Is Now a Good Time?

>be me, bonky
>i'm at the McDonalds with my friend Pickle Homer
>Miles Davis is in a booth
>he keeps looking around as if he's being spied on
>he keeps getting up
>he keeps looking at the menu
>but when the cashiers ask him if he's ready
>he says "i ain't ready. i ain't ready."
>he sits back down
>this keeps happening
>we go up to him
>we say "hey miles davis, what's going on?"
>he just mutters "they're comin' for me."
>he keeps muttering "i'm gonna kill the sonofabitches."
>at that moment the chef pokes his head out of the kitchen
>the chef yells "Everybody get out! Get out!"
>we're not sure if we should get out
>nobody seems to be paying attention
>least of all miles davis
>suddenly i start throwing up my fries
>i coated them in syrup
>because they didn't taste good
>i throw up on miles davis
>he leaps up like a cat bit him
>i'm very scared of miles davis
>he says "get your ass to the bathroom"
>i scramble as fast as i can to the bathroom
>i'm still upchucking syrupy fries
>i run into the bathroom
>i check behind me to make sure miles davis remembers to come with me
>i'm not supposed to be in public bathrooms alone
>he looks really mad!
>he hurries his last few steps
>miles davis slips on my syrupy fry puke
>he falls
>he bonks his head on the floor
>he's a great jazzmaster but i'd rate his bonk at a 1/10
>miles davis has passed out!
>Pickle Homer sees The Great Miles Davis fall
>he starts shouting for a doctor
>four doctors arrive
>they say they are officially licensed and trained mcdonalds doctors
>they start discussing what to do
>[suspicious music plays]
>i see miles davis's eyes flutter open
>he starts coughing and sputtering
>he's slipping and spluttering around on the ground
>the doctors shout
>HE HAS FRY FEVER!
>HE HAS BURGERMNESIA
>HE HAS NUGGET-INDUCED DEMENTIA
>HE HAS SHAKE-N-BABY SYNDROME
>the four doctors say EVERYONE in the McDonalds is infected
>they start running around locking the place up
>more people are pouring in
>the people locked out are slamming on the doors demanding to be let into the McDonalds
>what happens next, my friends, i can hardly write it
>but it is true
>the four doctors
>[sad music]
>[singing all four in unison like a barber shop quartet]
"There was an old lady who swallowed a fly
they asked me to help her and what'd i reply
i said i'm only a doctor, man, get her a priest
she's gobbling them up like she's sat at a Feast
and mister miles davis is going to die
he's dying alone and he's going to cry"
>now pickle homer and i have known miles davis for a long time
>and even though he's the blackest man we've ever met
>by far
>he turned white as a sheet
>not physically, mind you
>but his whole being, his presence
>white
>he's reeling
>he's overstimulated
>we have to get him out of this mcdonalds!
>but we're all under lockdown
>crackers, miles mutters
>crackers got me shook
>we realize miles davis doesn't have his instruments
>he's being overpowered by lame honky music
>and pop hits piped in over the loudspeakers
>we shout
>this man doesn't have fry fever!
>he doesn't have burgermnesia!
>and it's not nugget-induced dementia!
and certainly not shake-n-baby syndrome
>this man is jazz deprived!
>miles davis looks at us in utter disbelief
>we can see in his eyes he's hardly there anymore
>we ask if there's a jazzmaster in the restaurant
>nobody answers
>we ask if we can please borrow someone's smartphone
>they look at us as if we're crazy
>no one is willing to lend a stranger a smartphone in this town
>we say this is why people hate sacramento!
>we say we're sorry
>for our outburst
>but we beg them
>we tell them it's an emergency
>we say it's for the Legendary Jazzmaster Miles Davis
>none of them know who he is
>miles davis is fading!
>he wasn't turning white!
>he's literally fading!
>he's becoming transparent!
>we can't let a jazz great fade under our watch
>red horse trots up to us
>he says yeah you can borrow my iphone
>we ask aren't you supposed to be in hell?
>he says yeah mcdonalds is hell
>he has a faraway look in his eyes
>we shudder in the presence of this mysterious and unknowable horse
>miles davis has passed out
>we put the phone down on the floor next to him
>we start by playing "Lush Life" by Horace Silver
>no response
>immediately switch to a record by Duke Ellington
>"Diminuendo and Crescendo in Blue"
>nothing
>wait!
>pickle homer points to the corner of miles davis's mouth
>he's drooling!
>picke homer says it's a good sign
>it's even a great sign
>but we need to get him out of here
>we'll have to start his rythmichemical jazzstream with a rapid infusion of broken time beats
>it's called induced original desyncopation
>i am the only one who can get the jazz this man needs
>but i need you, bonky, to perform an inversion bonk!
>i say i can't do that
>he says sure you can
>watch me invert pickle homer he says
>remoh elkcip
>i freak out
>i'm running
>i'm stampeding
>i'm a one horse stampede
>i'm bonking!
>i'm bonking everything in the mcdonalds!
>i'm booking and bonking!
>i want to save miles davis!
>even though he scares me!
>he deserves to live!
>he has that right!
>i need to help him!
>i'm ashamed by my fear!
>Pickle Homer is rushing at me
>he was wearing a mcdonalds towel earlier to hide his sexual organ in the mcsauna
>it must have come off
>that's against the mcrules
>he tackles me
>i hit the mcground
>we're going 40 mph (mcdonalds per hour)
>he asks me if this is a good time to bring up the rent i owe him