Sailor Thog

“Grab the last of the fleshies!” The lizardfolk chieftain yelled to his tribe. They loaded the unconscious humans onto the cart and finished tying them up. “Chief, what should we do about the houses?” “Burn them. Burn them all.” Suddenly a deep voice echoed out from behind them. “THE ONLY THING BURN IS YOU!” They all turned to see an Orcish man standing there with cat ears and a tail that swished back and forth. He was wearing a leather chestpiece decorated with moon decals. His long black hair dangled behind him and around the greataxe on his back. He had a rock on his shoulder held on with tape. “What are you doing?” One of the lizardfolk asked.  “I IS THOG, DEFENDER OF THE WEAK AND CHAMPION OF MOON!” The chieftain rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Just… just kill him. Please.”  Thog posed and raised his hand to the sky. “WITH THE POWER OF MOON, THOG CRUSH YOU!” Suddenly a bright light surrounded him as his clothes disappeared in a flash of light. The lizardfolk all looked away. “OH WHAT THE FUCK!? WHY?!” Light traveled down Thog’s body from above, changing his brown hair blond and draping him in a white outfit ending with a skirt that showed off far too much of his hairy legs. The rock taped to his shoulder shifted and shook as arms and tiny legs made of stone appeared on it. Thog finished his transformation and pulled his axe off his back. “DEFENDER OF THE MOON AND WEAK, SAILOR THOG IS HERE TO SMASH!” he made two of his fingers into a V and put them over his eye as he winked.  The chieftain, thoroughly confused and just done with all of this let out a loud sigh. “Get him already.” The lizardfolk charged him with their spears facing forwards. Sailor Thog laughed and brought his axe around in a swing, taking three of them out. One of them did manage to get through however, but was met with a rock to the knee as the rock punched him. He tripped with a yelp at this unexpected resistance and the rock climbed on him and started pummeling his face as the lizard screamed in pain. Sailor Thog brought his hand up as glitter emanated from his hand. “IN NAME OF MOON I GAIN SPEED OF THE SHINING RAYS OF MOON!” His form suddenly shifted as he moved, almost showing an echo of him. He raised his axe with and ran towards the chieftain far faster than he should have been able to. The chieftain brought up his sword to block the blow and staggered back as the axe slammed into it, causing the metal to crack. “Who the hell are you?!” He asked as the axe came back up for another swing. ‘I SAILOR THOG, PRETTIEST ORC!” he came down again, shattering the sword in two and cleaving the chieftain’s head in two. The remaining lizardfolk saw this and decided to cut their losses and run. “SAILOR THOG ACCEPT NO SURRENDER!” He yelled as he laughed and started to chase them with his newfound speed into the sunset, blood stained rock friend behind him.