I don't know how to explain it. It's like a feeling of shame washed over me, but I didn't even know what to be shameful about. I lived in a Christian household at the time; were these the forbidden feelings that I was warned about?

The next day at school, I went to one of my friends who also played FF14 at the time. We'll call him Robert. I explained to him what Lololita and I did, and the way that it made me feel. I honestly thought that he was just going to laugh at me, but I had nobody else to go to. To my surprise, he didn't. In fact, we even went through our little "bro" moment and he congratulated me with a fist-bump. Robert told me that I "got in" which I kind of just passed off as a joke. Then, I told him about what I searched on google the day prior. I think he saw how I naive I was then, because he actually just responded with, and I won't forget it, "Dude, you've never jerked your dick?" I bursted out laughing, and he joined, but I think it was at my expense. He told me to meet him at lunch later where he'd explain everything, and he did. I went home at the end of that day, ready to explore.

I closed my door. I fired up google. I typed "naked Lalafell", and hit enter. I'll let you infer on what happened next.

I. Was. Hooked. I spent the entire rest of the day surfing the web for Lalafell, and when I came around to logging on to FF14, I saw Lololita was online. I whispered her, asking if she'd like to ERP. She said yes. We did our thing. When my aetherflow-bar was full, I knew how to properly spend my points, and I can with utmost confidence tell you that it was the most DPS i've ever put out in a single go.

Things would continue like this. I spent most of my life outside of school on FF14. I was getting older, and I was being conditioned by numerous amounts of RP partners and r34 "FF14" threads, to the point that it became the only thing that I could think about. The only thing that I could, well, spend my aetherflow to. As I progressed in to adulthood, I actually managed to find a few girlfriends out in the real world; this was after my 5-year FF14 relationship with Lololita failed. Won't get in to that here, but if you want to know more I might make another post about it. Anyways, I couldn't ever manage to keep a girlfriend because I simply could not perform in the bedroom. Plain and simple. I can only get off to FF14 characters, or FF14 roleplay. Make fun of me all you like, but this is a serious problem that I'm not sure how to address.

I grew up associating sexual pleasure with Final Fantasy 14, and now I can't shake that mindset. I only sub to SB to get my daily fap in. I'm serious. I'm grateful that today I'm in a FF14 relationship where my partner acknowledges my problem and agrees to ERP with me every day, otherwise we wouldn't be able to do anything. She actually visited about 2 months ago, and we weren't able to have sex because she isn't a Lalafell. Luckily she brought her laptop, she went in to the next room and I was able to get off to her character, and then we went out and got ice-cream. I. Need. Help. I don't know what to do, so I'm turning to reddit. Should I press legal charges on Yoshi for crippling my life? Should I cut off all of my RP friends? I don't know what to do.

Please, help.

With love,

Darkcloud Sama  (Mateus)