Thread 12: Stories 31-45

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>Chrysalis
"AJ42"
'AJ18'
-Various-
_______

"Your majesty?"

>Eeeeeeyes?

'...how long have you been watching this Changeling attempt to juggle and fail?'

-FUCKIN' HOLES!-

>For the past, shoot, I dunno, five hours? It just... those frustrated screams never gets old.

'Well, we had a question.'

>I have no idea what I eat to get my rump looking so sexy, nor do I keep track of what makes my hip so noticeable. You two will have to deal with the fact that I am just naturally all that and a bag of hay chips.

"...Okaaaay, right, um... we actually wanted to know about your family. And I use family loosely, more like the queen lineage."

'Even more to the point, do you remember anything about what we assume would be your grandmother?'

It was as if some unholy pain had whipped Chrysalis across the face by the gaunt and soulless look that overcame her. Her form was suddenly rigid, ears straight, eyes wide. Then her mouth peeled apart in the most bloodcurdling scream any of them had ever had the displeasure to hear. And it continued to pitch, causing all in the chaotic ballroom to drop down with hooves to their ears, until Chrysalis just sat there, mouth open, screaming at a level too high to register.

-DAMN!-

-Is that the queen?-

-What's wrong with her? Why's she screaming like that?-

-I don't know!-

-My ears are bleeding!-

In a blink, 42 had leapt to her queen's side, shaking her.

"Your majesty? Your majesty! Calm down, you're safe! We're here, we're here!"

That seemed to work. Chrysalis closed her mouth at any rate yet she still looked traumatized.

'What... what in the hell was that about?'

>...I... I can tell a few tales but... g-give me some coffee first... please....

NON CANON
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>32
"Guard"

>...and that's how I found out those spider things are edible.

"Gross."

>Not at all, roasted on a spit, they're quite good eating.

"Herbivore here, remember? Plus isn't that like some crazy kind of...distant cousin cannibalism?"

>Not at all, Arachnids and Insects are far removed from one another in the old Kingdom Animalia. Plus spiders eat bugs all the time, I figure it's just desserts to give as good as you get.

"Heh, good to know. So that's what you ate down there? Spiders?"

>Oh no, they're a special occasion food, mostly for fertility festivals and the like. No, a Morlock diet consists mostly of what they catch in the caves, though a few enterprising ones had started jabbing their spears in a few of their drinking holes to try and catch the blind fish within by the time I came to power.

"How...inventive."

>Aren't they just? Hopefully they'll take to the idea of farming mushrooms if that infernal robot does its job half right.

"I bet they'd make the best soups."

>Yes, yes I hope they would...

"Uh...you ok?"

>Sorry, I...I was just remembering the other thing they ate before I came along...that I had to fight tooth and claw in order to get them to give up...

"What?"

32 looks up at his jailer.

>Their young.

"..."

>I really hope I've steered them down the right path.

"Uh...as a pony firmly against the eating of babies, I do too."

>Thank you...may I ask your name, friend?

"Pommel."

>Ah, well thank you, Pommel.

"For?"

>Listening to me ramble on in here, I can only assume it'd be a drab existence otherwise.

"Well you're welcome."

32 holds up the small cup he has been afforded for water.

>To a blossoming friendship, one I hope to continue once I'm set free.

"Here here!"

Pommel lifts his own mug of cider and clinks the glasses. The two take a swig and sit back, humming a tune between them.
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"Flim"
'Flam'
>32
~~~~
Flim and Flam are hugging eachother in the corner of their cell

'Never sleeping again!'

"never again, brother!"

'You'll help me stay awake?'

"Long as you help me!"

>Hey, deep-fried, spicy spider-legs are amazing! Do not mock my survival culinary skills!

This has been Caverns, Caves-ins, and Dive Pools with 32!
Tune in next for Good Eats with PotatoJack followed by Cupcake Wars with Pinkie Pie
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>Celestia
"Applejack"
~~~~~
"Hey, Princess-"

>NOT TODAY, PEASANT!"

Celestia proceeds to backwards into a series of elaborate flips

Applejack flip out the borrowed Charity and uses the grappling iron to snag Celestia on her way our the window and reel her in

"GET OVER HERE!"

>Fine... What do you want?

"... Wanna catch a movie? Ya know, somethin' good?"

>You know, there's that new Adam Saddler movie I've wanted t-

"NOPE!"

Applejack drops the gun and leaps out the nearest window

>... Why does no one like Adam Saddler anymore?
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>Cadence
"Shining Armor"
~~~~

And now we tune into the fourth wall port-hole!

>So... unfair.

"honey, there's a lot of things unfair in this world."

>No, I mean, we get a big wedding special, and everyone thinks it sucks. Some namely side character OCs get a wedding, and they go squee! What the hell?

"Well, let's face it, these stories have drifted so far from the show we've arrived on another continent, formed several dozen tribes with our own phenotype, and the mainlanders will not discover us again for tens of thousands of years."

>it's still fucking unfair.

"See? That language right there, just another few inches we drift."
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>29
"Zecora"
~~~

>But Blackhoof! You can't love that mermare, you're from two different worlds!

"Oh my, what a curious sight! To see your face so curled in delight."

>AHHHH! NOTYOUNOTYOUNOTYOU!

"Hold you screams and look of fear, I merely have paperwork to file for my hut so near."

>...OH! Yeah, new zoning ordinance thing I did. Right...

"And what a thing it turned out to be! A new little change that is so useful to me."

>That was mostly so you would start paying property taxes, the whole fire-response and guard station and you being able to vote in the Ponyville politics were just kind of... there.

"Nonetheless, you have my appreciation. All of the benefits are well worth the taxation. Please, if you would, finalize my form. I have a bath waiting for me at home that is sure to be warm."

>You know, this is SUPPOSED to be signed by the Mayor.

"..."

>...Fine. Here.

"...Have you felt off in these past few days? Has anything gone amiss underneath the suns rays?"

>What? No. I don't think I can twitch anymore and I still have a bruise from where that little shit SHOT me, but I feel normal. Why? Can... can you all sense bug cancer? DO I HAVE BUG CANCER!? NOOOO! FOUL FATE WEAVERS BEYOND MY SIGHT! HOW DARE YOU STRIKE ME DOWN IN MY YOUTH! MY PRIME! MY-

"NO! You blasted fool. Must you act like a gigantic tool? There is a presence next to you I sense most amiss, and it holds the stench of the ever dark abyss."

>...OH! That's probably nothing.

"..."

>...

"...Probably nothing, you say? Do you think I was born yesterday? GAH!"

>What!?

"From the bowl in front of your face! A piece of candy has just vanished without a trace!"

>...He's gonna get ghost-fat at this rate.

"Huh!?"

>Nothing! Form's all filled, off you go!

"But I wish to-"

>-see what it is causing something so odd, but instead you must leave you silly sod! Be off on your way back to your hut, or I will make you go with a firm slap to your butt!

She had a suspicious look in her eye, but she was in no mood to argue. With a glare, she turned, and she left.

>...You see what you did? Not when ponies are around!... No, I don't CARE if she's a Zebra, it's the same thing!...YES IT IS!....YESITISYESITIS... No, I'm not mad.... yes, you can have ONE more....I SAID ONE... better.
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>Mom-bat
"Dadling"
~~~~

>What do you mean "I'm moving in?"

"...How... How do I make that more clear? It's three words. I can't make it shorter. If I say 'moving in!' then you don't know if I'm referring to myself or you, and if I say 'I'm moving' then the implied end location is gone, I could be moving anywhere. See? Makes no sense!"

>I MEANT... you can't just move into my apartment!

"Can so! Already did, too! All my stuff's here now."

>What? All you have is a tiny little zip-lock bag!

"..."

>...Wow.

"Yeah, kind of over-packed, the toothbrush barely fits."

>Well, I don't know...

"Please? Someone already took my sleeping spot in the corner. If I go back now I have to sleep next to that once Changeling who eats turnips all the time. He is at least forty percent pure gas at this point."

>...FINE!

"WOO! Dibs on this corner!"

>You don't HAVE to sleep in the corner, me bed's big enough for two.

"...bed?"

>...Oh sweet Celestia, no.

"HOLY LEGS THAT RIVERDANCE, IT'S SOOOOO SOFT! WHEEEEEEE!"

>How are you all still alive?

"WHEEEEE!"
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>29
"Dadling"
------------
The father-to-be of the future (or doom) of species integration in Equestria sits on a bench in Trueheart Park, head in his hooves, watching the foals on the playground with gathering anxiety.

"What the hay am I supposed to do? I don't know squat about being a father! I'd never even *seen* kids before the first Canterlot invasion!"

He curls into a chitinous ball of gloom.

"What in Tartarus was I thinking!? I can't raise a foal ..."

There is a small creak as somepony joins him on the bench.

>Oh, they're not that bad. I'll have you know I handled a school full of them on my first try.

A disbelieving eye pops open on the Dadball, glaring at 29.

"Yeah right. You're a G-man *and* an actor. That's like double lying and *negative* childcare. What would you know about caring for kids?"

>My dear fellow, I must protest at your reflexive slander of both my professions! And I assure you, my foal-wrangling skills are beyond reproach. One must simply be completely clear and direct when one addresses the young, bearing in mind that their faculties have nary a chance to extrapolate, or to unravel implications and sarcasm.

"..."

>Also, you must be unflinching once you have, ah, "laid down the law", as the vernacular goes. You may feel unfair, yea, even cruel, as the child turns to tears and wheedling. Yet the ire of the young is a fleeting thing, and they will ultimately come to accept that you are firm but fair, and respect you for it.

"..."

>Bearing this in mind, never hesitate to reward or compliment your child when it is due. You must provide affection as well as direction, but each at their appropriate time.

"... seriously, who died and made you Alicorn of Motherhood?"

>Augh! Again, you spurn my - YOU GET DOWN FROM THERE THIS INSTANT! No! NO, you'll break your fool neck, and besides, that filly has waited her turn long enough. Thank you, dear. Yes you may.

"Oh, I get it, you're foalsitting the Mayor's kid? The way she "receives" those "dignitaries" all the time, she'd have a bunch by now. Which one of them is it?"

>Oh, no, you are mistaken. Madame Mare is childless-

"Okay. So not that gray-haired little guy. Which one then?"

>Um, one of these foals...

"So you're just sitting by the playground ... watching the foals?"

>...

"..."

>... Oh, hey, isn't that the Mayor? My luncheon break is at its end, and I must tarry no longer! Awaaaayyyy!

The future Dadling curled up again, internally beating himself up for not instinctively punching the suspected fillyfiddler. Therefore he did not see 29 talking sternly under his breath to an empty merry-go-round. It abruptly stopped turning, after which 29 walked slowly off to the popsicle stand, muttering to his left wing.
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>SA
"Chrysalis"
'Celestia'
~~~

"You know, most stallions would go NUTS if they learned that the two tallest and most powerful mares on the planet were currently trying to fight for his attention."

>To be fair, Celestia just wants to play a board game with me and talk about old times, you're the one who wants me to be the base for your own personal pole-dance.

'HAH!'

"Oh, don't pretend like you don't like our pole-dancing."

'Point is, I'm just trying to do something to relax a bit and spent time with someone I care about, you're openly trying to rut a married stallion while his wife is a few rooms down.'

"And your point iiiiis....?"

>Don't bother. The only way I could hammer it into her brain at this point would be to write it on a condom and 'hammer' it in that way.

"HAH! I should have thought of that one!"

'Do you mind?'

>Trying to play here.

"...Can I play?"

>Sure.

"...Really? That's it?"

'Yep. Take a seat.'

"Huh... so, what's the object of the game?"

>Make it to the other side first.

"That's not really complicated."

'Not supposed to be, it's supposed to be fun.'

"...VICTORY SHALL BE MINE!"

>BRING IT!

'BOTH OF YOU ARE GOING DOOOOOOWN!'

And thus began the most intensive game of Candyland ever recorded.
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Non-canon continuation.

>AJ2
_______

>Annnnnnd Auntie C takes the lead- but what's this, folks? Ooooh no! Not-mom with an underhanded guerilla-style tactic! And the judges are gonna allow it! Auntie C ain't not too happy about this but what can she do to- WOW, a surprise attack right smackdab in the middle of the Lollipop Woods! Shiny, that was just cold... marchmalley cold. Oh wait, wait, hold on, Auntie C's not out yet and comes back with a stunning triple-roll! I don't even know how that's possible but she's done it anyway and leaves the other two floppin' in the Molasses Swamp! Just look at the glares! This has to be the most intense game of Candyland I've ever s- hey, not-mom, why're you picking up your chair? I don't think that's... ouch, right upside Auntie C's head! Nice shot! And now Auntie C's grabbing Shiny! What's she gonna- WHAM, used him like a bat to send not-mom into the wall! Oh the carnage, the sweet, marchmalley carnage! And what's this? Shiny's shoving game pieces down not-mom's throat while Auntie C bashes him over the head with the board! Candyland is serious business!
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>Luna
“Celestia”
________

>We finally did it!

“And it’s about time! So tell me, tell me, was 56 up to par? Did he last long?”

>What in Equestria are you talking ab-… oh, you can fornicate yourself with a spiked club, sister.

“Been there, done that and lemme tell you, didn’t last long. Tore the spikes right off.”

>The sad part of that is we cannot tell if you’re jesting or not….

“I’ll never tellll~”

>Can we… our news? Can we speak of it now?

Celestia waved an inviting hoof.

>The repairs for ballroom… we were thinking on how to raise the extra funds.

“Okay, you now have my attention. Continue.”

>What if we sell our special cakes to the public at borderline extortion prices?

“…I’m sorry, I must’ve had something in my ear there. I could’ve sworn you were actually suggesting we sell our own personal stash of cakes! Hahaha!”

>We can already tell this is going to be a traumatizing ordeal for you…

“No it’s not. Know why? Because it’s not happening.”

>But sister-

“But my holly jolly fat ass. You’re asking me to give up one of my only sources of happiness, one of the very things keeping the ‘bad’ thoughts at bay.”

>We understand but-

“I don’t think you do, my dear, dear sister. These ‘bad’ thoughts are quite frequent and gruesome in nature, stuff that not even the demons parading about Cheerilee could top on their best day. Not even to fix the ballroom at a fraction of the cost or time, no. You will leave my cake be or rue the day our mother ever sought to give birth to any after me.”

>…
“…”

>Okay so, like we were saying, shame about the ballroom, yes?

“Indeed, quite the travesty.”
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'Cherilee'
>"Applejack"


---

>"Now, as ah was sayin'; th' school's been needin' a fixer upper fer awhile now. Ah've been holdin' off on askin' on account o' demonic off-worldly evil. But th' place is in quite a state."

'I do my best, but they simply run when I try and teach them sometimes. Perhaps I should inform their parents.'

>"Ah was referrin' t' th' personal demons."

'Of course you did. Sorry. Well I suppose they've been becoming frisky.as of late. I'm not sure as to why though, I make daily midnight sacrifices under the moon of Sekktillus and Khorne.'

>"..."

'Oh don't look so startled, dear! I don't sacrifice the children!'

>"...Do ah wanna know wha--"

'Pieces of myself, darling.'

>"That weren't very re-assurin'."

'Why, to give oneself over to carnal creatures of pure anger, lust, or hate is actually... rather exhilarating.'

>"..."

'The results are more than pleasu--'

>"Ah' don't wanna know yer fetish!"

'It's not a fetish, it's duty. I sacrifice myself, my soul, my body, so that the children may learn and not be slaughtered in a torrent of bloody carnage and hellfire...'

As she says it and describes what horrors could occur, the walls turn rustic, bleeding. Applejack cannot force herself to look away as Cherilee's eyes sink inward, becoming pits of pure darkness from which the very voids of Tartarus can be seen.

She blinks and suddenly as it was all there, it was all simply... not.

'...the fire to consume, dear.'

>"Ah'msofrightenedrightnow."

'Don't fear, that becomes normal.'

>"...So... um... the school?"

'Oh, yes of course. I shall indeed make the necessary repairs with help from the Mayor.'

>"Right. Wonderful. Ah think ah should get Applebloom to a new school though."

'...'

>"Ah... That's uh, not a problem, is it?"

'...'

>"Yer scarin' me somethin' fierce right about now."

Within an instant, the room grew cold and shadows played upon the walls and floors. The expression upon Cherilee's face grew twisted. Applejack shivered as invisible finger ran up her spine.

'APERI VACCUM, ET CREANS TENEBRAS, NAM SINGULAE PUER EDO AUFERS CLADEMQUE MEAM.'

And once again, she blinked, things were back to normal and Cherilee was humming to herself. Applejack was simply rigid.

>"...Ah think it'd be best if Applebloom stayed in the school, on second thought."

'Wonderful dear, I shall leave to see the Mayor at once.'

---

>"Crying corner, we meet again..."
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>Day Guard
"Night Guard"
{Crystal Guard}
~~~

>Just saying, I don't think they ALL need to die, but at least most of them, you know? At least get rid of the males?

"Aren't they supposed to get rid of the females or something?"

{42 says not to talk about that.}

>...Why would they get rid of the females?

"Not saying it makes sense, just hearing some panicked whispers occasionally."

{Don't see WHY. 18 and 42 are both females.}

>It's weird.

"How do you live with them anyway?"

{Ehhh, Two's fine. It's all the other ones that gross me out. And even then, kind of wish the Prince hadn't, like, ADOPTED her, maybe keep her around like a babysitter or something. Just makes me uncomfortable.}

>As well you should be. I feel really uncomfortable every minute I spend with ol' one eye.

"Bleh, at least someone you guys know didn't get fucked by one. I used to hang out with her! Now all I can see is her getting railed by that...UGH!"

>Times, they are a... oh, come on!

"Hey, that's one of your guys, not mine this time."

>He's not 'one of my guys'.

{Seriously, look at him. Smiling like it was his birthday and Celestia herself just showed up wearing nothing but a ribbon and a "For you" tag.}

>...
"..."
{...}

>That was actually a REALLY nice mental image.

"It was."

{...And then reality comes back. What is wrong with that guy?}

>Think he's brain damaged or something, just keep walking.

"Back to the important matters, I feel the title 'Powerthrust 4' fits our novel best."

>Why 4? It's the first one.

"So that we can do prequels later, after everyone is hooked, but only put in half the effort for a ton of money!"

>BRILLIANT!

{This is a perfect idea and everyone will be so jealous they did not think of it first.}

>TO THE TYPEWRITER!

The trio raced off, cheering and self congratulating themselves. But the pair further down the road in the park paid them no mind.

The Changeling just continued to juggle, and his enraptured viewer continued to applaud every second of it.
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"???"
'Cheerlie'
~~~~
Once more, midnight had come, and Cheerlie made found herself in the middle of sacrificing another piece of herself to the darkness, her body twisting in the throes of passion as she was ravished

'I love this! I love it! I need more! More! Fill me with your infernal spawn! Make me into a hellish harlot!'

Suddenly, the intimacy stopped.

"Cheerlie, dear, I enjoy our time together, but I wish you would stop thinking I was an infernal hellspawn."

'Really, 77, it's just a bit of roleplay, I don't complain when you ask me to dress as a Colthlic School Filly.'

"Point taken, but do I have to wear these bat wings and the extra horns? Also, my red contacts fell out again."

Cheerlie smiles.

'You want them off? Do me hard enough they come off on their own.'

"Oh, you are just a treat."

NON CANON
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[Random changeling 1]
"Random changeling 2"
>Random changeling 3
%Random changeling 4%
$Random changeling 5$
'Canterlot Pegasus'

[That one looks like a puppy!]

"Aww... not anymore. Dumb pegasuses...es. Es? Pegasusi? They always pop the really good clouds that have any shape to them."

[Eh, what're you going to do? Oh hey, there's another one!]

>Hey guys, what'cha up to?

"Watchin' clouds. Or TRYING TO, STOP POPPIN' 'EM YOU MEAN... uh... FLYING PONIES."

'Pegasi!'

"Oh, see? There we go. I was close."

>The skylight is kinda nice, I guess. Lets the rain in so we have something to drink.

[Yeah. Shame marshmallow isn't water-soluble.]

>...Isn't it?

[Apparently not this variety. Been stuck here on my back the last three days!]

%Hey guys. Watchin' clouds again?%

>["Yup."]

%That's cool... that's cool. Purely curiosity, but some of the boys were talking about trying to patch up the hole in the ceiling, maybe demarshmallow the room, replace some of the more fire-damage-y sections of floor. Any of you want in?%

$WHAT'D THEY SAY?!$

%I'M STILL ASKING, GIMME A SEC%

>I dunno. It's a really nice hole in the ceiling.

"I'd feel kind of bad messing up laid down those burn marks' hard work."

[I don't really have too much stake in it one way or the other. Not like I can move from this spot anyhow!]

%It'd give you guys a chance to show off your special things, if you wanted.%

[Hm... I WAS doing the whole carpentry thing.]

>No way, that was you? I'm the guy that did the thing with the drywall!

"Turnip eating dude, reporting for duty! Oh, I guess I also had that thing with the light fixtures, but it never came up much. Mostly kept to eating turnips."

%Cool! So is that a yes?%

>Sure!

"I guess."

[As long as I can do it in the two-foot radius my sugary prison confines me to, I'm game!]

%Awesome! HEY, THEY SAID YES!%

$COOL, TELL THEM WE START FIRST THING TOMORROW!$
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