Zoomer killer-necrophile's suicide note

Hello, friends. My name is Artem Ishakov [read: ees-hah-kov] and I want to tell you a story about what happened this night.
22.01.18
03:40

I killed my roommate. And fucked her. Twice. Maybe I'll do it once more but she's starting to get cold, stink and she's isn't as tight as she was the first time.

Why did I do this? I don't know, because I got enough of her retarded explanations of why she doesn't want to drink with me, and of seeing how she trying to get on with my wannabe friend, and how well they get along, and realising that I'm too different to have any sort of similar relationship with her. I thought about this since the beginning of January and vividly imagined how it would happen. Then I got shocked by myself. Very much. Very fucking much. And then this fact that Tania won't fuck off until summer because parents don't have money for house renewal, and I got shocked once more.

How did this all happen? She came home, I was in the kitchen, she trying to go to her room and I punched her in the face, she fell onto the floor. I punched her a few more times, blood got out of her mouth and she started pleading for me to leave. I didn't, lol. I started choking her. While I was choking her she started saying something like "leave". She clearly lost consciousness at some point but her heart continued beating. I decided quickly, while she's still warm I will, so to speak, fuck her. I finished and noticed that heart, bloody hell, is still beating. I tried holding my hands on her neck some more to no effect. Then I took a knife and cut her throat. I don't know how good I did this but there was a lot of blood. And to my fucking amazement, there still was a pulse. Then I took the knife and stabbed her twice between her ribs. I spoke with Sasha in Telegram from her phone after that, fucked her once more and decided to go and write this text. People are surprisingly tough as it turned out, or I'm just too physically weak to choke her quickly. Also, I put stockings in her mouth at some point to not see the blood and to not hear the weird sounds her body kept making. Ah, and I also tied her neck with one of the ropes I bought to try shibari with her. What irony, yeah? Well, whatever, details like these are important only to degenerates.

The next part will be with last words to different people. The order isn't tied to their importance. I will write as I recall them.

Mozhaev: You are an asshole. I hope you won't do this shit to any of your friends. What the fuck, going on about relationships, you could just stop talking to her for some time so she calms her fucking feeling. And bring down your unwarranted self-importance, that ain't cool.

Ilienko: Break free from Vita's chains. This isn't for you, you won't be happy with her, start thinking about your mental state and you will become a kickass dude.

Koshechkov: The story I didn't tell you. I fucked Vita sometime in May. Be a smart guy. Let's kiss?

Vita Salahova: Break free form Dima's chains. This isn't for you, you won't be happy with him. Your constant bickering about meaningless shit and your desire to submit to him is the most obvious red flag.

Vania Galushko: I hope that army won't change you much as a person and you stay a great guy.

Sister: Don't grow up to be a stupid cunt, I beg you.

Mihail Yurievich: I was hiding a lot from you and even lied to you sometimes that I feel bad and sad. I probably shouldn't be like this and everything could turn out some other way, but what happened happened. You are a good psychologist and I am glad that I got into therapy with you.

Artem Sergeevich: I don't understand why did you ignore me those few last times when I wrote to you, but whatever. Thank you that gave me Mihail Yurievich's number and that prescribed me pills, and by this made my life easier.

Vita from Petersburg: I was a horrible friend, whichever way you look at this. You are very cool and kind, forgive for all those moments when I hurt you. Especially for that time when I came to Petersburg and we didn't meet. Hope that all your problems will be solved and that you will have a great life.

Lida: We didn't talk a lot but you seem to be a very nice and cute girl, so continue to be this way and I hope that everything will turn well for you. If you read this then pass this to my psychologist.

Timur: Forgive me that I came to you then and forced you to listen to my shit. I regret that we never had a truly brotherly relationship. I love you.

Parents: I am a huge disappointment to you. I was a junkie, lied to you all the time and didn't love you, almost hating you instead even though you were all but kind to me, but this is life and this is the way I am. You tried to raise me a good person but I turned out wrong somewhere along the way. Don't blame yourself, please.

Tania's parents (if you somewhat read this): Forgive me for taking your only child from you. I loved her, I loved her so much, but she was too special and that's why it turned out this way. You are great people, I hope very much that you will have the strength to live through this. I ask for your forgiveness once more, even though things like this can't be forgiven.

Alice: I was a fucking douchebag with you. I'm sorry for everything and hope that you will have an amazing life.

My coworkers: You are fucking great. I hope that somebody will be able to read my shit code and maintain it. Lioha, you are a great guy. Ilia, you are great too, don't become an alcoholic, please. The rest, work and everything will be cool.

Alina: I'm sorry I pestered you talking about Tania.

Everybody else: Sorry that I was shitty to you or something. Have a great life and don't be such idiots as me.

You know, at this moment I realised what the fucking fuck I did. I'm cold and my hands are shaking even more, heh. Jesus Crist, can you imagine this, to fuck a bloody corpse. Now I don't have anything to do but to gather my will and kill myself. Murder a person is very easy but realising you did is hard. At least now I can check if there is an afterlife. I want to fall asleep so fucking much and then get to know what is happening to me after this. I loved her. In my fucked up way but I loved her. Ah, one more thing, I'm quite drunk, not too much, but still. A very idiotic thing that I did. I am a horrible person. I told everybody this, more or less, but you didn't believe me. I got hanged up on the thought of fucking Tania so much that I killed her. Of course, this wasn't the main reason but the fact that I raped her cooling corpse speaks miles. It seems I'm a mentally ill person. But who knows, lol. I want to see what will happen next.

She was so merry when she went to see Dima leave, eh. The author of the song "We, maybe" is a fucking cunt, after listening to your song a few times your mind is done, you start taking it as a call to action. This all makes no fucking sense. Also, sorry for all the mistakes and such in this text. I'm too lazy to re-read. I think that I have a fucking great life. Austin, Vasili, I'm coming to you, my dear friends. For real though, I don't want to die because, Jesus fucking Crist, there are so many things to do in this fucked up world but the situation is such that most likely I won't escape the prison, and if I will then I will be put in the mental hospital which is an even worse fate. Fuck this life, then. I'm thinking if I should hang myself, cut open my veins or try to stab myself in the heart on one-two-three. It's so hard to choose. Or should I just jump before the train? Her neck is so thin. And she has great breasts. I said I love her, didn't I? And I won't even live until twenty, heh. My world started to break down a few months ago and now I ruined it completely. Raising from the ashes is a lie.

I'm not trying to excuse myself. What I did is appaling, but I did what I wanted and thought to be necessary because I fucking can. Could. I will go and make some sandwiches. Better enjoy myself while I can.

Snacked and fucked her once more, damn. Gotta nap for a few hours.

Napped.

Quite funny how brains start to think up thousands of reasons to live when you start to think about death. So many, what the fuck.

She's lying there somewhere in the next room and I'm here, smiling. I'm not sure if I even was in shock, weird. The first time I thought about killing somebody in the fifth-sixth grade when Lioha visited me and we played on my PC, and when he was going home I thought it would be very cool to choke him with a charger cord and throw his body onto the staircase.

I lived with my demons and trying fighting them. I couldn't. I'm too weak of a human and these are all pathetic attempts at excusing myself, I think. I'm now trying to get thoughts out of my head. For the last time, I hope. My last piece of code will be the server that will host this pasta and will show it after some time.

It's quite sad that I didn't receive my 80K pay. And won't receive. And I won't watch new vids on YouTube. Fucking hell, I just want to disappear and watch it from above. She's so cold, hah. As her heart is towards me. I would like for everything to turn out the other way. Almost for two last years. For us to continue to live together, for me to stay sane, for this neverending story with Mozhaev to never happen, for her stupid husband to not exist. Funny how he's a widower now. You know, when I was choking her I didn't have any regrets or doubts. And this turns me on. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME AND WHEN DID IT BEGIN. I never punched anybody with full force before this. I regret my decision. Almost. I thought that I will cut myself as usual and calm down but something went wrong. I'm curious how much you are weirded out from reading this. I would be, a ton. My aggression found an outlet. Final chord. I can't cry even now. Amazing how easy it is to lose all your humanity. I don't know how long until a corpse starts smelling but I hope that before that moment comes, the moment everything will be burned, I won't exist anymore. I say "hope" so much. I'm sleepy again, fuck. And my hands are a little shaky.

Funnily enough, I even did something for my job today. I'm curious how big of a loss I will be for my team.

I'm thinking all the time, what are my chances of leading a normal life if I don't kill myself. None? Most likely. I don't want to end up in prison, I won't survive there. I don't have a reason to live anymore. For some time I had a desire to care for Tania and to get her back and now I rid myself of this with my very own hands. And I rid her parents of their beloved daughter. They are good people after all. If I feel ashamed a bit before somebody it would be her parents. All my morals are fucking broken. Almost dropped a tear.

I recall how under acid I understood all crystal pureness and beauty of love. And this is what my brain turned it into. What I did turn into. I'm sorry. I can't atone for my sins in any way anymore. I will now go and kiss Tania on her cold forehead and will prepare myself. She is lying there cold and with her fingers stiff. What the fuck did I do? Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I want to say so much more but I don't want what else to add.

If you have any friend, male or female, who will even get infatuated by somebody to this degree, punch them in their stupid face and try to explain that this kind of relationship won't lead to anything good. It only destroys you and your mind.

I ruined the happiness of so many people, and for what? I'm left with a void that will consume me. It would be very interesting to see reactions of all the people that knew us, but no, I have to die. I. Have. To. I hope that everything will work out. I have my last cigarette. There is no way back. This pasta is the essence of attention whoring. But what else can I do? Recall something good about me at least sometimes. I didn't think everything will end up like this. I will write these last sentences and leave. It's a pity that I won't ever have a chance to watch series with her by my side and just chat.

Forgive me everything, one more time. Nobody should blame themselves and thing that you didn't care about me enough or something of that sort, I'm certain nobody would think I could do something like this.

No emotions. I reached zen. Drink for me to end up in hell. Farewell. Goodnight, sweet princess.
22.01.18
15:55

I try to stand on shaking legs
And think of what I've done.
How could I put a knife in girl,
The one that I've loved.

Play "Der Golem -- No" on my funeral.

Fuck I forgot that VK has a timer for messages.

Kazakova St., 3K4, I don't know the apartment number, I think 31, or 32, or 33, but this is the first storey in the left entrance. Call the cops.
55.763497, 37.658109

Password to the Sberbank app: 08080. To the Rocketbank app: 4104, cards also have 4104, all other passwords are jktirijngt, JKTRIjngt5512 (and other variations with numbers switched and random capslock), you can do pass ls in text line on my laptop, password to password manager on my laptop is jktirijngt, I will unblock my phone, I think. The password on Tania's laptop is 741852nh on the off chance there is something important. Password from my laptop is root/jktirijngt.

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Translated by basshitsu#2120.