collection of discord thoughts, frustrations i don't know what to do about

- first and foremost big problem: talk to your fucking therapists! my server is not a free alternative to professional services, and i'm really irritated when it gets used as such because NO ONE HERE is qualified to be that substitute. things happen to all of us and we wanna get something off our chests, that's different from repeatedly referencing things like suicide and violent impulses and other shit that nobody here is equipped to help with. please stop putting me in a position where i could be held liable for seeing a warning sign and doing nothing about it and TALK TO YOUR THERAPISTS about serious issues, especially criminal issues like child abuse and other violent shit

- i'm turning 29 in july. i've been in internet communities since i was 11 and moderating them since i was 13. i am completely done with devoting time and energy to persistent community modding, and that includes this server. i'm sorry, but i do not have the energy to mediate anyone's interpersonal drama, and yet that responsibility is still placed on me when this server is used as a battlefield for it. i am really tired of getting dramatic server exit PMs from people and also tired of looking in the mod channels and seeing one of my best friends has left. i hoped when this server became more community-oriented that everyone could self-police respect of each other's space, and that clearly has not been the case after a series of dramatic server exits. i'm sick of it and all it does is stress me out and make me feel obligated to deal with shit i have zero interest in being involved in. how do other streamers manage to have minimally moderated discords where this shit doesn't happen and what makes mine different? two of my friends external to this server had a falling out that ive passively been in the middle of (full extent: me: "this is why friend A did this" friend B: "oh ok, i see") and even that's too much for me. so when my close friends have drama that involves something belonging to me, all it does is make me not want to be close to anyone anymore so it never has to come to my doorstep at all. i just do not have the energy for it, maybe that makes me weak or cowardly or a bad friend or whatever but it is what it is and i don't care anymore, i am just completely done

- i feel like the place has become kind of... cliquey? sometimes. idk if that's the right word. there's over 200 members here and i feel like only 10 or so actively participate. i even feel like an outsider here a lot of the time and that's kinda extreme. i imagine many other idlers probably feel the same way too if the server owner does. it can be kinda hard to jump in when an established friend group is constantly dominating #general or when 90% of the messages in #venting-serious are coming from one person. idk what to really do about that because many of y'all have found a home here and i think that's a good thing that i would hate to take away. i just dunno how to make it more open, for a public server

i can't believe i am even at a point where i need to write this, this isnt what i signed up for when i made this server, when i first made this server it was because grass suggested i do it (who has since removed himself after being told that his oppression olympics in #venting-serious were not alright, boy how the times do change) and i mostly just hung out here with my handful of like 5-6 closest friends, almost all of whom are either now inactive or absent... idk if it's because of how minimally i moderate the server or if it's because of not fitting in with the most active members here or if it's just disinterest in discord social servers in general, idk. but this isn't really what i wanted out of a stream discord and i dunno what to do about it

current ideas:

- delete #venting-serious. dunno about this, but i dont feel like that channel's being really appropriately used. but then how do i stop its issues from spilling into #general?
- integrate the discord more with my stream. idk how to really do this. i feel like i could stand to create some sub perks and shit like that, but i've been too busy with my side business as of late (as well as being pretty sick and sleeping for 10 hours after work) to even stream very often (just in case anyone needed more confirmation that i quite literally do not have the energy to shoulder anyone's drama). anyone got suggestions?
- more activites and stuff that can involve more people that doesnt require already being friends with everyone else? idk what examples of that would be
- i think daily about nuking the server bc it's just gone so far removed from what i can deal with, but i feel like a new server will only grow to have the same issues