hanahaki hiei

Hiei loves Yusuke. It's something he can't ignore, not anymore. He loves Yusuke, would do anything for Yusuke, yearns to belong at Yusuke's side... whether he likes it or not. Loving Yusuke is just a fact that he has to live with. Or, more accurately, die with.

Isn't it just Hiei's luck that his love for Yusuke just had to coalesce into Hanahaki.

It had begun not long after the business with Sensui was over and done with, as a persistent itch in his lungs that he couldn't shake. From there, a stubborn cough, even as he returned to the Makai at Mukuro's request, only to become her number two a year later. By the time of the tournament, he was coughing up petals, fat round ones in red, and white, and yellow. Mostly red He'd incinerate them whenever he saw them, destroying any evidence. It took effort, but he was able to keep himself from coughing around others, only saving it for whenever he was alone. And nobody suspected anything when the ever-aloof Hiei would zip away from company.

But it's becoming more difficult to hide. He's distanced himself from Mukuro, abandoned the job he was ordered by King Enki to perform. He's dying, he's long since realized. Surely, the flowers and roots must be grown all through his lungs by now. He knew this would be how it would end, since the moment he first saw a wet, red petal sitting in his palm after he'd coughed into it, well over a year ago. He could see no other way the disease could end, after all, and he had few qualms with his own death. Only that he couldn't find a proper fight to take him out first.

See, Hanahaki is a rare, cruel disease from the Makai. It's not one that is caught from germs, or parasites. No one really knows its true origin, but it's thought to be a persistent curse. It's born from unrequited love, cursing the demon who contracted it with flowers that take root in their lungs, growing and spreading until the victim perishes. Unless, of course... the love is requited. If the object of that demon's pining affection returns those feelings, then the curse is lifted, and the flowers free the demon's lungs, and they can live their happy life with their beloved.

As if that would happen for *Hiei*. Hiei, the cursed child, thrown from the floating cliffs of his frozen homeland on the day of his birth, in fear of his fierce, fiery nature. Hiei, the bandit, abandoned by his criminal foster family, in fear of his taste for violence and death. Hiei, whose sister would be better off, happier, without being burdened by having a monster for a brother. Hiei, who knows he could never be loved. Not even by Yusuke, that fool who trusted a demon who wanted him dead, and managed to turn his heart.

But it's fine, he thinks. Again, his only regret was that he hadn't been killed by Shigure, or that he hadn't died in the tournament, or that he's found little else to offer him a challenging death in combat and glory. But maybe a quiet death isn't so bad, either. It gives him time to put his affairs in order... settle some old scores, return borrowed things, repay old debts. Say his goodbyes, even if he's the only one who knows they're goodbyes meant for forever. And then he can slip away, unnoticed and easily forgotten, and all he will be after that is a memory as his former companions may wonder, 'hey, whatever happened to Hiei?' before they move on with their lives.

He'll disappear into the wilds- of Makai or Ningenkai, he hasn't yet decided, but he wants it to be remote and surrounded by trees. There, he will quietly die. The flowers in his lungs will feed on his corpse until they can reach the sunshine, until all that's left of him is his bones, marking the borders of a new flowerbed. He's not one for beauty and poetry, but even he can feel that a death like that is just so, and it feels somehow calming. He almost looks forward to it.

They say that the flowers grown in the lungs by Hanahaki are symbolic to the love of the victim. But Hiei knows nothing about flowers or their symbology, that's more Kurama's thing. When mangled camellias spill from his throat, he wonders only briefly what they might mean, before burning them to ash.


Hiei had already finished his business with Mukuro, merely telling her he intended to leave for some time, and asking her to give back the hirui stone she'd borrowed. He had a feeling that she suspected something was up, but he only gave enough to let her draw whatever conclusions she felt like. For all she knew, he was merely planning on reconciling with his sister at long last. That couldn't be farther from the truth, of course, as he refused to go to the grave cursing her with her brother not only being who he is, but also immediately abandoning her. No, a long-dead brother was better for her. He'd give her both their hirui stones back, tell her it was all he could recover of her dead and gone brother, and let her mourn in peace with his keepsake.

He only had to gather the strength to do so. He'd tried already, showing up one evening at the Kuwabara residence where she currently stayed. But he'd run away before he'd even seen her... after realizing that closing his business with Kuwabara himself was harder than he'd expected. Because it had to have been Kuwabara who met him at the window he decided to make his entrance at, and they had fallen quickly into their usual bickering, Kuwabara demanding to know what Hiei was doing there and Hiei demanding he be left to his own business. Insults slung back and forth. Hiei spat out a harsh and hasty goodbye along with an accusation of wasting his time, when it hit him how much he'd missed this, since he hardly ever saw Kuwabara anymore. At least he wouldn't have to miss it anymore, once he was gone. He refused to wonder, as he fled back into the night, whether Kuwabara would miss it, too.

It'd probably be a bad idea to pay a visit to Kurama, in his state, no matter how well he had his symptoms under control. A disease that took the form of plants that ravage the body? Kurama is probably a leading expert on the topic. But Hiei wouldn't be able to live with himself, even for what little time he had left, if he didn't at least speak to his old companion one last time before he left for good. He can just visit, pretend he's just there to ask about an odd plant he saw, maybe deliver some seeds he'd thought Kurama might find interesting, maybe just seek out a place that's quiet and safe. Kurama was always good for that last thing, whenever Hiei needed it, and he only sometimes pried.

But Kurama, he'll visit later, after he's gathered the nerve and schooled his behavior to best hide his ailment from the far too perceptive fox. For now, he is... weak. Coughing fits take him more and more frequently, and it grows more difficult to hold them back, petals and entire flowers making a mess of his hands and the front of his clothes. One of the fits took him as he was bouncing across the tops of buildings in the human world, fumbling his leap and sending him tumbling into an alley. Luckily, despite the clamor of his fall and loud coughing, no one had seen him before he was on his feet and gone again, leaving only a mess of shattered camellias on the dingy ground. He's running out of time, at this rate. And his business isn't done.

He still needs to close the books with Yusuke. He's only seen the former spirit detective a few times since the tournament, at least once for business, and the rest because Hiei was in the area and had heard Yusuke made a mean bowl of ramen and Hiei was hungry. And maybe he came back a few more times for that, Yusuke always eager to make a bowl for him on the house, despite his faux complaints. He didn't need to know that every visit from Hiei would be punctuated afterward by the demon choking on his own lungs on the rooftops alone. It felt like seeing Yusuke only made the Hanahaki worse. That would be appropriate, wouldn't it?

But Hiei is weak. Sure, the same problem as with Kurama lies with Yusuke- that he wouldn't be able to stand the rest of his withering life without seeing him once more. More accurately, though, Hiei is just... weak. He'd once believed that friendship was a crutch for the weak- later, his feelings had turned to friendship *making* you weak, and he still holds by that. When you grow close to someone, come to care for them, they become your weakness. Something that can be exploited, something that can hurt you. Worse if you grow to love someone. The worst physical pain Hiei had felt was having his face carved open to insert the Jagan. But the real worst pains he'd felt were from the weakness of love and friendship- when he was abandoned by his people, rejected by his foster family. When the person he loved died in front of him, and there had been nothing he could do to help. He had been ready to die himself then- preferring to perish in an attempt at vengeance, than live in a world without Yusuke.

Yusuke is his weakness. Thinking of him hurts, not only in Hiei's lungs, but in his core. Yusuke is literally killing him, that's how weak he's made Hiei. But because Hiei is weak, he wants to see Yusuke again, even if just once. Just one more bowl of ramen. Then he'll visit Kurama, then he'll visit Yukina, then he'll... then he'll be gone. And he doubts any of them will think of him much, once he's gone. He finds that both comforting, and solemn. His core feels paradoxically both heavy and light, as he dips away from the sky turning steadily from orange to deep blue, landing silently on his feet in a darkened alley below, just a corner away from where Yusuke's noodle stand lights up the street where the sunset's glow no longer reaches, beneath a noisy train bridge.

Hiei takes a moment to clear his lungs as best he can, while he's still out of sight and earshot. As far as Yusuke will know, when Hiei finally approaches his stand after shaking the petals off his hands, is that his old demon buddy just happens to be in town while hungry again. And that's just how Hiei wants it. He thinks he'll even pay off his tab, this time.