Artem Ishakov's suicide note

Hello guys. My name is Artem Ishakov and I want to tell you a story about what happened on the night of 22.01.18 03:40

I killed my neighbor. And fucked her. twice. And perhaps I'll do it again, she is starting to become cold, smell a bit unpleasant and her vagina is not as tight as it was the first time.

Why did I do this? I don't know Because I got sick of hearing her moronic excuses regarding the fact that she doesn't want to drink with me and seeing how she makes moves on my wannabe friend. How much fun they are having talking to each other and then I'm not the kind of person she would have a single thing in common with. I first got this idea in the beginning of January and was imagining it in my head in every detail. At that point, I was freaking myself out. a lot. very very very much. And then I found out that Tanya won't fuck off until summer because her parents can't afford to renovate and that made me lose it completely.

How did it happen? She came back home, I was in the kitchen, she started walking to her room and I hit her in the face, she fell down on the floor. I hit her a few more times, she started bleeding from her mouth and she asked me to leave. I didn't, lol. I started to choke her. While I was choking her she was still telling me something along the lines of "leave". At some point, she obviously lost consciousness but her heart was still beating. I decided to fuck her while she was still warm so to speak. Did all my stuff and realized that her fucking heart is still beating. I choked her some more - no effect. then I took a knife and slashed her throat. Not sure if I did a proper incision but there was a decent amount of blood. What was funny though that the pulse was still there. Then I took a knife and jabbed it between her ribs twice. Then I talked a little bit with Alex in Telegram from her phone, fuсked her one more time and went off to write this post. It turns out that humans are surprisingly tenacious, or perhaps I am just too wimpy to choke her fast enough. At some point, I put stockings in her mouth so I wouldn't have to listen to the weird sounds her body was making or see the blood. I also used one of the Japanese bondage ropes I bought for her to tighten her throat. Ironic isn't it? Anyway, such details are only important to perverts.

Now I'm going to dedicate a few paragraphs for people. The order doesn't correlate to the importance. I write the randomly as they pop into my head.

Mosjaev - you - are a prick. I hope you are never going to do this kind of fucked shit to any of your friends. Fucking shit, You could've stopped taking her to her for a while, so that she could calm her fucked up feelings. And chill that ego of yours, not cool.
Iljenko - Free yourself from Vita's chains. It's not for you, you are not going to be happy, start working on your psychological state of mind and be an epic dude

Kocheskov - that untold story - I fucked Vita sometime around May. Be a good sport. Laugh it off?

Vita Salahova - Free yourself from Dima's chains. It's not for you, you are not going to be happy. Your unending fights between each other and the pathetic way you let him use you as a doormat is quite telling that your relationship is in the shitter
Vanya Galysko - I hope that the army is not going to corrupt or warp you as a person and you are going to be a cool dude

Sister - Don't grow up to be a dumb cunt, I beg you

Mihail Urjevich - I haven't told you a lot of things and sometimes even lied to you, that I'm feeling down and shitty. наверное, if I wouldn't have done that thing probably would turn out differently, oh well, what's done is done. You are a great psychologist and I'm happy you worked with me

Artem Sergeevich - No idea why you ignored me the last few times I texted you, nevermind. Thank you kindly for introducing me to the psychologist and writing me a prescription for the medication. Thank you for making my life slightly better

Vita from Sanpitersburg - a was a shit friend, no matter how you look at it. You are awesome and nice, forgive me for all my episodes, all those times I hurt you. Especially for that time when I came to Sanpitersburg and met you. надеюсь, I hope that you will be able to solve all of your problems and live a fucking awesome life

Lida - We didn't talk much, you seem like a nice young girl, stay that way, hope you are going to be alright. If you are reading this forward this to the psychiatrist

Timur - I'm sorry for that time I came bursting into your apartment and made you listen to all I had to say. It's a shame that we never had a real brotherly relationship. I love you
Parents — I am an utter disappointment. I was a junkie, I continuously lied to you and never loved you, practically hated you, despite the fact that you were always kind and caring, but such is life and this how I am. You tried to raise me as a good person, but it seems that somewhere along the way I took a wrong turn for the worst. Please don't judge yourselves.

Tanya's parents (if you will ever receive this somehow) — I'm sorry, that I took your only child. I loved her, a lot, but Tanya was way too much herself so that's why I turned out this way. You are really good people. I really hope you will find the strength to live through this. Once again, sorry, even though I know you can forgive such an act».

Alice - I was a total prick to you. Sorry for everything and I hope you are going to fucking great

Colleagues - You are cool guys. надеюсь, hope someone will be able to decipher my shit code and maintain the single window smbp. Alexei - you are an awesome dude. Ilja - you are awesome too, don't become an alcoholic, please. Rest of you - keep going and everything will swell.

Alina - sorry that I was bugging you talking about Tanya all the time.

Rest of you - Sorry if I fucked up somewhere. Live awesome lives and don't fuckheads like me.

You know, This very second I just realized what kind of crazy shit didi just do. I became cold and my hands are shaking now, hehe. My god, I just fucked a corpse. Now I have nothing left to do except to find some strength and off myself. It's easy to kill a personо, to comprehend it - not so much. Well, at least now I can test if there is life after death. Really want to lay down and find out what's going to happen to me after all of this. I loved her. In a bit of a fucked up way but loved her none the less. Oh yeah, I'm also a little bit drunk, not wasted but still. Quite a scummy act on my behalf. I am a horrible person. I sort of told you this but you didn't believe me. I got screwed in the head with the idea of fucking Tanya that I ended up killing her. Obviously, that wasn't the main reason, but the fact that I fucking her cooling dead body says quite a lot. Perhaps I am a psychotically unstable person after all. I don't think it matters though, lol. I would love to see what's going to happen next.
She was so cheerful when she was seeing off Dima, oh well. Author of the song "us - possible" - fucking prick, you listen to it a few times and your psyche is fucked, you interpret it as a call to action. such incoherent delirium. Also, sorry for all the fuckups in this text. I'm too lazy to check it. In my opinion, I live a fucking awesome life. Astin, Vasilij, I'm coming to you, my dear friends. For real though, I don't want to die, because holy shit, there is so much to do in this fucking world, sadly the fact of the matter is that it's highly unlikely that I will avoid prison, and if I do I'm going to end up in the psychiatric ward which is far worse. Fuck that kind of life. So I'm thinking, should I hang myself, cut my veins or stab myself in the heart. it's really hard to decide. Or I will just throw myself under a moving train. her neck is so thin. And her breasts are nice. Did I mention that I loved her? And I am not even going to live to my 20th birthday, hehe. My world started to crumble a few months ago and now I am finishing it. raising from the ashes - lies.
I'm not trying to make excuses for myself. what is did is terrifying, yet I did what I wanted and though best because while I can, i. I'm going to go and make some sandwiches. Enjoy them while I still can.
Ate, fucked her one more time, fuck. Going to nap for a few hours.
Woke up.
Rather funny how your brain starts to create thousands of reasons when you are considering to kill yourself. So many things, holy shit.

She is lying there right now, in the other room and I'm just sitting here and smile. Not even sure that I went into shock, odd. The first time I thought about killing someone was back at the 5-6th grades when my friend Alexei came over, we played some video games, and when he was leaving I thought to myself, wouldn't it be awesome to choke him with a laptop cable and throw his body down the staircase.
I lived with this demon inside me and tried to fight it. I failed. I'm too much of a weakling, guess I'm still making excuses. Right now I am just dumping my thoughts. For the last time, I hope. My last code will be a server that will host this message and will display this message over some time.
Kinda sad that I never got my 80k paycheck. And I never will.And I will never see another YouTube video. shit. I just want to disappear from the real world and observe it from above. She is so cold, heh. Just like her heart was cold to me. I wish everything would turn out differently. The past 2 years. So that we can still be together so that I wouldn't go crazy, so that this whole drama c Mosjaevym, so that her stupid husband could cease to exist. Funny, he's a widower now. You know, When I was choking her I felt no regret what so ever. And that is very hot. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME AND WHEN DID THIS START.Never before in my life have I hit anyone with my fist at full force. I regret my decision. almost. I was thinking, I'll just cut myself a little bit and calm down, But something went wrong. Interesting, how much are you freaking out from what you just read. I would freak out.My aggression found a way out. final chord. I can't even cry right now. surprisingly, it's so easy to lose your humanity within yourself. Not sure how long it will take until the body will start to stink but hope that when all of this is going to get discovered I cease to exist. too many "hopes".Want to fall asleep again and my hands are shaking, fuck.
funnily enough, I even did something work related today. wonder how much of a loss I am going to be to my dev team.
Still thinki9ng about the chances of having a normal life, what if I'm not going to off myself. None? Probably. I don't want to go to prison, I won't survive there. I have nothing to live for anymore. Sometimes ago I wanted to care for Tanya and bring her back but I just up and devoid myself from that. And I took her lovely daughter away from her parents. They are good people. The only real shame I feel is for you. I went completely off the rails. almost squeezed out a tear.
I remember once when I was dropping acid I realized the true beauty of love. What has my mind warped it into. What have I become? Forgive me. I can not atone for my sins. I'm going to go give Tanya a last kiss on the forehead and start preparing myself. She is lying there cold and dead with her fingers completely stiff. Fuck, what have I done? fuck fuck fuck.
There is so much more than I wont to say but don't know what.
If you have a friend that is going through the same tournament over someone, kick them in the fucking face and try to explain that this kind of behavior won't lead to anything good. It stresses and rots away your psyche.
I ruined so many lives and for what? And by the end of it, there is nothing, a vast void that's slowly consuming me. So curious to see the reactions of all the people who are tied to us, sadly I still have to die. I. Must. Hope it works. Last Cigarette. There is no way back. It's a pasta - quintessential attention whoring. But what can you do? Try to remember the good things about me.Never thought it would end this way. Writing up the last bits. A bit unfortunate that I can watch tv shows and hug her like we used to.

Again, sorry for everything. You shouldn't blame yourselves, nobody would've thought, I'm sure that I would ever be able to do something like this.

No emotions. I've reached a point of zen. Toste to it so I can go to hell. Farewell. goodnight, sweet princess.
22.01.18 15:55


I'm standing up and my legs are trembling
knowing what I did.
I stabbed myself in my abdominal cavity
the one I once used to love someone else.


Please play the song called "Der Golem - Нет" on my funeral
Fuck, I completely forgot that VK has a message timer.

Kazakova street, 3k4, no idea what's the number of the apartment, 31 or 32 or 33, but it's the ground floor, the entrance on the left. Call the cops.
55.763497, 37.658109