Fluffy hates sports: Part 1

1/5
>You've just completed the adoption paperwork at the fluffy pony shelter.
>A happy fluffy colt is practically bouncing off the walls of his carrier.
>"Wuv new daddee! Fwuffy an' daddee go new home now?"
"Yeah boy, we're going home."

>Put his carrier on the passenger seat of your car.
>Excited fluffy won't shut up about everything he wants to do.
>"Fwuffy wan' gif daddee huggies! Fwuffy can have nummies? Pwease pway?"
>He's so happy to leave that ghastly shelter.
>Overcrowded cages, poor light & ventilation, not enough food.
>The keepers told the fluffies all about how wonderful it is to have a home.
>This young fluffy got lucky.
>Out of all the fluffy ponies begging you to adopt them, he got picked.
>"Wuv daddee! Fank daddee fow gif fwuffy new home!"
>You can't keep this up.
>Pull over...stop the car.
"Listen, boy..."
>"Fwuffy wisten to daddee! Fwuffy am good fwuffy!"
"Quiet. Fluffy, I am not a nice human."

2/5
>Fluffy is confused.
>"Daddee am nice...fwuffy wuv nice daddee."
"No, fluffy. I just spent 5 years in jail."
>Fluffy is confused.
>"What jaiw? Why daddee go jaiw not home?"
"Jail is like the sorry box for humans...but you stay a long time."
>"Whhhaaa! Nu wike jaiw! Why daddee go bad pwace?"
"Because I hurt other humans."
>"Huwt? Gif owwies?"
"Yes, I hurt other humans and went to jail for a long time."
>Fluffy pony is nervous.
>"Daddee no mowe be nawghty? Daddee nice now?"
"Yes. I want to be nice to other humans, that's why I got you."
>"Yay! Fwuffy hewp daddee be nice! Gif huggies!"
"No fluffy. I have anger issues. My psychiatrist told me to get a fluffy pony."
>"What...what psy-kiy-o-twiss?"
"That's a doctor for your head."
>Fluffy pony is confused.
>"Daddee head owwies? Need huggies?"
"My psychiatrist told me to get a fluffy pony...and hurt him."
>"Whhhaaa!? Why huwt fwuffy!?"
"Every time I get angry and want to hurt humans, I'll hurt you instead."
>"Nuuu! Fwuffy wuv daddee! Why huwt?"
"It's hard for you to understand, but you're my stress relief."
"If I don't hurt you I'll hurt humans & go back to jail."
>"Nu huwt fwuffy! Bad hooman gif fwuffy owwies...go jaiw!"
"Nope, doesn't work that way, fluffy."
"In the eyes of the law you're a biotoy...not an animal."
"Nobody cares if I hurt you.  It isn't illegal."

3/5
>Fluffy is crying.
>He pees in his carrier.
>"Nuuuuu. Pwease daddee nu huwt fwuffy! Fwuffy wuv daddee! Wan' nummies...wan' huggies...wan' pway."
"You'll get food, and a place to live, but don't expect me to hug you or play."
>Terrified fluffy desperately looks for a solution.
>His feeble mind knows only food, shelter & play.
>"Fwuffy gif huggies...make daddee angwies go 'way!"
"Yeah, sure you can try, but it ain't happening."
>Fluffy squeals and bangs on the door of his carrier.
>"Whhaa! Hewp fwuffy! Bad hooman gif owwies! Save fwuffy!"
"Okay, fine..."
>Open the door of your car.
>Set carrier on sidewalk.
"You have one hour. If you can convince somebody to rescue you, you can go with them. No questions asked."
>"Yay! Nice hoomans save fwuffy!"

>Sit in the car and watch.
>People walk past fluffy without even slowing down.
>Fluffy cries and begs for attention.
>"Pwease hewp fwuffy! Bad hooman wan' huwt fwuffy! Pwease save!"
>Zero fucks are given.
>Some people even kick fluffy's cage.
>"Owwie! Why huwt fwuffy? Pwease hewp! Bad mista huwt fwuffy!"
>"Good. Hope he kills you so you never reproduce."
>"No more than a vermin like you deserves."
>"If I had time I'd stop and beat you myself."
>People in this town really dislike fluffy ponies.

4/5
>A small herd of stray fluffy ponies waddles down the sidewalk.
>"Yay! Fwuffies hewp! Pwease hewp fwuffy out!"
>Their leader sniffs the box.
>He snorts dismissively.
>"Nu wan' boy fwuffy. Hewd need fiwly fwuffies; make babees."
>"Nuuu! Pwease hewp! Bad hooman gif owwies! Pwease save fwuffy!"
>Smarty friend places his herd's safety first.
>"Nu. Dummy fwuffy stay in box. Hewd nu make hooman angwy...get owwies."
>The herd of strays waddles away.
>Fluffy screams and begs for help escaping.
>No human & no fluffy cares.
"Too bad...your hour is up."
>Fluffy pony bawls. "Nu wan' go home wif bad daddee...wan' nice daddee."
"Well, you're just an unlucky fluffy, aren't you."

>Take fluffy pony home.
>Put him in a big cage.
>4ft x 6ft; 3 ft high. Plenty of room for a young fluffy.
>"Owwiees now?" he whimpers.
"Nah...you'll know when I'm ready."
>Give fluffy his food.
>Show him the litterbox.
>Go watch the hockey game.
>Your team loses.
>Bad call from the referee in the last period.
>Stupid goddamn bastard.
>Anger building...gotta stay calm.
>Don't go to the ref's house and burn it down.
>Time to use the fluffy pony.

5/5
>Fluffy knows it's time.
>In a full panic he runs, banging into the walls of his cage.
>"WHHAAAHHH! Nu owwies! Pwease nu huwt fwuffy!"
>Open his cage...he runs from your hand.
>Tries to "hide" by covering his eyes.
>Grab him by the fluff.
>Fluffy screams in terror, tries to hang onto his safe cage.
>Carry him out to the garage.
>You have a hockey net out there.
>Strap a 10lb SCUBA weight to fluffy, hanging under his belly.
>Set fluffy down in front of the goal.
>His little legs scramble to escape.
>Fluffy can not move an inch.
>"Whhaaa! Weggies pwease wowk! Hewp fwuffy wun 'way!"
>Set up a dozen pucks.
>Not regulation hockey pucks, those would kill him instantly.
>Lighter weight practice pucks.
>Get your stick.
>Fluffy cries piteously.
>"Pwease nu sowwee stick...pwease nu owwies, daddee."
"FUCK YOU REF!"
>Launch each puck directly at fluffy.
>Powerful slap-shots.
>They hit him in the face, on the body.
>Fluffy screams and thrashes to escape.
>9 hits, three misses...not too shabby.
>Collect your pucks, try again.

>An hour later, you're calm.
>Fluffy pony did his job.
>Drop him in his cage.
>He's battered and bloody.
>One eye swollen shut, teeth broken.
>Front legs shattered.
>Nose and mouth bleeding.
>Bruises all over his little body.
"Good job, boy."
>Give him a treat.
>You're going to enjoy having a fluffy pony.