str was awesome but i've been dreading the end

str is probably my favourite event of the year, maybe tied with super smash con. i love that there's an event that brings 2 of my favourite communities together. even though my main smash games aren't included it was awesome that the event wasn't overcrowded and i still got time to see my old friends and meet new ones too. i would love it if next year there were more side events that appeal to both smashers and speedrunners so we can connect more and i think that the STR staff will do a great job of coming up with more awesome stuff to do.

i ended up being on stream 6 times. that is nuts. everything i did was overnight and my sleep schedule is screwed on top of the jetlag, but honestly i'm just happy to have done it all. it was really fun to be a part of all of this.

my earthbound run had absolutely awful rng and i died in magicant. i still managed to finish under estimate. my smash 64 run was quick and funny and the 2 guys on my couch were hilarious. sml2 randomizer was a ton of fun and i hear ppl really enjoyed it. i was exhausted by the time my dr mario run came around and went 1 min over. i still got nothing but positive feedback on all these things so i guess that's a testament to my marathon experience, my commentary has improved about a billionfold. that feels awesome. i'm also really happy my runs are over bc i've been stressing about that eb run for months. it's like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

i also was part of an unplanned impromptu mario party 2 session at 3 am after my smash 64 run, on vgbc stream. that was hilarious. i got the best luck imaginable and won after being ahead since turn 2 despite winning maybe 1 4-way minigame. the next night admiral funk asked me to be part of the planned mario party stream since they needed a speedrunner as one of the players, so i joined again since it was between the 2 runs i had that night. my luck wasn't so great this time but the console froze in the 2nd last turn and it was rip. the fan theory was that i sabotaged the game to keep my title LOL

ended up getting meals with my speedrun friends every day too and one night a bunch of us went out to this crazy japanese style arcade. i'm really happy i was able to do that. it was nice to be in a big happy friendly group. i needed that.

this will be the last thing i go to for a very long time. i don't want to go back home and face my crumbling life. bc of my impending breakup my financial situation will be in shambles for a while (although thanks to some extremely generous people this may not last as long as i anticipated). i have no vacation time and suspect my job security is not very tight anymore. someone i was very close to and still need in my life is no longer someone i even really recognize and it's giving me a lot of trust issues. the bullshit that happened to my gaia friends has yet to be resolved and there is a lot of sadness and anger on that front. and ppl on my discord dont know how to chill the fuck out with the aggressiveness and other ppl don't know how to let things go and im sick of dealing with the negativity. kinda just want to delete my server sometimes. don't know who i pissed off so badly up there to deserve all this shit happening at once but at least no one else close to me has died in the last 2 weeks i guess that's a silver lining or something. having a few days away from all of this was a real blessing. 99% of the time i don't feel like talking to anyone because of all this shit so sorry for not reading or responding to twitter or discord messages. especially if those messages are asking me to do a favour or inviting me to vent about things. i really don't want that right now, i'm constantly exhausted and often irritated and would rather just say it once. at least i'm trying to do the decent thing here and explain why things are the way they are instead of leaving people wondering.

this is how things are going to be for me for the foreseeable future since on top of everything else i'm losing traveling too. and there's not much i can do about it. now i don't know what to do next. ill probably just go back to streaming whatever. i'll need to practice my agdq submissions for a while. also tempted to finish xenogears when my ps1 cables arrive. now that str is over i will also be committing to learning dkc2. it's weird having nothing concrete coming up and no real aim or goals right now. maybe i need that for a while, who knows.