EARLY EXPERIMENT: GENERAL SURVEY

EARLY EXPERIMENT: GENERAL SURVEY

>>At hour 0000, crate containing 4 fluffy ponies is placed in an empty room by an attendant wearing full body biohazard suit
>>1 pegasi, 1 unicorn, 2 earth ponies
>>The fluffies cower in fear, huddling away from the attendant
>>"No wike mask! Scawy! Where yoo? No wike!"
>>The attendant leaves, and the chamber is sealed.
>>The crate is not deeply recessed. Tentatively, the fluffies climb out.
>>"Hewoo? Where yoo? Wan pway!"
>>The room is completely empty. Subjects are observed milling around aimlessly. They begin to complain.
>>"Bored! Wan pway!" "Fwuffy tummy feel bad! Fwuffy hungwy!"
>>Fluffies defecate haphazardly around the room
>>Areas that "no smell pwetty" are avoided
>>Trial 1 is initiated at hour 0002. Fluffy ponies have grown restless in the intermediary, crying out for food and human contact.
>>A tray of spaghetti is inserted into the chamber on a platform 2 meters off of the ground
>>Fluffy ponies immediately identify the substance. "Sketti! Where sketti?"
>>It takes several minutes for them to realize where it is.
>>The cannot reach the food. The pegasus subject attempts to fly but cannot lift itself more than a few inches off the ground.
>>"Pwese bwing sketti down! Fwuffie wan sketti!"
>>Hours 0002 through 0006 are spent crying out for spaghetti
>>This behavior does not end until the tray is removed from the chamber
>>Hours 0006 through 0007 are spent questioning the disappearance of the spaghetti and begging for its return

>>At hour 0009, the ponies have thoroughly explored the featureless chamber
>>1 earth pony begins exhibiting signs of claustrophobia as it begins to pace around the room
>>"Pwese, wan out! Fwuffy hungwy! Fwuffy scawed!"
>>Other subjects attempt to calm the panicking pony with hugs, to no avail
>>The earth pony runs frantically from wall to wall, looking for a way out
>>This behavior transfers to the rest
>>All four ponies begin to panic
>>"Wan out! Wan out! Wet fwuffy out! No wike woom!"
>>Unicorn subject attempts to blast a hole in the wall, conducting small sparks of electricity through horn
>>Biomechanics of magical function not currently understood; will be tested in future experiment
>>By hour 0010, ponies have tired themselves out
>>All subjects huddle together inside the crate and fall asleep
>>Trial 2 initiated

>>All lights deactivated
>>A prerecorded sound (Loud Banging #5) is played inside the chamber
>>Ponies wake up, screaming
>>"Hwep, hwep! Munstah! No huwt fwuffie!"
>>"Why dawk? No wike! Pwese, where wight?"
>>Banging noises continue at irregular intervals of seconds or minutes
>>Fluffy ponies cower in their crate, jumping at each new sound
>>Subjects do not understand, continually beg for light and for the sound to go away
>>At hour 0011, the tray of spaghetti is reinserted into the chamber, now at ground level
>>As before, the ponies immediately detect its presence
>>Despite their fear, the subjects become excited
>>"Sketti?" "Fwuffie smew sketti!"
>>With no light, they cannot see it
>>A loud bang sets them to screaming once more
>>"Pwese! No more! No wike woud sound! Jus wan sketti!"
>>Banging cessates; spaghetti remains in chamber
>>The unicorn is the first to suggest leaving the crate. "Is safe now! Munsta gone! We get sketti!
>>"But is dawk! Fwuffy scawed!"
>>Ponies stand frozen, unsure of what to do
>>After 30 minutes, subjects attempt to climb out of crate
>>Banging sound is played again
>>Ponies scream and immediately collapse back into the crate and huddle together
>>Both earth ponies defecate
>>Sound stops
>>Subjects spend the next hour and a half sobbing, lamenting the darkness, crying out in hunger, begging for spaghetti, and decrying the crate for "not smelling pwetty"
>>Hugs are employed as a stopgap measure

>>At hour 0013, ponies again attempt to leave the crate
>>"Fwuffy hungry! Wan sketti!"
>>"Munsta gone naow! We get sketti! "
>>Subjects file out of the crate and attempt to locate the spaghetti
>>In the darkness, they cannot locate the food
>>They wander around, bumping into walls and one another
>>"Owwies! No huwt fwuffie!" "Sorrie! Give hugsies!"
>>After a few minutes of wandering, the ponies are isolated from one another in the dark
>>Loud Banging #5 initiated
>>All four subjects are thrown into a panic
>>"Pwese no huwt fwuffie! Pwese no huwt! Fwuffie be good!"
>>The two earth ponies run wildly around the room
>>Pegasus flies repeatedly into a wall, trying to escape
>>Unicorn blasts the darkness with small sparks of electricity
>>All of the subjects, including the unicorn, are instinctively drawn to the "wight"
>>The four ponies grope for the source
>>They encounter one another in the darkness and are immediately repulsed
>>"Hwep! Hwep! Munstah! No huwt!"
>>Still more defecation ensues as subjects flee in all directions
>>Feces from pegasus subject contaminate nearby tray of spaghetti
>>Spaghetti retracted; back-up spaghetti deployed

>>By hour 0014, all four ponies are still separated. Each huddles in a corner of the chamber, covering its eyes.
>>They call out to one another repeatedly, but all are too frightened to move
>>They still do not understand the darkness, and continually ask that the lights be turned back on
>>No noises have been played; both they and the spaghetti have been forgotten
>>"Pwese, where fwuffy? Where wight! Fwuffy scawed! Pwese, jus wan hugsies! Wight pwese!"
>>At hour 0015, lights are reactivated. Subjects are temporarily blinded
>>"Owies! Wight huwt fwuffie!"
>>Once their eyes adjust, the ponies finally see one another
>>"Fwuffy back! Fwens back! Hugsies, pwese! Wan hugsies!""
>>The four collide in the center of the room in a sobbing pile
>>"Wuv 'oo! Wuv 'oo!"
>>Spaghetti detected
>>"Sketti! There sketti!" "Where sketti come from?" "Wan sketti!"
>>The ponies gather around the tray and begin to eat

>>Back-up spaghetti retracted
>>"Hey! Bwing back sketti, pwese!" "Fwuffy hungry! Pwese give sketti! Fwuffy tummy huwt!"
>>Trial 3 initiated
>>A single portion of spaghetti is inserted into the chamber
>>Only enough for one pony
>>Oblivious, the four climb over each other to immediately devour the tray's contents
>>"Still hungwy!" "Pwese, more sketti!"
>>Empty tray retracted
>>Subjects spend hours 0016 through 0018 complaining about hunger and thirst, and begging for more spaghetti
>>Now very tired, subjects begin retiring once more to the crate
>>First the unicorn, then the two earth ponies, and finally the Pegasus
>>Each discovers that the crate still does not “smell pwetty”
>>The subjects collapse next to it instead
>>All continue to beg until exhaustion overtakes them

End of Day 1