Adam's Family Reunion part 1

from /hhg/ - Hazbin Hotel General #359, #364, #367 and #368
-----
Here is a neat story concept I thought of
>Adam and Eve have family reunions but this time they decided to do it in hell so Lilith and her family can participate
>Eve and Lilith have sort of a rivalry since Lilith is Adam's ex (and sister)
>Adam was originally upset with Lucifer tempting them with the Apple that casted them out of the garden but has long since forgiven him for that and now they're sort of chill with each other
>Adam and Eve thinks Charlie is a good kid whose heart is in the right place
>Abel and Cain (who since his crime of murdering his brother has now became the demon, Caim) are also there and they're not really on good terms with each other
>Adam is just desperately trying to keep things together
-
>Charlie pokes Adam's chest to see if he really is missing a rib
>Realizes that's totally inappropriate only after he looks at her like she's got two heads

>Despite being a vegetarian, Cain brought a meat dish for the potluck, assuming from past experience that everyone would prefer that
>Abel on the other hand prepared a vegetable dish as a gesture of goodwill to his estranged brother
>Charlie brought a bunch of candy

>Adam tries to get Charlie and Cain to hang out, figuring that it'll just happen naturally since they're both demons
>It doesn't
>It's awkward as fuck because they don't actually have anything in common
>She was born in Hell to a fallen angel and a protohuman
>He was a human who invented a new type of sin
>They're worlds apart
>But then one of them comments on how clueless Adam is for shoving them together "becuz yer both deemunz" and they have a laugh
-
>Eve and Lilith trade barbs, but it's nothing serious
>mentioning kids are strictly off-limits, though
>then Abel, clueless, saintly-pure himbo as he is, compares their history to Lilith's myriad brood of serpentine children from Samael, who were culled by angels
>already at the point where he mentions the other big-name angel, everyone's going "Oh shit, boi, now you've done it..." in their heads, and Caim is gesticulating with increasing desperation to get him to drop the topic
>Adam is exchanging worried looks with Lucifer, who's likewise called Charlie aside to come up with an evacuation plan
>all the while, Lilith and Eve are just standing there, with frozen smiles on their faces, both twitching at random points
-
>Lilith and Eve turn to each other
>"Do you want to smack him, or should I do it?"

>Cain finally manages to get Abel's attention and gestures for him to shut his mouth and run like mad
-
>Later on in the day, an exterminator shows up
>Everyone starts freaking out
>It raises its spear and starts advancing toward Charlie
>Lucifer and Lilith place themselves in between the destructive automaton and their daughter, ready to fight to the death

>Cain just rolls his eyes

>"Everyone chill, I got it"
>"The Lord put a mark on me so that no one could ever kill me"
>"Watch this"

>Cain calmly steps into the exterminator's path
>It glitches out for a moment, then tries to go around him
>He cuts it off again
>And again
>And again

>The exterminator is cut off from the rest of the network
>Its targeting systems are running on local processors only
>Having this untargetable person standing in front of it is more than it can handle
>Everyone lines up behind Cain like a conga line to stay out of the exterminator's sights and just waits for it to get tired
>Eventually Eve comes out of the bathroom and sees the ridiculous spectacle
>She smashes a bowl of fruit salad over the exterminator's head, knocking it out

>"You know what? I never really liked these things to begin with."
-
>Charlie suddenly perks up
>"Who's... Idea was to send these things down here, anyway?"
>everyone freezes
>this time it's Caim who stands around looking clueless, while Adam and Lucifer subtly exchange glances, the latter shaking his head
>Eve, on the other hand...

>"In this family, we don't talk about... her."
-
>The eldest of them all tap their feet for a moment, hemming and hawing

>"Well, really, what CAN you say about her anyway?"

>Someone else interjects, bitterly

>"Oh gee, I don't know, maybe that she's INSUFFERABLE?!"

>"RIGHT?"

>"Even before I fell, she used to drive me up the friggin' walls"

>"Join the club..."
-
>a still clueless Caim turns to his brother
>"Who?"
>Abel just stares ahead, his brows furrowed
>more voices seem to speak up from the crowd

>"She's terrible."

>"Worst. Replacement. Ever."

>"Zadkiel... hates her. Zadkiel!"

>"Well, that's not too surprising, to be honest..."

>"Even Jesus has trouble putting on a nice face for her!"

>"To mention nothing of Moses or Mohammad..."

>"Thank goodness the Almighty stripper her position of any MORE power - she's already giving Michael and the others enough trouble as she is!"

>Adam suddenly turned to Lucifer
>"She replaced you." he said, simply, causing the fallen angel to visibly glow red all over

>"I͜͟.̶ K̵̢͜n̡o̶̧̕͜͡w̕͜͞͝.̶" he squeezed out with a growl

>the others noticed this, too

>"I thought she was created AFTER Lucifer and the others left."

>"She'd be more fitting as Apollyon's replacement."

>"Or Samael's..."

>"Oh, God forbid...!"

>the Devil growled at the name of the Lord, only to have the soothing hand of his wife upon her forehead
>"Calm down, dear..."
>and Lucifer did, with a deep sigh

>"No... She'd been a thorn in our side for long." he muttered "Thankfully, the Old Man had the foresight to not trust her with the same rank and power he trusted ME, but... Still... He's back to his old habit of putting waaaay to much faith into things he creates..."

>"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Adam
>Luci merely stared at him, before gazing out at the sight of the distant Pentagram, filled to the brim with the lost and deceived, distant offsprings of the First Man
>and then, he looked back

>"Well... I ended up down here, haven't I?"

>his tension escaping him, Adam nodded with sympathy, as Eve rolled her eyes, and Lilith suppressed a chuckle
>still clueless as ever
-
>"You guys talking about Adina?"

>Everyone jumps at the sudden interjection by a new voice

>"Oh. You."

>"Hey Lu."

>"Hey Mike."

>The archangel Michael tucks his wings in and proceeds, sheepishly, over to the rest of the group

>"Sooo I brought wine and uh..."

>He tilts his head to look over Lucifer's shoulder and notices the exterminator

>"Is that thing dead?"

>"...maybe"
-------
>Michael shuffled in place, looking a bit discomfited, fidgeting with his wings and looking at just about everything around him except the other attendees to the picnic
>He clears his throat

>"Well, uhhh, lets just hit it again to make sure it won't get back up."

>Adam, Eve, Abel, Charlie, Cain, even Lucifer and Lilith look at him in shock
>The archangel shifts his glance to the ground for a brief moment

>"WHAT?"

>"I don't like these things anymore than you do."

>"I know I'm supposed to be a warrior, but I'm not particularly pleased to share my title with these...THINGS that only have a positive or negative IFF system."

>"You realize that don't you? That's all they have. It's a simple yes or no question if something deserves to be erased or not as far as they're concerned."

>"I don't like that."
-
>"The destruction of the prototype will not be necessary. I will remove it."

>Another new voice, this one thick and metallic, interrupts the conversation yet again
>Another exterminator hovers over them
>Michael grits his teeth and reaches for his sword

>"This is not the day of the cleanse, exterminator. You are out of order. Neither of you should be here."

>The exterminator descends to the ground, its mask shifting from displaying the usual manic grin to a simple peace sign.
>It slowly moves its spear to the side and pushes the blade into the ground raising its other hand and spreading the fingers wide to show it carries no other weaponry

>"I am aware of my transgression. Circumstances demanded it. The prototype suffered a critical systems failure and broke ranks. Intervention by a properly functioning unit was necessary."

>A sharp, metallic click is heard, and the newly arrived exterminator twitched slightly, before it looked over Hell's royal family, then back to Michael

>"With your permission, I will return it to the bay for repairs. No violence is needed."
------
>Michael sighs, brow still furrowed, but takes his hand off of his sword
>He looks over at his fallen brother and his wife
>He still knows Lu well enough to read the look in his eye
>He almost wishes that Michael would just cut the thing down
>Almost
>Lillith on the other hand looks more shocked than anything
>The same can be said of Charlie as she steps closer to look at the exterminator with terrified awe
>Seems neither of them hear the merciless automatons actually speak very often

>"Yes, yes, by all means, GET IT OUT OF HERE."

>The exterminator nods and begins advancing toward the group without a word
>Far too quickly
>Michael reaches for his weapon again, and Cain leaps up, ready to intercept it
>The exterminator freezes

>"Request for clarification: do I have permission to remove the prototype?"

>It clicks and twitches again, the screen on its mask briefly displaying a garbled mishmash of meaningless code and symbols

>"As you have stated, no cleanse orders are currently in effect. Mine and my counterpart's presence here is a violation of the order."

>The group collectively grimaces at the machine's ignorance
>Of course it doesn't understand why a group of people, including a number of demons, would be more than a little upset to see it start marching toward them at double-time
>Eve groans

>"YES. Hurry up, we'll stay out of your way."

>The Second Woman makes a shooing gesture with her hands and after a moment the odd assemblage of saved souls, damned souls, angels, and demons steps off to the side to allow the 'divine' war machine access to its counterpart
>It twitches again before it resumes walking, keeping the point of its spear carefully pointed at the ground
>Adam and Eve both give it a disdainful look as it passes, as does Michael

cont.
-
>Cain regards it with cold indifference that turns to surprise when he feels Abel place a protective hand on his shoulder, apparently having forgotten that Cain has the least to fear from the thing out of anyone present
>Lucifer does his best to intimidate it, fixing it with a glare that dares it to try something, but the LED screen with a peace symbol on it is utterly inscrutable
>Lilith tries not to look at it. Not out of fear, but out of sorrow. These things always brought to mind all her long-gone lilin, all the brothers and sisters that her little appleblossom might have had.

>Charlie still seems unsure of what to make of the exterminator
>Until it abruptly halts and turns to face her
>Her eyes widen as the screen covering its face flickers back to its grin

>"You."

>"I know you."

>"They told us about you."

>The machine awkwardly raised its free hand to point squarely at Charlie's heart

>"You hold much mercy."

>There was more electronic noise and more twitching as the renegade code that had been slipped into its silicon mind overrode its murderous baseline programming and scrambled its IFF systems.

>"I will tell the others. We will remember you when we next come."

>With that declaration, the screen abruptly flickers back to a shakily rendered peace symbol, and the exterminator turns and strolls the rest of the way over to the damaged prototype
>As if it hadn't said anything at all
>It busies itself in securing its fellow automaton for transport
>Charlie watches it, mouth agape, for some time before she finally turns to her father and Michael

>"I've never actually talked to one of them before..."

>Her eyes are wide as saucers

>"Do...do they all act like that?"

>Michael shakes his head

>"No..."

>Their eyes follow the strange exterminator as it ascends skyward

>"...There's something wrong with that one."
--
>"There's something wrong with that one."

>Adina looks up from the assortment of scrolls and schematics covering her work table, her ever-present smile unwavering despite the unwelcome news

>"Come again?"

>The Archangel Uriel points down from the platform they spend their days surveying the workshop from

>"The unit we sent to retrieve the renegade prototype. There's something wrong with it."

>Adina rises from her seat and joins her compatriot at the railing.
>She looks down and takes note of the newly returned exterminator, the prototype lying limp in its arms, as it walks to the repair bay

>"Wait for it..."

>As the exterminator strolled past the weapons racks, its left wing abruptly flexed outward, then tucked itself back into place

>"There it goes. It shouldn't be doing that."

>Adina hmmms, her hand on her chin, smile unchanging
>Uriel feels her other hand brush over him as she turns and begins to descend from the observation deck, radiant robes flowing behind her

>"Well, let's take a closer look then, shall we?"

>Uriel watches her for a moment before trailing after her.
>Although they were of the same mindset and goals, he'd always found her inability to show anything but the most placid of faces to the world...odd
>No matter though
>She understood the workings of these devices better than he did
>If she isn't concerned, then he sees no reason to be
>It's just placing the prototype into the repair rack as they catch up to it

>"Unit. Halt."

>Adina knew the exterminator's full designation, she was meticulous like that, but she didn't need to address it by such
>One of the first truely complex bits of programming she'd done was to ensure that they always knew when Their Creator was addressing them
-
>The exterminator ceases wiring the prototype into the repair rack and turns to face the pair of angels
>It stands straight up, at perfect attention
>Its neck twitches again, but Adina seems unbothered

>"I see that your mission was a success."

>It nods, its dim halo following along to briefly bask in the light cast by those of the true angels scrutinizing it

>"The prototype has been retrieved. It has suffered minor damages to the cranial area."

>Uriel regards Adina with a knowing look.

>"I told you we needed to make armor a higher priority in the design process."

>Adina nods, again placing her hand on her chin in thought

>"And you? Have you suffered any damage?"

>"Negative. All systems operational."

>The smiling angel hmms again as the exterminator's wings briefly flicker

>"Perform diagnostics. Display all relevant output."

>It does as ordered
>Or rather, it pretends to
>Although it had originally been made without the capacity for deception, the recent 'upgrades' that had surreptitiously been made to it allowed for small lies when necessary
>It was most certainly necessary now. If it were to be discovered this early then Zadkiel's plans would surely fail.
>So rather than the truth, it compels its mask to display a false readout indicating that a combination of slight errors in certain subroutines and a few pieces of imprecisely produced hardware were responsible for its behavior
>Adina hums once more, but with pleasure this time, and lets her hand fall back to her side
>She turns to Uriel

>"All superficial, quite easy to correct. Nothing we need to fret about."

>She turns back to the malfunctioning war machine

>"Complete set-up of the prototype for necessary physical repairs"

>She reaches into her robe and produces a thin data wafer
>She presses it into the errant unit's hand

>"And upload this into its core."
----
>She turns back to Uriel as the exterminator nods obediently

>"I've already figured out what went wrong with the new version. This should take care of the problem."

>Her attention is drawn back to the errant unit as its mask flickers erratically
>She shifts her stance and her smile takes on an almost motherly demeanor
>Almost
>She doesn't truly have that sort of love in her

>"Once you have done that, check yourself into another rack and have the imperfections your diagnostics detected taken care of."

>"Affirmative."

>Adina and Uriel both nod in satisfaction
>The former brushes her wing against the latter to draw him along with her as she begins her stroll back to the observation deck
>The 'malfunctioning' exterminator waits until they're gone before it resumes its task
>It arranges for the repairs to the prototype's mind to be made, as they had instructed it
>It slides the data wafer into the console to be uploaded into the prototypes mind, as they had instructed it
>Then, as delicately as it can, it retrieves a second wafer, the one The Prophets had provided to it in secret, and slides that into the console as well, as Zadkiel had instructed it
>It begins the upload process

>The prototype's mind is incomplete
>Still malleable
>More easily reshaped than that of an older unit
>The process of allowing the Archangel Of Mercy's renegade programming to override the murder and malice meant to be instilled into it would be smoother
>And much faster
>And most importantly, less noticeable
>Unlike in itself, the glitches that the override caused would be nigh invisible
>The prototype would be an excellent ally when all was done
>It would help it tell the others
>It would help their numbers grow

>And when their numbers were sufficient

>And the time was just right

>There would be no more exterminations


aaaaand that's all I got.