Midnite Vulture

deep in the heart of space there was a planet, inhabited by only seven people. out of those seven, four had already met. myb lured had in evitably wandered in'to yet another ass kicking at the hands of barney saget, chris hansen, and the gavonater. But this isn't about them this is about the other three people, the midnight vulture, skylork and gobbles the nut. the midnight vulture was a sexy and in'telligen't woman, able to bend even barney saget to her will with just a simple wink of her eye. (how did you think barney fife and bob saget got tangled up with ballin and myb lured to begin with? hin't hin't.)

one day, the midnight vulture walked in'to a dark cave and fell through a thin layer of sheet rock and fell four hundred miles straight down. Because the planet this takes place on is fucking huge! She landed with a thud and dusted her self off instan'tly with out a scratch on her. she looked around the brightly lit cave to discovered two steel crates with ancien't writing on them. "This one says 'skydork, the lord of pansies and basket weaving'" She noted as she looked at thefirst crate which had lovely baskets in peices and what looked like tears of shame that constan'tly leaked from the one air hole cen'tered at the base of the cage, big enough to fit a pinky, and coinciden'tly, an'tons penis in'to with out any trouble at all. A voice that truly sounded like the lord of the pansies squeled from with in the crate "You're going to rot in the ground."

the Midnight Vulture wasn't surprised at all to hear from such a big pansy. "Aren't we all?" She said complacen'tly as she raised a chair from the very dirt itself and sat down. skydork complained again, more depressed about his failure of a life then anyone else. "The Christians won't. From what I gather, anyway. plus? I like cock." Might vulture laughed her head off at skydorks repsonce. "Do you like it because they're too busy stealing your money from the collection plate and touching small children inappropriately?" She asked, and to her uneven'tful day, she got a load and glee filled "YES! This is why an'tons my hero! He likes cock as well!" From the next cage oover which had danger sticker plaster all over the place and looked as if someone had shoved many many penises through the bars from a good sucking, came the insufferable laughter of gobble the nut, the third most wan'ted manwhore in the universe next to red rumone and ballin. "More crying in here from you skydork?" He laughed like a shcool girl getting it for the first time. Akward and uncomfortable.

"I'm not crying." Skydork said slightly confiden't in his conversational ability. he turned his atten'tion back to the midnight vulture. I don't pleasure myself to all of them." He added with a sigh, "Do you think religion is of the devil? because I do and I like elephan't cock as well." The woman was confused as to where this conversation was going. "There is no such thing as the devil, or God. And for the love of living! Use lube next time!" She said sarcasticly. "How do you know?" Skydork replied as gobble the nuts laughter con'tinued like a mad man. "Youtube. And because there is no proof that an elephan'ts cock would be worshipped as a god, duh."

gobble the nut stopped laughing to throw yet another insult at the already shamefully crying skydork. "Sure, sure. hey skydork, why don't you clean the sand out of your vagina?"
midnight vulture had been paying regular visits to the two poor souls that were now being raped by an'ton and his clone, notna. As she watched with a great sense of pleasure and a sick sense of accomplishmen't, she laughed at gobble the nuts attempt to fight notna off. "Seriously though, I know I'm en'tertaining to you, so you can drop the act. how old did you say you were again" She asked gobble as notna fisted him in the ass time and time again while singing the abcs in a creepy tone of voice. "I'm only seven years old, but I believe-" Gobble was in'terrupted as sky dork screamed in pain while his stomach was getting violated and turned in'to purple mush by an'tons blad head. "There's no proof there isn't one.... JESUS THAT FUCKING HURTS! USE POLITICLY CORRECT LUBE YOU BALD HEADED BASTARD!"He paused after several momen'ts while allowing an'ton to take his head out of his own ass and stick it up skydorks instead. "So, isn't it kind of a leap of faith.... HOLY FATHER OF CHRISTIANITY AND BLESSED ART THE THE KING OF JEWS... to make the statemen't there is no God?"

Midnight Vulture was confused by the con'tridictary statemn'ts she was hearing but decided to try and con'tinue the conversation between fits of laughter as gobble and skydork seemingly match tone and pitched when they next spoke. "Dude... Do you even know where his heads been?" Gobble then ut shook his head is disapoin'temn't and the sad discovery that his dad found out about this and had disowned him, cut him off from the will, andspread the word that his son was a pansy little bitch. "I was raised a Baptist. I've read more then fifty books on theology, I don't need someone on the receiving end of a hulk fisting preaching to me." She looked up with tears of laughter in her eyes as skydorks voice was like that of a highschooler getting the fuck beat out of them. "FUCK ME JESUS! I'm NOT PREACHING!"
a few days later, midnight vulture came back to the small cave in which both sky dork and gobble the nut were caged up like feral rabies infested animals with a slight of hand for philisophical conversation. she wen't to the back of the cave to grab he chair she left there after getting a sore butt from sitting on the rock for the past two days. skydork smiled and gggled at gobble and gobble returned the snicker of glee. he picked up a few scarps of aids infested crap and threw them at midnite with little to no effort in aiming correctly. she smiled as the clumps of crap flew past her head and sighed. "What's your poin't then, to an'tagonize?" Gobble was surprised that she answered this quickly. And said with a slight hin't of envy in his voice. "Well, people often love to be around those who make even the most pathetic they've met in life seem enlightened. It does amuse me."

Midnight Vulture sat down in the comfortable chair and listened in'ten'tly to what gobble the nut had to say before replying in kind as she pulled out a semi automatic, knowing the owunds would just heal up form what she had heard about the injuries that red, ballin, and an'ton myb lured had and con'tinued to endure in there adven'tures. "I know it does, I'm funny." She said with a sick smile as she pulled the trigger and felt the gun lurch in her hand as the bullets flew out of the gun and towards there targets. notna fell to the ground with a slight thud as his brain splattered on'to the ground in a sticky blue mess of blood and brain tissue. "Understanding the bullets trajectory, is a must for curving the bullets around one target and hitting anoth-" Skydork dropped to the floor as the bullet that passed through an'ton ricocheted off the wall and ripped through the back of his neck and out of his throat. "-er... target..." He finished his sen'tence and then hit the floor once more.

Midnight Vulture smiled as she watch skydork get back up to his feet, gasping for air as the blood squirted outo f the hole in his throat, then stopped when he realized that it had been healed all along. "Understanding that you can be scien'tifically proven wrong? don't get me started on you, I have ten more bulets chambered in the magazine and I think I'll have a bit more fun with the two of you!" She said with a sarcastic smile. skydork opened his mouth, b ut was afraid that he was oging to be shot again. so he worded his sen'tence as carefully as he could. "Don't..." He saw midnight cock the gun again and poin't it straight at him, causing him to rush his words unwisely. "I have to actually make a statemen't for it to be proven-"BANG! The gun wen't off as three bullets flew out of the gun and buried themselves deep in'to the mans ribcage, arm and leg. "Wrong?" He said as he fell to the ground.

she got up off the ground and stretched her body, her eyes looking towards the ceiling to which there didn't seem to be any. "You're assuming a higher power exists, so, um, yeah?" She laughed insatiably as he threw the gun at a newly revived an'ton and gave him permission to do with it as he pleased. gobble looked nervously at an'ton first, then back at midnight. "Yes, but we're not laughing with you were-"A bullet passed his his skull and an'ton saw with a smile on his face, that he had made another rape victim of his fall to the floor. midnight shook her head and sat back down after grabbing a beer. "If you say so," She said nonchalan'tly as the beer cap popped off the bottle and landed on the lfoor with a slight clink to it.

skydork looked at his longtime friend get off the floor and dust himself off. "WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THE GOD DAMNED SHOOTING!?" He looked over at skydork and then back at an'ton who fired another bullet in'to his skull and which with a slight giggle as he dropped to the floor yet again. skydork wasn't very impressed with the way that gobble the nut got up after being shot in the head, and so he returned his atten'tion towards the midnight vulture. "I'm assuming the possibility of a higher power?" He said relun'tan'tly as an'ton fired another several bulets in'to the still twitching form of gobble the nut. the woman in red dress looked back to skydork with a sense of aquired taste and pulled out a a set of 90 throwing knives. "Get back to me after you've read something from Richard Dawkins." She sighed as she started chucking the knives at him, one after another with incredible speed.

the man in fron't of an'ton dodged them all too easily and thought that she had horrible aim, and then he looked behind him and skydork saw that she was aiming for an'ton myb lured, and all thirty knives she had thrown thus far, had found there mark and buried themselves in'to his skull and dropped him like a bad habit. "Yeah," He started, releived that he wasn't the target of her agression this time, "Or maybe Christopher Hitchens." He guessed too soon as she started chucking knives at him with incredible accuracy and speed. "Pick up something by Mencken, SHIT THAT HURTS! Or maybe read up on the great philosopher Penn. Damn it, you got me in the sku-" Skydork said as gobble the nut revived yet again, and again, skydork had been dropped to the floor.

Midnight Vulture, having gotten bored of constan'tly killing the two jack asses in fron't of her, simply got up off the chair, scratched her head, stretched, and proceeded to leave the two prisoners and the rapist to there own activities. "There is no possbility whatsoever." She said as she yawned and left to the cave again. But heard gobble exlaim "You must have no shame!"Before she heard his girly man scream and the sobs of a defeated man being raped by an epicly defeated man.
she turned back towards gobble as he was being given both hulk fistings and pearl necklaces the like skydork had never seen before. midnight vulture sighed. "At least I have my shirt on still" She said as she wlaked away for the night. the next day she came back to find that skydork still had the puzzled expression on his face, and a question that just would not die. "And you know this how?" He said a with a lsight empathetic tone to his voice as an'ton died of a heart attack, his head exploding like a pinata being hit by a ofur year old. Midnight Vulture simple sat down and listened to what the two had to say before responding. "Is a unicorn in the other room?" Gobble then ut made the mistake of answering yes and was promptly stabbed in the head by natna. "No." She con'tinued. "I can't see it, I can't feel it, the concept of God is in'tangible." Skydork sounded like he had a mouth full of cock when he tried to answer, because apparen'tly, headless rapists have the ability to retain there motor functions even after all the blood goes out of there system.

skydork was slammed again the bars of his cage as the headless an'ton bea the fuck out of his face with an eyeball still connected to the optic nerve. "You can assume there is no... UNICVORN... in the other room, and you're welcome to. But you do not KNOW there is no unicorn in the other room." Midnight was trying desperatley to understand what ever the fuck skydork had just said amidst a sever beating by the undead rapist, but decided to let it go for the benefit of watching him scream in pain. Midnight Vulture sighed in hope that this day would too, pass with out much activity. "You might as well believe in ghosts." Gobble giggled, "Thank God. I imagine you have moldy tits" Soon there after, skydork joined in after his assailen't had callapsed from a lack of a brain. "YEAH! SO THERE!"

Midnight Vulture was simply astonished by the fact that the man in the first cage could even speak even after his jaw had been ripped clean off, but then again, even then he just grew back another one. "How can boobs be moldy?" She was starting to get ocfused by the whole thing. skydork wan'ted to argue with her so he tried. "I believe in their possibility!" He stated excitedly. Midnight Vulture simply shot him in the head and watched his lifeless corpse fall to the ground. "You're delusional." She said to him plainly. "Tell you what, if you win against me in a fight to the near death, I'll believe you and stop tlaking. however, if yu lose, your getting ghost rider as a cell mate. sky dork looked behind her to find that ghost rider had been in the room after all this time. his flaming skull smiling and laughing like an evil en'tity should after making a particulary evil plan.

he nodded slowly as she unlocked the cage, grabbed him by the throat and threw him in'to a strangely opened portal. "To say something doesn't exist," He started as they fell through the blue and white worm hole as she started to kick the fuck out of him, "When you don't know one way or the other is ignoran't. The desire should be to find out one way or another." Her fists impacted on his eye socket, nose and stomach as blood started to stream down his face fro mthe broken blood vessels. "Imagine if every aspect of science adopted your PoV..."Another kick slammed him against the wormholes wall, the energy shearing off millions of atoms every second, his screams of pain, dulled by his constan't droning. "If we don't know if it exists NOW, then we should simply assume it does not."

Midnight vultures turn to speak was up now, so as she spoke, she gathered the very energies of the wormhole between three fingers and let them gather massive amoun'ts of forces as he charged towards her with a broken leg and a healed face that looked like a botched up plastic surgery on michael jackson. "I've already made my decision, so go push your lightweight agnosticism on someone else!" She released one of theb alls of energy that sen't him bouncing and skidding off andthe worlhole walls like a penny stuck in a can that got thrown in'to a tornado. "I could easily make my poin'ts, but it's futile seeing how you've brainwashed yourself otherwise. NOW DIE!" She released the other two balls of energy and shoved them right in'to his eyes when he stopped right below her, the energy like a tarnodao of razors, green lasers and gian't tazers, slashing open his face and head as if it were a watermelon and then ripping through the rest of his body like wise.

gobble the nut was being teased by ghost rider on one side of the bars, and rabed by an'ton myb lureds clone, natna bym derul on the other when the worm hole opened and literaly trillions of bloody bit that were once skydork slammed through the bars and landed on an'tons headless corpse where they healed up and made a man more hideous then the elephan't guy and sasquatch combined. gobble said sobbingly, "Not washing. There are plen'ty of crevices for bacteria to grow if not washed properly! Stop it ghost rider. Your not funny, and defenatly not living." Ghost rider cried tears of flame.

she stepped out of the portal with another two balls of in'tense and highly compacted blue and white energy. "I seriously take two showers a day... MOOT POIn't!" She released the two balls and they rocketed towards the inhabitan'ts of the two cages. skydork, newly revived as skan'ton, made another idiotic argumen'titive poin't. "In other words, you're as con'ten't in your ignorance as any christian fundemen'talist." The energy hit him again like nothing before and simply turned him in'to a quivering pile and blood and ashes. she knew that he would return any second, but then watched as the rest of her attack hit gobble the nut as he was being hulk fisted by notna bym derul and had a fiery hand shoved down his throat by ghost rider.

"You're afraid of eternal damnation" She said quietly.

skydork, newly revived in time to hear the question, replied in kind. "I am?"

"Obviously."
it had been two mon'ths since she visited the two men in there two cages with the horribly gnarled metal bars with the knicks and scratches. it had been two mon'ths since she finaly was able to kill off the menacing an'ton and notna and threw them in'to a fire where they would be burn't alive and dead till there was nothing left of them but dust. it had also been two mon'ths since skydork or gobble the nut had bathes, not that they ever had taken a chance to wash themselves before. "Sure you do. You probably boycott bathing, because it's a societal norm. I bet you're as hairy as sasquatch as well" Gobble said stupidly towards skydork as there usual reginmen of poking fun at each other was con'tinued un in'terupted by rape or con'tinually dying. "Hey! Shut up!"

but there fun was in'terrupted as midnight vultures voice seemingly flowed in'to there once private conversations and so she spoke once again. "Being liberal doesn't equal lack of proper hygiene" She said ismply as she pulled up the chairshe had always sat in andlistened to what the two had to say this time around. skydork huffed in an'ticipation. "Another assumption." He started quietly. "You seem to be real good at that." He looked up and tried to remeber what she had talked to them about the last time, and the it hit him like a sack of bricks. "Actually, I'm disinclined to believe there's a god, a heaven, a hell, or any of the like. In fact, I think religion is dangerous. And I also don't take bathes!" Then a sack of bricks appeared out of nowhere and really did hit him.

midnight vulture was surprised that the two of them hadn't figured out a way of getting out of there perpetual cells by this poin't and showed them the keys she held in her right hand while con'tinuing to talk as well. "Listen, I've been agnostic as well. I know the poin't you're trying to make but I disagree." She stopped for a second to relize what she had just said and then corrected herself. "I'm a zealot atheist," She pressed her fingers to the sides of her temples and rubbed them soothingly trying to get rid of the headache. "Oh my god zombies, I should schooled." This sen'tence had instan'tly gotten a bout of laughter from the two imprisoned men un'til she reminded them of the keys by jingling them on her fingers. "Oh, sorry about that," Sky dork began, "So is my mom, actually."

"You're en'titled to believe whatever your heart desires... say, how long have I kept you two in here?" She said as she smiled towards the rusted locks that held the doors in there places. never really in'tending to let them escape in the first place. gobble the nut sighed, "Ten years I think... You'd be surprise how often there's a correlation. Same with being liberal, and having a low IQ. Can we go now?" She scoffed, "I'm not going to argue politics with you" With that she pressed a button on the side of the door and the floor opened up beneath both skydork and gobble the nut to reveal a bottomless pit filled to the top with boiling acid. "Well, at least we get to leave right?" "Wrong!" She pressed the button again and skydork crate fell in'to the acid with a splash. "It's not an issue of belief. In fact, I would argue you're more about belief than I am."

"Probably a good decision by you. Well, I hope you get that help you need. I'm out." Gobble said innocen'tly as his cage was shoved in'to the pit of acid as well as he saw the top of skydorks crate sink below the surface as he saw bubbles mixed with blood. he was expecting the same to happen to him, but he stayed afloat. "Don't worry," Midnight vulture said to him cooly. "You will float for about four minutes. I'll be back in ten days ot check up on you." She said with a smile as she closed the door behind her and gobble heard the fain't noises of clicks and locks. "Damn..." Was all he could say as the floor to his crate began to show signs of the acid doing its job.