Oregairu Vol 12, Chap 7

Oregairu V12 Chapter 7: Despite knowing that I’ll regret that decision

Credit to goodguytesla for translating this chapter.

===BEGIN PART 1===

On the day when the morning was soaked by the rain of the four-warm-days, I spent the day normally, in sharp contrast to the turbulent previous days. (TL: four-warm-days refers to the four warmer days immediately following the three colder days in a week, a typical climate pattern in the East Asian countries during winter times.)

After classes when dozing allured me, I could hear the sound of hurried footsteps approaching me, while I yawned and began to prepare myself to go home. As if repeating the habit from previous days, Yuigahama patted my shoulder.

“Hikki~ Let’s walk home together~.”

A sigh escaped my mouth, after remembering what happened the other day on my way back home from the guest room. Yuigahama tilted her head like an owl as if asking “You won’t come?”. I quickly sensed that her attitude was her way of being considerate towards me.

“Yea. Well, Let’s go then.”

I decided to respond toward that attitude by stretching vigorously like a cat and slowly standing up.

After leaving school, we continued our way toward the station. Our route home today had coincided thanks to the morning rain. Yuigahama spoke to me about all kinds of things as she shook her umbrella while in a good mood.

“Ah, well then, remember what we said about the home made cake? My mom said that you could come to our home and do it there. In fact, my mom was probably the one who was more excited than I was, so much so that I felt a little embarrassed about it…”

“That really makes it uncomfortable to go… Having heard the extra second half of your sentence, made it even more uncomfortable for me to go…”

Yuigahama forced a troubled smile after hearing what I had said, after which she slid her hand into one of her pockets and grabbed her cell phone.

“Hmm~ well, Hikki-, if we go to your house, Komachi-chan will find out, after all.”

Yuigahama lowered her gaze toward her cell phone. “Eh?” Yuigahama moaned, and then immediately stop walking.

“It looks like the prom planning seems to be going pretty badly.”

Having said that, Yuigahama showed me her phone. On the screen was the LINE application. I assumed that the interface showed a LINE group chat. The heading title read “Service Club”, I had noticed the names of “Yukinoshita Yukino” and “IroIroIrohasu”. There were too many punchlines to comment on in that regard, but all that desire disappeared after reading that last message.

“The school decided to cancel the prom? What do they mean? What happened to the negotiations?”

“Should I ask them through LINE?”

“No, it’s fine. It’s much faster to talk about this with those superiors who are responsible for this directly. I’ll make a call.”

I turned my back at Yuigahama after declaring that, and began to distance myself a few steps from her. As I waited for my call to connect, I looked at Yuigahama out the corner of my eye. I could see her stern face as she read the conversation through LINE, and she would occasionally turn to worriedly look at me as well.

After impatiently hearing the call tone for a while, I could hear Hiratsuka-sensei sigh through the cell phone speaker.

“What happened to the prom?”

I threw my words out before Hiratsuka-sensei could speak, to which I could hear her voice after she sighed for a long time, as if she had grown tired of all this.

“I’ll explain it to you another day. Right now we’re trying to deal with the problem. Later, when things have calmed down…”

“Wait, how many days do you think we’ll lose if we do that? We won’t be able to take things back if we wait so long.”

“But there’s nothing to take back. Besides, do you intend to help with the prom now?”

“A-ah, no… The schedule would be problematic if they say afterwards that they are allowing us to hold the prom again.”

“Well, I wonder about that. I don’t think that’s impossible, though.”

Her voice had a firm determination. I attempted to deny her immediately in my mind.

As demonstrated the other day when being cornered, Isshiki Iroha wouldn’t easily give up. Above all, Yukinoshita Yukino also wouldn’t easily give up on the wish that she finally managed to bring up. I wouldn’t let her do it.

Perhaps sensing the irritation mixed in with my sigh, Hiratsuka-sensei seemed to have given up, and said.

“I guess I can’t hide it from you… We haven’t told you that the suspension of the prom is at the request of Yukinoshita. Try to digest that. Having this in mind, I’ll ask you again, do you still have any reasons to help with the prom?”

As soon as I heard that, the words that I had been thinking of had all but disappeared. I believed the concept of time had also disappeared from my mind at that instant.

When I heard Hiratsuka-sensei call me ‘hello, hello?’ through my cell phone, I realized that I had completely blanked out for a while.

“I don’t know what you’re thinking, if you stay quiet during a phone call. It’s a bad habit of yours. Put it concretely into words… I’ll wait for you.”

After hearing Hiratsuka-sensei’s soothing words that she slowly spoke out, I could finally grasp the situation. A reason. A reason. A reason.

“The reason is, well, not only are we in the same club, but also in the same boat.”

I had spoken hastily as I looked for words to say, but I couldn’t hear any kind of reaction during the phone call.

I couldn’t hear anything but breathing from the other side. That reaction had me irritated. Hiratsuka-sensei, you’re supposed to know me already!

“I have no way of putting it into words. It’s something important, that’s why I can’t say it. I need to think it over, follow the right steps, try not to make mistakes, and make sure that… Sensei, it’s something that you’d do as well, right?”

Didn’t you also try *not* to tell us that you’d be leaving your post? Wasn’t that not also important? - I intended to say that to her, yet I chose to bite my teeth tightly as to avoid saying it at all costs. Nevertheless, I could feel that my words had already slipped away.

“Hikigaya, I’m sorry. Despite all that, I’ll keep waiting for you… That’s why, just say it to me.”

It was the first time I had heard sensei asking for forgiveness with such sad voice and in such kind words.

All the reasons had disappeared since the moment she revealed that to me. The only excuses that I could come up with at the moment, were either related to my job, the club activity, or something about Komachi. For that reason, no matter how hard I tried to phrase my answer in different ways or using different words, I realized that it all eventually came down to these excuses.

For that reason, it didn’t matter how I tried to say it during the call, my mouth only changed into different shapes, without being able to form any words.

The only thing that remained for me to use, was the relationship between us. It was extraordinarily easy to frame it as the reason, since it had been a codependent one after all. I could easily say that ‘I was able to confirm the meaning of my existence by having her depend on me’. I could easily convince myself with that. However, that wasn’t the real answer. The codependency was only the plain structure of our relationship. It wasn’t our feelings. I could probably use it as an excuse, but it couldn’t be the real reason.

After thinking to such extreme and digging up everything I could think of, I felt that the only thing left in my heart was this feeling of regret.

However, that was something I did not want to say. It was the most pathetic reason, after all. But on the other hand, this sensei wouldn’t let me move forward, if I didn’t answer her. I knew that she was doing this to me in order to let myself give some excuses in this way.

Therefore, holding my forehead and giving a huge sigh, I decided to say it in a low voice so she would understand that I was reluctant to say it.

“It’s because, I made a promise once, that I would help her one day.”

To say that I would help her, and using that reason so casually as if doing it because she asked me to. That excuse in the form of a cliché was totally irrational and boring, and it made me feel incredibly disgusting.

“That’s fine… I’ll make some time, so come immediately.”

After saying it in a pleased, satisfactory manner, Hiratsuka-sensei cut the call unilaterally. I put my phone away, and returned to Yuigahama, who had been keeping some distance away from me for a while. Yuigahama gestured with her eyes, as if asking *how did it go?*

“Sorry to make you wait… I’m going to Hiratsuka-sensei’s place now.”

After apologizing to her briefly, I decided to tell her what I planned to do for now. After that, Yuigahama blinked her eyes.

“Ah, I see. What are you going for?”

“First to understand what’s happened. To be honest, since I have no idea what happened, I can’t really do anything else otherwise.”

Yuigahama broke into a smile after hearing my unreliable, hopeless answer.

“I see. But if Hikki is the one that goes, it looks like those things will somehow get resolved.”

Yuigahama emphatically nodded her head a couple times to reaffirm my words. I could see a bright drop run down her face, as she continued to do so. The moment I saw that, I swallowed my breath. Perhaps noticing how surprised and dumbfounded I looked, Yuigahama also began to notice her tears, and immediately wiped them off with her fingers.

“Eh, ah, tears began to come out when I just started to feel relieved. Ah, that was surprising~”

Yuigahama made a long sigh, rubbed her hands and pressed her palms together. Since she said it as if it was taken for granted and it all happened naturally, I got a hold of myself, regained my composure and began to speak.

“No, I’m the one who was surprised… Are you alright? Let’s go to your house first.”

“Eh? Ah, I’m fine, I’m fine! I think this is rather normal for a girl.”

Yuigahama pulled the sleeves of her cardigan out, and wiped her eyes. She smiled in embarrassment, and began to play with her hair bun.

“Ah~ It’s because there were so many things I didn’t understand… I really felt relieved at being able to understand at least one thing now. In fact, I think I’m really fine now.”

Certainly the expression on her face had been very serious when she was browsing LINE. It might have been a result that naturally comes after being so stressed, and then relieved. As I watched her closely, Yuigahama’s lips formed a smile,

“You exaggerated, Hikki. It’s not a problem, you can go now. I’ll be watching through LINE when I arrive home, so let me know if anything happens.”

Yuigahama expressed her intentions of returning home, as she adjusted her backpack and waved her cellphone.

“Ah, okay. I really appreciate it. I’ll be going then. See you tomorrow. Be careful on your way back.”

“It’s not a problem, this is very much my neighborhood.”

Yuigahama waved her hand lightly after saying that. I also started to walk slowly, as if pacing myself to the rhythm of her hand waving through the air.

After taking a few steps, I turned my head back, since I was still a little bit worried, but then I could no longer see Yuigahama at that place.

I gave a huge sigh, and began to run with all my strength.

(Illustration P356-357: Yuigahama wiping her tears of and Hikigaya turning back.)

===END CHAPTER 7===