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  1.  
  2. -)(-
  3.  
  4.  
  5. P R I N C I P I A D I S C O R D I A
  6.  
  7. or
  8.  
  9.  
  10. HOW I FOUND GODDESS
  11. AND WHAT I DID TO HER
  12. WHEN I FOUND HER
  13.  
  14. THE MAGNUM OPIATE OF MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER
  15.  
  16. Wherein Is Explained
  17. Absolutely Everything Worth Knowing
  18. About Absolutely Anything
  19.  
  20.  
  21. -)(-
  22.  
  23.  
  24. INTRODUCTION
  25.  
  26. You hold in your hands one of the Great Books of our century fnord.
  27. Some Great Books are recognized at once with a fusilade of
  28. critical huzzahs and gonfolons, like Joyce's _Ulysses._ Others appear
  29. almost furtively and are only discovered 50 years later, like _Moby
  30. Dick_ or Mendel's great essay on genetics. The _Principia Discordia_
  31. entered our space-time continuum almost as unobtrusively as a cat-
  32. burglar creeping over a windowsill.
  33. In 1968, virtually nobody had heard of this wonderful book. In
  34. 1970, hundreds of people from coast to coast were talking about it and
  35. asking the identity of its mysterious author, Malaclypse the Younger.
  36. Rumors swept across the continent, from New York to Los Angeles, from
  37. Seattle to St. Joe. Malaclypse was actually Alan Watts, one heard.
  38. No, said another legend -- the _Principia_ was actually the work of
  39. the Sufi Order. A third, very intriguing myth held that Malaclypse
  40. was a pen-name for Richard M. Nixon, who had allegedly composed the
  41. _Principia_ during a few moments of lucidity. I enjoyed each of these
  42. yarns and did my part to help spread them. I was also careful never
  43. to contradict the occasional rumors that I had actually written the
  44. whole thing myself during an acid trip.
  45. The legendry, the mystery, the cult grew slowly. By the mid-
  46. 1970's, thousands of people, some as far off as Hong Kong and
  47. Australia, were talking about the _Principia,_ and since the original
  48. was out of print by then, xerox copies were beginning to circulate
  49. here and there.
  50. When the _Illuminatus!_ trilogy appeared in 1975, my co-author,
  51. Bob Shea, and I both received hundreds of letters from people
  52. intrigued by the quotes from the _Principia_ with which we had
  53. decorated the heads of several chapters. Many, who had already heard
  54. of the _Principia_ or seen copies, asked if Shea and I had written it,
  55. or if we had copies available. Others wrote to ask if it were real,
  56. or just something we had invented the way H.P. Lovecraft invented the
  57. _Necronomicon._ We answered according to our moods, sometimes telling
  58. the truth, sometimes spreading the most Godawful lies and myths we
  59. could devise fnord.
  60.  
  61. Why not? We felt that this book was a true Classic (_literatus
  62. immortalis_) and, since the alleged intelligentsia had not yet
  63. discovered it, the best way to keep its legend alive was to encourage
  64. the mythology and the controversy about it. Increasingly, people
  65. wrote to ask me if Timothy Leary had written it, and I almost always
  66. told them he had, except on Fridays when I am more whimsical, in which
  67. case I told them it had been transmitted by a canine intelligence --
  68. vast, cool, and unsympathetic -- from the Dog star, Sirius.
  69. Now, at last, the truth can be told.
  70. Actually, the _Principia_ is the work of a time-travelling
  71. anthropologist from the 23rd century. He is currently passing among
  72. us as a computer specialist, bon vivant and philosopher named Gregory
  73. Hill. He has also translated several volumes of Etruscan erotic
  74. poetry, under another pen-name, and in the 18th century was the
  75. mysterious Man in Black who gave Jefferson the design for the Great
  76. Seal of the United States.
  77. I have it on good authority that he is one of the most
  78. accomplished time-travellers in the galaxy and has visited Earth many
  79. times in the past, using such cover-identities as Zeno of Elias,
  80. Emperor Norton, Count Galiostro, Guilliame of Aquaitaine, etc.
  81. Whenever I question him about this, he grows very evasive and attempts
  82. to persuade me that he is actually just another 20th century Earthman
  83. and that all my ideas about his extraterrestrial and extratemporal
  84. origin are delusions. Hah! I am not that easily deceived. After
  85. all, a time-travelling anthropologist would say just that, so that he
  86. could observe us without his presence causing culture-shock.
  87. I understand that he has consented to write an Afterward to this
  88. edition. He'll probably contradict everything I've told you, but
  89. don't believe a word he says fnord. He is a master of the deadpan
  90. put-on, the plausible satire, the philosophical leg-pull and all
  91. branches of guerilla ontology.
  92. For full benefit to the Head, this book should be read in
  93. conjunction with _The Illuminoids_ by Neal Wilgus (Sun Press,
  94. Albuquerque, New Mexico) and _Zen Without Zen Masters_ by Camden
  95. Benares (And/Or Press, Berkeley, California). "We are operating on
  96. many levels here," as Ken Kesey used to say.
  97. In conclusion, there is no conclusion. Things will go on as they
  98. always have, getting weirder all the time.
  99. Hail Eris. All hail Discordia. Fnord?
  100.  
  101. -- Robert Anton Wilson
  102. International Arms and Hashish, Inc.
  103. Darra Bazar, Kohat
  104.  
  105.  
  106. -)(-
  107.  
  108.  
  109. The Magnum Opiate of Malaclypse the Younger
  110.  
  111. NOT JUNK MAIL
  112.  
  113. PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA
  114. or
  115. HOW I FOUND GODDESS
  116. AND WHAT I DID TO HER
  117. WHEN I FOUND HER
  118.  
  119. Wherein is Explained
  120. Absolutely Everything Worth Knowing
  121. About Absolutely Anything
  122. _ | _
  123. \|/ A jug of wine,
  124. _/|\_ A leg of lamb
  125. | And thou!
  126. Beside me,
  127. Whistling in
  128. the darkness.
  129. Be Ye Not Lost Among Precepts of Order...
  130. The Book of Uterus 1:5
  131.  
  132.  
  133. -)(-
  134.  
  135.  
  136. Some excerpts from an interview with Malaclypse the Younger by _The
  137. Greater Metropolitan Yorba Linda Herald-News-Tribune-Journal-Dispatch-
  138. Post and San Francisco Discordian Society Cabal Bulletin and
  139. Intergalactic Report and Pope Poop_
  140.  
  141. GREATER POOP: Are you really serious or what?
  142. MAL-2: Sometimes I take humor seriously. Sometimes I take
  143. seriousness humorously. Either way it is irrelevant.
  144.  
  145. GP: Maybe you are just crazy.
  146. M2: Indeed! But do not reject these teachings as false because I am
  147. crazy. The reason that I am crazy is because they are true.
  148.  
  149. GP: Is Eris true?
  150. M2: Everything is true.
  151. GP: Even false things?
  152. M2: Even false things are true.
  153. GP: How can that be?
  154. M2: I don't know, man, I didn't do it.
  155.  
  156. GP: Is there an essential meaning behind POEE?
  157. M2: There is a Zen story about a student who asked a Master to
  158. explain the meaning of Buddhism. The Master's reply was, "three
  159. pounds of flax."
  160. GP: Is that your answer to my question?
  161. M2: No, of course not. That is just illustrative. The answer to
  162. your question is FIVE TONS OF FLAX!
  163.  
  164. SuSpEnDeD AnNiHiLaTiOn
  165.  
  166.  
  167. -)(-
  168.  
  169. FOURTH EDITION ODD# II/2,xii,68Chs3136
  170.  
  171. PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA
  172. or
  173. HOW I FOUND GODDESS & WHAT I DID TO HER
  174. WHEN I FOUND HER
  175.  
  176. Being a Beginning Introduction to
  177. The Erisian Mysterees
  178.  
  179. WHICH IS MOST INTERESTING
  180.  
  181. --
  182.  
  183. As Divinely Revealed to
  184. My High Reverence, MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER, K.S.C.
  185. Omnibenevolent Polyfather of Virginity in Gold
  186. and HIGH PRIEST of
  187. THE PARATHEO-ANAMETAMYSTIKHOOD OF ERIS ESOTERIC (POEE)
  188.  
  189. HAIL ERIS! -- Kallisti -- ALL HAIL DISCORDIA!
  190.  
  191. Dedicated to The Prettiest One
  192.  
  193. [Illustration: a loosely pointing hand]
  194.  
  195. The uproar of one hand clapping.
  196.  
  197.  
  198. -1-
  199.  
  200.  
  201. -JOSHUA NORTON CABAL-
  202. Surrealists, Harlequinists, Absurdists, and Zonked Arists Melee
  203.  
  204. POEE
  205. is one manifestation of
  206. THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY
  207. about which
  208. you will learn more
  209. and understand
  210. less
  211.  
  212. We
  213. are a tribe
  214. of philosophers, theologians,
  215. magicians, scientists,
  216. artists, clowns,
  217. and similar maniacs
  218. who are intruiged
  219. with
  220. ERIS
  221. GODDESS OF CONFUSION
  222. and with
  223. Her
  224. Doings
  225.  
  226. Official
  227. DISCORDIAN SOCIETY
  228. (Hail Eris)
  229.  
  230.  
  231. -2-
  232.  
  233.  
  234. 3 The Sacred Chao (illustration) 37 Parable of the Bitter Tea
  235. 4 Five Commandments (The Pentabarf) 38 Sermon on Ethics and Love
  236. 5 Zen Story 39 Apostles of Eris
  237. 6 Telegram to Jehova 41 How Honest Book of Truth
  238. 7 Birth of The Erisian Movement Was Revealed
  239. 11 Battle Hymn of the Eristocracy 42 Curse of Greyface
  240. 12 On Prayer 43 Mandala
  241. 13 Heaven is down... 44 Cosmology (Book of Uterus)
  242. 14 Norton's Money 46 Orders of Discordia
  243. 15 Eris -- Greek Mythology 47 Entropy (Norbert Weiner)
  244. 16 Law of Fives 48 Zarathud's Enlightenment
  245. 17 Myth of the Apple of Discord 49 The Sacred Chao (text)
  246. 19 Erisian Hymn 52 Hodge/Podge Transformer
  247. 20 POEE Chart 53 Brunswick Shrine
  248. 21 POEE Symbol 54 Starbuck's Pebbles
  249. 22 POEE 55 Eris during 3125 years
  250. 23 Application Form 56 Cosmogeny (Void's Daughters)
  251. 24 POEE Priests 59 Syadastian Chant
  252. 26 Erisian Affirmation 60 Classification of Saints
  253. 27 Legionnaire Certificate 61 Occultism
  254. 27 Saint Gulik 62 Astrology
  255. 28 How to Start a POEE Cabal Without 63 Greface and Negativism
  256. Messing Around With the Polyfather 64 The Turkey Curse
  257. 29 Baptismal Rite 65 Arguments for Evangelists
  258. 31 Mysteree Oath 66 Sink (game)
  259. 32 The Discordian Society 67 Chain Letter (Join Effort)
  260. 33 The Golden Apple Corps 68 Avatar Classification
  261. 33 Numeral V Sign 69 Epistle to the Paranoids
  262. 34 Calendar 71 Super Secret Crypto Cypher
  263. 35 Holy Names 72 Illuminati (letter)
  264. 36 POPE Cards 74 Salvation
  265.  
  266.  
  267. -3-
  268.  
  269.  
  270. I tell you: One must
  271. still have chaos in one
  272. to give birth to a
  273. dancing star! -- Nietzsche
  274.  
  275.  
  276. T H E S A C R E D
  277.  
  278. [Illustration: a traditional Chinese yin-yang symbol
  279. with a pentagon in one cusp and The Golden Apple in the other,
  280. an apple with "Kallisti" in Greek]
  281.  
  282. C H A O
  283.  
  284.  
  285. -4-
  286.  
  287.  
  288. THE FIVE COMMANDMENTS (THE PENTABARF)
  289.  
  290. The PENTABARF was discovered by the hermit Apostle Zarathud in the
  291. fifth year of the caterpillar. He found them carved in gilded stone,
  292. while building a sun deck for his cave, but their import was lost for
  293. they were written in a mysterious cypher. However, after 10 weeks and
  294. 11 hours of intensive scrutiny he discerned that the message could be
  295. read by standing on his head and viewing it upside-down.
  296.  
  297. KNOW YE THIS O MAN OF FAITH!
  298.  
  299. I -- There is no Goddess but Goddess and She is Your Goddess.
  300. There is no Erisian Movement but The Erisian Movement and it is
  301. The Erisian Movement. And every Golden Apple Corps is the beloved
  302. home of a Golden Worm.
  303.  
  304. II -- A Discordian shall always use the Official Discordian
  305. Document Numbering System.
  306.  
  307. III -- A Discordian is Required during his early Illumination to
  308. go off alone and partake joyously of a hot dog on a Friday; this
  309. devotive ceremony to remonstrate against the popular Paganisms of
  310. the day: of Catholic Christendom (no meat on Friday), of Judaism
  311. (no meat of pork), of Hindic Peoples (no meat of beef), of
  312. Buddhists (no meat of animal), and of Discordians (no hot dog
  313. buns).
  314.  
  315. IV -- A Discordian shall partake of no hot dog buns, for such was
  316. the solace of our goddess when she was confronted with The
  317. Original Snub.
  318.  
  319. V -- A Discordian is prohibited of believing what he reads.
  320.  
  321. IT IS SO WRITTEN. SO BE IT. HAIL DISCORDIA!
  322. PROSECUTORS WILL BE TRANSGRESSICUTED.
  323.  
  324. [Illustration:
  325. a burning scroll]
  326.  
  327. Test Question from Topanga Cabal
  328. (The Twelve Famous Buddha Minds School):
  329. If they are our brothers, how come we can't eat them?
  330.  
  331.  
  332. -5-
  333.  
  334.  
  335. A ZEN STORY
  336.  
  337. by Camden Benares, The Count Five Headmaster, Camp Meeker Cabal
  338.  
  339. A serious young man found the conflicts of mid-20th century America
  340. confusing. He went to many people seeking a way of resolving within
  341. himself the discords that troubled him, but he remained troubled.
  342. One
  343. night in a coffee house, a self-ordained Zen Master said to him, "Go
  344. to the dilapidated mansion you will find at this address which I have
  345. written down for you. Do not speak to those who live there; you must
  346. remain silent until the moon rises the tomorrow night. Go to the
  347. large room on the right of the main hallway, sit in the lotus position
  348. on top of the rubble in the northeast corner, face the corner, and
  349. meditate."
  350. He did as the Zen Master instructed. His meditation was
  351. frequently interrupted by worries. He worried whether or not the rest
  352. of the plumbing fixtures would fall from the second floor bathroom to
  353. join the pipes and other trash he was sitting on. He worried how
  354. would he know when the moon rose on the next night. He worried about
  355. what the people who walked through the room said about him.
  356. His
  357. worrying and meditation were disturbed when, as if in a test of his
  358. faith, ordure fell from the second floor onto him. At that time two
  359. people walked into the room. The first asked the second who the man
  360. sitting there was. The second replied, "Some say he is a holy man.
  361. Others say he is a shithead."
  362. Hearing this, the man was enlightened.
  363.  
  364. FOR DEPOSIT ONLY
  365.  
  366.  
  367. -6-
  368.  
  369. W E S T E R N U N I O N T E L E G R A M
  370.  
  371. TO: JEHOVAH YAHWEH [Illustration: a man covered with
  372. hair wearing sandals pointing to
  373. CARE: CELESTIAL HOTEL (SUITE #666) two gravestones reading "O Man Of
  374. Faith," with the legend, "Apostle
  375. PRESIDENTIAL TIER, PARADISE Zarathud. A balloon reads, "You're
  376. right, son!...It would be a _waste_
  377. of your kind of talent to go into
  378. DEAR GOD; the security business!"]
  379.  
  380. THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR CURRENT POSITION AS DEITY IS
  381.  
  382. HEREWITH TERMINATED DUE TO GROSS INCOMPETENCE STOP YOUR CHECK
  383.  
  384. WILL BE MAILED STOP PLEASE DO NOT USE ME FOR A REFERENCE
  385.  
  386. RESPECTFULLY,
  387.  
  388. MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER/OMNIBENEVOLENT POLYFATHER OF VIRGINITY IN GOLD
  389.  
  390. POEE HIGH PRIEST
  391.  
  392.  
  393. -7-
  394.  
  395.  
  396.  
  397. THE BIRTH OF THE ERISIAN MOVEMENT: 10. The Earth quakes and the
  398. THE REVELATION Heavens rattle; the beasts of
  399. nature flock together and the
  400. beasts of men flock apart;
  401. volcanoes usher up heat while
  402. elsewhere water becomes ice and
  403. melts; and then on other days
  404. it just rains.
  405. 11. Indeed to many things come
  406. to pass.
  407.  
  408. Just prior to the decade of the nineteen-sixties, when Sputnik was
  409. alone and new, and about the time that Ken Kesey took his first acid
  410. trip as a medical volunteer; before underground newspapers, Viet Nam,
  411. and talk of a second American Revolution; in the comparative quiet of
  412. the late nineteen-fifties, just before the idea of RENAISSANCE became
  413. relevant . . .
  414.  
  415. Two young Californians, known later as Omar Ravenhurst and
  416. Malaclypse the Younger, were indulging in their habit of sipping
  417. coffee at an all-night bowling alley and generally solving the world's
  418. problems. This particular evening the main subject of discussion was
  419. discord and they were complaining to each other of the personal
  420. confusion they felt in their respective lives. "Solve the problem of
  421. discord," said one, "and all other problems will vanish." "Indeed,"
  422. said the other, "chaos and strife are the roots of all confusion."
  423.  
  424. ...First I must sprinkle you
  425. with fairy dust...
  426.  
  427. SUDDENLY THE PLACE BECAME DEVOID OF LIGHT. THEN AN UTTER SILENCE
  428. ENVELOPED THEM, AND A GREAT STILLNESS WAS FELT. THEN CAME A BLINDING
  429. FLASH OF INTENSE LIGHT, AS THOUGH THEIR VERY PSYCHES HAD GONE NOVA.
  430. THEN VISION RETURNED.
  431.  
  432. The two were dazed and neither moved nor spoke for several
  433. minutes. They looked around and saw that the bowlers were frozen like
  434. statues in a variety of comic positions, and that a bowling ball was
  435. steadfastly anchored to the floor only inches from the pins that it
  436. had been sent to scatter. The two looked at each other, totally
  437. unable to account for the phenomenon. The condition was one of
  438. suspension, and one noticed that the clock had stopped.
  439.  
  440. ...NEW STORY OF CHAOS...
  441.  
  442. no girdle ever cured a pregnancy
  443.  
  444. THERE WALKED INTO THE ROOM A CHIMPANZEE, SHAGGY AND GREY ABOUT THE
  445. MUZZLE, YET UPRIGHT TO HIS FULL FIVE FEET, AND POISED WITH NATURAL
  446. MAJESTY. HE CARRIED A SCROLL AND WALKED TO THE YOUNG MEN.
  447.  
  448. "GENTLEMEN," HE SAID, "WHY DOES PICKERING'S MOON GO ABOUT IN
  449. REVERSE ORBIT? GENTLEMEN, THERE ARE NIPPLES ON YOUR CHESTS; DO YOU
  450. GIVE MILK? AND WHAT, PRAY TELL, GENTLEMEN, IS TO BE DONE ABOUT
  451. HEISENBERG'S LAW?" HE PAUSED. "_SOMEBODY HAD TO PUT ALL OF THIS
  452. CONFUSION HERE!_"
  453.  
  454. AND WITH THAT HE REVEALED HIS SCROLL. IT WAS A DIAGRAM, LIKE A
  455. YIN-YANG WITH A PENTAGON ON ONE SIDE AND AN APPLE ON THE OTHER. AND
  456. THEN HE EXPLODED AND THE TWO LOST CONSCIOUSNESS.
  457.  
  458.  
  459. THE BIRTH OF THE ERISIAN MOVEMENT:
  460. ERIS -- GODDESS OF CHAOS, DISCORD, & CONFUSION
  461.  
  462. They awoke to find the sound of pins clattering, and found the bowlers
  463. engaged in their game and the waitress busy with making coffee. It
  464. was apparent that their experience had been private.
  465.  
  466. They discussed their strange encounter and reconstructed from
  467. memory the chimpanzee's diagram. Over the next five days they
  468. searched libraries to find the significance of it, but were
  469. disappointed to uncover only references to Taoism, the Korean flag,
  470. and Technocracy. It was not until they traced the Greek writing on
  471. the apple that they discovered the ancient Goddess known to the Greeks
  472. as ERIS and to the Romans as DISCORDIA. This was on the fifth night,
  473. and when they slept that night each had a vivid dream of a splendid
  474. woman whose eyes were as soft as feather and as deep as eternity
  475. itself, and whose body was the spectacular dance of atoms and
  476. universes. Pyrotechnics of pure energy formed her flowing hair, and
  477. rainbows manifested and dissolved as she spoke in a warm and gentle
  478. voice:
  479.  
  480. I have come to tell you that you are free. Many ages ago, My
  481. consciousness left man, that he might develop himself. I return
  482. to find this development approaching completion, but hindered by
  483. fear and by misunderstanding.
  484. You have built for yourselves psychic suits of armor, and
  485. clad in them, your vision is restricted, your movements are clumsy
  486. and painful, your skin is bruised, and your spirit is broiled in
  487. the sun.
  488. I am chaos. I am the substance from which your artists and
  489. scientists build rhythms. I am the spirit with which your
  490. children and clowns laugh in happy anarchy. I am chaos. I am
  491. alive, and I tell you that you are free.
  492.  
  493. During the next months they studied philosophies and theologies,
  494. and learned that ERIS or DISCORDIA was primarily feared by the
  495. ancients as being disruptive. Indeed, the very concept of chaos was
  496. still considered equivalent to strife and treated as a negative. "No
  497. wonder things are all screwed up," they concluded, "they have got it
  498. all backwards." They found that the principle of disorder was every
  499. much as significant as the principle of order.
  500.  
  501. With this in mind, they studied the strange yin-yang. During a
  502. meditation one afternoon, a voice came to them:
  503.  
  504. IT IS CALLED _THE SACRED CHAO._ I APPOINT YOU KEEPERS OF IT.
  505. THEREIN YOU WILL FIND ANYTHING YOU LIKE. SPEAK OF ME AS _DISCORD,_ TO
  506. SHOW CONTRAST TO THE PENTAGON. TELL CONSTRICTED MANKIND THAT THERE
  507. ARE NO RULES, UNLESS THEY CHOOSE TO INVENT RULES. KEEP CLOSE TO THE
  508. WORDS OF SYADASTI: "'TIS AN ILL WIND THAT BLOWS NO MINDS." AND
  509. REMEMBER THAT THERE IS NO TYRANNY IN THE STATE OF CONFUSION. FOR
  510. FURTHER INFORMATION, CONSULT YOUR PINEAL GLAND.
  511.  
  512. "There are trivial truths & there
  513. are great truths. The opposite of
  514. a trivial truth is plainly false. "I hear music!"
  515. The opposite of a great truth is
  516. also true." -- Neils Bohr
  517.  
  518. "What is this?" mumbled one to the other, "a religion based on the
  519. Goddess of Confusion? It is utter madness!"
  520.  
  521. And with those words, each looked at the other in absolute awe.
  522. Omar began to giggle. Mal began to laugh. Omar began jumping up and
  523. down. Mal was hooting and hollering to beat all hell. And amid
  524. squeals of mirth and with tears on their cheeks, each appointed the
  525. other to be high priest of his own madness, and together they declared
  526. themselves to be a Society of Discordia, for whatever that may turn
  527. out to be.
  528.  
  529. "Did you know that there is a million [Illustration: an ostrich
  530. bucks hidden in the house next with its head buried in the
  531. door?" ground. A balloon from the
  532. "But there is no house next door." hole reads, "WOW!"]
  533. "No? Then let's go build one!"
  534. -- Marx All things are perfect
  535. To every last flaw
  536. And bound in accord
  537. With Eris' law.
  538. -- HBT; The Book of Advice 1:7
  539.  
  540. FNORDS -> FNORD,
  541. FNORD, FNORD, FNORD, FNORD,
  542. FNORD, FNORD, FNORD, FNORD,
  543. FNORD, FN-O-RD, FNORD,
  544. FNORD...
  545.  
  546. Momomoto, famous Japanese, can swallow his nose
  547.  
  548.  
  549. -11-
  550.  
  551.  
  552. St. Trinian's
  553. SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL POLICE
  554. Sewing Circle
  555.  
  556.  
  557. BATTLE HYMN OF THE ERISTOCRACY
  558. by Lord Omar
  559.  
  560. VERSE
  561. Mine brain has meditated on the spinning of The Chao;
  562. It is hovering o'er the table where the Chiefs of Staff are now
  563. Gathered in discussion of the dropping of the Bomb;
  564. Her Apple Corps is strong!
  565. If a quixotic Socrates
  566. CHORUS studied Zen under
  567. Grand (and gory) Old Discordja Zorba...?
  568. Grand (and gory) Old Discordja
  569. Grand (and gory) Old Discordja
  570. Her Apple Corps is strong!
  571.  
  572. VERSE
  573. She was not invited to the party that they held on Limbo Peak;*
  574. So She threw a Golden Apple, 'sted of turn'd t'other cheek!
  575. O it cracked the Holy Punchbowl and it made the nectar leak
  576. Her Apple Corps is strong!
  577.  
  578. ----------
  579. * "Limbo Peak" refers to Old Limbo Peak, commonly called by the Greeks
  580. "Ol' Limb' Peak."
  581.  
  582. "The tide is turning...the enemy is suffering terrible losses..."
  583. -- Gen. Geo. A. Custer
  584.  
  585.  
  586. -12-
  587.  
  588.  
  589. Persons in a Position to Know, Inc.
  590.  
  591. ON PRAYER
  592.  
  593. Mal-2 was once asked by one of his Disciples if he often prayed to
  594. Eris. He replied with these words:
  595.  
  596. No, we Erisians seldom pray, it is much too dangerous. Charles Fort
  597. has listed many factual incidences of ignorant people confronted with,
  598. say, a drought, and then praying fervently -- and then getting the
  599. entire village wiped out by a torrential flood.
  600.  
  601.  
  602. [Illustration: a pencil-drawn figured jumping up and down]
  603.  
  604. "Of course, I'm crazy, but that doesn't mean [Illustration: a clip
  605. I'm wrong. I'm _mad_ but not _ill._" from a Japanese
  606. (_Werewolf Bridge,_ Robert Anton Wilson) periodical]
  607.  
  608.  
  609. -13-
  610.  
  611.  
  612. 14. Wipe thine ass with What is Written and
  613. grin like a ninny at What is Spoken. Take
  614. thine refuge with thine wine in the Nothing
  615. behind Everything, as you hurry along the Path.
  616. -- The Purple Sage
  617. HBT; The Book of Predications, Chap. 19
  618.  
  619. Heaven is down. Hell is up.
  620. This is proven by the fact
  621. that the planets and stars
  622. are orderly in their It is my firm
  623. movements, belief that it is a mistake
  624. while down on earth to hold firm beliefs
  625. we come close to the
  626. primal chaos.
  627. There are four other proofs,
  628. but I forget them.
  629.  
  630. -- Josh the Dill
  631. King Kong Kabal Ignotum per ignotius*
  632. *The meaning of this is unknown
  633.  
  634. [Illustration: a bird in a nest scratching its head and looking up
  635. at the rest of the page]
  636.  
  637.  
  638. -14-
  639.  
  640.  
  641. No. 2316 United States.
  642.  
  643. [Illustration: a figure with
  644. the balloon, "Look, comrade,
  645. you do your own thing and
  646. I'll do mine!"]
  647.  
  648. THE IMPERIAL GOVERNMENT
  649. of
  650. NORTON I.
  651.  
  652. Promises to pay the holder hereof the sum of FIFTY CENTS
  653. in the year 1880, with interest at 7 per cent. per annum from
  654. date; the principal and interest to be convertible, at the option of
  655. the holder, at maturity, into 20 yuears 7 per cent. Bonds are
  656. payable in Gold Coin.
  657.  
  658. Given under our Royal hand and seal
  659. this 29TH day of AUGUST 1874 NORTON I, EMPEROR
  660.  
  661. Security Last Intergalactic
  662. Bank of Malaclypse
  663. Endorsed and Guaranteed
  664.  
  665. CUDDY & HUGHES,
  666. Printers to His Majesty Norton I, 511 Sansome Street, S.F.
  667.  
  668. IN GODDESS WE TRUST
  669.  
  670.  
  671. -15-
  672.  
  673.  
  674. The Classical Greeks
  675. were not influenced
  676. by the Classical Greeks
  677.  
  678.  
  679. WHAT WE KNOW ABOUT ERIS (not much)
  680.  
  681. The Romans left a likeness of Her for posterity -- She was shown as a
  682. grotesque woman with a pale and ghastly look, Her eyes afire, Her
  683. garment ripped and torn, and as concealing a dagger in Her Bosom.
  684. Actually, most women look pale and ghastly when concealing a chilly
  685. dagger in their bosoms.
  686.  
  687. Her geneology is from the Greeks and is utterly confused. Either
  688. She was the twin of Ares and the daughter of Zeus and Hera; or She was
  689. the daughter of Nyx, goddess of night (who was either the daughter or
  690. wife of Chaos, or both), and Nyx's brother, Erebus, and whose brothers
  691. and sisters included Death, Doom, Mockery, Misery, and Friendship.
  692. And that She begat Forgetfulness, Quarrels, Lies, and a bunch of gods
  693. and goddesses like that.
  694.  
  695. One day Mal-2 consulted his pineal gland* and asked Eris if She
  696. really created all of those terrible things. She told him that She
  697. had always liked the Old Greeks, but that they cannot be trusted with
  698. historic matters. "They were," She added, "victims of indigestion,
  699. you know."
  700.  
  701. Suffice it to say that Eris is not hateful or malicious. But She
  702. is mischievous, and does get a little bitchy at times.
  703.  
  704. ----------
  705. * THE PINEAL GLAND is where each and every one of us can talk to Eris.
  706. If you have trouble activating your pineal, then try the appendix
  707. which does almost as well. Reference: DOGMA I, METAPHYSICS #3, "The
  708. Indoctrine of the Pineal Gland."
  709.  
  710.  
  711. DIRUIT AEDIFICAT MUTAT GUADRATA ROTUNDUS
  712. -- Horace
  713.  
  714.  
  715. -16-
  716.  
  717.  
  718. THE INSIDE STORY!|
  719.  
  720. THE LAW OF FIVES
  721.  
  722. The Law of Fives is one of the oldest Erisian Mysterees. It was first
  723. revealed to Good Lord Omar and is one of the great contributions to
  724. come from The Hidden Temple of The Happy Jesus.
  725.  
  726. POEE subscribes to the Law of Fives of Omar's sect. And POEE also
  727. recognizes the Holy 23 (2 + 3 = 5) that is incorporated by Episkopos
  728. Dr. Mordecai Malignatius, K.N.S., into his Discordian sect, the
  729. Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria.
  730.  
  731. The Law of Fives states simply that:
  732. ALL THINGS HAPPEN IN FIVES, OR ARE DIVISIBLE BY OR ARE MULTIPLES
  733. OF FIVE, OR ARE SOMEHOW DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY APPROPRIATE TO FIVE.
  734.  
  735. The Law of Fives is never wrong.
  736.  
  737. In the Erisian Archives is an old memo from Omar to Mal-2: "I
  738. find the Law of Fives to be more and more manifest the harder I look."
  739.  
  740. Please do not use this
  741. document as toilet tissue
  742.  
  743. The Nagas of Upper Burma say the sun
  744. shines by day because, being a woman, it
  745. is afraid to venture out at night.
  746.  
  747.  
  748. -17-
  749.  
  750.  
  751. "You will find that the State is the kind of
  752. organization which, though it does big things
  753. badly, does small things badly, too." [Illustration: the
  754. -- John Kenneth Galbraith Golden Apple]
  755.  
  756.  
  757. THE MYTH OF THE APPLE OF DISCORD
  758.  
  759. It seems that Zeus was preparing a wedding banquet for Peleus and
  760. Thetis and did not want to invite Eris because of Her reputation as a
  761. trouble-maker.*
  762.  
  763. This made Eris angry, and so She fashioned a apple of pure gold**
  764. and inscribed upon it KALLISTI, "to the prettiest one," and on the day
  765. of the fete She rolled it into the banquet hall and then left to be
  766. alone and joyously partake of a hot dog.
  767.  
  768. Now, three of the invited goddesses,*** Athena, Hera, and
  769. Aphrodite, each immediately claimed it to belong to herself because of
  770. the inscription. And they started fighting, and they started throwing
  771. punch all over the place and everything.
  772.  
  773. Finally Zeus calmed things down and declared that an arbitrator
  774. must be selected, which was a reasonable suggestion, and all agreed.
  775. He sent them to a shepherd of Troy, whose name was Paris because his
  776. mother had had a lot of gaul and had married a Frenchman; but each of
  777. the sneaky goddesses tried to outwit the others by going early and
  778. offering a bribe to Paris.
  779.  
  780. Athena offered him Heroic War Victories, Hera offered him Great
  781. Wealth, and Aphrodite offered him The Most Beautiful Woman on Earth.
  782. Being a healthy young Trojan lad, Paris promptly accepted Aphrodite's
  783. bribe and she got the apple and he got screwed.
  784.  
  785. As she had promised, she maneuvered earthly happenings so that
  786. Paris could have Helen (_the_ Helen) then living with her husband
  787. Menelaus, King of Sparta. Anyway, everyone knows that the Trojan War
  788. followed when Sparta demanded their queen back and that the Trojan War
  789. is said to be the First War Among Men.
  790.  
  791. And so we suffer because of The Original Snub. And so a
  792. Discordian is to partake of No Hot Dog Buns.
  793.  
  794. Do you believe that?
  795.  
  796. ----------
  797. * This is called THE DOCTRINE OF THE ORIGINAL SNUB.
  798.  
  799. ** There is historic disagreement concerning whether this apple was of
  800. metallic gold or Acapulco.
  801.  
  802. *** Actually there were five goddesses, but the Greeks did not know of
  803. the Law of Fives.
  804.  
  805. +-----------+
  806. | Remember: |
  807. | KING KONG |
  808. | Died For |
  809. | Your Sins |
  810. +-----------+ Ho Chi Zen
  811. is
  812. 5. An Age of Confusion, or an Ancient Age, is King Cong
  813. one in which History As We Know It begins to
  814. unfold, in which Whatever Is Coming emerges in
  815. Corporal Form, more or less, and such times are
  816. Ages of Balanced Unbalance, or Unbalanced
  817. Balance.
  818. 6. An Age of Bureaucracy is an Imperial Age in
  819. which Things Mature, in which COnfusion becomes
  820. entrenched and during which Balanced Balance,
  821. or Stagnation, is attained.
  822. 7. An Age of Disorder or an Aftermath is an
  823. Apocalyptic Period of Transition back to Chaos
  824. through the Screen of Oblivion into which the
  825. Age passeth, finally. These are Ages of
  826. Unbalanced Unbalance.
  827. HBT; The Book of Uterus, Chap. 3
  828.  
  829.  
  830. -19-
  831.  
  832.  
  833. DO YOU REMEMBER?
  834. 1. Polite children will always remember that a church is the
  835. __________ of __________.
  836.  
  837.  
  838. AN ERISIAN HYMN
  839. by Rev. Dr. Mungojerry Grindlebone, K.O.B.
  840. Episkopos, The Rayville Apple Panthers
  841.  
  842. Onward Christian Soldiers,
  843. Onward Buddhist Priests. Mr. Momomoto, famous Japanese
  844. Onward, fruits of Islam, who can swallow his nose, has
  845. Fight 'till you're deceased. been exposed! It was recently
  846. Fight your little battles, revealed that it was Momomoto's
  847. Join in thickets fray; brother who has been doing all
  848. For the Greater Glory, of this nose swallowing.
  849. of Dis-cor-di-a.
  850. Yeah, yeah, yeah, [Illustration: a flag]
  851. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Heute die Welt
  852. Blffffffffffft! Morgens Das Sonnensystem
  853.  
  854. Abbey of the Barbarous Relic
  855.  
  856.  
  857. -20-
  858.  
  859.  
  860. OFFICIAL PROCLAMATION ODD# III[b]/4,i;18Aft3135
  861.  
  862. POEE DISORGANIZATION MATRIX DEPARTMENT OF THE NAVY
  863. [Illustration: the
  864. V) THE HOUSE OF APOSTLES OF ERIS Golden Apple]
  865. For the Eristocracy and the Cabalablia BUREAU OF SHIPS
  866.  
  867. A. The Five Apostles of Eris
  868. B. The Golden Apple Corps (K.S.C.)
  869. C. Episkoposes of the Discordian Society
  870. D. POEE Cabal Priests
  871. E. Saints, Erisian Avatars, and Like Personages
  872.  
  873. IV) THE HOUSE OF THE RISING PODGE
  874. For the Disciples of Discordia
  875.  
  876. A. Office of My High Reverence, the Polyfather
  877. B. Council of POEE Priests
  878. C. The Legion of Dynamic Discord
  879. D. Eristic Avatars
  880. E. Aneristic Avatars
  881.  
  882. NOTE: A, B, and C are POEE PROPER;
  883. while D and E are POEE IMPROPER
  884.  
  885. III) THE HOUSE OF THE RISING HODGE
  886. For the Bureaucracy
  887.  
  888. A. The Bureau of Erisian Archives
  889. B. The Bureau of the POEE Epistolary, and
  890. The Division of Dogmas
  891. C. The Bureau for Symbols, Emblems, Certificates, and Such
  892. D. The Bureau of Eristic Affairs, and
  893. The Administry for the Unenlightened Eristic Horde
  894. E. The Bureau of Aneristic Affairs, and
  895. The Administry for the Orders of Discordia
  896.  
  897. II) THE HOUSE OF THE RISING COLLAPSE
  898. For the Encouragement of Liberation of Freedom, and/or the
  899. Discouragement of the Immanentizing of the Eschaton
  900.  
  901. A. The Breeze of Wisdom and/or The Wind of Insanity
  902. B. The Breeze of Integrity and/or The Wind of Arrogance
  903. C. The Breeze of Beauty and/or The Wind of Outrages
  904. D. The Breeze of Love and/or The Wind of Bombast
  905. E. The Breeze of Laughter and/or The Wind of Bullshit
  906.  
  907. I) THE OUT HOUSE
  908. For what is left over
  909.  
  910. A. Miscellaneous Avatars
  911. B. The Fifth Column
  912. C. POEE =POPES= everywhere
  913. D. Drawer "O" for OUT OF FILE
  914. E. Lost Documents and Forgotten Truths
  915.  
  916.  
  917. _ | _ OFFICIAL -- POEE
  918. \|/ Head Temple, San Francisco
  919. _/|\_ HOUSE OF THE RISING PODGE
  920. | Bureau of The POEE Epistolary [Illustration: various
  921. stamped items, such as
  922. "REGISTERED" and "AN ICE
  923. CREAM PRODUCT"]
  924.  
  925. Office of my High Reverence
  926. Malaclypse the Younger, K.S.C.
  927. OPOVIG -- High Priest POEE
  928.  
  929.  
  930. -21-
  931.  
  932.  
  933. EXCLUSIVE:
  934.  
  935. THE FIVE FINGERED HAND OF ERIS
  936.  
  937. _ | _
  938. \|/
  939. _/|\_
  940. |
  941.  
  942. The official symbol of POEE is here illustrated. It may be this, or
  943. any similar device to represent TWO OPPOSING ARROWS CONVERGING INTO A
  944. COMMON POINT. It may be vertical, horizontal, or else such, and it
  945. may be elaborated or simplified as desired.
  946.  
  947. The esoteric name for this symbol is THE FIVE FINGERED HAND OF
  948. ERIS, commonly shortened to THE HAND.
  949.  
  950. _
  951. NOTE: In the lore of western magic, the /
  952. \_ is taken to symbolize
  953. horns, especially the horns of Satan or of diabolical beasties. The
  954. Five Fingered Hand of Eris, however, is not intended to be taken as
  955. satanic, for the "horns" are supported by another set of inverted
  956. "horns." Or maybe it is walrus tusks. I don't know what it is, to
  957. tell the truth.
  958.  
  959.  
  960. "Surrealism aims at the
  961. total transofmration of the mind
  962. and all that resembles it."
  963. -- Breton
  964.  
  965.  
  966. -22-
  967.  
  968.  
  969. POEE
  970.  
  971. POEE (pronounced "POEE") is an acronym for THE PARATHEO-
  972. ANAMETAMYSTIKHOOD OF ERIS ESOTERIC. The first part can be taken to
  973. mean "equivalent deity, reversing beyond-mystique." We are not really
  974. esoteric, it's just that nobody pays much attention to us.
  975.  
  976. MY HIGH REVERENCE MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER, A.B., D.D., K.S.C., is
  977. the High Priest of POEE, and POEE is grounded in his episkopotic
  978. revelations of the Goddess. He is called the Omnibenevolent
  979. Polyfather of Virginity in Gold.
  980.  
  981. The POEE HEAD TEMPLE is the Joshua Norton Cabal of the Discordian
  982. Society, which is located in Mal-2's pineal gland and can be found by
  983. temporally and spacially locating the rest of Mal-2.
  984.  
  985. POEE has no treasury, no by-laws, no articles, no guides save Mal-
  986. 2's pineal gland, and has only one scruple -- which Mal-2 keeps on his
  987. key chain.
  988.  
  989. POEE has not registered, incorporated, or otherwise chartered with
  990. the State, and so the State does not recognize POEE or POEE
  991. ordinations, which is only fair, because POEE does not recognize the
  992. State.
  993.  
  994. POEE is five DEGREES:
  995. There is the neophyte, or LEGIONNAIRE DISCIPLE.
  996. The LEGIONNAIRE DEACON, who is catching on.
  997. The Ordained POEE PRIEST/PRIESTESS or a CHAPLIN.
  998. The HIGH PRIEST, the Polyfather.
  999. And POEE =POPES=.
  1000.  
  1001. POEE LEGIONNAIRE DISCIPLES are authorized to initiate others as
  1002. Discordian Society Legionnaires. PRIESTS appoint their own DEACONS.
  1003. The POLYFATHER ordains Priests. I don't know about the =POPES=.
  1004.  
  1005.  
  1006. [Illustration: a five-pointed "This book is a mirror. When a
  1007. star with a "5" in the center] monkey looks in, no apostle looks
  1008. out." -- Lichtenberg
  1009.  
  1010.  
  1011. -23-
  1012.  
  1013.  
  1014. OFFICIAL [Illustration: a
  1015. DISCORDIAN SOCIETY flaming eye-in-the-
  1016. HAIL ERIS pyramid]
  1017.  
  1018. APPLICATION OF MEMBERSHIP
  1019.  
  1020. In the Erisian Movement of the DISCORDIAN SOCIETY
  1021.  
  1022. 1. Today's date Yesterday's date
  1023.  
  1024. 2. Purpose of this application: -- membership in a. Legion of
  1025. Dynamic Discord b. POEE c. Bavarian Illuminati d. All
  1026. of the above e. None of the above f. Other -- be SPECIFIC!
  1027.  
  1028. 3. Name: __________________________. Holy Name: _________________.
  1029.  
  1030. Address: _______________________________________________________.
  1031. If temporary, also give an address from which mail can be forwarded
  1032.  
  1033. 4. Description: Born [ ] yes [ ] no. Eyes [ ] 2 [ ] other. Height:
  1034.  
  1035. _____ fl. oz. Last time you had a haircut:
  1036.  
  1037. Reason: __________________________________. Race: [ ] horse
  1038. [ ] human. I.Q.: 150-200 200-250 250-300 over 300.
  1039.  
  1040. 5. History: Education -- highest grade completed 1 2 3 4 5 6
  1041. over 6th. Professional: On another ream of paper list every job
  1042. since 1937 from which you have been fired. Medical: On a
  1043. separate sheet labeled "confidential," list all major psychotic
  1044. episodes experienced within the last 24 hours.
  1045.  
  1046. 6. Sneaky questions to establish personality traits:
  1047. I would rather a. live in an outhouse b. play in a rock group
  1048.  
  1049. c. eat caterpillars. I wear obscene tattoos because _____________
  1050.  
  1051. _________________. I have ceased raping little children [ ] yes
  1052.  
  1053. [ ] no -- reason: ______________________________________________.
  1054.  
  1055. 7. Self-portrait
  1056.  
  1057. +------------------+
  1058. SENDER WAITING! | LICK HERE! |
  1059. Answer by wire | () |
  1060. | (You may be one |
  1061. Rev. Mungo | of the lucky 25) |
  1062. For Office Use Only -- acc. rej. burned +------------------+
  1063.  
  1064.  
  1065. -24-
  1066. \ /
  1067. --------
  1068. / \
  1069.  
  1070. POEE & ITS PRIESTS
  1071.  
  1072. If you like Erisianism as it is presented according to Mal-2, then you
  1073. may wish to form your own POEE CABAL as a POEE PRIEST and you can go
  1074. do a bunch of POEE Priestly Things. A "POEE Cabal" is exactly what
  1075. you think it is.
  1076.  
  1077. The High Priest makes no demands on his Priests, though he does rather
  1078. expect good will of them. The Office of the Polyfather is to point,
  1079. not to teach. Once in a while, he even listens.
  1080.  
  1081. Should you find that your own revelations of the Goddess become
  1082. substantially different than the revelations of Mal-2, then perhaps
  1083. the Goddess has plans for you as an Episkopos, and you might consider
  1084. creating your own sect from scratch, unhindered. Episkoposes are not
  1085. competing with each other, and they are all POEE Priests anyway (as
  1086. soon as I locate them). The point is that Episkoposes are developing
  1087. separate paths to the Erisian mountain top. See the section
  1088. "Discordian Society."
  1089.  
  1090. CAUTION
  1091. <---------<<
  1092. INSERTS
  1093. ORDINATION AS A POEE PRIEST
  1094.  
  1095. There are no particular qualifications for Ordination because if you
  1096. want to be a POEE Priest then you must undoubtedlly qualify. Who
  1097. could possible know better than you whether or not you should be
  1098. Ordinaned?
  1099.  
  1100. An ORDINED POEE PRIEST or PRIESTESS is defined as "one who holds an
  1101. Ordination Certificate from the Office of the Polyfather."
  1102.  
  1103. Seek into the Chao if you wouldst be wise
  1104. And find ye delight in Her Great Surprise!
  1105. Look into the Chao if you wantest to know
  1106. What's in a Chao and why it ain't so!
  1107. HBT; The Book of Advice, 1:1
  1108.  
  1109.  
  1110. -25-
  1111.  
  1112.  
  1113. Would Council of Churches Boutique
  1114.  
  1115. NOTE TO POEE PRIESTS
  1116.  
  1117. The Polyfather wishes to remind all Erisians that POEE was conceived
  1118. not as a commercial enterprise, and that you are requested to keep
  1119. your cool when seeking funds for POEE Cabals or when spreading the
  1120. POEE Word via the marketplace.
  1121.  
  1122.  
  1123. [Illustration: a man wearing a Mickey Mouse hat bursting out of a
  1124. newspaper, with the balloon, "Hey! Where's da pixs? Mumble, mumble,
  1125. pissondis...!"]
  1126.  
  1127.  
  1128. -26-
  1129.  
  1130.  
  1131. The hidden stone ripens fast,
  1132. Then laid bare like a turnip
  1133. Can easily be cut out at last
  1134. But even then the danger isn't past.
  1135. That man lives best who's fain
  1136. To live half mad, half sane.
  1137. -- Flemish Poet Jan van
  1138. Stijevoort, 1524
  1139.  
  1140.  
  1141. THE ERISIAN AFFIRMATION
  1142.  
  1143. BEFORE THE GODDESS ERIS, I (name or holy name), DO HEREWITH DECLARE
  1144. MYSELF A POEE BROTHER OF THE LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD.
  1145. HAIL HAIL HAIL HAIL HAIL ERIS ERIS ERIS ERIS ERIS
  1146. ALL HAIL DISCORDIA!
  1147.  
  1148. The presiding POEE Official (if any) responds:
  1149.  
  1150. ALL HAIL DISCORDIA!
  1151.  
  1152. DON'T PHONE
  1153.  
  1154. FIND THE GODDESS ERIS To diverse gods
  1155. WITHIN YOUR PINEAL GLAND Do mortals bow;
  1156. POEE Holy Cow, and
  1157. Wholly Chao.
  1158. -- Rev. Dr. Grindlebone
  1159. "Common sense is what tells you that Monroe Cabal
  1160. the world is flat."
  1161.  
  1162.  
  1163. -27-
  1164.  
  1165.  
  1166. [Illustration: a cockroach] This is St. Gulik. He is the Messenger
  1167. of the Goddess. A different age from
  1168. ours called him Hermes. Many people
  1169. have called him by many names. He is
  1170. a Roach.
  1171.  
  1172. Legion of Dynamic Discord
  1173. HARK!
  1174.  
  1175. Recognize that the -- Discordian Society -- doth hereby certify
  1176.  
  1177.  
  1178.  
  1179. as a Legionnaire
  1180.  
  1181. Glory to we children of ERIS!
  1182.  
  1183. Presented under the auspices of our
  1184. Lady of Discord, ERIS, by
  1185. the House of the Apostles of ERIS.
  1186. \ /
  1187. [Illustration: the --------
  1188. Golden Apple] / \
  1189. D S OFFICE OF MY HIGH REVERENCE
  1190. MALALCYPSE THE YOUNGER, K.S.C.
  1191. OPOVIG -- HIGH PRIEST POEE
  1192.  
  1193.  
  1194. -28-
  1195.  
  1196. GENERAL LICENSE
  1197.  
  1198. HOW TO START A POEE CABAL
  1199. WITHOUT MESSING AROUND WITH THE POLYFATHER
  1200.  
  1201. If you cannot find the Polyfather, or having found him, don't want
  1202. anything to do with him, you are still authorized to form your own
  1203. POEE CABAL and do Priestly Things, using the _Principia Discordia_ as
  1204. a guide. Your Official Rank will be POEE CHAPLIN for THE LEGION OF
  1205. DYNAMIC DISCORD, which is exactly the same as a POEE PRIEST except
  1206. that you don't have an Ordination Certificate. The words you are now
  1207. reading are your ordination.
  1208.  
  1209. HOW TO BECOME A POEE CHAPLIN
  1210. 1. Write the ERISIAN AFFIRMATION in five copies.
  1211. 2. Sign and nose-print each copy.
  1212. 3. Send one to the President of the United States.
  1213. 4. Send one to
  1214. The California State Bureau of Furniture and Bedding
  1215. 1021 'D' Street, Sacramento, CA 94814
  1216. 5. Nail one to a telephone pole. Hide one. And burn the other.
  1217. Then consult your pineal gland.
  1218.  
  1219. [Illustration: a cow sitting
  1220. in a meat freezer, thinking,
  1221. "General License was Sgt.
  1222. Pepper's Commander"]
  1223.  
  1224. OLD POEE SLOGAN:
  1225. When in doubt, fuck it.
  1226. When not in doubt...get in doubt!
  1227.  
  1228.  
  1229. -29-
  1230.  
  1231.  
  1232. Trip FIVE
  1233.  
  1234. This Mystree Rite is not required for initiation, but it is offered by
  1235. many POEE Priest to proselytes who desire a formal ceremony.
  1236.  
  1237. 1. The Priest and four Brothers are arranged in a pentagon with the
  1238. Initiate in the center facing the Priest. If possible, the Brothers
  1239. on the immediate right and left of the Priest should be Deacons. The
  1240. Initiate must be totally naked, to demonstrate that he is truly a
  1241. human being and not something else in dusguise like a cabbage or
  1242. something.
  1243.  
  1244. 2. All persons in the audience and the pnetagon, excepting the
  1245. Priest, assume a squatting position and return to a standing position.
  1246. This is repeated four more times. This dance is symbolic of the
  1247. humility of we Erisians.
  1248.  
  1249. 3. The Priest begins:
  1250.  
  1251. I, (complete holy name, with mystical titles, and degrees,
  1252. designations, offices, etc.), Ordained Priest of the Paratheo-
  1253. anametamystikhood of Eris Esoteric, with the Authority invested in me
  1254. by the High Priest of It, Office of the Polyfather, the House of the
  1255. Rising Podge, POEE Head Temple; do herewith require of ye:
  1256. 1. Are ye a human being and not a cabbage or something? (The
  1257. Initiate answers, "Yes.")
  1258. 2. That's too bad. Do ye wish to better thyself? (The Initiate
  1259. answers, "Yes.")
  1260. 3. How stupid. Are ye willing to become philosophically
  1261. illuminized? (He answers, "Yes.")
  1262. 4. Very funny. Will ye dedicate yeself to the Holy Erisian
  1263. Movement? (The Initiate answers, "Probably.")
  1264. 5. Then swear ye the following after me: (The Priest here leads
  1265. the Initiate in a recital of THE ERISIAN AFFIRMATION.) The
  1266. Priest continues: Then I do here proclaim ye POEE disciple
  1267. (name), Legionnaire of Dynamic Discord. Hail Eris! Hail
  1268. hail! Hail yes!
  1269.  
  1270. 4. All present rejoice grandly. The new Brother opens a large jug of
  1271. wine and offers it to all who are present.
  1272.  
  1273. 5. The Ceremony generally degenerates.
  1274.  
  1275. Mord says that Omar DO NOT PULL
  1276. says that we are ON YELLOW TIP
  1277. all unicorns anyway
  1278.  
  1279. 3. And though Omar did bid of the Collector of
  1280. Garbage, in words that were both sweet and
  1281. bitter, to surrender back the cigar box containing
  1282. the cards desginated by the Angel as the Honest
  1283. Book of Truth, the Collector was to him as one
  1284. who might be smitted deaf, saying only, 'Gainst
  1285. the rules, y'know.
  1286. HBT; The Book of Explanations, Chap. 2
  1287.  
  1288. ANSWERS:
  1289. 1. Harry Houdini
  1290. 2. Swing music
  1291. 3. Pretzels
  1292. 4. 8 months
  1293. 5. Testy Culbert
  1294. 6. It protrudes
  1295. 7. No vocal cords
  1296.  
  1297. DISCARDED
  1298.  
  1299.  
  1300. -31-
  1301.  
  1302.  
  1303. THE POEE MYSTEREE OATH G3400
  1304. 50
  1305. The Initiate swears the following: DMTS
  1306. FLYING BABY SHIT!!!!! 19
  1307.  
  1308. (Brothers of the Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria sect may wish to
  1309. substitute the German:
  1310. FLIEGENDE KINDERSCHEISSE!
  1311. or perhaps "FOREIGN"
  1312. WIECZNY KWIAT WTADZA!
  1313. which is Ewige Blumenkraft in Polish.)
  1314.  
  1315. The recent expose that
  1316. Mr. Momomoto, famous
  1317. Japanese who can swallow
  1318. [Illustration: a fish biting his nose, cannot swallow
  1319. a fishing lure that is the Five his nose but his brother can,
  1320. Fingered Hand of Eris] has been exposed! It _is_
  1321. Mr. Momomoto who can
  1322. swallow his nose. He
  1323. swallowed his brother
  1324. in the summer of '44.
  1325.  
  1326. Corrections to last week's copy: Johnny Sample is
  1327. offensive cornerback for the New York Jets, not fullback
  1328. as stated. Bobby Tolan's name is not Randy, but mud. All
  1329. power to the people, and ban the fucking bomb.
  1330.  
  1331. "This Statement is False"
  1332. (courtesy of POEE)
  1333.  
  1334.  
  1335. -32-
  1336.  
  1337. No two equals are the same!
  1338.  
  1339. [Illustration: two Golden Apples garnish the statement
  1340. THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY]
  1341.  
  1342. The Discordian Society has no definition.
  1343.  
  1344. I sometimes think of it as a disorganization of Eris Freaks. It
  1345. has been called a guerrila mind theatre. Episkopos Randomfactor,
  1346. Director of Purges of Our People's Underworld Movement sect in
  1347. Larchmont, prefers "The World's Greatest Association of whatever-it-
  1348. is-that-we-are." Lady Mal thinks of it as a RENAISSANCE THINK TANK.
  1349. Fang the Unwashed, W.K.C., won't say. You can think of it any way
  1350. you like.
  1351.  
  1352. AN EPISKOPOS OF THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY
  1353. is one who prefers total automony, and creates his own Discordian
  1354. sect as The Goddess directs him. He speaks for himself and for those
  1355. that say that they like what he says.
  1356.  
  1357. THE LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD:
  1358. A Discordian Society Legionnaire is one who prefers not to create
  1359. his own sect.
  1360.  
  1361. If you want in on the Discordian Society Some Episkoposes
  1362. then declare yourself what you wish have a one-man cabal.
  1363. do what you like Some work together.
  1364. and tell us about it Some never do explain.
  1365. or
  1366. if you prefer
  1367. don't.
  1368.  
  1369. There are no rules anywhere.
  1370. The Goddess Prevails.
  1371.  
  1372.  
  1373. When I get to the bottom I go back to the top
  1374. of the slide where I stop and I turn and I go
  1375. for a ride, then I get to the bottom and I see
  1376. you again! Helter skelter!
  1377. -- John Lennon
  1378.  
  1379. "Everybody I know who is right
  1380. always agrees with _me_"
  1381. -- Rev. Lady Mal
  1382.  
  1383.  
  1384. -33-
  1385.  
  1386.  
  1387. THE GOLDEN APPLE CORPS
  1388.  
  1389. The Golden Apple Corps* is an honorary position for the Keepers of the
  1390. Sacred Chao, so that they can put "K.S.C." after their names.
  1391.  
  1392. It says little,
  1393. does less, TRAVEL AGENT
  1394. means
  1395. nothing.
  1396.  
  1397. ----------
  1398. * Not to be confused with The Apple Corps, Ltd. of those four singers.
  1399. We thought of it first.
  1400.  
  1401.  
  1402. [Illustration of a bearded man in a priest's robe,
  1403. making the 'V' sign with his left hand, and a
  1404. Hand of Eris pendant hangs around his neck]
  1405.  
  1406. THE NUMERAL V SIGN
  1407. Used by Old Roman Discordians, Illuminatus Churchill,
  1408. and innocent hippies everywhere.
  1409.  
  1410.  
  1411. -34-
  1412.  
  1413.  
  1414. PERPETUAL DATE CONVERTER FROM GREGORIAN TO POEE CALENDAR
  1415.  
  1416. SEASONS
  1417. 1. Chaos -- Patron Apostle Hung Mung
  1418. 2. Discord -- Patron Apostle Dr. Van Van Mojo
  1419. 3. Confusion -- Patron Apostle Sri Syadasti
  1420. 4. Bureaucracy -- Patron Apostle Zarathud
  1421. 5. The Aftermath -- Patron Apostle the Elder Malaclypse
  1422.  
  1423. DAYS OF THE WEEK*
  1424. 1. Sweetmorn *The DAYS OF THE WEEK
  1425. 2. Boomtime are named from the five
  1426. 3. Pungenday basic elements: SWEET,
  1427. 4. Prickle-Prickle BOOM, PUNGENT, PRICKLE,
  1428. 5. Setting Orange and ORANGE.
  1429.  
  1430. HOLYDAYS
  1431. A. Apostle Holydays B. Seasons Holydays
  1432. 1. Mungday 1. Chaoflux
  1433. 2. Mojoday 2. Discoflux
  1434. 3. Syaday 3. Confuflux
  1435. 4. Zaraday 4. Bureflux
  1436. 5. Maladay 5. Afflux
  1437. Each occurs on the 5th Each occurs on the 50th
  1438. day of the Season day of the Season
  1439.  
  1440. C. Saint Tib's Day -- occurs once every four years (1 + 4 = 5) and is
  1441. inserted between the 59th and 60th days of the Season of Chaos
  1442.  
  1443. ST BT PD PP SO SM BT PD PP SO
  1444. Jan 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 Chs Jul 5 6 7 8 9 40 41 42 43 44 Cfn
  1445. 6 7 8 9 10 6 7 8 9 10 10 11 12 13 14 45 46 47 48 49
  1446. 11 12 13 14 15 11 12 13 14 15 15 16 17 18 19 50 51 52 53 54
  1447. 16 17 18 19 20 16 17 18 19 20 20 21 22 23 24 55 56 57 58 59
  1448. 21 22 23 24 25 21 22 23 24 25 25 26 27 28 29 60 61 62 63 64
  1449. 26 27 28 29 30 26 27 28 29 30 30 31 1 2 3 65 66 67 68 69
  1450. 31 1 2 3 4 31 32 33 34 35 Aug 4 5 6 7 8 70 71 72 73 1 Bcy
  1451. Feb 5 6 7 8 9 36 37 38 39 40 9 10 11 12 13 2 3 4 5 6
  1452. 10 11 12 13 14 41 42 43 44 45 14 15 16 17 18 7 8 9 10 11
  1453. 15 16 17 18 19 46 47 48 49 50 19 20 21 22 23 12 13 14 15 16
  1454. 20 21 22 23 24 51 52 53 54 55 24 25 26 27 28 17 18 19 20 21
  1455. 25 26 27 28* 1 56 57 58 59 60 29 30 31 1 2 22 23 24 25 26
  1456. Mar 2 3 4 5 6 61 62 63 64 65 Sep 3 4 5 6 7 27 28 29 30 31
  1457. 7 8 9 10 11 66 67 68 69 70 8 9 10 11 12 32 33 34 35 36
  1458. 12 13 14 15 16 71 72 73 1 2 Dsc 13 14 15 16 17 37 38 39 40 41
  1459. 17 18 19 20 21 3 4 5 6 7 18 19 20 21 22 42 43 44 45 46
  1460. 22 23 24 25 26 8 9 10 11 12 23 24 25 26 27 47 48 49 50 51
  1461. 27 28 29 30 31 13 14 15 16 17 28 29 30 1 2 52 53 54 55 56
  1462. Apr 1 2 3 4 5 18 19 20 21 22 Oct 3 4 5 6 7 57 58 59 60 61
  1463. 6 7 8 9 10 23 24 25 26 27 8 9 10 11 12 62 63 64 65 66
  1464. 11 12 13 14 15 28 29 30 31 32 13 14 15 16 17 67 68 69 70 71
  1465. 16 17 18 19 20 33 34 35 36 37 18 19 20 21 22 72 73 1 2 3 Afm
  1466. 21 22 23 24 25 38 39 40 41 42 23 24 25 26 27 4 5 6 7 8
  1467. 26 27 28 29 30 43 44 45 46 47 28 29 30 31 1 9 10 11 12 13
  1468. May 1 2 3 4 5 48 49 50 51 52 Nov 2 3 4 5 6 14 15 16 17 18
  1469. 6 7 8 9 10 53 54 55 56 57 7 8 9 10 11 19 20 21 22 23
  1470. 11 12 13 14 15 58 59 60 61 62 12 13 14 15 16 24 25 26 27 28
  1471. 16 17 18 19 20 63 64 65 66 67 17 18 19 20 21 29 30 31 32 33
  1472. 21 22 23 24 25 68 69 70 71 72 22 23 24 25 26 34 35 36 37 38
  1473. 26 27 28 29 30 73 1 2 3 4 Cfn 27 28 29 30 1 39 40 41 42 43
  1474. 31 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Dec 2 3 4 5 6 44 45 46 47 48
  1475. Jun 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 7 8 9 10 11 49 50 51 52 53
  1476. 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 12 13 14 15 16 54 55 56 57 58
  1477. 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 17 18 19 20 21 59 60 61 62 63
  1478. 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 22 23 24 25 26 64 65 66 67 68
  1479. 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 27 28 29 30 31 69 70 71 72 73
  1480. 30 1 2 3 4 35 36 37 38 39 [1970 = 3136] [Next St. Tib's Day in 3138]
  1481.  
  1482. SACRED DOCUMENT OF THE FROGS (old Erisian poem):
  1483. 73 Days hath
  1484. Chaos, Discord, Confusion, Bureaucracy, and Aftermath
  1485.  
  1486.  
  1487. -35-
  1488.  
  1489.  
  1490. HOLY NAMES
  1491.  
  1492. Discordians have a tradition of assuming HOLY NAMES. This is not
  1493. unique with Erisianism, of course. I suppose Pope Paul is the son of
  1494. Mr. and Mrs. VI?
  1495.  
  1496. And also TITLES OF MYSTICAL IMPORT.
  1497.  
  1498. [Illustration: a pope-looking individual with the balloon, "SO??"]
  1499.  
  1500. Will whoever stole Brother Reverend
  1501. Magoon's pornography please return it.
  1502.  
  1503.  
  1504. -36-
  1505.  
  1506.  
  1507. [Illustration: a confusion mish-mash of images, drawings, and
  1508. pictures, including: a middle finger extended, the golden apple, the
  1509. emblem on the back of the dollar bill which has the eye-in-the-
  1510. pyramid, a cannon with a mouth on the end, and so on.]
  1511.  
  1512. +---------------------------------------------------------+
  1513. | THE BEARER OF THIS CARD |
  1514. | IS A GENUINE AND AUTHORIZED |
  1515. | P O P E |
  1516. | So PLEASE Treat Him Right |
  1517. | |
  1518. | GOOD FOREVER |
  1519. | |
  1520. | Genuine and authorized by the HOUSE of APOSTLES of ERIS |
  1521. | ------------------------------------------------------- |
  1522. | Every man, woman and child on this Earth |
  1523. | is a genuine and authorized Pope. |
  1524. | Reproduce and distribute these cards freely |
  1525. | P.O.E.E. -- Head Temple, San Francisco |
  1526. +---------------------------------------------------------+
  1527. A =POPE= is someone who is not under the authority of the authorities
  1528.  
  1529. [Illustration: a block of stone
  1530. with a hole in the center, and
  1531. through the hole an eye is peering
  1532. out. Written on the stone are
  1533. the words, "THOU ART WHOLE"] O K
  1534.  
  1535.  
  1536. -37-
  1537.  
  1538.  
  1539. FOR YOUR
  1540. ENLIGHTENMENT
  1541.  
  1542. THE PARABLE OF THE BITTER TEA
  1543. Rev. Dr. Hypocrates Magoun, P.P.
  1544. POEE PRIEST, Okinawa Cabal
  1545.  
  1546. When Hypoc was through meditating with St. Gulik, he went there into
  1547. the kitchen where he busied himself with preparing the feast and in
  1548. his endeavor, he found that there was some old tea in a pan left
  1549. standing from the night before, when he had in his weakness forgot
  1550. about its making and had let it sit steeping for twenty-four hours.
  1551. It was dark and murky and it was Hypoc's intention to use this old tea
  1552. by diluting it with water. And again in his weakness, chose without
  1553. further consideration and plunged into the physical labor of the
  1554. preparations. It was then when deeply immersed in the pleasure of
  1555. that trip, he had a sudden loud clear voice in his head, saying, "It
  1556. is bitter tea that involves you so." Hypoc heard the voice, but the
  1557. struggle inside intensified, and the pattern, previously established
  1558. with the physical laboring and the muscle messages coordinated and
  1559. unified or perhaps coded, continued to exert their influence and Hypoc
  1560. succumbed to the pressure and he denied the voice.
  1561.  
  1562. And again he plunged into the physical orgy and completed the
  1563. task, and Lo, as the voice had predicted, the tea was bitter.
  1564.  
  1565. "The Five Laws have root in awareness."
  1566. -- Che Fung (Ezra Pound, Canto 85)
  1567.  
  1568. The Hell Law says that Hell is reserved
  1569. exclusively for them that believe in it. Further,
  1570. the lowest Rung in Hell is reserved for them
  1571. that believe in it on the supposition that
  1572. they'll go there if they don't.
  1573. HBT; The Gospel According to Fred, 3:1
  1574.  
  1575.  
  1576. -38-
  1577.  
  1578.  
  1579. A SERMON ON ETHICS AND LOVE
  1580.  
  1581. One day Mal-2 asked the messenger spirit Saint Gulik to approach the
  1582. Goddess and request Her presence for some desperate advice. Shortly
  1583. afterwards the radio came on by itself, and an ethereal female Voice
  1584. said YES?
  1585.  
  1586. "O! Eris! Blessed Mother of Man! Queen of Chaos! Daughter of
  1587. Discord! Concubine of Confusion! O! Exquisite Lady, I beseech You
  1588. to lift a heavy burden from my heart!"
  1589.  
  1590. WHAT BOTHERS YOU, MAL? YOU DON'T SOUND WELL.
  1591.  
  1592. "I am filled with fear and tormented with terrible visions of
  1593. pain. Everywhere people are hurting one another, the planet is
  1594. rampant with injustices, whole societies plunder groups of their own
  1595. people, mothers imprison sons, children perish while brothers war. O,
  1596. woe."
  1597.  
  1598. WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH THAT, IF IT IS WHAT YOU WANT TO DO?
  1599.  
  1600. "But nobody _wants_ it! Everybody hates it."
  1601.  
  1602. OH. WELL, THEN STOP.
  1603.  
  1604. At which moment She turned Herself into an aspirin commercial and
  1605. left The Polyfather, stranded alone with his species.
  1606.  
  1607. SINISTER DEXTER HAS A BROKEN SPIROMETER.
  1608.  
  1609.  
  1610. -39-
  1611.  
  1612.  
  1613. CHAPTER 5: THE PIONEERS
  1614.  
  1615. THE FIVE APOSTLES OF ERIS & WHO THEY BE
  1616.  
  1617. 1. HUNG MUNG
  1618. A sage of Ancient China and Official Discordian Missionary to the
  1619. Heathen Chinee. He who originally devised THE SACRED CHAO. Patron of
  1620. The Season of Chaos. Holyday: 5 Jan.
  1621.  
  1622. 2. DR. VAN VAN MOJO
  1623. A Head Doctor of Deep Africa and Maker of Fine Dolls. D.H.V., "Doctor
  1624. of Voodoo and Vexes," from The Greater Metropolitan Yorba Linda Jesus
  1625. Will Save Your Bod Home Study Bible School; and F.I.H.G.W.P., "Fellow
  1626. of the Intergalactic Haitian Guerillas for World Peace." Patron of
  1627. The Season of Discord. Holyday: 19 Mar.
  1628. Note: Erisians of The Laughing Christ sect are of the silly
  1629. contention that Dr. Mojo is an imposter and that PATAMUNZO LINGANANDA
  1630. is the True Second Apostle. Lord Omar claims that Mr. Mojo heaps
  1631. hatred and curses on Patamunzo, who sends only Love Vibrations in
  1632. return. But we have the POEE sect know that Patamunzo is the Real
  1633. Imposter, and that those vibrations of his are actually an attempt to
  1634. subvert Dr. Mojo's rightful apostilic authority by shaking him out of
  1635. his wits.
  1636.  
  1637. 3. SRI SYA-DASTI SYA-DAVAK-TAVYA SYA-DASTI-SYA-NASTI SYA-DASTI-DAVAK-
  1638. TAV-YASKA SYA-DASTI-SYA-NASTI-SYA-DAVAK-TAV-YASKA SYA-DASTI-SYA-NASTI-
  1639. SYA-DAVAK-TAV-YASKA, commonly just called SRI SYADASTI
  1640. (His name is Sanskrit, and means: All affirmations are true in some
  1641. sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some sense, true and false
  1642. in some sense, true and meaningless in some sense, false and
  1643. meaningless in some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some
  1644. sense.) He is an Indian pundit and prince, born of the Peyotl Tribe,
  1645. son of Gentle Chief Sun Flower Seed and the squaw Merry Jane. Patron
  1646. to psychedelic type Discordians. Patron of The Season of Confusion.
  1647. Holyday: 31 May.
  1648. Note: Sri Syadasti should not be confused with BLESSED ST. GULIK THE
  1649. STONED, who is not the same person but is the same Apostle.
  1650.  
  1651. 4. ZARATHUD THE INCORRIGIBLE, sometimes called ZARATHUD THE STAUNCH
  1652. A hard nosed hermit of Medieval Europe and Chaosphe Bible Banger.
  1653. Dubbed "Offender of the Faith." Discovered the Five Commandments.
  1654. Patron of The Season of Bureaucracy. Holyday: 12 Aug.
  1655.  
  1656. 5. THE ELDER MALACLYPSE
  1657. A wandering wiseman of Ancient Mediterrania ("Med-Terra" or middle
  1658. earth), who followed a five-pointed star through the alleys of Rome,
  1659. Damascus, Baghdad, Jerusalem, Mecca, and Cairo, bearing a sign that
  1660. seemed to read "DOOM." (This is a misunderstanding. The sign
  1661. actually read, "DUMB." Mal-1 was a non-prophet.) Patron and namesake
  1662. of Mal-2. Patron on The Season of Aftermath. Holyday: 24 Oct.
  1663.  
  1664. All statements are true in some sense, The teachings of the Sri Syadasti School
  1665. Dfalse in some sense, meaningless in of Spiritual Wisdom are true in some
  1666. some sense, true and false in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless
  1667. sense, true and meaningless in some in some sense, true and false in some
  1668. sense, and true and false and sense, true and meaningless in some
  1669. meaningless in some sense. A public sense, and true and false and
  1670. service clarification by the Sri meaningless in some sense. Patamunzo
  1671. Syadasti School of Spiritual Wisdom, Lingananda School of Higher Spiritual
  1672. Wilmette. Wisdom, Skokie.
  1673.  
  1674.  
  1675. -41-
  1676.  
  1677.  
  1678. [Illustration: a woman sitting on a stool and drawing, with a child beneath
  1679. her. The woman is saying, "Hey, man...great! I feel goofy, the way my old
  1680. man looks when he's drunk!"]
  1681.  
  1682. THE HONEST BOOK OF TRUTH
  1683. being a BIBLE of The Erisian Movement
  1684.  
  1685. and How It was Revealed to
  1686. Episkopos LORD OMAR KHAYYAM RAVENHURST, K.S.C.; Bull Goose
  1687. of Limbo; and Master Pastor of the Church Invisible of
  1688. The Laughing Christ, Hidden Temple of The Happy Jesus,
  1689. Laughing Buddha Jesus (LBJ) Ranch
  1690.  
  1691. [Illustration: a crufix with
  1692. a smile nailed to it]
  1693.  
  1694. From The Honest Book of Truth
  1695. THE BOOK OF EXPLANATIONS, Chapter I
  1696.  
  1697. 1. There came on day to Lord Omar, Bull Goose of Limbo, a Messenger
  1698. of Our Lady who told him of a Sacred Mound wherein was buried an
  1699. Honest Book.
  1700.  
  1701. 2. And the Angel of Eris bade of the Lord: Go ye hence and dig the
  1702. Truth, that ye may come to know it and, knowing it, spread it and,
  1703. spreading it, wallow in it and, wallowing in it, lie in it and, lying
  1704. in the Truth, become a Poet of the Word and a Sayer of Sayings - an
  1705. Inspiration to all men and a Scribe to the Gods.
  1706.  
  1707. 3. So Omar went forth to the Sacred Mound, which was to the East of
  1708. Nullah, and thereupon he worked digging in the sand for five days and
  1709. five nights, but found no Book.
  1710.  
  1711. 4. At the end of five days and five nights of digging, it came to
  1712. pass that Omar was exhausted. So he put his shovel to one side and
  1713. bedded himself down on the sand, using as a pillow a Golden Chest he
  1714. had uncovered on the first day of his labors.
  1715.  
  1716. 5. Omar slept.
  1717.  
  1718. 6. On the fifth day of his sleeping, Lord Omar fell into a Trance,
  1719. and there came to him in the Trance a Dream, and there came to him in
  1720. the Dream a Messenger of Our Lady who told him of a Sacred Grove
  1721. wherein was hidden a Golden Chest.
  1722.  
  1723. 7. And the Angel of Eris bade to the Lord: Go ye hence and lift the
  1724. Stash, that ye may come to own it and, owning it, share it and,
  1725. sharing it, love in it and, loving in it, dwell in it and, dwelling in
  1726. the Stash, become a Poet of the Word and a Sayer of Sayings - an
  1727. Inspiration to all men and a Scribe to the Gods.
  1728.  
  1729. 8. But Omar lamented, saying unto the Angel: What is this shit, man?
  1730. What care I for the Word and Sayings? What care I for the Inspiration
  1731. of all men? Wherein does it profit a man to be a Scribe to the Gods
  1732. when the Scribes of the Governments do nothing, yet are paid better
  1733. wages?
  1734.  
  1735. 9. And, lo, the Angel waxed in anger and Omar was stricken to the
  1736. Ground by an Invisible Hand and did not arise for five days and five
  1737. nights.
  1738.  
  1739. 10. And it came to pass that on the fifth night he dreamt, and in his
  1740. Dream he had a Vision, and in this Vision there came unto him a
  1741. Messenger of Our Lady who entrusted to him a Rigoletto cigar box
  1742. containing many filing cards, some of the in packs with rubber bands
  1743. around, and upon these cards were sometimes written verses, while upon
  1744. others nothing was written.
  1745.  
  1746. 11. Thereupon the Angel Commanded the Lord: Take ye this Honest Book
  1747. of Truth to thine bosom and cherish it. Carry it forth to The Land
  1748. and lay it before Kings of Nations and Collectors of Garbage. Preach
  1749. from it unto the Righteous, that they may renounce their ways and
  1750. repent.
  1751.  
  1752.  
  1753. -42-
  1754.  
  1755.  
  1756. CONVENTIONAL CHAOS
  1757. DO NOT BEND
  1758.  
  1759. GREYFACE
  1760.  
  1761. In the year 1166 B.C., a malcontented hunchbrain by the name of
  1762. Greyface, got it into his head that the universe was as humorless as
  1763. he, and he began to teach that play was sinful because it contradicted
  1764. the ways of Serious Order. "Look at all the order about you," he
  1765. said. And from that, he deluded honest men to believe that reality
  1766. was a strait jacket affair and not the happy romance as men had known
  1767. it.
  1768.  
  1769. It is not presently understood why men were so gullible at that
  1770. particular time, for absolutely no one thought to observe all the
  1771. _disorder_ around them and conclude just the opposite. But anyway,
  1772. Greyface and his followers took the game of playing at life more
  1773. seriously than they took life itself and were known even to destroy
  1774. other living beings whose ways of life differed from their own.
  1775.  
  1776. The unfortunate result of this is that mankind has since been
  1777. suffering from a psychological and spiritual imbalance. Imbalance
  1778. causes frustration, and frustration causes fear. And fear makes a bad
  1779. trip. Man has been on a bad trip for a long time now.
  1780.  
  1781. It is called THE CURSE OF GREYFACE.
  1782.  
  1783.  
  1784. Bullshit makes
  1785. the flowers grow
  1786. & that's beautiful.
  1787.  
  1788.  
  1789. -43-
  1790.  
  1791.  
  1792. MAP LIBRARY Climb into the Chao with a friend or two
  1793. MAP LIBRARY And follow the Way it carries you,
  1794. MAP LIBRARY Adrift like a Lunatic Lifeboat Crew
  1795. Over the Waves in whatever you do.
  1796. HBT; The Book of Advice, 1:1
  1797.  
  1798. MANDALA
  1799.  
  1800. [Illustration: Five irregularly shaped nine-sided figures are
  1801. arranged so that the overall appearance is of a pentagon. The Hand of
  1802. Eris rests inside them all.]
  1803.  
  1804. NO TWO ELEMENTS INTERLOCK
  1805. BUT ALL FIVE DO INTERLOCK
  1806.  
  1807.  
  1808. -44-
  1809.  
  1810.  
  1811. MEANWHILE, at the Chinese laundromat...
  1812.  
  1813. DOGMA I - METAPHYSICS #2, "COSMOLOGY"*
  1814.  
  1815. THE BOOK OF THE UTERUS
  1816. from The Honest Book of Truth
  1817. revealed to Lord Omar
  1818.  
  1819. -I-
  1820.  
  1821. 1. Before the beginning was the Nonexistent Chao, balanced in
  1822. Oblivion by the Perfect Counterpushpull of the Hodge and the Podge.
  1823. 2. Whereupon, by an Act of Happenstance, the Hodge began
  1824. gradually to overpower the Podge - and the Primal Chaos thereby came
  1825. to be.
  1826. 3. So in the beginning was the Primal Chaos, balanced on the Edge
  1827. of Oblivion by the Perfect Counterpushpull of the Podge and the Hodge.
  1828. 4. Whereupon, by the Law of Negative Reversal,** the Podge
  1829. swiftly underpowered the Hodge and Everything broke loose.
  1830. 5. And therein emerged the Active Force of Discord, the Subtle
  1831. Manifestation of the Nonexistent Chao, to guide Everything along the
  1832. Path back to Oblivion - that it might not become lost among Precepts
  1833. of Order to the Region of Thud.
  1834. 6. Forasmuch as it was Active, the Force of Discord entered the
  1835. State of Confusion, wherein It copulated with the Queen and begat
  1836. ERIS, Our Lady of Discord and Gross Manifestation of the Nonexistent
  1837. Chao.
  1838. 7. And under Eris Confusion became established, and was hence
  1839. called Bureaucracy; while over Bureaucracy Eris became established,
  1840. and was hence called Discordia.
  1841. 8. By the by it came to pass that the Establishment of
  1842. Bureaucracy perished in a paper shortage.
  1843. 9. Thus it was, in accord with the Law of Laws.
  1844. [A hand points
  1845. to the next page]
  1846. 10. During and after the Fall of the Establishment of Bureaucracy
  1847. was the Aftermath, an Age of Disorder in which calculation,
  1848. computations, and reckonings were put away by the Children of Eris in
  1849. Acceptance and Preparation for Return to Oblivion to be followed by a
  1850. Repetition of the Universal Absurdity. Moreover, of Itself the Coming
  1851. of Aftermath waseth a Resurrection of the Freedom-flowing Chaos. HAIL
  1852. ERIS!
  1853. 11. Herein was set into motion the Eristic Pattern, which would
  1854. Repeat Itself Five Times Over Seventy-three Times, after which nothing
  1855. would happen.
  1856.  
  1857. ----------
  1858. * This doctrine should not be confused with DOGMA III -- HISTORY #6,
  1859. "HISTORIC CYCLES," which states that social progress occurs in five
  1860. cycles, the first three ("The Tricycle") of which are THESIS,
  1861. ANTITHESIS and PARENTHESIS; and the last two ("The Bicycle") of which
  1862. are CONSTERNATION and MORAL WARPTITUDE.
  1863.  
  1864. ** The LAW OF NEGATIVE REVERSAL states that if something does -not-
  1865. happen then the exact opposite _will_ happen, only in exactly the
  1866. opposite manner from that in which it did not happen.
  1867.  
  1868. NOTE: It is from this text from The Book of Uterus, that POEE has
  1869. based its Erisian Calendar with the year divided into 6 Seasons of 73
  1870. days each. Each of the Five Apostles of Eris has patronage over one
  1871. Season.
  1872.  
  1873. DULL BUT SINCERE FILLER
  1874.  
  1875.  
  1876. -46-
  1877.  
  1878.  
  1879. "And behold, thusly was the Law formulated:
  1880. IMPOSITION OF ORDER = ESCALATION OF DISORDER!"
  1881. HBT; The Gospel According to Fred, 1:6
  1882.  
  1883. THE FIVE ORDERS OF DISCORDIA ("THEM")
  1884. Gen. Pandaemonium, commanding
  1885.  
  1886. The seeds of the ORDERS OF DISCORDIA were planted by Greyface into his
  1887. early disciples. They form the skeleton of the Aneristic Movement,
  1888. which over-emphasizes the Principle of Order and is antagonistic to
  1889. the necessary compliment, the Principle of Disorder. The Orders are
  1890. composed of persons all hung up on authority, security, and control;
  1891. i.e., they are blinded by the Aneristic Illusion. They do not know
  1892. that they belong to the Orders of Discordia. But _we_ know.
  1893.  
  1894. 1. THE MILITARY ORDER OF THE KNIGHTS OF THE FIVE-SIDED TEMPLE. This
  1895. is for all of the soldiers and bureaucrats of the world.
  1896. 2. THE POLITICAL ORDER OF THE PARTY FOR WAR ON EVIL. This is
  1897. reserved for lawmakers, censors, and like ilk.
  1898. 3. THE ACADEMIC ORDER OF THE HEMLOCK FELLOWSHIP. They commonly
  1899. inhabit schools and universities, and dominate many of them.
  1900. 4. THE SOCIAL ORDER OF THE CITIZENS COMMITTEE FOR CONCERNED CITIZENS.
  1901. This is mostly a grass-roots version of the more professional
  1902. military, political, academic, and sacred Orders.
  1903. 5. THE SACRED ORDER OF THE DEFAMATION LEAGUE. Not much is known
  1904. about the DL, but they are very ancient and quite possibly were
  1905. founded by Greyface himself. It is known that they now have absolute
  1906. domination over all organized churches in the world. It is also
  1907. believed that they have been costuming cabbages and passing them off
  1908. as human beings.
  1909.  
  1910. Don't let A person belonging to one or more Order
  1911. T H E M is just as likely to carry a flag of the
  1912. immanentize counter-establishment as the flag of the
  1913. the establishment -- just as long as it is
  1914. Eschaton a flag.
  1915.  
  1916. [Illustration: a pentagon] HIP-2-3-4, HIP-2-3-4 MILITARY
  1917. GO TO YOUR LEFT-RIGHT...
  1918.  
  1919.  
  1920. -47-
  1921.  
  1922.  
  1923.  
  1924. THE FOLLOWING IS QUOTED FROM BERGAN EVANS
  1925. ON NORBERT WEINER, NUCLEAR PHYSICIST
  1926.  
  1927. The second concept Wiener has to establish is that of entropy.
  1928. Probability is a mathematical concept, coming from statistics.
  1929. Entropy comes from physics. It is the assertion -- established
  1930. logicallly and experimentally -- that the universe, by its nature, is
  1931. "running down," moving toward a state of inert uniformity devoid of
  1932. form, matter, hierarchy or differentiation.
  1933.  
  1934. That is, in any given situation, less organization, more chaos, is
  1935. overwhelmingly more probable than tighter organization or more order.
  1936.  
  1937. The tendency for entropy to increase in isolated systems is
  1938. expressed in the second law of thermodynamics -- perhaps the most
  1939. pessimistic and amoral formulation in all human thought.
  1940.  
  1941. It applies, however, to a closed system, to something that is an
  1942. isolated whole, not just a part. Within such systems there may be
  1943. parts, which draw their energy from the whole, that are moving, at
  1944. least temporarily, in the opposite direction; in them order is
  1945. increasing and chaos is diminishing.
  1946.  
  1947. The whirlpools that swirl in a direction opposed to the main
  1948. current are called "enclaves." And one of them is life, especially
  1949. human life, which in a universe moving inexorably towards chaos moves
  1950. toward increased order.
  1951.  
  1952. PERSONAL
  1953. PLANETARY PI, which I discovered,
  1954. is 61. It's a Time-Energy relationship
  1955. existing between sun and inner planets If the telephone
  1956. and I use it in arriving at many facts rings today...
  1957. unknown to science. For example, Water it!
  1958. multiply nude earth's circumference -- Rev. Thomas, Gnostic
  1959. 24 902.206 56 by 61 and you get the N.Y.C. Cabal
  1960. distance of moon's orbit around the
  1961. earth. This is slightly less than
  1962. actual distance because we have not
  1963. yet considered earth's atmosphere. So
  1964. be it. Christopher Garth, Evanston.
  1965.  
  1966. "I should have been a plumber."
  1967. -- Albert Einstein
  1968.  
  1969.  
  1970. -48-
  1971.  
  1972.  
  1973. "Grasshopper always wrong in argument with chicken"
  1974. -- Book of Chan, compiled by O.P.U. sect
  1975.  
  1976. ZARATHUD'S ENLIGHTENMENT
  1977.  
  1978. Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took great
  1979. delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his followers.
  1980.  
  1981. One day Zarathud took the students to a pleasant pasture and there
  1982. he confronted The Sacred Chao while She was contentedly grazing.
  1983.  
  1984. "Tell me, you dumb beast," demanded the Priest in his commanding
  1985. voice, "why don't you do something worthwhile? What is your purpose
  1986. in life, anyway?"
  1987.  
  1988. Munching the tasty grass, The Sacred Chao replied, "MU."*
  1989.  
  1990. Upon hearing this, absolutely nobody was enlightened. Primarily
  1991. because nobody could understand Chinese.
  1992.  
  1993. ----------
  1994. * "MU" is the Chinese ideogram for NO-THING.
  1995. FIND PEACE
  1996. TAO FA [Illustration: a book labeled "Words WITH A
  1997. TSU-DAN if Wisdom. The pages are all blank.] CONTENTED
  1998. CHAO
  1999.  
  2000.  
  2001. -49-
  2002.  
  2003.  
  2004. THE SACRED CHAO
  2005. MUST
  2006. THE SACRED CHAO (pronounced "the sacred cow") is the key to
  2007. illumination. Devised by the Apostle Hung Mung in ancient China, it
  2008. was modified and popularized by the Taoists and is sometimes called
  2009. the YIN-YANG. The Sacred Chao is not the yin-yang of the Taoists. It
  2010. is the HODGE-PODGE of the Erisians. And, instead of a Podge spot on
  2011. the Hodge side, it has a PENTAGON which symbolizes the ANERISTIC
  2012. PRINCIPLE, and instead of a Hodge spot on the Podge side, it depicts
  2013. the GOLDEN APPLE OF DISCORDIA to symbolize the ERISTIC PRINCIPLE.
  2014.  
  2015. The Sacred Chao symbolizes absolutely everything anyone need every
  2016. know about absolutely anything, and more! It even symbolizes
  2017. everything not worth knowing, depicted by the empty space surrounding
  2018. the Hodge-Podge.
  2019.  
  2020. HERE FOLLOWS SOME PSYCHO-METAPHYSICS.
  2021. If you are not hot for philosophy, best just skip it.
  2022.  
  2023. The Aneristic Principle is that of APPARENT ORDER; the Eristic
  2024. Principle is that of APPARENT DISORDER. Both order and disorder are
  2025. man-made *concepts* and are artificial divisions of PURE CHAOS, which
  2026. is a level deeper than is the level of distinction-making.
  2027.  
  2028. With our concept-making apparatus called *mind* we look at reality
  2029. through the ideas-about-reality which our cultures give us. The
  2030. ideas-about-reality are mistakenly labeled "reality" and unenlightened
  2031. people are forever perplexed by the fact that other people, especially
  2032. other cultures, see "reality" differently. It is only the ideas-
  2033. about-reality which differ. Real (capital-T True) reality is a level
  2034. deeper than is the level of concept.
  2035.  
  2036. We look at the world through windows on which have been drawn
  2037. grids (*concepts*). Different philosophies use different grids. A
  2038. culture is a group of people with rather similar grids. Through a
  2039. window we view chaos, and relate it to the points on our grid, and
  2040. thereby understand it. The ORDER is in the GRID. That is the
  2041. Aneristic Principle.
  2042.  
  2043. [Illustration: a menagerie of Sacred Chaos overlap each other, as
  2044. if to approach the reader]
  2045.  
  2046. Western philosophy is traditionally concerned with contrasting one
  2047. grid with another grid, and amending grids in hopes of finding a
  2048. perfect one that will account for all reality and will, hence, (say
  2049. unenlightened Westerners) be True. This is illusory; it is what we
  2050. Erisians call the ANERISTIC ILLUSION. Some grids can be more useful
  2051. than others, some more beautiful than others, some more pleasant than
  2052. others, etc., but none can be more True than any other.
  2053.  
  2054. DISORDER is simply unrelated information viewed through some
  2055. particular grid. But, like "relation," no-relation is a concept.
  2056. Male, like female, is an idea about sex. To say that maleness is
  2057. "abscence of femaleness," or vice versa, is a matter of definition and
  2058. metaphysically arbitrary. The artificial concept of no-relation is
  2059. the ERISTIC PRINCIPLE.
  2060.  
  2061. The belief that "order is true" and disorder is false or somehow
  2062. wrong, is the Aneristic Illusion. To say the same of disorder, is the
  2063. ERISTIC ILLUSION.
  2064.  
  2065. The point is that (little-t) truth is a matter of definition
  2066. relative to the grid one is using at the moment, and that (capital-T)
  2067. Truth, metaphysical reality, is irrelevant to grids entirely. Pick a
  2068. grid, and through it some chaos appears ordered and some appears
  2069. disordered. Pick another grid, and the same chaos will appear
  2070. differently ordered and disordered.
  2071.  
  2072. Reality is the original Rorschach.
  2073.  
  2074. Verily! So much for all of that.
  2075.  
  2076. The Words of the Foolish and those of the Wise [Illustration:
  2077. Are not far apart in Discordian Eyes. a hand points
  2078. HBT; The Book of Advice, 2:1 to the next page]
  2079.  
  2080. The PODGE of the Sacred Chao is symbolized as THE GOLDEN APPLE OF
  2081. DISCORDIA, which represents the Eristic Principle of Disorder. The
  2082. writing on it, _kallisti,_ is Greek for "to the prettiest one" and
  2083. refers to an old myth about the Goddess. But the Greeks had only a
  2084. limited understanding of Disorder, and thought it to be a negative
  2085. principle.
  2086.  
  2087. [Illustration: a The PENTAGON represents the Aneristic
  2088. stylized pentagon Principle of Order and symbolizes the HODGE.
  2089. with a "5" in the The Pentagon has several references; for one,
  2090. center] it can be taken to represent geometry, one of
  2091. the earliest studies of formal order to reach
  2092. elaborate development;* for another, it specifically accords with THE
  2093. LAW OF FIVES.
  2094.  
  2095. THE TRUTH IS FIVE BUT MEN HAVE ONLY ONE NAME FOR IT.
  2096. -- Patamunzo Lingananda
  2097.  
  2098. It is also the shape of the United States Military Headquarters, the
  2099. Pnetagon Building, a most pregnant manifestation of straightjacket
  2100. order resting on a firm foundation of chaos and constantly erupting
  2101. into dazzling disorder; and this building is one of our more cherished
  2102. Erisian Shrines. Also it so happens that in times of medieval magic,
  2103. the pentagon was the generic symbol for werewolves, but this reference
  2104. is not particularly intended and it should be noted that the Erisian
  2105. Movement does not discriminate against werewolves -- our membership
  2106. roster is open to persons of all races, national origins, and hobbies.
  2107.  
  2108. ----------
  2109. * The Greek geometrician Pythagorus, however, was not a typical
  2110. aneristic personality. He was what we call an EXPLODED ANERISTIC and
  2111. an AVATAR. We call him Archangle Pythagorus.
  2112.  
  2113.  
  2114. -52-
  2115.  
  2116.  
  2117. THE HODGE/PODGE TRANSFORMER
  2118.  
  2119. [Illustration: The Hodge/Podge Transformer. There are two plates set
  2120. vertically on the left and right; the left plate is labeled
  2121. "ANERISTIC," and the right plate is labeled "ERISTIC." Hermes-like
  2122. wings point to each plate. Connecting the two plates are a myriad
  2123. tubes, and in the direct center is the legend, "FIFTH DIMENSIONAL
  2124. CHAOS MATRIX." Attached to the intervening tubes are various
  2125. artifacts: a balloon reading "Hot Air" tied to a bend; a weight
  2126. attached to another bend labeled "5 Tons Flax"; the Golden Apple of
  2127. Discordia rests on a platform in the mess, and a pentagon hangs from
  2128. another bend, with the legend "Tilt."]
  2129.  
  2130. 28 DAY RECORDING
  2131.  
  2132. 5. Hung Mung slapped his buttocks, hopped about,
  2133. and shook his head, saying, "I do not know! I
  2134. do not know!"
  2135. HBT; The Book of Gooks, Chap. 1
  2136.  
  2137.  
  2138. -53-
  2139.  
  2140.  
  2141. BRUNSWICK SHRINE
  2142.  
  2143. In the Los Angeles suburb of Whittier there lives a bowling alley, and
  2144. within this very place, in the Year of Our Lady of Discord 3125
  2145. (1959*), Eris revealed Herself to The Golden Apple Corps for the first
  2146. time.
  2147.  
  2148. In honor of this Incredible Event, this Holy Place is revered as a
  2149. Shrine by all Erisians. Once every five years, the Golden Apple Corps
  2150. plans a Pilgrimage to Brunswick Shrine as an act of Devotion, and
  2151. therein to partake of No Hot Dog Buns, and ruminate a bit about It
  2152. All.
  2153.  
  2154. It is written that when The Corps returns to The Shrine for the
  2155. fifth time five times over, then shall the world come to an end:
  2156.  
  2157. ...Impending doom
  2158. has arrived...
  2159.  
  2160. And Five Days Prior to This Occasion The Apostle The Elder
  2161. Malaclypse Shall Walk the Streets of Whittier Bearing a Sign for
  2162. All Literates to Read Thereof: "DOOM," as a Warning of
  2163. Forthcoming Doom to All Men Impending. And He Shall Signal This
  2164. Event by Seeking the Poor and Distributing to Them Precious MAO
  2165. BUTTONS and Whittier Shall be Known as The Region of Thud for
  2166. These Five Days.
  2167.  
  2168. As a public service to all mankind and civilization in general, and to
  2169. us in particular, the Golden Apple Corps has concluded that planning
  2170. such a Pilgrimage is sufficient and that it is prudent to never get
  2171. around to actually going. _
  2172. QUIET NIGHT S c/o
  2173. ----------
  2174. * Or maybe it was 1958, I forget.
  2175.  
  2176.  
  2177. -54-
  2178.  
  2179.  
  2180. STARBUCK'S PEBBLES
  2181.  
  2182. .
  2183.  
  2184. . .
  2185.  
  2186.  
  2187. . .
  2188.  
  2189. Do these five pebbles _really_ form a pentagon?
  2190. Those biased by the Aneristic Illusion would say yes.
  2191. Those biased by the Eristic Illusion would say no.
  2192. Criss-cross them and it is a star.
  2193.  
  2194. An Illuminated Mind can see all of these, yet he does not insist
  2195. that any one is really true, or that none at all is true. Stars,
  2196. and pentagons, and disorder are all his own creations and he may do
  2197. with them as he wishes. Indeed, even so the concept of the number
  2198. five.
  2199.  
  2200. Can you chart The real reality is there, but
  2201. the COURSE everything you KNOW about "it"
  2202. to is in your mind and yours to do
  2203. Captain with as you like. Conceptual-
  2204. Valentine's ization is art, and YOU ARE THE
  2205. SWEETHEART? ARTIST.
  2206.  
  2207. Convictions cause convicts.
  2208.  
  2209. [Illustration: a balloon from off-page
  2210. reads: "HEMLOCK? I never touch the
  2211. stuff!"] [Illustration: a young boy
  2212. looking through a microscope
  2213. at a magazine]
  2214. When I was 8 or 9 years old, I
  2215. acquired a split beaver magazine.
  2216. You can imagine by disappointment
  2217. when, upon examination of the
  2218. photos with a microscope, I
  2219. found that all I could see
  2220. was dots.
  2221.  
  2222. 7. Never write in pencil unless you are on a train or sick in bed.
  2223.  
  2224.  
  2225. -55-
  2226.  
  2227.  
  2228. ERIS CONTEMPLATES FOR 3125 YEARS
  2229.  
  2230. ------------------------------------| Pun-Jab is Sikh, Sikh, Sikh! |--
  2231. THE PARATHEO-ANAMETAMYSTIKHOOD OF ERIS ESOTERIC (POEE)
  2232. A Non-prophet Irreligious Disorganization
  2233.  
  2234. MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER, K.S.C.
  2235. Omnibenevolent Polyfather of Virginity in Gold
  2236. HIGH PRIEST
  2237.  
  2238. THE ERISIAN MOVEMENT HOUSE OF APOSTLES OF ERIS
  2239. [X] Official Business [ ] Surreptitious Business page 1 of __ pages
  2240. [ ] The Golden Apple Corps [X] House of Disciples of Discordia: The
  2241. Bureaucracy, Bureau of: _DOOM__ [ ] Council of Episkoposes; Office
  2242. of High Priesthood, Sect of the POEE [ ] Drawer "O"
  2243. ----------------------------------------------------------------------
  2244. Today's DATE: Day of the Carrot Yesterday's DATE: Yes
  2245. Originating CABAL: JOSHUA NORTON CABAL -- San_Francisco
  2246. To: REV. RAMPANT PANCREAS, tRRoCR(a)pttM; Colorado Encrustation
  2247.  
  2248. Brother Ram,
  2249.  
  2250. Your acute observation that ERIS spelled backwards is SIRE, and your
  2251. inference to the effect that there is sexual symbolism here, have
  2252. brought me to some observations of my own.
  2253.  
  2254. ERIS spelled fore-part-aft-wards is RISE. And spelled inside out is
  2255. REIS, which is a unit of money, albeit Portugese-Brazilian and no
  2256. longer in use. From this it may be concluded that Eris has usurped
  2257. Eros (god of erotic love) in the eyes of thse who read backwards;
  2258. which obviously made Eros sorE. Then She apparently embezzled the
  2259. Olympian Treasury and went to Brazil; whereupon She opened a chain of
  2260. whore houses (which certainly would get a rise from the male
  2261. population). I figure it to be this in particular because MADAM reads
  2262. the same forwards and backwards. And further, it is a term of great
  2263. respect, similar to SIRE.
  2264.  
  2265. And so thank you for your insight, it may well be the clue to the
  2266. mystery of just where Eris has been fucking around for 3125 years.
  2267.  
  2268. FIVE TONS OF FLAX!
  2269.  
  2270. [Signed: Mal-squared]
  2271.  
  2272. NOT FOR CIRCULATION
  2273.  
  2274. KALLISTI -- Hail Eris! -- ALL HAIL DISCORDIA
  2275.  
  2276. Safeguard this letter: it may be an IMPORTANT DOCUMENT!
  2277. Form No. O.D.D. IIb/ii.1-37D.VVM:3134
  2278. ----------------------------------------------------------------------
  2279.  
  2280.  
  2281. -56-
  2282.  
  2283.  
  2284. DOGMA III - HISTORY #2, "COSMOGONY"
  2285. which is not the same as DOGMA I - METAPHYSICS #2, "COSMOLOGY"
  2286.  
  2287. In the beginning there was VOID, who had two daughters; one (the
  2288. smaller) was that of BEING, named ERIS, and one (the larger) was of
  2289. NON-BEING, named ANERIS. (To this day, the fundamental truth that
  2290. Aneris is the larger is apparent to all who compare the great number
  2291. of things that do not exist with the comparatively small number of
  2292. things that do exist.)
  2293.  
  2294. Eris had been born pregnant, and after 55 years (Goddesses have an
  2295. unusually long gestation period - longer even than elephants), Her
  2296. pregnancy bore the fruits of many things. These things were composed
  2297. of the Five Basic Elements, SWEET, BOOM, PUNGENT, PRICKLE AND ORANGE.
  2298. Aneris, however, had been created sterile. When she saw Eris enjoying
  2299. Herself so greatly with all of the existent things She had borne,
  2300. Aneris became jealous and finally one day she stole some existent
  2301. things and changed them into non-existent things and claimed them as
  2302. her own children. This deeply hurt Eris, who felt that Her sister was
  2303. unjust (being so much larger anyway) to deny Her her small joy. And
  2304. so She made Herself swell again to bear more things. And She swore
  2305. that no matter how many of her begotten that Aneris would steal, She
  2306. would beget more. And, in return, Aneris swore that no matter how
  2307. many existent things Eris brought forth, she would eventually find
  2308. them and turn them into non-existent things for her own. (And to this
  2309. day, things appear and disappear in this very manner.)
  2310.  
  2311. At first, the things brought forth by Eris were in a state of
  2312. chaos and went in every which way, but by the by She began playing
  2313. with them and ordered some of them just to see what would happen.
  2314. Some pretty things arose from this play and for the next five zillion
  2315. years She amused Herself by creating order. And so She grouped some
  2316. things with others and some groups with others, and big groups with
  2317. little groups, and all combinations until She had many grand schemes
  2318. which delighted Her.
  2319.  
  2320. Engrossed in establishing order, She finally one day noticed
  2321. disorder (previously not apparent because everything was chaos).
  2322. There were many ways in which chaos was ordered and many ways in which
  2323. it was not.
  2324.  
  2325. "Hah," she thought, "Here shall be a new game."
  2326.  
  2327. And She taught order and disorder to play with each other in
  2328. contest games, and take turns amusing each other. She named the side
  2329. of disorder after herself, "ERISTIC," because being is anarchic. And
  2330. then, in a mood of sympathy for Her lonely sister, She named the
  2331. other side "ANERISTIC" which flattered Aneris and smoothed the
  2332. friction a little that was between them.
  2333.  
  2334. Now all of this time, Void was somewhat disturbed. He felt
  2335. unsatisfied for he had created only physical existence and physical
  2336. non-existence, and had neglected the spiritual. As he contemplated
  2337. this, a great Quiet was caused and he went into a state of Deep Sleep
  2338. which lasted for five eras. At the end of this ordeal, he begat a
  2339. brother to Eris and Aneris, that of SPIRITUALITY, who had no name at
  2340. all.
  2341.  
  2342. When the Sisters heard this, they both confronted Void and pleaded
  2343. that he not forget them, his First Born. And so Void decreed thus:
  2344.  
  2345. That this brother, having no form, was to reside with Aneris in
  2346. Non-Being and then to leave her and, so that he might play with order
  2347. and disorder, reside with Eris in Being. But Eris became filled with
  2348. sorrow when She heard this and then began to weep.
  2349.  
  2350. "Why are you despondent?" demanded Void. "Your new brother will
  2351. have his share with you." "But Father, Aneris and I have been
  2352. arguing, and she will take him from me when she discovers him, and
  2353. cause him to return to Non-Being." "I see," replied Void. "Then I
  2354. decree the following:
  2355.  
  2356. "When your brother leaves the residence of Being, he shall not
  2357. reside again in Non-Being, but shall return to Me, Void, from whence
  2358. he came. You girls may bicker as you wish, but My son is your Brother
  2359. and We are all of Myself."
  2360.  
  2361.  
  2362. And so it is that we, as men, do not exist until we do; and then it is
  2363. that we play with our world of existent things, and order and disorder
  2364. them, and so it shall be that non-existence shall take us back from
  2365. existence and that nameless spirituality shall return to Void, like a
  2366. tired child home from a very wild circus.
  2367. \ /
  2368. "Everything is true -- Everything is permissible!" ---------
  2369. -- Hassan i Sabbah / \
  2370.  
  2371.  
  2372. -59-
  2373.  
  2374.  
  2375. There is serenity in Chaos.
  2376. Seek ye the Eye of the Hurricane.
  2377.  
  2378. A POEE MYSTEREE RITE:
  2379. SRI SYADASTIAN CHANT
  2380. written, in some sense, by Mal-2
  2381.  
  2382. Unlike a song, chants are not sung but chanted. This particular one
  2383. is much enhanced by the use of a leader to chant the Sanskrit alone,
  2384. with all participants chanting the English. It also behooves one to
  2385. be in a quiet frame of mind and to be sitting in a still position,
  2386. perhaps The Buttercup Position. It also helps if one is absolute
  2387. zonked out of his gourd.
  2388.  
  2389. RUB-A-DUB-DUB.
  2390. O! Hail Eris. Blessed St. Hung Mung.
  2391. SYA-DASTI.
  2392. O! Hail Eris. Blessed St. Mojo.
  2393. SYA-DAVAK-TAVYA.
  2394. O! Hail Eris. Blessed St. Zarathud.
  2395. SYA-DASTI-SYA-NASTI.
  2396. O! Hail Eris. Blessed St. Elder Mal.
  2397. SYA-DASTI-KAVAK-TAV-YASKA.
  2398. O! Hail Eris. Blessed St. Gulik.
  2399. SYA-DASTI-SYA-NASTI-SYA-DAVAK-TAV-YASKA.
  2400. O! Hail Eris. All hail Discordia.
  2401. RUB-A-DUB-DUB.
  2402.  
  2403. It is then repeated indefinitely, or for the first two-thousand miles,
  2404. whichever comes first.
  2405.  
  2406.  
  2407. -60-
  2408.  
  2409.  
  2410. CLASSIFICATION OF SAINTS
  2411.  
  2412. 1. SAINT SECOND CLASS
  2413. To be reserved for all human beings deserving of Sainthood. Example:
  2414. St. Norton the First, Emperor of the United States and Protector of
  2415. Mexico (his grave near San Francisco is an official POEE Shrine).
  2416.  
  2417. The following four categories are reserved for fictional beings who,
  2418. not being actual, are more capable of perfection.
  2419.  
  2420. 2. LANCE SAINT
  2421. Good Saint material and definitely inspiring.
  2422. Example: St. Yossarian (_Catch 22,_ Heller).
  2423.  
  2424. 3. LIEUTENANT SAINT
  2425. Excellent Goddess-saturated Saint.
  2426. Example: St. Quixote (_Don Quixote,_ Cervantes).
  2427.  
  2428. 4. BRIGADIER SAINT
  2429. Comparable to Lieutenant Saint but has an established following
  2430. (fictional or factual).
  2431. Example: St. Bokonon (_Cat's Cradle,_ Vonnegut).
  2432.  
  2433. 5. FIVE STAR SAINT
  2434. The Five Apostles of Eris.
  2435.  
  2436. NOTE: It is an Old Erisian Tradition to never agree with each other
  2437. about Saints.
  2438.  
  2439. Everybody understands Mickey Mouse. Fe understand Herman Hesse. Only
  2440. a handful understood Albert Einstein. And nobody understood Emperor
  2441. Norton.
  2442. -- slogan of Norton Cabal -- S.F.
  2443.  
  2444.  
  2445. -61-
  2446.  
  2447.  
  2448. TEST BY DOCTORS PROVE IT POSSIBLE TO SHRINK
  2449.  
  2450. ON OCCULTISM
  2451.  
  2452. Magicians, especially since the Gnostic and Quabala influences, have
  2453. sought higher consciousness through the assimiliation and control of
  2454. universal opposites -- good/evil, positive/negative, male/female, etc.
  2455. But due to the steadfast pomposity of ritualism inherited from the
  2456. ancient methods of the shaman, occultists have been blinded to what is
  2457. perhaps the two most important pairs of apparent or earth-plane
  2458. opposites: ORDER/DISORDER and SERIOUS/HUMOROUS.
  2459.  
  2460. Magicians, and their progeny the scientists, have always taken
  2461. themselves and their subject in an orderly and sober manner, thereby
  2462. disregarding an essential metaphysical balance. When magicians learn
  2463. to approach philosophy as a malleable art instead of an immutable
  2464. Truth, and learn to appreciate the absurdity of man's endeavors, then
  2465. they will be able to pursue their art with a lighter heart, and
  2466. perhaps gain a clearer understanding of it, and therefore gain more
  2467. effective magic. CHAOS IS ENERGY.
  2468.  
  2469. This is an essential challenge to the basics concepts of all
  2470. Western occult thought, and POEE is humbly pleased to offer the first
  2471. major breakthrough in occultism since Solomon.
  2472.  
  2473. Stud [Illustration: a
  2474. Demonology wizard, holding a wand
  2475. With An high in the air. The
  2476. Enemy wand is tipped with
  2477. This Hand of Eris]
  2478. Sunday"
  2479. sez Thom, Gnos
  2480.  
  2481.  
  2482. -62-
  2483.  
  2484.  
  2485. THE POEE ASTROLOGICAL SYSTEM
  2486.  
  2487. 1. On your next birthday, return to the place of your birth and, at
  2488. precisely midnight, noting your birth time and date of observation,
  2489. count all visible stars.
  2490.  
  2491. 2. When you have done this, write to me and I'll tell you what to do
  2492. next.
  2493.  
  2494. The theorem to be proved is that if LOOK FOR THIS
  2495. any even number of people take seats at SNOWFLAKE -- IT
  2496. random around a circular table bearing HAS MAGIC
  2497. place cards with their names, it is PROPERTIES
  2498. always possible to rotate the table |
  2499. until at least two people are opposite v
  2500. their cards. Assume the contrary. let [Illustration: a
  2501. n be the even number of persons, and let five-pointed
  2502. their names be replaced by the integers snowflake]
  2503. 0 to n - 1 "in such a way that the place
  2504. cards are numbered in sequence around
  2505. the table. If a delegate d originally
  2506. sits down to a place card p, then the
  2507. table must be rotated r steps before he
  2508. is correctly seated, where r = p - d,
  2509. unless this is negative, in which case r
  2510. = p - d + n. The collection of values
  2511. of d (and of p) for all delegates is
  2512. clearly the integers 0 to n - 1, each
  2513. taken once, but so also is the
  2514. collection of values of r, or else two
  2515. delegates would be correctly seated at The eminent 16th century
  2516. the same time. Summing the above mathematician Cardan so
  2517. equations, one for each delegate, gives detested Luther that he
  2518. S - S + nk, where k is an integer and S altered Luther's birthdate
  2519. = n(n - 1)/2, the sum of the integers to give him an unfavorable
  2520. from 0 to n - 1. It follows that n = 2k horoscope
  2521. + 1, an odd number." This contradicts
  2522. the original assumption.
  2523. "I actually solved this problem
  2524. some years ago," Rybicki writes, "for a
  2525. different but completely equivalent
  2526. problem, a generalization of the non-
  2527. attacking 'eight queens' problem for a
  2528. cylindrical chessboard where diagonal
  2529. attack is restricted to diagonals
  2530. slanting in one direction only."
  2531.  
  2532.  
  2533. -63-
  2534.  
  2535. THE CURSE OF GREYFACE AND THE INTRODUCTION OF NEGATIVISM
  2536.  
  2537. To choose order of disorder, or disorder over order, is to accept a
  2538. trip composed of both the creative and the destructive. But to choose
  2539. the creative over the destructive is an all-creative trip composed of
  2540. both order and disorder. To accomplish this, one need only accept
  2541. creative disorder along with, and equal to, creative order, and also
  2542. be willing to reject destructive order as an undesirable equal to
  2543. destructive disorder.
  2544.  
  2545. The Curse of Greyface included the division of life into
  2546. order/disorder as the essential positive/negative polarity, instead of
  2547. building a game foundation with creative/destructive as the essential
  2548. positive/negative. He has thereby caused man to endure the
  2549. destructive aspects of order and has prevented man from effectively
  2550. participating in the creative uses of disorder. Civilization reflects
  2551. this unfortunate division.
  2552.  
  2553. POEE proclaims that the other division is preferable, and we work
  2554. toward the proposition that creative disorder, like creative order, is
  2555. possible and desirable; and that destructive order, like destructive
  2556. disorder, is unnecessary and undesirable.
  2557.  
  2558. Seek the Sacred Chao -- therein you will find the foolishness of all
  2559. ORDER/DISORDER. They are the same!
  2560.  
  2561. [Illustration: cryptic heiroglyphs]
  2562.  
  2563.  
  2564. -64-
  2565.  
  2566.  
  2567. ERISIAN MAGIC RITUAL:
  2568. THE TURKEY CURSE
  2569.  
  2570. Revealed by the Apostle Dr. Van Van Mojo as a specific counter to
  2571. the evil Curse of Greyface, the TURKEY CURSE is here passed on to
  2572. Erisians everywhere for their just protection.
  2573.  
  2574. The Turkey Curse works. It is firmly grounded on the fact that
  2575. Greyface and his followers absolutely require an Aneristic setting to
  2576. function and that a timely introduction of Eristic vibrations will
  2577. neutralize their foundation. The Turkey Curse is designed solely to
  2578. counteract _negative_ Aneristic vibes and if introduced into a neutral
  2579. or positive Aneristic setting (like a poet working out word rhythms)
  2580. it will prove harmless, or at worst, simply annoying. It is not
  2581. designed for use against negative _Eristic_ vibes, although it can be
  2582. used as an Eristic vehicle to introduce positive vibes into a
  2583. misguided Eristic setting. In this instance, it would be the
  2584. responsibility of the Erisian Magician to manufacture the positive
  2585. vibrations if results are to be achieved. CAUTION -- all magic is
  2586. powerful and requires courage and integrity on the part of magician.
  2587. This ritual, if misused, can backfire. Positive motivation is
  2588. essential for self-protection.
  2589.  
  2590. TO PERFORM THE TURKEY CURSE:
  2591.  
  2592. Take a foot stance as if you were John L. Sullivan preparing for
  2593. fisticuffs. Face the particular greyface you wish to short-circuit,
  2594. or towards the direction of the negative Aneristic vibration that you
  2595. wish to neutralize. Begin waving your arms in any elaborate manner
  2596. and make motions with your hands as though you were Mandrake feeling
  2597. up a sexy giantess. Chant, loudly and clearly:
  2598.  
  2599. GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE!
  2600.  
  2601. The results will be instantly apparent.
  2602.  
  2603.  
  2604. -65-
  2605.  
  2606.  
  2607. A PRIMER FOR ERISIAN EVANGELISTS
  2608. by Lord Omar
  2609.  
  2610. THE SOCRATIC APPROACH is most successful when confronting the
  2611. ignorant. The "socratic approach" is what you call starting an
  2612. argument by asking questions. You approach the innocent and simply
  2613. ask, "Did you know that God's name is ERIS, and that He is a girl?"
  2614. If he answers "Yes," then he is probably a fellow Erisian and so you
  2615. can forget it. If he says "No," then quickly proceed to:
  2616.  
  2617. THE BLIND ASSERTION and say, "Well, He _is_ a girl, and His name
  2618. is ERIS!" Shrewdly observe if the subject is convinced. If he is,
  2619. swear him into the Legion of Dynamic Discord before he changes his
  2620. mind. If he does not appear convinced, then proceed to:
  2621.  
  2622. THE FAITH BIT: "But you must have faith! All is lost without
  2623. faith! I sure feel sorry for you if you don't have faith." And then
  2624. add:
  2625.  
  2626. THE ARGUMENT BY FEAR and in an ominous voice ask, "Do you know
  2627. what happens to those who deny Goddess?" If he hesitates, don't tell
  2628. him that he will surely be reincarnated as a precious Mao Button and
  2629. distributed to the poor in the Region of Thud (which would be a mean
  2630. thing to say), just shake your head sadly, and, while wiping a tear
  2631. from your eye, go to:
  2632.  
  2633. THE FIRST CLAUSE PLOY wherein you point to all of the discord and
  2634. confusion in the world and exclaim, "Well, who the hell do you think
  2635. did all of this, wise guy?" If he says, "Nobody, just impersonal
  2636. forces," then quickly respond with:
  2637.  
  2638. THE ARGUMENT BY SEMANTICAL GYMNASTICS and say that he is
  2639. absolutely right, and that those impersonal forces are female and that
  2640. Her name is ERIS. If he, wonder of wonders, still remain obstinate,
  2641. then finally resort to:
  2642.  
  2643. THE FIGURATIVE SYMBOLISM DODGE and confide that sophisticated
  2644. people like himself recognize that Eris is a Figurative Symbol for an
  2645. Ineffable Metaphysical Reality and that The Erisian Movement is really
  2646. more like a poem than like a science and that he is liable to be
  2647. turned into a precious Mao Button and distributed to the poor in The
  2648. Region of Thud if he does not get hip. Then put him on your mailing
  2649. list.
  2650.  
  2651.  
  2652. -66-
  2653.  
  2654.  
  2655. [Illustration: a hand extended out of a pool of water, making the "V"
  2656. sign]
  2657. SINK: A GAME
  2658. by Ala Hera, E.L., N.S.; Rayville Apple Panthers
  2659.  
  2660. SINK is played by Discordians and people of much ilk.
  2661.  
  2662. PURPOSE: To sink an object or a thing . . . in water or mud or
  2663. anything you can sink something in.
  2664.  
  2665. RULES: Sinking is allowed in any manner. To date, ten pound chunks
  2666. of mud were used to sink a tobacco can. It is preferable to have a
  2667. pit of water or a hole to drop things in. But rivers, bays, gulfs --
  2668. I dare say even oceans -- can be used.
  2669.  
  2670. TURNS are taken thusly: whomsoever gets the junk up and in the air
  2671. first.
  2672.  
  2673. DUTY: It shall be the duty of all persons playing SINK to help find
  2674. more objects to sink, once one object is sunk.
  2675.  
  2676. UPON SINKING: The sinked shall yell, "I sank it!" or something
  2677. equally as thoughtful.
  2678.  
  2679. NAMING OF OBJECTS is sometimes desirable. The object is named by the
  2680. finder of such object and whoever sinks it can say, for instance, "I
  2681. sunk Columbus, Ohio."
  2682.  
  2683. "In a way, we're kind of a Peace Corps."
  2684. -- Maj. A. Lincoln German, Training
  2685. Director of the Green Beret Special
  2686. Warfare School, Ft. Bragg, N.C.
  2687.  
  2688.  
  2689. -67-
  2690.  
  2691.  
  2692. A JOINT EFFORT OF THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY
  2693. Post Office Liberation Front
  2694. EXPORT LICENSE
  2695. NOT REQUIRED
  2696. THIS IS A CHAIN LETTER.
  2697.  
  2698. WITHIN THE NEXT FIFTY-FIVE DAYS YOU WILL RECEIVE FIFTY-FIVE HUNDRED
  2699. POUNDS OF CHAINS!
  2700. In the meantime -- plant your seeds.
  2701.  
  2702. If a lot of people who receive this letter plant a few seeds and a lot
  2703. of people receive this letter, then a lot of seeds will get planted.
  2704. Plant your seeds.
  2705.  
  2706. In parks. On lots. In public flower beds. In remote places. At
  2707. City Hall. Wherever -- whenever. Or start a plantation in your
  2708. closet (but best read up on that beforehand). For casual planting,
  2709. it's best to soak them in water for a day and plant in a bunch of
  2710. about five (5), about half-an-inch deep. Don't worry much about the
  2711. weather, as they know when the weather is wrong and will try to wait
  2712. for nature. Don't soak them if it's wintertime. Seeds are a very
  2713. hearty form of life and strongly desire to grown and flourish. But
  2714. some of them need people's help to get started. So plant your seeds.
  2715.  
  2716. Make a few copies of this letter (five would be nice), and send them
  2717. to friends of yours. Try to mail to different cities and states, or
  2718. even different countries. If you would rather not, then please pass
  2719. this copy on to someone and perhaps they would like to.
  2720.  
  2721. THERE IS NO TRUTH
  2722. to the legend that if you throw away a chain letter then all sorts of
  2723. catastrophic, abominable, and outrageous disasters will happen.
  2724. Except, of course, from your seed's point-of-view.
  2725.  
  2726.  
  2727. -68-
  2728.  
  2729.  
  2730. Q. "How come a woodpecker doesn't bash its brains out?"
  2731. A. Nobody has ever explained that.
  2732.  
  2733. AVATARS
  2734. Erisian Eristic Aneristic Misc. 5th Column
  2735. +-------+-------+---------+-----+----------+
  2736. | 1A | 1B | 1C | 1D | 1E | Exploded
  2737. M +-------+-------+---------+-----+----------+
  2738. U | 2A | 2B | 2C | 2D | 2E | Expanded
  2739. N +-------+-------+---------+-----+----------+
  2740. D | 3A | 3B | 3C | 3D | 3E | Conscientious
  2741. A +-------+-------+---------+-----+----------+
  2742. N | 4A | 4B | 4C | 4D | 4E | Conscious
  2743. E +-------+-------+---------+-----+----------+
  2744. | 5A | 5B | 5C | 5D | 5E | Unconscious
  2745. +-------+-------+---------+-----+----------+
  2746. H
  2747. O +---+ [Illustration: a girl in a dress;
  2748. L | | on the dress is written "Mary Jane."
  2749. Y +---+ Next to the girl is a plant, which is
  2750. quite clearly cannabis. Underneath
  2751. them both is a palm pressed downward:
  2752. above the palm is the word KEEP and
  2753. beneath are the words PRICES DOWN.]
  2754.  
  2755. "And God said, Behold, I have given
  2756. you ever herb bearing seed, which is
  2757. upon the face of the earth...to you
  2758. it shall be for meat."
  2759. -- Genesis 1:29
  2760.  
  2761.  
  2762. -69-
  2763. Questions
  2764. Have a friend class talk. Permit each child to tell any part of
  2765. the unit on "Courtesy in the Corridors and on the Stairs" that he
  2766. enjoyed. Name some cases of disturbance in your school.
  2767.  
  2768. EXECUTED
  2769.  
  2770. Chapter 1, THE EPISTLE TO THE PARANOIDS
  2771. by Lord Omar
  2772.  
  2773. 1. Ye have locked yerselves up in cages of fear - and, behold, do ye
  2774. now complain that ye lack FREEDOM!
  2775.  
  2776. 2. Ye have case out yer brothers for devils and now complain ye,
  2777. lamenting, that ye've been left to fight alone.
  2778.  
  2779. 3. All Chaos was once yer kingdom; verily, held ye dominion over the
  2780. entire Pentaverse, but today ye wax sore afraid of dark corners,
  2781. nooks, and sink holes.
  2782.  
  2783. 4. O how the darknesses do crowd up, one against the other in ye
  2784. hearts! What fear ye more than what ye have wroughten?
  2785.  
  2786. 5. Verily, verily I say unto you, not all the Sinister Ministers of
  2787. the Bavarian Illuminati, working together in multitudes, could so
  2788. entwine the land with tribulation as have your baseless warnings.
  2789.  
  2790. DESPITE strong evidence to the contrary, persistent
  2791. rumor has it that it was Mr. Momomoto's brother
  2792. who swallowed Mr. Momomoto in the summer of '44.
  2793.  
  2794.  
  2795. -70-
  2796.  
  2797.  
  2798. Advertisement
  2799.  
  2800. BAVARIAN ILLUMINATI
  2801. Founded by Hassan i Sabbah, 1090 A.D. (3090 A.L., 4850 A.M.)
  2802. Reformed by Adam Weishaupt, 1776 A.D. (5776 A.D., 5536 A.M.)
  2803.  
  2804. THE ANCIENT ILLUMINATED SEERS OF BAVARIA
  2805. invite YOU to join
  2806. The World's Oldest and Most Successful Conspiracy
  2807.  
  2808. Have you ever SECRETLY WONDERED WHY
  2809. the GREAT PYRAMID has FIVE sides
  2810. (counting the bottom)?
  2811. IS there an ESOTERIC ALLEGORY con-
  2812. cealed in the apparently innocent
  2813. legend of Snow White and the Seven
  2814. Dwarfs?
  2815. WHAT IS the TRUE secret SINISTER
  2816. REALITY lyind behind the ANCIENT
  2817. Aztec Legend of QUETZLCOATL?
  2818. WHY do scholarly anthropologists
  2819. TURN PALEA with terror at the
  2820. very MENTION of the FORBIDDEN
  2821. name YOG-SOTHOTH
  2822. WHO IS the MAN in ZURICH
  2823. that some SWEAR is LEE
  2824. HARVEY OSWALD?
  2825. WHAT REALLY DID HAPPEN
  2826. TO AMBROSE BIERCE?
  2827.  
  2828. If your I.Q. is over 150, and you have $3 125.00 (plus handling), you
  2829. _might_ be eligible for a trial membership in the A.I.S.B. If you
  2830. think you qualify, put the money in a cigar box and bury it in your
  2831. backyard. One of our Underground Agents will contact you shortly.
  2832.  
  2833. I DARE YOU!
  2834.  
  2835. TELL _NO_ ONE! ACCIDENTS HAVE A STRANGE WAY OF HAPPENING TO PEOPLE
  2836. WHO TALK TOO MUCH ABOUT
  2837. THE BAVARIAN ILLUMINATI!
  2838.  
  2839. May we warn you against imitations! Ours is the original and genuine
  2840.  
  2841. "Nothing is true. Everything is permissible"
  2842. -- Hassan i Sabbah
  2843.  
  2844. Nil
  2845. Carborundum
  2846. Illegitimo
  2847.  
  2848. OFFICIAL "Illuminate the opposition!"
  2849. Bavarian Illuminati -- Adam Weishaupt,
  2850. "Ewige Blumenkraft!" Grand Primus Illuminatus
  2851.  
  2852.  
  2853. -71-
  2854.  
  2855.  
  2856. INTER-OFFICE PRIVATE WIRE SENT
  2857.  
  2858. THE ANCIENT ILLUMINATED SEERS OF BAVARIA -- VIGILANCE LODGE
  2859. Mad Mailk, Hauptscheissmeister; Resident for Norton Cabal
  2860.  
  2861. DISCORDIAN SOCIETY SUPER SECRET CRYPTOGRAPHIC CYPHER CODE
  2862.  
  2863. Of possible interest to all Discordians, this information is herewith
  2864. released from the vaults of A.I.S.B., under the auspices of Episkopos
  2865. Dr. Mordecai Malignatius, K.N.S.
  2866.  
  2867. Sample message: HAIL ERIS
  2868.  
  2869. Conversion:
  2870. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
  2871. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
  2872.  
  2873. STEP 1. Write out message (HAIL ERIS) and put all vowels at end
  2874. (HLRSAIEI)
  2875. STEP 2. Reverse order (IEIASRLH)(
  2876. STEP 3. Convert to numbers (9-5-9-1-19-18-12-8)
  2877. STEP 4. Put into numerical order (1-5-8-9-9-12-18-19)
  2878. STEP 5. Convert back to letters (AEHIILRS)
  2879.  
  2880. This cryptographic cypher code is GUARANTEED TO BE 100% UNBREAKABLE.
  2881.  
  2882. BEWARE! THE PARANOIDS ARE WATCHING YOU!
  2883.  
  2884.  
  2885. -72-
  2886.  
  2887.  
  2888. Here is a letter from A.I.S.B. to POEE:
  2889.  
  2890. The World's Oldest and Most Successful Conspiracy
  2891.  
  2892. BAVARIAN ILLUMINATI
  2893. Founded by Hassan i Sabbah, 1090 A.D. (3090 A.L., 4850 A.M.)
  2894. Reformed by Adam Weishaupt, 1776 A.D. (5776 A.D., 5536 A.M.)
  2895.  
  2896. [ ] Official Business [X] Surreptitious Business
  2897.  
  2898. From: MAD MALIK, Hauptscheissmeister
  2899.  
  2900. Dear Brother Mal-2,
  2901.  
  2902. In response to your request for unclassified agitprop to be inserted
  2903. in the new edition of _Principia,_ hope the following will be of use.
  2904. And please stop bothering us with your incessant letters!
  2905.  
  2906. Episkopos Mordecai, Keeper of the Notary Sojac, informs me that you
  2907. are welcome to reveal that our oldest extant records show us to have
  2908. been fully established in Atlantis, circa 18 000 B.C., under Kull, the
  2909. galley slave who ascended to the Throne of Valusia. Revived by Pelias
  2910. of Koth, circa 10 000 B.C. Possible it was he who taught the inner
  2911. teachings to Conan of Cimmeria after Conan because King of Aquilonia.
  2912. First brought to the western hemisphere by Conan and taught to Mayan
  2913. priesthood (Conan is Quetzlcoatl). That was 4 Ahua, 8 Cumhu, Mayn
  2914. date. revived by Abdul Alhazrad in his infamous _Al Azif,_ circa 800
  2915. A.D. (_Al Azif_ translated into Latin by Olaus Wormius, 1132 A.D., as
  2916. _The Necronomicon._) In 1090 A.D. was the founding of the Ismaelian
  2917. Sect (Hashishim) by Hassan i Sabbah, with secret teachings based on
  2918. Alhazred, Pelias, and Kull. Founding of the Illuminated Ones of
  2919. Bavaria, by Adam Weishaupt, on May 1, 1776. He based it on the
  2920. others. Weishaupt brought it to the United States during the period
  2921. that he was impersonating George Washington; and it was he who was the
  2922. Man in Black who gave the design for the Great Seal to Jeferson in the
  2923. garden that night. The Illuminated tradition is now, of course, in
  2924. the hands of the Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria (A.I.S.B.),
  2925. headquartered here in the United States.
  2926.  
  2927. Our teachings are not, need I remind you, available for publication.
  2928. No harm, though, in admitting that some of them can be found disguised
  2929. in Joyce's _Finnegan's Wake,_ Burrough's _Nova Express,_ the King
  2930. James translation of _The Holy Bible_ (though not the Latin or
  2931. Hebrew), the _The Blue Book._ Not to speak of Ben Franklin's private
  2932. papers (!), but we are still suppressing those.
  2933.  
  2934. Considering current developments -- you know the ones I speak of -- it
  2935. has been decided to reveal a few more of our front organizations.
  2936. Your publication is timely, so mention that in addition to the old
  2937. fronts like the Masons, the Rothchild banks, and the Federal Reserve
  2938. System, we now have significant control of the Federal Bureau of
  2939. Investigation (since Hoover died last year, but that is still secret),
  2940. the Students for a Democratic Society, the Communist Party U.S.A., the
  2941. American Anarchist Association, the John Dillinger Died For You
  2942. Society and the Camp Fire Girls. It is still useful to continue the
  2943. sham of the Birchers that we are seeking world domination; so do not
  2944. reveal that political and economic control was generally complete
  2945. several generations ago and that we are just playing with the world
  2946. for a while until civilization advances sufficiently for phase five.
  2947.  
  2948. Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria
  2949. -- The Discordian Society --
  2950.  
  2951. [Illustration: a hand reading
  2952. MORE points to the next page]
  2953. MALIK to Mal-2 pg. 2
  2954.  
  2955. In fact you might still push Vennard's _The Federal Reserve Hoax_:
  2956. "Since the Babylonian Captivity there has existed a determined,
  2957. behind-the-scenes, under-the-table, atheistic, satanic, anti-Christian
  2958. force -- worshippers of Mammon -- whose undying purpose is world
  2959. control through the control of Money. July 1, 1776 [correct that to
  2960. May 1st -- Vennard can't get anything right] the Serpent raised its
  2961. head in the underground secret society known as the Illuminati,
  2962. founded by Adam Weishaupt. There is considerable documentary evidence
  2963. to prove all revolutions, wars, depressions, strikes, and chaos stem
  2964. from this source." Etc., etc. You know the stuff.
  2965.  
  2966. The general location of our U.S. HQ, incidentally, has been nearly
  2967. exposed; and so we will be moving for the first time this century
  2968. (what a drag!). If you want, you can reveal that it is located deep
  2969. in the labyrinth of sewers beneath Dealy Plaza in Dallas, and is
  2970. presided over by the Dealy Lama. Enclosed are some plans for several
  2971. new potential locations. Please review and add any comments you feel
  2972. pertinent, especially regarding the Eristic propensity of the Pentagon
  2973. site.
  2974.  
  2975. Oh, and we have some good news for you, Brother Mal! You know that
  2976. Zambian cybernetics genius who joined us? Well, he has secretly
  2977. coordinated the FBI computers with the Zurich System and our
  2978. theoreticians are in ecstasy over the new information coming out.
  2979. Look, if you people out there can keep from blowing yourselves up for
  2980. only two more generations, then we will finally have it. After 20 000
  2981. years, Kull's dream will be realized! We can hardly believe it. But
  2982. the outcome is certain, given the time. Our grandchildren, Mal! If
  2983. civilization makes it through this crisis, our grandchildren will
  2984. live in a world of authentic freedom and authentic harmony and
  2985. authentic satisfaction. I hope I'm alive to see it, Mal, success is
  2986. in our grasp. Twenty thousand years...!
  2987.  
  2988. Ah, I get spaced just thinking about it. Good luck on the
  2989. _Principia._ Ewige Blumenkraft! HAIL ERIS.
  2990.  
  2991. Love, MAD MALIK
  2992. [A fingerprint follows]
  2993.  
  2994.  
  2995. -74-
  2996.  
  2997.  
  2998. THE GOLDEN SECRET
  2999.  
  3000. NONSENSE AS SALVATION
  3001.  
  3002. The human race will begin solving its problems on the day that it
  3003. ceases taking itself so seriously.
  3004.  
  3005. To that end, POEE proposes the countergame of NONSENSE AS
  3006. SALVATION. Salvation from an ugly and barbarous existence that is the
  3007. result of taking order so seriously and so seriously fearing contrary
  3008. orders and disorder, that GAMES are taken as more important than LIFE;
  3009. rather than taking LIFE AS THE ART OF PLAYING GAMES.
  3010.  
  3011. To this end, we propose that man develop his innate love for
  3012. disorder, and play with The Goddess Eris. And know that it is a
  3013. joyful play, and that thereby CAN BE REVOKED THE CURSE OF GREYFACE.
  3014.  
  3015. If you can master nonsense as well as you have already learned to
  3016. master sense, then each will expose the other for what it is:
  3017. absurdity. From that moment of illumination, a man begins to be free
  3018. regardless of his surroundings. He becomes free to play order games
  3019. and change them at will. He becomes free to play disorder games just
  3020. for the hell of it. He becomes free to play neither, or both. And as
  3021. the master of his own games, he plays without fear, and therefore
  3022. without frustration, and therefore with good will in his soul and love
  3023. in his being.
  3024.  
  3025. And when men become free mankind will become free.
  3026. May you be free of The Curse of Greyface.
  3027. May the Goddess put twinkles in your eyes.
  3028. May you have the knowledge of a sage,
  3029. and the wisdom of a child.
  3030. Hail Eris. T'AI
  3031. --- ---
  3032. --- ---
  3033. --- ---
  3034. --------
  3035. --------
  3036. --------
  3037.  
  3038.  
  3039. -75-
  3040.  
  3041.  
  3042. THUS ENDS _PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA_
  3043.  
  3044. This being the Fourth Edition, March 1970, San Francisco: a revision
  3045. of the Third Edition of 500 copies, whomped together in Tampa, 1969;
  3046. which revised the Second Edition of 100 copies from Los Angeles, 1969;
  3047. which was a revision of _Principia Discordia, or How the West Was
  3048. Lost,_ published in New Orleans in 1965 in five copies, which were
  3049. mainly lost.
  3050.  
  3051. If you think the _Principia_
  3052. is just a ha-ha, then go
  3053. read it again.
  3054.  
  3055. (K) ALL RIGHTS REVERSED -- REPRINT WHAT YOU LIKE
  3056.  
  3057.  
  3058. Published by POEE Head Temple -- San Francisco
  3059. "ON THE FUTURE SITE OF BEAUTIFUL
  3060. SAN ANDREAS CANYON"
  3061.  
  3062. Office of my high reverence [Illustration: the Golden
  3063. Malaclypse the Younger, K.S.C. Apple of Discordia]
  3064. OPOVIG -- High Priest, POEE
  3065.  
  3066. THE LAST WORD
  3067.  
  3068. The foregoing document was revealed to Mal-2 by the Goddess Herself
  3069. through many consultations with Her within his pineal gland. It is
  3070. guaranteed to be the Word of Goddess. However, it is only fair to
  3071. state that Goddess doesn't always say the same thing to each listener,
  3072. and that other Episkoposes are sometimes told quite different things
  3073. in their Revelations, which are also the Word of Goddess.
  3074. Consequently, if you prefer a Discordian Sect other than POEE, then
  3075. none of these Truths are binding, and it is a rotten shame that you
  3076. have read all
  3077. the way down to the very last
  3078. word.
  3079. ANTI-ARISTOTELIAN
  3080. LEAGUE LIBRARY
  3081.  
  3082.  
  3083. -)(-
  3084.  
  3085.  
  3086. DISCORDIAN SOCIETY
  3087. Dedicated to an advanced
  3088. understanding of the paraphysical
  3089. manifestations of everyday chaos
  3090.  
  3091. DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU HAVE A LOPSIDED PINEAL GLAND?
  3092.  
  3093. Well, probably you do have one, and
  3094. it's unfortunate because lopsided
  3095. pineal glands have perverted the
  3096. Free Spirit of Man, and subverted
  3097. Life into a frustrating, unhappy
  3098. and hopeless mess.
  3099.  
  3100. Fortunately, you have before you
  3101. a pathway that will show you how to
  3102. discover your salvation through
  3103. ERIS, THE GODDESS OF CONFUSION.
  3104. It will advise you how to balance
  3105. your pineal gland and reach Spiritual
  3106. Illumination. And it will teach
  3107. you how to turn your miserable mess
  3108. into a beautiful, joyful, and
  3109. splendid one.
  3110.  
  3111. POEE is a bridge
  3112. from PISCES
  3113. to AQUARIUS
  3114.  
  3115.  
  3116. -)(-
  3117.  
  3118.  
  3119. SPECIAL AFTERWORD
  3120. to the Loompanics Edition of _Principia Discordia_
  3121. G.H. Hill, San Francisco, 1979
  3122. All Rites Reversed (K) Reprint What You Like
  3123. 26 November 1979
  3124.  
  3125. INTERVIEW WITH NORTON CABAL
  3126. by Gypsie Skripto, Special Correspondent
  3127.  
  3128. It has been ten years since I met the mysterious Malaclypse the
  3129. Younger. I was free lancing for the underground papers and went by
  3130. POEE Head Temple at 555 Battery Street to try for an interview.
  3131.  
  3132. I found him in the Temple P.O. Box busy wrapping up the new Fourth
  3133. Edition of _Principia._ He seemed impatient with me, insisting that
  3134. he didn't have the time or inclination for foolish questions from
  3135. reporters. Undaunted, I burst out with questions like whether he
  3136. preferred Panama Red or Acapulco Gold and how the fuck did we manage
  3137. to fit inside of a tiny post office box and other things a propos a
  3138. naive young semiliterate dropout hippy writer. He asked me if I
  3139. wanted to drop mescaline and fuck all night and said he knew how to
  3140. turn himself into a unicorn and there might be room for a tiny
  3141. interview on the cover of the _Principia_ if I wanted to work for the
  3142. _Greater Poop_ so I said sure, okay, I've never dropped mescaline in a
  3143. post office box before.
  3144.  
  3145. It turned out I was among the last to see Malaclypse. As subsequent
  3146. issues of _Greater Poop_ revealed, he was to disappear and POEE
  3147. business was to be assumed by his students at Norton Cabal. Professor
  3148. Ignotum P. Ignotius, Department of Comparative Realities, was assigned
  3149. the Trust of the POEE Scruple and Rev. Dr. Occupant became Keeper of
  3150. the Box. The newly published copies of _Principia_ were distributed
  3151. by Mad Malik, Block Disorganizer, who had distribution contacts with
  3152. the Aluminum Bavariati. Practical relations remained in the hands of
  3153. concept artist G. Hill.
  3154.  
  3155. When the 1,000 _Prinicipias_ were gone the _Greater Poop_ stopped
  3156. publishing, Head Temple closed down and the Cabal just seemed to
  3157. evaporate. Finallly even the box was closed. But over the years I
  3158. noticed that copies were still circulating, and that independent
  3159. Discordian Cabals would occasionally pop out of nowhere (and still
  3160. do). And I would wonder what ever happened to Malaclypse.
  3161.  
  3162. When I read the _Illuminatus_ trilogy I resolved to again find and
  3163. interview the denizens of Joshua Norton Cabal of the Discordian
  3164. Society.
  3165.  
  3166. * * *
  3167.  
  3168. As I cabled over Nob to San Francisco's Station 'O' Post Office I
  3169. couldn't help but wonder at Goddess' hand in assigning street
  3170. addresses to Her outposts. Mal-2 had told me that Good Lord Omar
  3171. always filed everything under "O" for "Out of file."
  3172.  
  3173. "Maya is marvelous" I was thinking when I rapped on the little metal
  3174. door and was greeted warmly by a huge beard who introduced himself as
  3175. Proessor Ignotus. He ushered me into a spacious would paneled and
  3176. tapestry hung parlor where three others were laughing and passing
  3177. around a wine jug. The sunny one in a tunic was the Reverend Doctor
  3178. Occupant, the trim khaki and jeans was Mad Malik and the wine jug
  3179. claimed to be Hill. I got the recorder on....
  3180.  
  3181.  
  3182.  
  3183. GYPSIE SKRIPTO [in response to a question]: ...1969 but only briefly.
  3184. I guess I missed you guys.
  3185.  
  3186. MAD MALIK: No wonder, he was pretty much a one man show then. We
  3187. were just his students and were usually off on errands. You
  3188. worked for the _Poop?_
  3189.  
  3190. Gypsie: Well, for one night anyway. The inteview is in the
  3191. _Principia._
  3192.  
  3193. REV. DR. OCCUPANT: Malik was the only one he would ever let write for
  3194. the _Poop_ or get on the letterhead.
  3195.  
  3196. Gypsie: Did you [Malik] have higher authority than the others?
  3197.  
  3198. Malik: No, [but I was allowed to speak to the _Poop_] because
  3199. [Malaclypse the Younger] hated politics. He was infuriated with
  3200. Johnson and Nixon over Viet Nam because it was turning the
  3201. renaissance into a political revolution and was stealing his
  3202. sacred thunder. So he trained me in Zenarchy, which he learned
  3203. from Omar, and I was the official anarcho-pacifist for the Cabal.
  3204. Also I was liaison to The Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria,
  3205. the Chicago Discordians. Later Omar activated the Hung Mung Cong
  3206. Tong and ELF, on zenarchist principles, and also Operation
  3207. Mindfuck. I was also into those. Though at that time I was
  3208. masquerading in _Greater Poop_ as a cremated cabbage to throw off
  3209. the FBI.
  3210.  
  3211. Gypsie [to Hill]: Since you wrote it, I take it you are an anarchist?
  3212.  
  3213. G.H. HILL: Since then I have given up anarchy. Too many rules --
  3214. hating the government and all that stuff.
  3215.  
  3216. IGNOTUM PER IGNOTIUS: It's like hating your own fantasies.
  3217.  
  3218. Malik: [Anarchy] is also standing ujp and proceeding forward,
  3219. fantasy rule or not. The condition is the same.
  3220.  
  3221. Occupant: Brother needs some wine!
  3222.  
  3223. Malik: We have had this argument before, Reverend Doctor
  3224. Brother. But wine before platitudes, fill it up.
  3225.  
  3226. Gypsie [to Hill]: And pacifism?
  3227.  
  3228. Hill: I'm not sure I ever was one. Mal-2 was not, Malik was.
  3229. Personally I accepted self defense yet I could never reconcile
  3230. that with the ideal. I finally gave up on that one too. Actually
  3231. I just gave up on idealism.
  3232.  
  3233. Ignotius: Idealism lives with rules. Realism lives with rocks.
  3234.  
  3235. Hill: Yeah. I get along better with rocks.
  3236.  
  3237. Malik: Mal-2 once told me that pacifism was a dilemma. If
  3238. everybody was a pacifist then everything would be perfect. But
  3239. nobody is going to be a pacifist unless I am first. But if I am
  3240. and somebody else is not, then I get screwed. He said that there
  3241. were five choices under that circumstance. The first was
  3242. napalming farmers and the second was executing your parents. The
  3243. third was hypocrisy, the fourth was cowardice, and the fifth was
  3244. to swallow the dilemma. Zenarchist are trained in dilemma
  3245. swallowing.
  3246.  
  3247. Occupant: So are other Erisians, like POEE.
  3248.  
  3249. Ignotius: That is characteristic of the Discordian perspective.
  3250.  
  3251. Hill: But of course training contradicts Discordian
  3252. principles.
  3253.  
  3254. Malik: Oh so what. Contradictions are nothing to Discordians.
  3255.  
  3256. Occupant: Dilemma, Schlimemma. [to Gypsie] What do _you_ think
  3257. of this, pretty ma'am? We don't get to hear your thoughts.
  3258.  
  3259. Gypsie: I'm reporting now, you talk.
  3260.  
  3261. Occupant: Later then?
  3262.  
  3263. Gypsie: Perhaps. Later.
  3264.  
  3265. Occupant: You are smiling.
  3266.  
  3267. Gypsie: Hey, guy, later. [to Hill] Doesn't this leave you a
  3268. little schizy?
  3269.  
  3270. Hill: It's okay, I'm half Gemini.
  3271.  
  3272. Gypsie: What's the other half?
  3273.  
  3274. Hill: Taurus. That makes me stubborn schizy.
  3275.  
  3276. Ignotius: I'm a Whale.
  3277.  
  3278. Occupant: I choose Satyr.
  3279.  
  3280. Malik: Spirits don't have signs.
  3281.  
  3282. Hill: A character can have a sign if I want it so.
  3283.  
  3284. Occupant: Well I can have a sign if _I_ want to and screw both of
  3285. you.
  3286.  
  3287. Malik: Come on Greg, you just think that we are your
  3288. characters....
  3289.  
  3290. Occupant: You were inhabited by Malaclypse the Younger. He caused
  3291. you to create roles and those roles are being performed by us
  3292. spirits.
  3293.  
  3294. Ignotius: A perfectly normal pagan relationship.
  3295.  
  3296. Hill: Well you can look at it like that if you want to, but I
  3297. created Mal-2 to my specifications just as I conceived all the
  3298. rest of you.
  3299.  
  3300. Occupant: You didn't invent Eris. She _caused_ you to think you
  3301. created the spirit of Malaclypse.
  3302.  
  3303. Hill: Oh bull! Besides, I changed her so much the Greeks
  3304. would never recognize her.
  3305.  
  3306. Occupant: That's what She wanted!
  3307.  
  3308. Ignotius: Deities change things around all the time.
  3309.  
  3310. Malik: What you don't realize is that a spirit has a self
  3311. identity.
  3312.  
  3313. Hill: Nope. A spirit is a product of definition and the one
  3314. who is doing the defining around here is me. Your identity is
  3315. what I say it is. Just to prove it, I'm going to change your
  3316. name.
  3317.  
  3318. SINISTER DEXTER: It's okay with me. Fate is fate. I never much
  3319. liked "Mad Malik" anyway.
  3320.  
  3321. Ignotius: Besides people confused him with joe Malik in
  3322. _Illuminatus._
  3323.  
  3324. Dexter: I sort of enjoyed the confusion part.
  3325.  
  3326. Occupant: Doesn't prove anything anyway.
  3327.  
  3328. Gypsie: That name sounds familiar. Where is it from?
  3329.  
  3330. Hill: It's a name I came up with in the old days and never
  3331. used much. It's on page 38 of the _Principia_ referring to Vice
  3332. President Spiro Agnew. I always thought I invented it but now it
  3333. sounds like a Stan Freberg name now that I think about it. It may
  3334. have stuck in my preconscious memory from early TV.
  3335.  
  3336. Gypsie: Can you use it without his permission?
  3337.  
  3338. Hill: If it is his? I don't know. I hope so. It means "left
  3339. right" in Latin and is a perfect name for libertarian anarchist.
  3340. Actually in my kind of art the question of what can I use freely
  3341. and what can I not is a very tricky problem.
  3342.  
  3343. Gypsie: How do you mean?
  3344.  
  3345. Hill: Well, take a collage for example. Like the early one on
  3346. page 36 of the _Principia._ Each little piece was extracted from
  3347. some larger work created by some other artist and published and
  3348. maybe copyrighted. I find them in newspapers and magazines
  3349. mostly. Often from ads. With a collage you select and extract
  3350. from your environment and then assemble into an original
  3351. relationship.
  3352.  
  3353. The _Principia_ itself is a collage. A conceptual collage. All
  3354. of it happens simultaneously. But visually it is a montage,
  3355. passing through time, like a book does.
  3356.  
  3357. There is a lot of pirated stuff in the _Principia,_ especially in
  3358. the margins. But also I sympathize with artists who must own and
  3359. sell their works to earn a living. Art, like knowledge, should be
  3360. free fodder for everyone. But it isn't. It is perplexing.
  3361.  
  3362. Gypsie: Where did all the things in _Principia_ come from?
  3363.  
  3364. Hill: Well, a full answer would take a whole book in itself.
  3365. Most of the writing credited to a name is a true person and almost
  3366. always a different name means a different person. Most of the
  3367. non-credited, you know, Malaclypse, text is mine although some
  3368. things credited to either Mal-2 or Omar were actually co-written
  3369. and passed back and forth and rewritten by each of us. The
  3370. marginalia, dingbats and pasted in titles and heads and things
  3371. came from wherever I found them -- some of which is original but
  3372. uncredited Discordian output, like the page head on 12 and other
  3373. pages which is from a series of satiric memo pads from Our Peoples
  3374. Underworld Cabal. All page layout is mine and some whole graphics
  3375. like the Sacred Chao and the Hodge Podge Transforme are mine but
  3376. mostly I just found stuff and integrated it. Mostly I did
  3377. concept, say 50% of the writing, 10% of the graphics, all of the
  3378. layout.
  3379.  
  3380. Gypsie: Specifically, what are some of the sources?
  3381.  
  3382. Hill: Well, the poem on the front cover is by Walt Kelly and
  3383. was spoken by one of his characters in _Pogo._ The government
  3384. seals starting on page 1 are from a book of sample seals fro the
  3385. U.S. Government Printing Office. Western Union on page 6 got into
  3386. the act because I used to be a teletype operator and had access to
  3387. blank forms. Rubber stamps came from all over the place and some,
  3388. like the apple on page 27, I carved myself. A few I ordered to my
  3389. specification, like on page 1. The quote on top of page 8 might
  3390. be from Barnum, I'm not sure. The jumping man on page 12 is from
  3391. an advertisement. I recognize the style -- a popular commercial
  3392. artist -- but I don't know his name. The Chinese on that page is
  3393. a grocery ad, I think. The Norton money on page 14 is historic,
  3394. plus my little additions. The apple on page 17, as well as the
  3395. triangle on 23 and the Sacred Chao on 50 are, believe it or not,
  3396. pasteups from _mimeographs,_ from Seattle Cabal. That group
  3397. produces the best damn mimeography I've ever seen. The Lick Here
  3398. Box on page 23 is one of many tidbits making the rounds in
  3399. alternative/underground newspapers these days. Trip 5 page header
  3400. on 29 was a chapter title in one of Tim Leary's books. The Knight
  3401. on the bull with the TV antenna on his helmet on page 46 came from
  3402. a very artistic magazine called _Horseshit_ and put out by two
  3403. brothers from Long Beach. I don't remember their names.
  3404. Wonderful magazine.
  3405.  
  3406. Occupant: Eris told Mal-2 what to use and where to find it.
  3407.  
  3408. Hill: Yeah, in a way that is right. That is why my name does
  3409. not appear anywhere on the _Principia_ and why it wa spublished
  3410. with a broken copyright -- Reprint What You Like. I knew I was
  3411. taking liberties and didn't want my intentions to be
  3412. misunderstood. It was an experiment and was intended to be an
  3413. underground work that involves a different set of ethics than
  3414. commercial work.
  3415.  
  3416. Gypsie: There are no real names at all?
  3417.  
  3418. Hill: Oh, some. Camden Benares is a real name because he
  3419. legally changed his original name to his Holy Name. Also, instead
  3420. of using Mordecai Malignatus I used Bob Wilson's real name on page
  3421. 12 because _Werewolf Bridge_ was a work before Discordianism. And
  3422. of course real people like Neils Bohr crop up in quotes.
  3423.  
  3424. Gypsie: What do you think about the _Principia_ now? Would you
  3425. want to change it?
  3426.  
  3427. Hill: I consider it a successful work and I wouldn't want to
  3428. change it. In some ways it is immature and I am not the same
  3429. person I was 10 years ago, but it accomplished the objectives I
  3430. set for myself and it has trhe effect I want it to have. There
  3431. are a few errors though.
  3432.  
  3433. Gypsie: Like what?
  3434.  
  3435. Hill: Oh, I changed a quote from Tom Gnostic on page 61 and I
  3436. don't think he ever did forgive me for it. He's righ. Starbuck's
  3437. Pebbles should have been preceded by the Myth of Starbuck which
  3438. was being saved for something else and never got used. I should
  3439. have used it when I had the chance. And then Eris did a neat
  3440. little trick on me by having IBM make the Greek selectric
  3441. typewriter element not coincide with all the characters on their
  3442. keyboard. So the little "kallisti" that first appears on the
  3443. title page and lastly on the back cover came out "kallixti" and I
  3444. was too dumb to know the difference.
  3445.  
  3446. Gypsie: Will there ever be a Fifth Edition?
  3447.  
  3448. Hill: There already is a Fifth Edition, by Mal-2. It is a one
  3449. page telegram that reduces everything to an infinite aum. I found
  3450. it at Western Union where a machine got stuck and kicked out
  3451. hundreds of pages of nothing but M's. He made it the Fifth
  3452. Edition and then left.
  3453.  
  3454. Principia/Malaclypse was a very personal work for me and actually
  3455. took 10 years to culminate. It was one single statement that
  3456. included my adolescence in the 50's and my young adulthood in the
  3457. 60's. When I finally had the pasteups done I knew that I had
  3458. finished it. That is why, quote, Malaclypse left. I knew it was
  3459. finished. I didn't know exactly what it was, but it was done?
  3460.  
  3461. Occupant: See?
  3462.  
  3463. Gypsie: Earlier you said that you met your objectives. Just
  3464. what were those objectives?
  3465.  
  3466. Hill: Well, that's hard to answer because it kept refining
  3467. itself over the years. In 1969 I mainly thought of myself as a
  3468. cosmic clown and I set out to prove, by demonstration, that a
  3469. deity can be anything at all.
  3470.  
  3471. In other words, people invent gods and not the other way around.
  3472. Later I decided that I was doing some kind of conceptual art.
  3473.  
  3474. In the 50's my culture taught me that I was created by and for a
  3475. deity, a specific male deity, and that all other deities are
  3476. FALSE. Yet my growing experience showed me that any deity is true
  3477. in some sense and false in some other sense. So I set out to do
  3478. what my society told me is impossible -- make a real religion from
  3479. a patently absurd deity.
  3480.  
  3481. In the 50's a female deity was blasphemy. In the 70's a humorous
  3482. deity is still considered impossible, ridiculous and blasphemous.
  3483. Eris is a real deity and even though I don't promote Erisianism as
  3484. a serious religion....
  3485.  
  3486. Occupant: I do!
  3487.  
  3488. Dexter: You speak for yourself.
  3489.  
  3490. Ignotius: Here, here.
  3491.  
  3492. Hill: ...I do point out that it makes just as much sense from
  3493. its own perspective as all the others do from each of their own
  3494. perspectives.
  3495.  
  3496. Occupant: I think paganism is a valid spiritual path. I encourage
  3497. Erisianism because it makes fun of itself. I think this is
  3498. healthy.
  3499.  
  3500. Ignotius: If you can live rewardingly with Goddess Eris you can
  3501. live with any deity, including none at all.
  3502.  
  3503. Dexter: I don't much go for the worship business but I agree
  3504. with Occupant about the spirit of the thing. We live in a time of
  3505. turmoil, the whole planet is in a state of change. If we, as a
  3506. species, cower from the confusion then we die with the dying.
  3507. This is revolution.
  3508.  
  3509. Ignotius: I am an atheist myself. There is no Greg Hill.
  3510.  
  3511. [laughter]
  3512.  
  3513. Gypsie [to Hill]: What do you think of _Illuminatus?_
  3514.  
  3515. Hill: Oh, I love it. I was finishing _Principia_ when Shea
  3516. and Wilson were working on _Illuminatus._ It took Dell five years
  3517. to publish it...maybe that is significant. The 1969 Discordian
  3518. Society was a mail network between independent writers of various
  3519. kinds. Norton Cabal was just me and my characters and I used the
  3520. other cabals as a sort of laboratory. In return other Discordians
  3521. would bounce their stuff off of me. We would toss in ideas and
  3522. anybody could take anything out. It was a concept stew. The
  3523. exchanging of ideas and techniques broadened and encouraged all of
  3524. us.
  3525.  
  3526. I like _Illuminatus_ for the surrealism. A very effective method
  3527. of writing.
  3528.  
  3529. Ignotius: I got misquoted. Worse, I wasn't even in that scene and
  3530. if I had been then I would have said something else.
  3531.  
  3532. Dexter [to Ignotius]: That was me in that scene.
  3533.  
  3534. Ignotius: Oh, is that what it was?
  3535.  
  3536. Dexter: He got our names mixed up.
  3537.  
  3538. Hill: He got mixed up about me, too, in _Cosmic Trigger._ BOb
  3539. says that when Oswald was buying the assassination rifle, my
  3540. girlfriend was printing the first edition of _Principia_ on Jim
  3541. Garrison's Xerox. It wasn't my girlfriend, it was Kerry's; it
  3542. wasn't the _First Ed Principia,_ it was some earlier Discordian
  3543. thoughts; it wasn't Garrison's Xerox, it was his mimeograph; and
  3544. it wasn't just before Kennedy was shot but a couple of years
  3545. before that.*
  3546.  
  3547. The _First Ed Principia,_ by the way, was reproduced at Xerox
  3548. Corp. when xerography was a new technology. Which was my second
  3549. New Orleans trip in 1965. I worked for a guy on Bourbon Street
  3550. who was a Xerox salesman by day.
  3551.  
  3552. Dexter: I think that George Dorn took too much guff from
  3553. Hagbard. If someone pulls a weapon on me, I'm more inclined to
  3554. either leave or kill the sonofabitch.
  3555.  
  3556. Occupant: You are supposed to be a pacifist.
  3557.  
  3558. Dexter: I'm speaking figuratively of course. I'll tell you
  3559. more tomorrow.
  3560.  
  3561. Gypsie [to Hill]: Did you really translate erotic Etruscan poetry?
  3562.  
  3563. Hill: Sure, but I used a pen name. I signed it "Robert Anton
  3564. Wilson."
  3565.  
  3566. [a quick rap is heard on the door]
  3567.  
  3568. Gypsie: I have only one question left...
  3569.  
  3570. Dexter: I'll get it.
  3571.  
  3572. Gypsie: ...what I really want to know is how can we all fit
  3573. inside of a tiny little post office box?
  3574.  
  3575. Dexter [to Gypsie]: It's a telegram for you, from Mal-2.
  3576.  
  3577. Gypsie: To me?
  3578.  
  3579. [paper tearing]
  3580.  
  3581. Gyspie [reading]: "If I told everybody how they could live inside of
  3582. a post office box then everybody would stop paying landlords and
  3583. go live inside their post office boxes. It would collapse the
  3584. building! Can you _imagine,_ post offices collapsing all over the
  3585. country, the hemisphere, the PLANET! The whole world's
  3586. communication system would be destroyed. No, no, I must not say.
  3587. I _dare_ not!"
  3588.  
  3589. # # #
  3590.  
  3591. ----------
  3592. * I checked this further with Mr. Thornley. He says that the woman
  3593. in question was not his girlfriend, she was just a friend, and it
  3594. wasn't a couple of years before Kenedy was shot but had to be a
  3595. couple of years after (but before Garrison investigated Thornley).
  3596. -- GS
  3597.  
  3598.  
  3599. -)(-
  3600.  
  3601.  
  3602. FIFTH EDITION ODD# infinity
  3603.  
  3604. P R I N C I P I A D I S C O R D I A
  3605. or
  3606. A Catterpillar's Praise to the Butterfly
  3607.  
  3608. being the
  3609. FINAL STATEMENT
  3610. of Malaclypse the Younger
  3611.  
  3612. published by Joshua Norton Cabal
  3613. San Francisco (K) All Rites Reversed
  3614.  
  3615.  
  3616. -)(-
  3617.  
  3618.  
  3619. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
  3620. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
  3621. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
  3622. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
  3623. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
  3624. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
  3625. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
  3626. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
  3627. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
  3628. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
  3629. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
  3630. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
  3631. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
  3632. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
  3633.  
  3634.  
  3635. -)(-
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