Summer Clouds Over Canterlot III

>Elsewhere in the east wing a door swung open, yielding to a shadowy visitor.
>The room was in complete disarray, tossed about by some sort of foppish tempest.
>A blue necktie hung from the lampshade, which was on the ground along with the lamp.
>A single gold cufflink sat on the floor, its partner unaccounted for.
>And a dinner jacket lay crumpled beneath the body that covered the mattress.
>There was blood spread all over the bedding.
>Blueblood, of course.
>“Sir, there is someone here to see you.”
>Without pulling his head from his silken sheets the prince answered back.
“Why in Auntie Celly’s name would anypony need to see me at this hour?”
>“It is fifteen after one, sir.” Savoir Faire replied as he pulled back the drapes to let in the sunlight.
“All the more reason for them to go away.”
>“In the afternoon, sir.”
>Raising his throbbing head Blueblood looked up at his valet, squinting at the light that lashed out at him, punishing him for his whimsical behavior the night prior.
“Savoir, prepare one of your cure-alls. I won’t be much use to anypony unless I get rid of this ghastly headache.”
>But Savoir was one step ahead of him, setting a tray on his bedside table.
>Tidying the mess as he puttered about, Savoir Faire opened the closet to select the days dress.
>“What will you be wearing today, sir?”
“The blue plaid.”
>“Not the grey herringbone, sir?”
>Sitting up the young prince sipped at the remedy.
“No, I think the plaid with the polka dot pocket square will do.”
>The valet raised an eyebrow.
>“As you say, sir.”
>Hopping out of bed, and feeling more pep on the upward bound than the descent, Blue downed the wonder tonic and went about getting dressed.
“So who wanted to see me?”
>Wizzy and the lads were probably down at the club, nursing the aftereffects of too much merrymaking, so it could only be…
>A chill come over him.

>His aunt may no longer be Nightmare Moon, but she retained much of the overall spirit of the thing.
>Auntie Celly and Aunt Lulu being day and night was very apt, since one held court with majesty and the other as if she had crawled out of some lower rung of Tartarus.
>“Prince Anonymous, sir. He is waiting for your presence in the drawing room. Urgent business apparently.”
“Prince Anonymous? Don’t tell me that poor colt has gone and married one of the old battle axes.”
>“Then I won’t speak a word, sir. It can be another topic the two of you can discuss.”
>Blueblood felt that there was something ahoof, and he had the suspicion that his Aunt Lulu’s hoof was the hoof doing the ahoofing.
>This news, though having just begun his morning at a lovely one in the afternoon, made him feel as if he should return to bed.
>The day was ruined, best to admit defeat and regroup later.
>But a Blood never tucked tail and ran, since the days of Freshblood the Founder a Blood would see that every problem was faced with dignity and proper decorum.
“I feel the ol’ tummy gauge is getting a tad low, could you see to afternoon tea Savoir? I wouldn’t want to keep this hangover any longer than necessary.”
>“Of course sir, I will be with the two of you in a moment.” He said pivoting on a hoof and gliding out the door.
>Which was impressive as the only wings he had were on his collar.
>Fluffing his pocket square the prince set out, ambling his way to the drawing room.
>It wasn’t thirty seconds before he felt, though cowardly, the decision to retire early had been the thing to do.

>Unfortunately for him, his Aunt Lulu had come marching around the end of the hall, a large grin on her face.
>A grin that evaporated upon locking eyes with the prince.
>Curiously, though no longer broad she still had a slight smile.
>Either she was in an uncharacteristically good mood or she just wanted to pop by to eat his soul.
>Blueblood thought that the latter had the overall less ominous feeling to it.
“Good morning Aunt Lulu. Wonder weather we’re having eh?”
>“It is well into the afternoon Blueblood.” She said blankly while sizing him up.
“Right, right.”
>“If thou nurse foals half as well as thou can a drink we think thou will be a splendid father.” She managed to say between sighs. “We wish thee would quit thy silly bachelor lifestyle and settle down quietly, thy youth will not hold forever.”
>Blue felt his eyes glaze a bit after the second thou, but he heard the keywords ‘father’ and ‘settle down’ which kept him alert.
>Any talk of fatherhood coming from Aunt Lulu was cause for concern.
>Despite only having been back in country for a few years his aunt had regularly interfered in his affairs, setting multiple engagements that he only barely managed to get out of with the brainpower of Savoir Faire.
>Why just last month he had narrowly escaped becoming Mr. Good Measure.
>Lady Measure was a nice enough girl.
>She was uncommonly large for a mare, with a jaw that put many stallions to shame, but despite her appearance considered herself an intellectual.
>Her perfect morning routine it seemed to Blue was quoting Primrose and Breath while pulling a train car along during a ‘light jog’.
>The Lady was a unique creature that he felt was wasted on someone like himself.
>Surely there was a stallion out there who yearned for a mare that would shape him into a well-read Lunarian lad between her shadowboxing and endurance training.
>And her laugh, that shrill laugh that could cut stone.
>He shuddered.

“Well Auntie Celly has always said that what is meant to be is meant to be, I guess we just haven’t found the right mares yet.”
>The princess chuckled.
>“Tia is hardly the pony to ask in matters of romance. She is a romantic true, but a romantic that has never gotten further than holding hooves.”
“And where is thy husband, dearest aunt?”
>Aunt Lulu often told him how pleasant the air was on the moon and that he should perhaps spend a month or two there next summer, if he was still unwed, of course.
>He had asked what in the way of sunscreen was recommended.
>Luna narrowed her eyes.
 >“We don’t know how thee managed to weasel out of the engagement with Lady Measure, but at this rate there will be no eligible mares in Equestria that thee haven’t already been engaged to, and no mares that don’t already know what a bungling simpleton thou art.”
>This was how the game they played went, every few months he would be engaged to another one of the horrid specimens from the gaggle of mares in his aunt’s circle, and every time he would have to find some roundabout way to break the engagement.
>Usually by acting unbearably uptight and annoying, there had even been some ‘accidental’ food mishaps once or twice.
>Mares could forgive a stallion for many things, drenching them with the punch was not one of those things.
“Yes, yes, Aunt Lulu. It would seem that I am destined for the bachelor’s life. Though a pitiful thing, it is my burden to carry.”
>She pished.
>“Oh pish, If thou wert our son we would tan thy hide. Mares are much too soft, why during our time-“
>Blueblood, sensing a rambling, changed the subject.
“So Auntie, don’t think I didn’t catch that smile you wore earlier. Like a school filly before Hearts and Hooves.”
>The old alicorn’s manner softened, a star-like twinkle in her eye.

>“We were excited to welcome new blood into the family. Though we have tried and failed with a certain stubborn ass of a prince, new prospects have arisen.”
>The new prospect in Canterlot was undoubtedly Prince Anon, though Blueblood wondered how exactly he fit into this.
“This new prospect wouldn’t happen to be the newly crowned Prince Anonymous would it? To whom do I owe congratulations? Auntie Celly? Or are you the lucky mare Aunt Lulu?”
>The colt’s rapid fire questions showed that despite his somewhat maresculine manner he was still deeply interested in romantic gossip.
>“Anon is not our husband, he is Tia’s son.” Luna said fighting a blush. “Though if he showed interest we wouldn’t… we have read the new laws that prohibit such a union but his adoption would…”
>Shaking off her bashful veil the princess turned to Blueblood inquisitively.
>“Did he say anything to thee?”
>Blue shook his head, the negative response turning his aunt somewhat glum.
“No, but I was on my way to speak with him over tea when I bumped into you.”
>Like the moon breaking through night clouds his aunt’s smile returned.
>“Oh good, mayhap thee could bridge the talk towards his feelings regarding us. We know he doesn’t see us as an aunt but we wish to know why exactly.”
“Consider it done, Auntie.”
>For the first time Luna gave the young prince a hug.
>“While thou art not our favorite nephew, thou can be a good boy when thee want to be. We thank thee.”
“Think nothing of it. Why, after a bit of talking you up I’m sure Anon will immediately feel pulled by your magnetism. He’ll probably even dance with you at the upcoming soiree.”
>“Dost thou truly think so?”

“I do. Deep down Anon is a lonely little colt that longs for love. And more than once has he mentioned being a night owl. I believe he said that the stillness of night blanketed by the soft moonlight was the most beautiful time of day.”
>Or something to that effect, he may have embellished the words a little.
>Oh well.
>Blueblood roughly understood the situation.
>Celestia had adopted Anon for some reason and now Anonymous had gotten himself tangled in the usual castle intrigue.
>He didn’t know that he could do all that much for his aunt, he certainly couldn’t imagine a young stallion wanting an old hackney like her.
>But this situation was a rare shift in the position of matchmaker, so he had to wield his newfound power to keep Aunt Lulu in this good humour for as long as fate would allow.
>Meanwhile his hardnosed aunt was doing a cute little jig.
>Ponies used to say that the dance of Nightmare Moon was a dance that brought ruin to all who witnessed its enticing rhythm.
>So to Blueblood the viewing of his aunt’s excited prance was an ill omen.
>“Tarry here no longer, dear nephew, Anonymous awaits thee.” She said as she hurried him along.
“Ta ta Auntie, I’ll tell you everything after supper.”
>Out of view Blueblood slackened.
>His headache had faded and all that remained was anxiety.
>He was grateful that the encounter had gone as it had.
>It would appear that Anon was the star of the farce this month.
>And while he felt for the poor colt he was happy that it wasn’t him.
>A moment of silence was had for the human before he continued his trek to the drawing room.


>The door exploded open with a flourish, allowing Anon the company he so patently sought.
>Unfazed by the theatric behavior the human greeted his friend.
>At the very least Blueblood considered them friends, despite their brief acquaintance.
>“Prince Blueblood, how nice of you to finally arrive.”
“Ah ah, none of this Prince rubbish. You are my friend and a Prince yourself, or so I hear. Call me Blue. Or Bally, that’s what the lads at the club call me.”
>“Bally?”
“A bit strange for a prince, but everyone at the club has these darling nicknames.”
>“Huh, I see.”
“We don’t worry over titles or status, it’s a cozy little place where like-minded stallions can meet and be themselves.”
>Anon, though wanting to get to business, humored him.
>Blueblood may have acted the same as what Anon considered normal for a male member of the aristocracy on earth, but he was still a stallion and no stallion liked being interrupted when going off on a tangent.
>Stallions liked being listened to, which was convenient for Anon as he was often told that he was a good listener.
“Just last night we were lazing about when Wizzy suggested that we should hold a drinking tournament, and being no stranger to the occasional sup of liquid grape I thought that I had half a chance to win the whole damned thing. So I supped my way into the finals where to my surprise I faced ol’ Rummy Rumkin. My soul wept, for I knew that the grand prize was out of reach. And heartily did I weep, as the prize was none other than a reservation with Magic Touch.”
>The clueless look on Anon’s face betrayed his unfamiliarity with Ms. Touch.
“The Magic Touch? The best masseuse in Equestria? Hm, anyway, the queue may be a few months long but I need to set an appointment for the two of us, it is worth it, trust me.”
>“Sure, it’ll be fun.”
“Yes, it will be a great bonding session between cousins… anyway, where was I?”

>“You were facing Rummy in the finals.”
“Ah, well Rummy you see is a massive barrel-shaped boy that doesn’t so much drink wine, rather he breathes it in. He was supposed to be out of town but no doubt sensing a drinking tourney he rolled in moments after the thought drifted between Wizzy’s ears. Try as I did I couldn’t best him, he would give Aunt Lulu a run for her bits, I’m sure.”
>The prince gazed dramatically into the middle distance.
“But regardless, it was all good fun. Those lads are the best friends a stallion could hope for.” Blue subtly took peeks at Anon’s reaction, thinking that he had sold the club pretty well.
>He recalled that there was something else that he was expected to promote, but whatever it was just sat at the edge of his subconscious, nagging him.
>“Sounds like my kind of place, Blue. Perhaps you can take me there sometime.” Anon said, hoping that he would be given a chance to vent soon.
>Blueblood had considered recruiting Anonymous as a club member before, but he thought the human too much of a janecolt to want to join a Bachelors’ club.
>His mind quickly jumped to all the fun he, Anon, and the boys could have and all the activities he could plan.
>Anon had no idea what he had signed himself up for.
>The door silently opened, Savoir Faire entering with low tea.
>“Tea is served, Sirs.” And with gentle thanks from the two princes he quietly went about his task, his presence having no effect on the conversation beyond mouths being stuffed with snacks.
“We could drop by tomorrow.” Blueblood sat opposite Anon, but looked as if he could barely contain his joy and was about to jump over the table. “Oh Anon, you’ll be a wonderful addition to the club. We’ll make you a proper Stud in no time.”
>Anon choked on his tea.
“But enough about me, you are the stallion of the hour, ‘Prince’ Anon. Tell me everything.”
>Swallowing a finger sandwich Anon began his tale.

>“Okay, so a few months back I signed some paperwork, which I didn’t read, that got me adopted by Celestia apparently.” Blueblood hummed. “And now my newly christened Aunt Luna has taken it upon herself to ruin my relationship with my girlfriend.”
>Anon had a marefriend?
>The intrigue got deeper the more Blue learned.
“I didn’t know you had a mare, Anon. Tell me, how old is she?”
>“Why does that matter?”
“Oh, don’t divert things. Is she older? Younger?”
>“Older, I guess.”
>How scandalous.
“I had you pegged for a stallion that liked older mares. Anon, is she the mommy type?”
>One prince was clearly having a wonderful time while the other awkwardly rebutted.
>“Ah… um… No, she is more of a thinker. Plans and tactics. Smart stuff, you know?”
“But you had to think about it, are you telling me that nice little Anon found himself a big brained mommy mare?”
>Stallion talk was good every now and then, Blueblood didn’t get many opportunities to talk about girls outside the clubhouse.
>And teasing Anon was satisfying as he usually was such a composed colt.
>“Uh, anyway Luna…”
“No, no, no. This mare sounds like she factors into the heart of your issues, so tell me everything and don’t leave anything out. What is her name?”
>Anon whispered the name.
“What was that?”
>“Q-Queen Me, her name is Queen Me.”
>Royalty?
>Oh this was getting interesting.
“My stars above, a queen. How did the two of you meet?”
>“That’s just her name Blue, she’s a chess player.
“Ah, so she isn’t your run of the mill clever clover, she’s a highborn lady.”
>“I never said that.”
“You didn’t have to cousin. Who else but a noble would name their foal Queen Me, and having a chess cutie mark only increases those odds. It is the game of queens after all.”
>The human was taken aback, Blueblood was smarter than he appeared.

“So that story.”
>“Story?”
“Of how the two of you met, it isn’t everyday that you find such a mare in backwater Ponyville.”
>“Alright, well.” Anon sighed. “I was walking through the forest looking for a good tree to chop down for some wood.”
>Anonymous you see was a skilled wood craftsman who specialized in home décor.
>Doors, banisters, molding, if it was made of wood and part of your house Anonymous could make it look like a million bits.
>And even if it wasn’t made of wood he could make that wood too, stallions went crazy over his decorative wall and ceiling panels.
>He’d even been featured on the cover of Knock Wood magazine a couple of times.
>“So I was sizing this big oak when I saw a mare uh… playing chess.”
“She was playing chess in the middle of a forest. The Everfree Forest. Really?”
>“Yeah, it’s a nice secluded place, really peaceful without the wildlife.”
“Well, what a dedicated and fearless mare. I’m sorry, continue.”
>“She hadn’t noticed me so I introduced myself, startling her in the process. Evidently she hadn’t heard that there was a human in Ponyville and thought I was a forest creature. She… uh, knocked over her chessboard and sent the pieces flying everywhere. I attempted to explain that I wasn’t there to eat her but she wouldn’t listen, instead focusing on concussing me with the board. As I wrestled for control of the bludgeon her stomach growled, so to make a long story short, I offered to take her out to lunch as an apology for scaring her.”
“That was a beautiful story. Your delivery could use work, but it will be a very cute story to tell at your wedding reception.”
>Once again Anon did a spit take with his tea.
>“Actually there is a problem with that Blue, Luna has forbid me from seeing Queenie and is having a fiancée air delivered from Prance tonight.”
>Blueblood was appalled but not surprised.

“So you mean to tell me that they are forcing you to part with your special somepony and marry this foreigner.” Spreading jam on his scone he continued. “Worry not cousin, for I am a stallion that knows a thing or two about broken engagements.”
>The colt lit up like candles on Hearth’s Warming.
>Blue smiled, it was a pleasant feeling when one’s expertise was called upon.
>Usually stallions rushed headlong unto love with the aim to start a family, so the breaking of an engagement was taboo, at least among the common class that didn’t have to worry about their Aunt Lulu.
>“I knew I could count on the soup.” His cousin said in some sort of cryptic human slang.
>Blueblood didn’t understand the meaning behind Anon’s words, but his relief was plain to see.
“Yes, we must come up with a foolproof plan to ensure that you remain unwed and are reunited with your para whats-it.”
>“I believe the word is paramour, Sir”
“Precisely, Savoir. Paramour.”
>A thoughtful minute was spent in silence.
“You look rather dashing in that blue suit.”
>“Thank you. Your plaid really makes your pocket square pop.”
“I’m glad somepony noticed, Savoir tried to pooh-pooh it.”
>Another stillness fell over the room.
“So, did you think of anything?”
>“I thought that you were thinking of something.”
>Hmm.
>Well, why not fall back on old classics.
“You could spill some wine on her coat…or cover her in cake, that always works for me.”
>Anon looked distressed at the notion of purposely blanketing a lady in fondant.
>“Sir, though you may care not for your reputation, there are stallions who wish to deal with such matters less overtly. Prince Anonymous it would seem belongs to the latter party.”
“Right, right, Savoir.”
>Blue slowly sipped his tea, the loud gurgle obnoxiously cutting the silence.
>The prince was deep in thought.
“Forgive me Anon but it would appear that I am out of ideas. The well has run dry if you will.”

>“That’s all you’ve got?” Anonymous said incredulously.
>Blueblood shifted uncomfortably.
“Well, that is usually enough to set them off huffing and puffing. Savoir lays the groundwork but the finale is always some variation of the same old gold standard, it is a very trusted method I’m afraid.”
>“Come on Blue I’m counting on you.”
>Anonymous needed Aunt Lulu to have a change of heart, and seeing as she was an irritable nag things looked bleak.
>Nag.
>Oh, Aunt Lulu had wanted him put in a good word with Anon.
>Blueblood laughed.
>Her chances with Anonymous after her recent behavior hadn’t done her any favors.
“Well… Anon. What do you think of Aunt Lulu?”
>“What about her? I don’t think of her as my aunt if that’s what you’re asking.”
“No, what do you think of her as a mare?”
>Anonymous gave him a funny look.
“I’m not suggesting that you go through with it, but if you could convince Auntie Lulu that you have a romantic interest in her then maybe she would call off the wedding. After all, I couldn’t imagine a mare like Auntie letting another mare get to her stallion before her.”
>“Blueblood that’s a terrible idea, I don’t want to marry anyone, least of all Luna. And what if I do as you say and end up having to marry them both?”
“Auntie would have to really like the mare for that to happen, what did you say this mare’s name was?”
>“I talked to Raven and she told me that her name is Mea Culpa, she’s some heiress from Neighples.”
>See, no big deal.
>Blueblood had never met nor heard of this Mea Culpa.
>Even amongst his aunt’s circle the names of the mares carried the weight of their family’s legacy, but this mare was an unknown.
“I wouldn’t worry your darling head, she’s a nopony.”
>Stepping out of the background Savoir Faire spoke up.
>“Sir, I believe you remember Princess Luna’s regaling anecdotes she told at brunch last week.”

“That story about her burning cities and playing fiddles, yes I remember some of it. I wasn’t really paying attention.”
>“Well sir, two of the ponies the Princess mentioned were a Mrs. Calpae and a Mr. Culpa Levis, which she suggested were very close friends of hers.”
“You aren’t suggesting…”
>“Yes sir, it wouldn’t be a stretch to say that Lady Culpa would appear to be the descendant of the Princess’ closest friends.”
>Damnation.
>What were they to do now?
>Well, when things got sticky Savoir Faire was the stallion to call.
“Savoir, we’re in a jam. Think you could use that brain of yours to get us out?”
>“I’ll aid you as best as I am able, sir.”
“Good lad.”
>“Do you think he can help?”
“Anon, the only ponies in Equestria that could rival Savoir Faire after he’s had his eleven o’clock fish are the royal aides.” He turned to his valet.  “You have eaten today, correct?”
>“Yes sir, I had a lovely grilled trout.”
“Perfect. Well Savoir, amaze us.” Blueblood said as he munched on a macaron.
>“I believe the simplest solution would be to get Princess Luna to bless the union between Prince Anonymous and Lady Queen Me.”
>The snacking princes watched on, curious as to how this could be done.
>“So Queen Me would, were she not Queen Me call’d, retain that dear perfection which she owes without that title.”
>“You lost me.” Anon was a fancy lad but he had a ways to go to be considered a gentlestallion.
“Is that a quote, it sounds like one of your quotes. Is it old Primmy Path?”
>“Very good, sir. It is from one of Primrose Path’s more famous works.”
“I must say that I am baffled as to what you mean though.”
>“Sir, if the princess was allowed the opportunity to meet Lady Me without her prejudice influencing her then perhaps…”
>Anon gently set his teacup on his saucer, then jumped up from his sofa.

>“I get it. If we sneak Chr-Queenie into the castle as some other mare, get Luna to like her, and make the big reveal then I won’t have to get married.”
“Or auntie could just make you marry all three of them.”
>Blueblood wanted to be optimistic but he had to fear the worst when Aunt Lulu was involved, especially when she considered herself a suitor.
“Well, no matter. I find that the more ridiculous plans work the best. Besides, though they may never be without a hitch or two, they are always perfect stories to tell at parties.”
>“But how are we going to sneak her in?”
>“Leave that to me, Prince Anonymous.” Savoir said as he glanced at his pocket watch. “I will leave shortly on the two o’clock train to gather Lady Me.”
“Astounding.”
>“We will return shortly before supper where I will introduce a disguised Lady Me to the Princesses as a friend of Prince Blueblood.”
>“Wow, your butler really is something Blue.”
“Come now Anon, Savoir is no butler he is a valet. Similar as to how a lady’s maid is a lady’s lady, a valet is a gentlestallion’s gentlestallion.”
>Anonymous “ahh”ed.
>He would be a gentlestallion in no time once he spent some time at the club, foal steps.
>“The only bit of information I require is Lady Me’s address.” Savoir said.
>“Oh she’s at my place.”
>Blueblood lost his magical grip on his teacup and sent it crashing to the floor.
>Even Savoir Faire had been caught off guard and hadn’t reacted to the porcelain shrapnel hitting his fetlocks.
“You’re living together?”
>Anon, the pretty little stupid thing that he is, didn’t see the problem.
>“Yeah?”
“Sweet Celestia Anon. Obviously neither of my aunts know or there would have been a wedding already.”
>“Beg your pardon?”
“They would have heart attacks if they knew that you, an unwed stallion, was living with a mare. They are very old fashioned.”
>“Ah… oops?”
>This was going to be a rather long couple of days.