D&D campaign 2 session 15

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DM has connected.
Lamp has connected.
Jekko has connected.
Canu has connected.
Lamp:
Shall we start?
DM:
No
DM:
>:|
Lamp:

Canu:
Where's our characterrrrrrrrrs
Canu:
Why'd everything go dark!
DM:
Hush
DM:
Update characters to levelled up state.
DM:
Is there anything you guys wanted to get in Sigil before you head to the prime?
Lamp:
No for me
Canu:
We should get a way to get back to the Planes
Canu:
You know, just an idea
Canu:
In case bad things happen
Lamp:
Bad things happening? Well I never
Lamp:
Also, darth
Darth GW7:
Lamp.
Lamp:
How come you have 66 fucking hp?
Darth GW7:
18 CON
Darth GW7:
How come Grim has 5 fucking hp
Canu:
He's lanky
Darth GW7:
manky more like
Lamp:
So we're at Prime then?
Canu:
Not yet I think
Canu:
No idea
DM:
Have you considered how the non-human party members are going to fit in in the close-minded, all-human Empire?
Canu:
...
Lamp:
Umm
Lamp:
Not well?
Darth GW7:
...
Canu:
Hide Halfred as a child
Canu:
Nirrti as a particularly hair man
Lamp:
Can we stop by sigil then and buy a hat of disguise for Zar?
Darth GW7:
...
Canu:
And Z'ar has psoriasis
Darth GW7:
Wait
Darth GW7:
A hat?!
Darth GW7:
I HAVE A PLAN
Canu:
A HAT!
DM:
Oh god
Darth GW7:
I'M GOING TO GO OUT INTO SIGIL
Darth GW7:
AND GET THE DAPPEREST MOTHERFUCKING HAT THERE IS
Darth GW7:
AND NO ONE WILL EVER DARE QUESTION MY DAPPERNESS
Canu:
Hats of Disguise
Canu:
Get a tower of hats
Darth GW7:
DAPPER.
Darth GW7:
AS.
Darth GW7:
FUCK.
Lamp:
You guys do know Hat of Disguise is a permanent Disguise Person?
Jekko:
no
Canu:
A wee little bit
DM:
If you use this spell to create a disguise, you get a +10 bonus on the Disguise check. A creature that interacts with the glamer gets a Will save to recognize it as an illusion.
DM:
Darth needs to stay away from people.
Lamp:
Oh wait
Canu:
Well
Canu:
He smells like reptile
Lamp:
I remembered wrong
Canu:
So no one will want to be around him
DM:
He can't touch anything either.
Canu:
WIN WIN!
Darth GW7:
If I get a Nat 20 on a disguise roll
Canu:
Oh
Darth GW7:
can I be Sir Lizardton
Lamp:
haha
DM:
...
DM:
Sure.
DM:
This'll make this all the better, then.
Darth GW7:
ALRIGHT
DM:
Do you want to RP buying the hat, or do you want to skip straight ahead to the prime?
Darth GW7:
MOTHERFUCKING DISGUISE ROLL
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20 => 3
DM:
...
Darth GW7:
...
Canu:
Might as well RP it yo
DM:
Yes
Canu:
Unless you guys just wanna head straight to zee Prime
Darth GW7:
Wait are we actually getting a hat?
DM:
Probably for the best right now.
Darth GW7:
I was actually planning to just wing it
Darth GW7:
...
Darth GW7:
Good choice of words.
Lamp:
Heh
DM:
heh. Go ahead, if you want.
Lamp:
Does anyone have 1.8k to spare?
Darth GW7:
...
Lamp:
Because Hat of Disguise costs that much
Canu:
I got 3k
Canu:
Everyone throws in 600 gp?
Jekko:
so how i fit in this and omg'ahr
Canu:
Which part?
Darth GW7:
Alright!
Darth GW7:
A particularly large hat
DM:
You can pass for a short human and a particularly feral one.
Canu:
Gandalf hat?
Darth GW7:
Wait
Lamp:
Top hat!
Darth GW7:
What about steve?
DM:
Darth, hat changes as well when you disguise it.
Lamp:
Get him a hat too!
Canu:
Steve's a horse
Darth GW7:
He'll feel left out if he doesn't get a hat
Canu:
Get him a wig
Darth GW7:
That's georgian
Darth GW7:
not dapper
Jekko:
or we can bluff that he is an ambasidor?
Canu:
Who, Z'ar?
Canu:
Or what
Lamp:
Maybe
DM:
That could be fun
Jekko:
Z'ar
Darth GW7:
Ambassador for what
Jekko:
your people?
Lamp:
Dragons
Lamp:
DUH
Lamp:
Then say if they harm you a bigass red dragon comes and rapes them
Darth GW7:
...
DM:
...well...this is awkward.
Lamp:
Heh
Lamp:
Do we buy the hat or not?
Darth GW7:
not nearly awkward enough
DM:
God no
DM:
Not again
Lamp:
Hey
Lamp:
Are we buying the fucking hat?
DM:
The hat fucks you as well as disguises you now?
Darth GW7:
A fucking hat?
Darth GW7:
I thought it wa-
Darth GW7:
Damn it hjort
Canu:
Don't forget to get the scarf of sexual orientation
Lamp:
Hold on
Lamp:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Utxb-kzvFZU
Lamp:
About the scarf
Canu:
lol
Darth GW7:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVohBBNYOks
Lamp:
ok ok
Lamp:
We buying this hat?
Darth GW7:
Firefox is using 500,000K memory
Darth GW7:
holy SHIT
Lamp:
Your decision Darth
Darth GW7:
550,000K
Darth GW7:
AAAAAH
DM:
...Darth?
Darth GW7:
587,000
Darth GW7:
Oh my gooooooood
Darth GW7:
594,000
Darth GW7:
IT'S GONNA BLOW
Jekko:
darth stop it
Darth GW7:
IT'S STILL GOING UP
Darth GW7:
600,000!
* Darth GW7 computer a splode
Jekko:
are you done?
Darth GW7:
yes
Jekko:
good
DM:
Fantastic.
Lamp:
You buying the Fucking Hat?
Darth GW7:
Brilliant.
Darth GW7:
No.
Lamp:
Okay
Lamp:
We go to Prime
Darth GW7:
Unless it's dapper as fuck.
DM:
Ahah.
DM:
Ahahahah.
DM:
AHAHAHAH
DM:
The prime.
Lamp:
It's The prime?
Darth GW7:
Are there any dapper-as-fuck hats?
DM:
Darth
DM:
You can change the hat as well
Canu:
WRONG PRIME! WRONG PRIME!
DM:
It's appearance, I mean.
DM:
"As part of the disguise, the hat can be changed to appear as a comb, ribbon, headband, cap, coif, hood, helmet, and so on."
Darth GW7:
well
Darth GW7:
anyway
Canu:
We need more Tom Bombadil
Darth GW7:
Also, what's the "Wrong prime"?
Darth GW7:
am I missing something
DM:
Well
DM:
There are an infinite number of Prime Material Planes.
Lamp:
Well, why are they all called Prime then?
Lamp:
Shouldn't there be like Prime, Secondary etc
DM:
Because the clueless are filled with pride.
Darth GW7:
Fuck you you elitist fuck
Lamp:
But whatever
Lamp:
We buying this hat`or not?
Lamp:
I like how this is taking twenty minutes to decide
Darth GW7:
NO.
Darth GW7:
FUCKING
Darth GW7:
NO
Darth GW7:
NO
Darth GW7:
NOOOOOOOOOO
Lamp:
OKAY!
Lamp:
We're at prime then
DM:
No, you're not.
Lamp:
Oh?
Jekko:
sigil
Lamp:
Fine, we go to prime then
Canu:
We step into the portal
Canu:
What happen
DM:
You step through the door, into the ash of Thanatos.
Darth GW7:
...what
Darth GW7:
STEP BACK
Darth GW7:
STEP BACK
Lamp:
That sounds fun!
Darth GW7:
OH GOD STEP BACK
Canu:
Thanatos?
DM:
The door closes behind you.
Lamp:
Planar roll time!/r d20+9
* Lamp rolls: d20+9 => 4 + 9 = 13
DM:
...it was a joke.
Darth GW7:
It closes behind one of us
DM:
Jeez.
Lamp:
I want to know what Thanatos is
Darth GW7:
Who went first?
DM:
Abyssal layer, Orcus'.
Lamp:
Oh
Darth GW7:
brb
Canu:
Oh, oh god
Canu:
Wait what
Canu:
I thought we found the one labeled Thanatos
Canu:
I mean
Canu:
Prime
Canu:
Fuuuuuuuuu
Lamp:
We did but some asswipe decided to be funny
Lamp:
and rremade the sign
Canu:
More like rrerrmade
Canu:
amirite?
Lamp:
Oh god, how would that work?
DM:
...I can think of ways.
Darth GW7:
ANYWAY
DM:
heh
* Elias looks around at the ash, angrily

Elias:
NOT AGAIN!

Elias:
Where the HELL are w

Elias:
we*
Lamp:
...where are we?
DM:
hang on, writing stuff. No maps for cities, as always.
Lamp:
Okay
Canu:
Oh
Canu:
Oh
Canu:
Nvm
Canu:
I didn't notice the whole, "It was a joke" thing
Canu:

Lamp:
Hehe
Lamp:
Either we are bad at sarcasm
Lamp:
Or Hjort is

Halfred:
that was the sam question when i teleported to this world

Halfred:
*same
DM:
Make a spot check.
* Lamp rolls: d20+3 => 10 + 3 = 13
* Canu rolls: 1d20 + 3 => 16 + 3 = 19
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20-1 => 9 - 1 = 8
Darth GW7:
pf
* Jekko rolls: d20+9 => 12 + 9 = 21
Darth GW7:
Whose roll should we go with, you think?
Lamp:
I wonder
Lamp:
Your probs
Lamp:
Yours
Canu:
Jekkos
* Halfred takes out spyglass and looks trough
DM:
You step through the door into the city streets beyond. The streets seem quiet, almost eerily so. There are few people wandering between the delapitated buildings, and most who are out and about are wearing hoods, peering around in fear. A few beggars, dressed in rags wander the streets. Over the roofs of the buildings, you can see a huge tower rising upwards, and, somewhere close by, a large palace of some sort, both on a hill overlooking the rest of the city.
Darth GW7:
you know
DM:
The beggars, you notice, all appear to have something wrong with there eyes.
DM:
their
Darth GW7:
I just realised
Darth GW7:
The problem with the prime?
Darth GW7:
You've no idea what it's going to be like.
Darth GW7:
At least if you're on an aligned plane you have some sort of idea what sort of people and places you'll see

Elias:
Where... Are we?
Jekko:
local?

Ahwassa:
Is this place familiar to anyone?

Z'ar Kor:
Not to me.

Elias:
Are we even on the same continent?
* Jekko rolls: d20+6 => 1 + 6 = 7

Ahwassa:
Same continent as what?
Darth GW7:
ahem
* Elias looks around for possible landmarks
DM:
Er
Darth GW7:
errrr
Lamp:
rrerr?
Darth GW7:
eeree
Darth GW7:
God this is the arc word of the campaign
Lamp:
Yeah

Elias:
Oh! Ohhhh!
Lamp:
Well, not the campaign
Lamp:
Us

Z'ar Kor:
errr

Elias:
I know where we are!

Ahwassa:
Where?
Darth GW7:
I thought that was IC rrerr for a second

Elias:
Bier! Capital of the Empire!

Ahwassa:
Oh

Ahwassa:
....great

Z'ar Kor:
...
* DM rolls: d6 => 5

Elias:
The Collegium Arcana's archmagus tower is right over there!
Darth GW7:
Z'ar is so awesome he can speak ellipses

Elias:
Not sure which one it is from this distance though...

Halfred:
what rong whit the beggars eyes?
* DM rolls: d6 => 1
DM:
Ignore the rolling, continue the talking.

Elias:
Not sure... Never really interacted with the beggars to care

Halfred:
same have usefull infromation mostly no

Halfred:
*but mostly no

Halfred:
the see things that normal people ingnore

Halfred:
*ignore

Ahwassa:
Elias, do you know where I can find anyone from my tribe?

Elias:
Slave market perhaps, other then that you'd have to try your homelands
Darth GW7:
Z'ar speaks quietly

Z'ar Kor:
It may be a little late to ask this, but...

Z'ar Kor:
Er... Am I going to cause much of a reaction here?
Canu:
Where's STEVE
Darth GW7:
beside me
Darth GW7:
ALWAYS
DM:
D'aw.

Ahwassa:
That... is an interesting question

Elias:
We don't see too much of your kind, Z'ar

Elias:
I have a feeling it's not a good idea to be out when the crowds are around, nor guard patrols

Z'ar Kor:
So basically, during the day.

Halfred:
whit luck you can walk freely here or get burned at stake

Elias:
Let's go to the College, I'm sure you'll be rewarded handsomely for returning me

Elias:
Of course... That'll be the end of my time with you people

Ahwassa:
You did leave the academy in friendly terms, yes?

Elias:
Of course, I was sent on a mission to the Borders as part of my training

Ahwassa:
I'd rather not get chased out of yet another town
* Elias responds dryley, "Not sure we'll be able to escape if we get on bad terms anyway."
DM:
Huh
Lamp:
?
Canu:
dryly
Darth GW7:
Huh?
Canu:
huh?
DM:
Grim
DM:
You begin to walk towards the tower in the distance. As you are walking through the filthy, narrow streets, you are assailed by a beggar. "My lords, can you spare a coin for the poor?"

Ahwassa:
But of course!
* Elias nudges him away with his foot
Lamp:
I toss him one gp
Darth GW7:
generous
Lamp:
I got bills to pay
Canu:
pfft, philanthropy
Lamp:
Gotta act my alignment
* Z'ar Kor moves to quietly drop 4gp into the beggar's hand
Darth GW7:
that gives me a nice round number
DM:
"Thank you, kind lady, dear... dear sir. This will help me feed my daughter. The... the plague got us both, badly. Thank you, thank you."
* Z'ar Kor says nothing, but smiles in what he considers a friendly manner although I'm not sure whether his anatomy allows it in this situation?

Halfred:
what plague?

Elias:
Maybe that'll help against the surplus population!
DM whispers: heh

Ahwassa:
Elias, I always knew that you were an asshole but I didn't expect that from even you

Elias:
Of course, bodies have their uses, especially in uniform

Elias:
Ahwassa things are... Things are different in the Empire

Elias:
It's not a cozy comfy village where everyone knows everyone with enough to go around
DM:
"Surely you've heard of the Blinding Plague, sirs?"

Ahwassa:
I haven't

Elias:
I've read of it, yes, but when I was last in the Prime it was barely a rumor

Halfred:
seem like it has spread
DM:
Can you all make Will saves?
GRiM has connected.
* Jekko rolls: d20+3 => 9 + 3 = 12
* Canu rolls: 1d20 + 4 => 10 + 4 = 14
Canu:
Actually it's a +5
Canu:
So 15
DM:
Can, take a -5
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20 => 14
Canu:
Ok, 10
DM:
Everyone else gets +5
Darth GW7:
19
Canu:
...
Canu:
God dammit
DM:
Hmmm?
Canu:
Elias is gonna get blind
DM:
No, that'd be a Fort save, surely.
Canu:
Depends
Canu:
Blindness isn't always physical
Darth GW7:
Very deep.
Darth GW7:
You should send that into the reader's digest.
Canu:
I would get a pulitzer
Canu:
I should make a book on that line

OMG'ahr:
bah it must be nurgles doing
* DM rolls: d100 => 87
* DM rolls: d100 => 7
* DM rolls: d100 => 22
* DM rolls: d100 => 52
DM:
Right.
* Lamp rolls: d20+7 => 6 + 7 = 13

Ahwassa:
Sorry, was in the bathroom
Canu:
THOUGHT POLICE!
Lamp:
OOC
DM:
I... what
DM:
Oh
Darth GW7:
+5, lamp
Darth GW7:
so 18
* Jekko rolls: d20+2 => 4 + 2 = 6
Darth GW7:
1
Darth GW7:
11
Darth GW7:
rather
Jekko:
omg'ahr
DM:
Mhm
Lamp:
...Why are we making will saves?
Darth GW7:
magic
DM:
For reasons.
Canu:
Vampires
Darth GW7:
*snort snort*
Lamp:
haha
Darth GW7:
Clearly it's the thought police
Darth GW7:
trying to hunt us down
Canu:
And then Empire was Oceania

Bodger:
woof
Darth GW7:
think unsexy thoughts think unsexy thoughts
* Xannan Hawkflight facepalms

MUSHROOM:
EAT ME AND YOU'LL DIE!
Darth GW7:
sounds legit
Canu:
It's lying EAT IT
Jekko:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EIyixC9NsLI
DM:
"Th-they have another name for it, up in the Hi- the Noble's Quarter. But it's the same either way, it takes most of a victim's sight. And it... it muddies their mind a bit. Can't see right, can't think straight. And the whites over the eyes. It's hard to keep a job with everyone thinking you're a... you're a freak. It's quite common in the lower classes, and, yet, no-one knows where it's come from, and they say the mages up in their Tower can't find a cure. They're willing to let us all... suffer, it seems."
Lamp:
Hmm
Lamp:
It might be just me
Lamp:
But this might be a plot hook

Xannan Hawkflight:
bastard mages
Canu:
Plot hook? Nahhhhh
Darth GW7:
Don't say that in front of hjort

Xannan Hawkflight:
probably hiding the cure
Darth GW7:
it'll hurt his feelings
DM:
"They're too paranoid about the rebels and the war."
DM:
It isn't, actually.

OMG'ahr:
bah it must be nurgles doing
Darth GW7:
...nurgles?
DM:
Warhammer.

Elias:
... It's not our responsibility to save the masses from a disease only the weak will get anyway
Darth GW7:
AAAAH OH GOD
Darth GW7:
I JUST SEARCHED NURGLES ON GOOGLE
DM:
:D

Ahwassa:
Elias, seriously?
DM:
"O-our? Oh, I'm... I'm sorry my lord. I didn't... didn't mean to... to bother you. So sorry. If... if I could ask, were you a member of the guild?"

Ahwassa:
Don't mind him

Elias:
If by Guild you mean College, then yes
* Elias looks at Ahwassa, then Z'ar and the rest of the party

Halfred:
witsh guild?

Elias:
I'll.... Look into helping you, for the party's sake
DM:
"I... yes... I'm sorry... Thank you, m'lord. I'll, I'll just leave."
DM:
He begins to rush off in a hurry. He's obviously eager to get away

Z'ar Kor:
You seem less than enthusiastic about this.

Xannan Hawkflight:
for our sake? how?
* Elias claps his hands together, "Now, where were we?"

Ahwassa:
As nice as you were to offer our help, how could we help to cure this disease?

Halfred:
i did't sign to be a doctor

Elias:
Well Xannan, it was obvious everyone was perceiving me to be an ass for refusing help

Elias:
I mean come on! He's just a COMMONER

Elias:
But still, still... I'll help IT.

Ahwassa:
We were perceiving you as an ass because of the things you said, not because you didn't volunteer to cure this disease

OMG'ahr:
i'll say just burn all the one who has nurgles touch

Z'ar Kor:
You would have been a commoner too, had you had a little less luck.

OMG'ahr:
*ones
DM:
Do you continue on your way to the tower?
Lamp:
Sure

Elias:
And here I am, Z'ar, no use dwelling on what could have been
GRiM:
yeah
DM:
Can I get a marching order?
Lamp:
Wait, why are we following Elias?
Lamp:
He said he was leaving the party
DM:
He agreed to help with the plague, at least.
Lamp:
True
Lamp:
But we didn't
GRiM:
orderyfied

Z'ar Kor:
It's well worth dwelling on what could have been, if the alternative is holding people in contempt for circumstances outside their control.

Elias:
We have to show them their place, Z'ar. Can't have them getting ideas that they're EQUAL, that's just silly

Ahwassa:
I'm not even sure if you're serious now
Darth GW7:
Oh come on you're just TRYING to be lawful evil now

Elias:
They're smelly, short-lived and ignorant masses, why should they have any equal say compared to an intelligent noble?
Canu:
Haha, yeah
Lamp:
I thought you wanted to lean towards lawful good
Canu:
Gotta be faced with forces pushing me that way Lamp
Canu:
Catalysts are here, jsut gotta give the nudge
Jekko:
blood mages have to be evil?
Lamp:
No
Lamp:
Blood Mages can be anything they want
Canu:
Except LG
Lamp:
Really?
Canu:
Yeah
Lamp:
oh

Z'ar Kor:
Is it just me or is the world collapsing around us?
Canu:
Oh god it is

Z'ar Kor:
OH GOD THE WALLS ARE CLOSING IN

Z'ar Kor:
CAN'T... BREATHE...
* Halfred slaps Z'ar on a cheek "get a hold of your self"
Darth GW7:
Hi, I'm from China.
Darth GW7:
What's a "Self"

Xannan Hawkflight:
Keep up Bodger!
* Elias moves in to slap Z'ar and tell him to get a hold of yourself

Bodger:
ark

Ahwassa:
Xannan, I've been meaning to ask this

Ahwassa:
Where the hell did the badger come from?
Canu:
Gave birth to it
Canu:
It was beautiful
DM:
When a mummy and a daddy badger love each other very much...

Xannan Hawkflight:
I dunno, just started following me when i gave it some of my rations the other day
Lamp:
Are there badgers on the plane we were in?
Darth GW7:
you guys just reminded me of Whose line is it anyway
Darth GW7:
"THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE - GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF MAN!"
Canu:
I'm tired of these motherfuckin' badgers on this motherfuckin' Plane
Lamp:
...I deserve that
Jekko:
so where are we?
Lamp:
Oh god
Lamp:
Thugs
DM:
As you walk through the alleys of the city, you hear voices nearby. "Hey, there's one of those mages!" "Kill them!" "Traitors!"
Jekko:
oh
Lamp:
Mugging The Monster
Lamp:
Trope
DM:
Ahaha
Lamp:
....I hope
DM:
Ahahahaha
Jekko:
intimidate
DM:
Go ahead.
Lamp:
Roll init?
* Canu rolls: 1d20 + 9 => 3 + 9 = 12
Canu:

GRiM:
can i roll intimidate?
DM:
If you want.
Canu:
Just as a head's up Z'ar
* GRiM rolls: d20 +2 => 3 + 2 = 5
Canu:
Well, Dart
Canu:
Darth*
Canu:
They've never seen a dragonborn before
Lamp:
Ooh

OMG'ahr:
are sure it's a good idea my axe thirsty for blood
Darth GW7:
I'm going to be diplomatic and yet intimidating
Darth GW7:
what do I roll
DM:
Both
* Jekko rolls: d20+8 => 17 + 8 = 25
GRiM:
both
DM:
Then I go to your house
DM:
And beat you to death with a Player's Handbook.
Darth GW7:
Okay
* DM rolls: d20 + 3 => 7 + 3 = 10
Lamp:
Darth, you lived in scotland, right?
Darth GW7:
No
DM:
No, that's me
Darth GW7:
Why would I do that
Lamp:
....good question
Lamp:
Hjort, why do you live in Scotland?
Darth GW7:
....good question
DM:
....good question
Canu:
Hey, hey
Canu:
I cast Web
DM:
What
Lamp:
How do I shot web
Jekko:
i got 25 in intidate
DM:
They begin to look worried. They've obviously overestimated themselves.
Jekko:
*intimidate
Canu:
Daww, they're desperate beggers just wanting to lash out at their overlords
* DM rolls: d20 + 19 => 1 + 19 = 20
DM:
Ahaha
DM:
Oh my
DM:
They begin to flee.

Ahwassa:
I always imagined that the empire would be a pretty shitty place, but I didn't expect it would be this bad

Xannan Hawkflight:
I've got a badger here... an I don't feed it too good!

Elias:
Every great nation has it's slums
Lamp:
Wait, they're running away?
* Elias as they flee, Elias casts Web at the ones in front of him

Ahwassa:
Even your street thugs are cowards
DM:
A voice rings out from the shadows of the alley. "Fight, you fools. They are nothing."
* Lamp rolls: d20+3 => 8 + 3 = 11
Lamp:
spot
Canu:
Oh, Init
Canu:
Lemme roll
Canu:
Or did I cast Web
DM:
Init for that

OMG'ahr:
are sure?
* Canu rolls: 1d20 + 2 => 16 + 2 = 18
* Lamp rolls: d20-2 => 1 - 2 = -1
Darth GW7:
...
Lamp:
rofl
Canu:
...
Darth GW7:
WOW
* GRiM rolls: d20 + 4 => 2 + 4 = 6
Darth GW7:
IS THAT OUR FIRST NEGATIVE RESULT?!
GRiM:
O_O
Lamp:
I THINK IM GOING LAST!

OMG'ahr:
run or i will change my mind
Lamp:
No
Lamp:
Second
Lamp:
The last one was my init also
* Z'ar Kor roars as loud as he can before any more craziness can occur

Z'ar Kor:
STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPP!
Darth GW7:
the ground shakes
Darth GW7:
oh shit
Darth GW7:
what have you DONE
Canu:
Do you reveal your TRUE FORM?
Darth GW7:
What's this? Darth is evolving!
GRiM:
super saiyin Z'ar?
Darth GW7:
DUDUDUDU
Darth GW7:
DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUUN
Darth GW7:
DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUN
Lamp:
By the way
Darth GW7:
DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUUN
Lamp:
Why is our tank last in this line?
Darth GW7:
DOO DOO DOOOOO DEDEDEDUDUDEEDAAAAAH
Lamp:
rofl
Darth GW7:
oh god
Darth GW7:
grim
Darth GW7:
my sides
Canu:
Hahahahaha
GRiM:
DAH DAH DAH,. DADADADADADADAHHHHHH
Darth GW7:
Darth learned Wrap!
Darth GW7:
you've seen enough hentai to know where this is going
GRiM:
Darth already has 4 moves
GRiM:
he has to forget 1
Lamp:
Ohshit
GRiM:
which will it be?
Lamp:
I have shit dex
Lamp:
Cannot escape
Canu:
And you're the only girl
Lamp:
Yeah
GRiM:
DO NOTHING - ROAR
Darth GW7:
Darth forgot "Where do babby form?"!
Darth GW7:
and....
GRiM:
BITE - DODGE
Darth GW7:
Darth learned "Roar"!
Lamp:
This....
GRiM:
ROAR>
GRiM:
?
Canu:
Darth forgot, "Scary face"
GRiM:
#OK
Darth GW7:
C8
GRiM:
DARTH FORGOT ROAR
Canu:
Alright alright order order
GRiM:
DARTH LEARNED WRAP
Canu:
So what is the init order
Darth GW7:
STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!
Lamp:
Hjort, we need you to put an end to this madness
DM:
Who has yet to roll init?
Darth GW7:
Me
Darth GW7:
But I'm not planning to fight
GRiM:
bodger

OMG'ahr:
you still want to face me my god will be pleesed for thease oferings
* Jekko rolls: d20+8 => 6 + 8 = 14
DM:
Bodger acts on your turn, Grim.
GRiM:
ok
Darth GW7:
By the way
Darth GW7:
My roar would be intimidate, yes?
DM:
Yes
* Jekko rolls: d20+2 => 9 + 2 = 11
Darth GW7:
I want the rest of the party to roll to counter it.
Darth GW7:
Because this is aimed at them too
Jekko:
omg
* Jekko rolls: d20+3 => 1 + 3 = 4
Darth GW7:
everyone
Jekko:
me
Lamp:
What do we counter it with?
Lamp:
Will?
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20+3 => 5 + 3 = 8
Darth GW7:
well
Darth GW7:
hsit
Darth GW7:
I must have had a sore throat
Canu:
What were you doing with your throat to make it sore?
Canu:
*pomf*
DM:
:D
Lamp:
*Badum-tshh*
DM:
"Do you not see, my minions? Weak, and foolish. Destroy them."
* Lamp rolls: d20+3 => 19 + 3 = 22
Lamp:
Listen
DM:
For...?
Lamp:
The one ordering
Lamp:
And where he might be
Canu:
Or IT!
Canu:
And then the guy was a Warforged
Lamp:
DUN DUN DUNNN
Lamp:
Full of bees
Canu:
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES
Canu:
Anyway who got init
Jekko:
so what's the order?
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20+1 => 3 + 1 = 4
Darth GW7:
I'm slow
DM:
Indeed
Lamp:
Dude
Lamp:
I got -1
Darth GW7:
...true
Lamp:
AND YOU DON'T HEAR ME COMPLAIN
Lamp:
Who is first
Darth GW7:
Er
Lamp:
Ooh, leader dude
Darth GW7:
This may sound a stupid question at this point
DM:
Hang on a sec
Lamp:
And he has a BOOK
Darth GW7:
But how is weapon damage calculated
DM:
What
Lamp:
He might TEACH US THINGS
Lamp:
What
Canu:
Woah! It's a MAGE!
Darth GW7:
1d8+what mods
Lamp:
str
Lamp:
1.5 times str if 2h
DM:
+ STR + Feats + Misc
Lamp:
Oh yeah and feats and stuff
* DM rolls: d20 + 8 => 19 + 8 = 27
Lamp:
I wonder who goes first
* DM rolls: d20 + 1 => 19 + 1 = 20
Canu:
I like where this is going
Darth GW7:
well shit guys
* DM rolls: d20 + 1 => 13 + 1 = 14
GRiM:
i'm glad we rolled HP
GRiM:
cos we gonna need it
Lamp:
What?
Canu:
Linin' up shots
Canu:
Oh, oh god
* DM rolls: d20 + 12 => 5 + 12 = 17
DM:
vs Elias' AC
Canu:
12
Lamp:
I think it hit
DM:
Make a Fort save.
Darth GW7:
Who's attacking?
* Canu rolls: 1d20 + 2 => 2 + 2 = 4
Canu:
...
Darth GW7:
...
* DM rolls: d20 + 7 => 19 + 7 = 26
DM:
vs Grim's AC
Canu:
What
Lamp:
I think it hit
Canu:
Holly spit
DM:
Grim, make a Fort save.
GRiM:
you hit me?
Canu:
These ain't your ordinary beggars
DM:
Yes
* GRiM rolls: d20 +4 => 18 + 4 = 22
Darth GW7:
Guessing this is the leader
DM:
Nice
DM:
Canu, take « 2d4 + 1 = 6 + 1 = 7 » damage, Grim take « 2d4 + 1 = 3 + 1 = 4 » damage.
Lamp:
Was that a chained something?
GRiM:
4 damage
GRiM:
ok#
DM:
No
DM:
There is a flash of light, and you both feel something strike you.
Lamp:
Do a spellcraft
* GRiM rolls: 2d4 + 1 = 3 + 1 = 4 => 5 + 1 = 6
GRiM:
6
GRiM:
?@
* Canu rolls: 1d20 + 13 => 15 + 13 = 28
DM:
What
Canu:
Spellcraft
GRiM:
i rolled the damage
Canu:
Hhahahahahha
Canu:
Magic missile
GRiM:
you said 4 wasnt right
Lamp:
That was a pretty high level magic missul
GRiM:
so i rolled it. :P according to your instruction
DM:
No, the "No" was to Lamp.
GRiM:
oh
Canu:
oh, real missiles
DM:
Canu, your eyes begin to water.
Canu:
OH GOD
GRiM:
30hp left
Canu:
It begins
Lamp:
It's the plague?
Lamp:
Good thing Elias went first
DM:
This order - Jekko, Lamp, Grim, Elias.
* DM rolls: d20 + 3 => 2 + 3 = 5
* DM rolls: d20 + 3 => 1 + 3 = 4
* DM rolls: d20 + 3 => 12 + 3 = 15
* DM rolls: d20 + 3 => 7 + 3 = 10
Lamp:
haha
DM:
Yay
Lamp:
none hit
DM:
Canu's turn.
Darth GW7:
Can I make another attempt to intimidate/diplomacy?
Canu:
I...
Canu:
I...
DM:
Sure
DM:
On your turn
Canu:
I cast scorching ray
Darth GW7:
dicks
Canu:
ON THE THUG 1
DM:
Really, Canu?
DM:
...alright
DM:
AoOs, first
* DM rolls: d20 + 3 => 1 + 3 = 4
* DM rolls: d20 + 3 => 5 + 3 = 8
Darth GW7:
...
Lamp:
haha
* DM rolls: d20 + 12 => 17 + 12 = 29
Darth GW7:
..................
Darth GW7:
Wait, why 3 AoOs?
Lamp:
Yeah
DM:
10 foot range
Darth GW7:
oh god what
Lamp:
Leader has spiked chain?
DM:
You wish
Canu:
So I guess I fail in it
GRiM:
spiked rape stick
* DM rolls: 2d4 + 1 damage. => 5 + 1 = 6
Jekko:
a wand?
DM:
Do you get a Concentration check?
Canu:
yes
Darth GW7:
Chain whip?
* Canu rolls: 1d20 + 8 => 4 + 8 = 12
Canu:
NOPE
Canu:
Looks like Elias gonna die
Lamp:
Well, that's touch ac so it might hit
DM:
You can't tell what he's doing to hit you, there is just a flash of light and then damage.
Canu:
Gun
DM:
heh
DM:
That wouldn't be 10 foot reach
Canu:
It's a crappy gun
GRiM:
blunderbus
Jekko:
it's wand
Lamp:
Gep gun?
GRiM:
lol
Canu:
So I fail concentration
Canu:
Next person's turn
Jekko:
so whos next
Jekko:
?
Canu:
Rebel scum
DM:
Darth, Nirrti, Nirrti, Lamp.
* DM rolls: d20 + 4 => 6 + 4 = 10
* DM rolls: d20 + 4 => 9 + 4 = 13
* DM rolls: d20 + 4 => 2 + 4 = 6
* DM rolls: d20 + 4 => 7 + 4 = 11
DM:
All miss?
Jekko:
hmm
Lamp:
Nice rolls
Darth GW7:
yes
Darth GW7:
miss
DM:
Good.
DM:
Jekko's turn
Lamp:
Jekko, elay
Lamp:
deay
Lamp:
delay
Lamp:
Get Nirrti to flank
Lamp:
Then fuck shit up
Jekko:
naa
* Jekko rolls: d20+8 => 19 + 8 = 27
DM:
Hit
Jekko:
crit
DM:
Yup
Lamp:
confirm
* Jekko rolls: d20+10 => 14 + 10 = 24
DM:
Crit
* Jekko rolls: 2d3 => 3
DM:
Right
Lamp:
Gee, that was so much more useful than the 2d6 sneak attack damage you would have gotten
DM:
Grim's turn.
Jekko:
3d6
GRiM:
ok
Lamp:
Oh right
GRiM:
if i shoot from here i get hit from melee right?
GRiM:
so i should back up
Lamp:
You can do a 5 foot step
GRiM:
that fine?
DM:
Yup
GRiM:
can I rapid shot thug 1?
DM:
Yup
Darth GW7:
why are you attacking the thugs
Darth GW7:
why
GRiM:
well i might hit ahwassa if i go for leader
DM:
-2 to both attack rolls
* GRiM rolls: d20 + 8 => 20 + 8 = 28
DM:
Nice
* GRiM rolls: d20 +8 => 15 + 8 = 23
GRiM:
fuck yea
DM:
Confirm the crit
Lamp:
Yeah
GRiM:
+8 again?
DM:
Yup
Lamp:
yes
* GRiM rolls: d20 + 8 => 17 + 8 = 25
DM:
Well
DM:
Everything hits
GRiM:
woop
GRiM:
how many damage rolls?
Jekko:
4d8
Lamp:
3d8
* GRiM rolls: 3 d8 => 3
DM:
Er
GRiM:
woops
Canu:
....
DM:
Not doing it right
Lamp:
Yeah
GRiM:
that borked
DM:
Has to be one thing
Lamp:
Remember point blank bonus
Lamp:
+2
Darth GW7:
I gtg for dinner guys
* GRiM rolls: d8+2 => 8 + 2 = 10
Lamp:
Leave the computah on
Darth GW7:
When my turn comes I do an intimidate check
DM:
If the server crashes, I'll kill you.
Darth GW7:
or diplomacy
* GRiM rolls: d8+2 => 3 + 2 = 5
Darth GW7:
whatever
* GRiM rolls: d8+2 => 7 + 2 = 9
Darth GW7:
To try and stop combat
DM:
24?
Darth GW7:
you can decide if you like
Lamp:
wait, it was +2 total
DM:
Right
DM:
20
DM:
The arrow flies into the thug's neck. He falls to the ground, screaming in agony, blood pumping out through the wound.
GRiM:
^_^
DM:
Anything else?
GRiM:
free action
DM:
Oh, Badger
GRiM:
I yell
DM:
Okay

Xannan Hawkflight:
WOO! I HIT SOMETHING
DM:
heh
GRiM:
now badger
Darth GW7:
Z'ar looks in despair as his party members kill some poor ignorant thugs
GRiM:
do i control who badger attacks?
DM:
Yes
GRiM:
thug 7 then
Canu:
Aww

Z'ar Kor:
Stop! This fight is unnecessary! Stop fighting!
Canu:
The guy died screaming
Darth GW7:
Z'ar considers the idea that he is the only sane person in an insane party
GRiM:
what's the attack roll for the badger?
Lamp:
I'm sane
Canu:
+12
DM:
Standard Badger?
GRiM:
yeah
DM:
+4
Lamp:
It's a bodger!
DM:
1 attack after moving
* GRiM rolls: d20+4 => 16 + 4 = 20
Lamp:
It did 5 foot step
Lamp:
so full
GRiM:
yeah
Canu:
Steve should attack
GRiM:
it's only moved 5ft in the same direction really
GRiM:
so does that mean more than 1 attack?
DM:
Another +4
DM:
And a -1
* GRiM rolls: d20+4 => 2 + 4 = 6
* GRiM rolls: d20-1 => 3 - 1 = 2
DM:
Wait till you see the damage.
GRiM:
dayum
DM:
1d2 - 1
Lamp:
haha
Darth GW7:
brb dinner
GRiM:

* GRiM rolls: 1d2-1 => 2 - 1 = 1
Lamp:
Isn't the minimum damage one?
DM:
yes
DM:
The thug looks mildly annoyed by this.
GRiM:
haha

Thug 7:
au the damn thing bit me
Lamp:
Who next?
DM:
Nirrti
Lamp:
Nirrti, fuck shit up
Jekko:
power attack?
Lamp:
Yes
Jekko:
ok
Jekko:
takin 3 of so 6 damge
Canu:
yup
* Jekko rolls: d20+9 => 7 + 9 = 16
Lamp:
He cast fist?
DM:
Hit
GRiM:
PUNCH THEM FOR GLORY
Lamp:
And the attack bonus is much higher
Lamp:
wait, power attack, I am dumb
DM:
Yeah
* Jekko rolls: 12d3 +7+6 => 24 + 7 + 6 = 37
Canu:
...
DM:
Wait
DM:
12d3?
DM:
Huh
Jekko:
lol
Lamp:
hahahhaha
* Jekko rolls: 1d12 +7+6 => 12 + 7 + 6 = 25
Jekko:
sorry
Canu:
Cleave?
DM:
...yes.
* Jekko rolls: d20+9 => 12 + 9 = 21
DM:
Hit
* Jekko rolls: 1d12 +7+6 => 3 + 7 + 6 = 16
DM:
They both explode into grisly chunks of flesh. Nirrti is now drenched in blood.
Canu:
Also, these are humanoids right
DM:
Yes
DM:
Well
Canu:
That means they are dying at negative hit points
Canu:
Not auto-dead
Lamp:
Coup de Grace

OMG'ahr:
blood for the blood god!!
DM:
Mostly, for NPCs and enemies
DM:
Treat them as if dying unless the players indicate otherwise.
DM:
However, those two are quite dead.
Canu:
Alright
Lamp:
Darth then me?
DM:
You wanting to keep one alive for questioning?
DM:
Yes
GRiM:
lol
Canu:
The one with the arror
Canu:
Arrow*
Canu:
He's bleeding out
Lamp:
Darth goes intimidate
DM:
No, he died.
DM:
20 damage?

OMG'ahr:
run if you value your lives
GRiM:
jugular = dead
Jekko:
intimidate
DM:
Go ahead.
GRiM:
Xannan's arrows + proper dice rolls = dead ^_^
* Jekko rolls: d20+8 => 7 + 8 = 15
Lamp:
Darth's mod is +3
Canu:
GRiM, get fire arrows
Canu:
Mine is +8
* DM rolls: d20 + 12 => 11 + 12 = 23
GRiM:
i need to buy some actually
DM:
What do you say?
GRiM:
i have 6 arrows left
Lamp:
Yeah
Jekko:
i said it
DM:
Oh
DM:
Alright
Lamp:
...but intimidate in combat is a standard action?
Jekko:
it wasent even full attack
Lamp:
Aanyways, what did Darth want us to do?
GRiM:
hey wanted to be a pussy and stop the killing
GRiM:
i say stab on brothers
Canu:
pfft
Canu:
They're a bunch of miserable rebels
Canu:
Foah the Empruh
Jekko:
wall of text
DM:
Darth wanted an intimidate, then... I dunno.
Lamp:
So, do we spend his turn babbling about stuff or doing something actually useful?
DM:
The former.
Lamp:
Fine, we do that
* Lamp rolls: d20+3 => 9 + 3 = 12
Lamp:
His intimidate roll
DM:
Do I even need to roll? The Leader gets a +12 mod.
Lamp:
No
Lamp:
Do we need to rp this?
DM:
Nah, he isn't here.
DM:
Your turn.
Lamp:
I cast
Lamp:
HOLD PERSON ON LEADER!
GRiM:
Nice
Canu:
You know what'll stop the +12 GRiM?
Canu:
An arrow through the windpipe
GRiM:
haha
Lamp:
15 save dc
DM:
What save?
GRiM:
well conveniently the path to him is a pile of corpses now
Lamp:
Will
Lamp:
I think
DM:
Make a caster level check
* Lamp rolls: d20+4 => 3 + 4 = 7
Lamp:
Not good
DM:
Either way, I want to see how it rolls out.
* DM rolls: d20 + 14 => 8 + 14 = 22
DM:
Nope.
Lamp:
...
DM:
Anything else?
Lamp:
Fuck it, DMM Enlarge person on Nirrti
DM:
k
Canu:
HE GOT THE POWER
Lamp:
Then 5 foot step
Canu:
God dammit Lamp why'd you move there
GRiM:
yeah
Canu:
I need to get away from the attacker for spells
GRiM:
goddamnit
Lamp:
There I mena
Lamp:
It was a.... misclick
Lamp:
But that dude has 10 reach
Lamp:
So you should go where I am now
Canu:
Move when you can
Jekko:
i get +2 str
Jekko:
crash?
DM:
No
DM:
Casting a spell on OMG'ahr
Lamp:
Nirrti get s+2 str -2 dex +1 attack -1 ac and 3d6 damage
Darth GW7:
back
Darth GW7:
are you done murdering these poor people
DM:
Not yet
GRiM:
quite hippie
GRiM:
*queit
GRiM:
*quiet
Darth GW7:
keep trying
DM:
Make a Fort save for Nirrti.
GRiM:
I'M TIRED
* Lamp rolls: d20+6 => 4 + 6 = 10
DM:
I meant Jekko.
Lamp:
oh
Lamp:
right
* Jekko rolls: d20+6 => 11 + 6 = 17
Lamp:
Muc better
Lamp:
Much
DM:
Nope, doesn't save.
DM:
Nirrti is now panicked and sickened.
GRiM:
lo
GRiM:
lol
Lamp:
haha
GRiM:
still in range for me
GRiM:

Darth GW7:
Sounds like me
Darth GW7:
:C
* DM rolls: d4 => 1
DM:
1 round of panic
DM whispers: Aaaw
DM:
vs Elias
* DM rolls: d20 + 3 => 13 + 3 = 16
DM:
« d6 + 3 = 5 + 3 = 8 » damage.
Canu:
I panic?
DM:
Canu;s turn
Canu:
And take damage?
DM:
No
DM:
Nirrti panics
Canu:
Any damage?
Canu:
The 8 damage
DM:
That was you
Canu:
Scorching Ray
Canu:
Leader
Canu:
Wait no
Canu:
no
Darth GW7:
Where did the leader go
Canu:
no
Canu:
That's silly
Darth GW7:
oh
Canu:
I'm doing Web
Darth GW7:
He's... running?
Canu:
Web on leader
Darth GW7:
Does this mean we can stop the senseless bloodshed?
DM:
Wait
* DM rolls: d20 + 3 => 4 + 3 = 7
DM:
Continue
Canu:
Done
Canu:
Reflex negates
Canu:
But it's auto
Darth GW7:
STOP THE SENSELESS BLOODSHED
Lamp:
No >
DM:
What's the DC?
Darth GW7:

Canu:
Just says if they save the reflex DC
DM:
10 + Spell level + Cha mod.
Lamp:
15 according to his sheet
Canu:
Ah, 15 then
DM:
Mhm
* DM rolls: d20 + 13 => 6 + 13 = 19
DM:
Yup.
Canu:
Dayummmm
DM:
Anything else?
Darth GW7:
wait
Darth GW7:
this guy has +13 reflex?!
DM:
Yup
Darth GW7:
jesus shit
Darth GW7:
what level is he
DM:
That would be telling
DM:
Done, Canu?
Lamp:
And why is he running away then?
DM:
Reasons.
Lamp:
I shall chase him!
Lamp:
Once it is my turn
Jekko:
to tell his leaders abought us
Canu:
Lamp
Canu:
Err
Canu:
There are webs
Lamp:
Can I do a five feet step and charge?
DM:
Elias' eyes begin to burn.
Lamp:
...oh shit
Lamp:
My reflex is -1

Elias:
Ah shit! It burns!
DM:
vs Nirrti, Nirrti, Lamp, Grim.
* DM rolls: d20 + 4 => 11 + 4 = 15
* DM rolls: d20 + 4 => 17 + 4 = 21
* DM rolls: d20 - 1 => 14 - 1 = 13
* DM rolls: d20 + 4 => 16 + 4 = 20
DM:
Nirrti takes a penalty for size, yes?
Lamp:
-1
DM:
Ah
Lamp:
and another one for dex minus
DM:
Still, 1 hit on each of you.
* DM rolls: d8 => 7
DM:
that was OMG'ahr
* DM rolls: d3 + 1 => 3 + 1 = 4
DM:
Ahwassa
* DM rolls: d8 => 4
DM:
Xannan
DM:
Jekko's turn
Jekko:
how to get behind?
Lamp:
By delaying
Jekko:
or can i tumble past him and then go behind?
Darth GW7:
Who?
Lamp:
Flanking needs someone to flank
Lamp:
Game mechanics don't recognise the way they are facing
Jekko:
ill take my cross bow and shoot the leader
DM:
k
* Jekko rolls: d20+7 => 1 + 7 = 8
Darth GW7:
...
Jekko:
well
Darth GW7:
all I can say is this
Darth GW7:
I'm glad I'm behind him
Darth GW7:
wait-
Lamp:
haha
Darth GW7:
let me rephrase that
Lamp:
Don't
Darth GW7:
damnit
DM:
Another attack roll.
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20+11 => 17 + 11 = 28
Darth GW7:
Oh, sorry
Darth GW7:
Thought you were referring to something else
DM:
heh
* Jekko rolls: d20+7 => 1 + 7 = 8
Darth GW7:
.........
DM:
...
Lamp:
hahahahha
DM:
Jekko, roll damage.
* Jekko rolls: 1d6 => 5
DM:
Because you just shot yourself in the foot.
DM:
Right, take 5 damage. Anything else?
Jekko:
reload
Darth GW7:
don't forget to reload!
Lamp:
Mister Freeman!
Canu:
Hit in foot, reload
Canu:
Use the bolt in your foot
DM:
Grim's turn after you're done.

Halfred:
Au miss fire
Darth GW7:
Guys
Darth GW7:
if we kill the leader
Darth GW7:
you'd better fucking stop fighting
GRiM:
ready for me?
Lamp:
Shoot the leader
Lamp:
Kill Elias by accident
DM:
Go ahead.
GRiM:
can i step this way and not shoot elias in the face?
Darth GW7:
Shoot at me for not participating
Darth GW7:
hit leader, kill him
GRiM:
too far to rapid shot
GRiM:
1 shot
DM:
You'll hit him if you roll badly.
GRiM:
1 kill
Canu:
DO IT
* GRiM rolls: d20 +10 => 16 + 10 = 26
Darth GW7:
...
Canu:
Yesssssssss
GRiM:
phew
Darth GW7:
That's... good.
Canu:
Poison arrow?
GRiM:
no
Canu:
Ghoul blood?
GRiM:
they ran out
Lamp:
Did the arrow have explosive rune on it?
DM:
It wouldn't matter anyway.
DM:
Roll damage.
* GRiM rolls: d8+2 => 5 + 2 = 7
DM:
Alright
DM:
Anything else?
GRiM:
badger?
DM:
Sure, sure.
GRiM:
stays where he is
GRiM:
attacks
DM:
The leader, btw, isn't showing an inch of flesh. he's completely cloaked in long strips of grey cloth.
DM:
Two +4 attacks, and a -1 one
Lamp:
Now you tell us?
DM:
Yeah, sorry.
GRiM:
badgers roll again?
DM:
Mhm
GRiM:
what is it?
Darth GW7:
leader is such a prude
Darth GW7:
not showing a bit of flesh
DM:
+4, +4, -1
DM:
Heh
* GRiM rolls: d20 +4 => 15 + 4 = 19
* GRiM rolls: d20 +4 => 13 + 4 = 17
* GRiM rolls: d20 -1 => 7 - 1 = 6
Canu:
The leader is actually.... A DRAGON!
DM:
Hit, hit, miss.
Darth GW7:
rrerr
DM:
2d2 - 2 damage.
* GRiM rolls: 2d2-2 => 3 - 2 = 1
Darth GW7:
..

Thug 7:
Urgh, it's starting to get annoying now.
Canu:
Is the leader leaving a blood trail?
DM:
No.
Lamp:
Since the damage is 1d2-1
Darth GW7:
So...
Darth GW7:
yeah
Lamp:
Wouldn't it be automatic one?
DM:
True

Xannan Hawkflight:
Atta boy! nibble like you mean it!
DM:
Technically automatic 2 in this case
Darth GW7:
yeah
Jekko is disconnected.
GRiM is disconnected.
Canu is disconnected.
DM is disconnected.
Lamp is disconnected.
DM has connected.
Jekko has connected.
Lamp has connected.
GRiM has connected.

Thug 7:
I blacked out for a second there, and the next thing I know, I'm being mauled by a badger.
DM:
Nirrti's turn
Darth GW7:
Mauled?

Ahwassa:
That's life for you
DM:
Tickled
Darth GW7:
Wow what a drama queen
Canu has connected.

Ahwassa:
Once moment you're enjoying a nice tea, another a fucking badger is on your face

Ahwassa:
One*
Canu:
Hahaha
DM:
What a sentence to enter to.
* Elias tries to laugh, but is too busy holding his watering eyes
Lamp:
Hehe
DM:
Watering?
Canu:
Because they're on fire
Canu:
Tears
DM:
Continue, Jekko.
Canu:
TEARS!
Lamp:
Fuck shit up
Lamp:
Wait, nvm
Lamp:
Nirrti is feared, wasn't he?
Jekko:
i can hit both of them
DM:
He can't move closer
GRiM:
nirrti is panicked
GRiM:
i thought
Jekko:
but can i hit those two?
DM:
A panicked creature must drop anything it holds and flee at top speed from the source of its fear, as well as any other dangers it encounters, along a random path. It can’t take any other actions. In addition, the creature takes a –2 penalty on all saving throws, skill checks, and ability checks. If cornered, a panicked creature cowers and does not attack, typically using the total defense action in combat. A panicked creature can use special abilities, including spells, to flee; indeed, the creature must use such means if they are the only way to escape.
DM:
Huh.
Darth GW7:
...
Jekko:
so i run
Lamp:
Yes
DM:
Yes.
Darth GW7:
Yes

OMG'ahr:
you guys go this way i go home
Lamp:
heh, silly references
Jekko:
done
Lamp:
He ran into a wall
Lamp:
Literally
DM:
Darth's turn
Darth GW7:
...
Jekko:
just kill
Darth GW7:
fuck you
Darth GW7:
no
Lamp:
Try to reason!
GRiM:
lol
GRiM:
flame breath
GRiM:
BURNINITATE
DM:
Save DC?
Jekko:
brb
Lamp:
Wall of text inc
DM:
What
Lamp:
From Zar
DM:
Oh
Darth GW7:
Don't worry hjort, not stealing your fire

Z'ar Kor:
Please, for the last time, stop this! We don't want any more bloodshed - End this before you're all killed!
DM:
He says, setting them on fire.
Darth GW7:
what
Darth GW7:
when did I say this
DM:
Aw
DM:
Dip. check.
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20 => 17
Darth GW7:
not bad
Darth GW7:
Should get a bonus since they're, well, dying
Darth GW7:
and their leader running
Lamp:
d20 rolls without mods look so empty
Darth GW7:
10 CHA
DM:
To be fair, the leader is still talking to them.
Lamp:
While running away
Lamp:
Gee, that's inspirational
DM:
The wonders of telepathy.
Darth GW7:
"I'LL BE RIGHT BACK! JUST, KEEP FIGHTING!"
Lamp:
!!!!
Lamp:
Telepathy!
Lamp:
I shall roll planar on all kinds of creatures that have telepathy
DM:
It won't help.
Lamp:
Religion?
DM:
Still won't help.
DM:
Need to actually be able to identify the creature in some way to make a knowledge roll.
Lamp:
Oh
Jekko:
its psion knolidge roll
DM:
Same as before - won't help.

Thug 2:
M-maybe he's right. Maybe we shou-Oh god, my head. It, It burns.

Thug 6:
Keep fighting, fool!
DM:
Anything else?

Elias:
GIVE UP WHILE YOU STILL CAN!
Darth GW7:
How do thugs 5 and 8 react?
Lamp:
This is mean, you force us to kill them
DM:
Do I?
DM:
5 frowns slightly, and puts his crossbow on the ground. 8 spits in his direction, and raises his crossbow.
Darth GW7:
GRAPPLE TIME BITCHES
Darth GW7:
COVER YOUR DICE
DM:
Oh dear god no.
Lamp:
OH GOD
Darth GW7:
How would I go about subduing him
Darth GW7:
Disarm? Or tackle to ground?
Darth GW7:
Or both?
Lamp:
Grapple
Darth GW7:
That's what I meant
DM:
Can't use ranged weapons in a grapple. Tackling him will effectively disarm him.
Darth GW7:
I TACKLE THAT BITCH
Darth GW7:
gently
Canu:
Gently
Darth GW7:
softly
GRiM:
lol
Darth GW7:
smoooooothly
Canu:
Love him gently
Darth GW7:
oh god this is getting weird
GRiM:
hand job XD
Darth GW7:
...
Canu:
rrerr
Darth GW7:
and less and less subtle, too.
Canu:
It's mating season if you know what I mean
Darth GW7:
.
Canu:
.... Sex
Canu:
Just getting more and more blunt
Lamp:
Heh
Lamp:
I have blunt damage resistance
Lamp:
....soon

Xannan Hawkflight:
Z'ar. down boy. no humping
Darth GW7:
GOD DAMNIT GUYS
Darth GW7:
STOP THIS
Canu:
He's asexual Xannan
Darth GW7:
STOP THIS RIGHT NOW
Lamp:
NEVER!
Canu:
Everyone's getting their turn
Canu:
Lamp with the tent
GRiM:
he clearly has a male gender persona
Canu:
And you with the soft tackle
Canu:

Canu:
Anyway
Darth GW7:
HJORT
Canu:
What are results of tackel
Darth GW7:
HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Canu:
tackle*
Darth GW7:
Oh
DM:
Nope
Darth GW7:
he's probably digging out the book
Darth GW7:
I think it's volume 4
Darth GW7:
version 6
Canu:
Volume 4: More on Grappling
GRiM:
lol
Lamp:
Which edition are we talking about?
Canu:
Volume 5: Afterthoughts on Grapplig
DM:
Attack roll.
Darth GW7:
I dedicated a whole bookshelf to the grapple rules
Canu:
Grappling*
Lamp:
It's on the fifth version on the newest
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20+9 => 19 + 9 = 28
Darth GW7:
hoo boy
Darth GW7:
brb
DM:
And another attack roll.
Jekko:
he left
DM:
Indeed
Canu:
Guy is now MAGIC MISSILE MAGIC MISSILE
Canu:
I ShALL MAGIC MISSILE THE LEADER
Canu:
3d4 + 3
Canu:
NO CHANCE OF MISS
Lamp:
It isn't your turn?
Canu:
When it is
DM:
Isn't it a ranged attack, Canu?
Lamp:
After mine
Lamp:
No
Canu:
Nope
Lamp:
Magic missile is autohit
DM:
Aw.
Canu:
It's an auto-shot Hjort
DM:
True
Lamp:
It's like using aimbot
Canu:
however
Canu:
It makes me point at the target
Lamp:
Did the attack roll go through?
Lamp:
For the grapple
DM:
The first one did.
DM:
He now needs to roll to grapple.
Lamp:
....oh
Lamp:
Goddamnit darth
Jekko:
kill murder pillage
Lamp:
Darth
Lamp:
Not nirrit
Lamp:
Nirrti
Lamp:
Yawn
Lamp:
Can I do my turn?
DM:
Darth doesn't go inside him till next turn, Canu. Lamp, take your turn, so long as it doesn't interfere with Darth's.
Lamp:
Can I do a five foot step then charge?
Canu:
go inside him
DM:
heh
DM:
No, Lamp
Lamp:
Aww
Lamp:
Goddamnit guys, you're in front of me
Canu:
Just kill Thug 2
Lamp:
I hit him with my sword!
* Lamp rolls: d20+7 => 2 + 7 = 9
Lamp:
or not
DM:
Hit
Lamp:
....what?
* Lamp rolls: 2d6+4 => 7 + 4 = 11
DM:
What a shame I was lying.
DM:
Anything else?
Lamp:
Do we have any other combats coming?
DM:
Yes. Enough to get to a fairly high level, eventually.
DM:
Oh, did you mean soon?
Lamp:
Yeah
Lamp:
Until resting
DM:
No
Lamp:
LUCK REROLL!
* Lamp rolls: d20+7 => 15 + 7 = 22
DM:
Hit
Lamp:
the damage was 11
DM:
He dies
DM:
Or, is dying.
Canu:
But how
Canu:
We must have detailllllllllll
Canu:
jk jk
Lamp:
haha
DM:
He got hit until he stopped moving.
DM:
Also he has rabies.
Canu:
Hnnnnnng
Canu:
All the blood
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20+9 => 18 + 9 = 27
Darth GW7:
sup
Lamp:
Sup
Canu:
Darth
DM:
Darth, you're now grappling the Thug.
Darth GW7:
Cool.
Darth GW7:
Er...
Darth GW7:
Soooo
Darth GW7:
what now
Lamp:
You are also inside of him
DM:
Not yet, next turn.
DM:
Need to maintain it first.
GRiM:
my turn?
GRiM:
yet?
DM:
...no.
Jekko:
canu
Canu:
What
Canu:
Oh
Canu:
Magic missile
Canu:
Leader
DM:
Leader's turn.
Lamp:
Can I retcon a five foot step?
DM:
No
Lamp:
okay

Leader:
run fuck away

Leader:
leg it

Leader:
nigga she an apple
DM:
Canu's turn
Darth GW7:
IT BEGINS
* Canu rolls: 3d4 + 3 => 8 + 3 = 11
Canu:
Thug 2
Canu:
He explodes?

Thug 2:
Oh dear god, why, I had stopped fighting!
Lamp:
He had?
Canu:
Wait he did?
DM:
Yup
Canu:
Meh
Canu:
He's dying
Canu:
He can deal with it

Ahwassa:
Elias, what the fuck man?
DM:
Done?

Elias:
He was... He was not fighting?

Elias:
Not like I could SEE IT
Canu:
Yes
Canu:
Done
GRiM:
me now?
DM:
No
* DM rolls: d20 + 1 => 8 + 1 = 9
Darth GW7:
..
DM:
vs Jekko, now.
* DM rolls: d20 + 4 => 11 + 4 = 15
DM:
Lamp
* DM rolls: d20 + 4 => 13 + 4 = 17
* DM rolls: d8 => 1
DM:
Jekko's turn
DM:
Er
DM:
I have no idea how this works
Jekko:
i have no idea what im doing
DM:
I suppose that counts as flanking.
Lamp:
I don't think you can flank grappled opponents
DM:
I have no idea. None of the grapple rules make sense.
Lamp:
But grappling negates any dex bonus
Lamp:
so sneak attacks everywhere
Jekko:
flat footed
DM:
True
DM:
Go on
Canu:
Just assumed he's down and at the mercy of Z'ar
Darth GW7:
...
DM:
...
Darth GW7:
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS WORD IT LIKE THAT
Canu:
Well he is, isn't he?
* Jekko rolls: d20+8 => 5 + 8 = 13
DM:
Hit
* Jekko rolls: 1d3+3d6 => 3 + 8 = 11
Canu:
What's jekko attacking
Lamp:
The grappled dude
Lamp:
Wait,
Lamp:
We wanted him alive right?
DM:
Yes
Lamp:
Ops, too late
Darth GW7:
...

Z'ar Kor:
What the hell are you doing?

Z'ar Kor:
*!

Z'ar Kor:
*?!
Canu:
*?!?

Z'ar Kor:
I had him subdued, you didn't need to KILL him!

Halfred:
we have 2 guys left
DM:
Not dead - dying!
Darth GW7:
I roll to slap the fuck outta halfred
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20+9 => 14 + 9 = 23
DM:
Not your turn.
Canu:
Big meaty lizard backhand across the face
Darth GW7:
STOP WORDING IT LIKE THAT
Canu:
WORD WIZARD
Canu:
Ok ok
Jekko:
nirrti or grim?
DM:
Grim
GRiM:
ok
GRiM:
where is the leader?
Jekko:
ran off
DM:
Teleported away
GRiM:
gonna shoot thug 6
GRiM:
rapid shot
Darth GW7:
STOP KILLING THEM
Darth GW7:
YOU.. YOU.....
Darth GW7:
TRIPLE NIGGERS
* GRiM rolls: d20 + 8 => 16 + 8 = 24
Canu:

* GRiM rolls: d20 + 8 => 20 + 8 = 28
Canu:
Why do you want them alive Darth?
DM:
Roll to confirm
* GRiM rolls: d20 + 8 => 17 + 8 = 25
DM:
All hit
Jekko:
4d8
Darth GW7:
Why do you want them dead?
DM:
4?
* GRiM rolls: 3d8+2 => 9 + 2 = 11
Jekko:
long bow is x3
GRiM:
yep
GRiM:
3
Darth GW7:
You just killed a running man
Darth GW7:
What the fuck is wrong with you people
GRiM:
damn straight
DM:
Oh yeah
Canu:
Hahaha
DM:
Nother d8
Canu:
WELCOME TO LIFE DARTH
GRiM:
i rolled 3
Canu:
IT SUCKS
DM:
Another one
Darth GW7:
HEY GUYS
Darth GW7:
GUYS
DM:
For the standard attack
GRiM:
ok fine
Darth GW7:
HOW MANY OF YOU CLAIMED TO BE OF GOOD ALIGNMENT
Darth GW7:
HMMMM
* GRiM rolls: d8 => 6
DM:
One
Lamp:
HEY
Darth GW7:
I'M INTRIGUED
Canu:
We still got Thug 5
Lamp:
I have a reason!
DM:
Wait, too.
DM:
two
Darth GW7:
INCREDIBLY FUCKING INTRIGUED
* GRiM rolls: d8 => 2
Canu:
I'm LE
* GRiM rolls: d8 => 4
Lamp:
They are dying!

Thug 6:
Oh no, who will look after my poor little children now?
Jekko:
shud i kill the last one now
Canu:
Suddenly, children start showing up
DM:
If Grim's done, it's Nirrti's turn
Canu:
"Daddy! Wake up!"
GRiM:
no
GRiM:
badger
DM:
What'll it do?
Canu:
Gotta get as sad and depressing as possibru
GRiM:
1 attack
Canu:
DON'T ATTACK THAT ONE
Canu:
HE SURRENDERED
Jekko:
move it out of the way
GRiM:
he wont kill him
GRiM:
just rough him up a bit
GRiM:
with a bite or two
DM:
Just give him a terrible disease.
Darth GW7:
he's surrendering
GRiM:
yeah
Darth GW7:
you... you.....
Darth GW7:
I...
Lamp:
Quadruple nigger?
DM:
heh
Darth GW7:
Whose turn is it
GRiM:
mine
Darth GW7:
after that
DM:
d20 + 4
* GRiM rolls: d20 + 4 => 12 + 4 = 16
DM:
Nirrti's after that
DM:
That's a hit
* GRiM rolls: d2 -1 => 1 - 1 = 0
Darth GW7:
When am I?
DM:
1 damage
Darth GW7:
..
DM:
Nirrti's turn
Jekko:
end combat or kill the last one
Darth GW7:
END MOTHERFUCKING COMBAT
DM:
Kill it.
Jekko:
naa kill
Darth GW7:
BEFORE I GO BATSHIT DRAGON RAPIST ON YOU DICKFUCKS
DM:
:P
Canu:
Kill
Canu:
pick him up
Darth GW7:
Hey guys
Canu:
And bite his head off
Darth GW7:
Guys
Lamp:
Grapple!
Darth GW7:
Remember that part of Baldur's Gate 2
Darth GW7:
Where you have a really good party member
Darth GW7:
And if you do an evil act
Darth GW7:
She turns on you
Darth GW7:
And attacks you
GRiM:
quick load
Canu:
Yeah
Lamp:
But you already turned on us once
Darth GW7:
And I can do it again oh so easily
DM:
"You must gather your party before venturing forth."
Canu:
Jekko
Canu:
Don't attack
Darth GW7:
YEAH
Darth GW7:
I WILL NEVER AGAIN
Canu:
We don't want Darth's guy turning on us
Darth GW7:
STAND AT YOUR DUNGEON ENTRANCES
Darth GW7:
I WILL DELIBERATELY STAND AT THE OPPOSITE END OF THE MAP
Darth GW7:
NEVER AGAIN WILL YOU VENTURE FORTH

OMG'ahr:
my god want's blood
DM:
It was worse in Icewind Dale. It repeated so, so many times.
Darth GW7:
this reminds me of the time I was playing Baldur's gate 2 at my friends house
GRiM:
plus you are the aerie of this campaign
Darth GW7:
and their brother was pissing me off ingame
Lamp:
Darth
Lamp:
I got this shit
Darth GW7:
so we attacked the guards
Lamp:
Don't worry
Darth GW7:
and ran and hid
Darth GW7:
and they hunted him down and killed him
Canu:
Z'ar is Aerie?
Canu:
hhahahaha
Jekko:
so do i kill him or not?
Darth GW7:
holy shit that bitch has huge eyes
Jekko:
well?
Darth GW7:
no
Darth GW7:
god damn
Jekko:
1 for no
GRiM:
yes Z'ar is Aerie
Canu:
Can we kill him just a little bit
Canu:
Just a little
GRiM:
get info
* Darth GW7 rolls: d1 => 1
GRiM:
kill him
Darth GW7:
1 for no
Darth GW7:
no
* Canu rolls: 1d2 => 2
Canu:
I say yes
Jekko:
1 for yes
Jekko:
2 for yes
* GRiM rolls: d2 => 2
Lamp:
I say no
GRiM:
yes
Jekko:
its fucking tie
Darth GW7:
Alright
Darth GW7:
what now
Jekko:
so dm say your words
DM:
What
Lamp:
I say we let them live
DM:
I want no part in this madness
Canu:
We let him live
Lamp:
Those that can at least
Darth GW7:
HE SAID NO
Darth GW7:
HE SAID NO
Canu:
even Evil has satandards
Canu:
Hahahahaha
Darth GW7:
I want no
Darth GW7:
no
Lamp:
satandards
Canu:
Satandards
Lamp:
Was that an accidental pun?
Canu:
Yes
Lamp:
Is combat over?
Darth GW7:
yes
GRiM:
XP!?
Darth GW7:
XD
Lamp:
I cast cure minor wounds on all the dying enemies
GRiM:
dont
GRiM:
do that
GRiM:
questions first
Lamp:
It's +1 heal
GRiM:
then heal
Lamp:
It's for stabilizing
Darth GW7:
oh sure
DM:
200 xp. Then a 200 penalty for murdering innocents.
Jekko:
loot
Lamp:
haha
GRiM:
WHAT
Darth GW7:
They're REALLY going to answer when they're unconcious
GRiM:
nothing about morality here
Lamp:
I say we tie 'em up
GRiM:
THIS IS D&D
Jekko:
search take 10 so 20
DM:
Nothing of value on them but cheap clubs, crossbows and leather armour.
* Elias continues to clutch his eyes
Lamp:
We.... don't take those
Lamp:
I cast heal moderate wounds on Elias
GRiM:
depends
Jekko:
so no xp
GRiM:
the crossbows good?
Darth GW7:
grim
DM:
200 xp
Darth GW7:
they're thugs.
Darth GW7:
petty street thugs
DM:
What did you cast on Elias, Lamp?
Lamp:
Cure Moderate wounds
DM:
Roll for how much it heals/
Lamp:
checking
* Lamp rolls: 2d8+4 => 10 + 4 = 14
Lamp:
14hp
Canu:
Yay
Canu:
Now I'm STILL GOING BLIND

Elias:
I feel healthy!
Lamp:
Can I cure the blindness with a heeal check?
DM:
Nope.

OMG'ahr:
so who sent you guys to kill us?

Z'ar Kor:
So Elias. What were you saying about only the weak falling victim to this plague?
* Elias snorts and wipes his eyes before approaching one of the dying men still conscious

Xannan Hawkflight:
Elias

Xannan Hawkflight:
follow my finger

Z'ar Kor:
Maybe now you'll look on their suffering with more compassion.
Canu:
Intimidate check
* Canu rolls: 1d20 + 9 => 8 + 9 = 17
* Xannan Hawkflight waves his finger in front of elias
* DM rolls: d20 + 1 => 14 + 1 = 15

Xannan Hawkflight:
count the fingers
* Elias follows the finger, but sluggishly
* Xannan Hawkflight holds up 2

Xannan Hawkflight:
see?

Elias:
It's blurry, but I think it's 2

Xannan Hawkflight:
your fine
Darth GW7:
One mirrion dorrars?

Xannan Hawkflight:
Bodger will keep an eye out for the baddies
* Xannan Hawkflight whistles
DM:
He has milky white cataracts covering his eyes, now.
* Elias grips the scruff of one of the thugs

Xannan Hawkflight:
FOLLOW ELIAS

Elias:
Look you little shits, tell me WHY DID YOU ATTACK US

Xannan Hawkflight:
KEEP HIM SADE
GRiM:
*Safe
DM:
No

Elias:
Give us a good answer and I'll decide not to kill you painfully

Ahwassa:
Xanan, you're not taking this seriously are you?
DM:
It shall forever be Sade.

Bodger:
Arf!
Canu:
Elias is raging now

Thug 2:
I don't... remember. Where am I? Where are my children?

Elias:
Useless stupid FOOL

Thug 2:
All I remember is hearing a knock on the door then... then eyes.
* Elias raises a finger at the guy's head

Halfred:
mind controll
* Z'ar Kor grabs Elias
* Elias looks unsure of himself, glancing from the guy to the party

Halfred:
same whit Z'ar but whit masses
* Z'ar Kor and shifts 15ft in the process

Elias:
LET GO OF ME!

Z'ar Kor:
you- need- to- calm- down-
* Z'ar Kor pulls Elias away from the poor sod

Ahwassa:
I don't think you should handle the interrogations
DM:
Strength checks, surely
Lamp:
It's a mage
DM:
Still
Darth GW7:
...
DM:
Darth could get a nat 1.
GRiM:
lol
Darth GW7:
18 vs 9
* Elias steadies himself against a wall
Darth GW7:
seriously hjort
DM:
Go on.
Darth GW7:
SIGH
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20+4 => 7 + 4 = 11
DM:
Canu
Darth GW7:
he gets 13

Xannan Hawkflight:
STOP IT YOU TWO

Elias:
All I wanted was to go back to my PEOPLE, and look what happened!
Darth GW7:
buff outta fucking nowhere

Elias:
EXACTLY! I CAN'T LOOK!

Xannan Hawkflight:
just ask that spineless whelp what he was doing here so we can get Elias some help and come back with enough ammo and spells to get revenge!
Canu:
Wait, gotta strength resist check
* Canu rolls: 1d20 - 1 => 11 - 1 = 10
Canu:
Nah
DM:
Right

Thug 5:
i'll just go home now
Darth GW7:
barely
Darth GW7:
oh god
Darth GW7:
Thug 5 must think we're crazy
Darth GW7:
he's probably sorry he ever left his house
DM:
Can you blame him?

Thug 5:
bye
DM:
Have you seen what you guys look like?

Elias:
I'm a mage Z'ar, I'm a MAGE

Elias:
I need my eyes

Elias:
Now I'm just one of the common rabble

Z'ar Kor:
We can cure it- YOU can cure it.
* Elias laughs

Elias:
This is all so fitting, isn't it

Z'ar Kor:
Personally, I don't think it's a coincidence.

Ahwassa:
You deserve it

Elias:
Of course it's not coincidence! Why do bad things happen to good people!

Elias:
It's not fair

Ahwassa:
True. Good thing it didn't happen this time

Halfred:
maybe the leader was the guy who sen't the letter Ellias

Halfred:
*send

Z'ar Kor:
Is treating the poor and needy like scum fair, Elias?

Z'ar Kor:
Is it fair to turn away from their suffering and spit at their feet?

Z'ar Kor:
You're looking through their eyes, now.

Z'ar Kor:
Maybe this is your chance to turn yourself around.
DM:
heh
* Elias puts his head against the wall, either refusing to respond to Z'ar, or unwilling to cope with ethe reality of the situation
* DM rolls: d20 + 19 => 1 + 19 = 20
DM:
Hm.
DM:
Continue.
Lamp:
What was that?

Xannan Hawkflight:
Z'ar, you talk a lot of crap you know?
DM:
Spot checks.
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20-1 => 15 - 1 = 14
Darth GW7:
Hey, a not bad spot roll!
* Lamp rolls: d20+3 => 3 + 3 = 6
* GRiM rolls: d20 -1 => 3 - 1 = 2
Darth GW7:
...
DM:
No
DM:
That was me
Darth GW7:
the same cannot be said for you
DM:
Making a spot check
Darth GW7:
oh

Elias:
Wait... Wait!
DM:
Sorry for the confusion. :\

Elias:
There's still hope
Darth GW7:
...Is Thug 5 enthralled by Nirrti's presence?

Elias:
College, the COLLEGE!
DM:
heh

Xannan Hawkflight:
magic eye surgery?
* Elias laughs, "Don't be silly, you can't perform surgery on the eyes."

Thug 5:
now's my chance LEG IT!
Darth GW7:
tell that to jensen
Canu:
I fire a magic missile at thug 5
Darth GW7:
He's gone, doctor.
Canu:


Elias:
Ok, the college is...

Elias:
Is...

Elias:
Where are we
Jekko:
local

Ahwassa:
The college is that big tower?

Xannan Hawkflight:
Elias , should we get a map in Braille?

Elias:
No no, no need

Elias:
it's the big tower

Elias:
Ahwassa is right for a change

Xannan Hawkflight:
for a change?

Ahwassa:
For a change?

Z'ar Kor:
Back to your normal condescending self, I see.
* Z'ar Kor sighs

Ahwassa:
That's the thanks I get for constantly healing your wounds?

Elias:
Fine... Thank you, Ahwassa, for everythig

Elias:
everything*

Halfred:
let's just move out before more people show up

Xannan Hawkflight:
she tried her best
Lamp:
Was that in a sarcastic tone?
Canu:
No, it was in a forced tone

Ahwassa:
See? Not that hard

Elias:
I need a drink to get this taste out of my mouth, it's unusual

Halfred:
let's just move
* DM rolls: d20 => 3
DM:
The College is surrounded by large, ornate stone walls. The only gate in is surrounded by guardsmen. One of them intercepts you as you approach. "Halt," she cries. "What business do you have here?"

Elias:
I am chief acolyte Elias Guillermo of the Collegium Evocata, archmagus Gerard Samaril would probably wish to see me
Darth GW7:
his mouth just opened but all I heard were words
Lamp:
What else do you hear from there?
DM:
Best not to ask.
Darth GW7:
..
DM:
"What is this Osir doing with you, Mage? And this... this thing." She looks at Z'ar with disgust.
Darth GW7:
knew it was coming
Lamp:
How did he recognise?
Lamp:
Not Zar obviously
DM:
I assume you look distinctly different. You are effectively from different continents.
Lamp:
All right

Elias:
I was trapped in the Planes due to a mage conducting unsanctioned magicks in the borderlands, I came across these... Comrades during my time in the Abyss
Lamp:
So... I look like the average scandinavian?
DM:
When were you ever in the Abyss?
Canu:
Ok
DM:
Er, sure, why not.
Canu:
Not Abyss
Canu:
The place we were

Xannan Hawkflight:
and now he's gone blind
DM:
Carceri

Xannan Hawkflight:
nearly
Canu:
Yes
Canu:
Carceri
DM:
She looks at you, blankly for a moment. The Abyss presumably means nothing to her. "And you say you were apprenticed to Samaril?"
Lamp:
Man, they should get better guards for this place

Elias:
I was... Is something wrong?

Elias:
I was... Well am*
DM:
"Er, yes. Have you spoken with him recently?"
Darth GW7:
She's probably thinking "The fuck is up with this bitch's eyes?"

Elias:
I have not, which is why I am here
Lamp:
Say if you plan on making important dip rolls
Lamp:
wait, nvm
DM:
"I can't risk taking your word for it. By His Lordship, I must place you, Elias Guillermo, and your companions, under arrest for suspicion of treason."
Darth GW7:
shit

Elias:
I... What?

Xannan Hawkflight:
What? on what grounds?
Canu:
Dip check
* Canu rolls: 1d20 + 9 => 17 + 9 = 26
Darth GW7:
...
DM:
What do you say?
* GRiM rolls: d20 +6 => 13 + 6 = 19
GRiM:
thats my dip
DM:
What do YOU say, as well, then.
* Darth GW7 rolls: d20 => 7
Darth GW7:
THAT's-
Darth GW7:
never mind
Lamp:
Saving my roll
DM whispers: And what do you say?

Elias:
Guardsman I have been a law-abiding citizen of the Bier Empire for my entire life, vowing my life to protecting her lands and interests. I was taken away from her for months, only to be returned and called a traitor? Has something happened to Gerard?'
You whisper to DM: nothing, I'm not stupid
DM:
"Half the college fled to aid the rebel lords in the South. We cannot afford to take the risk that the rest are disloyal to the Empire - with our army cut off and our enemies almost at the gate, it would be insane to leave such a potential threat inside the city."
Lamp:
Which way are the osiri lands?
DM:
North east
* Elias stares blankly forward, before taking out a hand and rubbing his forehead, breathing heavily
Lamp:
ah
Lamp:
How do we get out of this?

Elias:
Emperor preserve me, I want, NEED to know how this happened

Elias:
Can we at least go into the Collegium to get aid for my blindness, and perhaps time to hear what changed in my absence?

Elias:
You could follow me for all I care, I'm no traitor
Canu:
Emperor Preserve me
Canu:
Ha
DM:
"The College has been shut down, sir. We're searching through it for evidence. And, the priests of our lordship have not found a cure - do you doubt their abilities?"

Xannan Hawkflight:
Yes, Yes we do

Elias:
I... Ah, I do not, where's the nearest Apothecary then
Lamp:
Idea
Darth GW7:
Tape Xan's mouth shut?
Darth GW7:
I concur.
* Elias snaps at Xannan, "Do not say such a thing."
Lamp:
Let's go to the college to loot all the expensive magic items
Lamp:
While it's almost empty
Darth GW7:
this isn't oblivion
Lamp:
haha
DM:
"Mundane medicines don't help, Mage. And you, Ranger. How dare you? Those words right there are almost treason in and of themselves!"
Darth GW7:
"Oh, you say you want to join the mage's guild! Sure, fine! Take all our valuable items!"
Lamp:
Haha
Lamp:
Maybe it is the clerics themselves who are behind this disease

Elias:
Guardswoman, you've most likely heard tales of a mage's connection to the forces that give the Emperor His undying power, and how we're conduits of His will.
DM:
Heh
DM:
Clever
Lamp:
Wait, you're going WH40k mode too?
Canu:
The Emperor is held as a God on Earth in the Empire
Lamp:
Oh
Darth GW7:
wow
Darth GW7:
I think...
DM:
Technically
Darth GW7:
I think that Z'ar coming here was a bad idea

Halfred:
here we go again
Darth GW7:
I'm really not going to fit in at all, am I?
DM:
It's more complex than that, but it should all make sense in time.
Canu:
Well there are Dragons Darth
Darth GW7:
...
Canu:
But they're hunted mercilessly
Lamp:
Remember how we got away the last time
Lamp:
Lets do that again!
DM:
Have fun with that.
Lamp:
We have a top secret mission from the top....
Canu:
These aren't your average rent-a-cops
Canu:
Actually
Lamp:
They aren't?
Canu:
Neither was Ribcage
Lamp:
Let's do this shit!
DM:
What do you think they'll do if you say you're on a secret mission?
Canu:
TREASON
Lamp:
Secret Mission from the empereor himself!
Canu:
Himself*
DM:
And then you're taken to him for questioning. And then you make up new characters.
Lamp:
Oh
Lamp:
I'm making a monk
Darth GW7:
I need to go guys
GRiM:
HOW WILL THEY GET IN?
GRiM:
WHAT IS GOING ON IN THE SOUTH
DM:
Wut
GRiM:
?
Lamp:
It's the cliffhanger
GRiM:
FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON D&D ADVENTURES!
Canu:
OH
Canu:
I got it
Canu:
I give myself up for questioning, I got nothing to hide after all
Canu:
And maybe that advances the plot
Canu:
While you guys do whatever
Canu:
Huzzah
DM:
You forget
Jekko:
or you get killed
DM:
No, nm. Do that, fantastic plan.
Lamp:
Oh shit, don't do that
DM:
No seriously. Everyone wins.
Canu:
Yeah, you stay alive while Elias dies
Lamp:
I need to roll sense motive on hat
* Lamp rolls: d20+3 => 8 + 3 = 11
GRiM:
i would like us to all go in
DM:
Which hat?
GRiM:
surrender to arrest
Lamp:
that
DM:
The fucking hat? Or the disguise one?
GRiM:
then we can bust out
GRiM:
like a boss
Lamp:
The fucking one
DM:
Oh
DM:
...its motives are fairly clear.
Darth GW7:
AND ON THAT BOMBSHELL IT'S THE END OF THE SESSION, GOODNIGHT!
You have disconnected.