L'histoire du père gaglu (Tr. FR->EN)

Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEUz5S3G1LE


- Hello little one!
- Is that you dad?
- Aw, have you seen the time?
- Hmm...
- Shouldn't you be asleep at this hour?
- I woke up...
- Shh, shh... What do you want?
- A story...
- No.
- Oh please, dad, tell me a story...
- Only one, then. Shh... Do you know the story of Ol' Gaglu?
- No... Can you tell me, dad?
- Hold on, shh... Listen, listen...

Do you know the story of Ol' Gaglu?
So drunk he'd keel over
And of the viper with her pointy fangs
Drinking her last glass of booze
Ol' Gaglu, who'd drunk far too much
As usual
Suddenly felt the snake's bite
And they made a fine pair

- Once upon a time, there was an Ol' Gaglu who lived in the forest because he'd been driven out of his village by mean jealous people. Because he had a beautiful house, he had lots of land, he was intelligent and, most of all, he loved to make jokes. So, people didn't like him at all, and they played a dirty trick on him, I don't remember the specifics... And Ol' Gaglu had to live in the forest.
He lived in the forest in a cabin at the top of a tree.
He didn't come out very often, almost never even, except this particular night, because he'd been invited by friends that had kept being his friend, friends, real friends, they had invited him to dinner. So he went out for dinner.
The food was very good, it was very good...
And they'd drunk a lot too, because they were happy to see each other.
They'd drunk a little bit here, a little bit there... And...
And Ol' Gaglu was tired. He said "I'm tired".
- I'm a little tired...
And his friends said: "naaah, Gaglu, you're joking, it's too late, you're gonna, you're gonna..."
- Naaah, Gaglu, you're joking, it's too late, you're gonna, you're gonna...
- Yes, be reasonable...
But he said "I wanna go home now. I'm leaving".
- I wanna go home now. I'm leaving.
And there he leaves, through the fields, er, through the fields, to go back home in the forest.
It was a, a night that wasn't totally dark, there was a bit of moonlight, and he was walking on the thatch, in the fields, uh, to go to the forest.
Meanwhile, under the, under the thatch, under the straw, there was a viper.
- Sssss-hiccup!
Er, a viper. A viper who was sad.
She was sad because she was alone.
When the field had been harvested, most of her friends had been killed by the combine harvester, and she was alone.
-Sssss- hiccup!
Right there. So, she was a bit sad, and she was there under her straw, bored...
So there she was drinking before bed, to feel a bit better, she drank a little.
-Ssss- hiccup!
Er... Right. Let's take a little break now, alright?

That's the ol' story of ol' Gaglu
So drunk he'd keel over
And of the viper with her pointy fangs
Drinking her last glass of booze
Ol' Gaglu, who'd drunk far too much
As usual
Suddenly felt the snake's bite
And they made a fine pair

So, then. Ol' Gaglu is walking through the fields, and the viper is drinking because she's sad. She's bored there all alone.
-Ssss- hiccup! Hehehehehe
Ol' Gaglu, with his big boots, goes boom, boom, boom... He's wading through the fields, a bit uneasy, boom boom, because he's not tipsy, he's a bit drunk, ol' Gaglu...
- Hiccup.
And the viper, who...
- Ssss- hiccup!
Of course, what was bound to happen happens, by which I mean the viper, er, ol' Gaglu walks and splat!
- Ouch! Heheheh...
He walks right on the viper. I mean right on her tail. Right away the viper stands up...
- I ssssstand up!
... in front of ol' Gaglu... She goes "Say, what, hey! Uh! You want I should bite you? Uh? Hey!"
- Ssssay, what, hey! Uh! You want I sssshould bite you? Uh? Hey!
Because she's angry, and she's a viper, so...
- Ssss! Ssss!
Now ol' Gaglu isn't particularly scared, because he's already seen some vipers, but still, he doesn't want to get bitten.
- Well, I'm sorry, I didn't see you...
And the viper: "Yes, but still, etc, etc."
- Yessss, but sssstill, etc, etc.
And ol' Gaglu does:
- But why were you hidden?
And the viper goes: "naaaah..."
- Nu-uh, I wassssn't hidden.
- Were too!
Er... Right. And while he was talking to her like this, that's where it gets interesting, talking to the viper, ol' Gaglu looks her right in the eyes like this, and suddenly fweet! He falls in love with the viper.
I'm gonna tell you why. Well, it's true that it's been a very, very long time since he started living alone in the forest. But still...
- Wh-wh-wh-what is he trying to say, this little... Hey. Hey. Come on.
Ol' Gaglu asks the viper:
- Say, would you like to come live? With me?
And the viper, she's not against it...
- Hiccup! I'm not againsssst it, you know!
So here they are, going home, together, to Gaglu's home.
The viper is rather happy, and she goes:
- If you want to, I'll bring back lotssss of mice! I'll wash the dishessss and bring you money!
- No! No way, I don't want to be chasing your own tail!*
- Hahahahaha!
Pfffhahaha. Well, alright. Time to sleep now.

That was the story of ol' Gaglu
So drunk he'd keel over
And of the viper with her pointy fangs
Drinking her last glass of booze
Ol' Gaglu, who'd drunk far too much
As usual
Suddenly felt the snake's bite
And they made a fine pair

Gagluuu... Gaglu, Gaglu...
Ol' Gaglu...

Come on, Gaglu, time to go. Gaglu!
- Yeah, yeah...
Come on, let's go to bed. And the viper, too. Come on! Hep hep hep!
- Ssss...
You make a fine pair, you two...
Hahaha... Shh!


-... Daaad!...
- God dammit.









*T.N.: The punchline, as it is a pun, is rather difficult to translate.
Ol' Gaglu says, in French, "Je ne veux pas vivre à tes crochets". Literally, this means "I don't want to live hanging by your fangs". The expression means to profit from someone else's work, living off of theirs, or to depend entirely on them, financially or materially.