Astral Mayo+PB: Who am i?

&BuffyVampireSlayer: Idk. Who are you?

Astral Mayo+PB: who knows

Astral Mayo+PB: ?_?

&BuffyVampireSlayer: hi wolf

Astral Mayo+PB: Myself, i presume.

&BuffyVampireSlayer: lol

&BuffyVampireSlayer: !_!

Astral Mayo+PB: what kind of hindu do you use to figure people out

&BuffyVampireSlayer: buffy hindu

Astral Mayo+PB: I lasted about as long as the muslums in trump america

&BuffyVampireSlayer: why are you back again?

Astral Mayo+PB: Why arn't i?

&BuffyVampireSlayer: to make sure i don't kill myself lol

&BuffyVampireSlayer:

Astral Mayo+PB: There was cool people, and leagues i wanted to join

Astral Mayo+PB: and that too

&BuffyVampireSlayer: im pretty impressed i figured it out that quickly

&BuffyVampireSlayer: doesn't seem anyone else has

Astral Mayo+PB: it was kinda hard to type on skype and make sure i wasn't talking here at the same time

Astral Mayo+PB: xD

&BuffyVampireSlayer: lol

Astral Mayo+PB: i couldn't be bothered to hide it that well

&BuffyVampireSlayer: i figured it was you, you didn't really fool me

Astral Mayo+PB: i never can, and never will

&BuffyVampireSlayer: especially with that username

Astral Mayo+PB: but heres the question i ask to you liz

&BuffyVampireSlayer: hm?

Astral Mayo+PB: Are we still friends?

Astral Mayo+PB:

&BuffyVampireSlayer: i don't know

&BuffyVampireSlayer: i mean you literally spread the personal info of myself and of one of my closest friends around

&BuffyVampireSlayer: and it's not like you've apologized for doing so

&BuffyVampireSlayer: to either of us

Astral Mayo+PB: did anyone use it, no?

&BuffyVampireSlayer: we were called a lot

Astral Mayo+PB: by?

&BuffyVampireSlayer: Pack

&BuffyVampireSlayer: numbers from Arizona

Astral Mayo+PB: I mean, i'm pretty sure i apologized full heartedly at this point

&BuffyVampireSlayer: and after you did that i was fucked for so long

&BuffyVampireSlayer: like

&BuffyVampireSlayer: you didn't see it obviously

&BuffyVampireSlayer: but i didn't trust anyone

&BuffyVampireSlayer: and i still don't tbh

&BuffyVampireSlayer: but it was worse than now

Astral Mayo+PB: neither do i

&BuffyVampireSlayer: i was freaking out almost every day on prime

&BuffyVampireSlayer: i was suspicious of everyone

&BuffyVampireSlayer: i literally ended my conversations with "thank you for not doxxing me"

&BuffyVampireSlayer: and it really hurt exo too.

Astral Mayo+PB: oh, just so you know

Astral Mayo+PB: I was more aiming for the prime, than the other

Astral Mayo+PB: if i wanted someone to be doxxed

Astral Mayo+PB: i could get someone doxxed

Astral Mayo+PB: but thats not what i wanted

&BuffyVampireSlayer: im not sure i know what you mean

Astral Mayo+PB: I pretty much gave your number by peer pressure, i gave exo's numbers for different reasons

&BuffyVampireSlayer: what were the reasons for giving exos?

Astral Mayo+PB: ...More personal than anything

&BuffyVampireSlayer: Go on

&BuffyVampireSlayer: might as well come completely clean

Astral Mayo+PB: Well, if i'm getting mopped up into the trash in a bit, i have really no reason too

Astral Mayo+PB: Unless you Really want me too

&BuffyVampireSlayer: i really do

&BuffyVampireSlayer: want you too

&BuffyVampireSlayer: *to

Astral Mayo+PB: Any reason why you want me too?

&BuffyVampireSlayer: Because i need closure

Astral Mayo+PB: besides out of pure curosity

Astral Mayo+PB: Closure for what?

&BuffyVampireSlayer: I have enough reasons to cry, and you've been one of them for awhile

&BuffyVampireSlayer: To fully understand what happened

Astral Mayo+PB: Well, lets patch up one of those reasons shall we?

&BuffyVampireSlayer: Yeah

Astral Mayo+PB: So, this was back a while ago, and i already wasn't mentally stable, I have bipolar, depression, a shiteton of other stuff, you know this, at this point i was just looking at ways to be happy, i was never satified by anyone

Astral Mayo+PB: But, one night, my friend came over, and we talked for at least 7 hours about all the conditions, and while doing that, I learned that i'm most likely a Sciocopath, And of this, it made sense.

Astral Mayo+PB: I Really have love for no one, i hate mainly everyone, i can't trust anyone, and mainly, i feel no Empathy for noone, not even my best of friends

Astral Mayo+PB: So, i had a skype call with deadbeats and rinny, who have been helping me stay at least, alive, and areidis she helped me a ton, and she invited this people, like people who made me feel good on the inside, all of them a bit crazy, risk taking, fun, probably criminals but meh

&BuffyVampireSlayer: legitimately criminals, not probably.

Astral Mayo+PB: So, we started talking about phone numbers and i wanted to get involved, no one knew who was on prime, but i said i was a staff member on prime, and they asked if i had a number of any staff

Astral Mayo+PB: And to that i said yes, being the dumbass child i am with no regret for anything, i am sorry for hurting you, and all that i've done with all of the heart i have that actually feels remorse.

Astral Mayo+PB: And They called exo and said some funny shit, then it came along to you, and i didn't want to give yours, but pure pressure comes and its like smoking, You don't want to, but your friends pursade you to

&BuffyVampireSlayer: You're a lot stronger than that.

Astral Mayo+PB: So, i did, and i ended up in a hole that i couldn't dig myself out of, but i had friends here that wanted me back, so i brought myself and my personality back.

Astral Mayo+PB: And thats where my newself comes strong

&BuffyVampireSlayer: Wolfenne do you even comprehend what you did to me?

Astral Mayo+PB: Because irl i'm an Anti-Social Prick

&BuffyVampireSlayer: I haven't been the same person ever since.

Astral Mayo+PB: I certainly understand what i did, i want to help you, but it seems you don't want my help, and to that i say Well, you can't say i didn't try.

&BuffyVampireSlayer: i don't even know how you would help

Astral Mayo+PB: Aha, you'd be quite suprised

&BuffyVampireSlayer: Ok, how would you help?

&BuffyVampireSlayer: I was the one person who put everything into you, when others doubted you, i never did.

&BuffyVampireSlayer: I wanted to help you knowing what was wrong

Astral Mayo+PB: Everyone puts me down, so i stay down

&BuffyVampireSlayer: and i was repaid with betrayal.

Astral Mayo+PB: I never sprout

Astral Mayo+PB: I never WILL sprout

&BuffyVampireSlayer: You are the cause of that

&BuffyVampireSlayer: I believed in you more than anyone else

&BuffyVampireSlayer: i loved you for Christ's sake.

&BuffyVampireSlayer: i still do. i never stop loving someone even if they hurt me

&BuffyVampireSlayer: wonderful flaw i have.

Astral Mayo+PB: All of the people that like me, i feel this, constant state of, "They are going to hurt me, i can not let me guard down." thats my flaw

Astral Mayo+PB: If i was dead, My friends directly said if i committed sucide "Well, it'd suck, but we wouldn't be suprised."

&BuffyVampireSlayer: You know that feeling you just said you had?

&BuffyVampireSlayer: I never had that until what you did

&BuffyVampireSlayer: and i never would hurt you, ever.

&BuffyVampireSlayer: The one person who's always been on your side

&BuffyVampireSlayer: i have always been on your side

&BuffyVampireSlayer: i supported you when everyone else hated you

Astral Mayo+PB: I'll tell you in real life, i have No one who's ever been proud of me, have ever accepted me, who ever even CARED

Astral Mayo+PB: fuck i'm tearing up

&BuffyVampireSlayer: you had me Jude

&BuffyVampireSlayer: i was that for you

Astral Mayo+PB: Had.

Astral Mayo+PB: Now i have no one

&BuffyVampireSlayer: Because of your own choice.

&BuffyVampireSlayer: You chose to hurt me and practically ruin me

&BuffyVampireSlayer: To make me scared of almost everyone i talk to.

&BuffyVampireSlayer: No one else made those decisions but you

Astral Mayo+PB: I know i made them, you can't climb out of a dirt whole on the earths core with a latter

Astral Mayo+PB: ladder*

&BuffyVampireSlayer: and EXO, holds so much disdain toward you now

&BuffyVampireSlayer: she supported you too

&BuffyVampireSlayer: the two people who held support for you were the two that you for whatever reason tore down

&BuffyVampireSlayer: and through all of that i love you anyway

&BuffyVampireSlayer: it's fucked up

Astral Mayo+PB: So now what.

&BuffyVampireSlayer: i don't know

Astral Mayo+PB: We are both an utter wreck without each other, but you feel so torn at, and can't trust me

&BuffyVampireSlayer: for good reason

&BuffyVampireSlayer: you're also globally locked for committing a crime

&BuffyVampireSlayer: so if someone figures that out, aka lights, you're fucked.

Astral Mayo+PB: of course i know that

&BuffyVampireSlayer: unless your lock was lifted

&BuffyVampireSlayer: but

&BuffyVampireSlayer: Lights would still ban you from here anyway

&BuffyVampireSlayer: and im very uncomfortable keeping things from him

Astral Mayo+PB: thats what i said before

Astral Mayo+PB: it feels like you are stalling my oppending doom

&BuffyVampireSlayer: but i don't want to tell him yet because i know he'll but into it and not let us discuss things

&BuffyVampireSlayer: i don't know what i'm doing

&BuffyVampireSlayer: i haven't been emotionally stable for days now

Astral Mayo+PB: I havn't been emotionally stable for years

Astral Mayo+PB: does lights even know that you are sucidal?

&BuffyVampireSlayer: yes

&BuffyVampireSlayer: almost the entire staff team knows

&BuffyVampireSlayer: lol

&BuffyVampireSlayer: well- the staff team that i like

&BuffyVampireSlayer: and linda

Astral Mayo+PB: I'm just waiting for the electric chair at this point

&BuffyVampireSlayer: If you're assuming you're fucked then what's the sense in coming?

&BuffyVampireSlayer: i don't get it.

&BuffyVampireSlayer: im just so confused

&BuffyVampireSlayer: and here i am crying again

Astral Mayo+PB: I am here for the people who still side with me

Astral Mayo+PB: I am here to make others feel happy

&BuffyVampireSlayer: What side is there to be on?

&BuffyVampireSlayer: Didn't we used to be on the same side?

&BuffyVampireSlayer: are we not anymore?

&BuffyVampireSlayer: you say you're sorry for hurting exo and i but you act as if we're on different teams if you are truly sorry

Astral Mayo+PB: I'm just here to be a people pleaser at this point

&BuffyVampireSlayer: if you truly want to make amends

&BuffyVampireSlayer: you need to be able to please yourself jude

&BuffyVampireSlayer: you cant make others happy if you arent

Astral Mayo+PB: I make people laugh, and i enjoy doing that.

&BuffyVampireSlayer: for the past few days ive learned that

&BuffyVampireSlayer: because ive been doing a bunch of things on prime trying to keep myself busy

&BuffyVampireSlayer: because if i keep myself busy

&BuffyVampireSlayer: i have less time to be in pain

&BuffyVampireSlayer: i have less time to think about being in pain

&BuffyVampireSlayer: so i do games and giveaways

&BuffyVampireSlayer: and talk to users

&BuffyVampireSlayer: and all that stuff that makes everyone happy

&BuffyVampireSlayer: i may type LOL or use an obscene amount of emotes but none of it gives me gratification

&BuffyVampireSlayer: so i know that it doesn't help you Jude

Astral Mayo+PB: i enjoy it, that doesn't mean it helps my mental state

&BuffyVampireSlayer: While in some ways it is fulfilling to make others happy it also doesn't fulfill anything to help what's wrong

Astral Mayo+PB: i gave up on my mental state at this point

&BuffyVampireSlayer: You shouldn't.

&BuffyVampireSlayer: We can't both give up.

Astral Mayo+PB: I'm not giving up and commiting sucide.

Astral Mayo+PB: if thats what you mean

&BuffyVampireSlayer: i mean giving up in general

&BuffyVampireSlayer: You know

&BuffyVampireSlayer: last night

&BuffyVampireSlayer: i deleted the game room

&BuffyVampireSlayer: didn't think something as simple as a room on a stupid pokemon server would make me feel so horrendous

&BuffyVampireSlayer: It was because of all the time

&BuffyVampireSlayer: all the time i spent, the work, the effort

&BuffyVampireSlayer: i put in a lot of time on you, work, effort, support, love, i was always there

&BuffyVampireSlayer: i guess it sort of felt the same way

&BuffyVampireSlayer: losing you and losing my room

Astral Mayo+PB: I mean.

&BuffyVampireSlayer: it felt like i did it for nothing. like i am nothing.

Astral Mayo+PB: I have nothing against you, so you really didn't lose me, you more just lost faith in me

Astral Mayo+PB: If you let go of me, thats your choice, if you keep me, its your choice

Astral Mayo+PB: you have viable reasons for both

&BuffyVampireSlayer: i know.

&BuffyVampireSlayer: i just don't know

&BuffyVampireSlayer: ive cried too much recently

&BuffyVampireSlayer: lol