Unfinished Shitty One Off (I have no idea)

May 13th, 2017
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  1. >”Well, what do you make of it?” asks the guard.
  2. >You glance over the crime scene again.
  3. >It’s been ten minutes of analyzing, and you think you’re ready to start weaving your theory.
  4. “I think it’s fairly obvious what happened here”
  5. >The guard’s eyes light up.
  6. >A lot of the average guards aren’t very bright, so you seem like a super genius.
  7. “Well, first off, the door was kicked in.” you state, walking over towards it.
  8. “From there, the suspect came in and came to the counter. Based on the mess, I’d assume they jumped over to reach the shelves instead of using any magic.”
  9. >”And then what?”
  10. >You sigh a little, this is almost like trying to explain math to a rock.
  11. “/Then/ they stole some goods, by the looks of it, some bread and a bottle of cider. Everything else is fully stocked.”
  12. >Nodding, the guard looks at the shelves, realization twinkling faintly in his dull eyes.
  13. >”Who do you think might have done it Inspector Khoa?”
  14. “Well, I’d be shocked if it was anybody else /besides/ Daze. Out on one of her ‘walks’.”
  15. >He shudders, everyone in town lives in fear of those ‘walks’, even the fellow guards.
  16. “I’ll go talk with her, it’s her day off I think.”
  17. >”Um, I was wondering, if you two are… an item, why don’t you live together? You’d be able to keep in her check more…”
  18. >Your face goes flush when he mentions your “secret” relationship.
  19. >Hard to really call it a secret when half the town knows.
  20. >Rumors travel far too fast.
  22. >After working out payment for the damages with the store owner, you start trudging over to Daze’s place.
  23. >It’s not going to lead to much, but you technically need to scold her for what she did.
  24. >You knock on her door, half expecting no answer.
  25. >However, the door opens after only a six minute wait.
  26. >Considering she’s probably hung over, that’s a record.
  27. >Standing in the doorway is Daze, her eyelids drooping and her hair tousled and messy.
  28. >”What ya want?” she croaks, shielding her eyes from the harsh sunlight.
  29. “Saw the aftermath of your little ‘excursion’ last night.”
  30. >She chuckles a little before holding her hand to her head and wincing.
  31. “You /really/ can’t keep doing this Daze. Nothing wrong with you drinking, but you’re a little out of control.”
  32. >Daze looks like she’s trying to come up with some witty comeback, but mostly just mumbles something.
  33. >Must have been a lot of booze to fuck her up this bad.
  34. “We, uh, we can discuss this later if you want Daze. You should probably get some sleep.”
  35. >Nodding a little, she starts to close her door.
  36. >But, before she’s all the way gone, she opens it wide again and grabs your arm.
  37. >Without time to object you’re pulled inside.
  38. “D-Daze! What are you doing?!” you yelp.
  39. >”Shuddap, I need ya…”
  40. >She doesn’t sound sadistic or playful, but a little… desperate?
  41. >Normally her saying she “needs you” leads to something very horrible or very enjoyable.
  42. >Granted she’s probably too out of it to do anything like that.
  43. >You’re in no rush to get back anywhere, so maybe helping out for a bit wouldn’t be too bad…
  45. >You sort of figured you’d be making toast somewhere along the line.
  46. >You always remind her you can cook other stuff, but it’s pretty much always toast.
  47. >At least it’s an /easy/ request.
  48. >As you cook her a “fuckin’ metric shit-ton” of toast, she lies in her bed.
  49. >Despite her bringing this all on herself, you can’t help but feel a little sorry for her.
  50. >When she crashes, she crashes hard.
  51. >Not that you’re much different.
  52. >Just so happens your crashes come from emotions and not a bottle of homemade alcohol.
  53. >”Oi, where’s the toast cunt?” calls Daze from her room.
  54. >That small bit of empathy is slowly ut surely dying.
  55. “Give me a second Daze!”
  56. >Slathering butter over the toast, you head towards her room.
  57. >Handing her the plate, you catch something out of the corner of your eye.
  58. “Um… Daze?” you ask.
  59. >”Wot?”
  60. “What’s this?”
  61. >You grab a small bottle that was on her nightstand.
  62. >Too small to be any booze, it’s probably not even half a shot’s worth.
  63. >Daze doesn’t answer, but smirks a little.
  64. >Looking over the bottle, there’s a small “D” on the cork.
  65. “Monograming your stuff now Daze?” you tease.
  66. >She shrugs a little, biting into her toast.
  67. >Seems like she’s feeling better, at least a little.
  68. >”Was messin’ around with the still mate, didn’t get a chance to try it last night before I was pissed…”
  69. >You roll your eyes, uncorking the bottle.
  70. >Doesn’t smell like booze to you.
  72. >”Care to try it mate?” Daze offers.
  73. >She’s gone from irritable and hungover to oddly generous.
  74. >Red flags are being raised quickly in your head.
  75. “Are you feeling better Daze?”
  76. >”Hmm? Oh, yeah! I’m fuckin’ great now! This… toast really helped!”
  77. >You sigh a little, she probably was faking a hangover this whole time.
  78. >You definitely wouldn’t put it past her.
  79. >”And as a token of my appreciation, I offer you to try my newest brew!”
  80. “There’s not much, and it smells nothing like any booze I’ve had.”
  81. >”Because it’s not like any fucking booze you’ve ever had!”
  82. >She seems awfully proud of whatever this is.
  83. >Oh well, you’ve already been humoring her thus far…
  84. >Shrugging, you down the contents of the bottle in a single sip.
  85. >No distinct taste to it really.
  86. >Daze sits up quickly, rubbing her hands together.
  87. >”This had best work… he better have not conned me!” she mutters excitedly.
  88. >”He?”
  89. >You look at the bottle again, that fancy little “D”...
  90. >Discord?
  91. >Well now you’re more than a little concerned about this.
  92. >And you can’t help but feel really fucking stupid for playing right into Daze’s hand.
  93. >You also feel a little… dizzy…
  95. “D-Daze! What the hell did you… do?”
  96. >She laughs a little, motioning for you to sit on her bed.
  97. >Shaking a little, you sit down, making sure to stay as far as possible from her.
  98. >It’s not even fear, it’s more you feel like you’re about the throw up.
  99. >And maybe just a slight hint of fear.
  100. >”Well, ever since that cunt Discord forced me to play dress up, I reckoned he owed me one! So when I went to talk with him, we worked out a little deal.”
  101. “And that involves drugging me?”
  102. >Daze shrugs a little.
  103. >”Not really drugged! Trust me, this shit ain’t gettin’ ya pissed!”
  104. >Your stomach is in knots right now.
  105. >Whatever this is, you don’t like it.
  106. “What /does/ it do?”
  107. >”Well, I need a drinkin’ buddy! One with more… agreeable thoughts!”
  108. >As you try to figure out what’s going on in your body, Daze gets up, pulling out a bottle of her booze.
  109. >Uncorking it, she begins to wave it under your snout.
  110. >”Smells good, eh?”
  111. >You go to tell her no, but in all honesty, it smells really fucking good.
  112. >Squirming a little, you meagerly shake your head.
  113. >”Ah, don’t be like that! I know you want some!” Daze insists.
  114. >There’s no denying you have the impulse to snatch the bottle and start chugging, whatever you just drank has given you quite the craving.
  115. “H-how long is this going to last?”
  116. >”About twelve hours, now stop actin’ like a cunt and get drinking!”
  117. >Sighing a little, you take the bottle and take a small sip.
  118. >The moment it touches your tongue you need more.
  119. >It was probably a half full bottle when you got your hands on it, but it’s empty now.
  120. >Giggling to yourself, you feel your inhibitions shriveling up and dying.
  121. >Daze looks very pleased with herself as she takes the empty bottle from you.
  122. >”Time for round two!”
  124. >You’re Daze, and you’re fucking loving this.
  125. >After slight bribery, and lots of bargaining, you finally managed to get Discord to give you what you wanted.
  126. >To, at least for a day, make Khoa into a blinding drinking buddy!
  127. >Getting her to drink the potion was easy enough, for a detective, she’s sort of dense.
  128. >Just had to mess up some store then fake a hangover, and next thing you knew that nob was knocking back the potion.
  129. >And now she’s lounging on the couch with a shit eating grin, taking liberal gulps from a bottle of your finest.
  130. >They grow up so fast!
  131. >Chuckling to yourself, you pour yourself a shot.
  132. >Sure, it’s only a little past noon, but today’s a special occasion!
  133. >Not often Khoa isn’t a depressing fuck while drinking.
  134. >”Hey Daze!” Khoa calls, her voice already slurring somewhat.
  135. >”Whaddya say you and me play a little drinkin’ game?”
  136. >In your time on Earth, you’d become more than versed in bar culture, there’s practically no drinking game under the sun you couldn’t win.
  137. “Now you’re talking mate! What’s the game?”
  138. >Hopping off the couch, Khoa starts scrounging around your house for stuff.
  139. “Oi, stop throwin’ shit!”
  140. >”Not my fault I can’t fucking find anything! I gotta look harder!” she retorts, pulling out drawers in your kitchen.
  141. >You shrug, valid point, but she’d better fucking clean this shit up.
  143. >After a few minutes of crashing and cursing from Khoa, she returns, setting stuff down on the tale.
  144. >”You ready?”
  145. >Nodding, you look over the “game” they set up for you.
  146. >There’s several bottles of booze, a few cups, and… a bunch of random shit.
  147. “Why the fuck do ya need that much salt?”
  148. >Smirking Khoa pours each of the cups half full, then starts tossing random stuff into two of them.
  149. “Oi, that’s /my/ booze you’re wrecking!”
  150. >She ignores you, continuing to make her shitty cocktails.
  151. >”Alright, now sit down and put on this blindfold!”
  152. >You sit down, but down put on the blindfold yet.
  153. >”Don’t be a fucking pussy Daze, c’mon!”
  154. “I’m no fucking pussy!” you insist, tying it onto your face.
  155. >”Good, now you keep it on, and I’m going to mix the cups up, and you’ll choose the one you want to drink from!”
  156. >Well this isn’t a very fun game, but hey, at least she’s trying.
  157. >After a few moments, Khoa asks you to pick a drink.
  158. >Grabbing one, you sniff it, picking up hints of what you can only imagine is coffee grounds.
  159. “Bet ya didn’t think about me smellin’ em you dumb cunt!” you tease, taking a whiff of the next one.
  160. >You don’t know what the hell that is, but you aren’t drinking it.
  161. >Which means the last one is the safe one!
  162. >You triumphantly pick it up and chug it down.
  163. >Only to gag and spit it right back out.
  164. >Tearing off your blindfold, you’re greeted by Khoa laughing her ass off.
  165. “Did you fucking pour shit in the third one too?!”
  166. >”Who said I /wouldn’t/?”
  167. >Groaning, you snatch one of the bottles and sip from it to get the taste of death out of your mouth.
  168. “Not much of a fuckin’ game Khoa!”
  169. >”Jeez, lighten up! Just having a bit of fun!”
  171. >You are Khoa, and this is fucking great!
  172. >In all your time here, you’ve never felt more alive.
  173. >Despite how eager Daze is to piss days like these away by just drinking, you have bigger and better plans!
  174. “Hey, Daze, why don’t you man the fort, I’ve got some business to attend to! Gonna go ‘interrogate’ some prisoners.”
  175. >”I don’t think you should be heading outside until this stuff wears o-”
  176. “What has gotten into you Daze? You’re acting like an absolute pussy!”
  177. >She scowls, standing up from her seat.
  178. >”I am no fucking pussy!”
  179. >Smirking you pace around the room a bit.
  180. “Really? Because ever since I started having /fun/, you’ve been acting more straight laced than I normally am!”
  181. >Her pride wounded, Daze walks right up to you.
  182. >”I’m gonna fuckin’ prove I’m no pussy! I’ll go fucking interrogate those sods, and I’ll do it better than you ever could!”
  183. >With that she marches out the door.
  184. >Well that worked perfectly!
  185. >Managed to get Daze out of her house, leaving you to do just about whatever you want to do in it!
  186. >As you think about possible things to do however, nothing really seems worth the effort.
  187. >So much for bigger and better plans eh?
  188. >Shrugging, you pour yourself a shot and flop back on the couch.
  189. >At least you bought yourself some peace and quiet!
  191. >That peace and quiet is soon interrupted by Discord of all people appearing in the house.
  192. “The fuck you want?”
  193. >”I see Daze managed to get you to drink that little potion of mine.”
  194. >You nod, pouring yourself another shot.
  195. >”I honestly didn’t expect you to play into her little scheme so easily, I’m a little disappointed!”
  196. “And why should I give a shit? I’m having a damn good time!”
  197. >”I can see that, but I expected more from you, you’re a detective after all!” he insists.
  198. >It’s painfully obvious he’s trying to fluster you, make you feel bad.
  199. >Kinda hard to do when you have absolutely no regrets about any of this.
  200. “Are you going to keep trying to fuck with me, or can I get back to enjoying myself?”
  201. >Discord honestly looks a little angry!
  202. >Chuckling a bit, you make a “shooing” motion with your hands.
  203. “You’re blocking my view big guy!”
  204. >”Your view? I’m standing in front of a /wall/!”
  205. ”Maybe I /like/ looking at the wall! It sure as hell isn’t being annoying like /some/ people!”
  206. >It's easy to tell you're irritating him.
  207. >His eyes are twitching a little more than usual, and for once he seems lost for words.
  208. “Wow, can't even handle a little teasing? That's fucking pathetic!” you cheer, laughing.
  210. >Discord snaps his fingers, enveloping the room in a bright light.
  211. >When it fades, whatever you had drank earlier has suddenly worn off.
  212. >”I’m used to /Daze/ being that insipid, but having two dragons like that running around for even half a day sounds awful. I forgot how annoying it was just having her in my life.”
  213. >You sit up, groaning.
  214. “What…? Oh god dammit my head…”
  215. >Discord smirks, seeing you return to your normal- now hungover- self.
  216. >”This was all quite obviously a mistake from the start.”
  217. “Then… why the hell did you do it in the first place?!”
  218. >”At the time, it felt fun! Then it started to affect me personally, and that just won't do.”
  219. >He leaves right after that, leaving you with a headache and some muddled memories.
  220. >You were acting like an absolute cunt, not that you could have done anything about it.
  221. >In all honesty you were acting pretty childish.
  222. >
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