I love you I'm sorry I didn't mean to get upset and accuse you of anything. I just need a little more than irrelevant emojis in response you feel me 😿 I don't care anymore and I just love you and I'm sorry for making a fuss
9:11 PM

happy 9/11 never forget
9:13 PM

😩💦🔥✈💥🌇💨
10:55 PM

I really miss you
10:56 PM

it hurts like, inside my chest for some reason 😿 idk how to make it feel better
J
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Hey
11:04 PM
J
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I'm about to leave to go back to my dad's house
11:04 PM
11:05 PM

k drive safe 🐶✅🚂 beep beep
J
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That is a train
11:48 PM
J
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I got eclipse glasses by the way
11:48 PM
J
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So I can see the eclipse tomorrow morning
11:49 PM
8/21/2017
12:06 AM

oh cool, I should probably get some too. I'm really excited I forgot those existed I was just gonna burn my eyes out
12:06 AM

where did u get them
J
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A friend of a friend had them
12:06 AM
J
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But almost all the department stores and 7/11s had them before they sold out
12:07 AM
J
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Don't burn your eyes though
12:07 AM
J
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It's not worth it
12:07 AM
J
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I'm go i ng to sleep now, trying to get a full nights sleep before the eclipse
12:07 AM
12:10 AM

oh ok bye
J
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Goodnight
12:10 AM
12:10 AM

yeah
12:14 AM

Honestly Jess I feel like you totally stonewalled me today and are continuing to do so and I just need reciprocation and some love and I'm sitting here feeling like my heart is bleeding everywhere
12:15 AM

it's horrible and I have no one at all to reach out to or any thing to do about it. I just have to sit here while my chest keeps feeling heavier
12:16 AM

oh well I guess I dug my own grave I should lay in it now and lick my wounds alone kind of thing
12:25 AM

I just want to feel cared about and included sometimes. I don't feel like you at all acknowledged or addressed what happened today and those paragraphs I typed.
12:27 AM
call_made

Call made

12:27 AM

I didn't mean to call you I'm sorry
12:29 AM

I feel completely overlooked and forgottenabout. I don't want to bring excess attention to a negatively perceived situation but I'd really appreciate being heard on it and reassured if you can understand where I'm coming from and want to help get over it
12:32 AM

I mean I'm trying my best but it's a two way street I don't like having to constantly apologize and trip over my words because I don't feel valid enough to speak up when I'm hurt or say it badly and I'm really sorry if I throw around accusations I'm not trying to
J
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Now is really not the time Mely, I am in bed and very tired
12:33 AM
J
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And I didn't contact anyone today other than my mother
12:33 AM
12:34 AM

I know I'm sorry I didn't mean to bug you and I'm trying to cope with this on my own I didn't think it would be a bother
12:35 AM

I just want to feel close to you and mutually cared about and when there are whole days you just shut me out or stonewall me it hurts a lot.
12:39 AM

I love you so much and worry about you and are interested in your life and how you're feeling and what you're experiencing and I know I should leave you to it but just give me updates because I'm always eager and happy to be let in
12:45 AM

between my friends deserting me over that misunderstanding, my sister totally cutting me off and my mom being as invalidating as she usually is...it's hard to deal with also feeling detached from you. like I'm losing everyone.
12:49 AM

I know we're together and better days will come to work on feeling close and I should be patient and look forward to the personal time we will be spending together when life permits it...but...I just need something to get me there so it doesn't feel like I'm the only one who values having a connection in the meantime
12:59 AM

I know I need more reassurance and reminders than normal people and you have trouble being expressive but I get that.
1:00 AM

I'm trying to accept it a lot more because it's not like it will change on your end. I want to love and honor this about you unconditionally. bpd makes it hard to see your side but I can try right ? I feel I have a
duty to as an emotionally sensitive person
1:07 AM

even a nonsensical text from you can convey closeness and spontaneous bonding :3 please don't feel like you have a duty to report to me EVER, but let me be your cheerleader. I love you and I'm proud of you, just give me an in to show it. I wanna be in your corner and make sure I support you on anything you might need it with.
1:07 AM

I feel like a little bit of communication goes a long way for igniting the happy and supportive gf in me instead of worry or me trying to push away my feelings
1:09 AM

I love you and if you don't reciprocate or bring forth another type of care/affection then okay, I'm okay with that. I typed a lot and like you said, now isn't the time, later or immediately soon after might not be it either.
1:11 AM

please don't take what I'm saying the wrong way. I don't wanna attack you, accuse you, I don't wanna change you, I just want to feel like an equal part in this.
1:14 AM

I wish how much I loved you could speak for the both of us and how affectionate I feel towards you could also fill up my cup in terms of intimacy. it does a lot and I don't mind at all usually. I have enough love to go around and maybe I need to try stretching it further because I'm probably attributing more importance to my feelings and how lonely I feel rather than your situation. I'm sorry I don't have perspective but I'm trying and learning every day
1:18 AM

😔 I'm sorry I get so wrapped up in feelings and semantics that it's overwhelming. I psych myself up too just by dwelling, rehashing and trying to justify. I'm trying to be less polarizing. I'm just laying it out and want to be honest and I hope you can appreciate it. it doesn't need reciprocation just acceptance and acknowledgement. I just want to be heard and
know I'm valued and cared about still
1:20 AM

If we don't talk until then and you don't have time to address any of this in any capacity then I just wanna say that I'm still excited for the eclipse and I wish we could watch it together with some drinks and nice music :3
1:24 AM

sorry for the spam I'm honestly sorry. I don't want to bother after saying goodbyes but it's not pressing and I'm not trying to harass you, I just want to get it out because today was hard for reasons unrelated to us. the stuf that is related just seems to hurt more and I don't know how else to deal other than being open and honest
1:25 AM read

😿😽💋 if you can't attend to me it's okay i don't wanna put pressure. I still love you and I'll be here when you want me