Thread 107: Stories 61-75

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 >Lucky Strikes
"Gambling"
~~~

>You know, I was supposed to stop you.

"And this twenty bits says you didn't see nothing."

>..

"...Thirty?"

>...

"Thirty five is as high as I'm going."

>...

"...Is what I'm doing actually illegal?"

>Technically?

"...Twenty bits."

>... deal.

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OOCO
>42
"18"
'SA'
[Cadence]
{2}
~~~

>Drills for the day are in, all of the soldiers salaries for the next year are filed, and all armor and weaponry is up to code.

"All work regarding city planning and future expansion is in process."

'All foreign trade deals, salary for government staff and personal on site work here in the palace is filed and processed, and education enhancement deals are pending!'

[..I uh... I made cookies.]

>"'...'"

[...I helped Two make cookies, I mean.]

{YEP!}

>OH!

"Oh thank love."

'Great, honey!'

[Yep... glad I could help...]

>...So! Cookies?

{Marchmalley cookies!}

"The most important thing today!"

[...I might need to take up shaving sometime...]

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>Scientist
"Guard"
~???~
~~~

~You all should be so ashamed of yourselves!~

>You know, this job was just plain not worth the money.

"You're saying that? You? I've seen your paycheck, asshole. It's more than I make in a year."

>Wow, that sucks.

~Is this how you would like to be treated? Is it? Do you want me to take you from your home, stick you in a tiny cage and only feed you the bare minimum because it 'interferes with results'?~

>Is she still going?

"She never stopped. Never. I don't know if she ever will stop, ever-ever."

>She's making me feel really bad, though. We're talking terrible bad. I legitimately am feeling like I am a terrible pony the more she talks.

"Think that's the idea."

~Do you think they don't have feelings? Do you think they don't know what pain is? Well, I certainly see somethings in this room that must not have feelings, and certainly deserve to know what pain is!~

>Bunsen over there is crying.

"Bunsen? You know how terrifying it is to watch Brickwall curl up into a ball sobbing 'I'm not a bad pony I'm not a bad pony'? You tell me a pony who wouldn't blink at seeing the head of security at this place sobbing like a filly. You point them to me right now."

>I think George is contemplating suicide.

"...Gryphons have such weird names."

>I noticed that.

~Some of these animals are endangered! Endangered! Do you know what that means? You're about to!~

>Do you at least get dental?

"HA!"

>I get dental.

"Well lah dee dah mister fancy teeth."

>Yeah, teeth aren't worth the chewing out I'm getting right now.

"...I was lead right into that one, wasn't I?"

>Sorry.

~What do you all have to say for yourselves?~

As one, the dozen or so scientists and three dozen or so security guards looked to her, that angry, huffing yellow face no longer hidden behind a waterfall of pink mane.

And they all felt terror.

Some of them had to strain against their bindings, which were anything from snakes made of wires from the walls or bricks of inescapable jello, in order to do it, but she would have nothing less then them looking her right in the eyes.

>...Sorry?

"We uh... this was just a job."

~That's no excuse! Now, you are going to tell me exactly where you got these poor animals from, and every last one of you are going to help me put them back! It's the least you can do!~

>Yes ma'am.

"Er, princess?... Are we going to prison?"

~We'll see! I'm very, very upset at you all right now!~

>Sorry Mo-... misses princess.

~Sorry is not going to cut it this time! Now, start talking!~

>...I feel so bad inside.

"I need to call my mom..."

~Now, I said!~

The chuckle was too low for any below to hear, be they princess or worker. Idly, the dark shape hidden in the shadows tapped the tip of his hoof upon the ground, unable to keep the wry smirk off his face.

There were certainly enough predators in this lab to refill the coffers he had drained over in Everfree, he wouldn't have to give up a single one of his subjects. Not to mention, of course, shutting down a quite unsavory lab doing some quite unsavory things to animals, that was doubtless to get him certain points with the princess as well. He hadn't even had to reveal his involvement, and certainly none down below save the princess had any idea he was here, for he merely pointed the being of unimaginable power in this direction and off she went.

As he had said, so many birds with a single stone.

Now, all he had to do wait, and then begin what would be no doubt a beautiful working friendship with the princess. So many issues, solved...

Idly, he wondered to himself if he should tell the mare he's been seeing that he took out one of her staunchest rivals in the Biomagical fields, just to get some points with her too...

Nah.

~You are bad and you should feel bad!~

Being the thing in the shadows was so much more fun.

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OOCO
>AJ
"SA"
'Celly'
~~

>...
"..."
'...'

Brush brush brush.

>...
"..."
'...'

Brush brush brush.

>...Ya' kno, ifh realah harh tah brush mah teef wif ya' watchin'.

"We're just waiting for you to be done."

'My bathroom is broken thanks to Mane-Iac thinking it was a leaking pipe, and Celly's exploded.'

>...Uh huh.

Brush brush brush.

>...Thif if unsettlen.

"Just pretend we aren't here."

'Ignore us!'

>...

Brush... brush...

>PTO!... All yer's.

"Thanks! You first?"

'Oh no no no, after you.'

>...A-Ah' need an adult.

"We are adults."

>Ah' dispute that, hard.

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>AJ
"Chitania"
'Pinkie'
~~~

>Yer' scarin' mah hometown.

"Boo."

>Haw haw, yer' a riot. Ya' ever try standup?

"What sound does a pony make after it makes me mad?"

'Oh! Oh! What sound does it make!?'

>Don't encourage her.

"Splat."

'...Ehhhhh, two out of ten.'

"I'm insulted. That was a perfect ten."

'Your jokes need better writing. Maybe try music? Ponies love music!'

"I haven't played an instrument in public in years."

>...Ah' beg yer' pardon?

'It's like a bike! You never forget. Here, try it!'

"...this is a weird ass violin, where the bow?"

'It's a banjo, silly! We're in ponyville, and we play it country down here!'

>Ah'm sorry, we just glossin' over the fact she can play a violin? That is... information. Not sure what kind, but that there is information.

"Oh, right. Banjo... how to resort to this one when the tubas ran out."

>Ya' can play tuba?

"Not as good as piano. Do you have a piano? I can play that."

'Left it in my other tree.'

>...Mah head hurts...

"Fine, I can work with this. Just need to-"

>What are ya' doin'?

"I'm trying to play this thing."

>Yer' holdin' it too high. Ya' play it down here.

"Don't tell me how to play this thing, I'll teach you, little pony."

>...

'..Oooh boy.'

>Pinkie, Banjo me.

'BANJOED!... Can I play too?'

"Bring it."

'WOOT! Three way banjo contest!'

>Yer' goin' down, bug monster.

"I've got another joke for you. What does the pony say when she's being beaten?"

'Oh! Oh! What?'

"......"
>...
'...'

"Exactly."

'...Four out of ten.'

>PLAY DANG IT!

DING~A~DINGDINGDING~DINGDINGDINGDIIIING~

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>Pommel
"QS"
'SG'
[LS]
{Haymaker}
~~~

>...You ever feel like, at some point, this job just plain stops making sense?

"If it ever made sense before, I wasn't present for it."

'I'm pretty sure this is the most normal thing that happened this year.'

[She's not that bad at it, actually.]

{Which she?}

>Think he means the one that ate me.

{Oh, yeah... got some mad skills, I'll admit.}

"Princess is better."

'Well, that's just a given. She's clearly still struggling with those giant hooves.'

[Really, that the giant monster can play it at all is something to be admired.]

"Inspiring is what this is."

>...I wanna go back on the boat.

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>Screwloose
“12”
_____

One was stretched out on the beat-up couch.

The other was posted by the open window.

“You’ve been flipping through that same stack of notes for the past three hours, Screwloose….”

>Mmmmhm, and you, my little lovebug, have been staring out the window with that milksop expression for the past four hours.

“I’ll milk your sop.”

>Nice retort, real A+ effort there, but leave the milking to me, I guarantee you’ll enjoy it better.

“I… wow. Um… shit….”

>Ha, I’m not even looking your way and I can tell your blushing, pervert.

“Annnyway, the notes… what’re they about? You keep shuffling and reshuffling, swish-a-swish, swish-a-swish, what’s up?”

Ignoring him and sporting a rather toothy grin, Screwloose pushed herself up along the couch until she was hanging upside-down over the edge.

>So on a scale of one to ten, let’s say that hypothetically… something happened to wipe out your entire species. Like, we’re talking extinct as fuck, nothing left but memories, no chance of a rebirth. How upset would you be, scale of one to ten?

“…’Kay. We’re talking hypothetically, right?”

>Completely and utterly hypothetical.

“Would I still be alive?”

>I believe so, yes.

Chin in his hoof, Twelve glanced back at the grinning mare, letting his gaze linger for all of six seconds before reassigning his concern back out the window.

“You know, Screwloose… a long time ago I used to have this one hivemate. He was drone-class, like me, destined for nothing but grueling work until he was one day killed or died of love depravation… but he was a weird one. He used to say things like ‘to achieve balance, you sometimes have to cut off what you love’ and all that sort. I used to just think he was insane, we all did. But as the years went on, and when he WAS eventually killed by our Queen, all that nonsense from before? It started to make sense in the craziest ways. Course, now that it’s too late, I see what he meant and sometimes I wonder.…”

>…

“So to answer your hypothetical question, I’d be on both ends of the scale. Spastically elated and horrendously heartbroken at the same time.”

It was rare that anything caused Screwloose to adopt a solemn expression, so it was surprising when she flipped upright on the couch, paused with some thought, then set her notes aside to make her way to Twelve’s side.

>…You know I’d never let anything happen to you. Right, Twelve?

He stayed staring out the window, stiff as a mountain even when he felt a nuzzling warmth along his neck.

“What I know is… if you want balance, something might have to happen to me. I’ll let you figure out if it’s worth it, Screwloose.”

>…You’re such a damn spoilsport, pervert.”

They shared a small smirk.

“Reality sucks, doesn’t it?”

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>29
"Luna"
~???~
~~~~

He had hoped, neigh, he had prayed if he were to be honest, that once that horrid mess with that unworldly being had been settled he would at last be returned to reality. At last freed from this torment that had been the remainder of his life until this point.

Alas, he was merely dragged to yet another location.

>Oh, whatever could this place be, dare I wonder? A maze of horrors? A trap laden room of terrors? Perhaps tis nothing more than row after row of hammer to be brought down upon mine head? What, oh what, is in this place?

Despite his groaning, despite his fear, despite the feeling he had that this would be yet another time that would bring him pain, something was amiss.

Something felt off about this lavish, wonderfully decorated palace room, the downy soft pillows on which he laid, the silken sheets all around his body, the warmth of the room and the positively decadent looking snacks on the table at his side.

Something was off about all of that, just a bit.

Maybe it was the lovely, sexy little number he was suddenly wearing, that might've been it.

>Oh? Trying to make up for that event with a bit of temptation to mine soul? Well, I'm not one to turn down a lovely reconciliation in dream form...

"Tis no dream. This... is reality."

>...Oh?

Something about that worried him.

"At last, you have been given as you wish, Twenty Nine."

Something... tempting.

So very, very tempting...

>A-ah... ahem. Princess, while I have made my... preferences very well known before, and to be sure thou art... striking in thine visage to a level I've never partaken before, but though I must be quite the sight in this, and would be even more the sight atop...

He groaned, wasting no time before slamming a hoof to his face, trying, and quite failing, to drive 'those' images from his mind.

He knew of his promises to his kin, but asking him to be so strong is to ask an ant to hold up the sky.

>... I must decline...

Oh, the things he must do for family. Every single letter was yet another razor blade to his mouth, every single syllable fire that burned his throat raw.

>This is mine final test, isn't it? Tis a method to drive me mad, and thou laugh within at mine misery. To finally drive me to mine wits end by dangling that which I have so sought, so deserve, in front of me only to snatch it away! Woe, such cruelty! Have I not suffered enough upon this night? Have I not been of such a state of pain for so long tis nothing left of me but scraps? Why does thou seek to burn the scraps that remain? Why does thou seek my pain, my hate? Does thou seek the fires of my rage? Then take it! Cherish it to keep thee warm in your cold heart, and let me burn away!

"Ahem, Twenty Nine?"

>What!?

"We do not recall saying t'would be us that granted it so. We know many, many royals, and many who have quite... unique tastes?"

>...Ohhh?

Interest.

Peaked.

Among other things.

"We realize now that we were trying to force thee to see it our way, that only when seen through an alicorn's eyes could true wisdom be held. Well, we realized our folly when we saw thee crumpled and much like ourselves. Perhaps, it seems, a teacher does not have to drill in lessons, but learn... as we ourselves did."

>Mine curiosity has been peaked! Now, what must I do?

"Nothing."

>...Nothing?

"Nothing at all. The Emperess- and before thou asks her empire is roughly double the size of Manehatten-"

>Plenty for me!

"-will return come nightfall, and then thou shall fulfill her every fantasy, and then some."

>EEEEE!

He did not care how childish it was.

He was going to squee.

"Merely wait, perhaps wander about-but not too far from this room- if thou wishes to stay in shape, and that is the end."

>This... this is too good to be true. What is the catch?

"No catch, no tricks, nothing of the sort. She is not cruel, she is no old and haggard crone, or anything like that. And in case you doubt it so..."

To puncuate her point an image was conjured of a quite tall looking pony, not quite of the level of beauty of a princess but certainly not lacking in that department in any fashion.

"She is simply a mare with wild desire, who will treat you well. Thou said that thee wished for royalty's desires to sate-"

>I did!

"And thou art given it. The end.

>...I'm so, so happy...

He was.

He truly was.

At last, he had been given it all. He had been given all he desired.... All he deserved.

He had succeeded, at last.

"Good! Now, simply sign this, and off thee we shall go."

A letter floated before him, eagerly snatched by his hooves. Yet, it was not the contract promising utter debauchery and release to any injuries one would sustain in the making of love so grand it would put the filthiest minds of the generation to shame. No, nothing like that, it was, instead...

>A letter of resignation?

"Of course. Obviously, thou cannot hope to continue thine work with the mayor at this point. This is very much a full time job, and she is much too far away for travel to be possible inbetween."

Something very cold suddenly appeared within his stomach, and he could not fully explain why.

>...Oh, so I take it we are quite far from ponyville?

"Did thou think that we had Empresses with massive land just behind our mountain? Even if she had been in Canterlot, the trips back and forth would be too long for thou to easily maintain. How could thou hope to be a bringer of pleasure for a royal, and also an assistant for a small town mayor? Did thou not seek out such a state to leave a place so unworthy behind?"

>...Well yes, I suppose it was... quite silly to assume I could be in two places at once. So-

"So I will have to, unfortunately, switch my teachings to Zecora for dealing with the children. Not to worry, she is quite capable of handling it."

>O-oh, of course, I never doubted that. But it seems... like a lot for her to handle. Can I not handle some of them here?

"Perhaps the few with the dreams, but any physical interactions are right out. Thou cannot be out and about on grand feats of salvation while also working, after all. Thou is to be on call whenever she feels... a need? That is the job applied for, was it not?"

>Well, yes...

"Oh, and not to fear, Trixie will no doubt be taken in by one of thine other friends. While I doubt they can help her with her shows, thou can write to her at the very least, yes? She will be fine."

>Of course, they wouldn't leave her, but...

"Is something the matter? Have no worries, thou shall be cared for and given whatever fancy desired on a whim, she is quite lucrative to those who... perform admirably, and though we are loath to admit it, the odds of your bragging and description of abilities holding at least a kernel of truth is enough that you will no doubt fulfill that. "

With every word, a stone dropped into his gut.

>...but what of mine cousin?

Leaving him heavy, inside.

"Hm? Well, clearly he can't follow thee to this land."

>...no, no of course not, he would not like it in such a place, and I could not spend as much time with him as he needs.

"Not to worry, this also pays quite well. Even if thou does not see him so often, he shall no doubt be given enough wealth to chase whatever fancy he wishes. We shall ensure he does not hurt himself, as well. He will be taken care of, even if you are not there, personally."

>Right... even if I'm not there.

He would have to miss quite a lot, it was true. There would be no way to make school plays, or graduations, or... much of anything, really. Only visits whenever the Empress was away, and she did not wish to bring him with her.

"They will all get along, not to fear. Simply sign that paper, and begin thine new life exactly as thou wished it to always be. We are sorry we could not be the teacher you needed, and we hope this makes up for it in your new life. Sign the paper, and be free... our former student."

It was heavy in his hooves. Like lead, not paper. It felt as if it would break through at any moment, and sink right into the floor. It was... heavy.

So very heavy.

"Is something the matter?"

There was, and it was clear for all to see. The look on his face spoke of a trillion billion mixed feelings, all dancing within him and around him.

This is what he had wanted, exactly as he had asked it to be, for so many many years. His whole life had been building to this singular moment, when at last he was granted all he desired and all he had needed. There was nothing here he had not asked for, no tricks or things turned on it's head, merely...

It was. Exactly as he had wished it upon every falling star, it was.

"You seem troubled, my former student, what is the matter?"

>...I... I do not know...

"You don't? Is this not what you wanted?"

>It is... it's everything, but...

"But what?"

He didn't know what to say.

He didn't know how to say it.

He didn't even know if he should say it.

"Oh, perhaps we were a bit... hasty. After all, this is a big change in so little a time, perhaps you at least wish to say goodbye? Is that the issue?"

The thought was as tempting as it was heartbreaking.

"Or perhaps... this is not what it seemed?"

His heart seized at the words, every fiber in his being compelling him to spit fire and vigor at such a crude, untrue thought, to deny it with a force of a thousand exploding suns that he deserved anything less than what he was presented with right now.

"Perhaps... getting what you wished isn't quite what you thought it would be"

But not a word came from him, not a peep.

"Things are different, when you are sitting victorious sometimes, my student. But, no matter, this is clearly what you wanted, and tis merely the informality of not quitting in presence that unsettles you. We shall be off so thou can give that to her face to face... unless thou wishes we stopped?"

He did.

He did wish for her to stop, to leave him to this life. It was so tempting, so beautiful. It was a life he had seen in his mind every night he could dream of it. This was the life he had wanted, for all of time. He should stop her, he knew.

But he did not.

He did not stop her as she carried him away on the wings of dark magic, carried him for a time he knew not how long, and placed him before the doorway he knew so well.

The doorway to the toiling, long work he did every day, till his hooves cramped and his mouth was dry and he hated any brainless pony that lived in this damned town. He was placed before the door, his former teacher gone away, and it was only with shaking hooves that he pushed it open.

~There you are! Niney, we've been worried sick, where did you go!?~

There they were. There they were... the three he had come to know, and enjoy being with every second he could. The tricy Trixie, and all her magical wiles. The wondrous shaman who needed no magic to outenchant even the most powerful of mage, Zecora, and... Mayor Mare. The one who had given him his very first job, his very first... friend, even if he hadn't wanted it.

They had wanted him around, even when no other would. They sought out his presence, rather than wished it away. He was a hoof full...

They carried every pound.

~Hey, Niney? You okay? Where were you?~

Even if he wasn't worth the weight.

>...Dreaming.

~Oh, Luna had you doing dream stuff? Phew! We were worried you wandered off or something! So, did you just wake up?~

The paper in his hooves shook, rattled like it was made of tin and crumpled ever so slightly. All he had to do was give this away, and he was free to have all he wanted, all he deserved.

~Niney?~

~Speak already, she is asking if you just awoke. Hurry now, it is time you spoke.~

~Yeah, Twenty Nine, did you just wake up?~

>...I'm not sure yet...

~What does that mean?... Hey, what's with the paper?~

Give away this life, and obtain the one he wanted. Give away the time with them, and this place.

>...It's...

All he had to do was give it all away...

>...It's nothing.

It burned him, not simply in body, when the paper in his hooves was set alight. It burned him down to his very heart, his very soul.

Yet, strangely, the hurt...

~HOLY SHIT TWENTY NINE! Did you just set that on fire!?~

~Why would you set that paper alight!? You were holding it, are you not that bright!?~

~Oh crap oh crap come here, holy shit that must have hurt!~

It stopped.

The hurt stopped so quickly, when they rushed up to him, and every one of them held nothing but concern and worry. No anger, no irritation, merely... thinking of him.

~What were you thinking!?~

>...I was making sure this was real.

~Well, congratulations! Was it that really worth it!?~

>...It was. It was a wonderful dream, while I had it.

They looked to each other, still concerned, still worried.

...for him.

~Niney? You okay?~

>...It was a wonderful, wonderful dream while I had it... but reality is so much more.

They had no response to that, for how could they? How could they understand... they didn't need to.

Seeing him happy, was enough.

He was happy, it was enough.

It was enough for them... and for his teacher.

The teacher with eyes sparkling in delight so bright with wonder, and joy.

For she had just taught her very first, real lesson.

At last... she was a teacher.

"We cannot wait to tell our sister."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________


>Chrysalis
"Cadence"
~~~

The way the snow fell was nothing less than magical.

>That one looks like a bunny.

"That one looks like a one legged crocodile."

>Or a no-legged crocodile who made due with lady-crocodile thoughts, HAH!

They didn't feel even a bit of the cold as they lay on their backs in the frosty remains, not even a little. They lay opposite the other, head-to-head, horns almost touching as they continued to look to the sky, watching the snowflakes fall.

"Oh! That one looks like Shiny!"

>They all look like Shiny if you look right, benefit of him being white and that sky being dark blue.

They had exhausted themselves in their fun, blasting everything they could see and many things beyond sight, their magic drained as the remains of their actions were hidden away in the endless blizzard. Content, they had decided to relax like this, to forget their worries for just a little while longer, even after the time had past.

"You just see Shiny everywhere."

>Heh, and you don't?

"That's different."

>Oh? Why's that?

"Because I'm in..."

it suddenly felt a lot colder.

>...Heh.

"Is that funny to you?"

>Yep.

"Why?"

>You're just funny.

"...Do you actually? I mean, really, truly?"

>...

"...that's about the answer I was expecting."

>Does it bother you?

"Wouldn't it to you?"

>...Guess so.

The wind, at least, kept the world from being nothing but void.

>Do you want me to say sorry

"Would you mean it?"

>Should I?

"... I don't know."

>...Me either...

It wasn't as warm as it had been when they started.

>...You're not useless, Caddy... I'd notice if you were gone.

...It wasn't as cold as it had been so long ago, either.

"Thanks."

>Yeah... no problem.

They should get in, before the cold got too strong.

>...That one looks like Forty Two when she saw you cook breakfast.

"It does!"

But, perhaps, they could stay just a little while longer.

Away from their worries, and how things had to be...

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>18
"SA"
~~~~

...Nothing went wrong.

The date was almost over, they were just taking the long way home thorough the crystal gardens, and nothing had gone wrong.

>I must be dreaming...

Nothing had blown up.

Nothing had been wrecked.

Nothing had been hurt or broken.

Nothing had even caught on fire.

Nothing, absolutely nothing, had gone wrong. It had been a nice, pleasant evening, filled with delicious food, some amazing atmosphere, some lovely conversation and absolutely nothing else of note or event.

Nothing, absolutely nothing, had gone wrong...

She should be happy, she should be ecstatic, she should be nothing less than glowing with joy.

So why...

>...Does it feel like something was missing to you too?

"Thank FAUST, someone else said it. Yes, this whole evening, right?"

>Right! Just... something was just a litttle off. Just, something not quite where it should be.

"You think we skipped over something?"

>I don't think so, everything hit the checklist.

"...For future reference, do not bring checklists to date."

>It's just... some THING was missing, right?

"Right."

>Right!?

"Right!"

>...So what was it?

"No idea."

>... and you know what? I'm not going to question it.

"Me either. This for once went off just fine, nothing bad happened-"

>No attacks or reveals-

"Not even a single fire. Yep. We're going to go home-'

>-call this a win... and maybe snuggle?

"...Maybe."

>EEEEE!

"Yep, we're just going to... did I just see Cadence go into that wine store?"

>...

"..."

>....Nooo...

She could hear the gods laughing.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

OMAKE!
>SA
"18"
~~

>...Or we could just leave.

"Right, or we could just leave."

>She's a big girl.

"An adult, really."

>Why would we ever have to get involved with this?

"There's no reason, really."

>Maybe she's trying to surprise us.

"Oh god we're spoiling the surprise!"

>We can't do that.

"It's the worst!"

>Nope. We are going to have to just turn around.

"Total one eighty."

>Go home.

"Right back to the castle."

>And maybe I get laid.

"...wait what?'

>LET ME FINALLY GET SOME I'M THE ONLY GODDAMN MARRIED MAIN CHARACTER!

"...Uh..."

>GIMME THE V!

"I'm feeling uncomfortable."

>WHY IS IT SO HARD TO GET SOME SEX!?

"...Well, that's one way to ruin the night..."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

OMAKE!
>32
"29"
~~~

>...

"..."

>...

"..."

>...FUCK THE DAMN ZEBRA ALREADY!

"...considering it..."

>Wait, seriously? Shit, I uh... I don't know what to do now...

"..."

>...Fuck me?

"No."

>SHIT!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
>13
"Chitania"
~~~

>WORD UP! Ya'll fuckers wanna play? Huh? You Chiggers think you're hardcore? You think you real Chiggers!? HUH!? Ya'll don't fuckin' know! You don't even fuckin' know how to play! You roll up into my hood, you fuck with my bitches, you know what you get!? YOU FUCKERS GET STOMPED!? AIN'T THAT RIGHT CHITTY-BITTY!?

"...Is... is this how the kids talk nowadays?"

>THAT'S RIGHT, WE PLAY IN THE HOOD ROUND HERE, AND WE DON'T PLAY NICE!

"I feel old."

>DROP THAT MIC CHITTY BITTY!

"I don't have a mic."

>OHHHHH SHIT! SHE DONE DROPPED IT!

"Help."

>IT'S ON NOW, CHIGGAH!

"I want to go read my books."

>H I V E! REPRESENT!

"...You're grounded."

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OMAKE
>Luna
"Celestia"
~~~

>Ha ha aha haaaa haaaa, my student didn't suck like yours diiiiid.

"You almost killed him, multiple times."

>Heee hooo ho ho hoo!

"Also, you almost destroyed the world... again."

>Ha ha, hee hee, haw haw!

"And finally... didn't you try and teach Applejack as well?"

>...

"..."

>...LET ME HAVE THIS MOM-DAMN-IT!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

OMAKE!
>42
"Twilight"
'???'
~~~

>So, you didn't leave anything important behind when you came over, did you?

"Nahhhh... well, I didn't finish this one thing I was working on with Rarity. A bracelet, I think."

>Oh? What does it do?

"It was supposed to give you the fresh scent of blueberries all the time, but I never got it to work."

SLAM!

'TWILIGHT! IT WORKED!'

"Wait, what?... You mean the bracelet?"

'YES!'

>I don't smell Blueberries.

'No! I TASTE like Blueberries!'

"...Like... your arm or something?"

LICK!

>I don't taste anything.

"..."

>What?

'...Er, n-no... I mean... a certain part of me does.'

>...

"... how did you possibly find that out-"

'NO TIME! I need to find someone who's not underage, NOW!'

>...

"...Er..."

>...Meh, I've got twenty minutes.

'GOOD ENOUGH!'

"Wait wha-OH DEAR CELESTIA!"

>Hrm, surprisingly juicy for a blueberry.

'Right!?'

"AHHHHHHHHH!"

'Wha-AAHHhhhhhh-t's her problem?'

>Nuh ideah

"MY EYYYYYYEEEEEESSS!"

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