Thread 90: Stories 61-74

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Ruled NC after post
 >Spike
‘Fire Lord’
“FS”
{Pinkie}
(Rarity)
-Poindexter-
+RD+
[AJ]
*Shining Armor*
/Cadence/

‘Deep in the fortress of the fire lord he sat on his throne gazing at the massive black doors which served as the final barrier to his person. They were coming, he knew. It had been mere hours earlier his messengers had told him of the group of ‘heroes’ who sought his throne invading his dungeon.
He welcomed them. For soon they would witness the awesome-‘

<BOOM>

‘ahem, the awesome-‘

<BOOM>

‘I said the AWESOME->

<KRACKASLAMMABOOM>

The doors tore off their hinges and in strode a lone, haggard dracolich in battered, broken armor.

‘DO YOU MIND!? I’M TRYING TO MONOLOGUE!’

>Y’know what? Yes. Yes I mind.

He raised his cursed blade and pointed toward the monarch of ignition.

>Today I have been forced to slaughter civilizations, burn bridges, put on armor the exact opposite of my nature, kill myself, been set on fire, attacked by clowns, pass through a holy city while undead, and give yup leadership of the party to someone who I’m pretty sure has never played before!

‘Played? Do you think this is some kind of game!?’

>Not Important! What is important is what I’m doing right now!

‘…and that is?’

The dragon dropped his arms to his sides and shrugged.

>Distracting you.

‘wha-‘

They burst from the shadows and came at him from all directions, Poindexter burying his blades into the Firelord’s back while Rarity unleashed a flurry of blows to the front, AJ blasting him with an icy fist to the left, while pinkie sang out a song of strength, Rainbow power attacking from overhead.

As if all this were not enough a dragon invisible until it made contact slammed into the bleeding monarch, ridden by Fluttershy, its arms and wings stretching to impossible lengths to crush him as the jaws snapped down bringing an abrupt end to all his plans.

{YAY! WOOHOO! WE WON WE WON! SPIKE! YOU’RE THE FIRELOORRRRRRRRRD!}

>Thanks, pinkie, but. Please. Stop. Shaking. Meeeee~

{CAN’T! TOO HAPPY!}

(Really, darling that’s quite enough now.)
{Ok! Lalalala}

Pulling himself back together the dragon turned to address the party.

>Ok, guys, good work getting this far. But I think there’s a problem. Fluttershy, you’re still in command and your plans have gotten us pretty far. Farther than mine. But with your permission I have a proposal.

“Oh! Thank you Spike. I’m just glad everything’s worked out so well”

>Yeah…a little too well.

“Oh?”

>I’ll tell you more in private. Right now, I just think we need to mass for war. We still need to win Dex’s kingdom after all.

-And kick Shiny’s butt!-

>Y-yeah….

(Spike?)

>…Don’t worry about it. Just get ready.

A few days later the remaining armies of the fire lord had marched across the lands and found themselves staring across a great clearing at the hordes of ice.

A blue Pegasus streaked overhead before slamming into the ground in front of the gathered members of her party.

>Any luck?

She sighed. +I wouldn’t call it luck, but yeah. You guessed right. The other party is at the head of the horde.

-Excellent…-

Poindexter began eyeing his blades darkly.

“I’d just like to say, I really don’t like your plan.”

>Got a better one?

“…”

>…I don’t much like it either.

[Ya’ll gonna let us in on what this here plan is?]

The butter yellow mare shook her head.

[Uh…Spike? Ya’ll ‘re worryin’ me now]

He sighed.

>Rainbow? I need another favor

The blue streak blurred through the air again, this time accompanied by a flag of white. She landed in front of the opposing party’s assembled number.

*Rainbow Dash?*

+Ahem. Greetings to the Ice Witch and Company from the Most Esteemed Fire Lord Spike!+

*Wait wha-?*

+Inasmuch as the assembled hordes may here partake of the field of battle this day, and thereby result in great loss of life and strength to both minions and members by so doing. Whereas to avoid such unnecessary weakening of both our peoples, His Highness the Fire Lord Spike does issue formal Challenge to the Ice Witch Princess Mi Amore Cadenza to honorable single combat to determine whom shall rule these lands+

*…You can’t be serious*

+No…he’s pretty serious.+

*He wants my wife, MY WIFE, to go out and fight him to the death? Not me? Oh, Hell No!*

+Preeety sure this is a situation where she can pick a champion or something+

*Oh thank goodness. Well Honey, who’s it gonna be? Me? 42? Celestia or Chrysalis would be a bit unfair…scratch that, NEVER pick Chrysalis that’d…that’s be bad…but anyway, who’s it gonna be? Me? Pick me. Memememememe-*

/I’m going to do it myself/

*…what?*

/shiny, I know you just want to protect me and that’s very sweet, but I can fight my own battles. Besides which, if he’s the fire lord he probably got his powers like I got those of the ice witch. Since he’s a dragon anyway at this point he’s probably so overpowered no one else can hope to best him./

+-SNRK+

/…Something funny?/

+Huh? No nothing, not a thing funny here. Anyway, he’ll be in the center of the field when you’re ready, gotta go!+

And through the air the blue streak went again.

/…well that was odd…/

A few minutes later cadence landed in front of a darkly clad warrior. The only being on the field of battle.

/Spike? Is that you? You look….different./

>Look who’s talking, is it Shiny’s birthday or something?

She blushed. /No…/

>Well, I think you found his present for next year anyway.

/umm…Aren’t we here to kill each other? Not discuss fashion?/

>meh. I was hoping you’d send Twilight or Shiny actually. I’m not sure you’ll work.

The air around the ice witch grew far colder than it had been a moment ago

/…why. Does Everyone. Treat Me. LIKE AN IDIOT!/

Rising up into the sky the full power taken from the witch surging around her Cadance looked down at the dragon with a look of pure fury.

/RAGGHHHH!/

And unleashed her full powers of cold against him freezing him in place instantly. She dropped down to the ground.

/Hmph! Teach you to underestimate me!/

She turned to walk away but had not gotten 3 steps before she heard the sound of ice shattering behind her. She whipped around only to see him begin to cast something.

>SOUL CHAIN!

A black glowing chain whipped around her slamming her into the ground and holding her in place.

The dragon sighed, and approached her.

>Sorry Cadence.

He reached up to his helmet and took it off dropping it to the ground.

>I’m a bit undead at the moment. So ice damage…doesn’t really work.

/Snickerdoodles./

>Dispel!

The chains disappeared freeing her.

/ok…confused now?/

>We need to have a talk, and it’s imperative you pay attention.

She pulled herself into a sitting position.

/umm..alright/

>ok, so. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but something is wrong here.

/Wrong?/

>In the game. I’d guess Luna has been torturing your party just like she’s been torturing ours?

/Well, not at first. But more recently things did get a lot harder for some reason…/

>Yeah, that. Well sort of. She’s too good. It’s her first time doing this and she knows how to pull all this ridiculous crap? Most early DM’s when things go bad just pull a ‘rocks fall’ or try to railroad the party. Her performance is far more nuanced. She’s getting help.

/huh./

>Not sure from who or what though. Glimmer maybe? She’s the only one I’ve seen who beat Twilight’s DM’ing. Honestly it doesn’t matter except for this, our parties need to prepare for anything. Any cheap, dirty trick, any gut wrenching reversal, anything. Something bad is coming.

/But…the fire and ice guys are dead? Shouldn’t this be the end?/

>Ah! Good point! Except, this game was made by twilight as a hearth’s warming present to everyone remember? Now with 14 of us it would be difficult to have everyone in one party, so she broke us up into two. This makes sense. BUT, this is twilight. And what can we count on with twilight?

/Magic?/

>…well yes, but that’s like a 90/10 split. I was going to say harmony and friendship. It is my hypothesis that this is not the end. But rather after this, there is at least one more fight, tuned to have all 14 of us in it. …Which presents a problem, since one of us needs to die here.

/What? Why!? If you’ve figured out this much can’t we just call a truce?/

>That’d work for the parties, but the armies will probably be needed too and they’re going to demand conquest. In order to win, one of us needs to die.

He pulled out his blade and begins gazing down the end of it.

/I…I understand. Go ahead./

>Go ahead and what?

/Kill me?/

>…Cadence. Dear. Kinda sorta Sister-in-law, do you really think shiny would be able to accept combining parties if I killed you? Or 42? Or 18? No. That won’t work. It’ll be on you to make sure the parties unite to face whatever is next.

/What are you say-/

>It is a basic law of the universe.

He smiled at her.

>I don’t get to win.

Grabbing the blade by the hilt and the tip he brought it down over his knee, shattering it in two.

His soul poured forth from the blade in a torrent of black lightning darkening the sky for a moment.

The lich’s form went still.

<SYSTEM MESSAGE:PLAYER SPIKE CHARACTER DEAD. PLAYER SPIKE REMOVED.>

The corpse evaporated into the air.

/…Double Snickerdoodles./

In her office, Pennydrop laughed. She had muted the audio to not arouse further suspicion as she laughed and laughed and laughed. True, the dragon’s play had been unexpected. But it didn’t matter. He’d played right into her hand. With him gone the party had no experienced DM guiding them, and better were already a man down for the final challenges.

She had won. And to celebrate, she was going to torture every last bit of fun out of her poor, unprepared playthings. Make the dragon cry? By the end, she’d make them all cry.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Guard
"Changeling"
~~~~

>...Hey, bug thing? Hold up a second.

"Yeah?"

>Have you ever wondered about Centitrain?

"What do you mean?"

>Like... why didn't they use it? Seems like it would do the job of being a train that could fight off a dragon pretty well.

"...Seriously?"

>Yeah.

"Okay, lets pretend for a moment that all of a sudden, that thing has cars on its back like a real train. Picture this, you hop into those cars it has now, you're on Centitrain while it's going down the tracks, when all of a sudden OH NO! A dragon!"

>Scary.

"So, obviously it fights it, right?'

>Riiiight?

"How."

>Can't it shoot electricity?

"That is can. Now... what does electricity do if you're standing on metal?"

>...

"And where would you beeee?"

>....ohhhhhh...

"Yeah, see the issue?"

>Wow, they did not think that through.

'Putting it mildly!"

>...Would be pretty cool though.

"..fine, yeah, it would..."

>...I'd still ride it...

"...me too.."

>...

"..."

*Bro hoof*

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Luna
"Penny"
'Rarity'
[AJ]
{Fluttershy}
~Spike~
+PD+
=Dash=
-Pinkie-
~~~~~~~

>...

"Okay, how did he even pull that one off?"

>...

"Is this you? Are you secretly like... really good at controlling him? Because if so you need to tell me right now for... computer related reasons."

>...

"....Beep boop?"

>No, computer, we did not. All we wanted him to do was strike a bargain with the undead prince, and thereby become not-undead anymore. We do not like undead. We feel it offsets the party's dynamic. We wanted him to be none of that.

"He uh-"

>We are well aware of what he did instead.

"Because he-"

>We said, we are well aware.

"Just saying, he was only doing it to 'throw us off'."

>We. Are. Aware.

"...This is really funny, though."

>...that it is.

'SPIKE YOU SILLY THIIIIIING!'

[JUS' CALL HIM A THICKHEADED NINNY LIKE YA' SHOULD!]

{This isn't that bad.}

~WELL I'M SORRY! I FIGURED I WAS BEING RAILROADED AND WASN'T HAVING THAT SHIT!~

+Well, you succeeded! We officially went off her 'rails' sometime around you kicking that undead prince in the dick!+

~THEN I SUCCEEDED!~

=FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU SO HARD! FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!=

-What Dashie means is that, that was not cool. You never kick a guy in the dick! Especially when it results in two hanging... uh... 'things' landing on Dashie's head.-

=I WILL NEVER BE CLEAN AGAIIIIINNNNN!=

{It really isn't all that bad.}

~HE'S NOT A GUY, HE'S A ZOMBIE!~

[RACIST!]

~...~

[Don't ya'll even start.]

'OKAY! SO!... OPTIONS!?'

{We could just-}

[What else, set fire ta' them!]

~Oh sure, NOW you're okay with that!~

[No Ah' ain't! But we ain't gotta choice!]

{Actually have several choices-}

+I guess we're just going to have to turn and fight the undead horde, again.+

{Not that we have to-}

=I am SO for this plan! I will bath off the horror with the blood of my enemies!=

-Could you BE anymore of a stereotypical tomboy?-

=Yes, I could also be a lesbian.=

-...-

=What?=

{Um-}

=Alright, on three, we turn and kick some undead ass!=

{Don't have to.}

~One...~

{Really easy.}

-Two...-

{...}

[THREE-]

{SHUT UP FOR TWO SECONDS!}

'[~=-+...+=-~]'

{...Pinkie, could you give me a hoof?}

-Sure Flutterbuttershynottaguy! What're we doing?-

{The only thing that soothes undead is songs of the end of times.}

-So you want me to rock in a copyright breaking song that would get us sued anywhere else?-

{If you would.}

-A-hem... it's close to miiiiiidnight, and there's something evil lurking in the daaaaaarrkkkk!-

~Are you insane!? There's no way that'll work!~

~~~~~Minutes later~~~~~

{What did we learn?}

~I'm not going to say it.~

{What did we leeeeeaaaaarrrnnnn?}

=No. It's stupid and so cliche. I'm not going to say it.=

{What did we leeeeeeearn?}

[...freshibishmgic...]

{Hm?}

[Ah' said friendship is magic.]

=IT HURTS!=

{Good! Now, mister undead prince gave us all a lot of gifts. Spike, he was going to give you a life-potion... but it was on his belt, and uh, well, it fell off when-}

~FUCK!~

{...Rainbow Dash! Here you go! He got you this!}

=And this isssss?=

{This is the nut of the nutnut tree! It's got a nut inside of it's nut with very special properties! Mostly for um... to get off the stain of his, uh...}

=...Just give me the damn nuts.=

-That's what she said!-

=THERE IS NOT ENOUGH FIRE ON THE PLANET!=

Poof!

{Feel better?}

=Mildly fresher... but no... nothing will ever clean my soul...=

{...Rarity! He got you this!}

'Tea? Why on earth did he get me tea? I mean, I love tea of course, but in-lore there's no way for him to know that. This makes no sense story wise!'

{Um... don't drink it, it's poison tea.}

'That makes even less sense!'

{Well, uh, no, no it doesn't.}

'...'

{...Are... ahem... are you aware of how mares used to... poison 'targets' back in older days?}

'Not in this region!'

{He used to be Japonies.}

'Oh, well in that case it makes sense, they used to give them out to be slipped in while dining, but that was only given to 'mares of the night' so they may poison their targets after they...'

{...I-its authentic! Very expensive!}

'...We're going back and burning them to the ground.'

{...Poindexter! Shiny new dagger!}

+Oh yay, totally needed another one of those. Not like I have eighty or anything.+

{I'm sorry, you're kind of hard to gift for, nobody really knows you...}

+...+

{...P-Piiiinkie! Here you go!}

-What the hay is this!?-

{Forty two bits.}

-...What!? I don't get a cool weapon or neat trinket!?-

{No, they're just paying you for the show... they liked it!}

-You mean I shook my pink little booty off and danced in a VERY uncomfortable fashion for some bits like a freaking paid dancer!?-

{Well... I mean... you did it, so they paid you, sooooo-}

-Lets do what Rarity said!-

[Wait a minute, what about me!?]

-Oh... you got an apple.-

[...Ah hah.... ah hah... ahhhhhhahahah.... fuck ya'll.]

{...}

[Okay, fine, whatever, am a little hungry-]

{NO! Don't eat it, it's poison!}

[What, ya' mean like it's rotten? Pfft, looks fine, ya' sissy.]

{No, I mean it's actually poison.}

[...Like... like it's... it's not tasty?]

{Poison. Pooiiiiissssooooonnnn.}

[...Like... like...]

{...}

[S-someone... done took a good apple, a perfectly good apple, and made it so that ya'll couldn't eat it? Deliberately!?]

{...}

[...Spike? Ya'll know this place, right?]

~Uh-~

[Iffin' ya' had ta' guess, bout where is Luna's observatory thing?]

~...Like... I dunno, over there?~

[Thanks... Princess? Thissn is fer' you..... GRRRRRRAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH!]

*CHUCK!*

{Applejack! That was a very rare item!}

[STUFF IT!... *Sniffle*... p-poor little fella.]

'It wasn't a real apple.'

[IT FELT REAL TA' MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!]

~~~~~~

>...Okay, so, thine mare's toss missed us by a wide, wide margin. Which is good, we fear she might've actually hit us... somehow.

"Wow, she's uh... clearing a lot of 'miles' with that one."

>Well, it is simulated... but yes, physics seems to have broken for a brief moment.

"Ohp, coming down... down... doooownnnn..."

>...No way does it hit-

(OW! WHO HIT ME IN THE HEAD!? AS THE NEW ICE PRINCESS I WILL HAVE YOU EXECUTED- Oh hey! Apple! Neat!)

>CADENCE NO!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Daw
"Changeling"
~~~~

>Ya' know, volueerin' fer' this ain't much fun mmmhmmm.

"Stop it."

>I am filled with muchly fear, yes!

"Stop it."

>A ripe rip snorter this gal, yeah! Got herself more problems than a day on the outback without a knoife.

"PICK A FUCKING ACCENT!"

>....

"..."

>...Pip pip, Cherrio!

"FUCK YOOOOOOUUUUUU!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>FS
‘Fire Lord’
“Pinke”
[PD]
{Luna}
(Poindexter)
+RD+
-Spike-
*Rarity*

‘Deep in the fortress of the fire lord he sat on his throne gazing at the massive black doors which served as the final barrier to his person. They were coming, he knew. It had been mere hours earlier his messengers had told him of the group of ‘heroes’ who sought his throne invading his dungeon.
He welcomed them. For soon they would witness the awesome-‘

<BOOM>

‘ahem, the awesome-‘

<BOOM>

‘I said the AWESOME->

<KRACKASLAMMABOOM>

The doors tore off their hinges and in pranced a lone, butter-yellow mare.

‘DO YOU MIND!? I’M TRYING TO MONOLOGUE!’

>Oh! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt. Please, continue.

‘No. Y’know what? Moment’s ruined. You did that. You and your door smash-happy ways did that. My moment is gone, and it’s never coming back. Are you proud of yourself? Hm?’

>Oh, goodness that wasn’t me, I couldn’t possibly…

“Psst! Ixnay on the ragondray!”

>I mean yes. Yes! That was me!

***
[…That has to be one of the worst attempts at a bluff I have ever seen]

{What do you mean seen? Weren’t thou only brought online today?}

[Uh, I mean, One of the worst compared to all those stored in my databanks!]

{Of course! That makes so much more sense!}

[At least there’s no way he’ll ever buy-]

‘I believe you.’

[Charisma modifier BULLSHIT!]

{What was that?}

[Beep…y’know what? No. The purple one gave me a personality, and I say that was a load of crap!]

{Oh! That explains so much. The personality I mean, not the…references to feces.}

[Let’s just get on with it, hmm?]
***
> Oh thank goodness. Um, I don’t suppose if I asked really nicely you might be willing to give up your evil ways would you? It would be ever so nice.

‘Nice? NICE!? I’m the freaking fire lord! I burn things! For Fun!’

>Oh, I have lots of friends who do that!

‘…I…I’m not actually sure how to respond to that.’
>Accepting our, I mean my, MY offer to be friends?

‘No. No I won’t be doing that. …Look, nothing personal, but I’m going to set you on fire now. Ok? You just…really seem to need immolation.’

>oh…um…hey look, a distraction?

‘WHERE!?’

The fire lord spins around to look at the perfectly blank solid wall behind him never noticing as a massive dragon seemingly shimmers into existence at the doors and charges in arms and wings extending farther than should be physically possible and crushing him drawing him into it’s jaws for the bloody finale.

“Wow. Hats is really going at it.”

(Yes. Yes he is.)

+That’s gonna haunt my nightmares+

-Huh. Maybe I should take some notes for when I get big.-

*DON’T YOU DARE! THOSE STAINS WILL NEVER COME OUT!*

/Sug? No offence? But if you want a shot at this actually workin’ out all the way at some point? DO NOT take lessons from a tentacle monster usin’ an approximation ‘a changeling magic. That is not mah fetish./

And then it was done. The firelord dead, defeated, and on his way to being digested. The party stood victorious, and an eerie voice rang through the cavern.

[Congratulations, mighty warriors. You have defeated the evil fire lord. But at what cost? Little did you know that his strength was all that stopped the hordes of the Ice queen from ravaging these lands. With him dead, another must take up this burden, or these lands shall freeze!]

+Incredible power with an impossible responsibility huh? Clearly, I’M the most qualified here+

*You must be joking*

-This is my goal! It’s literally why I broke us off the rails in the first place!-

/Now hang on! Ah got more experience with burdens, responsibilities, an unwanted power than any ‘a ya’ll!/

As the party descended into bickering the voice rang out again.
[FOOLS! What gives you the right to choose? This power decides its OWN master! And its choice…is…made]
Red wisps of energy flowed out from the stomach of Hats coalescing into a ball of light at the center of the chamber, near its ceiling. It held for a moment.

Then burst, blinding the entire party and plunging down into one of them.

In a few moments the light faded.

-Ah…damn that stings...well, who got it?-

(Heeheeheeheehee)

All eyes snapped to Poindexter who had grown taller, nearly as tall as Celestia herself, and clothed in flowing robes of the deepest crimson.

( I! HAVE! THE POWERRRRR!)

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

~~~~~~~

Bronze Pommel was used to certain individuals chasing after his marefriend. Really, really used to it. She was damn attractive, he felt, and understood why ponies hit on her all the time. She was worth chasing.

~GRAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!~

That said, normally when they were right on her tail, they had very, very different intentions than what the bundle of chitin, hate and anger had... or at least he hoped so. He wasn't sure how that would work, but he was sure he was not into that.

...Mostly not into that.

"Tell me you guys are almost done!"

Not exactly 'dignified captain' speech, he admitted, but the time for formalities had been tossed alongside the giant monster his marefriend has sicced, ineffectually, on the not at all giant relative to said giant but otherwise rather tall but somehow still able to beat up things that are giant way worse monster. That time is now in the same crumpled heap, and it wasn't getting up.

"Don't tell us how to work! We've been making traps since before your day, sonny boy!"

"Don't insult the captain!"

"Don't cry!"

"Don't tell me how to live!"

"Don't tell me how to tell you how to live!"

"Or what!?"

"Or I'll eat your soul! Can totally do that! That is a thing I can do!"

"Can you really?"

"...You don't know!"

On a normal day, this exchange would bring him despair. It would reinforce the belief that, of course, there would always be nothing but fighting on both sides until the end of time.

But this, if it wasn't already blisteringly obvious, was not a normal day. This was a day where he shuffled back, and noticed that despite one or two bickering in the midst, for the most part...

It was quite a sight he thought he'd never see. Ponies and changelings, building, forging, making something worthwhile all together. Fear or desire to live, he wasn't sure which, had caused them to forgo any and all cares to the matter of species and get stuff done as quickly as they could. They were working with everything they had to bring to life his plan, and hopefully at last end this constant beating that had been going on for far too long.

"BLOODY FUCK THIS THING IS FAST! How is something this big so fast!?"

~GRAAGGGHHHHH~

"That ain't an answer!"

He tried to focus, tried to keep his vision straight ahead, tried to only look to his workers and soldier and nothing else, but damn if it wasn't hard to do so. Every bit of him wanted to turn around and go right back to the daring actions he had been doing mere minutes prior. Every fiber of his being told him to get up and start swinging like a monkey with mental problems and bring this thing down like he had every other giant beast he had fought.

But, for once, he couldn't. He couldn't take the lead, fight the big bad on his own while everyone else only dealt with the scraps or got stuff ready. He had to, for once, oversee all of this. Directly supervise and not just trust that they were going to work out without him there.

It wasn't something he liked, to be honest, and keeping his mind off of things by barking orders at them was all he could do.

"Can't you stretch that any tighter?"

The changeling's look of irritation was one he expected, and was unmoved by, but less expected was him actually responding with words and not vague threats.

"No, I can't! It doesn't go any tighter!"

"Are you sure?"

"PRETTY DAMN SURE!"

"And trust him, he knows all about lack of ability to find tightness. Ask any mare he's dated."

"HEYOOOOO!"

They captain couldn't keep the twitch from his eye as a surprising number of his guard and the lings made gestures at the huffing changeling. He was torn, really, between being happy they were all getting along and trying to point out there was a fuckhuge monster currently chasing his mare and preparing to wreck her like she owed money to a god's loanshark.

"Can we please focus? Just... fine, if it can't get any tighter, double wrap it. Like a spiderweb."

"That-"

"And I swear if you make some kind of joke about condoms or BDSM or literally anything sexual, I will put you on the end of a stick and dangle you in front of her."

"...I have lasers, dumbass."

"Good, because what I don't have is fucks to give!"

He assured himself that, normally, he was a nice guy. He wasn't like this at all usually, he was sure. Just... he was having one of those days.

The kind of days that involved giant monsters who were not giant and wrecking the castle he lived in.

"I've only been here a month..."

"OH FUCKKKK!"

That crash had sounded way, way too close for his heart to take. At this rate, the rubble was going to save them all on a lot of grave digging costs.

He couldn't stand it anymore, not when he heard her start to flap faster in a panic. He had to do this, now. It wasn't done completely yet, but... it would have to do.

"Daw! Bring her around, we're almost set!"

"What!? No we're not!"

"Well then you better be quick!"

Watching every one of them shift into overdrive to finish was almost magical. Like watching ants work in perfect harmony to strip the corpse of a grasshopper.

...He wasn't going to think too hard about that analogy.

"If yer' gonna do somethin', you better do it now!"

Into the middle of the wrecked hallway he went, standing with legs braced and shoulders steadied.

Over that very shoulder she went, tearing ass like the hounds of tartarus smelled her bacon.

Towards him, it raced. The black monolith of power more frightening then pitch black clouds rolling in over the horizon, every hoofstep thundering like the boom of a thousand strikes of lightning rolling on the ground.

Sweat beaded on his brow as he stared into the whites of her eyes, completely gone with any sign of sanity. She was not Chitania, the Titan. Right there, in that moment, she was Rage, and nothing more.

And that rage only grew as she came closer... and closer... and closer....

And...

Closer...

"NOW!"

The signal was like that of a shaman calling the rain. From every side it came upon her, and it came with everything they had.

From the sides came the wires, long and thick, wrapped around her legs, burying themselves in the crooks of her holes and bends of her knees.

From above came rope after rope of green, sticky messes that stuck to her back and latched onto her like webbing of some mutated arachnid, pouring down her spine before hardening and growing taut against those that held it.

From beneath her, they sprung. Hidden machines that had been lying in wait, concealed in holes that had been mostly made by the very being they now attacked. They fired upon her with wave after wave of chill, ice sticking to her every limb, every extremity, every bend of the knee or crook of ligament that allowed her movement. They fired upon her until every reserve ran dry, and they too were as deeply consumed as the limbs of the being of Rage became.

For one single, solitary second, it was quiet.

For one single, solitary second... Chitania had stopped.

Breathless, eyes wide with wonder and shock, Pommel drank in every millisecond of this moment in time, drank in the awe of watching, for just this moment, the Titan of legend paused in her rage.

Just for that one moment, ponies on the ground with magic and wing and hoof holding cables, changelings in the air and on the walls with magic and wing and hoof holding their green strands, and machines inside the ground using both magical ice and metal muscle to grip her tightly... they held her back.

All of them, as one, held her back.

"I-"

But that was it.

That was all he was granted.

One little letter, one little beginning to a speech that would never be.

One little moment of victory, there and gone.

And when it had passed, it was gone forever.

~GRAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!~

Her muscles rippled with power he could not even fathom as she lifted her foreleg and with one single, solitary stroke, she brought it down.

The shockwave that rippled through the castle was nothing compared to those near her.

Some, like the machines, felt their bodies crumble as the ice and frost shattered beneath the force.

Some, like the changelings in the air, found themselves as pitched by a hurricane, tossed against the ceiling and either leaving in deep rents as they skidded along it or simply punching though it like a furious blow.

Some, like the ponies, found that walls of stone and plaster could not hold them, broken aside like it was made of syrofoam.

But only one, Pommel, found himself rolling ass over head backwards down the hall, his face contorted like he had been shoved into a wind tunnel.

When he, and the rest, came to a stop, there was only silence in it's wake. Silence of bodies on the ground, unmoving, not reacting... hopefully not dead.

There was silence.

~GRAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH~

For about half a second.

"GLK!"

There was a whole lot of choking after that.

~GRRRAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!~


Bronze Pommel had known many times in his life that there was a chance he was about to die. When he faced Bramhos, Red, monsters of legend or Daw on a bad day, he had known that, someday, his life might end.

And yet, he never got used to that feeling. That tingle that raced down his spine as he flailed and batted against the crook of the limb gripping his neck. That chill that rolled in the back of his mind as he looked into the eyes of the beast staring coldly at him as she reared back to her impressive full height. That dread upon spotting all the guard and changelings and machines in various states all around behind him, and none of those states were of a kind that would allow them to get up and save him.

That fear, and he could call it nothing else, when her other hoof came up, and cocked back, and he knew that all that was to come would be his head replaced with a fine red mist from where it had been before.

This, he knew, was the end of Bronze Pommel.

And he accepted it.

".....hoa... w... whoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhOAWHOAWHOAWHOAWHOAWHOAWHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEHEYHEYHEY!"

What he had a harder time accepting was the fact he clearly saw a body of white grab hold of that hoof that had been mere seconds from knocking his head off his shoulders and into the next country. A part of him had hoped that it had been Shining Armor, back once more to finish the fight he had won once before, but he knew Shining Armor, and Shining Armor was not that sexy.

Also not a mare, should probably have started with that.

"WHOA SUGAR BEAN CALM DOWN CALM DOWN DON'T KILL GUARD YOU DO NOT WANT TO KILL A GUARD TRUST ME I KNOW NOT FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE BUT I KNOW-"

Her babbling was undercut by another, slightly smaller form of the opposite color grabbing hold just as tightly to that limb that, while it had admittedly stopped, still seemed quite keen on giving him a haircut that would never grow back.

"MOM WHAT ARE YOU DOING-"

"GRRRRRAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!"



Bronze Pommel, in his life, had seen many, many, many strange things. Many horrifying things. Many wondrous things. Many things that were grand, and not so grand. Many things that were beautiful, and many things that churned his stomach. He had seen life at it's most vibrant, and death at it's worst.

But one thing he had not been privy to see was Chitania one month ago upon being reunited with her daughter. He heard, from reports, that the Titan had openly bawled in front of everyone, tears and everything, though he had a hard time believing it up till then. He still felt a little jealous, that he had not been able to witness what had to be a once in a lifetime event. But, at last, it seemed he had gotten his.

For he very much doubted that any other in the world had seen the look on Chitania's face when both mares let go and shuffled back in horror when she roared in her face. None, he imagined, had ever seen the look of a monster change so drastically from incomprehensible, uncontrollable rage... to looking like a frightened rabbit caught in the trap of a dragon.

None, he was sure, had ever seen a heart break like that.

So stunned he was watching her, he barely even registered when her limb went limp, and he fell to the ground, sore throat and all.

So stunned, he couldn't speak as her lips flapped soundlessly, and her eyes darted all around, and a single, shaking hoof rose up... and then came back down.

"I..."

Her voice croaked like a frog being strangled, teeth gnashing in what had to be a painful way. Her eyes just could not look to them, to her daughter especially, as they stared at her. Every strain of her muscles made it clear she wanted nothing more in the world but to run, but her body simply would not let her.

"I didn't mean to..."

Her hoof came up...

But this time... it didn't get to go back down.

Something stopped it, and held on.


"Well ya' did sugar bean! That scared the living daylights outta us! What the hay was that all about!?"

Not just one something... but two somethings.

"What is going on!? It looks like a fucking hurricane came through here! A hurricane made of PAIN!... IS THAT CENTITRAIN!?"

She didn't respond to them, either of them. She just looked so... he had no word for it, not really. Pommel just could not put to words what passed through her face as both mares, changeling and pony, came back up to her. Not afraid, not at all.

That look on her face, right there, said more than anything she ever could with words.

Even when they once more spoke together, in perfect harmony.

"WHAT THE *FUCK* IS GOING ON!?"

"I'm sorry."

Finally, at last, Pommel had found the words to speak.

When those twin eyes of hate narrowed in on him, he really, really wished he hadn't.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SHOOT ME FOR!?"

Once again, he found himself hefted into the air.... but thankfully not strangled.

"YOU SHOT HER!?"

"THE FUCK DID YOU SHOOT MY MOM FOR!?"

"It was an accident!"

"AN ACCIDENT!? Oh, OHHHHHH HELL NO! MMMNMMM! NUH UH! We ain't takin' that! I'm gonna go get me that lawyer off the billboard and we gonna see how ACCIDENT this way! HMM! You gonna really feel it, law style! Like the law! Huh!? Think it's so cool when you can use it to push us around but NOW YOU'RE GONNA GET IT!"

Why, oh why, he suddenly felt that the sassy ex-prostitute-or current, he wasn't sure what was going on there- getting up in his face was ever bit as intimidating as the ex-giant monster, was a question best left to the annuls of time.

"THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL!? Why the fuck would you shoot her!? No, fucking seriously, I'm calling Queen Chrysalis and you know what!? You're all gonna get it! CHEWED UP AND SPIT OUT! THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING IT'S CHITANIA! I should make you all think you are giant bunnies! DO YOU WANNA BE BUNNIES!? YOU'D LIVE LONGER!"

Much like the question of 'if they don't drink anything how could the changelings look like they're pissing themselves'.

That one, too, is best left unanswered.

"They didn't mean to, it was my fault... well, technically it was THEIR fault, but we'll get to that after we deal with the apologies."

"WHAT!?"

Oh, thank goodness, for a second he had worried that Chitania had forgotten what talking was.

He never worried about her losing the ability to rage, though. That just seemed like a built in feature.

Especially when she looked to the smug, preening, self-important looking bitch hovering in the air above them all, with the gryphon and stallion 'bolt on either side of her.

"I WILL EAT YOUR FUCKING SOUL!"

She seemed as unbothered by that as she was by the groaning changeling who said "Told you so" in the background.

"No, me first! I'm arresting you, locking you up, putting you in a box, putting that box in the river, putting that river on a mountain, putting that mountain on the MOON AND THEN YOU ARE-"

"A-HEM!... Gilda?"

Wordlessly, the gryphon slapped a form into her outstretched hoof.

"Soarin?"

A pen was likewise slapped into the other one.

Smugly, she drew the tip of said pen across her tongue in a long, drawn out LIIIICCCKK, before she brought it to the paper.

“Well, needless to say, I’m writing an F here. See this? Biiiiiiig old F right on the top. This isn’t even an A to F scale, and I’m writing it anyway.”

“…what.”

Any flatter, and Pommel qualified as a plateau.

“Your training exercise, you failed it… a lot.”

“…what…”

Scratch that, he now qualified as a whole other plain of existence.


“So! First off, mobilization. When regarded with an unruly individual, you directly engaged despite lacking in the proper means to bring in her tight, sexy little ass. There’s an F. Then we have crowd control. When facing an unruly mob, Captain’s response?... Get run over. Guards, when faced with an unruly mob, reacted with ‘make a bigger mob and attack'... heehee. Peacetrotter response, ignore the mob and focus on the gryphon that slapped them… wow. Guards failed to properly de-escalate a situation. In fact, I’m making a special note of this, they escalated it until we had actual projectiles flying! Oh, and then endangering a civilian!? You actually forced the beam towards a civilian! Wow, just wow. See this? There is not enough F grades in the world. Then, when civilian reacted badly, your response was to bring in the previously unruly mob, then involve a civilian, then... go get a giant monster. Yep. Needless to say, this whole training exercise has been a total failure, and I'm going to be reporting this to Rainbow Dash very shortly.."

"...Training... exercise..."

Where the octaves in his voice had gone, he would never know. Probably buried.

Like Fleetfoot was about to be.

"Yep."

"Training...... exercise....."

"That is, indeed, what I said."

"...you conducted a training exercise... with civilians, FOREIGN CIVILIANS, involved them with an armed military without their knowledge, and then you conducted this without running this by me, the captain of the guard."

"Wouldn't be much of a surprise inspection if you knew."

"And then... you fucking conducted this... you conducted this 'exercise'... inside... INSIDE OF THE MOTHER FUCKING CASTLE, WHEN NONE OF THE HIGHER UPS ARE PRESENT, AND! WITH! CIVILIANS WANDERING AROUNNNNND!?"

The rage held by Chitania seemed almost familiar to them all as the red overtook his eyes.

"Wow, yeah, that was super dangerous. Lucky you hit someone who didn't die, right?"

"G-...G-g-g.... GRAGAGHGG!"

On the impression scale, they would give it an eight, minimum.

"SO MANY THINGS COULD GO WRONG! SO MANY THINGS *DID* GO WRONG! SO MANY PONIES COULD GET HURT OR KILLED OR WORSE AND DON'T FUCKING ASK WHAT'S WORSE IT COULD HAPPEN!"

"Oh yeah, thank goodness we were here to supervise."

"WHO FUCKING GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO-"

"Look, buddy, if you've got a complaint, take it up with the boss."

She slapped it in his face without a care. A piece of paper so carefully kept, carefully preserved.

Sure enough, there it was.. a detailing of the planned events, up to the changelings and peacetrotters anyway, even detailing that the signer had gotten permission from both Celestia and Chrysalis themselves to approve this exorcise.

And, sure enough, there it was... a signature. A signature he knew, had studied to make damn sure a fake never slipped past him. A real, true, signature.

Rainbow Dash.

"As for you guys, about the whole 'suing' thing... go for it!... Whelp! That was a trip, better get this over to the office for whenever she gets back, gonna be a hell of a report! Goodbye, all!... Oh! And Ten, did you get what you wanted?"

There it went. There went the blood vessel in his eye when he spotted the famous reporterling come up, robot companion in tow, and give her a hoofs up.

"Righteo! Thanks for the scoop, Miss Fleetfoot!"

"Anytime!.... Whelp, come on, bolts!"

Smugly, so very damn smugly, she flew off. Soarin' and Gilda behind her, gone before any more bursts of rage could let loose.

Only one of them, a single one, stayed back.

"You uh, want me to help, Captain Pommel?"

Only Bulk Biceps made the offer.

"...No, Bulk, we have this one."

He wanted to stay, that much was obvious.

But he didn't. He wasn't smart, but he was smart enough to know when he needed to go.

Much like the ex-prostitute who got in front of him once again, and prodded him in the chest.

"YOU'RE GONNA HEAR FROM OUR LAWYERS... WHEN WE GET SOME! Then OOOOH! You're gonna get it!"


She huffed, trotting past his field of view, awkwardly having to avoid all of the bodies littering the ground.

"Mother?"

Chitania snapped from her rage, looking down at the so much smaller one.

"...I'm sorry..."

So quiet, less than a whisper even, but Thirteen heard it.

"We... we better go. You ready?"

She outstretched her hoof, and without a word the Titan took it, and lifted the smaller changeling to her back.

She had been planning to chew the captain, or at least the wonderbolts, out herself. But... Chitania just could bring herself to care. There was something more important, right here. Something that told her she needed to leave.

Before she made another mistake.

With the crunch of stone beneath her hoof, the Titan walked away.

"...this has been the worst day ever."

The flapping of the wings could not bring Pommel from his thoughts, not even when his marefriend took her place by his side.

"Talk about a bust."

"Oohhhhh! And she knows all about busted!'

"That is right my Buzz! Well, that was an exciting rumble here over in the castle."

"Hasn't rocked this much since Shining Armor's wedding night!"

"OHHHHH!"

"WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP AND HELP US!"

"Looks like he needs a hoof."

"Is it night time already?"

"OHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"WILL YOU FUCKING HELP US!"

Those words, the strange levity to them, that was enough to make him turn around. Turn around and look down what had been an endless path of destruction. A path now littered with changelings and guards buried in rubble...

But not staying in rubble.

"See this shit? This is why we stay in the ballroom."

"After this, I'm tempted to join you all."

"Fuck you, you get the drafty corner if you do."

"You can just plug that thing with a blanket."

"LIES!"

He didn't know what to say as he watched them. Watched hooves of black and white move rocks off of one another, watched magic mingle as it shifted the remains away and helped those to their hooves that could not on their own. Watched as changeling, and pony... spoke.

"See, this is why we leave this shit to the princesses."

"Queen first, THEN us!"

"...But we totally stopped her."

"Right!? I will never stop bragging about that."

"I am getting SO laid!"

"You sure you have enough hot air to blow her up?"

"OHHHHHHHHH!"

"WILL YOU FUCKERS SHUT UP!"

It was alien, it was unusual...

But it was something he never wanted to stop watching.

"Uh... Captain?"

So caught up in it, he didn't even notice when they all finished up, and gathered before him.

"What now?"

Dusty. Dirty. Their pristine coats stained with rubble, they looked to him.

And, for once, he knew the answer.

"...Get the changelings back where they want to go, I'll call the cleanup and construction crew to fix all of this, and then take yourselves a short break."

"And then?"

"...then we get back to work...and someone get some ice for Centitrain."

They groaned, but obeyed. Be it the changelings derisively laughing it off and deciding they 'were going back into hiding', the guards pushing themselves to keep on, or the Peacetrotters scooping up their bretherin to be repaired.

He should've let them rest just a bit longer. A part of him wanted to... but another part had seen something, when they had worked together like that.

When they had held her back like that.

...He had seen the first steps to being a real, powerful, force to be reckoned with.

He just needed to bring it out.

"This all fucking sucked.."

Strangely, some might call psychotically, he could not find himself agreeing with the pegasi.

"...not all of it..."

Not all of it, at all.....

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Fleetfoot
"Soarin"
'????'
~~~~~~

The pair were laughing, guffawing to themselves and each other, slapping the other on the shoulder as they entered into the darkened room.

>We did it!

"We actually fucking did it!"

>I can't believe we pulled it off! No fucking way does she get out of this one! We fucking got her!

"WE! GOT! HER!"

'Eehhhhh, not quite.'

The two wonderbolts froze in their joy as the entered the room. With but a click, the lights turned on, and they found they were not as alone as expected.

Two light green hind hooves rested on Rainbow Dash's desk, connected to a smug, preening face that leered at the pair as they came in.

>...Lightning Dust?

"Have you just been hiding out over here?"

She didn't answer them, instead choosing to lean back even further, and smile even wider.

'You two are fucked.'

Fleetfoot, as always, was the first to respond.

>What... what do you mean?

With an almost casual flair, she reached inside of her oh so tight uniform, and pulled out... something.

'Probably thought you had her, didn't you?... Yeahhhh, get her to sign all of that, make sure that little bug is around to plaster this whole debacle on the papers, get her real good... would've gotten away with it too, wouldn't you? But eh... you're not the only ones who can use bugs, you know.'

With a simple twitch, her hoof close in... and static filled words began to play.

>You got it?

"Signed and dotted."

>Didn't even notice she said Chrysalis and Celestia okayed this, did she?

"No fucking way... this is pretty risky, you know."

>Damn right, can't wait to rub it in her face after this.

"...Fuck. Yes."

With a click, the sounds stopped.

As did the hearts of the two wonderbolts.

>How... how did you get that!?

She didn't need to say it.

She just needed to give them a look, and it said it all.

>...T-that... that just proves we thought she didn't read it! Didn't even confirm, just had a strong suspicion!


"Yeah! You can't arrest us, it was still signed by her, not forged, and all of it was deemed okay! Any endangerment or problems is on her!"

>None of this was illegal! It was a form we submitted, she okayed, that was the end!

"You've got nothing on us!"

>SHE is still the one who gets any backlash and would get arrested in an investigation!

"Yeah! Nobody can touch us for any neglect or anything without bringing down way worse on her, she's at the top!"

>She can't even take us down with her!

She laughed at them.

Openly, proudly, she laughed at them.

And they knew damn well why.

'Oh, come on... we both know that she was never going to get any 'real' backlash. A chiding from Applejack, sure. A 'friendship lesson' from Celestia, you bet. Maybe some "I feel bad" stuff. But on the whole? We both know her position is one hundred percent locked and cemented for as long as she wants it. No... you never wanted THEM to go at her, did you?'

The pits of their stomachs churned as she leaned forwards, tapping her hooves together.

'This was always about the public. Making them think that she was neglectful or terrible, making them request to Celestia she be taken down... but this changes the narrative, doesn't it? This isn't Dash being neglectful, this is you two hatching a plot against the poor, defensewess wittle element of harmony on her day off. You, not her, are the badguys now, and you know it. They're not going to ask for her to step down, they're going to praise her for forgiving you... or cheer when she kicks your asses to the curb. Because, as it turns out, yeah, it's not illegal what you did, we can't lock you up, but you did insult, seek to embarrass and openly mock your superior... ahem, officer. That's grounds for disbarment, if she feels like it. Or... punishment, of her choosing… think that Pommel fellow has any laundry he wants done?'

Tellingly, her eyes cut over to the old maids uniform that had gone unused since Spitfire's departure.


'The public isn't going to turn against her. Her friends are going to forgive her, and they're too untouchable for anyone to care. If the all the most important ponies in the world say she's forgiven, who are they to go against it?... But is she going to forgive you?'

Lock the locking of their coffins, they knew it was over.

"...W-why..."

'Isn't it obvious?'

She took a deep breath, shuffling a bit into Rainbow Dash's chair.

'Loyalty to the ones at the top has some... perks. That was you two a bit ago, and trust me I loved our time together, but I felt like moving up. And, wouldn't you know it, I'll bet she's looking for a second in command after all of this, and she's fresh out of ponies she can trust in the 'senior' level... maybe the one who saved her bacon instead? She seems like the type to reward... loyalty. From there, well... just gotta wait till she gets bored of this, or gets herself one of those horns. They're getting passed around enough, shouldn't be too long... and then I'll be there.'

She didn't even look to them as she lifted up, off the chair and over their heads.

'Sorry, guys, but life's one big race for me... and I saw a shortcut to the lead. Hope you had fun up to this point... it's over now.'

And then she was gone. Leaving alone the two wonderbolts that had, once upon a time, been untouchable, and unstoppable.

>...What just happened?

"That, Fleetfoot, was what it felt like when you go all in and lay down a royal flush... and someone has a better hoof."

>...Dash won again.

"Fleetfoot..."

Sadly, he started his way out, fully intending to go back to his barracks, and wait for what was to come.

"She always wins."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NCOMAKE!
>Chitania
"Sweet Note"
'13'
~~~

>Where the fuck were you guys anyway!?

"Oh, uh... we were getting ice cream."

>Oh, I suppose that makes sense.... did you get me any?

"..."

'Well we did, but we dropped it.'

>...

'Momma? Momma, stop crying.'

>This has been the worst day...

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

OMAKE!
>Pommel
"Daw"
'Figures'
~~~~

>...

"..."

'FOR THE EMPRESSSSS!'

>...I'm out.

"Me too."

>Done, done, DONE.

"Done."

>Gonna go back on the fucking boat.

'B-but we're-'

>"NO!"

'...'

>"...FUCKING... DONE!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NCOMOOKEY
>56
"Lyra"
~~~~

>Okay, seriously, why in the blue blazes do y'all keep followin' me? We have nothin, I say again, NOTHIN', to do with one another! So... so why?!

"You really want to know?"

>Yes! Yes for the love of plot, yes! Then I can finally get on with my mission of findin' the night guard captain!

"That's just it. I am your mission."

>...What?

"I said I am your mission. You're looking for the night guard captain? Well, here she is."

>...What?

"Only my second-in-command, Glimmer, knows of my secret identity. And she's actually been Bon-Bon this whole time."

>...What?

"Did it not ever strike you as coincidental that I always seem to to find you? Or that Glimmer and 'Bon-Bon' were never seen together? When we scout out new recruits, we take on new identities and play things real close to the chest."

>...What?

"But now it seems you've finally proven yourself. Enough to earn a hint at least, and that hint is... all you had to do was kiss our Princess's hooves and declare your loyalty."

>...What?

"So it might behoove you to do so, and swiftly. When you've completed your objective, report to the Lunar Guard lounge for initiation."

>...What?

"Farewell, 56. And don't worry, 'Lyra' won't be bothering you anymore. Next time we meet, you will know my real identity."

>...What?

Left to stand alone, 56's eyes were rolling in opposite directions as a result of what he'd learned.

>...What?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

OMAKE!
>Poindexter
"Spike"
~~~~

>I! AM! ALLLLL POWERFUULLLLLLLL!

"Unless you go in water."

>...

"Water, you know? Covers a lot of the planet? Water would be a problem."

>...

"..."

>...Not even gonna let me have this?

"I was robbed!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NCOMAKE!
>Changeling
"Guard"
~~~~~

>Aaaannnnnd welcome back to Fuzzy and the Buzz!

~Fuzzy and Buzz in the morning, 97.1!~
~R-REMIX!~

"Our top story today, a brawl in the halls of Canterlot castle!"

~HOLY MY PURSE!~

>Queen Chitania, after shrugging off a misdirected blast in the middle of a training exorcise, wrought hell upon a buncha poor guards and lings!

~SHOOT HER! SHOOOOOT HEEERRRRRRR!~
~Bang bang!~

"Connected to this is the shocking revelation that two wonderbolts may have deliberate set this whole thing up!"

~SAY WHAAAAA?~

>Always told you, you can't trust a mare who wraps it that tightly.

~OH BEHAAAVE!~

"That said, Chitania eventually was calmed when her daughter and marefriend showed up on the scene."

>Has that been confirmed?

"Buzzy, there is exactly two types of mares who will run up and grab that mountain of muscle, and she don't look like was fitting her for a dress!"

~BOINININING!~

~Henh henh, cause ah sex.~

>Will Canterlot be facing legal action here in the future?

"Here's a hint, exactly two things are about to get fucked today, guess who!"

>Well, seeing as you're out of the running...

"OHHHHHHH!"

~*Firetruck noises*~

>That's our show, tune in next time when this Fuzz gets the BUZZ!

"GOODNIGHT!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NCOMAKE!
~~~

He almost raced forwards, only to have a hoof reach out and try to catch him around his neck.

But, alas, it was too slow, and grabbed nothing but air.

{Ah, shit.}

[EEEP!]

With a tackle, he was upon her.

[S-Shinyooooooohhhhhh~!]

~Oh my... that's... interesting.~

{Holy shit, it's like watching one of those damn Chihuahuas.}

(Just humping away.. I'm mesmerized)

=...*Sizzle noises*...=

+I-I'M TELLING MOM!+

~~~~~~LATER!~~~~~~

'Well?'

+She uh... asked me to bro-hoof you.+

'...'

+I'm not gonna, I saw where that hoof went.+

'I'll still tell her you did.'

+I thank you.+

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC OMAKE!
>32
"29"
~~~

"So, our brother is seriously getting married?"

>Seems like it.

"Huh."

>...Getting any ideas?

"Like what?"

>Fuck the zebra.

"OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!"

>Fine, fuck the mayor.

"Thine crass words foul mine ears!"

>Fine, then fuck the zebra and the mayor at the same time.

"..."

>...

"..."

>...what?

"Is... is that possible? But I have only one dick!"

>..............................

"...what?"

>I-ugh... let me show you some porn.

"Some what now? What doth that word mean?"

>.......no, absolutely not.

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