ᴬᵛᵉᶰᵍᶤᶰᵍ ᵂᶤᵗᶜʰToday at 6:21 PM
well .. i first met komari in like. october? i was roleplaying again and getting used to things as i was in a abusive household and getting use to this one. i had a lot of unsoved issues because no one cared in this family enough to get me tested before, so at the time most of my diagnosis's were based off what chandler had said i had symptoms of. it was kinda hard because going through what happened and all - i didnt have a lot of control mentality wise. not meant as an excuse, but it was just.. i never had a 100% clear mind space.  komari and i became friends pretty fast and all, and i met cecil ( his former name ) when komaris first callout was being written against him. we were all fine and i met chandler through him and all of komaris alters. in december we knew of cecil, chevalier and calixte.

i had an extremely bad panic attack one day and had used the vent channel to yaknow,, vent? when i would break down horribly, i had y discord as DND and set it off completely so no one messaged me. komari messaged me yelling saying i was acting like a child and that "me deleting messages" of the breakdown made it seem like i was attention seeking. i wont go into the abuse i faced due to trigger warnings and i dont want to trigger you. he told me was going to ignore me until he wasnt mad anymore. chandler messaged me and kind of tried to help me calm down and just focus more. komari complained i was "writing perfectly good rp responses" when in fact, it was my queue going off ( and i should have marked it as queue, but never did, so it did seem like i was.)
i did date cecil and to komari, he always acted like i was picking his own alter over him and i explained to him multipe times that wasnt true, he was my friend, etc.
chandler would come to me and tell me that there would be times komari out of the blue would insult me and belittle me. saying things like how i was so stupid i'd never get into college. ( i have, and due to my learning disabiity, wasnt doing well. i was living in a bad house at the time as well).
Cecil fronted less and less and i grew very.. worried, because there was never any communication. chandler was always worried as well because he and cecil were friends. we stayed up late one night to catch him and he explained how he wasnt feeling well and he was doing extremely horrible.  chandler came up with the idea to mesh to help him - but due to cecil not communicating, was very upset and thought he was being forced, despite the fact it wasnt being the case.
so even after the mesh, things got worse. even chevalier and charles would have fights and i would have to be the middle man, even if it meant me getting in trouble because it would constantly take away from real life and doing anything else. even when komari and chandler fronted, i had to stay inbetween them and find a middle to help. to me at the time, Komari was a very dear friend that i held close and wanted to help anyway i possibly could.
fought*
i wont speak from charles side, as that is his side and me saying it wont really.. do anything? ig.
itd be better off from him
i was told from charles that komari himself had said "i bet if i lie enough i can get sai to fall in love with you".
turns out, his headmate, chevalier, never liked me either for whatever reason, despite how i never did anything to them and always tried to help. they both spreaded lies about me, and have even hurt cyrus because of this, causing our breakup.
Then last year in Feburary when we all met I just.. had enough, I was done. I didn't want to stop being friends but due to always being painted as a bad guy, I couldnt take it. It was hurting me. I didnt resent Charles for it, i know he was siding with Komari due to his love for him. But I did leave them - and created a new profile to stay away instead of talking it all out. ( more trauma behind that.) because i figured it would be best to just.. Leave.
Sometime in spring, Charles reached out to me again. I had apologized for everything and yes - I did dox Charles-  but the post was deleted immediately when I realized how stupid I was for doing it. He and I talked for a few days and I was in therapy at the time slowly getting better.  I met up with Komari again and we also slowly started being friends again. But within a week, I was dragged into their relationship issues once more.
And once again, I had to be a middle man to them, and a middle man for him and Chevalier - it was exhausted but we were all friends agains and I wanted to keep it that way. Then we learned that Komari had lied, he never wanted to be friends with me and said he was just doing it to make Charles happy since he and I were best friends. Cyrus and I were even trying to repair our relationship - I wanted to be there and you know, try again with him.  I was NOT obbessed like Komari claims I am. I was in love with him and wanted to work things out, and there is proof Cyrus wanted to try again as well.
Chevalier had even locked Cyrus up until he " got his head on straight" aka, he wasnt allowing us to fix things and try again despite what we've all said.
but yeah. I cant ever trust Komari because of how two-faced he had been, i had a very hard time and had to relive trauma due to him. It just.. he wasn't healthy.
He called a lot of my panic attacks or fragments fake when I was dissociating.  But in reality, I was forced to cover it with a mask in real life because I had a job working as a dog groomer. aka sharp objects near dogs and you need to be calm. i couldnt just call out due to me being a trainee.
It isnt healthy, but he called me fake due how "how fast" ive "gotten better" when in reality, it was the opposite. i was forcing feelings down and botteling them up because he gets mad when people are upset/not okay.
And my system? Charles was the one who picked up on it first - I had discussed it with my therapist and we had talked about it for months.  I asked my childhood friend if I have ever acted odd/different and she had recalled times where "I" wasn't there.
I have been with on going three therapist and i have brought it up to all of them, they wanted to talk more on it but, my dad took over and stopped therpahy because he didn't like it.
( he's trying to force an autism diagnosis on me and "thats it".)
So the case worker I have now and talked to, cant access my dad and due to my therapist notes all being.. gone due to a close case, i have to see a new one & a nerogologist.
bitter dreams madamToday at 7:04 PM
questions can just be answered all together so theres no worries about repeating ourselves
was what i was originally typing up
i'll pass this along to dully when she returns i think she fell asleep w her cat
thank you for sharing your side of the story even though it was difficult to do
there's a lot i could say about charles but less about you beyond what i've said
except like, you guys found my twitter and called me "that gross person" or w/e over the monster insult that chev passed along when that was something said in a vent channel to begin w/ and i never trusted chev again after that nor did dully
a lot of what marchi said is still difficult for me to accept that it was lies as that hurts even now, as i said we considered ourselves best friends. i probably wont be able to fully accept anything until we all talk it out together to see where i stand. but, towards the end, he said that i was his only friend. that others were just "friends but not friends", people who he would talk to and support but didnt actually care for. as our relationship deteriorated he started to remind me more and more of my ex lmao. i never lied to him about anything and the idea that he told me nothing but lies is devastating to hear though im aware that its possibly true
him saying that he could do that to you doesnt sound farfetched, marchi liked to tell lies. he thought it was fun. he likes to deceive people, he's cruel and miserable. an energy vampire if youre familiar with that term.
though, i am now realizing marchi has a pattern of just dumping people over on the sidewalk next to the bigger better person. our friendship ended because he wanted to date this guy that was a participant of the killing game we ran together, when i expressed how uncomfortable i was because of how unprofessional that would be (plus, this guy's girlfriend--he's poly-- was in our game as well and i wanted to minimize drama) and i also was worried for him as he just came out of the relationship w/ charles. he also just, straight up said that he loved him right after the dude confessed he had a crush and all my alarm bells were ringing at once
he originally said he would wait until the game was over, but we kept arguing about it w him wearing me down more and more. asking why i couldnt just be happy for him, why did i hate ryan (the guys name, and no i didnt), why couldnt i just like ryan, etc
and i just said to just, do it already and let whatever happen happen
ᴬᵛᵉᶰᵍᶤᶰᵍ ᵂᶤᵗᶜʰToday at 7:05 PM
we all know of ryan
but yes, i understand it is very hard because you guys were friends for a very long time- and he had even said the same thing to me, that I was his only friend. He says that to get sympthay, i think. But when everyone is clear and ready, we can all start a gc - if comfortable - and explain everything out with details and proof.
and we can get this all solved and show everyone who komari truly is.
bitter dreams madamToday at 7:07 PM
do you believe that ryan is aware of who marchi really is?
ᴬᵛᵉᶰᵍᶤᶰᵍ ᵂᶤᵗᶜʰToday at 7:07 PM
No.
bitter dreams madamToday at 7:07 PM
i dont think so either
ᴬᵛᵉᶰᵍᶤᶰᵍ ᵂᶤᵗᶜʰToday at 7:07 PM
Ryan is being strung along like Charles was.
one of my alters - ray - who was fronting for me because I couldnt deal with real life and was in control of this - somehow befriended komari and even invited him to his new killing game server.
however, during time past, komari was showing his old colors. he yelled at ray and accused him of being charles with no proof whatsoever.
we were banned from his server after a month because he kept thinking we were charles, again, without any proof, and accused him of being another member countless times, which is rather insulting.
ryan always speaks for him, komari never acts as an official mod.
there is a friend i made in the server who inu targetted because she had autism.
he claimed there were "several complains" about her, when it fact, it was just him. She tried to say something and he ignored her and said to talk to another mod.
ray was also targetted, there's a lot of dms here as proof.
claiming that there was "several complains" when it was just komari not like the fact he was making friends and Komari wasnt in the spotlight for attention.
And to clear you up with the entire system thing;

Micah's been with me ever since I was younger, again, there's a lot of childhood trauma that I cant remember/what i do remember dont want to trigger you. "Stealing his alters name"? No, due to the trama, an introject was created. Just like how Chevalier is actually Charles.
Plus, I never had claimed to have DID or want it.  My therapists were looking into it as OSDD.
bitter dreams madamToday at 7:18 PM
i was aware of chev's origins but i hadnt consider that was what had happened with you, esp since he had me believing your system was fake
thank you for clearing that up
i think ultimately ryan will be okay, he has lora. lora has been his girlfriend for many years and they will be able to look out for one another when things come to a head, even tho lora also likes marchi (last i heard) while marchi was always indifferent to her. he even admitted to me how confused he was that "i didnt think this meant lora and i were friends" as she began to talk to him more.
ryan speaking for him is what i often had to do for marchi, and i can tell you now its because marchi's mad and passes the buck off to the Not Angry Person so he wont let the shit fly out of his mouth
he liked to compare us sometimes. how we were both nice and always supportive of him.
ᴬᵛᵉᶰᵍᶤᶰᵍ ᵂᶤᵗᶜʰToday at 7:23 PM
I apologize, are komari and ryan in a poly relationship?
bitter dreams madamToday at 7:23 PM
correct
marchi is not poly tho but he liked ryan enough to do it anyway
ryan has a girlfriend, lora, and a qpp who i forgot the name of
shes the mod in charge of pixels or w/e in mos
ᴬᵛᵉᶰᵍᶤᶰᵍ ᵂᶤᵗᶜʰToday at 7:24 PM
oh my goodness.
we were not aware of that.
bitter dreams madamToday at 7:24 PM
well now you know
ᴬᵛᵉᶰᵍᶤᶰᵍ ᵂᶤᵗᶜʰToday at 7:24 PM
we do worry about ryan because well.. komari, in general.
bitter dreams madamToday at 7:25 PM
lora is not poly either but she is comfortable w ryan having other partners
he asked lora permission before confessing to marchi
ᴬᵛᵉᶰᵍᶤᶰᵍ ᵂᶤᵗᶜʰToday at 7:25 PM
charles noticed a pattern where komaris parents have all been abused in some way
bitter dreams madamToday at 7:25 PM
y
yeah
ryan had an abusive ex in the past
ᴬᵛᵉᶰᵍᶤᶰᵍ ᵂᶤᵗᶜʰToday at 7:25 PM
which is raising a lot if red flags
were you aware komari was tested positive for NPD?
bitter dreams madamToday at 7:25 PM
never tested positive but he said three different therapists told he either had npd or aspd
him
ᴬᵛᵉᶰᵍᶤᶰᵍ ᵂᶤᵗᶜʰToday at 7:26 PM
it explains a lot about him.
bitter dreams madamToday at 7:26 PM
at first i was like, what the fuck is wrong w/ them ofc you arent
but as shit began i was like, okay yeah
ᴬᵛᵉᶰᵍᶤᶰᵍ ᵂᶤᵗᶜʰToday at 7:26 PM
anti social and narcissistic.
let me show you what he told ray.

bitter dreams madamToday at 7:27 PM
well ig he got his confirmed diagnosis
i stopped talking to him late november
ᴬᵛᵉᶰᵍᶤᶰᵍ ᵂᶤᵗᶜʰToday at 7:27 PM
the whole "not sure if its DID or OSDD" part however..
is a total lie.
bitter dreams madamToday at 7:28 PM
he told me he'd hallucinate sometimes
shadows iirc
i dont know what he has anymore but thats the first time ive ever seen him say he wasnt sure what it was
ᴬᵛᵉᶰᵍᶤᶰᵍ ᵂᶤᵗᶜʰToday at 7:31 PM
if you do have anymore questions about me or my system, i would be more than happy to explain everything to you.
tbh i feel a while lot better now that everything has been said for my part.
And I also do want to remind you none of this information is going to anyone. The only ones going to be involved is those needed to fix what Komati caused. I promise, you're safe. Its scary, i know it can be.
bitter dreams madamToday at 7:36 PM
i dont think i have any more questions about you or your system. i understand that a lot of what happened was just a lot of misunderstandings w/ marchi twisting the narrative between the two groups for his benefit
thank you
i'm only telling dully about this conversation so she'll be informed when we make the group, but we're still o nthe fence about joining the actual server
for your callout, i think i only want to give an anonymous testimonial
as ive said before, i have limited logs from my time w/ puush. we spoke in the server exclusively, we would rp and discuss hoh in it and it was easier to talk in and not disturb his alters w/ pings w how frequently we would message each other
did you all really think we were dating?
ᴬᵛᵉᶰᵍᶤᶰᵍ ᵂᶤᵗᶜʰToday at 7:39 PM
the only reason we thought of it was because komari made it seem that way and so did chevalier.
bitter dreams madamToday at 7:45 PM
absolutely not lmao
he'd say that i was like a mom, which i didnt mind because its not the first time someone thought of me that way.
for a time he had me going that chandler was accusing him of having a mother complex or w/e, and then that chandler was trying to get marchi to start thinking of Him as a brother which just made me really weirded out by what he was saying
for a while marchi wouldnt stop asking peoples opinions on "do we act like were dating? do you all ever think for a second we were a couple?" and it weirded Me out that he wanted that validation but he stopped it eventually
our matching necklaces were some nice, heartbeat necklaces w/ a cheesy little best friend poem on the site's listing page
he said he understood his feelings for me were different from what he felt for ryan
ᴬᵛᵉᶰᵍᶤᶰᵍ ᵂᶤᵗᶜʰToday at 7:46 PM
komari's actions and talk apparently differed from people to people for his own validation..
but he did make it truly seem he wanted to date you to us
his alters.. again.. were not much help.
they were awful
bitter dreams madamToday at 7:47 PM
maybe he did but pushed it down because of how much i fucking expressed we were just friends lmao
ᴬᵛᵉᶰᵍᶤᶰᵍ ᵂᶤᵗᶜʰToday at 7:47 PM
i think thats why
knowing how komari is.. yeah, thats why he stopped.