Time for me to go away

As I wait for my flight Court, I just thought I'd write something up for you while waiting so here it goes. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough. I'm sorry I messed up. I'm just so sorry. I've worked so hard these past lonely months to become a more mature attractive and hardworking man. I've achieved so much but always with every achievement comes that feeling deep inside. I always knew I wanted love, like most people,  but it actually wasn't love. It's you. I want Courtney. I want to be with Courtney. For a college dropout I've becone very successful. I made something of myself for the girl of my dreams. But it was much too late. I've driven across the country twice once there and once back and I've flown there twice now. For everything I'm sorry. I don't want to make you feel bad. I don't want to hurt you. I was afraid this was happening. You always talked about how you thought you were wasting your life but I was saying you were tricking yourself Courtney. I just needed to get my shit together. I'm so sorry. I was too late. You watched other people smoke weed and get boyfriends and move in and get pregnant and get married. I wanted it too Court. I really wanted it so badly. Not just with anyone so I can say I did it though... I wanted it with you, my love. And every day and night I pray that I can go back to the night we met and I can do this fucking right and not ruin the beautiful love we created. These memories. This love. Just can't be forgotten. I won't let it die. You saved my life. You made me so so so happy Courtney. I won't give up. And every time I told you I wanted to stop messaging you, I meant it. I wanna move on. I wanna leave you alone. But my heart cries for you like a baby for his mother. You are a piece of me I just can't remove without dying inside. I hope I'm still in your thoughts. I hope you never forget me. And I hope you remember I'll always be here for you. Loving you. Cheering for you. Rooting for you. Because I love you in the most honest genuine way. I'll never love someone this much again and that's very unfortunate but we were perfect for each other. My flight leaves soon. Haven't slept in days. I threw my computer out. Working fulltime now and looking to join the army next year. Just please. You don't ever have to say it out loud. But once in your mind can you say I love you too. I know I'll feel it. I just love you more than anyone ever could. And its not due to obsession or anything. I really just love you like a husband loves his wife. Have a goodnight sweetheart. Be safe in this world. I always wanted to protect you and keep you away from the bad, but I can't. I can't force you to be with me. I can't. I've been hanging on a ledge grabbing your leg for months but its time to let go. Promise me in your heart you'll look over our memories from time to time. Hug teddy tight. Look at your memory box. Listen to our songs. Remember our moments. Remember our old conversations. Remember me. I know I'm the one hurting. But even if we never talk again if I knew you remembered me forever I would die a happy man. I miss you and Love you so much Courtnoyy Minoyy we were like 2 peas in a pod. And we will zenp eachother forever. This is a promise not another claim. You won't hear from me again unless you want to. You have this number to contact me. You have my email discord skype text facebook twitter everything. You have all my passwords. Contact me if you need me. I'll be there the moment you need me just like I have been. Lots of love, your (ex) husband. your (ex) boyfriend. your best friend. your Nawooby. Don't forget all that we've built. We weren't like the others. We were always different.    💍👰❤👳