Jeff the Killer 2015 Review

One of the things I liked about the story was the feel of the story. In the original Jeff story, it felt like either a dumb action movie or a really over the top saturday morning cartoon (I mean, we're talking about the same story that has kids carrying firearms and crashing children's parties by Kool-Aid Manning their way in on skateboards). Jeff 2015 tries to fix this problem by giving its story a more realistic feel by making elements like the actions of the bully characters more subdued. Now for the most part, I think it works, save for the police officer(s) saying things like "arrest record", even though the term for that in the U.S is "Criminal Record" and one scene that I'll elaborate on later.

The other thing I liked about this story was the scene where Randy and Jeff are hanging out together by themselves. In this scene, we learn more about Randy (one of the bully characters). We find out that Randy dislikes the town because he finds that everyone pretends to be something they're not. We also learn that Randy's parents, especially his dad, make him participate in activities like Baseball to not only promote his father's company, but to also make him earn trophies and other types of awards just to earn bragging rights. When Jeff asks Randy why he and his friends screwed around with the bikes, Randy confesses that there's nothing else to do in the town besides riding on dirt paths in the woods and going to the video store, all of the stores close early, the girls are stuck up, and the movie theater is too far away.

Randy also suspects that Keith and Troy only hang out with him because their parents make them do so. I really enjoyed this scene because not only do we find out that Randy and Jeff have a few things in common (i.e hating the town, etc) but we also see Randy getting some actual character development! I mean, when it comes to bully characters, especially in these "X The Killer" stories, it's very easy to make them one dimensional villains. But this story made an effort to flesh out one of the bullies and make him feel more sympathetic and human. While I wish the other bullies got some depth as well, this is a step in the right direction in terms of improving on the original story. However, later in the story, there's a scene that really irks me and ties into the Randy and Jeff bonding scene, though I'll explain more on that later.

Another element I liked was the doctor character. In Jeff 2015, the doctor is written as someone who is laidback, competent, and genuinely interested in helping Jeff, as shown in the parts where he gives logical advice to his parents (i.e telling his mother that Jeff needs their support, suggesting what kind of doctor he needs to see and what kind of treatment he needs to be on, etc.) While not everything he says is completely accurate (he suggests seeing an ptometrist- a person trained to diagnose and correct vision problems- when he should've suggested seeing a ophthalmologist- a medical doctor that specializes in eyes- for Jeff's serious eye injury), I still liked the portrayal of the character because, from what I understand, competent and/or friendly doctors are quite rare in Creepypastas so to get a doctor character that's both is actually kind of amazing.

However, there are a few problems I have with this story.

One issue I have with the story is with the pacing. At times, the pacing is way too slow and feels like it goes on forever, even with the story being split into multiple chapters. Now I don't have a problem with slow pacing in general, especially when it's used in Slice of Life stories, and I understand that the pacing might be like this due to the more realistic tone. However, even with that in mind, it still feels like a slog to get through.

Another issue I have with this story is one particular scene that comes after the Randy and Jeff bonding scene. Strap in. This is going to be as long one. So after they begin to bond, Randy and Jeff head down to the garage so Randy can show Jeff something (which turns out to be a flare gun). During the presentation of the gun, Randy starts making comments that make Jeff feel uneasy and when Jeff goes to leave, Keith and Troy block his way. Then we get this, ("Took you two assholes long enough to get here, I’ve had to babysit this faggot all day,” Randy shouted, a wicked joy was present in his words.) For the "Vile Intentions" chapter, it confirms without a doubt that the previous bonding scene was a lie. We see Randy ordering Jeff to let his friends beat him up and we also see him threatening Jeff with the flare gun. Now I'll let you in on a little secret. This is the point where I got really angry. Not only does it not fit with the more realistic tone of the story, but it also goes against what was established in the bonding scene, which was one of the best parts of the story. Now here's how I would do the garage ordeal:

(So I would keep this part mostly the same: {“Check it out, my dad’s flare gun,” Randy announced, and waved the red, tubular gun about.

“Woah, be careful with that!” Jeff shouted, more out of shock than real concern.

“It’s fine dude, don’t be a pussy, it’s not even loaded,” Randy said.} Though, I would write it as though Randy was just playing around with no hint of any ill intent. From this point on, it will be quite different from the original scene.

When Jeff goes into the house to get something to eat, Keith and Troy show up and block Jeff's path and ask Randy, "Hey Randy. What's this faggot doing here?". Randy is surprised to see them, as he didn't expect them to come over. He is nervous but he tries his best to stay calm and responds with, "He just got done apologizing!" Keith then says, "Really?" and Troy asks, "Do you think he meant it?" Randy then chuckles, "Yeah. He was crying like a bitch," as he tries so hard to hide his anxiety.

Troy asks Jeff if he's going to apologize to him and Keith. Jeff growls, "I don't know. Are you going to apologize?" Keith then notices the small red box that the flare gun came in and asks what it is. Randy says that it's his dad's drill kit. Keith asks if he can borrow it and claims that he needs it to tighten the bolts that connect to the pedals on his bike. Randy refuses and says his dad dropped it off at the hardware store to have it fixed. Keith says, "Well in that case, I guess a wrench will work." Troy jumps in and says, "Yes. Let's look for one." The two boys then roughly shove Jeff out of the way and recklessly look for a wrench. When Keith gets to the place where the box is, he knocks it to the ground and the box opens, spilling the flare gun and a couple of flares on the ground. Keith turns around and sees the stuff on the ground and snickers, "Yeah. Drill kit my ass!"

He quickly picks up the gun and flares and Randy orders Keith to put them back in the box. Keith refuses and quickly loads a flare into the gun. Randy orders Keith to put the stuff back in box and Keith says, "Why don't you do it, you whiny bitch?" Randy then rips the gun out of Keith's hand and yells, "Fine!" Troy asks if the flare gun works and Keith asks a similar question. Randy insists that the flare gun works fine but Keith says, "Oh yeah. Prove it." Randy asks how he can do this and Keith signals to Troy to pick Jeff up and restrain him. Troy does this without a hitch and Keith says, "Shoot at him," as he points to Jeff. Randy freezes for a few seconds and Keith says, "Don't worry about it. I saw a guy on TV who got hit with a flare and the worst he got was a blister." However, Randy continues to stay silent before Troy says, "C'mon Randy! I'm not going to be able to hold him forever!" Randy sighs and stares at the gun. Keith then says, "Let's go Rand---" before Randy cuts him off and yells, "Okay! Okay! I'll do it. Jesus Christ!"

Randy raises up the gun and aims it at Jeff. However, Randy freezes again as an internal conflict emerges within him. On the one hand, Randy is afraid that if he doesn't do what Keith and Troy want him to, he might lose his position as leader and become a target of their bullying, which he thinks might consist of getting beat up, having homophobic insults that are worse than "faggot" thrown his way, and having his stuff stolen or vandalized. But on the other hand, he feels that the right thing to do is to not hurt Jeff and stand up for him. As he's weighing his options, Troy and Keith are chanting, "Do it! Do it! Do it!" A few moments later, a tear slides down Randy's face and he shoots, closing his eyes and turning his head to the right in the process.

Jeff screams at the top of his lungs and Troy drops him onto the floor as Jeff clutches his left eye. Keith and Troy are convinced that the flare gun works and praise Randy's supposed flare gun shooting skills. Once Troy and Keith leave, Randy sighs and slowly walks to the bathroom to get the first aid kit. As he does so, he hears the garage door opening, two car doors slamming shut, and the screams of Jeff's mom and his mom.)

In other words, I would make Randy hurt Jeff due to peer pressure from his friends. Not only is it a much more plausible motivation, especially considering the setting of a town that's focused on social climbing and pretending to be someone you're not, but it also humanizes Randy even more.

Now some would argue that lines such as: (He saw Randy, standing there holding the flare gun. It was limp in his hands though, and the hammer was not cocked back. Jeff knew that Randy had no intention of firing it.) and (“Why are you smiling at me, you queer for me or something?” Randy asked, a slight nervous tinge in his voice.) would imply that the story was going for a peer pressure based motivation. However, both lines could just as easily be interpreted as something else. For example, the first line could imply that Jeff sees this as a sign of cowardess rather than as a sign of hesitation. The second line could imply that Randy was scared or intimidated by Jeff's smile.

Now maybe it's because I like more straightfoward writing styles as seen in Catcher in The Rye and The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn but I felt like the writing style was a bit too flowery for my tastes and there's bits of purple prose scattered about. This is best exemplified in the parts where the story describes the desire to kill as a syrupy substance.

In conclusion, this story is quite a mixed bag for me. From what I've read, it's clear that the author put their all into this story and tried their best to, for lack of a better phrase, turn shit into gold. There are parts in this story that I really admire and feel like the effort paid off. However, for every good part in this story, there were at least one or two parts that suck ass.

Now I understand that this story was part of a "Rewrite Jeff the Killer" contest and some of the rules included making the entry match the original storyline as much as possible, finishing and submitting it by a certain date, and keeping the entry to at least 10,000 characters or less (forgive me, I don't quite remember the exact limit) so some of the issues I had with the story could be related to these rules.

Was the original story easy to salvage? No. Was there a lot of effort thrown into this story? Yes. Could this remake have been better if it didn't have to follow the rules of a contest? Eh possibly but I'm not really sure. Now if you like this story, that's fine. More power to you. But for me, it was rather hit and miss.

Overall Grade: C