[M4A] Comfort For A Suicidal Significant Other

Comfort For A Suicidal Significant Other
written by Cardlin
Synopsis: You walk in to find your SO on the ground with a knife, and rush to their aide.
Tags: M4A, Trigger warning: Suicide/Depression, Romance, Inspiration, L-Bombs

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[Door closes] Honey, wait til you hear about what Sandusky’s got me doing now. Honey? Where are y- there you are, baby. What are you doing down there, hm? I can’t imagine the corner of the kitchen is very comfortable. I… is everything alright? Christ, doll, you look- w-what… what is that?

[Knife noise, voice changes] Is that a knife? Baby, wh-what do you… why do you have that? No, n-n-n-no, baby, put it down. Sweetie, I n-need you to- PUT THAT KNIFE DOWN THIS INSTANT, GOD DAMNIT. Oh Christ, baby, I’m sorry for yelling, come here. Get this.. get this AWAY, Christ. [Knife skitters away on tile] No no no, love, I’m here, I’m here, God I’m here and I’m never leaving. I’ll never let go, not once, christ… oh christ, love you… you scared me. No no no, i love you, baby look at me, look at me… [Crying] I love you. I LOVE you, god above, how I love you. I’m not mad, I’m not… I’m not leaving you, I’d never leave. No no no, you’re not crazy, i don’t think you’re… that, you know? I’m not calling anyone, I’m not sending you away, no one’s taking you from me. We’ll sit here, right on this floor as long as we need to.

It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to cry, okay? You can cry, you can scream, you can hit me, you can burn me, you can rage until the sun goes down… but you can’t do that again, alright? Don’t you look away, look at me… that’s through. That’s done.  There are many answers, many choices, so many different things you can do… but that’s not one of them. Not anymore. not ever, alright? Look at me, baby… that’s done. Whatever it is, whatever it could possibly be… I’m here. I’m here, I’m yours, and I love you.

Oh wow, baby, you… you terrified me there for a second. I thought… Christ, who knows what I thought, but it was still petrifying. [Deep breath, sniffles] I… okay. Now that we’re here… you’re in my arms, your hands are in mine, and I’ve got you tight up against me… tell me why we’re here. Honey… please? Hey, precious… stay with me. Right here, right in my eyes… there. Good. Now, please… what happened? How did… how did we get here?

What? No, no, I’d never think it was silly. I promise you, nothing you can say right now is going to sound silly. No matter how small you might think it is, no matter how petty you might feel the reason was… tell me. Everything. Every last detail that got you from the person I met to the beauty sat on my kitchen floor. Go ahead, baby, cry all you need to… take as long as you want. I have the rest of my…. however long you need to hear all of this out.

I… wow, yeah, okay, that’s tough. There’s more? Christ. Alright, all of it, baby, all of it. We’re not stopping until this story’s good and through. Yikes. Yeowch, yeah. No, I understand; yes, you can and should feel that way. I… look.

I’m not a professional. I’m blanking on every last “things you should or shouldn’t say to a suicidal loved one” list I’ve read. All I know is this: I love you. I LOVE you, precious. You mean the world to me… and no, I’m not saying that’s why you should stay. I love you, your family loves you and yes, it would hurt us to know you… if you had, but no, that’s not why I want you to stay. I want you to stay because you’re amazing and you are here to fight.

You are strong. Yes you are, love. You’ve been through so much, survived where others would have failed, you’ve put up with so much shit and you, baby, you? You are the single strongest person I know. You are gorgeous. I’m not just talking about physical beauty, which you have in SPADES AND BOATLOADS, but… your soul, babydoll, your heart, your smile… it glows. You shine brighter than any star. Your heart, whether you want to admit it or not, is so full of love that you can’t help but see it shining through the seams. You don’t see it… you refuse to, but I can’t HELP but see it every time I see you. If you could only see what I see, who I see, whenever I look at you… you’d know how perfect you are to me. How much of a blessing, a gift, a truly wondrous miracle you are in my life.

No… life isn’t fair. No, it won’t always be easier. It gets tough sometimes, even tougher than this, and… yeah, sometimes it seems overwhelming. You know what does change, though? It’s you. You get stronger, you get more resilient, you get wiser. You tell me you’ve so far to go yet, that the road seems so long and daunting… but if you’d just stop and look behind you you’d marvel at how far you’ve already come. A weak person, a scared person, a terrible person… they couldn’t have survived what you did. That makes you a miracle, baby. My miracle. Now tell me… what would life be without a miracle like you in it? More importantly… if you’ve already achieved and accomplished so much, just think of what you can do next!

It’ll be tough. It’ll get dark. It’ll get chaotic… but I will always, always, always be here. When you can’t be strong, I’ll be your strength. When you can’t believe in yourself… you can believe that I believe in you. When you need that shoulder to cry on, that ear to listen, that hand to hold, that extra push to keep you moving or even that gentle quiet to calm you down… I’m here.

No, I don’t mind being down here. I’ll stay here all night with you, if you want. We’ll get up when you’re ready… and when we do, we won’t look back, alright? And if you want, in the morning… we can pursue some professional help. No, that’s, baby, no. It’s not embarrassing, it’s being human. When the pipes are broken, we call a plumber. When your body hurts, we go to the doctor. When the inside hurts… when this, here? When this hurts… we need help, okay?

C’mon. We’ll talk about this in bed, alright? For now, I just want to carry you off to bed and never let you go. We’ll get up in a second but first, hey, look at me again. I’ve got you, alright? You’re mine, wholly and utterly, and I’m not letting you go. We’ll be alright, you’ll be alright, and I’ll be here every step of the way. Now, let’s get up. C’mon. Uppp we go. no, I’ll… I’ll clean this up tomorrow. For now, let’s go to bed… and never, ever look back. Smile, love. We’re taking the first few steps of the rest of our lives.