Colored Mares Need Not Apply

Apr 27th, 2017
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  1. "Anon! Anon! I need to talk to you!"
  2. >You marched over to the green alien, a frown on your face and your chest puffed out
  3. >Anon, like he usually was this time of day, was lounging on his rocking chair, his feet kicked up and a glass of sweet tea on his grabbers
  4. >He was also wearing his not quite white suit, one of a dozen that Rarity had made for him
  5. >He was also sipping on an overly silly silly straw
  6. >But enough about that
  7. >You had more important matters to get to
  8. "Anon! I know you can hear me!"
  9. >Loudly slurping on his drink, Anon's green eyes flicked up to you
  10. >"Oh, morning, Twiggy," he chirped
  11. >You huffed
  12. "Don't you Twiggy ME, mister," you growled, stopping just short of him. "I heard that you refused Fluttershy's request to join your herd."
  13. >"Celestia did that, not me," the human replied. "The alpha mare has the say in those things."
  14. "But the stallion has a final say in the matter!" you said with a stomp of your hoof. "Anon, I understand that you have a weird fixation with the color white--"
  15. >"Fixation with the color white?" Anon said, interrupting you. "Whatcha mean?"
  16. >Your eyebrow twitched
  17. >Seriously?!
  18. "All of the mares in your herd are white."
  19. >"So?"
  20. "The suit you're wearing right now is white!"
  21. >"The color looks good on me. Ask Rarity."
  22. "...Anon, you made Princess Celestia repaint your bedroom and her chariot white."
  23. >Anon shrugged, taking another sip of his tea
  24. "She said that she was getting tired of purple and gold anyways."
  25. >You groaned, facehoofing
  26. >This bucking stallion...
  27. "Anon... I understand that really isn't any of my business, but Fluttershy hasn't come out of her house in TWO days because you said no!"
  28. >You ruffled your feathers
  29. >You and the other girls had tried your best to coax her out of her outside but no matter what you did she wouldn't budge
  30. >She got especially bad when Rarity had come over...
  31. "Look... I'm not saying that anypony should be in a herd, but if you told her no because she's yellow..."
  33. >"No, no, no, no, no. We didn't tell her no because of her fur color," Anon said, sitting up and waving his free hand.
  34. "Then why did you then?" you demanded
  35. >Sighing, Anon covered his face with a hand
  36. >"Look... it's a lot more complicated than that," he said. "I have a... method when sorting out the diamonds from the dirt."
  37. "Oh?"
  38. >This you'd like to hear...
  39. >Still up fully, Anon waved you over to his side
  40. >You trotted over and sat down, waiting for his most likely nonsensical reply
  41. >"I got three girls right now right?"
  42. "Yes. It would have been a fourth if you'd just--"
  43. >Anon waved his hand in front of your face, effectively shutting you up
  44. >"Just... play along with me here."
  45. >Your frown deepened just a hair, but nevertheless you motioned for him to continue
  46. >"Now, have you noticed any similarities between my girls? Anything that might make them stand out from other ponies?"
  47. >Playing along, you pondered the question
  48. "Well, all three of them are white..."
  49. >"They are," Anon said with a nod
  50. "And all three of them are mares of high class..."
  51. >"They're that too, and beautiful. But I want you to think outside of the box, Piggity."
  52. "...Don't call me that."
  53. >"I want you to picture any one of them. Fleur, Celestia, or Rarara. Pick any one and just think about what they look like," Anon said, wrapping an arm around your wither
  54. >Shaking your head, you closed your eyes and did as he asked
  55. >Since you had known the princess all of your life, she was the one that came to mind
  56. "Alright, I'm picturing Princess Celestia," you said
  57. >"Good, good, now what's different about her than say... Lyra."
  58. "The Princess is taller than Lyra."
  59. >"Yeah."
  60. >"Her horn is longer, and her mane and tail are more different too."
  61. >Though you couldn't see it, you could FEEL Anon smiling
  62. >"Alright, now picture that tail," he said. "Think about what that sucker's attached to."
  63. >Your brow furrowed
  64. "It's attached to the... dock?"
  65. >"Alright, and what's that attached to?"
  67. >You knew that the answer was the skirt, but you had a feeling that that wasn't the answer Anon was looking for
  68. >So what was it...
  69. >What was it...
  70. >Your face scrunched up, before you hesitantly cracked open an eye
  71. "...The rump?"
  72. >The smile on Anon's face widened
  73. >"There you go! Now think about the other girls. About their asses more specifically."
  74. "Anon... I'm not going to--"
  75. >"Come on. It's for science."
  76. "...It's not bucking science..."
  77. >Grumbling to yourself, you did as he asked, coming up with an interesting result
  78. >The Princess was a very... full-bodied mare, but now that you thought about it, Rarity had a pretty big flank too...
  79. >And Fleur was a model known for her curves...
  80. >Opening both eyes, you looked at Anon
  81. "So you herded with your girls because of their... butts?"
  82. >"Not just this butts!" Anon said with a wave of his hand. "But that has something to do with it. Now, think about Fleur. Where is she from?"
  83. >You blinked
  84. "She's from Prance right?"
  85. >Anon lightly nudged your jaw with a fist
  86. >"She is. And what to they speak in Prance?"
  87. "Prench, of course."
  88. >Looking back and forth, Anon leaned down toward your ear
  89. >"Do you know how hot it is hearing someone moaning out in Prench while you're fucking them?" he murmured. "If you don't I'd be more than happy to tell you just how hot it is. It's fucking hot. Volcano hot. In the middle of the sun hot. The temperature of the universe before the big bang hot."
  90. >A blush came to your face as the human began to knead your shoulder
  91. >Well...
  92. >You weren't expecting THIS when you came over to lay into him...
  93. >Anon, oblivious to your discomfort, continued
  94. >"Now, do you know what language both Rarity and Celestia also happened to speak fluently?"
  95. >The image of your teacher speaking dirty prench into Anon's ear came to your mind, only for you to violently expel the thought
  96. >Nope!
  97. >Nopenopenope!
  98. >NOPE!
  99. >You must have looked as horrified as you felt, because Anon let out a chuckle
  101. >"That, along with being three of the nicest, most beautiful and caring creatures in the world, how couldn't I love all three of them?" he asked with a smile on his face
  102. >You looked over at him
  103. "But what about Fluttershy?"
  104. >"A very long time ago I gave myself a rule that I'd never date a super quiet, shy girl," Anon explained, leaning back into his chair and kicking up his feet. "The quiet ones are usually the ones that are a bit funny in the head."
  105. >...Alright...
  106. >You didn't like the mental image that he had given you of your old teacher but you could believe it
  107. >Kind of...
  108. "But what about your suit?" you asked. "Why do you always wear white?"
  109. >Anon opened his mouth to answer but paused, a thoughtful expression coming to his face
  110. >"Huh... I only do have white suits don't I?" he asked, before taking another sip of his tea. "I never noticed it... weird..."
  111. >...
  112. >If it had been any other stallion you might have called shenanigans
  113. >But this was Anon
  114. >And he was... well, Anon...
  115. "So it wasn't because of the color of her coat?" you asked
  116. >"Nope," Anon immediately replied. "I'd never pick a mare because she was a different color from my girls."
  117. >You let out a sigh of relief
  118. >Good...
  119. >That might not make Shy feel any better, but at least you know why he said no...
  120. >"But I swear to god, if a gryphon trying to come in my herd I'm putting my fucking foot down," Anon said, raising a hand into the air. "I ain't getting into bed with some stinking, thieving bird, no siree bob."
  121. >...
  122. >You can understand that...
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