AnalPlugAnon

Anon is So Sick of Ponies Shit (idk what to do with this)

Aug 31st, 2016
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  1. To be continued???!!?!?!??!?!!
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  4. "So what you're telling me is that all these ponies are upset with me because I go camping and don't try to fuck them."
  5. >Twilight and the other Elements cringe slightly, unused to a colt using such forward language with a mare.
  6. >"That's a crude way of putting it, but I guess you aren't wrong."
  7. >You roll your eyes.
  8. "Is there anything else you want to tell me? Like, what else am I unknowingly doing that's going to piss you little bastards off?"
  9. >Rarity gasps at "little bastards" and takes an aggressive step forward, but Applejack sticks a hoof out in front of her and holds her back.
  10. >The applehorse speaks up.
  11. >"Well there's your language for one, Anon. Ah like hoopin' and hollerin' as much as the next mare, but that don't fly none when it comes to the fairer sex."
  12. >You point a finger at her aggressively.
  13. "I will swear if I god damn want to. What else?"
  14. >Rainbow Dash hovers over, looking bored.
  15. >"You like doing a bunch of mare stuff. You're always in the stands when there's a hoofball game, but everypony just thinks you're there for the attention."
  16. "What do you mean, the attention?"
  17. >"Well, what more does a mare want after a hard game of tackle hoofball? A nice cold cider and a delicious snack put together by a pretty colt who can rut them later."
  18. >She flips onto her back mid-air and lazily smirks at you.
  19. >"Come on, Anon. You're not even trying to hide it. You're there, cheering as loud as you can so that all the players will hear you and pay attention to you."
  20. >You take a swipe at Rainbow Dash for being such a cunt, but she skillfully darts away.
  21. >"That's not very nice, Anon. Are you mad that I'm right?"
  22. >You're going to find where she lives and you're going to shit on her doorstep.
  23. "Fucking whatever. Anything else?"
  24. >Everyone's silent for a few moments before Twilight steps forward.
  25. >"Well, there is one thing."
  26. "What is it?"
  27. >"It's the way you just... do things without letting a mare help you."
  28. "That's because most of the things I do are piss-easy, Twilight."
  29. >She grimaces.
  30. >"Well, maybe, but you don't even give us a chance. How are we supposed to build up any kind of trust if you just ignore us all and do things yourself?"
  31. >Applejack speaks up before you can yell at Twilight for being dumb.
  32. >"She ain't wrong, Anon. It's a bit like you're spittin' in our faces, like you're better than us. Y'all are saying that you don't need a mare for nothing."
  33. "Well, I don't."
  34. >Rarity tries to walk up to you again, and once more Applejack holds her back.
  35. >You stare her right in the eye, though.
  36. >That's right.
  37. >Fuck you too, Rarity.
  38. "No, really. Things like chopping wood is a one-man job."
  39. >Applejack shakes her head, nearly dislodging her hat.
  40. >"Not things like that, Anon! 'Member when you were fixing your roof last month?"
  41. >You nod; you were there.
  42. >"Well, why the hay didn't y'all get a mare with a carpentry cutie mark to help you?"
  43. "I don't have a lot of money, Applejack. How would I pay her?"
  44. >"Heck, Anon! If the mare was any kind of decent, she'd help you out of the goodness of her heart."
  45. >Rainbow Dash floats by and, with a sly wink, throws in her two cents.
  46. >"A little reach-around wouldn't hurt either. Just invite her inside for a nice cold drink once she's done and give her a nice, firm rubbing."
  47. >You swing at her again but miss.
  48. >"Aww, are you worried about your reputation? Don't worry, kitten, she wouldn't tell anypony."
  49. >You fucking hate Rainbow Dash.
  50. >You don't change any of your behaviour just to spite her.
  51.  
  52. >It's the next day and you're walking back home from the market with a bag full of long, thick nails.
  53. >It's about time you build a fence, and you're so tired of ponies snacking on your garden.
  54. >You nearly jump out of your skin and drop your supplies when you feel a firm slap on your ass.
  55. >"Hey there, sweet cheeks. What's in the bag?
  56. >Rainbow Dash floats along beside you, deliberately matching your pace even though she can go much faster.
  57. "My cock and balls. What do you want?"
  58. >Rainbow Dash snickers and moves in front of you and starts flying backwards.
  59. >"No need to get all moody with me, kitten. Is it that time of the month already?"
  60. >If your arms weren't full of carpentry you'd swat her out of the air.
  61. "I'm building a fence, you horse's ass. You little bastards keep getting into my garden and you eat all my plants!"
  62. >"Geez, Anon. First you say you aren't into mares and then you surround your house with our favourite snacks. Everyone knows you're a slut, Anon."
  63. >Oh fuck right off.
  64. "Prove it, Rainbow Dash. Find me one mare I've stuck my dick into."
  65. >"Whatever, Anon. I don't need to prove it, everything you do just screams "I'm a dirty tramp"."
  66. >You finally reach your house where you have boards of wood leaning up against the walls.
  67. >"Oooh, so you took our advice and found a worker mare, eh?"
  68. >She elbows you and you shove her away.
  69. >"I don't see her around. Is she inside or something?"
  70. "Fuck off with that, Rainbow Dash."
  71. >She just laughs and watches you set everything up.
  72. >"She's not here huh? Is she bringing her friends to help out? Did you offer snack and cider, or are you going to help'em all relax by licking their clits?"
  73. >You fucking hate Rainbow Dash.
  74. >You're about 3 posts in when Twilight and her band of merry assholes comes marching over.
  75. >"Anon, we just talked about this!"
  76. >You ignore her and swing your mallet again to drive the post into the ground.
  77. >"Rainbow Dash told me you had 6 or 7 mares helping you but I don't see any."
  78. >Fucking Rainbow Dash.
  79. >If these "Anon is a slut" rumours take off, you're going to mount her on your roof and use her to figure out which way the wind is blowing.
  80. >Applejack speaks up with her heavy "20 minutes out of town" accent.
  81. >"Ah think he's ignoring us, Twilight."
  82. >You go for another swing but feel the mallet wrenched out of your grip.
  83. >You spin around and find Rarity looking at you smugly with your hammer in her magic.
  84. >"Anonymous darling, as cute as it is to watch you try to build a fence it's time you found a mare to do it properly."
  85. >You reach out to take your mallet back but Rarity swings it out of your reach.
  86. >"In fact, I-"
  87. >SMASH
  88. >The both of you stop and stare at the window that Rarity just shattered.
  89. >Rarity drops the mallet and takes a few steps backward.
  90. >"...as I was saying, dear, I think I will go to town and pay or somepony to build you that fence."
  91. >You take a step towards her and she skitters back towards her friends.
  92. >"And repairs your window! All free of charge! I'll pay for it!"
  93. >She and her friends decide that it's time to leave.
  94. >Rainbow cannot help but get the last word in.
  95. >"Good luck getting him to rut you now Rarity. Too bad too, I'll bet he'd do anal too."
  96. >You hear the faint sounds of Rarity groaning in disappointment.
  97. >You fucking hate Rainbow Dash.
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