Dear /r/AskReddit, what is your most epic "Long-Con" revenge story?

I'll start with mine.
My annoying roommate we'll call Jay, was always a total douchebag when it came to basic hygiene around the house.  He'd never do his side of dishes, and would constantly beg me to front his half of the rent, which I gave into many times over the years(Looking back now I would never pay a fucking dime to this douchebag.)

Whatever, we both graduate college, and go on with our separate lives(I scored a 3.9 GPA over his 2.6 btw).

About 5 years pass, no contact.  Mostly forgot about this godawful roommate.
One day Facebook pops up saying Jay's getting married, and I'm invited to the wedding.

I recognized his face right away.    It was the dirty roommate whose entire gene pool deserved to be boiled.

I sleuthfully sniffed out his weak points by sniffing out any open network nodes he may had lazily left open, and sure enough I had access.   Digging around, I discovered a folder called "wedding present" on his fiance's phone.

From what I gather, she had her rich father purchase them wedding gifts, and for the husband Jay, a very expensive all-black custom gold trimming Hayabusa Superbike GSX1300R.
For the uninformed, this superbike model hits max speeds over 200 mph, with a pricetag of $1.5 million.  Truly any man's pride and joy to go along with his lovely wife.

Until I came along. 😀
I comprised a devastatingly devious plan one day; Access the bike, and defile it to my heart's content for revenge.*

*Just like he would defile me by not doing the dishes, or having his douchebag friends over late at night, and even got the cops called on us once for a noise violation when I had a test the next morning.

Having acquired the key, would slip into the garage where the bike was kept, pull my dick out, and ejaculate into the gas tank.  Working overtime, I was able to get a few dozen cumshots into the tank per week, with a timeframe of about 6 months until the wedding to fulfill my dark plan.

I cummed into the gas tank hundreds of times, until it was actually leaking my jizz overflowing.  Closed the lid and sealed it, and got to work on the bike's engine.  I took a shit in all the gaskets.  I dropped my seed into the oil tank so many times the dipstick would only show white.

Now, it was time for the grand finale.   The wedding is over and the newly married couple open their gifts.

The Hayabusa comes rolling out of the garage, and the husband Jay just loses it.  "Oh my god this is the bike my Dad always wanted but could never afford!!"  He is very emotional, and is making out with his wife.

In a romantic gesture to end the night, the couple straddle themselves up for a the first ride home on this $1.5 million wedding gift.

He pulls the handle to rev the engine, and the engine makes a strange noise.  The engine is choking and making all kind of strange noises.  "What the hell is that?!" yells out his wife.

And that's when I show my hand.

REMEMBER HOW YOU KEPT ME UP ALL NIGHT YOU STUPID FUCKING ROOMATE!!!

MY MASTER PLAN HAS BEEN COMPLETE!

At first the couple thought I had had too many drinks or something, and looked at me foolishly.

Suddenly the smile faded away from Jay's face.  The bike was beginning to cook the fecal matter in the gaskets, and the smell of my semen filled the air as the fuel line pumped my love cum through the engine.

"W-Why would you do this to me you s-sick fuck?!" He yelled out, trying to be an alpha male in front of his new wife.

I gave him a basic 2 word example.  "Revenge, bitch."

The poop began to melt from the heat of the engine, which caused the bike to have a permanent diarrhea drip.

Looking back on this event(perhaps my most successful revenge ever,) I definitely don't recommend any fellow /r/edditors attempt something like this.   I got away with it, but you probably won't.

Happy revenging, redditors!

tl;dr: Don't invite me to weddings! xD
edit: WOW, reddit gold? seriously? You guys are amazing.