Vampire Hunting

>You come from a long line of Vampire hunters
>The local Vampire has risen from her grave again and is trying to woo some poor boy from the town so she can get married and lose her V-card
>Not on your watch she's not
>You grab your whip, boomerang cross and enough holy water and throwing axes to bring a centaur to a crawl
>Kick down her front door and assault her servants
>Zombies are drop kicked, Skeletons are noogied, Sahuagin are given wet willies, ghosts are suplexed through the ground, you play keep-away with the Dullahan's head and you disrespectfully deny the tea and sandwiches the undead Kikimoras spent hours making for you
>After crashing your way through her castle and making sure to get mud all over the carpet you are finally stopped by Death herself
>Or at least that's what she calls herself, you know she's just a Lich that wears a skull mask
>"Oh great, another Vampire hunter, what is your business here?"
>You tell the Lich that you're here to kick that Vampire back into her coffin for another 100 years of NEET-hood
>She floats menacingly in the air as she prepares her scythe "Well... I'm sorry to inform you that I will have to put an end to your-"
>You jump and grab her ankles pulling her to the ground "Wh-what are you doing!? Let me go, you stupid mortal!"
>She swings her scythe at you and misses, but she accidentally tangles the brooch she wears around her neck with the scythe hilt and tears it off, sending the expensive jewel to the ground breaking it
>The Lich freezes in place as she falls over moaning like a tidal wave of pleasure hit her
>With her defeat you move onto the final boss
>You do a slide kick into the Vampire's throne room knocking over every candelabra and even rip the expensive red carpet
>Just as you prepare to shower her in holy water she pulls out a piece of paper?
>"Wait, please, before we do battle. Can you read this first?" she places it into your hands and it's a script? Like a play, it has all of your lines under the name 'Vampire Hunter'
>You ponder if you should go through with it, but the way the Vampire looks at you expectantly is just the way your sister would look at you when she wanted to play
>Die monster. You don't belong in this world!
>"It was not by my hand that I was once again given flesh. I was called here by HUMANS who wish to pay me tribute"
>Tribute!? you steal men's souls and make them your slaves
>"Perhaps the same could be said of all religions..."
>Nope, that was it
>You crumple up the paper and pack up your shit. You're here to keep a Vampire a virgin not roleplay for her
>"What!? Where are you going? C'mon, hunter, we can still fight"
>Nope it ruined the moment, you came here on heels of fire and now it's like you stepped into an Ice Queen's private bath
>"But if you don't stop me I'll kidnap some boy and force him to marry me"
>Fuck she's got a point
>Turn back around and unpack all your gear
>She teleports right in front of you
>You ask if she's ready
>"Of course I am, morta-"
>You whip her face and she falls over bleeding profusely, she even starts crying and whimpering
>Oh god maybe you went overboard
>You go over to help her up she tackles you to the ground and the last thing you see is her fangs
>You wake up hours later in a fabulous bed of red silk and laying next to you is the Vampire herself
>Clever girl

>disrespectfully deny the tea and sandwiches the undead Kikimoras spent hours making for you
YOU
HEARTLESS
B A S T A R D