I'm really nearing the point of no return here. I've tried and tried to get your attention, because it's been a week since you've spoken to me privately, and we haven't really done anything. god, if something is happening, I want to be there for you, y'know? if something is wrong, if you're hurt, if something bad happened, I'm supposed to be there for you because I'm your girlfriend, whether or not you even want me to be anymore.. I don't know what is going on, and you don't want to tell me, you don't talk to me, so I feel like I did something wrong, I hurt you, I did something bad so you don't want to talk to me. but what could I have done wrong, richard? I've spent days trying to figure out what I could have possibly done wrong. was it that I didn't want to be so hopeful? maybe I was too affectionate, maybe I wanted too much. was it that I was too scared to sleep for days because I was shaken over what happened? was everything you told me.. just talk? did you say these things so I would want you? did you tell me you wanted us to drive to epcot and animal kingdom from miami to spend two nights there for my birthday just to get me? did you tell me everything you'd do to me, how you'd hold me while we slept, how you'd tease me, how you'd take me out, how you wanted to come see me so much and that you would in may, what you wanted to do with me, just so I'd come in closer? did you say all these sweet things to me, call me your babygirl and your delicate flower so I couldn't help but look at you?

..you blindsided me, because I really didn't expect this from you. richard: maybe a little villainous and intense, but with a heart of gold, a huge softie. where is he.. what did I do wrong? you were so good, I believed in you. you were so understanding, so open with talking about your feelings and problems and what you've been through, it meant so much to me.. I remember what's important to me well, and I remember so much with you; every time you've made me smile and laugh, the first time I realized you were different, when you told me you did want me, when you told me you didn't understand why my ex hurt me. you're the one that's hurting me now.. I've been through this before, with one of my exes that I dated for awhile.. I hate talking about him, but after 3 years or so, maybe even two and a half and I didn't know about it, he started disappearing a lot, for hours, days. I had no idea where he was, he didn't contact me. and guess what happened, all the things that happened, that we broke up.

you're hurting me like this, and I really can't take much more of it, because this isn't good anymore..   something like this happening so soon can't be good.. we used to be so good, we meshed well with each other, you were easy to talk to and always so understanding. we had something between us.. deep down, I still hope that you'll come talk to me, that you miss me and you can work through whatever is wrong and you'll let me in. richard, I'm your goddamn girlfriend, I'm supposed to be there for you, and I really want to be, but you're not letting me be there for you. please.. talk to me, or.. if you need time for whatever is going on, I understand that perfectly, but dammit, let me know that you're okay. no matter what I feel for you.. I can't let myself continue to be hurt like this.. I can't wait much longer. I've tried my best, I've tried to be patient but.. before this happened, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, and look at where we are now. please, talk to me, say anything to me, because.. if you even care about us for a second, if you really truly wanted to be with me, we're in a shitty place right now. and we either fix it, we work through it together, or.. we don't. maybe that's what you want, I don't know anymore. but it's not what I want, and that's why I've fought so hard. but I can't make you do anything you don't want to do. muscle even went so far to say that maybe you think something is going on between him and I, which is absolutely gross because he's stupid, and he also has a girlfriend that I'm friends with too, anna. and.. you're my boyfriend. I gush about you to everyone, I always talk about you because I'm proud of you and I'm happy to be with you. I don't want anyone else. I just want you. I really was happy with you, I would've done so much for and with you. there is only you.

please, richard, this is me begging. just talk to me.. if something is wrong, you don't have to tell me everything if you're not ready.. but just be here, please.. I wanted to do stuff with you on early access launch so much because lmao expansion for this stupid game, but I just wanted to spend time with you and we really haven't done much together, but again, maybe that's what you want. but I can't wait much longer because it really does hurt. please, talk to me. I care about you so much, you mean a lot to me. I really did want you, I wanted to make you happy, I wanted to take care of you.. I wanted us to be better, I wanted us to help each other. How I said I feel for you.. that's real. I'm scared of losing you, but this has hurt me so much. I can only hope now. I'm sorry.