Thread 24: Stories 16-30

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>Suckerpunch
"'-~Various Guards~-'"

>Okay, one more time...left right left right, dodge, UPPERCUT! Yeah, that'll get her!

"Yeah, that'll get her on your dick."

>Yeah-wait what?

"Dude, I've known from people into kinky shit, but a fight fetish? You're crazy."

>It's not a fetish! It's my one goal in life!

'Yeah, to nail the crazy fight-freak on the OTHER side.'

"Couldn't that apply to 42 too?"

-Nah, man, 42's HOBBY is fighting, she doesn't get off on it...maybe.-

>WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?

-About how you two wanna headbutt while rutting in the bushes, keep up.-

>WE DO NOT WANNA HEADBUTT WHILE WE'RE RUTTING IN THE-OH FUCK OFF!

~Well, it's either you wanna fuck her or you seriously cannot beat one single fucking changeling.~

-And she can't beat you.-

'And that's pathetic.'

"So we're giving you the benefit of the doubt."

>By saying I wanna-gahhh...okay, so you guys think you can beat her?

"'-~Yeah.~-'"

>So...by the transistor property-

"Transitive."

>Shut up. By the whatever, if you can beat me, you can beat her right?

'Yeahhh?'

Suckerpunch calmly walks to the door.

>Gauntlet style, sparring yard, one hour. Be there or be...whatever.

He leaves.

'Huh...so he's fighting for her honor?'

-In a twisted way, kind of.-

~How noble.~

"...I still say he totally he wants to fuck her, though."

'Oh yeah, no, he wants that ass.'
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Non-canon
~~~
"Changeling Research Log Entry two sixteen gamma. I thought I would have been canning direct research on changelings, but the subject in particular; Arana, an Arachnid changeling, was eager to volunteer and Chrysalis insisted I try to find 'a chink in her armor of horror' as well. After a full physical examination, some questions, and various samples taken, I can conclude a few fascinating things:

She is, for the most part, a normal changeling. Her arachnid features were all induced through magic, though this has created potential complications of their own. Her DNA shows signs of risk for neurological degeneration and high chances of neurochemical imbalance. This all seems to be a side effect of forcing the body to grow random new parts, which will mean I will be looking in to make sure I and my friends ascensions to alicorndom do not carry the same risks.

This may ultimately give a full understanding as to the fall of her own hive and the descent into madness with Sciderella herself. The poor, mighty queen laid low by basic biology.

Still, that she has yet to suffer from anything after this long suggests we would only worry about this in the event Arana decided to have children of her own, even then the mutations may not even be inheritable. Finally, in the event it does show signs of effecting her, a simple cybernetic spinal implant and some basic anti-psychotropics should help her well enough. I suppose those cyberspines are one silver lining that came from my cruelty towards Flash."

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>SA
"Sombra"
'Pinkie Pie'

~~~~~

>Pinkie... What is that?

'That's a Train Shiny. Ponies use them to go chugga chugga all around Equestria.'

"There is a train here?"

'Well duh, how else do you think we transport all the stones we grow around?'

>... There is a train here...

"Where does it go too?"

'Manehatten, I was actually wondering why we were going the long way when we could have just get on the train when we ended up there by accident.'

>... There was a Train...

"It would appear so."

>...I think... I think I'm going to reserve 10 or 20 minutes in the crying corner when we get to Canterlot.

"I would not hold it against you if you did."

>I just... there was a train Sombra.

"Yep, and its the newest model too! We can get to Manehatten in about in three or four hours!

"..."

>... Make that a solid 30.
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>Spike
“Celestia”
'Poindexter'
[Chrysalis]
{Cadence}
-18-
~42~
~~~~~~

>Wow, okay, this feels weird.

“Something wrong?”

>It's just weird.

'He means no Shining Armor.'

[Thank goodness.]

'WHOA, WHAT!?'

[I'm just saying, it's really hard to resist seducing his character when he's around. My lack of progress can be directly attributed to him.]

{Or your own lack of self control.}

[I stand by my original statement.]

-And we all consider it bullshit, just so you know.-

~I'm just happy to be back.~

[Well, maybe if you'd stop losing your mind because you keep flashing back to when Shiny's character did you up the a-]

~M-MAJESTY! Please, that has nothing to do with any of this, I assure you!~

-And we all believe you, really.-

>Alright, you guys find yourselves in the Dianamata Kingdom, standing before the prince of this land. He has a very special request for you, he needs you to slay a giant-

[Hold up, that's the prince, right?]

>Yes, Chrysalis, that's him.

[...Use advanced seduction on the prince.]

-No way! I use my enchantment stealer on it!-

“Hah! You poor thing, showing your hoof so early. I use my own rebinding weave to steal that enchantment.”

-WHAT!?-

“It's not a real pony this time! She won't care!”

'What?'

“NEVER YOU MIND!”

~I will not stand for my friend and majesty being blocked like that! Starlight Runes go!~

{Hey! This... wow, you all trying to get with him is really, really bothering me for some reason. I want to stop you all... I cast Enchantment Breakers!}

-I don't know why, but that is really pissing me off!-

[How dare you block my enchantment! I can out roll you for that, my will stat is higher than yours!]

“Mine as well! Did you really think I would go down that easily!?”

-Mine may not be higher, but one quick brainpotion and I've got this!-

~You will not keep me from him!~

{YES I WILL!}

[A BATTLE, THEN!]

-Everyone gang up on Cadence!-

{BETRAYAL!}

“You knew this day would come. ATTACK!”

{HAH! My Many Seeing Stone gives me a massive boost whenever attacked by a crowd, and my vial of the Blood of Brothers gives me even a more massive boost when attacked by a friendly! I thought this would only be used on Chrysalis, but I'm more than happy to share the love!}

~Stand together! We can defeat her!~

[For once, I agree, TOGETHER!]

~-[“TOGETHER!”]-~

'...So, uh-'

>You know, when I asked Shiny to use his character for this, I was actually planning to, you know, spring it on them all at the end. I didn't think they would see through it this soon.

'...I don't think they did.'

{YOU BITCHES HAVE NOTHING!}

>...Huh.

'Calling it a win?'

~18! Block that shot for Celestia! Chrysalis, go with me and flank her! Celestia, get those buffs flying!~

“Just to double check, we're sharing the prince when this is all over, right?”

[You know, for once? Sure, let's share.]

-I'm good with that.-

{NONE OF YOU ARE GETTING HIM! Roll for counterattack!}

>...Yep, that's a win.

~-[{“TILL DEATH!”}]-~

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>Actarius
"Guards"
~~~~~

>FINALLY! I thought my shift would never end. I swear, some unicorn must be messing with time or something, that clock had to roll back at least twice.

"Got plans?"

>Yeah, after I go get washed up I'm meeting Jugglejack out at the park.

"So you can watch him?"

>Well, yeah? What's the point of juggling if nobody is around to watch you?

"Oh yes, it would suck if that changeling had to juggle alone."

"Indeed. Juggling by yourself is never as much fun."

"I mean, sure, you still get they physical aspect either way, but someone else being with you is a whole other level."

"Just can't compare."

"Do you ever switch?"

>...What?

"Well, he must get tired doing most of the work by himself, do you ever take over when he gets sore from all the juggling?"

>What? No. I can't juggle all that well. He let me try once, but I just ended up throwing balls everywhere.

"SNK!"

>...

"...I understand, so you just let him handle it?"

>Well, yeah. He knows what he's doing. Well, except for the hole issue, but he's working on that! He just has to catch them in the little holes that are open like across hooks, and it's way easier.

"Oh of course, got to watch out for those holes."

"Slipping in the wrong one just kills the mood."

>Naah, he recovers fast enough.

"HRK!"

>...

"...Sorry, I have major heartburn, do not go to that new taco restaurant and order the mega spicers."

>Oh? Too bad, we were going to hang out there.

"It's alright, the place next to it is better. Way more classy, you just have to make sure to get the roasted seaweed, it's amazing."

>Hey, thanks!

"Anytime."

>Well, I've got to get going. See you guys tomorrow!

"See you."

"..."

"..."

""""""PFFFFTTAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"""""""

"S-SWEET CELESTIAAAAAA!"

"O-oh dear Faust!"

"Oh man... so, we get confirmation?"

"Well, at least we know who tops in the relationship."

"Ahhh... classic."
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>Royal Guard
"Nightguard"
'Crystal Guard'
[???]
{???}
~~~~~~

>Fellow musketeers, we face a grave threat! Out ranks are one by one being seduced by the scourge of the Changeling.

"And?"

>And... THEY'RE TOPPING!

"'GASP!"'

'NO!

"Over the line!"

>Right? If Prince Shining Armor wants to make that horny Queen submissive to him in bed, that's one thing, but when they take control of the relationship society is in peril! Our very foundation is in jeopardy! Soon they will be voting for mayors, going on dates, knocking up our mares! We have to put a stop to this!

'But how?'

"How else? We write! We write literature so brilliant that they can't help but see our views!"

>Give the stallion a prize, he gets it!

"I'll take a small Changeling with a collar and a need to call me "Master" if you please!"

>With this, we can inspire revolution! Gentlecolts, to the typewriters!

>"'AWAY!"'

[...So did they just not know they were doin' that in mah' office or what?]

{I think the ducked in here because they thought it was a broom closet.}

[They're kinda' creepy.]

{Could be worse. Could be actual revolutionaries like 32...}

[...]

*Shudder*
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>Chitania
"Tetranychidae"
~~~~

>WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WA- who the hell?

"Hiiii! I'm Tetranychidae, Auntie Chitania! Remember me? You pulled me out of a Chimera's mouth once!"

>....Oh sweet chitin of my mother you ascended.

"Yeeeeah, Mama Acari was so impressed with me causing TWO wars with some gryphons and Diamond dog tribes she finally felt some love in her heart, and here I aaaaaaammm!"

>I-ugh... congratulations.

"Thaaaanks!"

>So, why did you call me?

"Welll, okay, it's like this, seeeee, I jump the gun just a weeeee bit here. You know that thing I do? Disguising sticky string traps on the bottom of trees?"

>Yeah?

"WEEEEEEeeeeuuuuuhhhheeeeell, I might've made a little goofsie. Just tiny one! I might've.... might've underestimated just what my new power level was."

>...Explain...

"Okay, I put traps on... all of them."

>All of... who?

"Not who silly, what! The trees!"

>Which trees?

"..."

>...H-how many did you..

"...All of them..."

>In the forsest. All of that forest is now covered in disguised traps. The technique of which you stole from Scidere-

"DIDNOTDIDNOTDIDNOTIT'SMYTHING! This is NOT spider web! It's just sticky string!"

>...All of it is covered.

"Yyyyepers! I've lost, like a bunch of drones. Dead drones everywhere."

>But you're cleaning up the bodies, right? No trace left behind?

"...Reasons."

>That is not an answer-

"Look, if you're going to be like this, I can handle it! I'm independent!"

>Tetranychidae, what are you doing?

"HAH! Jokes on you, I made sure this stuff is flammable! All I have to do is-"

>Okay, listen to me, and listen very carefully. Do you remember your aunt, Cascoon?

"Kinda?"

>Okay, I bring her up because this is the EXACT way she died, down to the wording. This is how she met her end. This scenario played out, but you have the chance to change it, you have the chance to learn from her mistakes. Just sit tight, I will come, and we can work this out together, okay? Is that okay?

"..."

>...Tetranychidae?

"..."

>...You... you already lit it, didn't you?

"I AM INDEPENDENT!"

>....

"...How far out are you?"

>It was four hours, but I guess I'm bumping it up to one!

"Ah.... I feel mother was perhaps a touch jumpy with the ascension."

>Just a bit.

"Look, just in case you don't make it in time, I know we don't normally do the tombstone thing, but if we do, I want mine to read "Had regrets."

>If I had a bit for every Queen that applied to, I could buy Equestria.
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NON CANON
>SA
"Pinkie"
'???'
[Sombra]
~~~~~

>Of... friggen... course... train....

"Shiny, you can't keep grumbling like that! Grumbling is a sure sign you're in a grumpy mood."

>I will make you hurt.

"Awww, are you still mad about the tree thing?"

>I am mad about a lot of things, actually.

"Well, too bad! I'm here to cheer you up with-"

'Um, e-excuse me?'

"...Did you just hear something?"

>It sounded like a tiny squeak.

'I, I'm just trying to say-'

>Is there a mouse or something?

"EEK!"

>OW! Pinkie! Get off my head!

"Hey buddy, watch the horn! One wrong slip and my daddy will be SO ANGRY!"

>YOU ARE ON MY-

[Oh, hello little Changeling, I did not see you there.]

>...Oh, hey, I remember you.

'Y-you do!? Really!? I mean, I'm sure you do, because you seem smart, n-not that if you weren't smart you wouldn't know because it's my fault because Changelings all look the same but-'

"Uh, Shiny? She's... she's sinking into the floor."

>She does that. Was there something you needed?

'Well, no, I mean I don't NEED it, but I um...'

"GOSH! It's like if Fluttershy was even worse than normal!"

'I'm sorry...'

"SEE!? You know what you need? You need a PA-"

'A-actually... that was-'

"I! SAID! YOU! NEED! A! PARTY!"

'W-well, if you say so. It's just that-'

"NO BUTS! PARTYT-"

*BOOM!*

>...You were trying to tell her that her party cannon was clogged, weren't you?

'...I didn't want to be a bother.'

"*KAFF*!... N-no... problem..."

*WHUMP!*

[Is she alright?]

>...Man, I hope not.

'...'

>...What is your name, anyway?

'Oh! S-sorry, it's-'

"CUT TO BLA
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>Twilight
"???"
~~~~

It felt so weird to be staring at open books and magical markings again, but she couldn't deny it felt amazing.

>So, her ability was to extend her disguise magic outward into something other than herself. It's entirely possible this required blood or some other form of lasting contact to transfer it, as thus far their disguise magic has been completely biological... or maybe, if they could fool the spell into thinking that what she was touching WAS biological, she could change it's properties! Just as chitin becomes soft skin, she could reverse the process and-

*SHATTER!*

>MOTHERILOVEYOUEATINGTHEOUTSIDEOFTHECOOKIEBOWLATNIGHT! Sweet Celestia that HURT!

"And it's going to keep hurting!"

>CHRYSALIS YOU PUT DOWN THOSE PLATE-

*SHATTER!*

>WHY DOES THIS HURT SO MUCH!?

"Because you are stupid!"

>WHY!?

"Because the design you are currently doodling is for a machine to use that on a large scale, right?"

>Right?

"Okay, I know what you're thinking. "Being able to change unusable soil into a more fertile one/clearing away rocks that have the consistency of mashmallow is just so helpful!" right?"

>Riiight...

"Oooorrr, someone could steal what this design would one day become, make an entire MOUNTAIN of gold or explosive material, and become a rich arms dealer as they level city after city in a fit of supervillain-esq destruction!"

>...That... that is a really good point, yeah. How did you-

"It's what I wanted to do when I heard she could do that. Had big dreams of riding waves of shattered glass I made from the top of Canterlot into the city."

>Ah...

*FWOOSH!*

>Glad you stopped me...

"Damn straight."

>...So are you just going to keep chucking plates at my head?

"I have cleaned out the store on west 10th, and I will use them."

>Just to double check, are you doing this for altruistic reasons?

"...Y-... yes...."

>...You just want to chuck plates at my head, don't yo-

*SHATTER!*

>SON OF SUGAR ON RYE!

"Your fucking swear words suck."
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>Applejack
“Chrysalis”
‘???’
-???-
~~~~~

“CHAKABA-OW! DAMNDAMNDAMN!”

>Yeah, Shiny warned me ‘bout yer’ door-bustin’ ways so Ah came prepared.

“With a fucking steel frame?!”

>Did y’all need somethin’?

“Yeah… I did, before someone tried to turn me into a Chrysalis pancake! …drenched with Shiny’s syrup….”

>…

“Heavily… drenched….”

>Ah’m reachin’ for the biscuit container.

“Okay, okay, sheesh! I just had a simple question is all.”

>This is either gonna make mah head hurt or send me to the cryin’ corner.

“Not this time. I’m just curious….”

>’Bout?

“Well… let’s be real here, applehat-”

>You stupid-

“-and talk mare to mare, girl to girl. You got some bodacious hips there. You know that, right?”

>Ah… Ah don’t really look at mahself like-

“And that ass. Let’s talk about that for a second. Can we? ‘Cause I’m about to. It’s ginormous. How you fit through doors is a continuous wonder to me.”

>Thanks, because Ah’m totally not self-conscious ‘bout mah rump.

“No no, that’s not a rump. It’s transcended past that. That’s a shrine. That’s a shrine that you could charge other ponies to come and pay offerings to, to receive it’s blessing. An ass like that can be worshipped. Like mine.”

>….

“And you’re not bad looking either. Jokingly, I’d hit it. Well, you know, if I weren’t trying to get Shiny to hit me first.”

>Yup, here comes the headache….

“But I say that to ask this: why aren’t you being shoved muzzle to the dirt while some stallion attempts to make some applesauce with you, eh?”

If it weren’t for her question, Applejack felt sure she would have outright heaved at the term ‘applesauce’ and how it was used.

But she didn’t. She only opened a desk drawer and pulled out a sizable bundle of envelopes.

>Ya see these?

“Yuh-huh.”

>Notes of admiration from those stallions who’d like to make… ugh, applesauce with me.

“…damn.”

Another bundle joined the first.

“…”

Followed by another. And another.

“Get the fuck out of here.”

>Can’t. There’s probably a line of stallions, colts, and mares outside waitin’ fer me.

“That’s… that’s BULLSHIT! Where’s my legion of admirers?!”

>Ah dunno. Ah don’t really care. It’s really annoyin’ when yer’ lookin’ for a letter from home an' ya gotta sift through fifty romance letters…

“Fuck this, there’s no way those fools prefer apples over some sexy, grade-A chitin! I’m gonna go see about this!”

And Chrysalis stormed out in a huff while Applejack continued to mutter to herself.

>They mostly wanna kiss mah flank… an’ Ah can’t tell if they’re serious. Ah mean, who’d really wanna kiss mah rear?

A voice rang out down the hall.

‘I would!’

>Shaddup, 56.

Another voice followed.

-Me too!-

>Consarnit, Spike….

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>AJ12
“Donut Joe”
‘Customers’
~~~~

“12! Where are order 19’s six dozen doughnuts with a side order of donut holes?”

‘Hurry up back there, some of us have jobs we’d like to keep!’

>I’m trying, I’m trying, but the stupid conveyor belt got stuck and- DEAR GOD IT’S CAUGHT MY WING! I'M CAUGHT AND IT’S DRAGGING ME THROUGH THE GLAZE!

“Quit playing around, boy, and get on those orders! It’s rush hour Saturday and we’ve got a line a mile long!”

>NO SERIOUSLY I’M BEING TURNED INTO A DONUT TWIST RIGHT NOW!

‘Where’s my three dozen creme-filled?’

‘And my three Manehatten specials?’

“Yes, yes, they’re coming up in just a few- 12! What’s taking so long?!”

>THIS IS MADNESS! GAH! ...HERE!

“This order was passed out five minutes ago!”

>I- what? Aw man, the tickets must’ve gotten mixed up! You know, when I was being dunked in white-hot glaze and NO ONE CAME TO HELP!

‘Can you whine later and get our donuts now?’

‘Yeah!’

‘Hurry up!’

‘Get back there and glaze, bitch!’

>I hate you all. I hope each and every one of you chokes-

“12!”

>-on one of our delicious and limited-time-only donut holes. Ask about it at the front counter.

“Better.”
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>Chitania
“Salespony”
~~~~

“…”

>You wish to speak?

“I do, but I’m fairly certain you’ve got a mean swing with that popcorn machine.”

>That I do.

“Ah, then in that case, what can I help you with, ma’am? We sell a number of things here at Staple and Maple- I’m Staple by the way, wife’s Maple- but sadly, we do not carry socks that could cover hooves that large.”

>Fool, it is not socks that I requ- hold on, back the fuck up! Did you just say I have big hooves?

“I see you’re winding up your popcorn machine so I’ll say no. You must’ve heard wrong, ma’am.”

>You know, I thought I had. Now what I’m looking for is a thought restrainer.

“…a what?”

>A THOUGHT RESTRAINER! ARE YOU DAFT OR JUST STUPID?

“Been daft since birth and with age comes a wee bit of stupidity. Allow me to parse your words, though. You say ‘thought restrainer’ but I’m pretty sure you mean dream catcher.”

>…

“…”

>…

“Yeah, that’s what you meant.”

>I could catch Mr. Popcorn upside your extremely malleable skull is what I really meant. Get me?

“Loud’n clear, ma’am. And yes, we do carry those! While I ring you up, can I ask why the need?”

>Because false gods wish to infiltrate my mind as a means of extracting revenge for their own weakness and I plan to set a trap for the next time they foolishly foray where they ought not to.

“…ah. Well. M’kay. That’ll be 79 bits.”

>I will offer you instead one bag of popcorn.

“…”

>Okay. TWO bags of popcorn and not a kernel more.

“That’s… that’s the best I’m going to get, isn’t it?”

>Either that or I bonk you on the bean and just take it.

“Well, guess my hooves are tied, aren't they? I accept.”

>Success!
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>18
"Gaffer"
'8-bit'
~~~~~

>... Huh, if I could stop time, I'd mostly use it to catch up on paperwork... am I getting boring? Am I just not exciting anymore? What happened to you, 18. You used to be that badass that snuck into buildings and had the place wired to collapse in minutes. You used to zap brains left and right like it wasn't even a thing... no wonder Shiny prefers Ca-

*SLAM!*

"YYoooooou!"

'ISH JUSH NUH FAIR!'

>...Okay, my guards are getting a reprimand here.

"Yer' oneaa dem changahsins! Sha shings da' took muh buddy and made hum all cool now!"

'Uh jush wanna be cool like him!'

"But lishen up here! Jush caush Shooby is givin' you sha' bushiness dunna mean he's any good! He'sh a jerk!"

'He doeshn even wan ush around anymore!'

>Then what the hell are you doing in his castle?

"...Well, Ah' mean, we shlupped pasht the guards."

'LIKE NINJASH!'

>I very much doubt you could slip on an ice rink. So, your presence means that, at the very least, there are standing orders to allow you back into the castle, despite your frequent whining and, in your case, disturbing behavior.

'You dun know him like we do! He'sh jus gonna leave ya' when he's done bangin' ya!'

"You should come wish ush instead!"

>I would rather eat a solid chunk of concrete wrapped in fiberglass.

"WASH HE GOT THA' WE DON'T!?"

>...You want to know what Shining Armor has that you don't?

'YEAH! Why can't it be ush!?'

>Because once upon a time, there was a little Changeling. This little Changeling did a very bad thing. This little Changeling helped a very bad Queen do a very bad thing to him. Something that hurt him a whole lot. This little Changeling did not feel bad for doing this. This little Changeling did not care. But there came a time when that little Changeling was in the same place as the poor fellow that bad stuff happened to. Do you know what that poor fellow did?

"...Punched the chabiling?"

'I'd punch'em.'

>As well he could, as well he should. But no. One day, that little Changeling came to his land, a magical place filled with wonder and beauty, and she snuck into his home once again. At first, he said he did not like her. He said she shouldn't sneak in. But he did not keep her away. That poor fellow let that little Changeling come back. That little Changeling kept making mistakes, kept trying to repeat what happened to that poor fellow all over again. Do you know what the poor fellow did then?

"...REALLY punch 'er?"

>No. One day that poor fellow worked himself until he could no longer stay awake, and could not humor that little Changeling. So he left her cookies. For everything that little Changeling did, for everything she tried to do, he made her cookies. And that little changeling thought to herself "Well, I suppose one bit of help wouldn't hurt." And you know what he did?

"...REEEEALLY hit her?"

>No. He did what her Queen never did. He said "Thank you." All of the work that little Changeling had done before, all she tried to do, and that poor fellow was the first one to say thank you to her. And he did it again... and again... and again. He never asked, but he always thanked. He let that little Changeling stay in the magical place. He showed her she can find appreciation. She can find love, even if it's not the one she wants. She showed her... she could have a home.

"Uh..."

'Yeah, ush..'

>So that is what he has that you don't. You whiny little assholes just care about what he is GIVEN, you never once think about how much he had to GIVE, you only think about him slipping me the long one, never once did you think the thing he gave me was a place to live. Not stay, to LIVE. You want to know what he has that you don't? He's got enough love in his heart to look at a monster that hurt him, and tell her she did a good job. He's got enough love to see that monster every day, and be happy she's around. He has it, you don't.

"...Um..."

>I'm tired of seeing your faces, and I have work to do. I earn my appreciation, so... Get the fuck out of my office. Now.

"'...BL-'"

A magical grip grabbed both of their mouths shut. Making them bulge with what almost came to be.

>NO FUCKING BLARGHS!

Furiously, she hurled them out, letting them spill their guts out into the hallway, and slamming the door.

>...He's special, you stupid assholes.

Sighing, she sat down, and got back to work. Very, very slowly... a smile worked it's way onto her face.

>...just that special...
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-Canon to the fullest.

>56
“18”
‘???’
_____

She almost didn’t believe it when the little Changeling just waltzed right into her office and plopped down next to her chair.

She stared down at him curiously while he eyed her mountain of paperwork.

“Ummmm… well! This is a nice surprise! How’s my little Changeling doing, hm? Just stopping by to say hey or…?”

>18… would you love me if I was your kid?

Her blood instantly ran cold.

Fuck.

Really? Now?

“O-of course I would! I- you… yeah!”

He blinked at the invoices, his expression unnaturally vacant.

>Are you my mom…?

She bopped him over the head with her pen.

“You know I’m not, silly.”

>Then… who is?

“I’d tell you if I could, 56.”

He suddenly stood, gently nudging 18 in the side with his head.

>No you wouldn’t. But that’s okay. I don’t mind my ma just leavin’ me without a word, without a hug or nothin’. She probably had a flat plot anyways….

Coming from 56, that was the lowest of insults ever spawned and 18 could find no uplifting words to utter as her despondent little brother made for the door.

But she’d try anyway.

“Hey… 56?”

He paused.

“You know we all love you, right? Me, 42, even Chrysalis- all of us. You do know that, right?”

>Yeah. I know. You mind if I come back her again…?

“As many times as you feel like it.”

The smile that graced his face lasted only an instant but she’d caught it.

“Can I ask what brought that on?”

>Me and Ara-Ara were talkin’ and she mentioned her ma and then she asked me ‘bout mine and that’s when it hit me that I didn’t know anything about my own ma. Her face, her name, her scent, I got nothin’. So I told her nothin’… and she went back to gabbin’ ‘bout her ma….

“…”

>I didn’t even get jealous. I just got kinda sad….

“I see….”

>Well, anyway, I’ll be back, 18. Thanks.

“Anytime.”

When 56 left, he took with him 18’s ability to concentrate on even the simplest document and she was left to lean back in her chair, staring idly up at the ceiling as her mind drifted elsewhere, to events long past.

“Celestia damn it….”

‘It is a little disconcerting, I’ll agree.’

18 fell over backwards with a thud that set her piles of paperwork trembling.

‘Careful there, 18.’

“Chrysalis! I- how- you’ve been there this whole time?”

‘About ten seconds before 56 walked in, yes.’

“And with a cup of coffee….”

‘They had a new café noir blend, really light with some intriguing notes of pepper and a bold finish. How could I resist?’

“But I didn’t sense you….”

‘Because I did not want you to. I was… curious as to how you’d handle his questions.’

There was something in her tone that only quickened 18’s heartbeat.

“And I answered them correctly… right?”

‘Well, you are still standing here so yes, you can say you did.’

“…”

‘Help him along, won’t you? My other half would never ask this of you for fear of acquiring feelings so I’ll request it. Consider it an order, okay?’

“Yes, my Queen, only….”

‘Only?’

“Why me?”

‘Oh. That’s easily answered. Because he decided to come to you, 18. Not 42, not 29, not 77, and not even me. But you.’

18 blinked, still struggling to see the correlation.

“But WHY? Why me?”

‘Don’t sell yourself short, 18. You’re worth more than what you think you are. A lot more, to all of us. Keep up the good work, dear.’

When her Queen used one of those holey wings to pat her over the head, 18 quite suddenly went rigid, and remained as thus until after Chrysalis had sauntered out the room. Then her legs began to tremble and her eyes started to glisten.

“St-stupid… s-so stupid….”

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>29
"MM"
'Trixie'
[Zecora]
~???~
-???-
~~~~~

>Under thine baking sun so intense, so burning, I feel it. The sting of dirt upon mine chitin, the shake of the shovel as it pierces the ground like the bolt of thunder and lighting piercing the black night sky! Weep for me, yonder lings long since past or yet to be, weep for-

'WILL YOU STOP!'

Not even looking, Mayor Mare slapped her upside the head.

"Don't interrupt the sexy talk!"

'HE'S JUST DIGGING A HOLE!'

[I think you are selling short how much he has to dig. Just looking from here, that hole is rather big.]

>Look, thine child so lost is being vague about what it is that lies beneath this dirt and stone. Dare I fear it to be another pile of bones so dark? Perhaps a toy that once held this childs heart? What I shall find is a mystery that shall-

His shovel met the CLINK of a loud resistance, and he paused.

>...It... it can't be...

"HOLY SHIT!"

'What? It's just a rock.'

[That, dear magician, is no simple stone! That is a being that was once of flesh and bone!]

>Ahhhhh.... shiiiiiiiittt....

"Uh oh, sexy talk stopped. Niney? Niney you okay?"

>...Shiiiiiiiiiitttt....

"I don't think he's okay."

>...Marey? You uh... you might need to give me some vacation time.

"...We're pretty short on that, Niney, you've used up an awful lot."

[Well, in this case an exception must be made. This is a matter for which he must give out his aide.]

'Trixie is lost, can someone clarify?'

[Cockatrices.]

'...Oh! Well, no biggie, they have ways to fix that. We just have to get him to...'

>...

'...There's more than just your 'ghost', isn't there?'

>This used to be an orphanage.

'....ahhhhhh... shiiiit.'

>And no, the child that hangs at my side is not among them. He ran as they were attacked, and never forgave the guards for letting them all be turned to stone.

'...So...'

>There is a lot of statues.

'Lot lot?'

>...

["...Whelp-"]

The pair stopped, cut off by their weird synchronization.

"You bout to hop down there too?"

[Indeed.]

>You two do not need to-

Too late, they had already joined him, and started digging.

Eventually, amidst a grand theatrics, the blue unicorn joined them.

'Of course you need the aide of The GREAT and POWERFUL Trixie! Your simple bug magic is insufficient!'

He did not respond to her, simply rolling his eyes and turning to a blank spot beside him.

>You can go, if you want. We will help them. I promise.

The flash went off again, but he did not care. The light in his eyes would fade, in time. Hopefully, it would not take too long. He had so much work left to do...

~~~~~~

~...bill.... bill... request fer' more fundin'... bill... Chrysalis bein' a jerk... bill... ~

-Hey, Applejack!-

~...Loverboy, why are ya' carryin' a giant stack of papes?~

-Because someone just uncovered a whole bunch of Cockatrice stoned orphans.-

~Mah stars! Are they okay?~

-They're fine, but... uh...-

~...Ah' have ta' do the paperwork fer' 'em all.~

-That you do.-

~...Well, that stack is only as high as you, that's not so ba-~

-This is one kid.-

~...Spike? Is mah' cryin' corner reservation still open?~

-Pretty sure you have your own VIP spot.-

~Good.... good...~
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