Circe Fixes 2: Conversation Topics

>You close your eyes and focus your mind on leaving Circe’s chamber. The lines and runes drawn throughout the walls and floor glow a faint blue, and, with a flash and the distinct sound of an implosion, you find yourself in the Crag again, your body covered in a quickly vanishing blue mist.
Depending on how 'close' you are with Circe, it would be nice to see variations of you leaving. You and her not sharing a word when leaving is is bit awkward, but it works when you don't have any particular friendliness towards each other.

>Circe was apparently ready for your arrival, as she sits on the heavy wooden chain in the middle of the chamber, legs crossed, analyzing you. “So, Jack, what do you have for me?”
This falls under the same point above.

Add a Back button for Circe's Sex menu.



MARAE'S BLESSING

Change button name to "Marae" as it doesn't fit, and abbreviating it would look weird when simply her name and the tooltip description can get the point across.

The name of the button is singular, but the tooltip is plural (blessings).

>She nods in genuine interest at the effects of Marae’s pearl.
I can't help but want to see her reaction and take on it if you were to present it to her.

>“Keep that in mind” - she says, looking straight into your eyes.
Comma after "mind"

>“Constantly” - she says, in a grim fashion. “But I am still myself.”
Comma after "constantly"

I don't want to promise anything, but at least at this moment I would love to debate Circe on these topics as the player (writing something up, that is) with a choice in this that can carry over in how Circe thinks of you, were she ever to be expanded as previously discussed. Every instance of discussion would remember the previous choice of the topic and remove it.



FERA'S BOONS

>“boon”
Regular quotation marks.

This scene refers to it as a singular boon (regardless if you have both) but the button is plural.

>Corruption does not change the morality of a being, that much I have concluded already.
I feel that changing it to "Corruption does not necessarily change the morality of a being," would fit better, due to there always being outliers and in many ways morality is changed, or rather put aside for obsession.

>You ask her why Fera herself would be so obsessed with it, since she is not a goddess of reproduction, but of predation.
Making a god out to be The God of [thing] doesn't sit well with me. It's a mortal appointed title based on the actions of the god, not something the god is bound to. A smart or well-informed player should not make this mistake if they want to have any chance of not looking like a dumbass in front of Circe.



INQUISITORS

>You tell her that “living” is a bit of a stretch for his current situation, but yes.
Plain quotations for "living"



LAURENTIUS

>The word 'Laurentius' piques her interest, more than any other.
"The name 'Laurentius' piques her interest, more than any other word."

>He vanished one day, and after a few years, nobody cared enough to look.
"nobody cared enough to continue looking."

>and apparently understood something basic about Corruption that no one else did.
Lowercase the C.

>You ask her how does she know so much, considering how secretive he was, and how scarce are the records on his life.
"You ask her how she knows so much about him, considering how secretive he was and how scarce the records of his life were."



MANOR

>You tell her everything about Evelyn, her curse, the Manor, the horrible creatures you fought there, the books you found, and the Necromancer himself.
Capitalization is a bit odd, as Manor and Necromancer aren't actual names. This is consistent through all your work with these two things, but at least something to consider looking into.


Something to tie into Circe's respect for you could be having taken home books and research documents from the necromancer and offering to let her look through them. An option to simply burn the knowledge in the manor's basement should also be present, while making out how useless it would be to take home. Despite hating the idea of necromancy (You did good by ending the Necromancer’s work, [name]. Such profane magic is a type of corruption that this land cannot withstand.) I'm convinced she would still be very much interested in the actual magic behind it.



NAMELESS HORROR

Button name doesn't fit, probably just change it to "Horror"?

In the tooltip the word "infinity" is capitalized when it's not an actual concrete location, although this one can be a stylistic choice with a stretch.

Add a comma after "thing" in the tooltip, make sure it gets italicized as well.

>You tell her about the obsidian crystal,
Sometimes it gets called a crystal, sometimes a shard. Either or, not both unless you name it a crystal shard in the instances where it's mentioned as a crystal.

>“Ah, of course. You’re wondering whether or not I’ve probed your mind before. I could have, yes. But I haven’t.
If she could've at any time, why have her touch your temples for it in this instance?

>Then, it hits you; is she reading your mind right now?
The comma stalls the "shock" moment when reading this. It makes it sound a lot more relaxed than it should.

>You take the crystal from your bag, and peer through it.
This sentence has two blank lines above it.

>You see the Thing, the Nameless Horror at the edge of Infinity.
Capitalizing Nameless Horror as if it's an actual established name is weird when it's really just a description in the game's world.

>You open your eyes.
Adding ellipses at the start of this sets it apart from the other single-line sentences in this menu to signal it's over.

>You look around, and notice Circe is back at the center of the chamber, sitting down, legs crossed. Again, she analyzes you, head resting on one hand, but she seems troubled.
She had her hands on my temples, yet when I open my eyes she's somewhere completely different. I know she can do several fasts with magic, but it's much more impactful if she is still right there with you and makes sense context wise.

>You nod. After your encounter with the Nameless Horror. Yes. You do.
"You nod. After your encounter with the nameless horror, yes, you do."

>Within the perspective of the Cosmos, we are merely errant matter given sentience.
Why are things like cosmos and infinity repeatedly capitalized?

>Perhaps the Crystal was Ephraim’s attempt at revenge; to bring you to see what he saw, and for you to lose yourself as he did.
Uncapitalize "crystal" and probably replace with or add on "shard"
The necromancer also gets named her properly when earlier in this scene he's simply references to as "Necromancer" which is against capitalized as if it's his name. You might as well capitalize words like Wizard, or Smith when referring to people then.

A note on the existence of the Nameless Horror:
All your content ends with something far beyond the scope of Mareth itself (nameless horror, Laurentius and world recreation, the demon Circe bargained with) which ends up almost trivializing the game's world due to them being such huge points of interest and the story that they dwarf Lethice and even Marae. While such topics shouldn't be taboo, it does take its toll on the story of the main game when currently it's barely held together as is without reality reshaping or existence itself being an illusion. Mareth as a whole should feel lonesome, isolated, it's why making friends and lovers ends up feeling rewarding in its own right. Adding so many outside influences beyond its scope diminishes that immensely. The nameless horror and delusions/visions Ephraim had could just as well be left up to the player's imagination if it was real or not to begin with with some small alterations, same with other things. Although effort wise a small change, it would be huge for the overall stories you've been telling and that's not something I'd enforce, I'd much rather have a discussion over it.



CORRUPTED WITCHES

The button name doesn't fit. Rename to simply "Crag Witches"

>You tell her about the hex the Corrupted Witches placed on you, and their apparent curse of infertility.
Why is "corrupted witches" capitalized? Is that their official name/title in the game world? There is a distinction between capitalizing content names in and outside of the game.

>in the search of some cure for their curse, or methods to boost their fertility.
Redundant "the"

>I am descended of those, yes.
"I am a descendant of those, yes." Just to avoid some repetition with a sentence almost exactly the same a bit down.


>Her voice turns colder and sharper.
"Her voice turns sharper and cold." sounds a lot better.



TEL'ADRE

>You nod with apprehension, but mention that the Covenant has managed to keep corruption at bay,
Not a typo, but this is an example of the correct usage of capitalization, since it is an actual officially named and existing group in the game's world, not a collective of women who are witches and corrupted as "corrupted witches" is a description more than a name.

>Hold Corruption back: that’s their only objective.
Stop. No more.

>And by fighting Corruption as they do, they are only fighting their own nature.
I swear to Marae.



GARGOYLE

>You tell the story about the Cathedral you found, and the animated Gargoyle that lives there.
"Cathedral" is not the name of the cathedral and "Gargoyle" is not the name of the gargoyle found there (unless you're an unimaginative moron, in which case carry on I guess?).

>She arches her brow with genuine worry, gets up from her chair and moves to a bookcase.
Comma after "chair"

>The title reads “Secrets of Prima Materia and the Principium Individuatonis”.
This shouldn't be in italics or with fancy parenthesis.

>“There you go, [name]. With this book, you can animate your own Gargoyle.”
>I will find you.

>You turn your head at her, incredulous, and open the book.You do your best, but fail to understand a single paragraph of the passage you chose to read.
Space after the period.

>The Cathedral might have been the resting place of one of the last few masters of the Animus.”
"That cathedral might have been"

>“Do not mistake my curiosity on the nature of Corruption for sympathy with demons.
And I will hurt you.



SAND WITCHES

>like the Covenant in Tel’Adre or the Corrupted Witches here in the Crag.
"Crag" as well shouldn't be capitalized due to being a region description, not a specifically named place.

>The question is strange, coming from her. Isn’t she trying to wield Corruption herself?
I hurt myself today.

>Isn’t that “their game”?
Plain quotation marks needed here.



KITSUNES

>and your experience with Kitsunes and their spellcasting, including your own.
Why must you wound me so?

>I have attempted to contact the kitsunes in the Deepwoods in the past.
How many will have to die for your sins?

>They might do it to hide themselves, to help their champion, or... just to have fun”
Period.

>You tell her you don’t exactly feel “possessed” when casting spells.
Regular quotation marks.

>“[name]... what if Corruption works on the same principle?”
You know the drill by now.

>Could it be that controlling Corruption is a mere farce?
I hope Evelyn reaps you for your sins.

>ones that have not been ravaged as this one.
"as this one is."

>becoming like holograms surrounding you and circe.
"becoming like three-dimensional images surrounding you and circe." because I doubt holograms exist in this time period.

>You marvel at the spectacle, and you quickly remember that this is the first time you’ve seen the stars - fake as they may be - ever since you left Ingnam.
"and you quickly remember" makes it sound like there is an urgency to it, "and it comes to mind" alleviates this and fits the tone of the scene much better.

>“The wizards were proud of their knowledge, but they were also proud of how they could hide it in plain sight”
Comma at the end.

>We may not be meant to know everything, but the point is ” - Circe stops for a moment, aware that she may have ruined her own message “- the point is that there were still things unknown, even for the old wizards. They weren’t omniscient. If they were, they would not have failed. We won’t, you won’t.”
Replace the space after "is" with either a period or ellipsis. Add a period after "message." Replace the comma after "won't" to make sound more meaningful.