eryn alt spark story

Maybe I should have known better. But I couldn't help it. She made my heart flutter like nothing else.

I was lost in the shimmer of her hair, the color of her eyes. They way her body moved when she walked. She was an angel, trapped in the ring along with me. I trusted her with everything, showed her the garden I'd hidden on the roof from the seeds I'd caught drifting by. I never noticed her looking away when I'd speak to her, words that'd waited days to escape pouring from my mouth. I didn't even care that she wouldn't touch me. Just brushing my hand made everything feel like it was right for once.

It was only a few days. Can you imagine that? How ridiculous and short-sighted I was, to think that any of it meant something.

She asked me to meet her on the roof after school one day. I thought it was just going to be the two of us. And I wanted to surprise her.

I went up to meet her with a seed in my hand. It took all night, but I'd finally learned how to make it grow without dirt and water. I'd hold it out and in a few seconds, it would bloom. I guess at the time it seemed romantic.

I climbed the ladder to the sound of stifled giggles. Several of them. She wasn't the only one there. So were her friends.

They all stared at me, asking what I was doing up there with a sickening tone to their voices. I didn't know what to say, looking over at my friend for some kind of answer. Her face looked the same as the others. And, suddenly, I wondered why I'd ever thought it was beautiful.

They goaded and prodded at me, trying to get me to spill why I'd intruded on them, and I stammered, unable to find the words. It was a trap, I knew that much. At any other time, I would have told them off and stormed away. I'd taken enough bruises from these girls to not care about the consequences But now... the seed fell out of my hand, rolled into a crack on the corrugated floor. I had nothing, my stomach torn out, grasping at words and feelings that wouldn't come.

They finally let me escape, and the moment I vanished down the ladder, their voices and laughter grew louder. I made the mistake of staying just out of their view, hearing the names they called me. That voice I thought a few days ago was the most beautiful sound tore down everything I'd told and shown her. It took me a bit to tear myself away, but I didn't even care about seeing what they would do next. All I wanted was to escape. Go somewhere and not exist for a while.

I went back up onto the roof that night.

Some of my plants were destroyed, stalks snapped and pots tipped over. Not everything, but more than enough to send a message. I wasnt welcome. I was an other, and I had to know my place; as something for the others to mock so that they could feel better about themselves.

I wanted so badly to be angry. I wanted to march to that bitch's door, knock on it, and take her down. Or, at the least, I wanted the expanse of stars above or the hum of mana from the ring to put me at ease.

Neither was an option. Not when I felt so empty. Not when some darkness was creeping into my thoughts.

There was no place for someone like me here. No one could be trusted with my secrets, my loves. The only priority that society had was the war that raged over those wide plains, so no one like me would be nurtured and encouraged. And within the ring, word would travel fast. All because I'd made the unforgivable mistake of assuming someone would genuinely like me.

All I could see was a life of being surrounded by people who despised everything I was with no chance of escape. How much of myself would I have to hide? How much of my being would I have to carve out to fit in? Would there be anything left? The idea of being resigned to the job of a ringmage or a healer, by the side of a man I felt nothing for made my stomach coil into knots.

Another idea. Horrible. Freeing.

Maybe having no life at all would be better.

It'd be easy. No one would know. No one would miss me.

I stood up and walked to the edge, and like a flash of light something else hit me. An overwhelming anger. Not at them, not at the ring, but at myself.

What the hell was I thinking? Giving up? Now? After one setback? What was wrong with me? I should be stronger than this. I *am* stronger than this.

I refuse. I'm not going to let myself end this way.

I took a deep breath, and stepped down from the ledge, knowing that I was returning to a life that would have no place for someone like me. Made that commitment to face whatever would come next. My heart ached, but the feeling kept swelling, turning into a burning in my chest, like someone lit a fire in my heart.

My foot didn't touch steel, but landed against nothing. I stumbled, flailing, and fell facefirst into cool, tall grass.

I looked up, and found that the spark in my heart had taken me exactly where I wanted to be.