Lonely at the Top

The sun pounded down on you, the sky was a clear blue. Blue like her eyes, the eyes that were filled with a raging storm of emotions. “I know you love me Sayori! I love you too! Ahaha.” Perhaps saying that hadn’t been the best idea, she was too wound up to think properly. Maybe you had betrayed her, or someone else in saying so, by giving them false hope.

The kiss had come as a total shock What had shocked you the most was the passion and force, like a wild animal out of a trap. “Oh, what the hell Sayori? Not like that, I meant as brother and sister! Fuck!” You spluttered, only to look back and see eyes hurt and downcast.
“…I’m sorry.” She hesitated. “Maybe it would be better if I went away.” You suddenly remembered that she was depressed or something, depressed people talked like that before they offed themselves, yeah?

“No, it was just a mistake. It was very sweet of you, I guess, but no. You know how I feel about you, and how I feel about my crush. Let’s go inside, not make a scene out here.” She shot daggers at a passing cloud that vaguely resembled Monika but followed you through the door to your living room.

When you were inside, she collapsed on the couch, despondent. You sat in the recliner opposite her. “…What does she have that I don’t Anon? How could you love her, and not love me? Is it because she’s got a nicer body than me? Why don’t you like me Anon?” Tears welled up in her eyes.

“You are too close to me, it seems… a betrayal of my feelings towards you.” She was about to speak up, but you cut her off. “I know that you… like me like that, but I don’t. I could try to date you, but I think it’d be lying to myself. Just being with you because you asked… It would be selfish to lead you astray because I love you too much to hurt you.”

“I…oh. You have a point. We never would have made it work, huh? Ehehe, another reason I am so useless.” She spat bitterly. “You aren’t useless, you are a fine young girl, just not my girl. I don’t know how to deal with your… depression. I don’t. I can guess, and we here at the club will help you anyway that we can, but if you are unwilling to help yourself, you will never move from that couch, Sayori. I don’t want to see you waste away.”

She sighed deeply. Speaking up, “I see why she likes you so much. You are both oblivious and considerate, you are an absolute blockhead, but still very sweet.” Seeing your dumbfounded expression, she resumed. “Ohh, uh. Monika likes you back, after I told her more about you. That you were as lonely as she was.”

“I-I’m not lonely, I just have no friends because I was too good for ‘em! Yeah…” She stares at you half lidded. She was a totally different person now. Maybe it was just her mood, or worse, that the happy Sayori would never return. “I’m glad you’ve come so far, by the way. Those years with the emotion cards may have gone to waste, but I got very good at analyzing other’s emotions. Funny, since I can’t control my own. … But what do you see in her, Anon? I want to, I need to help you with this. Even after what she said to me…”

You pondered for a moment. “I don’t really know. I sense something from her, that she liked me, but I wasn’t sure if she was just being friendly or not. I think she is beautiful, but I really like how she can bring us all together, run the show, even if she’s not perfect, she’s always trying. She’s got that damn smirk. I think I see what you mean though. Every so often, she says something with such truth and power, it shows as… a hole. In her eyes, I can see the hole in her heart. I have no idea what caused it, you say loneliness, I dunno. There is something more to her, I cannot say what it is.

I just don’t see why she would like me, at all. I’m … pretty lame. I just play bad video games and watch bad anime. I haven’t felt proud about a single poem I have made for you girls. Not one. I have no redeeming qualities whatsoever, do I? I don’t eat right, sometimes I don’t brush my teeth, If I ever go outside beyond school I can barely dress myself… I see what you mean, how I am lonely. I just have no place in this world, nowhere I can- Ow fuck why?”

The red handprint still stung, Sayori almost buzzing like a wasp. “That’s why she likes you! You don’t hide anything, you simply are! You are the pure waifu of your own anime, you dunderhead! I never want you to say that again. I won’t stand to see you depressed like me. This” She gesticulates wildly “is you. This unshakeable rock is you, that I have based my entire life on! Your sheer autism and deep insight has left you an emotional cripple, but that’s why we all like you.”

She was silent for a while, but continued. “We all admire your unflinching confidence. They don’t know its because you simply don’t know any better than to not walk up and ask people for their numbers, or back when we were kids, to panhandle for quarters for the arcade machine. You were busy protecting me, and I was protecting you, and you never knew it until now. Even now, you need that protection. I-I thought I could provide it. Seems not. This must be how mother birds feel, right? To see their babies grow up? Eh, eh he he.” She fell back down on the couch.

“…I had forgotten about that, begging for quarters.” Sayori glared at you, but started to laugh. “Oh, never change Anon. That’s the best thing you could do for me, never change. I know you understood exactly what I meant. That’s- that’s enough for me. I feel much better. Maybe Monika will make a man out of you. I hinted at what you wanted to do to her~”
“Goddamn it Sayori, what I text you is private! This is too embarrassing…”

“You will just have to see her reaction to your ideas on love. Though if you actually end up with a kid by this time next year, I think I’m going to jump out a window. You can’t start a family this young, Anon. Wait till after college, for me?” She pleaded.
“Only if you become Aunt Sayori and we hear no more of this depressed talk, alright?”

“Yeah. I’ll be the fun aunt who takes you to Disney World!”

You had achieved Peace in Our Time, Sayori should be good for a while, and you had learned that Monika was interested in you too. There were other avenues to pursue, clearly the other members had deep issues if they thought you were boyfriend material at any level.  You still had that meeting with Yuri, and would have to play it by ear. These girls wouldn’t be left broken for long, not if you all worked together. Sayori only knew half of it, but more into your actual personality than you would have liked.

Maybe she had a point, you really were lonely to be plotting to yourself about how to make everyone but yourself happy. And had been playing entirely too many games of Crusader Kings 2. Maybe Monika would make your life better? Maybe that’s the Power of Love, it’s a curious thing.

Fucking autism and music.

It was really lonely at the top.