Memory Seal

When I got there, he had no knowledge of his past. That was the effect of the pollen, I suppose.”

“In part,” said Freyalise. “Let me tell you what the archmage would not have you know. Every century or so, the pain of immortal life becomes too much, and he chooses to forget, to pull the memories of his past from him. To do so, he lowers his protections so that he may build still stronger walls. During that time, he goes a little mad—a little madness to offset a greater one. He loses an important part of himself during this time. If someone had him removed from Lat-Nam during this period, prevented him from using...” The planeswalker was no longer talking to Jaya, but to herself. “Yes, I could see how that would be done.”

(...)

The cavern that had been earlier part of a mountain and was now part of the rime-covered shore, Jodah’s eyes flew open. His mouth gaped wide.

And he screamed, loud and hard and ragged, as all the air went out of him. He took a deep, rasping breath and screamed again.

Jaya shouted, “What did you do to him!”

Freyalise looked at the task mage dispassionately. “I did what you asked. I pulled the pollen from his system. And in doing so I paid off an old debt that I have long owed him.”

“But why...” Jaya bellowed over Jodah’s watery cries, “why is he still screaming?”

Freyalise raised an eyebrow. “Were you not listening? The Archmage Eternal regularly needs to tuck away his memories, his regrets, his human foibles. He is no planeswalker. He cannot do it without going mad. So he strips down his defenses and packs away his memories like old souvenirs in an attic trunk. Whoever sent Jodah into Lim-Dun's clutches did so when he was still in the process of rebuilding those defenses.”

Freyalise looked down at Jodah, now thrashing in place, his fists beating against the cold earthen bench.

“Lim-Dûl used the addictive pollen to keep Jodah’s unbridled memories hidden. Subtle, particularly for him. It was the only thing keeping Jodah from feeling over two millennia of pains, emotions, and memories. In doing what you asked, I pulled that protection from him. He is feeling his memories, his emotions. All of them, at once.”

Jaya’s eyes widened, and she cursed. “You knew!” she spat at Freyalise.

“I suspected,” replied the planeswalker. “But I did as you asked. I granted your heartfelt wish. Now your archmage will live, but his mind may be no more able to take the strain than his body was able to take the strength of the toxin.”

Jaya felt as if the air had been driven from her lungs, as if the blood had been drained from her brain. There was something she should do. After all, this was her fault.

She stammered and said, “You knew he had done this before!”

Freyalise nodded, ignoring the screaming man. “I was one of the few he trusted with such knowledge, regardless of whatever else he thought of me.”

“Then you know how he kept his sanity before?” asked Jaya.

Freyalise tilted her head to one side, and it seemed to Jaya that the planeswalker enjoyed the screams.

“He used a particular device to center himself in such times. It is a simple, though unique, thing that made previous times much less painful than this one.”

***

The Eternal Ice, Chapter 6