Thread 18: Stories 121-126

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"Ooooooo'Leary is dead and O'Reily don't know it!
O'Reily is dead and O'Leary don't know it!
They're both stone dead
In the very same bed
And neither one knows that the other one's dead!"

Pommel grimaced at the sixth repetition of what seemed to be the song's only lyric as well as its chorus, though he'd wanted to ask the cheerful looks on the crew's faces made it clear they either didn't notice or care. He had been waiting for what had seemed like hours, sitting like a child in time out next to the sour-faced helmsman with First Mate Daw right beside, singing along and barking orders in turn.

"I never thought I'd miss Flim and Flam's singing..." Pommel muttered.

"What was that?" Daw looked over at him.

"Nothing!"

"Well then join in, mate!" Rat clapped him on the back...Pommel swore he'd just seen the unicorn climbing rigging on the bow, "We don't bite! I mean we stab, slash, snap, keelhaul, hack, and blow ships into the great black oblivion, but we don't bite!"

"I do," Daw replied, "Remember the bar fight in Tortoiga? Doubt that doggy'll ever use his sniffer again!"

"Oh right, ha, clean off his muzzle!" Rat laughed and patted Pommel on the head, "Okay so we do bite, and yer demise might be impendin', but go out with a smile an' a song!"

And like that he was back in the rigging.

"The hell is WITH that guy?" Pommel looked at Daw, who shrugged.

"We found 'im stranded on an island five years ago, he's nuttier than a squirrel's shite but he can climb the rigging like a damned monkey. If yer useful, the cap'n'll keep ya, remember that, lad."

Pommel grimaced, WAS he useful? For years he'd been a member of the guard, but the guard was about as useful as a dagger against a dragon. He'd been a jailer in the dungeon, but considering he made friends with most of the guys he'd watched over, that didn't sound like a good record to have. He'd also tried to be useful when Chitania assaulted Canterlot, riding out with 32 to poison her and...well, here he was, so that was out the window, meaning he was soon going to be too.

The sound of a door clattering open blasted him out of his audit of his abilities, he peeked his head over the side of the railing, looking down at the entrance to the captain's cabin where an elderly earth pony stepped out. He was a drab grey stallion, with squinting eyes and a few tattered remains of a mane clinging to his head. A set of small glasses rested on the tip of his nose and saddlebags on both his flanks seemed leaden down with medical supplies and scientific instruments.

"Doc!" Daw called down, "You'n the cap'n have a nice chat?"

"I'm still in possession of my head, so yes!" The old stallion looked back at them, nonplussed, "...oh good, the fool lived."

"Think the cap'n is in the mood t'let him live?"

'Doc' shrugged, "Depends, how much was the bounty for that dire eel again?"

"More zeroes than there're hairs on your head!" Rat called down from above.

"Ah, well, I think he should-" Doc began.

"Make peace with my gods, yeah, got that the first time," Pommel cut him off.

Doc scoffed, "Well then, you impudent brat, I won't delay your date with the cutlass! I'm going to need to figure out where we have to go for a new harpoon anyway..."

With a grumble the earth pony walked off and Daw cast a look at Pommel, "Don't be short with him, he's the only one of us that can fix ya up after a fight!"

"Trust me if this meeting goes like I think it will, he and I aren't going to be speaking much," Pommel said darkly, prompting a rolling of eyes from the mare.

"Oh just follow me down there, will ya?" Daw descended the steps down onto the deck with Pommel morosely following behind. He felt dread grip his heart as they turned toward the captain's cabin, its beating growing more frantic with each step.

Soon they entered, the creaking of the door sounding far too loud to Pommel's nervous ears. The room was lit by lanterns and lamps scattered all about, and littered with charts, treasures, and various nautical knick knacks that Pommel couldn't begin to list. The centerpiece of course was the room's occupant, facing away the two, looking out an open window at the ocean.

"So," The voice of the captain was deep, steeped in authority and menace, "You've awakened."

"Uh, yes sir, captain, sir," Pommel began, "I-"

"You are sorry for breaking the rope we'd hooked to the dire eel," The Captain did not turn, "Of course you are, anyone would be after seeing that everyone on this ship is armed like they are. My question is not whether or not you're sorry."

The captain finally did turn and the color drained from Pommel's face. Everything about him screamed 'pirate' at the top of its lungs, and not the jolly Partyland attraction kind either. His coat was a deep crimson, almost reaching the darkness of an old bloodstain, his mane and wild beard were darker than night with but a few flecks of grey showing like starts peeking through a screen of Fillydelphian smog. His face was contorted in a snarl and his one good eye glared at Pommel, the other stared unseeing and milky dead in the middle of a wicked scar. He was clad in a dark greatcoat that only barely failed to conceal the wicked scimitar that was strapped to his side.

In an instant the captain was face to face with Pommel, the guard stallion felt the cold touch of metal sliding along his chin. Despite his mental cries not to do so, his eyes darted downward to see the serrated metal hook where the captain's hoof should have been as he dragged it along the underside of Pommel's muzzle. The captain jerked it upwards, making Pommel's gaze meet his own.

"Look me in the eyes boy," The captain growled, "My question is...just how do you propose to make this right?"

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She was coming.

And the griffon armies knew they were screwed.

Nothing could stop the terrible juggernaut, and their newest standard issue weapons seemed to only challenge her.

Trembling in their throne room, the king and queen clutched their emergency weapons while cursing their manufacturer, outside they heard her voice.

That terrible, terrible wight-light voice calling "Marchmallys!..."

Their marshmallow bazookas and guns would do nothing to the changeling princess, but a true griffon prefers to go down futily swinging than in surrender.

NON CANON
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>29
"MM"
'Trixie'
[Zecora]
~~~~

>On the positive side, this is a new experience for me. Never kayaked before today.

"You doing alright?"

>The spice of love is to find every flavor under the sun and have taste, I suppose!

"Oh... then why are you wrapped up in a bunch of life-jackets?"

>I can't swim.

'HAH! The Nimble and Swimming Trixie has gotten blue ribbons for her prowess in the water before!'

[Oh? That sounds like it was a bit of fun. Why don't you go get them and show me one.]

'...The Quick thinking and Impulsive Trixie may have placed bets... bets that thankfully could be covered by the gold plating on a medal...'

[From you shifty attitude, I had surmised. To be frank my dear, I am not surprised.]

"You do seem a little impulsive and hotheaded."

'THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE IS NOT HERE FOR LIFE TIPS!'

"So why are you here?"

'To watch the not so great and far less magnificent 29 hurt himself.'

"He's just kayaking."

[Indeed, you were to quick to sing this dark little song. So far, nothing has seemed to go wrong.]

>AHHHH! PIRANHAS! WHYARETHEREPIRANHASAHHHHHHH! MY FAAAAAAAACCCEE!

"..."
[...]
'...Like. Clockwork.'
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>Applejack
"Celestia"
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>So... did y'all have fun?

"It was... unexpected."

>Ain't ya' a little old ta' be havin' sleepovers?

"Aren't you a little young to be sassing your elders?"

>Yep. Don't stop me, though.

"And neither does my age stop me from enjoying myself with some acquaintances while we watch old home movies and tell scary stories."

>Heh. Just wish ya' had invited me.

"Nobody was 'invited' to this, you had to know the special trick."

>And that was?

"You had to stumble into 18's office. Just one of those things."

>Well, since yer' back, Ah've got looooots o' paperwork ya'll need to catch up with! Ain't ya' happy?

"..."

>...Are ya'll tryin' ta' astrally project?

"The student taught the teacher, let's just say."

>It ain't gonna work.

"Didn't work for her either, but the fun is in trying."

>...Is it really?

"Nope. SMOKE BOMB ATTACK!"

>GODDAMN IT!
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>32
"42"

>By the pricking of my hooves, something wicked this way moves.

"The hell are you babbling about?"

>Oh just some old play, you wouldn't like it, it's about a treacherous monarch that gets what's coming to them. And that's never going to happen with YOU around.

"Wow, claws really are out with you, huh? Gotta say, almost makes me miss the simpering little asshole that played at being one of us. Almost.

>Oh yes, I fooled just about everyone, but I couldn't fool you, could I? You're the ultimate soldier, the unyielding guard, you just KNOW people! The Queen is safe and sound with you around...unless someone has a brick.

"First off, you're a coward that got lucky. Second, this shit, this shit you're doing right now? Knock it the fuck off."

>Why 42, I don't know what you mean.

"77, Twilight, 18, Shining Armor, everyone else that's come down here, they tried to help you and you've been feeding them hatred and bullshit-"

>From where you're standing. And all I gave Twilight is some lessons in biology and history. What the hell do you WANT me to do? YOU people keep coming to ME! Excuse a wasp his sting."

"I want you to get your head out of your ass! You say you're all about the facts, so here are some facts: The Queen will NOT do anything to have me hurt my friends, she will NOT force 77 to hurt Cheerilee, and-"

32 leaps out of his bed, pacing back and forth in his cell, his words rapid, his tone uneven.

>Not this not that, out of the mouths of drones come such grand assertions! You're never wrong, are you? You never have cause to mourn because between you and the Queen nobody in this hive should ever worry about anything! I mean, fuck, I shouldn't have even gone after the Queen, I had no ground to stand on!

42 eyes narrow.

"What are you talking abou-fuck!"

32 slams against the bars, eyes wild.

>Pommel wasn't my friend! Of course he wasn't! You said so, didn't you!? He was my lackey! My puppet! Nothing more than a tool for my own twisted ends! I have no right to mourn, to grieve, to seek revenge, besides...

32's face gets uncomfortably close, 42 backs away in disgust at the vacant 'smile' on his face.

>Anyone who calls a traitor like me friend deserves to die just as much as I do.

"You've lost your damn mind."

>I've lost a lot more than you ever have, you wretched whore...

"Bit of a step up from buckethead, don't you think?"

>That was a term of affection, as strained as it was, I don't feel it anymore, for you or for anyone else in that accursed hive. Get out of my sight and leave me to die.

42's eyes harden.

"This is fucking pathetic, you used to be someone of conviction, now look at you, just an angry little man screaming at the world."

32 shakes his head and limps back to his bed.

>Whatever helps you sleep at night, you cretin, go back to that vile maggot in a crown and play soldier a bit more. I'll just be here, dying. Because hey, the Queen wants to live forever, and if she does? Then death is the only escape I know.

42 shakes her head as 32 curls up, eyes closing, and leaves the revolutionary to his prison.

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Bless 77's soul, he had come to help his 'fallen brother', once more, against his stings and barbs, it almost made him regret what would come next...

He walked through the halls of Canterlot, humming to himself. His instincts piqued and the clatter of golden armor alerted him to the dozens of guards surrounding him.

"32, stand down, you're completely surrounded!"

He blinked in shock. "I'm 77, why would you think I'm 32-"

The changeling easily dodged an guard and then wrestled him into becoming his shield. "Get your heads together, fools! 32 must be playing some trick on you!"

He briefly checked the guard's eyes and then tossed him into another one of his friends who attempted to attack him. "Listen to me, 32 is playing mind games with you! He's not well but he's still very intelligent and an infiltration specialist!"

"We'll see for certain once Princess Twilight removes your disguise."

Finally, he stood down. "Then hurry and bring me to her or her to me! I can only pray no one opened the cell doors!"

The guards began to realize their potential mistake and hurried to Princess Twilight. "Quickly, check if this changeling is disguised, princess!"

Twilight's pupils dilated and she hurried with the spell.

Not even a flicker of flame and one guard cried "What have I done?! He's loose!"

Outside of the castle, 32 had already changed his disguise from his brother to a royal guard pegasus, flying out towards Ponyville 'on a new assignment to secure the town'.

And by the time they would put things together to check this lead out, he would be gone even further, and somewhere, where he would be laughing uproariously.

NON CANON
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