First Times For Everything (ch11)

FOR MY $20+ PATRONS!

This chapter will continue the previous chapter's trend of 'Adora giving speeches to put people in their place' only this time it isn't Shadow-Weaver, and it isn't done in anger.

Disclaimer: I do not own She-Ra.

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												Chapter 11. Midnight Truths

It's dark. Even for Catra. Her keen eyes that are much sharper in the darkness than most people's aren't doing her any good this time around.

She isn't sure where she is, but she knows it has to be somewhere within the Fright Zone. After all, she's never been anywhere else.

She can't discern which way is traversable, so she just chooses a direction and starts walking.

She can hear something, but she can't figure out what. It's just a distant, low humming sound, almost like a growl. It's monotonous and unrelenting. It makes her ears tremble enough to flatten.

As she walks, the sound gets loud enough that it makes her head ache, so she turns away and tries to go elsewhere. Out of the corner of her eye, she spots something, but when she turns it's gone. She isn't even sure what it had been other than a flash of movement. She can't discern a shape or size or color. She can't be sure about anything.

The droning sound continues as she walks, her body curving down slightly into a natural, defensive crouch. The noise keeps throwing off her senses, making her skull buzz and her eyes pound.

At some point it'd gotten cold, so she crosses her arms tightly over her chest. She keeps seeing something out of the corner of her eye, but she can never tell what. All she knows is that it's getting closer.

She walks a little faster, and the movement actually stops for a time. For a while, only the droning sound vibrates in the back of her head and the pit of her stomach. But then something moves again. She swallows back a hiss and digs her claws into her skin.

Before she knows it she's running.

Whatever it is never comes quickly. It's always just small flashes out of her peripheral vision, barely anything at all, but just enough. She runs, so focused on trying to avoid or escape whatever is pursuing her she never thinks to consider anything else.

The next thing she knows the floor has fallen away and her feet go straight through into nothing. She screams, but only the loud droning sound can be heard. She feels the terror of the fall into complete darkness, but she's numbed by the landing. She wants to lie there, but another shift in motion has her scrambling up to run once again.

That's when she starts tasting the blood.

At first it's just a slight rustic tang on the back of her tongue or the roof of her mouth. But then it's in between her teeth, lining her gums, coming back no matter how much she swallows. Eventually it starts to drip from her lips, and she can feel it seeping into her clothes.

The sound gets louder, and another flash of something catches her eye. She coughs, and the darkness suddenly turns bright red.

And she screams again, but no one hears.

Adora tends to toss and turn in her sleep if she's having a nightmare. She knows this, because she'd often twitch or kick Catra at the foot of the bed by accident and wake her.

But she knows Catra is the opposite. She doesn't thrash around, but there are still telltale signs.

Adora wakes in the middle of the night because she senses something isn't right. She's still curled around Catra on the top bunk, but despite being covered by the blankets, Catra is still shivering. Her pulse is thudding hard and fast in her chest, and Adora can feel it. She hugs Catra a little tighter, nuzzling against the thick hair against the nape of her neck. She's quiet for a moment, hoping it'll pass.

But Catra's condition doesn't improve, so Adora has no choice but to wake her. She eases back and sits herself up a little, reaching out to gently caress her face.

"Catra?"

She curls her fingers back through Catra's bangs and over her quivering ear, stroking the fur softly. Catra flinches, but doesn't wake. Adora runs her hand down her shoulder and rubs her back in steady circles.

"Catra? Catra, wake up."

It takes a couple more shakes, but eventually Catra jolts. Her eyes open wide and wild at the height of her panic, as she instinctively pushes herself up, still frightened that whatever had been in her nightmare was still here.

Adora finds her hand and holds it firmly.

"It's okay. It was just a dream."

When Catra looks up and recognizes her, she almost whimpers with relief.

"Adora..."

"The one and only," she smiles. "You okay?"

Catra inches away a little, though her hand is still in Adora's.

"Yeah."

Adora pulls her back in.

"I don't believe you. C'mere."

She pulls Catra in closer and opens her arms to wrap her back up in them.

Catra is tense at first; Adora knows she hates to show weakness more than anything.

But in the middle of the night, when it's only Adora who can see her, Catra eventually breaks. Her claws find their way softly over Adora's back and curl into her shirt. She hides her face in the crook of Adora's neck. Her ear brushes against what should be the soft skin of Adora's cheek, but instead it now touches the rougher covering of the bandage that's there. She tries to keep her voice down, but it isn't long before tiny sobs begin tumbling out.

"Sorry..."

Adora hugs her closer and hushes her. She can still feel Catra's heart racing from the night terror, and it isn't long before she can feel drops of dampness forming on her shirt collar.

Adora gathers Catra into her arms and slowly lies them both down again, covering them with the blankets as much as she can.

Catra clings to her weakly, not like a ferocious Force Cadet, but like the frightened child she'd once been. She may have changed in many ways over the years, but there were some things Adora felt would never quite change. Like how she was always quick to blame herself – in her heart if not on the surface – and how she tended to suffer all alone in silence because she didn't want to drag anyone else down with her.

Adora had been trying all these years to let her know she didn't mind sinking with her a little bit, because Adora would always find a way back to the surface in time.

She lets Catra hide in her arms now, shaking and sobbing so quietly it's barely noticeable at all. Adora wishes they could go somewhere where Catra could scream as loud as she wanted, just to liberate some of the stifling pressure. But for now, she hopes this is good enough.

It's like that for a while. Adora continues petting up and down her back in soothing motions. Catra's tail finds its way across her hip as always as she holds onto Adora in every way she possibly can. Adora can feel the damp spot on her shoulder expanding, still.

"Hey..." she murmurs. "Do you wanna talk about it...? I'll listen."

But Catra shakes her head.

"No. Not really..."

"Okay. Then try not to think about it. Just try to-"

"How-?!" Catra's rasp of a voice suddenly rises in a low shout. She pushes herself away and glares up at Adora in the darkness with both of her mis-matched eyes drowning. "How can I just try not to think about it, Adora? It's all I ever think about anymore..."

Startled, and fearing Catra might try to leave her again, Adora moves close, taking her hand.

"What? What's all you ever think about?"

Catra hisses, but Adora can tell it isn't at her. She looks away, but her hand betrays her true feelings as it squeezes Adora's in turn.

"All of it," she confesses. "How all I ever do is hurt you. How Shadow-Weaver's been right from the start. You're better off without me to screw you up. You'd be a Force Commander by now if it weren't for me-"

"Hey!" Adora snaps sharply enough to cut her partner off. Catra's eyes widen in shock as the words die on her tongue. Adora glares back at her in disapproval. "What the heck are you saying? Since when is hurting me all you ever do? What about all the times you've saved my ass from falling off a cliff or into a pit? What about all the times you've sat there and listened to me yammer on about whatever was on my mind? What about the times I was sick and you brought me supper? What about all the times you've covered my blindside and taken a hit for me?"

She pulls Catra a little closer again, but never once looks away from her eyes.

"You've hurt me, like... maybe two times, Catra. By accident. And I've hurt you, too. So don't just go deciding by yourself that you're no good, or that you're a bad friend or partner, or that all you ever do is hurt people. And don't listen to Shadow-Weaver, either. She doesn't know crap about you. She just likes to scare people into submission so no one's willing to challenge her. I bet she only picks on you because she's scared you're gonna be the one to surpass her one day."

Adora holds Catra's tearful, disbelieving gaze for a moment longer before pulling her back into her arms and lowering her voice.

"Remember? It doesn't matter what anyone does to us. We'll look out for each other. But if you're going to just keep thinking something dumb like I don't deserve you, or that all you ever do is hurt me... then how are you going to keep your promise? You can't look out for me if you're gone, Catra."

She finishes with somewhat of a huff and locks both arms around her partner almost defiantly. She hears Catra whimper once again, a sound that's clogged in the back of her throat.

But in spite of everything, Catra returns the embrace. Moving her injured arm still makes her flinch, but the pain won't stop her. It never has before, and it certainly won't start now. She huddles into Adora's chest and lets out a shaking breath, though when she finally does speak, Adora can hear a tiny smirk in her voice.

"Sap..."

Adora rolls her eyes.

"Look who's talking."

Adora hugs her quietly for a moment, pulling the blankets the rest of the way up over Catra's back, on account of she's still shaking slightly. She feels the claws still digging lightly into her shirt, feels the tail still tapping at her hip.

But what worries her the most is that there's no purr – not even the beginnings of a rumble. Without that, she knows something is still wrong.

Adora waits for a moment longer, until Catra's pulse has slowed and the shaking has mostly stopped. She rests a hand on her shoulder and slowly traces her palm down Catra's arm to her elbow, and eventually her bruised forearm. She rubs the injury very softly, soft enough that Catra doesn't even flinch.

"Hey..." She nestles her face gently into Catra's hair, brushing her nose against the soft fur of her ear. "You okay?"

Catra heaves a sigh against her, but when she exhales it feels steady.

"Maybe... You?"

"Probably."

"...How's your face?"

"What, am I that ugly, Catra?"

"Listen, smart-ass-"

"Okay, it was a joke, I'm sorry!" Adora chuckles and ruffles her friend's hair a little before lowering her tone. "It's fine, Catra. Honestly. It doesn't even hurt."

She hears a soft grunt, then feels a hand on the bandaged side of her face. She looks down into Catra's eyes with earnest ones, ensuring she isn't lying about the statement.

The only pain she sees is in Catra's gaze.

The hand on Adora's cheek begins to quiver before Catra pulls it away.

"I'm-"

"Hey, enough of that." Adora doesn't let her finish. She pulls Catra in close again, letting her hide beneath the blankets and in Adora's arms. "It's okay, Catra. It's really, really okay. I wouldn't lie to you. Not about something like this."

She hears a sniffle, but a bit of spunk comes back into Catra's voice.

"Oh? So you've lied to me about other things?"

"You haven't?"

"...Shut up."

Adora laughs.

"Yes, I've lied to you tons, Catra. Like the time I said the tuna in the mess hall was spoiled, so you didn't have any all evening and you just pouted the whole time."

"Wait, what?! That was a lie? So the tuna was perfectly fine?"

"I mean-"

"Why you-"

Adora chuckles again.

"I'm sorry! You're just so cute when you pout like that! Besides, you got to eat, like, three tuna sandwiches the next day, right?"

Catra just growls softly and buries her face, clearly pouting more. Adora nuzzles into her hair.

"Can you ever forgive me for lying about the tuna?"

"I guess... Cuz remember that time you asked me if the outfit you chose looked 'Force Captain-worthy'?"

Adora fakes a gasp of betrayal.

"You didn't!"

"Yeah, I lied. It looked terrible."

"Catraaaa!"

Adora's feigned whining actually earns a brief chuckle from her partner.

"You're such a dork," Catra mutters.

"Yeah, yeah..."

Adora lets out a sigh, relieved Catra seems to be feeling better for the most part. But after their bout of giggles fades, Catra grows unnaturally silent once again. Adora holds her for a while longer, rubbing up and down her back as Catra sighs against her. Her tail has gone limp, and her pulse has slowed, but Adora can't tell if it's because she's tired, or for some other reason. Tentatively, she brushes the backs of her nails over Catra's ear and down through her hair.

"Catra...? Are you-?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Let's just go to bed..."

Somehow Adora isn't fully convinced, but it's already past midnight. Hopefully, if Catra can get some restful sleep without the nightmares, she might feel better tomorrow.

"Okay," she agrees, albeit a little reluctantly. "But... Catra, if there's something wrong-"

"I'll tell you," she mutters. "I got it, Adora."

"Really? Please, Catra. I mean it." She hugs her a little tighter, and her voice falls into the tiniest whisper, only for Catra's ears. "I care about you, Catra. Don't ever forget that."

There's a beat of silence, and Adora tenses up. But then she feels Catra give her a hearty squeeze in return, an embrace that says more than her stubborn words ever could.

"Idiot. I know that..."

That's what her mouth says. But her arms say something softer. 'Thank you.'

Adora smiles and makes sure Catra is as snug as she can possibly be in this curled-up position. Even Adora's body has learned to get comfortable like this by now. Catra burrows into her collar while Adora rests her chin on her best friend's shoulder, nestling into her hair.

"Goodnight, Catra."

There's a sigh, and then the response, like always.

"Night, Adora."

She sounds about as tired as Adora feels. She hopes Catra will be able to sleep more easily now for the remainder of the night.

Adora closes her eyes at long last, letting herself relax against her partner. Catra's pulse beats softly up against her chest. And it's barely noticeable at all, but Adora can feel the faintest rumblings of a tiny, timid purr as well. She knows Catra is hardly in any mood for that tonight, but she's still trying anyway, because she knows how much Adora likes it.

Adora reciprocates by planting a small kiss on Catra's temple, so light that it probably goes unnoticed thanks to the wild thickness of Catra's hair. But the purr gets just a little bit louder, so she knows the sentiment at least is appreciated.

Adora makes sure to stay awake until she's completely certain Catra has fallen asleep first. She waits for a while, making sure she's resting peacefully before she allows herself the same luxury. Eventually, she's confident in the fact that Catra is sleeping soundly.

Adora finally drifts off after her, brushing her bandaged cheek against Catra's neck.

The soft little purr dies off before long, but Adora thinks nothing of it.

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A/N: I really hate myself for writing all this deep, emotional, almost romantic dialogue between them claiming it's pre-series, knowing full-well what the series does to them (and what they do to betray each other). Ugh.