first part freestyle, transcription soon

is this real, or did I manifest it
and if i did, ain't it real if i let it
be, thought pattern equal to belief
comprehend my mind and you receive
no assistance, lest you persist to perceive
don't forget that God grants man no reprieve
Jawbreaker mystique,
Ed edd and Eddy in heaven in eternal repeat,
every day just tweak about the same belief,
scheming towards some greater grief
 I'm a good boy, but I'm a better girl,
schemin on the space between gender,
i hope my space doesn't curl up ya reality,
circle sweep high punch, mask off fatality,
scorpion GET OVER HERE, know yo reality
the sails of my soul be at half mast,
meet me at the statue half past half past nine,
quarter before you ever remember you had a mind,
a stitch and a sage consist of the time
to design new reason and new mind schemas in season
Barz barz
fuckin here in my cars i feel safest of all,
sniffin xanax bars until I manifest the walls of perception,
break them down and manifest sense
 southern people ain't wanna say cross, like tyga say,  we faded
ternt up, but my desire ain't never satiated
feel me, i conceal the need to deteriorate, shit
decay and reveal the feed i will forever curate, it's
no reality until I can pervade in
perception, no more ego parade, shit,
ain't i lost and concealed in this container
pay my retainer and the dividend doubles the remainder
dissuade the anger cos i rather display my language
two three words, i spit without the bank of wit
integrate this, shit I intimate this existence, it
discriminates between hatred and pervasive compatriots
remake my reality however i display it, ain't it
as simple as perception, just conceive it and make it
fake wit and face splits, I collapse reality, like it ain't shit
Make it my realm of persistence and persuasion
I contend to demand that this is my occupation
I'm afraid I can't make it much longer, no patriot
NATIONALIST energy can replace this
persistence, i exist in these moments and stations
back on a mission to collapse these occasions
remake internal perception into rhythmic incantation
Don't you expect the muse, it comes in these incarnations
I hear you, little creature, returning

I'm chokin' on reality, save me
From me, I can't see what free is,
Just a lead, a twist, but I breathe
And my breath still tries to flee
Every time I open my mouth to speak
So I ponder lyrically about human philosophy,
Psychology and a lobotomy, I'm living for a fee,
At a cost, I'm lost and I can hardly be
Without being something else inside of me,
I see red and I wish death on the rest,
But there's no rest for the best, nor the worst,
I'm first and last to be smashed like glass,
With no catchy metaphors, I can't outlast
But I can rhyme and I can speak, sometimes fast,
Sometimes slow, I'm out of my caste,
My element is water, because I'll never last,
But my past behind me, I'm ready to cash
In my prize, and fly far away, I'll outlast
Myself and all else to the end, not too crass,
Just pissed and remissed, my point was missed,
But tomorrow's another day...
I'll live for the moment today;
What can I say? My heart still beats
And I can still feel heat, feel cold,
I can still breathe and believe
That it'll be another day soon, I swoon
On the thoughts of a new afternoon,
So bring me back like the sun and the moon;
I'm not tricky, not catchy, just sometimes a buffoon,
Something similar to a loon, I'll hide away
Like a raccoon till I can be me again,
But what's a life without sin?
Is there more meaning within the within?
Thoughts might coalesce without end,
But I tend to approach zen with my kin,
A mic, a beat, and energy to bend,
I'll tend to rend what's lent until the end,
Life on loan, my right to live will defend
The pretend message godsend that fends
And feigns ignorance, life is bliss
Without nonsense, no tenses like the present,
To live with the gift of sentience,
Nonsense over the fence, and hence
I will live yet to see...
I always seem to want what i can't have
seek too hard to find there's nothing to grab
no treasure at the end of this dungeon
leaving me here a stingy curmudgeon
all I really wanted was a chance to say
damn I really missed the opportunity
and I just got so lost in the immunity
the community of my mind commutes in time
to another thought pattern another line
another rhythm to distract me from the design
might i find a reason to try again? maybe
but don't bet all your chips on it baby
cos I guarantee you even if it comes
ill still be left lost and coming undone
the words still escape me to this very day
but I try my damned best still just to say
that my feelings never die no matter how hard i try
to forget just why this world defies
reason and logic between the lines
my love my loss my world my mind
save me wake me take me inside
twenty bucks says I won't last
plenty fucks given in the past,
but I still write it stand aghast
As if it matters if i can grasp
but i write metaphors, meta whores
get the meaning, better soar
higher if you trynna not abhor
defy words, this truth kinda lost before
define absurd, spit unheard thoughts afore
mentioned, battle contention within the schism
they say i need to fix my rhythm, well fuck them then
i think im really quite detached within the attrition
don't forget that the words are never ending