Anon+kobold=?

>Be Anon. The kingdom's greatest wizard. That's their title for you at least.  You were not over thirty, and you didn't practice magic, but when you showed up in in some church one day after a successful suicide attempt. Makarov in hand. The clergy thought you to be a miracle. You spent the next weeks fixing all of their tiny old world problems.
>Common knowledge and a highschool diploma made you the smartest person in the world.
>You used this title and money it brought along to buy a plot of land out of town, and have a house built out of the most modern of construction materials. Concrete! It was definitely the sturdiest house in the kingdom. Your NEET life style was secured. Perfect timing too, all the talking to people, and planning your home has taken your patience with people to zero.
>You crack open a book. It's no internet, but it's a good substitute.
>Why slay a dragon when you have a platoon of writers and adventurers constantly spinning tales about dragons?
>*Knock* *Knock*
>You slam the book close. Then answer the door. It's the king's messenger. Some snot nosed rich boy. He's alright, despite his royalness.
>"Great wizard, may I come in?"
>Not likely.
"What's it this time?"
>"The corn sir, it won't grow anymore. The land is barren."
"Just the corn?"
>"In the corn fields."
"The corn fields?"
>"The field where we plant corn."
"Only corn?"
>"Only corn?"
>He nods. Ah, guess they don't know about crop rotation. You tell him to start planting soybeans, in between each time they plant corn.
>He takes out a parchment and quill. Transcribing your words. Must be hard to write standing up. The quill stops.
>"How's it work sir?"
>How does crop rotation work? No clue, just seen it alot back home in Midwest state.
You put on your great sage voice. "Corn takes a magic out of the ground. Soybeans refresh that magic, and the soy takes magic out of the ground that the corn puts in. Balanced magic."
>He meticulously writes that down.
>"Thank you sir, the king will be most pleased." He bows then takes his leave
You call after him "Where's my shipment of books?"
>He keeps walking.
>Great, you might have to reread one of your old books before a new one gets here.


What an interesting reaction. Lich, the lich watched the kobold blood dissolve into the strong acid. He had obtained this blood from the female kobold the dragon sold him.  He swirled it around, watching it change from dark red to brown. Not much different from the male kobold's blood. He stuck his skull over the flask. He took a deep breath. He didn't smell anything. He was undead. He clicked his teeth in annoyance. No one tells you about how much you'll miss smells and tastes once you're a lich. Perhaps he can get one of his prisoners to describe the smell. He hadn't checked in on them in awhile. Where they still alive? How long had it been since he fed them? His sense of time was slipping too. With no natural light in his underground hideout, it could have been days. He stood up, sighed, then grabbed the bag of dried food stock. Time to feed the test subjects.
He took the keyring out of his pocket, flipping key after key over until he found the right one. The door unlocked with a click. There was no one in the room. Where could they be hiding? He locked the door behind him. Making sure that if they did try anything funny they would be unable to escape. He searched the room. Flipping over their dirty bed sheets.  he Smashed the crates he gave them for furniture. Surely they were in here. He always kept this room locked. Perhaps they were under the floor? He began to dig. Looking for any signs of a tunnel. Nothing. He found nothing. "They didn't just fucking vanish. Did I leave the door unlocked?" He asked himself. Even if he did. The underground lair was a bunker. The only way out being a path through many locked doors, along with some magic seals. They had to be around here somewhere.
Grey mud fell on his back. He rightened himself. Another glob of grey mud, thick as tar and course as sand fell. It landed upon his head. Ahah! He had found their escape route. Through the ceiling! Another few gallons of the grey dirt fell on his face. He wiped it off, humiliated. He tried to climb up the hole. It was too steep. No good. The grey sludge was coming down quicker. From a few bucket loads to a steady stream.
The grey sludge kept coming. It was now above his ankles. He gave up on trying to climb up the hole. Preferring to retreat before he became stuck in whatever hair brain trap those kobolds came up with. He grabbed the key ring. Flipping through the keys. The mud on his hands made his bones slippery. The keys fell into the grey liquid. He reached into it to grab them. He couldn't find them. He frantically began to scrape the bottom of the puddle for the keys. The viscosity of the liquid dulled his already faint sense of touch. More of the grey soup fell.

>Be Gree, the kobold. Very sneaky, very happy kobold!
>Ora, your sister, was good digger, but you're the good planner.
>Scary bone man not smart. Never look up when grabbing kobold.
>Gree noticed when he take Ora away for scales.
>Bad memory. Always taking blood. Always scraping away scales. Very painful.
>But now happy times. Tunnel into wine.
>Lots of wine. Thank sky dragon!
>Dragon… thinking of dragon brings bad memories. Boss dragon. A large red land dragon. Who could breathe fire, who ruled thousands of other kobolds. He good leader.
>Gree used to think. Until he took us to scary bone man. He give us away. Bone man gave Big Red bags of gold, and books. Been in bone man lair since.
>But then Gree had plan! Yes back to happy thoughts. Now wine time!
>Gree watch Ora kick the wine barrel. Her strong legs come from her wide hips. Only her toe claws Pierce wood. Gives three holes to drink from.
>You watch the red wine pour out onto Ora, her orange scales turning darker orange from red wine. Her white freckles being stained pink.
>She cute, not smart. Gree smart. Gree have green scales. Mean Gree work green things. Plants, mainly. Ora orange, work with minerals and fire, why she such good digger.
>Also why her tail so thick. Very sexy. If not hatch mate would definitely mate.
>Bad thought! You place your face under the wine. Unhinging your jaw to catch the spill. The taste watches away your bad thought.
>Wine washes away all thoughts actually. Body feel fuzzy. Tired. Now. Ora yawns. You hug for warmth while you drift away.

>Be Anon.
>Why is water running? You swear you hear water running.
>You check your sink. Your sink is just two metal basins, there is no running water in this time period.
>You follow the sound of the water.
>It's coming from your wine cellar.
>You grab your Makarov from your belt. With only 7 rounds left you hope it's just rats. Would hate to waste a round on a bandit.
>You kick open the door.
>There's two lizard people sleeping in your basement. The whole fucking floor is flooded with your fucking wine.
>You point the gun at them. Angry enough to kill.
>One of them hiccups in their sleep. Their tiny chest convulsing slightly. The other one, the green one, stirs, yawns, then grips the orange one in a tight hug. The orange one places it's head on top of the green one's head.
>Heh, kinda cute.
>Welp. You're calmed down now. What to do with them though? Don't you have a cage somewhere around here? Nope, well you can just lock them in the broom closet.
>You lock them in the closet. Then grab some excess concrete from when your house was made. Pouring it down the hole.
>It takes way longer than it should to fill their stupid hole.