Why do trees have so many friends? They branch out.#Don’t trust people that do acupuncture, they’re back stabbers.#What do you call a french pig? Porque.#What do you call a young musician? A minor.#I'm not gonna Raichu a love song#Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.#I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.#Several states were delighted by the solar eclipse.#My friends say they don’t like skeleton puns. I should put more backbone into them.#On Halloween October is nearly Octover.#Traveling on a flying carpet is a rugged experience.##The energizer bunny went to jail. He was charged with battery.#If I buy a bigger bed will I have more or less bedroom?#How do mountains see? They peak.#What do you receive when you ask a lemon for help? Lemonaid.#I met some aliens from outer space. They were pretty down to earth.#Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.#To write with a broken pencil is pointless.#Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.#The apple crossed the street because he wanted to get to the other cider the road.#Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.#This stream never makes me Drowzee#It's raining cats and dogs. Well, as long as it doesn't reindeer.#Could you call me on my Phione?#I wish I was adenine, then I could get paired with U.#What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.#If you said you were from South America, I would not Bolivia.#I smeared some ketchup all over my eyes once. It was a bad idea in Heinz- sight.#I turn on my Charmander pants come right off#When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.#Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.#Old skiers never die. They just go down hill.#When the scientist wanted to clone a deer, he bought a doe it yourself kit.#Can February March? No, but April May.#What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.#Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.#I wanted to say a pun too but he didn't Leavanny for the rest of us.#I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite… He said NaBrO#Don't ever have multiple people wash dishes together. It's hard for them to stay in sink.#Why is a skeleton a bad liar? You can see right through it.#I used to work at a hairdresser but i just wasn’t cut out for it.#Aladdin took Jasmine on a Magikarp-et ride#Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.#The boys Arbok in town#What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.#What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together? CSI#Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.#In order to talk to a viking you need to know Norse code.#What planet is like a circus? Saturn, it has three rings!#Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.#What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.#I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.#I heard Donald Trump is going to ban shredded cheese, and make America grate again.#Want to hear a pizza joke? Nevermind, it’s too cheesy.#The magazine about ceiling fans went out of business due to low circulation.#Hopefully this egg pun doesn't make your brain too fried or scrambled.#Imagine if alarm clocks hit you back in the morning.It would be truly alarming.#The bomb didn't want to go off. So it refused.#I never understood odorless chemicals, they never make scents.#What was Forrest Gump’s email password? 1forrest1.#Where do you imprison a skeleton? In a rib cage.#Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.#Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.#That Ghastly smell is coming from the toilet#I had a real problem making a hard-boiled egg this morning until I cracked it.#Police were called to a daycare yesterday, where a 2-year-old was resisting a rest.#Never discuss infinity with a mathematician, they can go on about it forever.#One hat says to the other, "You stay here, I’ll go on a head."#Snakes Swallot their prety whole#I used to Rhydon the bus but then I got my license#Under the doctor’s advice, the hen is laying off eggs for a few weeks.#Want to hear a pun about ghosts? That's the spirit!#Things made in Australia are high koala-ty.#This business Metang was very productive#Why couldn’t the dead car drive into the cluttered garage? Lack of vroom.#A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.#Never make fun of a Scotsman's traditional garb. You could get kilt that way.#Kakuna Rattata, what a wonderful phrase. It means no worries Forretress of your days#What do you call a young musician? A minor.#What should you do if you are cold? Stand in the corner. It’s 90 degrees.#I heard that the post office was a male dominated industry.#I would tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it.#These reversing cameras are great. Since I got one I haven’t looked back.#I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.#Get back to work. Don't Slakoth!#Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.#Lettuce take a moment to appreciate this salad pun.#In the early morning there's Dewgong the grass#After months of searching, they finally found the Sunkern ship 449#I used to go fishing with Skrillex but he kept dropping the bass.#I don't know any puns I Giratina#On a scale of 1 to 10, I rate Noah's Arcanine#Why do trees have so many friends? They branch out.#Why does the man want to buy nine rackets? Cause tennis too many.#Read enough of our funny puns, and you'll be punstoppable.#Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?#What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales.#These puns raised Mesprit a bit#Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.#People using umbrellas always seem to be under the weather.#Some aquatic mammals at the zoo escaped. It was otter chaos.#Eskimos keep all of their chilled eggs inside of the egg-loo.#What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms? 2 Na#I told my friend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.#I'm hungry, let me go grab Gabite#What's a pirate's favourite pokemon? Gengarrr!#Why isn’t suntanning an Olympic sport? Because the best you can ever get is bronze.#Don’t judge a meal by the look of the first course. It’s very souperficial.#What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales.#Santa Delibirds gifts#What do you mean June is over? Julying.#These puns have made my mind Exploud#The soundtrack for Blackfish was orcastrated.#Pig puns are so boaring.#I touched an electric eel the other day. It was shocking.#I asked my friend, Nick, if he had 5 cents I could borrow. But he was Nicholas.#I feel sorry for shopping carts. They’re always getting pushed around.#Garbage collectors are rubbish drivers!#Puns this good were certainly Onix-pected#When kissing flowers, tulips are better than one.#The future,the present and the past walked into a bar.Things got a little tense.#Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"#After eating the ship, the sea monster said, I can’t believe I ate the hull thing.#If I got paid in lots of Pennes I would make loads of pasta.#Let me FILL you in on my trip to the dentist.#What happens to nitrogen when the sun comes up? It becomes daytrogen.#Don't Weedle in more Pokémon puns into this conversation#How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.#A good meteor shower can really rock your world.#I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.#A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".#I decided not to go to Pisa, but I was leaning towards it.#People say i look better without glasses but i just can't see it.#Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na#What does Superman have in his drink? Just ice.#I used to make clown shoes… which was no small feat.#Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.#Never gonna let Mew down#The wedding was so emotional even the cake was in tiers.#How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.#The first drinking establishment in Alaska was a polar bar.#Novice pirates make terrible singers because they can’t hit the high seas.#The lumberjack loved his new computer. He especially enjoyed logging in.#What’s it called when you have too many aliens? Extraterrestrials.#The show was called Spongebob Squarepants but everyone knows the star was Patrick.#It's a lengthy article on Japanese Sword Fighters but I can Samurais it for you.#We probably won't find any new puns, people already Rotom all.#Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.#These puns have my Seel of approval#I'd make a Pokepun but then I'd have to roll-out of here.#Is your refrigerator running? Better go catch it.#The Pokeband Durant Durant made top-selling charts with their hot new single "All you need is Mew"#I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.#The safe was invented by a cop and a robber. It was quite a combination.#After bumping into a whale, the dolphin apologised and said "I didn't do it on purpoise"#The chickens were distraught when the tornado destroyed their home. Hopefully they will be able to recoup.#I, for one, like Roman numerals.#What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.#You know why I like egg puns? They crack me up!#My fear of roses is a thorny issue. I'm not sure what it stems from, but it seems likely I'll be stuck with it.#The old woman who lived in a shoe wasn’t the sole owner,there were strings attached.#Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.#A doctor broke his leg while auditioning for a play.Luckily he still made the cast.#The man who ate too many eggs was considered to be an egg-oholic.#I tried to stop the bleeding, but all of my efforts were in vein.#Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.#A cell ran into the end table and yelled "mytoechondria!"#The candle quit his job because he felt burned out.#If artists wear sketchers do linguists wear converse?#Audino any more good puns#Are you sick? I heard you Koffing from the other room#I Luvdisc thing we've got going on#I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.#Why is Kylo Ren so angry? Beause he’s always Ben Solo.#I really look up to my tall friends.#The chicken coop only had 2 doors since if it had 4 doors it would be a sedan.#What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.#A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.#I still had some Snubbull after shaving#You will address me as "Sir", because Omanyte of the round table#Two ropes were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-frayed.#I owe a lot to the sidewalks. They’ve been keeping me off the streets for years.#I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.#Yesterday a clown held the door for me. It was a nice jester.#Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just couldn't put it down.#Don't let life get you a little Gloom#Before my father died he worked in a circus as a stilt walker. I used to look up to him.#It takes guts to make a sausage.#That reckless little egg always seems to egg-celerate when he sees the light turn yellow.#Ekans see where you're going with this#The chicken knew the first leg of his trip would take him to Buffalo. From there he would wing it.#Did you hear about the circus that caught on fire? It was in tents.#I cannot Bayleef it is not butter! Guess that means it's Butterfree.#The scarecrow get promoted because he was outstanding in his field.#There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don’t.#I hate negative numbers and will stop at nothing to avoid them.#Is he wearing Abra?#Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.#I took a Pikachu in the shower this morning#What happened when the magician got mad? She pulled her hare out!#England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool#What do you call a line of rabbits marching backwards? A receding hairline.#It takes a lot of Braviary to utter a pun#The display of still-life art was not at all moving!#A backwards poem writes inverse.#Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.#What do you do when balloons are hurt? You helium.#Why can’t you take inventory in Afghanistan? Because of the tally ban.#Making fun of a tree is a knock on wood.#Don’t trust people that do acupuncture, they’re back stabbers.#The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.#I had a pun about insanity but then I lost it.#The plane flight brought my acrophobia to new heights.#What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.#Baby, I wish I were DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.#How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it.#Why can't bicycles stand up on their own? Since they are 2 tired.#The tale of the haunted refrigerator was chilling.#Crossing a cement mixer and a chicken will result in you getting a brick layer.#The first duck wouldn't go in the water. The other duck said "What are you, chicken?".#Did you hear about the man who got killed by a bear? It was a grizzly death.#The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.#Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!#Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.#The earth's rotation really makes my day.#You know the problem with grapes these days. People just aren't raisin them right.#I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it.#Thanks to my doctor, my Hypno longer hurts#The Irish should be rich because their capital is always Dublin.#Dunsparce's evolution should be named Dunplenty#Several states were delighted by the solar eclipse.#I think I Fraxured my funny bone.#How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.#I thought I saw a spider on my laptop, but my friend said it was just a bug.#On Halloween October is nearly Octover.#Why did the lion eat the tightrope walker? He wanted a well-balanced meal!#I ordered a book of puns last week, but i didn't get it.#Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.#My favourite travel destination is Paras#Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine.#The shovel was a ground breaking invention.#I was accused of being a plagiarist, their word not mine.#So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means? It’s not the end of the world!#Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.#These puns... Don't you Diglett#Ho-oh's favourite drink is hydrogen peroxide#Why are there fences on graveyards? Because people are dying to get in.#I flipped a coin over an issue the other day, it was quite the toss-up.#Why do trees have so many friends? They branch out.#Why didn’t the lion win the race? Because he was racing a cheetah.#There is no Shaymin trying to find a new pun.#What do you do to an open wardrobe? You closet.#What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.#A persistent banker wouldn’t stop hitting on me so I asked him to leave me a loan.#I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.#I make bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon#A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."#Why don’t vampires go to barbecues? They don’t like steak.#Circling vultures are a dead giveaway.#Did you hear about the invention of the white board? It was remarkable.#Simba, you're falling behind. I must ask you to Mufasa.#An untalented gymast walks into a bar.#What do you call Samsung's security guards? Guardians of the Galaxy.#I got hit in the head with a can of soda? Luckily it was a soft drink.#A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."#I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.#What kind of bears dissolve in water? Polar bears.#Did you hear about the mushroom? He's a fun guy#How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.#I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang but it came back to me.#I can't find my rutabaga. I hope it will turnip.#When the church relocated it had an organ transplant.#How do fish keep up with what's going on? They listen to the current news.#Television sets in Britain have to cross the English Channel.#Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.#The best time of day to eat eggs is at the crack of dawn.#All the hens consider the chef to be very mean because he beats the eggs.#He couldn’t work out how to fix the washing machine so he threw in the towel.#What does a dog say when he sits down on a piece of sandpaper? Ruff!#There’s a fine line between the numerator and the denominator.#How do mountains see? They peak.#At my boxing club there is only one punch bag. I hate waiting for the punch line!#Did you hear about the human cannonball? Too bad he got fired!#What does a house wear? A dress.#This is an Absol-utely brilliant idea#Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.#The tallest building in the city is the library because it has so many stories.#Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.#A photographer was great at botany because he knew photo synthesis.#I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.#What do you call a sour orange that was late to school? Tarty!#If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.#The sore mummy needed a Cairo-practor#I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.#I'm not gonna Raichu a love song#How do trees access the internet? They log on.#These puns have left me Wheezing with laughter#Did you know a storm of Pokémon is called a Pokémonsoon?#This is not alcohol, water you thinking?!#Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who visited 30 different countries and spoke 6 languages? He was a man of many cultures.#What do you call a snake that studies past events? A hissssstorian#Did you hear about the pun that was actually funny? Neither have we.#If people ask how many puns I made in Germany I reply, "nein"#Machamp's gonna Throh you some puns#When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.#My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.#My friends say they don’t like skeleton puns. I should put more backbone into them.#Models of dragons are not to scale.#I read a book on anti-gravity. I couldn’t put it down.#Traveling on a flying carpet is a rugged experience.#After visiting the pyramids, I've been cursed by the Fearow#What’s america’s favorite soda? Mini soda.#One of the best drinking game rules I have ever heard was you had to say a Pokemon name in every sentence. Farfetched right?#Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.#I lost a Sawk in the washing machine#What kind of car does a sheep drive? Their SuBAHHru.#What happens when you eat too many spaghettiOs? You have a vowel movement.#What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.#Why was dumbo sad? He felt irrelephant.#Why shouldn’t you trust atoms? They make up everything.#After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.#A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!#Our maintenance guy lost his legs on the job, now he’s just a handyman.#What do you call a french pig? Porque.#I haven't heard a pun in Mawhile#Britain is a wet place since the queen has had a long reign.#Why does the singer of Cheap Thrills not want us to Sia?#I got a master’s degree in being ignored; no one seems to care.#The tree that was creating energy was turned into a power-plant.#What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.#I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.#What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.#What room has no floors, no ceiling and no walls? A mushroom!#Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.#Why is metal and a microwave a match made in heaven? When they met, sparks flew.#I hate Russian Dolls, they are so full of themselves.#Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.#These puns make me Shuckle#Sausage puns are the wurst.#I bought a wooden whistle but it wooden whistle.#Q: Why are flowers so hated by people? A: They have a certain stigma about them.#My new diet consists of aircraft, its a bit plane.#Let me Raichu some puns.#A hen will always leave her house through the proper eggs-it.#What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? HeHe#My phone has to wear glasses ever since it lost its contacts.#What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.#What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.#Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.#Going to bed with music on gave him sound sleep.#I Marill bad judge of puns#Isn't the Grand Canyon just gorges?#If you wear cowboy clothes are you ranch dressing?#How about the chemical workers… are they unionized?#There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.#If Donald Trump becomes president, America is going toupee.#Have you ever tried to milk a cow which has been cut in half? Udder madness.#I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me.#What did the alien say to the pitcher of water? Take me to your liter.#What do you call crystal clear urine? 1080pee.#I dissected an iris today. It was an eye-opening experience.#A cell ran into the end table and yelled "mytoechondria!"#How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.#I was addicted to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around.#She asked Furret.#Although I like hard rock, sometimes I want to listen to Solrock#Learning to sleep upside down is often hard for baby bats, but they soon get the hang of it.#What’s it called when you put a cow in an elevator? Raising the steaks.#Tota#On land crabs tend to use the sidewalk.#A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.#What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.#The one day of the week that eggs are definitely afraid of is Fry-day.#Q: What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome? A: Pull down its genes!#If you send a letter to the Philippines put it in a Manila envelope.#What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.#Why is metal and a microwave a match made in heaven? When they met, sparks flew.#How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.#Did you hear about the mushroom? He's a fun guy#What do you do when balloons are hurt? You helium.#Did you hear about the human cannonball? Too bad he got fired!#I tried to stop the bleeding, but all of my efforts were in vein.#Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"#Puns this good were certainly Onix-pected#What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.#Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.#I ordered a book of puns last week, but i didn't get it.#What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.#I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.#Want to hear a pizza joke? Nevermind, it’s too cheesy.#How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.#The tale of the haunted refrigerator was chilling.#What happens when you eat too many spaghettiOs? You have a vowel movement.#The old woman who lived in a shoe wasn’t the sole owner,there were strings attached.#Let me FILL you in on my trip to the dentist.#These puns make me Shuckle#Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.#Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.#What does Superman have in his drink? Just ice.#How much does the Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood BDs cost? An arm and a leg#What do you call Samsung's security guards? Guardians of the Galaxy.#Q: What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome? A: Pull down its genes!#What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.#A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."#I Marill bad judge of puns#Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.#I got a master’s degree in being ignored; no one seems to care.#Let me Raichu some puns.#I lost a Sawk in the washing machine#Why are there fences on graveyards? Because people are dying to get in.#When the scientist wanted to clone a deer, he bought a doe it yourself kit.#This stream never makes me Drowzee#What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.#Baby, I wish I were DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.#Did you hear about the pun that was actually funny? Neither have we.#So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means? It’s not the end of the world!#I read a book on anti-gravity. I couldn’t put it down.#What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.#It takes guts to make a sausage.#At my boxing club there is only one punch bag. I hate waiting for the punch line!#What did Hashirama say to Madara? Did you get the messages I senju.#Can February March? No, but April May.#Before my father died he worked in a circus as a stilt walker. I used to look up to him.#A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."#I smeared some ketchup all over my eyes once. It was a bad idea in Heinz- sight.#Aladdin took Jasmine on a Magikarp-et ride#I bought a wooden whistle but it wooden whistle.#Are you sick? I heard you Koffing from the other room#A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".#Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.#This is not alcohol, water you thinking?!#It takes a lot of Braviary to utter a pun#A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.#One of the best drinking game rules I have ever heard was you had to say a Pokemon name in every sentence. Farfetched right?#I had a pun about insanity but then I lost it.#Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C and still be 0k?#Why do trees have so many friends? They branch out.#What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.#What do you call a line of rabbits marching backwards? A receding hairline.#What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales.#I still had some Snubbull after shaving#If you wear cowboy clothes are you ranch dressing?#I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang but it came back to me.#Lettuce take a moment to appreciate this salad pun.#Why isn’t suntanning an Olympic sport? Because the best you can ever get is bronze.#Is he wearing Abra?#How do mountains see? They peak.#What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.#How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.#A photographer was great at botany because he knew photo synthesis.#A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.#What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.#It's raining cats and dogs. Well, as long as it doesn't reindeer.#I owe a lot to the sidewalks. They’ve been keeping me off the streets for years.#I was accused of being a plagiarist, their word not mine.#Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who visited 30 different countries and spoke 6 languages? He was a man of many cultures.#The apple crossed the street because he wanted to get to the other cider the road.#I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.#Circling vultures are a dead giveaway.#The energizer bunny went to jail. He was charged with battery.#What do you call crystal clear urine? 1080pee.#Read enough of our funny puns, and you'll be punstoppable.#I used to Rhydon the bus but then I got my license#The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.#Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.#I make bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon#Why can't bicycles stand up on their own? Since they are 2 tired.#I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.#I really look up to my tall friends.#To write with a broken pencil is pointless.#The best time of day to eat eggs is at the crack of dawn.#I, for one, like Roman numerals.#I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.#The plane flight brought my acrophobia to new heights.#If Donald Trump becomes president, America is going toupee.#Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.#I feel sorry for shopping carts. They’re always getting pushed around.#Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.#Why does the singer of Cheap Thrills not want us to Sia?#I decided not to go to Pisa, but I was leaning towards it.#Under the doctor’s advice, the hen is laying off eggs for a few weeks.#Why don’t vampires go to barbecues? They don’t like steak.#I would tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it.#These puns have my Seel of approval#I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.#Two ropes were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-frayed.#These reversing cameras are great. Since I got one I haven’t looked back.#Things made in Australia are high koala-ty.#Q: Why are flowers so hated by people? A: They have a certain stigma about them.#If you send a letter to the Philippines put it in a Manila envelope.#What room has no floors, no ceiling and no walls? A mushroom!#Where do you imprison a skeleton? In a rib cage.#What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.#Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.#The one day of the week that eggs are definitely afraid of is Fry-day.#Santa Delibirds gifts#I asked my friend, Nick, if he had 5 cents I could borrow. But he was Nicholas.#I think I Fraxured my funny bone.#I cannot Bayleef it is not butter! Guess that means it's Butterfree.#Don’t judge a meal by the look of the first course. It’s very souperficial.#The wedding was so emotional even the cake was in tiers.#A persistent banker wouldn’t stop hitting on me so I asked him to leave me a loan.#I Luvdisc thing we've got going on#Simba, you're falling behind. I must ask you to Mufasa.#Pig puns are so boaring.#I don't know any puns I Giratina#When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.#A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!#Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.#The sore mummy needed a Cairo-practor#Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na#My fear of roses is a thorny issue. I'm not sure what it stems from, but it seems likely I'll be stuck with it.#Sausage puns are the wurst.#When kissing flowers, tulips are better than one.#A cell ran into the end table and yelled "mytoechondria!"#There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don’t.#The future,the present and the past walked into a bar.Things got a little tense.#What happened when the magician got mad? She pulled her hare out!#I touched an electric eel the other day. It was shocking.#Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.#I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.#Could you call me on my Phione?#How about the chemical workers… are they unionized?#I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.#Get back to work. Don't Slakoth!#England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool#What do you mean June is over? Julying.#What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? HeHe#The chicken coop only had 2 doors since if it had 4 doors it would be a sedan.#My favourite travel destination is Paras#A good meteor shower can really rock your world.#What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.#Police were called to a daycare yesterday, where a 2-year-old was resisting a rest.#In the early morning there's Dewgong the grass#You know why I like egg puns? They crack me up!#Ho-oh's favourite drink is hydrogen peroxide#What did the alien say to the pitcher of water? Take me to your liter.#Ekans see where you're going with this#I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me.#Garbage collectors are rubbish drivers!#I'm hungry, let me go grab Gabite#Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.#The bomb didn't want to go off. So it refused.#Imagine if alarm clocks hit you back in the morning.It would be truly alarming.#Never make fun of a Scotsman's traditional garb. You could get kilt that way.#How do mountains see? They peak.#If I got paid in lots of Pennes I would make loads of pasta.#Models of dragons are not to scale.#This business Metang was very productive#Why couldn’t the dead car drive into the cluttered garage? Lack of vroom.#Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.#The chickens were distraught when the tornado destroyed their home. Hopefully they will be able to recoup.#These puns have made my mind Exploud#Britain is a wet place since the queen has had a long reign.#Snakes Swallot their prety whole#After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.#The first duck wouldn't go in the water. The other duck said "What are you, chicken?".#I used to make clown shoes… which was no small feat.#People say i look better without glasses but i just can't see it.#Why did the lion eat the tightrope walker? He wanted a well-balanced meal!#My new diet consists of aircraft, its a bit plane.#The show was called Spongebob Squarepants but everyone knows the star was Patrick.#What do you receive when you ask a lemon for help? Lemonaid.#What was Forrest Gump’s email password? 1forrest1.#A doctor broke his leg while auditioning for a play.Luckily he still made the cast.#On a scale of 1 to 10, I rate Noah's Arcanine#How does Kagome wash her clothes? Inuwasha#I had a real problem making a hard-boiled egg this morning until I cracked it.#I wish I was adenine, then I could get paired with U.#That reckless little egg always seems to egg-celerate when he sees the light turn yellow.#How do trees access the internet? They log on.#Hopefully this egg pun doesn't make your brain too fried or scrambled.#Why shouldn’t you trust atoms? They make up everything.#How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.#What does a dog say when he sits down on a piece of sandpaper? Ruff!#After bumping into a whale, the dolphin apologised and said "I didn't do it on purpoise"#The shovel was a ground breaking invention.#What’s it called when you have too many aliens? Extraterrestrials.#If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.#I heard that the post office was a male dominated industry.#Why was dumbo sad? He felt irrelephant.#Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.#How does Lee finish putting on his suit? With his Tie-jutsu...#That Ghastly smell is coming from the toilet#The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.#The first drinking establishment in Alaska was a polar bar.#Why does the man want to buy nine rackets? Cause tennis too many.#I got hit in the head with a can of soda? Luckily it was a soft drink.#Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!#Why didn’t the lion win the race? Because he was racing a cheetah.#The candle quit his job because he felt burned out.#The lumberjack loved his new computer. He especially enjoyed logging in.#Crossing a cement mixer and a chicken will result in you getting a brick layer.#How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it.#Dunsparce's evolution should be named Dunplenty#What kind of bears dissolve in water? Polar bears.#A hen will always leave her house through the proper eggs-it.#What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms? 2 Na#Some aquatic mammals at the zoo escaped. It was otter chaos.#What happens to nitrogen when the sun comes up? It becomes daytrogen.#After eating the ship, the sea monster said, I can’t believe I ate the hull thing.#Isn't the Grand Canyon just gorges?#I wanted to say a pun too but he didn't Leavanny for the rest of us.#The Irish should be rich because their capital is always Dublin.#A backwards poem writes inverse.#If artists wear sketchers do linguists wear converse?#Have you ever tried to milk a cow which has been cut in half? Udder madness.#Novice pirates make terrible singers because they can’t hit the high seas.#What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales.#How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.#All the hens consider the chef to be very mean because he beats the eggs.#Why is Kylo Ren so angry? Beause he’s always Ben Solo.#I haven't heard a pun in Mawhile#Going to bed with music on gave him sound sleep.#Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just couldn't put it down.#I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it.#You know the problem with grapes these days. People just aren't raisin them right.#If you said you were from South America, I would not Bolivia.#My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.#I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.#Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.#When the church relocated it had an organ transplant.#When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.#The man who ate too many eggs was considered to be an egg-oholic.#Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.#What should you do if you are cold? Stand in the corner. It’s 90 degrees.#We probably won't find any new puns, people already Rotom all.#what do you call an anniversary that happens in may? An Anni-may#Kakuna Rattata, what a wonderful phrase. It means no worries Forretress of your days#The tree that was creating energy was turned into a power-plant.#What’s it called when you put a cow in an elevator? Raising the steaks.#What do you call a snake that studies past events? A hissssstorian#The chicken knew the first leg of his trip would take him to Buffalo. From there he would wing it.#What do you do to an open wardrobe? You closet.#My phone has to wear glasses ever since it lost its contacts.#A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.#There’s a fine line between the numerator and the denominator.#If people ask how many puns I made in Germany I reply, "nein"#The Pokeband Durant Durant made top-selling charts with their hot new single "All you need is Mew"#I hate Russian Dolls, they are so full of themselves.#The scarecrow get promoted because he was outstanding in his field.#Don't ever have multiple people wash dishes together. It's hard for them to stay in sink.#What's a pirate's favourite pokemon? Gengarrr!#Yesterday a clown held the door for me. It was a nice jester.#Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.#My favourite anime, Deaf Note, is about young Beethoven facing the infamous Mozart in a battle of music.#What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.#These puns have left me Wheezing with laughter#Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.#Don't let life get you a little Gloom#I turn on my Charmander pants come right off#A cell ran into the end table and yelled "mytoechondria!"#Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine.#What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.#There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.#It's a lengthy article on Japanese Sword Fighters but I can Samurais it for you.#What does a house wear? A dress.#I used to work at a hairdresser but i just wasn’t cut out for it.#Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.#I was addicted to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around.#These puns raised Mesprit a bit#The earth's rotation really makes my day.#I told my friend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.#Did you hear about the man who got killed by a bear? It was a grizzly death.#People using umbrellas always seem to be under the weather.#The magazine about ceiling fans went out of business due to low circulation.#I used to go fishing with Skrillex but he kept dropping the bass.#Why can’t you take inventory in Afghanistan? Because of the tally ban.#In order to talk to a viking you need to know Norse code.#I flipped a coin over an issue the other day, it was quite the toss-up.#Never discuss infinity with a mathematician, they can go on about it forever.#He couldn’t work out how to fix the washing machine so he threw in the towel.#I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.#Is your refrigerator running? Better go catch it.#Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.#What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.#What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together? CSI#Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.#Our maintenance guy lost his legs on the job, now he’s just a handyman.#There is no Shaymin trying to find a new pun.#Although I like hard rock, sometimes I want to listen to Solrock#I'd make a Pokepun but then I'd have to roll-out of here.#You will address me as "Sir", because Omanyte of the round table#How do fish keep up with what's going on? They listen to the current news.#Thanks to my doctor, my Hypno longer hurts#The tallest building in the city is the library because it has so many stories.#What do you call a sour orange that was late to school? Tarty!#The boys Arbok in town#Old skiers never die. They just go down hill.#Audino any more good puns#I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.#I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite… He said NaBrO#The soundtrack for Blackfish was orcastrated.#Making fun of a tree is a knock on wood.#What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.#She asked Furret.#Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.#I heard Donald Trump is going to ban shredded cheese, and make America grate again.#Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.#I took a Pikachu in the shower this morning#The display of still-life art was not at all moving!#If I buy a bigger bed will I have more or less bedroom?#This is an Absol-utely brilliant idea#There's an anime about Okabe useing a washing machine to send clothes to the past. It's called Stains;Gate.#I dissected an iris today. It was an eye-opening experience.#The safe was invented by a cop and a robber. It was quite a combination.#After visiting the pyramids, I've been cursed by the Fearow#These puns... Don't you Diglett#I thought I saw a spider on my laptop, but my friend said it was just a bug.#Don't Weedle in more Pokémon puns into this conversation#What’s america’s favorite soda? Mini soda.#Did you hear about the circus that caught on fire? It was in tents.#What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.#Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.#I hate negative numbers and will stop at nothing to avoid them.#What kind of car does a sheep drive? Their SuBAHHru.#An untalented gymast walks into a bar.#Television sets in Britain have to cross the English Channel.#After months of searching, they finally found the Sunkern ship 449#Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.#Never gonna let Mew down#Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.#Did you hear about the invention of the white board? It was remarkable.#One hat says to the other, "You stay here, I’ll go on a head."#I met some aliens from outer space. They were pretty down to earth.#Did you know a storm of Pokémon is called a Pokémonsoon?#Learning to sleep upside down is often hard for baby bats, but they soon get the hang of it.#Want to hear a pun about ghosts? That's the spirit!#Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.#Eskimos keep all of their chilled eggs inside of the egg-loo.#I never understood odorless chemicals, they never make scents.#Why is a skeleton a bad liar? You can see right through it.#Machamp's gonna Throh you some puns#I can't find my rutabaga. I hope it will turnip.#What's a Titan's favorite meal? Raw-men#What planet is like a circus? Saturn, it has three rings!#On land crabs tend to use the sidewalk.