Thread 15: Stories 76-91

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>29
"Zecora"
~~~~

>You know, that isn't comforting me... at all.

From behind what had to be a boulder in a weight class ranging of at least six tonnes, she simply shrugged.

"Safety is a concern, for both you and me. While medical knowledge is a boon, my insides I do not wish to see."

>Again, not helpful. I was unconscious for a couple hours last time I tried to grab the bubble thing.

"My skill are too great, so great I lost track. It was merely supposed to be a channel, not a way to attack. The power that flowed through you was out of control, but thankfully the strain on your body was not a huge toll."

>So, it should be safe now.

"I fear the word safe is a bit strong for this moment. But I have worked hard for this chance at atonement."

>Okay, if you say so-HNNNNGGGGGHHH

The light show, thankfully, only lasted about ten minutes this time before a stray shot ricocheted the bubble-walker out of his grip.

"...Shoot."

>Albalaman...

"I really do have to apologize, I thought for sure this balance would be a fair compromise."

>I taste copper.

"I do believe perhaps a bit more work is in order. You may need to ascend more spirits before you can use the powers of a warder."

>My heart feels like I ate it.

"Help more children on their journey home, and free them from the bonds of an eternal roam. Their numbers reduced, you will find an easier time. Their power brought low, your own may climb."

>...So, do what I've been doing.

"Exactly."

>Well, that's helpful.

"I try, don't sigh.
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>Chrysalis
"Twilight Sparkle"
'18

~~~~~

>So why have you brought me down here to see your little ol' Sparklebutt? I was going to have a nice little chat with sneaky Applejack here, when you so impatiently grabbed us both?

"I've done it! It's taken me weeks but I have found an algorithm that should be able to translate your language!"

>... really now...

"Yes its about to finish translating the text and I wanted you here to see this.

>...

'How long have you been working on this?'

"A week! With no sleep! I've had 56 bring me coffee every hour in exchange for a butt snuggle every time he came back... Don't gimme that look it was worth it!"

>...

"I-I just need to get a camera! I want to see the look on your face forever!"

'She's just vanished... no flash... that was kinda creepy...'

>Eh hem.

'My Que-... Is that...'

>...A cup of chitin booty black smoking hot brain booster... nope.

'P-put that down. Y-you're not supposed to have that!'

>You mean I'm not supposed to be taking a... very... long... sip?

*Slap*
*Splash*
*BZZZT*

"Ok I got it! Just let me..."

*BZZT!*

>I'll just take that from you and...

*Flash*

>There we go! A sweet memory to hang on the wall... Well it's been fun Twilight Sparkle, but me and 18 need to get back to the Empire. Ta~taa!

"B-but... my..."

~~~~~~~

>18... I want you to burn these when we get back. And do it quietly, understood?

"Are these... These are her notes on our language! When did you..."

Chrysalis just gave her a knowing smile.

'Y-you... You took a drink before you did that, didn't you... That entire thing was your plan...'

>I have no idea what you're talking about "Sneaky Applejack"... After all, you slapped it out of the air before I could drink it... remember?

'R-right... my Queen.'

>Good... also be a dear and have this photo developed... I want to have it framed.

NON CANON
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>Twilight
"Spike"
~~~~

>Did you get it?

"You realize how creepy this is, right? You're having me stalk someone."

>It's not stalking! It's following discreetly!

"It's stalking. I had someone STALK your big brother. Don't try to sugar coat it, it won't work. Let's just admit it and be at peace with it."

>It's NOT STALKING!

"...I'm not giving you this paper until you admit-"

In a flash, it was hovering before her.

"...That your magic is SO cheap."

>My magic is so cheap. There, you happy?

"Aheh heh heh, you are so funny."

>...What could Shiny have been doing over there?

"You know, 77 would have asked him. But see, the point of stalking is not to let the pony in question know they're being stalked, so you see the dilemma."

>He looks nervous...

"He probably is. It's a mountain. Mountains are high, full of sharp things, and-"

>Destroyed towns.

"..."

>...I need to investigate.

"No yeah, go right ahead. Could just hop over and ask him, but nooooo. This is the sane thing to do. Go hundreds of miles up a sheer mountain in sub-zero temperatures. This is why you're the smart one."

>He's hiding something... no... SHE'S hiding something, I just know it. If I want to get to the bottom of this, I need to check it out myself.

"You know the sad part? The really, really sad part?"

>What?

"I knew you were going to say that, and already packed your bags. We leave in-"

>No, you stay here. I need an alibi in case Shiny asks. Make sure others see you and know you were in Canterlot while I'm doing this.

"...Saw that coming."

She payed him no mind, grabbing her bags with a hovering magic and heading out the door before he could even finish rolling his eyes at her.

There was something buried in there. Something they didn't want her to know.

They should have known better.
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>SA
"Shatterhoof (Guard)"
-----------
“Sir! Report from the North Patrol just came in.”

>Go ahead

“Two scouts were on watch beyond the shield, when that comet came down last night. They said they saw several pieces break off as it went past us, and crash into one of the mountains just north of their route.”

>Cool!

“West Patrol filed a similar report, but wasn't able to get a position on any of the debris that fell near them - so as far as we know there could literally be pieces just outside the shield.”

>What do think the odds are they contain some alien life form, or a super-cool space metal?

“I really don't know sir.”

>We could totally forge a shield out of it. Totally indestructible, reflects all magic, and is really light.

“Why do I get the feeling-”

>-and get Twiley to make a super-pony to be the symbol of JUSTICE AND FREEDOM!

“-that you read far too many comics.”

>What? Captain Equestria is really cool.

“Not happening sir.”

>No space shield?

“No space shield.”

>Damn.

“I took the liberty of relaying the information about the comet debris to the Canterlot Observatory - they are sending a team up to investigate and recover any samples for study. They should be here in the next few days.”

>Okay. I'll keep that in mind. Free to return to duty.
>I really wanted a space shield though...
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~~~~

Pommel's body tensed before the gaping maw of the monstrous troll. The cavern was just as he had known it to be the last three hundred times he had fought in it, the troll was same, his armor was the same.

He was not.

"I'm the best in the world, at what I do."

~~~~~~~~~

77 narrowed his eyes as Pommel approached him, flicking his knife to and fro.

"Private."

"77, sir. Could I have a moment of your time, sir?"

77 placed his knife down on the table of the Gun Club's common room, taking a seat at it.

"Odd, you calling me that. With all the time you spend in 32's company, I'd forgotten you were still in the Guard."

"Low blow, sir."

"Sorry, I'm not usually this petty. My brother brings out the worst in me. What is it you required, Private?"

"It's...it's the cave troll thing. 32 says it's about finding some personal truth, an answer to a question. So far the only question I have is 'How can a unicorn kill a pissed off cave troll?'"

77 leaned back, exhaling, "That's a question for the ages, Private, one that may not have an answer. Can I ask you a question?"

"Uh...sure, sir."

"Enough with this sir stuff, neither of us are on duty. Pommel, why is it you're so attached to my brother?"

Pommel blinked, "Well, uh, he's been pretty nice to me, he gave me that mushroom that cleared up my hangover when we first met."

"Ah yes, the Rezhulk or whatever the hell he calls it...the one with four caps."

"Three cure ailments of the head, one destroys it completely."

"You ever stop to think he intended to kill you with the poisonous one and just gave you the wrong one?"

"Wh-what?"

77 set Pommel with a steely gaze, "My brother is an arrogant, abrasive, stubborn bastard of a changeling , but he's not stupid. He could have poisoned you, took your keys and slipped out of Canterlot in a matter of hours. But he didn't. So either he made a mistake, or he's planning something."

Pommel's expression hardened right back at 77, "Or he wanted a friend, and he got one, three even if you count Flim and Flam!"

"Or that, Pommel, or that," 77 nodded, not looking convinced, "As for your quandry, have you considered there being no true answer? Perhaps my brother is merely doing this out of some repressed sadism."

"...talking to you was a mistake."

"Whatever you say, boy, whatever you say."

~~~~~

The troll roared and charged forward, Pommel dodged to the side, this was nothing new, none of it was new except for what burned in his heart...well that and another thing...

~~~~~

"Hahahahahaha-laugh with me SS-HAHAHAHA!"

"It's an honest question!" Pommel glared at the little filly with the big gun as well as the little filly with the appropriately sized ones.

"And that's some honest laughter," Tiara grinned, "Face facts, moron, no matter what Bug Monster number four says, you're a little soldier boy trying to play hero, it's not gonna work, you're not gonna ever beat that troll, and all that's gonna happen is you're gonna die again and again!"

"It does seem kind of...y'know, unlikely," SS grimaced.

"Now me and SS here? Ha, child's play," Tiara hefted her rocket launcher.

Silver blanched at the thought, "Don't bring me into this!"

"Aw c'mon, you pepper his legs with SMG fire, I blast him in the face with a rocket, it's simple!"

"I'm not gonna do it!"

"C'moooon!"

Pommel sighed and left the two to argue.

~~~~~

The stalactites fell.

Predictably dodged, predictably easy.

His chance was coming, and then it'd be time for something unpredictable.

~~~~~

Pommel approached 42 nervously as she laid waste to a punching bag that bore a remarkable resemblance to his mentor.

"Uh, can I-"

"Fuck off."

"Ok!"

Pommel ran away.

~~~~~

Swipe left, dodge. Swipe right, dodge.

"C'mon..."

~~~~~

"-and so that's what I'm left to think about, any advice?"

Potatojack gulped down her ubiquitous tuber and fixed him with a stare that was at the same time critical, compassionate, and...hungry for some reason.

"Simply put, you can't. I'm sorry but it's the honest truth. A unicorn that is not a prodigy on par with Princess Sparkle pre-Alicorn could not even think of taking on a creature like a cave troll, let alone one full of rage. If I were you I would explore other opportunities, definitely think of a change of mentors, and...take up camping, it's a very worthwhile hobby."

Pommel sighed, "Thanks for the candor...I guess..."

With a shake of his head, Pommel left Potatojack to cram another brown tuber into her mouth.

"Mrrphrrh."

~~~~~

Avoid the grab, wait for it fat boy, you'll get your food soon enough.

~~~~~

Spike lazily spun the chamber of Charity as he regarded Pommel.

"Pommel, you're a good guy, I'd like to think we're something approaching buddies even though-"

"I was just a face in a lineup a month or so ago?"

"-yeah, that. You want the truth? It would take a LOT of doing to even get you to where you'd draw with that troll. All you've got is magic and real jerk for a mentor-"

"So people keep telling me..."

"-and it'd take me a few reloads with Charity to take it down. 32's playing you, Pommel, he's encouraging you, sure, but inside I can't help but think he's laughing at how you won't stop trying to get his approval. You want my advice? Go back into the guard and only hang out with 32 when it's time to get drunk."

"Thanks...have you seen Princess-"

"Crystal Empire, bud."

"Damn..."

~~~~~

The cave troll smashed into the wall again, its body covered in dust as it howled. It turned once more, eyes fiery with fury regarding it's vastly smaller foe.

"I'm the best in the world, at what I do..."

~~~~~

Pommel stared out into the night sky. His mind wracked with a single question and a single answer.

How can a unicorn kill a cave troll?

The answer was that he simply couldn't.

He stomped his hoof on the ground, he couldn't except it, he couldn't. The truth was malleable, as 32 said, he just had to find the right mold...

And all of a sudden it was clear, and he smiled.

He knew the truth.

~~~~~

"...and what I do..."

Pommel's horn glowed as the beast began lumbering towards him once more.

~~~~~

"No!"

Pommel glared at the dragon standing in the way of the simulation console.

"I have to do this, damn it!"

"Listen to him, Pommel," 77 approached, concern in his eyes, "You're only going to hurt yourself."

"I'm not letting you go in there," Spike crossed his arms, "This has gone on too long, you're starting to lose it."

"I know what I'm doing!" Pommel shouted, gritting his teeth.

"Like the last how many times?" 42 shook her head at the table, then turned her attention to 32, "Stop this shit, he'll listen to you."

32 only stared at Pommel, eyes piercing.

"Pommel," 77 began, "You had nothing to prove until 32 said you did, and even then you didn't to anyone but him."

"Because he's the only one in here that believes in me," Pommel replied venomously.

"Pommel-" 77's warning was cut off by Pommel slamming a hoof on the table.

"No! Listen to me, 77, I was there in the Everfree, the day you started teaching the guard, the day you hunted us a across that trap strewn forest. I was one of the ones that ran, one of the washouts. But look into my eyes and ask yourself if I'm going to run from this, if I'm going to just wash out."

Pommel stared into 77's eyes, a few moments of silence passed.

"...let him go in," 77 finally said.

"What!?" Spike's head snapped towards 77, "You can't be serious!"

"He gets one more chance, if it doesn't work, he's never allowed to train in there again," 77 replied stoically, "Agreed, Pommel."

The Guard Pony nodded.

Spike sighed, "Fine. One. Chance."

Pommel made for the doors of the simulator, "I only need one."

~~~~~

"...IS CHEAT!"

From within his armor a small apple-sized object hurled out, into the mouth of the oncoming troll. It froze in its tracks, blinking as it swallowed.

Observing in the control room, the Gun Club were silent.

"Hey!" Tiara stormed into the room, anger apparent on her face, "Which one of you dickheads stole one of my frag-"

BOOM!

The insides of the troll had quite quickly found themselves outside. It swayed for a few moments, before falling onto its back with a loud thud.

Pommel grinned as the simulation ended. He trotted out the doors as regarded the shocked expressions of the Club.

"How can a unicorn kill a cave troll? He can't. A unicorn with a grenade? Quite easily it turns out."

Pommel didn't know how they'd react. He didn't expect a blur of black to cannonball into him and wrap him up in a bearhug.

"You devious gem of a pony, you did it!" 32 laughed, squeezing the unicorn tight, "It took forever but damn it, you did it, I'm so proud of you!"

"You are?"

"Never let your enemies dictate the rules of battle!" 32 smiled, "And you didn't! You and I are going to get so drunk tonight, we'll be sharing the cell you found me in! Come on!"

32 grabbed Pommel and practically dragged the young unicorn out of the room.

The Gun Club shared a look between them all, unsure how to really respond.

Except Tiara.

"YOU GRENADE STEALING BASTARD, YOU'RE BUYING ME NEW ONES!"
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6qAIaqK3_Q
>Twilight
~~~~~~

>Fuck, it's cold.

The bushy faced guide she had brought with her nonchalantly shrugged, it was just one of those things.

Twilight Sparkle was no stranger to scaling a mountain. She'd done it on several occasions now, and fallen off at least one. It's not the worst thing that could happen. The cold, on the other hoof...

>This is the place, right? I haven't seen the village from the pictures, are you sure we're going the right way?

Again, he just shrugged. She had simply requested he take her 'up the mountain'. This was in the general direction of 'up', he supposed.

>Don't talk much, do you?

Another shrug.

>Thought not... huh.

Well, that certainly peaked her curiosity. It seemed something was leaving cracks in this side of the mountain. And not by external means. Her horn ignited immediately, prodding, searching, looking for...

And just like that, her mind was a flutter. Something was down there! It wasn't particularly large, but something did indeed reside in the depths of the mountain! Something... something like...

>I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT! Changeling! There's the remains of something Changeling based down there!

Her guide, apparently, had nothing to add.

>Wow, don't get current events out here very often, do you?

She ignored his silence, and instead focused her efforts forward. Or rather, downward.

A lance of red hot energy began cutting thought the ice along the cracks, creating a perfect circle for her to trot into. Magical teleportation sent chunk after chunk to the surface. Farther, and father, until she was straining just to send it clear of the hole. But she persevered, all the way to her target.

And there it was.

It was hidden in the ice so well that Twilight had very nearly passed right by it. But a keen eye trained to read lines in the darkness aided her well. Right to her prize.

A perfectly preserved Changeling Queen.

She didn't even bother to hide her glee.

>EEEEEE!

No wonder that bitch hadn't wanted her anywhere near this! This was the find of a century! Finally, a way to circumvent Chrysalis and learn, learn until her brain exploded from all the knowledge. So many secrets, revealed!

>Yesyesyesyesyes!

With all the care of a surgeon, she began to cut her out. Careful, methodical, no time for-

"Did you find what you wanted?"

>GAH!

Just like that, a red lance went right across the ice covering the Queen's face.

>Oh sure, NOW you talk! Look what you did! This is the find of a millennium, and I just gave her some cheap facial surgery! What on earth were you... thinking... what's wrong?

He did not answer her, yet again. No, his hoof shaking like a leaf as he pointed behind her said enough.

It did not take a through examination to understand, the Queen's face was fairly self-apparent.

More specifically, the eye that had just opened up.

The ice began to crack again, but not through Twilight's means.

>RUN!

And run they did. They ran as fast as they could as the snow and ice began to rain down around them. Hairline cracks chased them up the slippery slope as the rushed towards precious, precious daylight. They only barely made it before the tunnel collapsed, and sealed off behind them.

After a moment to catch her breath, Twilight let out a frustrated scream.

>What the hell was THAT!? I had it! I was right there! Damn it! DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT!... Oh, now what!?

The guide, again, had resumed his silence. Far too focused on the shaking mountain beneath his hooves. They only had a second more to react before the ice shelf they stood upon lifted into the air.

The snow crumbled away around the massive form that emerged, rolling off of her like the ash from hell itself. Twilight could only gawk in abject horror as a monster easily ten times the size of the creature in the mountain clawed it's way out. Impossibly, it seemed to even now still be growing.

A high pitched shriek gave way to a thunderous, raspy roar as she raised higher towards the heavens. She was free.

{YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO BE RID OF ME THAT EASILY, SISTER!?}

And she was pissed.

Her eyes flickered among the snow, searching for something, anything. Twilight's heart froze a little when those narrowed, burning eyes landed upon her.

Instinctively, she cast her magic. A simple burst, nothing fancy. She had no concentration for the harder stuff.

It may as well have been a raindrop.

The retaliation, on the other hand, was a bit more effective. The Queen had used no magic as she slammed her hoof into the snow, but if Twilight hadn't seen it herself she would have sworn that she had just cast a tsunami spell that would give Celestia pause.

She managed to shield her guide in the ensuing avalanche, but she would have to rely upon her immortality to save herself. The stones and ice were not kind.

The annoyance vanquished, those spite filled eyes resumed hunting. Scanning.

Finding.

{Did you really think taking your brood so far away would deter me, sister?}

She did not run.

She simply moved forward with a painstaking and deliberate pace down the mountain. Shattering the fragile land beneath her massive steps, and raining snow down upon any in her path. Fissures cracked beneath her, anything in her path flattened. A force of nature, nothing less.

In her delirium, Twilight's consciousness was just barely enough she could take stock of two things.

Her guide had gotten her out of the snow.

And that thing was headed right towards Canterlot.
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Manehatten, Fawntaine Industries Tower
"Fawntaine"
'Pennydrop'
>Flash
*various bits of Flash

The intercom startled the unnerved industrialist Deer

'Mister Fawntaine, we have a "Flash" here to see you'

"A "Flash"? I didn't make any appointment-"

BRRRAARRRARRRARRRRARARRRRRKT went the chainsaw, making a quick hole around the CEOs double door

"Oh no....not you...."

The doors fell to the ground, revealing one Flash Sentry, chainsaw as one hoof, another hoof with a sawn-off pointed at a crouching Pennydrop, and a very self satisfied grin on his face

>Oh yeah....Me

'He's not very keen on making a later date, sir'

"D-don't you t-t-touch her or I'll..uh....I'll... I'll make a deal alright? Just please don't tell anyone abou-"

>Not here for that, stickhead...heh heh...Stickhead, I'm kinda surprised your little secretary didn't freak out at the intrusion

The unicorn unconcernedly lit a ciggarette in dull contempt

'Ya don't get very far in this business without learnin' to unfaze yourself to these kinda thins, trust me kiddo, ya ain't nothing compared to that baby dragon with the six-shooter'

>Ohh....okay...my bad?.....ANYWAY! I need some nice spare parts for this hunk of jun- ERROR, MODULE FAILURE

*krchhk*

"Di-d-d-did your chainsaw...thing just break?

>No, it just needs some new gears is all, and you've got the shiniest gears in Equestria

'Not the only thing he likes to polish, hun...'

"I c-c-can get you spare parts...on the chea-

*VRRRRAAAAARGH*

"EXCLUSIVE! I'LL HAVE THEM CUSTOM COMMISIONED! I THOUGHT THAT THING BROKE"

>It's just temperamental is all, and my memories a little fuzzy on recent eve- CPU AT 76% CAPACITY LOSS- let's just say I need some refreshers

"Aftertherobotswereblownupthebugqueenwentsortagodmodeandinsanebutthissecondchangelingsortafixedeverythingandeversincethere'sgunclubsandthesemagicdreamroomsandnotmuchelseexceptIheardtherewasthisreallyoldbugthatwassomekindofveteranandhisahipboneasaweaponorsomethingandtheLegalDepartmentregisteredsomeadoptionpapersbetweentherulersoftheCrystalEmpireandthentherewasanotherbugthatsortahiredsomecaveponiesandwasactuallytryingtohelptheminsecretduringtheGalabutthebugqueenisstilltherebutnothingmuchhappenedandthingsaregoingreallyreallyswelluntilwestartedbeingputunderinvestigationbytheKingdomandthatdragonwiththemagicrevlolverandPLEASEDON'TPOINTTHATTHINGATME!"

>Huh...did I get all tha-AFFIRMATIVE, CPU AT 96% MEMORY RETENTION- okay thank you very much there computer

'Never heard him jabber that fast, loser always keeps lookin' outta the window every board meeting'

"I'll tell you everything, just please promise to never come here agai- NO NOT THE DESK! THAT'S MAHOGANY WHAT ARE YOU-"

>Future reminder

'It's actually just laminated plywood, cheapskate'

>And the spare parts?

"All...already on there way, w-w-w-we can fit you out down in the l-l-labs

>Now tell me about this...adoption thing... I know you have your sources

'God that's a good one, the girls downstairs kept fallin' over at that sappy crap'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Diamond Dog General
"Various DD's"
~~~~~~~

>SONS OF BITCHES, this is a new dawn! Today, we begin our expansion into enemy territory!

"Do you really have to call us that?"

"It is accurate."

"Well, duh. Just saying that it's weird you're just referring to us as 'sons', there's a few girls in here."

"Yeah!"

>Fine... DOGS, we have finally found the armaments to reach out, into the vast land before us, and TAKE IT! With these weapons pilfered from the burned hides of the machines, we can FIGHT!

"Fight who?"

>The ones we're conquering.

"You mean the earthquake?"

>...You, the one with the glittery helmet, smack him.

"OW!"

>We cannot conquer a damn earthquake, you idiot. What is wrong with you?

"Oh... could we conquer a dinosaur?"

>Well, I suppose, but how am I supposed to know what a dinosaur looks like? I've never seen one.

"You could turn around."

He did.

That's when the massive fifty caliber canon in his paws suddenly felt like a straw with a particularly nasty wad of spit in it.

Every single gun turned on the black, chitinous shape. Every single bullet poured towards her like a wave of metal.

She didn't even notice as she stomped through their encampment, never once even looking down at them to even acknowledge they were there. For the next ten minutes, all was chaos around an angry, unfocused monster.

And then she was gone, nothing behind her left unbroken.

>...Dogs! We are going to... to hold back on the... the thing. The thing is going to not be right now... W-w-we shall... shall regroup, and study the enemy from... from faaaaar away... G-g-g-g-good job, everyone.

Not a one had heard anything he said. They simply watched the trees in the distance collapse as the monster walked through them like toothpicks.

And they feared.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Dragon
"Dragon 2"
~~

The earth rumbled just a bit when the scaled beast hit the ground.

Above him the green, defeated dragon, a burst of flame raced up into the sky, adding a striking hue to the victorious red one.

>I HAVE WON!

"Alright, jeez, you don't have to rub it in."

>Scalea will be MINE! We shall mate, and she shall bare my eggs!

"Why do you talk like that? Nobody talks like that, it's creepy."

>And you, FANG! You shall watch as I spoil your precious!

"Okay, wow, not going to watch that."

>AND SHE SHALL LOVE ME FOR IT!

"Is this a fetish? Tell me, buddy, I won't judge."

The posturing would have continued, if not for the shattering of a grand oak just behind them.

>WHO DARES TO CHALLENGE ME!?

"I think she's just walking, actually."

The red monster flew in her path, pointing a fearsome claw at her.

>YOU! You look as if you would be an excellent creature to mate as well!

"Wow. Just wow. Over the line."

>FACE ME, and I shall-AHHHHH!

She didn't even slow down. She simply stomped onto his foot, then up and against his knee, bringing him low enough to step onto his pelvis, chest, neck and finally finishing with a stomp onto his face. It happened in the span of less that two seconds, and yet somehow it felt like an eternity for the previously defeated dragon.

"...S-shit."

The monster left, the trampled dragon behind her unmoving and still.

"...So, uh... does that mean she wins? Do I win by default?"

The red one did not answer, he simply gurgled out a bit of blood, and was still.

"I'm just going to pretend I did that."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Ranger pony
"Mayor pony"
~~~~~

>DAMN IT MAN! I'm telling you, we have to close the park!

"During the autumn festival!? Are you mad!?"

>You're damn right I'm mad, mad you won't close the park when there is a monster out on the loose, killing campers!

"You're exaggerating!"

>PONIES ARE DEAD!

"Baaaah, it was probably just an ursa major or something!"

>...is... is that better? That sounds like a good reason to close the park.

"BALDERDASH!"

>I'm telling you, there is something out there, and it is hung...ry...

"...Was that a mutant ursa major?"

>It was. Had blades for arms.

"That's kind of neat."

>...What was it running fro-

"...Oh."

>...

"...I am suddenly okay with closing the park."

>Don't think it'll help.

"Yeah... probably not..."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Robot Head
"Trader Morlock"
'Morlock Scout'

>THIS UNIT STILL DOES NOT COMPREHEND.

From atop its perch on a pile of well worn books, the robot regarded the Morlock that had hours ago returned a hero from his journey to the surface with a chunk of silver and a mission to trade. The Morlock in question looked pleased with himself as he dropped the paper bag in front of the robot.

"It is as told, head of metal. The troll skin protected me from the great burning yellow demon's wrath, and I traded with the Princess of the red hanging mushrooms!"

>EXPLANATION OF FRUIT QUEUD FOR LATER DATE. CLAFICATION: CONTEXT OF TRADE REQUIRED.

"Ha! The glitterstone must have dazzled her eyes, head of metal, the Princess eagerly gave away her precious sustenance for it! Behold!"

The Morlock threw the paper bag on the ground, grinning from ear to ear as three apples, a tomato and lettuce sandwich, and piece of cake fell out.

>...MORLOCK IDGIK.

"Yes head of metal?"

>AS THIS UNIT IS WITHOUT LIMBS, IT REQUESTS THAT YOU SLAM YOUR HEAD ON THE CAVE WALL NO LESS THAN TWENTY TIMES.

"Uh..."

>THEN YOU WILL RETURN TO THE SURFACE AND-

'Head of metal!'

Another Morlock swiftly galloped up the steps, eyes wide.

>REPORT THE REASON FOR INCREASED FEAR LEVELS.

'News from the far tunnels! The ground quakes, as like nothing we have ever felt! A cave in has trapped one of our outposts and there are rumors of a great vengeance being wrought against us by the sky demon!'

>BEGIN OPERATIONS TO FREE THE OUT-

There is a might shaking within the cave, one that grows larger and larger.

>NEW OPERATION! COWER!

And they did.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Chrysalis"
'42'
-18-
~~~~~

>Stop twitching.

"I can't help it, your stupid crying all morning is making my ear ring."

>I wasn't that loud.

"Tell that to the EEEEEEEEEE sound going off in my head."

>Maybe it's something else.

"Mnemhnmeh! Please. 42! Status report!"

'All is well in the Empire, My Queen!'

"18, status report!"

-Still doing ten times the work of Cadence and getting none of the nookie.-

"Reports filed! See? It's you. You and your 'oh, kindergarten must be SO TERRIBLE' crying."

>Guess so...

"...Seriously, EEEEEEEE, like a damn alarm going of in my head. It's fucking annoying."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Celestia
"Applejack"
'Spike'
~~~~~

>...Hm hm hm hm hm hm... I gotta feeling... that todays gonna be a good day, that today's gonna be a good good day,

"A feeling."

>That today's gonna be a good good daaayyy.

"Today's the day, finish it off. Slam those papers, take them... out!"

>Then we'll go have a ball, we'll get smashed up head off and end with a BLARGH!

"A feeling! That today's gonna be a-"

*BLAM!*

>...
"..."

'...No more fucking musicals.'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Celestia
“Various Dignitaries”
‘Applejack’
~~~~

As the grand hall was filled to the brim with fire-igniting, juggling, fiction-writing Changelings, the ballroom, returned to its natural splendor, was where the annual ‘Joint Sessions’ banquet happened to be in full swing. This year the event was sanctioned for Canterlot, meaning nation leaders from nearly every major state and continent had arrived, largely to spy and one-up one another, but also to keep the peace.

For the most part, as she glanced around at all her invited guests, Celestia could count on one hoof how many she actually remembered. Which is why she thanked Starswirl above that Applejack stood next to her when the emissary of Saddle Arabia waved and trotted over.

>Oh buck me sideways… her name is on the tip of my tongue…

Applejack rolled her eyes.

‘Ya mean like the other five names? Tch, right. Her name is Yara, Saddle Arabia.’

>I knew th- Helloooo… Yara? Yara! Because I knew that all along, yes!

“Always the funny one you are, Celestia! Wonderful banquet as always, dear, just… some of us were wondering why the ballroom was chosen for this event. It’s always been the grand hall over the many years.”

Another pony quickly joined their conversation, this one a mare with a large red dot betwixt her eyes.

“Yes, it is a topic of much discussion! We all appreciate the change of scenery but why?”

Even if Celestia wanted to answer, she couldn’t. Because she didn’t know this dignitary’s name, and with her this close, there was no way Applejack could secretly tell-

‘Glad yer’ enjoyin’ yerself, Krishna. An’ well, we... uh... jus’ wanted to spice things up as a treat for our esteemed guests!’

>…Y-yeah! That’s right, yup! This day is all about strengthening ties and making sure everypony has a good time!

Upon hearing that, there was much blushing amongst the two exotic mares and eventually word spread of this ‘thoughtful’ act, enough so that all the patrons began clopping their hooves together in favor of the solar princess.

When it died down, Celestia could only give Applejack a firm, open-hooved slap on the flank.

>That was a very nice save there.

‘It’s what Ah’m here for.’

Applejack glanced about at all the laughing, drinking, and chattering ponies, ponies of varying importance depending on where they hailed. There was even Gwendolyn with her escort.

This was the biggest event of a leader’s life, where plans for the future were made and security was at its tightest. Spike and the other members of the Gun Club were already on their rounds, Chrysalis was prepping with Luna, Cadance was already making an idiot of herself to a Manehattan emissary, and Filthy Rich was handing out business cards.

Everything was going good.

‘…then why do Ah have such a bad feelin’?’

>Applejack, look sharp! Who’s this stallion coming up? He’s waving a spear around! Is he dangero-

‘That’s Dead Hoof from the Frozen North settlement. He- seriously…? Y’all don’t remember him? He was here less than three months ago!’

>Three months was the release of that new ‘Volcanic Tempest’ cake. I think that’s good reason not to remember anypony during that time.

‘Fer’ buck sake….’
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>2
"Teacher"
~~~~

>And that?

"That's a four."

>And that?

"Six."

>That?

"Two."

>What?

"I said two."

>I know, Ah was askin' what ya' wanted.

"No no, that's the number two."

>Ooooohhhh. Can I see the nurse?

"Oh, what now?"

>I think all the mathy stuff is hurtin' my head, I hear a ringy noise. It's getting louder.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>55
~~~~~

55 was happy.

Normally, he had to light himself on fire to get happy. Or for Silver Star to let them serve him some salt. But not too much, that stuff was bad for a body. But right now, at this moment, he was happy all on his own.

Because he had fought some bandits, and the Buffaloes thanked him. That's a good feeling. Maybe that giant creature heading right towards Appaloosa would... agree...

>...SHIIIIIIIIT!

No time for the gather-up, he just doused himself with every even partially flammable liquid, and lit up the sky.

His cackle went unnoticed by the thing, who was completely unaware or uncaring to him as he flew up next to her. Funny, she looked familiar, REAL familiar, but this stuff is FIRE fuel, not brain fuel.

But if there's one thing 55 knew how to do, it's bring attention to himself.

Like a tiny little firebug, he started circling her. Little by little, he surrounded her in the flames. Arcing up, up, up!

And getting broken right through as if it were made of silly putty.

He let out a none too dignified roar of frustration as Appaloosa started to appear over the horizon. She was going to stomp right through it! Damn! DAMN IT DAMN IT!

>SCREW YOU LADY!

He poured everything he had into the side of its head. Fires hot enough to melt stone, to cut through steel! Right at its big, stupid head!

And that's when it slightly turned.

YAY! She was paying attention to him!

>...OH SHIT, SHE'S PAYING ATTENTION TO ME!

He arced to the side and booked it, the massive beast nipping right at his heels. He pumped every drop of power he had into flying, faster and faster.

He was lucky he made it a mile before a black, chitinous appendage shot forward, and knocked him out of the sky.

It was barely a graze, hardly even touched him, and yet it felt like he had just been hit with a train. A train made of pure hate. He saw stars as he flew through the air. Funny... it wasn't night yet.

Oh, never mind, it must be... everything's going... black.

Chitania had no idea what the tiny, fiery little thing was, and honestly did not care. She had another target in mind, and she would not be deterred any longer.

Not even to go back and finish off that town just a mere mile to her right. It was unimportant. THEY were unimportant.

So she continued on.

And left the tiny flickering fire to die out.

The Appaloosans would cheer on this day, thank 55 for his services, in spirit. But that was all they could do. Without him there, they could do no more. They took the hats from their heads, and they thanked him with their hearts.

That was all.

>...HAHA! STILL ALIVE!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________