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munusmutans

sal/meen forgiveness

munusmutans
Dec 24th, 2017
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  1. -- brackishBarracuda [BB] began trolling dualtoneProtector [DP] at 06:37 --
  2. [06:37] BB: youre still alive over there right
  3. [06:37] DP: h0ly sh1t
  4. [06:38] DP: 1 sh0uld ask y0u the same th1ng.
  5. [06:38] BB: like nothing super extra happened because everything extra just kind of keeps fucking happening
  6. [06:38] DP: Heard ab0ut Fel1de and them. Everyth1ng 0kay?
  7. [06:38] BB: nope!
  8. [06:38] DP: T0 clue y0u 1n; 1 haven't been 0n tumblr 1n ab0ut... Well, s1nce the 1nc1dent w1th Ch0, s0 uh.... That's where 1'm at w1th kn0w1ng th1ngs.
  9. [06:39] DP: But 1've made everyth1ng fest1ve 0ver here, s0 that's g00d.
  10. [06:39] BB: oh you are not at all prepared
  11. [06:39] DP: Ch0's mak1ng g00d f00d, 1'm putt1ng 0n l0ts 0f chub 0n these 0ld b0nes.
  12. [06:39] DP: 1 mean. 1 gue22 1 l00ked at 1t, br1efly, a few n1ghts ag0? L1ke three n1ghts ag0.
  13. [06:40] DP: Fex was a tr1ckster and talk1ng ab0ut g0re, s0 1 l0gged after... f1ve pages 0f backdash1ng?
  14. [06:40] DP: Yuegh.
  15. [06:40] BB: well then youre like just a dash prepared
  16. [06:40] BB: a pinch
  17. [06:40] BB: a pinch prepared
  18. [06:41] BB: a dash is like three pinches its a weird measurment
  19. [06:41] DP: Y0u mean... F1ve dashes prepared? Cause 1 scr0lled d0wn f1ve dash pages, 1
  20. [06:41] DP: That was bad, 1'll st0p.
  21. [06:41] DP: c:E
  22. [06:41] BB: youve said worse
  23. [06:41] DP: Abs0lutely.
  24. [06:41] DP: S0... H0w many energy dr1nks have y0u had?
  25. [06:42] BB: imagine every single possible energy drink
  26. [06:42] DP: S0me 0f th0se chem1cal 1nteract10ns w1ll l1terally k1ll y0u, nerd...? D1d Clams check them all f1rst?
  27. [06:42] DP: d:E
  28. [06:43] BB: every single one i feel like im going to virbate my eyes out of my sockets but you know thatd be more bareable than this
  29. [06:43] DP: Have y0u m1xed them w1th sugar yet? Cause d0n't.
  30. [06:43] BB: )(A
  31. [06:44] BB: )(A)(A)(A
  32. [06:44] BB: BOY YOU )(AV--E NO ID--EA~
  33. [06:44] DP: We may n0t be 0n g00d (Great? 0kay) terms but 1 d0n't want y0u t0.... 0hhh n0.
  34. [06:44] DP: 0000h n0000.
  35. [06:45] DP: N0pe, nah, nuh uh, n0 way, n0.
  36. [06:45] BB: but like
  37. [06:45] BB: same though
  38. [06:45] DP: 1 just remembered l1ke... twenty th1ngs 1've g0t t0 d0, s0
  39. [06:46] BB: i mean if you dont want to deal with me that is really something i do understand
  40. [06:46] BB: i dont want to deal with me
  41. [06:46] BB: that sure is a true fucking thing
  42. [06:47] BB: i cant feel my pusher in my chest anymore
  43. [06:47] BB: its been daaaaaays
  44. [06:47] DP: Clams?
  45. [06:48] BB: doing my fucking damdnest to keep away from him~
  46. [06:48] BB: i love him so much but he doesnt need this
  47. [06:48] BB: i dont know myself!
  48. [06:48] DP: H0w d1d 1t happen?
  49. [06:48] BB: i dont know if ill infect him!!
  50. [06:48] BB: and i CANT )(AV-E T)(AT
  51. [06:49] DP: Why n0t? Maybe 1t'll cheer the fucker up f0r 0nce.
  52. [06:49] BB: NO
  53. [06:49] DP: Hahaha, j0k1ng.
  54. [06:49] BB: that was a terrible fucking joke
  55. [06:49] DP: Yeah, but then aga1n....
  56. [06:49] DP: S0 12 y0u be1ng candy c0ated.
  57. [06:49] BB: i am a terrible fucking joke
  58. [06:50] DP: Please tell me 1t's n0t a fuck1ng cupcake.
  59. [06:50] DP: Y0ur ha1r 12n't p1nk, r1ght?
  60. [06:50] BB: its blue and purple i mean the blue isnt really blue its kind of seathrough but its kind of blue and then purple in the middle im not a fucking cupcake who the hell do you take me for
  61. [06:51] DP: Well, 1 was h0p1ng y0u w0uldn't l00k l1ke Tyf0ra.
  62. [06:51] BB: im sour plum candy with sweet sugar plum in the middle ex fucking cuse you
  63. [06:51] DP: Blue and purple t0gether 12 k1nd 0f pretty.
  64. [06:51] DP: Yeah, that f1ts.
  65. [06:51] BB: i am fucking gorgeous but thats like always
  66. [06:51] BB: then again!!
  67. [06:51] BB: i was fucking!!!!
  68. [06:52] BB: bred that way!!!!!
  69. [06:52] BB: T)(ANKS B-EFORUS
  70. [06:52] DP: 1 th1nk 1f 1 pursed my l1ps any cl0ser t0gether 1'm g01ng t0 end up jabb1ng all 0f my fangs 1nt0 them.
  71. [06:53] BB: theyre such nice lips though
  72. [06:53] DP: Uh?
  73. [06:53] DP: Thanks?
  74. [06:54] -- brackishBarracuda [BB] sent [selfie.png] --
  75. [06:55] DP: N0 thanks.
  76. [06:55] DP: 1 l1ke the 1mage 1 have 0f y0u 1n my head.
  77. [06:55] DP: 1 d0n't need n1ghtmare fuel. And by that 1 d0n't mean 1 th1nk y0u'll l00k h0rr1f1c, 1 mean 1 d0n't need my pan t0 see a p1cture 0f tr1ckster y0u and dec1de t0 put 1t 1n all my n1ghtmares.
  78. [06:55] BB: hey at least if you look at this one you can have someting else to be disappointed in!!
  79. [06:55] DP: What am 1 currently d12app01nted 1n?
  80. [06:56] BB: i am making the biggest cod damn jazz hands
  81. [06:56] DP: And 1 haven't plugged 1nt0 a c0mputer 1n l1ke, s1x per1gees, what d0 y0u want fr0m me.
  82. [06:57] BB: me im saying its me youre disapointed in and i dont know how that sentence works into that at all lmao
  83. [06:57] DP: The mean1ng 0f that 12 that my b0dy and m1nd 12 t1red because 1'm d01ng the fleshy meatbag th1ng 0f "establ12h1ng an actual sleep cycle" 1nstead 0f d01ng what 1 n0rmally d0.
  84. [06:57] DP: s0 my pr0ce220rs aren't f1r1ng 0n all un1ts, 12 what 1 mean.
  85. [06:58] BB: oh well i could have told you that
  86. [06:58] DP: 1 mean, 1'm past d12app01ntment.
  87. [06:58] DP: d12app01ntment was a wh1le ag0.
  88. [06:59] BB: nope it just fucking compounds its not a disappointment then its a disapointment and
  89. [06:59] DP: What 1 mean 12 1 d0n't care?
  90. [06:59] BB: but you do!!
  91. [07:00] BB: you do
  92. [07:00] BB: you do care
  93. [07:00] DP: Apathy 12 the new d12app01ntment.
  94. [07:00] DP: Jazz hands.
  95. [07:00] BB: and youll never really forgive me and i have to live with that and i fucks me up because still love you
  96. [07:01] DP: Ahhh.
  97. [07:01] DP: S0 th12 12 f0r y0u, then.
  98. [07:01] DP: Th12 c0nversat10n.
  99. [07:02] DP: Yeah?
  100. [07:02] DP: T0 help y0ur tr0ubled m1nd.
  101. [07:02] BB: there wasnt a motive when i pestered you if thats what youre asking
  102. [07:02] DP: But n0w, that's what 1t's ab0ut.
  103. [07:03] BB: besides my nails digging into my palms because i m going fucking crazy
  104. [07:03] DP: 1 am g01ng t0 talk, and y0u're g01ng t0 l12ten. 0kay? Unt1l 1 say 1'm d0ne, please d0n't 1nteruppt.
  105. [07:03] BB: it doesnt have to be about anything
  106. [07:03] BB: okay sure
  107. [07:03] BB: its a game!
  108. [07:04] BB: ill shut up
  109. [07:04] DP: S0... 1 d0 care. Yeah. 1 d0. 1 care ab0ut y0u. 1 care ab0ut y0ur fam1ly, 1 care that y0u hurt ch0, 1 care that 0ur negl1gence hurt y0ur fam1ly.
  110. [07:04] DP: 1 care that y0u're tr1ckster, and ab0ut the sh1t happen1ng w1th Fel1de and that bag 0f stuff.
  111. [07:05] DP: 1 d0n't... care ab0ut y0ur f0rg1vene22.
  112. [07:05] DP: 1 d0n't care that y0u're s0rry, 1 d0n't care that y0u feel bad ab0ut 1t.
  113. [07:05] DP: 1t happened.
  114. [07:06] DP: 1 d0n't f0rg1ve y0u. 1 need t1me, and m0re d12cu2210n w1th my m01ra1l ab0ut 1t.
  115. [07:06] DP: 1f y0u kn0w anyth1ng ab0ut me, y0u kn0w h0w 1 h0ld 0nt0 these th1ngs.
  116. [07:06] DP: 1'm ST1LL gett1ng 0ver KD. R0se t00.
  117. [07:07] DP: 1 d0n't really care T0 f0rg1ve y0u, 0r t0 put much th0ught 1nt0 1t.
  118. [07:07] DP: Apathy 12 the new d12app01ntment. 1 t0ld y0u.
  119. [07:07] DP: 1t's really all 1've been feel1ng lately.
  120. [07:07] DP: What w1th the ann1versery 0f th1ngs c0m1ng up.
  121. [07:07] DP: The day we g0t t0gether.
  122. [07:08] DP: The day she d1ed.
  123. [07:08] DP: My hatchday.
  124. [07:08] DP: Etcetera.
  125. [07:08] DP: H0nestly?
  126. [07:08] DP: 1 d0n't have t0 f0rg1ve y0u t0 care f0r y0u, st1ll, even 1f we're n0t fr1ends, even 1f y0u d0n't want t0 be th0se.
  127. [07:09] DP: 1 have m0re th1ngs that... deserve my energy m0re than putt1ng f0rth the eff0rt 0f try1ng t0 wrap my pan ar0und f0rg1v1ng y0u.
  128. [07:09] DP: And 1t 12n't just f0r Ch0's arm.
  129. [07:09] DP: That's n0t all that th12 12 ab0ut.
  130. [07:10] DP: 1t's f0r y0u f1ght1ng me, f0r y0u stabb1ng me, f0r y0u f1ght1ng them, f0r scar1ng V12, f0r scar1ng the k1ds. 1t's f0r the l00k 0n my ch1ldren's faces when 1 t0ld them why they weren't all0wed t0 g0 play w1th y0urs anym0re. The l00k 0n the1r faces when they saw Ch0's m12s1ng arm. When they saw Auraya's burns 0n the ph0t0 y0u p0sted.
  131. [07:12] DP: Maybe 1 w1ll f0rg1ve y0u. Eventually, when 1 have the energy t0 put t0gether w0rds l1ke 1'm d01ng n0w, and have y0u resp0nd t0 them w1th0ut bl0w1ng up 1n my face.
  132. [07:12] DP: We're b0th g01ng t0 l1ve a very l0ng t1me.
  133. [07:12] DP: And 1 d0n't... See myself w1th0ut y0u f0r l0ng. Even 1f 0ur paths leave each 0ther, we'll l1kely keep cr0221ng, even 1f 1t's f0r a sec0nd, even 1f 1t's f0r a week, 0r a year.
  134. [07:13] DP: V12 12 quadded t0 y0u, t00. He's fam1ly, and y0u are t00, but y0u're als0 clade, and f0rg1v1ng y0u 1S s0meth1ng that sh0uld happen....
  135. [07:13] DP: 1 just can't see myself d01ng 1t... n0w.
  136. [07:13] DP: 1 have a l0t 0f th1ngs t0 w0rk thr0ugh.
  137. [07:13] DP: W1th myself, and w1th the k1ds, and w1th Ch0, and w1th V12 and Clams and w1th y0u.
  138. [07:14] DP: 1'm n0t really... d12app01nted 1n y0u anym0re.
  139. [07:14] DP: 1t happened.
  140. [07:14] DP: 1t's 0ver, d0ne w1th.
  141. [07:14] DP: That chapter 0f my l1fe 12 cl0s1ng, y0u kn0w?
  142. [07:14] DP: There's n0... sense 1n dwell1ng 0n th1ngs that make me unhappy.
  143. [07:15] DP: 1 gue22 y0u c0uld call 1t s0meth1ng l1ke me gett1ng 0ver 1t, but 1t's s0meth1ng... 1 feel bad f0r?
  144. [07:15] DP: Because gett1ng 0ver 1t 12n't s0meth1ng... that sh0uld happen. 1 gue22. Maybe 1t's healthy. Maybe 1t's n0t.
  145. [07:16] DP: D12app01ntment was s0meth1ng that was meant f0r me t0 k1nd 0f... sh0w y0u h0w 1 felt, but my feel1ngs are... mechan1cal, and they change a l0t.
  146. [07:16] DP: And... 1t's n0t that 1 d0n't want t0?
  147. [07:16] DP: F0rg1ve y0u, 1 mean.
  148. [07:16] DP: 1 just d0n't want 1t t0 feel... h0ll0w, fake, when 1 d0.
  149. [07:16] DP: 1 want 1t t0 be real, and fr0m my pusher.
  150. [07:17] DP: 1 d0n't want t0 f0rg1ve y0u s0 y0u feel better, and then bl0w up 0n y0u a week later because 1 st1ll have 12sues ab0ut 1t.
  151. [07:18] DP: 1 want t0 f0rg1ve y0u and have 1t be s0meth1ng we can b0th talk ab0ut, w1th0ut be1ng... blame sh1ft1ng and d12app01nted and em0t10nal ab0ut 1t.
  152. [07:18] DP: D0es that make sense?
  153. [07:18] DP: 1 h0pe 1t d0es...
  154. [07:19] DP: 1'm try1ng t0 sh0w... m0re h0w 1 feel ab0ut y0u, 1nstead 0f... h0w 1 felt ab0ut what 1 d1d.
  155. [07:19] DP: 1'm try1ng t0 seperate the tw0, because... they sh0uld be seperated.
  156. [07:20] DP: 1 kept th1nk1ng that me feel1ng bad t0wards y0u and me feel1ng bad t0wards what y0u d1d was the same th1ng, but s1nce 1've had t1me t0 th1nk ab0ut 1t, 1've real1zed that... 1t's s0meth1ng 1 sh0uld keep seperate?
  157. [07:20] DP: Y0u aren't y0ur act10ns, y0u kn0w.
  158. [07:20] DP: Y0u're y0u.
  159. [07:21] DP: Y0u wh0 w0uld c0mf0rt me and rea22ure me and make me feel better w1th y0ur presence al0ne. Y0u d1dn't have t0 d0 anyth1ng t0 help me feel g00d ab0ut myself.
  160. [07:22] DP: 1'm try1ng t0... f1gure 0ut th12 myself. S0rry 1f 1t's all 0ver the place.
  161. [07:23] DP: 1 gue22 my p01nt 12 that m0v1ng 0n fr0m bad th1ngs 12 a g00d th1ng, even 1f apathy 12 a bypr0duct 0f that, 1t'll fade t00, and 1t'll just leave... A s0rt 0f calm, 1 th1nk, and then there'll be r00m f0r f0rg1vene22, rather then the stat1c 0f dwell1ng 0n bad th1ngs.
  162. [07:23] DP: 1 gue22.
  163. [07:23] DP: 1'm d0ne, y0u can talk.
  164. [07:23] BB: you are more than this mess i have made of you
  165. [07:26] BB: sometimes i want !!
  166. [07:26] BB: your forgivness more than i want to be breathing!!!!
  167. [07:27] BB: but that is just so much bullshit
  168. [07:27] BB: me wanting it so bad i mean
  169. [07:28] BB: but also kind of that
  170. [07:29] BB: you are your actions! You are your actions i am a person who loves you and i am a person who stabbed you
  171. [07:29] BB: i am a person who fought you to blood and whos pusher breaks when i think of you i have your blood on my hands ten ways to fucking sunday~
  172. [07:30] BB: i cant be divorced from that i shouldnt be divorced from that you are your actions
  173. [07:31] BB: i dream about you all of the fucking time !! I havent told you
  174. [07:31] BB: i havent told you much though to be fair mostly because every time youre upset with me i cry
  175. [07:33] BB: i am convinced that you wont forgive me though and you probably shouldnt forgive me like ever but more than that you wont ever trust me either and i dont know how im going to keep living with that
  176. [07:33] BB: did you know i feel like death every time i think about that!
  177. [07:33] BB: i do!!
  178. [07:34] BB: aya puts stickers on her scars to feel pretty though and i still dont know if i regret it
  179. [07:35] DP: 1 used t0 put makeup 0n m1ne.
  180. [07:35] DP: Scars are pretty awful th1ngs.
  181. [07:35] BB: i didnt use to think they were~
  182. [07:35] BB: I still dont!
  183. [07:35] BB: they mean you survived youre alive you fucking made it you know??
  184. [07:35] DP: There are scars 0n me 1 w0uld rel1ve a hundred th0usand t1mes, f0r what they mean, and represent.
  185. [07:36] BB: but looking at my daughter i know exactly how terrible they can be
  186. [07:36] DP: 1've carr1ed Kad's f1rst set 0f wh1pp1ng scars f0r my ent1re l1fe, and 1'd st1ll take the rest fr0m h1m 1f 1 c0uld.
  187. [07:36] BB: she survived but she shouldnt have fucking had to
  188. [07:37] DP: Scars d0n't mean that y0u surv1ved, y0u made 1t, t0 me. T0 me, scars mean... gr0wth.
  189. [07:37] BB: you shouldnt have to have them~
  190. [07:37] BB: to grow~
  191. [07:37] DP: They mean l00k1ng back 0n years and past w0unds, and kn0w1ng h0w y0u've gr0wn. Remember1ng th0se s1tuat10ns and what y0u m1ght have d0ne better, 0r what y0u c0uld have d0ne w0rse.
  192. [07:38] BB: thats super fucked up~
  193. [07:38] DP: 12 1t?
  194. [07:38] DP: Scars are past-tense th1ngs. Y0u m0ve 0n fr0m them, but y0u carry them w1th y0u, l1ke mem0r1es.
  195. [07:38] DP: They can be g00d 0r bad.
  196. [07:38] BB: theyre fucked!
  197. [07:39] DP: Even the g00d 0nes?
  198. [07:39] DP: Even the 0nes 0n y0ur c0llarb0ne, where y0u saved Clams' l1fe?
  199. [07:40] BB: im not talking about my scars thats naut fair~
  200. [07:40] DP: 0r the 0nes 0n y0ur hand. 0r the 0nes fr0m the b0lt, where y0u saved my 0wn l1fe, m0re than l1kely.
  201. [07:40] DP: 0kay, let's talk ab0ut m1ne, then.
  202. [07:40] BB: nobody else should have them is what im saying
  203. [07:40] DP: And y0u're wr0ng.
  204. [07:40] BB: nobody i care about should have them
  205. [07:41] DP: St1ll wr0ng.
  206. [07:41] BB: i need more
  207. [07:43] DP: 1 d0n't kn0w Clams well en0ugh t0 kn0w the st0r1es beh1nd m0st 0f h12 scars. But th1nk 0f them and what they're fr0m. 1 can tell y0u 1'm pers0nally resp0ns1ble f0r seventy percent 0f V12' scars.
  208. [07:43] DP: Cause 1 keep break1ng h12 r1bs. Cause he kept be1ng 1n the wr0ng place at the wr0ng t1me f0r a wh1le.
  209. [07:44] BB: hey so like how is it he can be in the wrong place at the wrong time and be scared all to hell and me not like
  210. [07:44] BB: hate you
  211. [07:44] DP: 1 mean, m0st 0f them were acc1dents. The tw0 t1mes 1 threw h1m thr0ugh and 1nt0, th0ugh. Yeah. My fault ent1rely f0r th0se.
  212. [07:44] BB: like why is that
  213. [07:45] DP: thr0ugh and 1nt0 a wall** ]]
  214. [07:45] DP: Can y0u rew0rd that? My pan's hav1ng tr0uble pr0ce221ng 1t.
  215. [07:45] BB: you hurt people i love a lot and i dont hate you and i dont know why that is
  216. [07:46] DP: Yeah, 1 never underst00d 1t e1ther.
  217. [07:46] DP: 1 mean, 1 br0ke Clams n0se, 1 burned h1m... tw1ce? Threw v12 thr0ugh and 1nt0 a wall... tw1ce. Hurt y0u L0ADS 0f t1mes.
  218. [07:46] BB: you just told me you were responsible for seventy percent of viss scars and i dont hate you and like
  219. [07:47] DP: 1 never underst00d why y0u d1dn't just... hate me. 1 k1nd 0f w12h y0u had, 0r been angry w1th me, because then 1 w0uld have kn0wn were the b0undar1es were.
  220. [07:47] DP: Well, y0u d0n't hate Clams, and he fuck1ng sh0t h1m, remember that?
  221. [07:47] BB: i guess i just expected better of you
  222. [07:47] DP: 1 1mag1ne 1t's a b1t l1ke that.
  223. [07:48] DP: 1'm reckle22 and destruct1ve and 1 l1ke a s1de 0f pa1n and punn1ng w1th my anger, c0me 0n n0w.
  224. [07:48] BB: but like
  225. [07:48] BB: there wasnt a good reason for any of the shit you hurt them for
  226. [07:48] DP: 1've had anger 12sues s1nce 1 was a fuck1ng wr1ggler, y0u kn0w? D0n't kn0w h0w y0u can expect better 0f me kn0w1ng that.
  227. [07:49] DP: Actually 1'm pretty just1f1ed 1n break1ng clams n0se and burn1ng h1m that 0ne t1me, because PTSD and halluc1nat10ns suck, and he barged 1nt0 my bedr00m w1th0ut warn1ng.
  228. [07:49] BB: how is that different
  229. [07:50] DP: 1 mean, HE had a g00d reas0n f0r d01ng that, but 1 d1dn't kn0w that, 1 just th0ught he was part 0f the Empre22's f0rces, c0me t0 put me back 1nt0 a helm?
  230. [07:50] DP: D1fferent then what?
  231. [07:51] DP: V12 th0ugh, yeah, n0. And 1 mean, we have g0tten 1n a few scraps s1nce then, but g00d natured 0nes. L1ke f1ght1ng 0ver the last p1ece 0f blueberry p1e.
  232. [07:53] BB: i was terrified and angry beyond controll when i showed up on that port pad thinking they had hurt my litteral actual baby kid an its not like its the first time somebodys tried to hurt one of our kids or like somebodys tried to hurt me and mine so im not sure how different it is really
  233. [07:55] DP: The d1fference 12 that y0u weren't there t0 f1ght me 0ff 0f burn1ng h1m 0r break1ng h12 n0se. Y0u sent h1m there t0 get me after 0ur argument, and the way 1 saw 1t, 1t was mal1c10us and w1th 1ntent.
  234. [07:55] DP: 0r... s0meth1ng l1ke that. That was h0w 1 saw 1t, at least.
  235. [07:56] BB: and i saw it like somebody had hurt my kid and i needed to get them away and i didnt know what threat i was going into you know
  236. [07:56] BB: and yeah thats kind of stupid now sure but like
  237. [07:56] BB: that was how i saw it
  238. [07:56] DP: The d1fference, Meenah, 12 that 0ne was w1th 1ntent and the 0ther was an acc1dent.
  239. [07:56] DP: And 0ne d1dn't result 1n ma1m1ng.
  240. [07:57] DP: 1t's n0t l1ke 1 gave h1m scars l1ke Ayas.
  241. [07:57] BB: i didnt show up with the intent
  242. [07:57] DP: Yes y0u d1d.
  243. [07:57] BB: i didnt though
  244. [07:57] DP: But n0t l1ke the 0ther.
  245. [07:58] DP: 1 th1nk y0u c0nfused them.
  246. [07:58] BB: the other what
  247. [08:00] DP: The 0ne w1th 1ntent was the 0ne where y0u sent clams t0 drag me t0 the l1ghth1ve and d1dn't care h0w r0ugh he had t0 get, and h12 be1ng hurt was a d1rect result 0f that 1ntent. And the 0ther be1ng an acc1dent, where an0ther ch1ld hurt Auraya and y0u a22umed Ch0s12 d1d 1t and cut 0ff the1r fuck1ng arm.
  248. [08:01] BB: are you telling me i shouldnt have sent sombody after you
  249. [08:02] DP: 1f Ch0s12 had been l1v1ng w1th me and m01ra1ls w1th me at the t1me y0u sent Clams 0ver t0 k1dnap me, 1 th1nk a s1m1l1ar s1tuat10n m1ght have happened w1th that, l1ke the 0ne w1th Auraya. Just be glad 1 was t00 weak t0 put up much 0f a f1ght.
  250. [08:02] DP: 1'm tell1ng y0u that the tw0 s1tuat10ns are d1fferent w1th regards t0 y0u.
  251. [08:03] DP: 0ne was an acc1dent and 0ne was 0n purp0se.
  252. [08:04] DP: But... 1 gue22 1 see where y0u're c0m1ng fr0m.
  253. [08:04] BB: but both are my fault because you werent in your right mind for one and i wasnt in mine for the other
  254. [08:04] DP: B0th 0f us hurt pe0ple because we were 0ut 0f c0ntr0l.
  255. [08:05] BB: if you do managed to forgive me dont seperate my shit
  256. [08:05] BB: i am my shit
  257. [08:05] DP: The f1rst 0ne was actually Clams' fault, because he sh0uld kn0w better than t0 barge 1nt0 my (Me!) bedr00m w1th0ut warn1ng 1n a t1me where 1 th0ught 1 was 1n danger.
  258. [08:06] DP: 1 mean th12 was what, 0nly barely half a sweep s1nce the helm?
  259. [08:06] DP: 1 was s0... s0 much w0rse 0ff then 1 am n0w.
  260. [08:06] BB: you were which is why i had to send him after you to keep you safe like
  261. [08:06] BB: you know that right
  262. [08:06] DP: And auraya was all 0f 0ur faults.
  263. [08:06] DP: 1 d0 n0w, yeah.
  264. [08:06] DP: At the t1me, 1 st1ll th0ught he was g01ng t0 put me 1n a r1g.
  265. [08:07] DP: Well, actually, let me rephrase.
  266. [08:07] DP: Auraya wasn't y0ur fault. 1t was m1ne and Ch0's.
  267. [08:08] DP: Even Ch0's arm 12 debatable, 1f y0u really want t0 g0 there.
  268. [08:08] BB: i dont!
  269. [08:08] BB: i dont ever want to go there again!
  270. [08:08] DP: Y0u st1ll stabbed me th0ugh.
  271. [08:08] DP: And then y0u left us b0th f0r dead.
  272. [08:08] DP: That was n1ce.
  273. [08:09] BB: you can talk to dirk if you want
  274. [08:09] BB: hes where i went
  275. [08:09] DP: And 1 went t0 N1cc0s.
  276. [08:09] BB: but like
  277. [08:09] BB: she was screaming
  278. [08:09] DP: And 1 sat 0uts1de the med1cal r00m d00r and bled 0ut unt1l Abby came t0 patch me up.
  279. [08:10] DP: 1 kn0w she was.
  280. [08:10] DP: She's 1n my n1ghtmares.
  281. [08:10] BB: mine too!
  282. [08:11] BB: ive been dreaming a whole lot recently and none
  283. [08:11] BB: not a one
  284. [08:11] BB: of them are good dreams
  285. [08:11] DP: Yeah, same.
  286. [08:11] DP: 1 keep dream1ng 0f be1ng helmed aga1n.
  287. [08:11] DP: 1t's really n1ce t0 have y0ur dreams make y0u d0ubt y0ur real1ty.
  288. [08:11] DP: 1t's fun.
  289. [08:11] BB: sure is!!
  290. [08:12] BB: its a reel fucking JOY
  291. [08:12] DP: Ugh.
  292. [08:12] BB: did you know that like
  293. [08:13] BB: two nights this past month ive woken up thinking i was going to be waking up to next to kurloz!
  294. [08:13] BB: its been a hell of a fucking month~
  295. [08:14] DP: That's fuck1ng terr1ble.
  296. [08:14] DP: 1'm s0rry.
  297. [08:14] DP: Gr1ev1ng... 1t's 0ne hell 0f a pr0ce22.
  298. [08:15] DP: 1t'll be... A sweep and a half, th12 next few per1gees? S0meth1ng l1ke that, 1f my pan 12n't fuck1ng up dates aga1n.
  299. [08:15] BB: it can kiss my sugarplum ass
  300. [08:15] DP: ... 1 really am, y0u kn0w. S0rry.
  301. [08:15] DP: What?
  302. [08:16] BB: grief i mean!!
  303. [08:17] DP: 0h.
  304. [08:17] DP: Yeah. Def1n1tely.
  305. [08:17] DP: ... 12 th12 g00d?
  306. [08:17] DP: Th12 c0nversat10n.
  307. [08:18] BB: ask me again when my hands arent shaking!!!!!!!!
  308. [08:18] BB: ive been still for too lonnnnng i need to keep baking im running out of room i need to keep busy
  309. [08:19] DP: St0p bak1ng, and start d01ng 0ther c0nfect10nary th1ngs.
  310. [08:19] BB: this is all i can focus on
  311. [08:19] DP: ... Part 0f me says 1 st1ll want t0 talk t0 y0u ab0ut th12 sh1t.
  312. [08:20] BB: well i cant lie!!
  313. [08:20] BB: i cannt fucking lie
  314. [08:21] DP: ... Can 1 at least get y0u t0 untr1ckster y0urself at s0me p01nt s0 y0u can d0 yule w1th Ch0 and 1 l1ke they want?
  315. [08:21] DP: What d1d y0u see when 1 was try1ng t0 st0p y0u fr0m hurt1ng them?
  316. [08:21] BB: i dont know how i dont know how i dontknow how
  317. [08:21] DP: At s0me p01nt. N0t th12 sec0nd.
  318. [08:22] BB: i didnt see
  319. [08:23] DP: N0th1ng at all?
  320. [08:24] BB: all i saw was auraya and my pusher in my ears when she wasnt screaming i mean i wasnt exactly thinking
  321. [08:25] DP: 1 kn0w. But what ab0ut after?
  322. [08:25] BB: how soon after
  323. [08:26] DP: When y0u were at D1rks. Y0u d1dn't c0me back. Y0u d1dn't even try t0 talk t0 e1ther 0f us... t0 my mem0ry, at least.
  324. [08:26] DP: ... 1 mean, 1 was fucked f0r a week 0r m0re.
  325. [08:26] DP: D0uble 112, the wh0le shebang.
  326. [08:26] DP: S0 1 m1ght have m12sed... s0meth1ng. But 1 d0n't th1nk 1 d1d.
  327. [08:27] BB: you didnt because i didnt because i panicked when it took their arm and i was pretty like
  328. [08:27] BB: not talky when i was with dirk
  329. [08:27] BB: he took care of aya
  330. [08:27] BB: hes the only reason those scars arent worse
  331. [08:28] BB: i was on his floor for a while
  332. [08:29] BB: hey i love him
  333. [08:29] DP: 0h.
  334. [08:29] DP: But what ab0ut after.
  335. [08:30] DP: Why d1dn't y0u try unt1l... 1 mean, why d1d 1t take y0u s0 l0ng?
  336. [08:30] DP: ... What are y0ur feel1ngs t0wards Ch0s12.
  337. [08:30] BB: i was pretty like
  338. [08:30] BB: terrified?
  339. [08:30] BB: i was pretty terrifed and like
  340. [08:31] BB: after that bit i also really kind of wanted you to beat me up
  341. [08:32] BB: no i really really wanted you to fuck me up
  342. [08:32] BB: pike im naut stupid i know what i did
  343. [08:33] BB: i dont trust chosis and probably never will!!!
  344. [08:35] BB: i dont wanna talk about them anymore~
  345. [08:36] DP: Why n0t?
  346. [08:36] DP: Ch0s12 called y0u r1ght away when 1t happened.
  347. [08:36] DP: They d1dn't pers0nally burn y0ur ch1ld.
  348. [08:37] DP: They d1d everyth1ng they c0uld d0 pr0perly and y0u came 0ver and fuck1ng ma1med them.
  349. [08:37] DP: 1 mean 1 get 1t.
  350. [08:37] DP: But 1'm st1ll upset.
  351. [08:37] DP: 1 d0n't get the trust th1ng th0ugh.
  352. [08:37] DP: 1 d0n't get h0w y0u can st1ll trust me, h0w y0u can st1ll trust me wh0 hurt Clams and V12 and n0t them.
  353. [08:38] BB: because youre mine
  354. [08:39] DP: 1 d0n't bel0ng t0 any0ne except Ch0s12. And 1f y0u d0n't trust them, y0u sh0uldn't trust me.
  355. [08:40] DP: 1'm read1ng th12 c0nversat10n and 1'm th1nk1ng 0f h0w bad 1t w0uld be f0r V12 t0 read 1t.
  356. [08:41] DP: Just because 1 kn0w h0w he feels 0n th12 sh1t t00.
  357. [08:41] BB: im not having a conversation with vis im having one with you
  358. [08:41] BB: so like
  359. [08:41] BB: dont fucking guilt me with that shit
  360. [08:42] DP: 1'm n0t y0urs.
  361. [08:42] DP: 1'll gu1lt y0u w1th whatever 1 l1ke 1f y0u try t0 pull that sh1t w1th me.
  362. [08:42] BB: what shit
  363. [08:43] DP: The "1 trust y0u because y0u're m1ne and 1'm 1mply1ng 1 kn0w y0ur l1m1ts and y0ur b0undar1es better than y0u d0" sh1t.
  364. [08:44] BB: wow okay thats not what i meant at all but alright
  365. [08:46] DP: 1 th1nk y0u're f0rgett1ng that 1 d0n't have t0 treat y0u n1cely. 1'm n0t 0bl1gated t0 be n1ce t0 the pers0n wh0 cut 0ff my m01ra1ls ent1re arm and left them f0r dead. 1f that's n0t h0w y0u meant 1t, then y0u'd better clar1fy, because that's h0w 1 t00k 1t.
  366. [08:46] BB: oh yeah and threatning me is gonna fix eeeeverything
  367. [08:46] BB: i meant
  368. [08:46] DP: 1 d0n't kn0w the.. extent 0f what y0ur tr1ckster sh1t d0es, Meenah.
  369. [08:47] DP: 1 feel l1ke th12 c0uld be a wh0le damn d1fferent pers0n and 1'd never fuck1ng kn0w.
  370. [08:47] BB: sal ive spent the last few days just like
  371. [08:48] BB: having a blast in the kitchen and ive got pans on the floor and ive burned myself at least twelve times trying to keep myself busy and away from the people i love because i dont reely fucking know me either!!!
  372. [08:48] BB: i would hope!!!
  373. [08:48] BB: that that gives me like points or something
  374. [08:49] DP: Hah, same th0ugh.
  375. [08:49] DP: Ser10usly, then. What d1d y0u mean w1th the m1ne stuff. Y0u trust me because 1'm y0urs? What the hell. 1t d0esn't make sense.
  376. [08:54] DP: 1t's... 1 trust Ch0 because 1'm Ch0's. Clams trusts y0u because he's y0urs.
  377. [08:54] DP: 1t's the.. pr0tect10n th1ng. 1 trust pe0ple 1 feel pr0tected by.
  378. [08:55] DP: 1 d0n't get 1t, when 1t's v1ce versa.
  379. [08:55] DP: 1 mean that's.. k1nd 0f what trust 12. Y0u trust them n0t t0 hurt y0u, 0r y0u trust them t0 pr0tect y0u fr0m 0ther dangers.
  380. [08:55] DP: 1 d0n't get h0w y0u trust s0me0ne because they're y0urs.
  381. [08:56] BB: youve been in my head
  382. [08:56] BB: ive been in yours
  383. [08:56] BB: weve seen the shit weve been through
  384. [08:57] BB: i pulled out of the rig with my own two hands and you were the first person i spoke to when i was mourning loz
  385. [08:57] BB: i layed on your chest on the kitchen table
  386. [08:58] BB: we got high in your coon because we couldnt deal with the world
  387. [08:58] BB: whatever we are whatever this is beyond the grid
  388. [08:59] BB: i have always loved you sally
  389. [08:59] DP: And y0u st1ll w0uldn't talk t0 me, even after everyth1ng, even after y0u felt l1ke y0u c0uld talk, because... Y0u th0ught 1 w0uld hurt y0u.
  390. [08:59] BB: i deserved to be hurt and i was afraid
  391. [08:59] DP: D0 y0u real1ze h0w much that hurt me?
  392. [09:00] DP: Yes, 1 was angry, yes, 1 wanted t0 hurt y0u, but y0u th0ught 1 w0uld t0 the extent that y0u guys l0cked me 0ut 0f the secur1ty system and 1'm a22um1ng clams put 0n h12 arm0r and d1dn't sleep f0r l1ke a week?
  393. [09:01] DP: 1 mean.
  394. [09:01] DP: Y0u were 1n y0ur r1ght m1nd then, yeah?
  395. [09:01] DP: Y0u st1ll d1dn't talk t0 me, y0u sa1d y0u pan1cked, 1 gue22 y0u must have really pan1cked then.
  396. [09:02] BB: once upon a time i would have swallowed that and gone to you anyway but hes your moirail and i dont know where that leaves me anymore
  397. [09:04] DP: 1t left y0u t0 be Meen.
  398. [09:04] DP: 1t left y0u t0 be my best fr1end.
  399. [09:04] DP: 1t left y0u t0 be s0me0ne 1 c0uld c0unt 0n even 1f 1 c0uldn't c0unt 0n my 0wn m01ra1l.
  400. [09:05] BB: you say that
  401. [09:05] DP: When they were asleep, and 1 d1dn't want t0 b0ther them, when they were away 0r when they were n0t 1n the r1ght m1ndset.
  402. [09:05] BB: you say that to me and still wonder how i can say i trust one and not the other
  403. [09:05] DP: That's because all that 12 past tense.
  404. [09:06] DP: 1 d0n't kn0w where 1t leaves y0u anym0re e1ther, 1n th12 sec0nd 0f t1me. But then, that's where 1t left y0u, and y0u just d1dn't d0 anyth1ng w1th 1t.
  405. [09:06] DP: Y0u're n0t LESS because 1 have m0re than 1 d1d.
  406. [09:06] DP: Y0u're n0t any le22 0f a tr0ll than y0u were when 1 was al0ne.
  407. [09:07] BB: i was the most important person to you once upon a time and i miss that
  408. [09:07] DP: My gr0wth d0esn't mean y0ur help means le22 t0 me.
  409. [09:07] BB: i miss knowing exactly where i was with you and pike
  410. [09:07] DP: Y0u m12s me putt1ng y0u 0n a pedestal?
  411. [09:07] DP: Seems a b1t wr0ng, f0r s0me0ne wh0 d0esn't want t0 be w0rsh1pped.
  412. [09:07] DP: d:E
  413. [09:08] BB: shove that in my face thanks
  414. [09:08] BB: right in the pie
  415. [09:08] DP: My gr0wth d0es n0t mean that y0ur help means any le22 t0 me, Meenah. Y0u were st1ll 1mp0rtant t0 me, y0u st1ll are n0w.
  416. [09:09] DP: Y0u w1ll always h0ld a place 1n my pusher, even 1f we say g00dbye.
  417. [09:09] DP: ... but.... Yeah.
  418. [09:09] BB: do you realize this is how you sounded way back before when you kept asking me about your place in my life
  419. [09:09] DP: Y0u were the m0st 1mp0rtant pers0n t0 me because 1 rel1ed 0n y0u t00 much, and 1t... Hurt, when y0u d1dn't... d0 the same.
  420. [09:10] DP: N0, because 1 d0n't understand the quest10n.
  421. [09:10] DP: Pr0ce221ng w0rds 12 hard.
  422. [09:10] DP: Help a tr0ll 0ut.
  423. [09:10] BB: back when you relied on me pike back in the begining when we were first figuring this out
  424. [09:11] DP: L1ke back when 1 w0re y0ur symb0l 0n my sh1rt?
  425. [09:11] DP: 0r after that.
  426. [09:11] DP: T1meframes are we1rd back then.
  427. [09:12] DP: 12 th12 bef0re 1 cracked 0ne 0f my h0rns, bef0re Ch0s12, 0r 12 th12 after Ch0s12, but bef0re the k1ds?
  428. [09:12] BB: you used to get upset and wonder about your place in my life and i kept trying to tell you that you were my last line of defense and that u were important and you never believed me
  429. [09:12] DP: 0h, that t1meframe.
  430. [09:12] DP: 1 mean. 1 was pretty fucked up 1n the head back then t00, but 1 st1ll l0ved y0u.
  431. [09:13] DP: 1 w0nder ab0ut my place 1n every0ne's l1ves n0wadays, s0 d0n't feel t00 left 0ut. d:E
  432. [09:13] BB: i mean im you now
  433. [09:13] DP: 0hhh.
  434. [09:13] DP: 0h, 1 get 1t.
  435. [09:13] DP: 1 understand, 1 get 1t.
  436. [09:14] DP: P1ng, m0ment 0f clar1f1cat10n!
  437. [09:14] DP: g0t 1t.
  438. [09:14] DP: 1'll...
  439. [09:14] DP: Put 1t really s1mply.
  440. [09:14] BB: did i ever tell you that clams even talked to me about quadding you pale back then
  441. [09:14] DP: wa
  442. [09:14] DP: wa1t what?
  443. [09:14] BB: like i mena
  444. [09:14] BB: that came out weird
  445. [09:14] DP: ???? Expla1n????
  446. [09:14] DP: Clams was pale f0r me?????????
  447. [09:15] BB: he talked to me about letting me double quad with him in my pale and you in my pale also back before i like
  448. [09:15] DP: N0, 1 get 1t.
  449. [09:15] BB: you know
  450. [09:15] BB: did that
  451. [09:15] DP: Yeah.
  452. [09:15] DP: Was th12 after 1 wanted t0 be red w1th y0u, 0r bef0re?
  453. [09:16] BB: i dont even actually remember
  454. [09:16] DP: ... 0ur quads w1th each 0ther are s0 me22ed up, damn.
  455. [09:16] DP: L12ten, th0ugh.
  456. [09:16] DP: 1'll put th12... really s1mply.
  457. [09:16] DP: D0n't speak t1ll 1'm d0ne, 0kay, 0r 1'll l0se my tra1n 0f th0ught.
  458. [09:17] DP: Bef0re the 1nc1dent, 1 d1dn't kn0w where 1 st00d w1th y0u.
  459. [09:17] DP: 1 talked t0 Ch0 ab0ut 1t all the t1me.
  460. [09:17] DP: 1 th0ught y0u were leav1ng me beh1nd, 0r that y0u d1dn't want anyth1ng t0 d0 w1th me because 0f Ch0.
  461. [09:17] DP: 1 wasn't sure.
  462. [09:17] DP: And all 1 wanted...
  463. [09:18] DP: Was th12 l1ttle b1t 0f, "Hey dumba22, 0f c0urse 1 st1ll want y0u 1n my l1fe", even 1f y0u had t0 be rude ab0ut 1t.
  464. [09:18] DP: 1 just wanted that rea22urance.
  465. [09:18] DP: But y0u never.. gave that. all 1 g0t was "1 d0n't kn0w what t0 tell y0u", and... 1 pan1cked.
  466. [09:18] DP: And 1 t0ld Ch0 ab0ut 1t, and 1 dec1ded... 1t w0uld be best 1f 1 just... d1dn't talk t0 y0u anym0re.
  467. [09:19] DP: 1 w0uld let y0u c0me t0 me 1f y0u... wanted t0.
  468. [09:19] DP: 1 h0ped y0u w0uld.
  469. [09:19] DP: But 1n my head...
  470. [09:19] DP: We weren't fr1ends.
  471. [09:19] DP: 1t was s0meth1ng y0u d1dn't want.
  472. [09:19] DP: 1 was s0meth1ng y0u d1dn't want.
  473. [09:19] DP: And 1 pan1cked, and 1 pan1cked hard l1ke y0u kn0w 1 d0.
  474. [09:20] DP: and 1 gue22 1 k1nd 0f... th0ught maybe we were hes1tant fr1ends?
  475. [09:20] DP: L1ke 1 was g01ng t0 c0unt y0u as 1t, even th0ugh 1 already had a breakd0wn, even th0ugh 1 felt l1ke 1'd l0st my l1ght.
  476. [09:20] DP: Cause, even w1th all 0ur arguments, that's what y0u were t0 me.
  477. [09:21] DP: A l1ght. Gu1d1ng and there, always there t0 rem1nd me that my dark places aren't always... dark.
  478. [09:21] DP: That 1 can be better. That 1 AM better.
  479. [09:21] DP: And then l1ke...
  480. [09:21] DP: And then the 1nc1dent happened.
  481. [09:21] DP: And just... 1mag1ne, f0r a sec0nd.
  482. [09:22] DP: 1mag1ne that f0r a m1nute when y0u walked 1n the d00r, my m1nd sh1fted t0 "1f she th1nks we're n0t fr1ends, she's n0t g01ng t0 care 1f she hurts me t0 get t0 ch0s12".
  483. [09:22] DP: And then y0u d1dn't. Seem t0 care.
  484. [09:22] DP: 1f y0u hurt me t0 get t0 them.
  485. [09:22] DP: And 1t s0l1d1f1ed 1t 1n my head.
  486. [09:22] DP: We weren't.
  487. [09:22] DP: And 1 k1nd 0f br0ke.
  488. [09:23] DP: And 1 tr1ed t0 wrap my head ar0und 1t. That we weren't anym0re.
  489. [09:23] DP: That my l1fe was dark, and even th0ugh 1 had my r0ck t0 hang 0nt0, 1 st1ll felt l0st, adr1ft 1n the w1nd.
  490. [09:23] DP: 1 was the k1te and ch0 was the 0ne h0ld1ng the str1ng.
  491. [09:24] DP: And then y0u d1dn't talk t0 me. And 1 grew t0 be angry. And b1tter.
  492. [09:24] DP: And 1 d1dn't kn0w what the hell my em0t10ns were fuck1ng d01ng.
  493. [09:24] DP: 1 retreated a l1ttle, 1 kn0w, 1 d0n't.
  494. [09:24] DP: Remember.
  495. [09:24] DP: 1 d0n't even remember 0ur f1rst c0nversat10n.
  496. [09:24] DP: Afterwards, 1 mean.
  497. [09:24] DP: And 1 just k1nd 0f... Grew t0... adapt.
  498. [09:25] DP: Apath1c. D12app01nted, f1rst.
  499. [09:25] DP: 1 tr1ed s0 hard t0... F1nd ways t0 keep be1ng mad at y0u.
  500. [09:25] DP: S0 1 w0uldn't have t0 talk t0 y0u, s0 1 w0uldn't have t0 hear y0u tell me what 1 knew already t0 be true.
  501. [09:25] DP: 1 tr1ed s0 hard t0 push myself away fr0m y0u.
  502. [09:26] DP: R1ght n0w, 1n th12 m0ment... 1 th1nk we're fr1ends. But 1 d0n't th1nk we're at the same level that we were. The gr0und 12 a l1ttle unsteady, the l1ghth0use 12 fl1cker1ng a b1t. 1 d0n't kn0w. 1 want t0 kn0w, but 1 d0n't kn0w.
  503. [09:27] DP: 1 st1ll d0n't f0rg1ve y0u, even 1f 1 understand a b1t m0re n0w.
  504. [09:27] DP: 1 tr1ed t0 rew1re my pan s0 1 w0uldn't have t0 feel bad ab0ut n0t f0rg1v1ng y0u, because 1'm a healthy 1nd1v1dual wh0 d0es the r1ght th1ng all the t1me.
  505. [09:27] DP: S0 1 gue22 1'll need t0 w0rk 0n that s0me m0re.
  506. [09:28] DP: But 1 th1nk we're l1ke... At the halfway p01nt 0f th12 g0damn m0unta1n we made.
  507. [09:28] DP: 1 gue22 1t k1nd 0f depends 0n what y0u say, r1ght n0w. N0 pre22ure, hahahaha. ugh.
  508. [09:30] DP: Wh1ch 12 t0 say, 1'm d0ne aga1n, and 1'm s0rry 1t was k1nd 0f rambly, and that 1 sw1tched fr0m th1nk1ng we weren't fr1ends t0 be1ng hes1tant 0nes because l1ke... 1 wanted t0 h0pe, s0mewhere 1n between th0se m0ments, and dec1ded 1t w0uld be best 1f 1 d1d h0pe a l1ttle.
  509. [09:31] DP: s0, uh.
  510. [09:31] DP: y0u can talk.
  511. [09:31] BB: im gonna try to be a little bit organized here
  512. [09:32] BB: one
  513. [09:32] BB: how can you still call me your light after everything that happend how is that physically able to come out of your mouth i dont understand
  514. [09:32] BB: two
  515. [09:33] BB: that was never about not being your friend that was just part of whatever fight we were having and pike
  516. [09:33] BB: me being just kind of blown away that you could efin think that were werent
  517. [09:34] BB: pike if you didnt have the faith in us that we still were kind of deal
  518. [09:34] BB: i was very angry and very tired
  519. [09:34] BB: did not make the best decisions
  520. [09:35] BB: but it hurt that you had to ask i guess its been a while
  521. [09:36] BB: i dont efin remember what we were fighting about
  522. [09:36] BB: but
  523. [09:36] BB: like
  524. [09:36] BB: three
  525. [09:36] BB: i still love you
  526. [09:38] BB: efin angry tired scared meenah whos not been candy coated in bullshit~
  527. [09:39] BB: i mean shes still pike up to her fins in doubt and blame and self loating and by her i mean me but
  528. [09:39] BB: i still love you
  529. [09:40] BB: thats all i wanted to comment on i think
  530. [09:40] DP: 1'll be just as 0rgan1zed as y0u, then, f0r easy read1ng.
  531. [09:44] DP: 0ne. 1 can st1ll call y0u my l1ght because 0f what that represents. n0 matter 1f y0u hate me 0r l0ve me, y0u're st1ll g01ng t0 be s0me0ne very 1mp0rtant t0 me. VERY 1mp0rtant.
  532. [09:44] DP: tw0.
  533. [09:45] DP: 1 d0n't remember what we were f1ght1ng ab0ut e1ther. 1 th1nk 1t was just a c0mb1nat10n 0f my paran01a and 0ther bullsh1t. 1'm glad t0 hear that y0u, t00, d1d n0t make the best dec1210ns... but 1t hurt me t0 have t0 ask, yeah, t00.
  534. [09:45] DP: three.
  535. [09:45] DP: 1 st1ll l0ve y0u. ... yeah. 1 d0. heck1ng l0ve y0u, meen.
  536. [09:45] DP: and f0ur! uh
  537. [09:46] DP: 1'm s0rry
  538. [09:46] DP: yeah.
  539. [09:46] DP: we... g00d?
  540. [09:46] DP: are we g00d
  541. [09:46] BB: so it actually kind of physically hurts to cry like this
  542. [09:47] DP: 1 mean 1'm cry1ng t00
  543. [09:47] BB: i mean like candy me doesnt like crying apparently it actually hurts
  544. [09:48] DP: 0h, n0...
  545. [09:52] BB: im okay~
  546. [09:52] BB: im fine~
  547. [09:53] DP: ):E
  548. [09:54] DP: 1
  549. [09:54] DP: 1 w0uld l1ke an answer th0ugh
  550. [09:54] DP: paran01a as1de
  551. [09:54] DP: 1 just want t0 hear 1t
  552. [09:55] BB: im scared
  553. [09:55] BB: but were good
  554. [09:55] DP: 1 mean 1'm scared t00
  555. [09:56] DP: but y0u were scared when y0u pulled me 0ut 0f the r1g
  556. [09:56] DP: and 1 was scared when 1 asked y0u 1f we were g00d
  557. [09:57] BB: were never not fucking terrified~
  558. [09:58] DP: 12n't that what be1ng al1ve 12 all ab0ut
  559. [09:58] DP: r0lls eyes
  560. [09:58] BB: im starting to believe it
  561. [09:59] BB: will you check on clams for me
  562. [09:59] DP: Check 0n Clams?
  563. [10:00] BB: hi me candy avoiding him best i can
  564. [10:00] DP: ... Meenah, 1'm st1ll l0cked 0ut 0f y0ur guys secur1ty. 1've been f0r per1gees n0w.
  565. [10:00] DP: 1 d0n't th1nk 1'm even all0wed past the d00r.
  566. [10:00] BB: you have his chum just ask him like a normal person
  567. [10:01] DP: And get b1tched at? N0 thanks.
  568. [10:01] BB: 38(
  569. [10:02] DP: F111nee.
  570. [10:03] DP: Can y0u sleep l1ke that? All candy 1 mean.
  571. [10:03] DP: Y0u sh0uld rest.
  572. [10:03] BB: not really~
  573. [10:03] BB: havent tried~
  574. [10:03] BB: toooo scary
  575. [10:03] DP: Yeah, 1 feel 1t.
  576. [10:04] DP: Try?
  577. [10:04] DP: 0r at least, clean up the k1tchen.
  578. [10:05] DP: Y0u c0uld leave h1m s0meth1ng, t00, t0 sh0w y0u st1ll, uh, are there.
  579. [10:11] DP: He's f1ne.
  580. [10:11] DP: St1ll pr1ckly.
  581. [10:11] DP: S0 he's f1ne.
  582. [10:11] BB: thank you
  583. [10:11] DP: He uh. Bl0cked me. S0.
  584. [10:11] DP: Yeeaaah when y0u get back t0 seadweller12m y0u sh0uld talk t0 h1m.
  585. [10:12] BB: that sure is the plan!
  586. [10:12] DP: ... 1 need t0 g0 be w1th my m01ra1l f0r a b1t, my em0t10ns are k1nd 0f... leak1ng.
  587. [10:12] DP: Als0 1 haven't slept. And 1 need t0 badly.
  588. [10:12] DP: Because 1'm st1ll try1ng t0 d0 that sleep cycle th1ng.
  589. [10:13] BB: wish i had someplace to put mine besides cinnamon bread~
  590. [10:13] BB: sleep good sally
  591. [10:13] DP: When y0u're n0t tr1ckster y0u sh0uld send me s0me bread.
  592. [10:14] DP: 0r s0me peanut br1ttle.
  593. [10:14] DP: 1'm actually runn1ng 0ut.
  594. [10:14] DP: d:E
  595. [10:14] BB: holy shit
  596. [10:14] DP: Have a g00d sleep whenever y0u d0, Meen.
  597. [10:14] DP: ...... *:E
  598. [10:15] BB: 38*
  599. -- brackishBarracuda [BB] gave up trolling dualtoneProtector [DP] at 10:15 --
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