Deep Within the Amazon's Ziggurat

>be me, bonky
>i'm with my pal Pickle Homer
>we're slaves to the amazon
>...corporation
>we used to fill out captchas all day
>but for legal reasons we have been removed from that sector
>now they have us standing in as elves in amazon's 250 million lord of the rings series
>i ask if i can play a horse
>they say no, they need elves
>pickle homer asks if he can play a horse-man
>they say there are no horse-men in tolkien's mythology
>that sounds like a fib
>"that sounds like a fib" i say
>they tell me to take it up with the loremaster
>i will
>i say "i will"
>we're waiting around for the scene to start
>the air is really stuffy
>and we all have a huge amount of wardrobe and makeup and prosthetics on
>it took us six hours to get into it all
>a few amazon slaves have already passed out
>which is bad for them
>because we just eat the slaves that stop working
>but they can't have us staining everything with blood
>so they send out an ape with glowing coals for eyes and a whip to keep everyone away from the passed out elves
>he carries them away
>"i can't believe this" i mutter
>"i know, right?" someone says
>i look over
>it's amazon overlord jeff bezos
>JEFF BEZOS i say
>SHHHhhhhh he says
>"i'm an undercover boss"
>he winks at me
>"i love suffering in the grist mills of my own design
>i became one of the world's richest men
>but really all i wanted to ever be was a dirty stinky slave
>so that's why i built a slave empire
>so that everyone could experience what i can never truly have"
>i say wow that's really pathetic jeff bezos
>he just smiles, looking straight through me
>someone's shouting for quiet on the set
>the scene starts
>some elves start acting out a little morality play
>they jump around on elaborate high wire acts pretending to fight
>a lot of stuff doesn't make sense because it's all going to be finished in post with computers
>this lasts maybe twenty minutes
>they wrap up shooting for the day
>we start removing wardrobe and makeup and prosthetics
>pickle homer lost thirteen pounds in water weight
>i can no longer remember a lot of proper nouns i used to know by heart
>many months later pickle homer and i are scrubbing through the series to see ourselves
>we find the scene we were in
>we were completely replaced by digital elves