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- hibachi
- >be a guy at a Hibachi restaurant.
- >the new delicacy is live baby fluffies cooked on the grill right in front of you.
- >you’re a trendy dick, so you’re always the first in line to try something new.
- >your hibachi chef is chef yuri nagako
- >his real name is chuck and he’s from omaha, but he doesn’t tell you that.
- >chef nagako does a little show with some knives and oil dispensers. you applaud politely.
- >he plucks a fluffy from a container. it’s small, only a few inches high.
- >predictably, it cries for its mother.
- >”mumma… mumma.. wan mumma! fwuffy scawed!”
- >before it can shit on the hibachi, chef nagako squeezes it over a bucket next to him.
- >his shoe shine bills must be astronomical.
- >he pops a pepper into the fluffy’s butthole, then with two deft strokes of his knife he cuts off its legs.
- >not very much blood - you’re surprised. the legs are thrown out.
- >”eeeeeeeeee! mumma! mumma! wan mumma! weggies huuuuuuuuuuuuwt! poopie pwace huwt!”
- >chef nagako makes a small slice along the fluffie’s back and peels away its fluff and top layer of skin.
- >damn, this guy’s good.
- >sprinkle some spices on it. the fluffy squeals from it stinging its raw flesh.
- >”eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! huwtieeeeeeeeeeeees!”
- >it probably would have shit itself sideways by now, were it not for the pepper in its ass.
- >he then places the fluffy on the grill and squeezes some more cooking oil around it.
- >the grill sizzles as the fluffy foal rolls around helplessly on the hot metal, its skin getting singed on every side.
- >you take a picture with your brand new cameraphone. you’re fascinated.
- >chef nagako flips the fluffy around with a couple of spatulas, making sure it gets evenly browned on all sides.
- >add a little more spice.
- >the fluffy moves its little stubs, trying desperately to crawl off the grill.
- >not today, fluffy!
- >chef nagako flips the fluffy onto its back. it’s now in shock from the hot grill cooking its skin.
- >he makes a quick incision down the belly and quickly yanks out the intestines with a small pair of tongs
- >fill the fluffy’s chest cavity with sauce, which is lit on fire.
- >the fire cooks its remaining internal organs just enough to make them edible.
- >chef nagako plops the fluffy onto your plate, garnish with a sprig of parsely and some vegetables.
- >you dig in… sampling the tender, spiced flesh of the foal.
- >delicious. it’s like tender rabbit meat but a bit heavier.
- >use your chopsticks to pull out one of its lungs, then its liver.
- >the fluffy, still barely conscious, watches you eating its internal organs.
- >it tries to mouth something at you. it looks like “wan mumma”
- >you jam a fork into its face. you don’t like your dinner watching you eat it.
- >finish stripping off its flesh and eating its organs, dipping it into the spicy sauce.
- >amazing. chef nagako is a master.
- >”How you like fruffy pony?”
- >”Excellent. How much is that, by the way?”
- >”Fruffy pony fifteen dollah each.”
- >”I’ll take two more.”
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