Uncle Anon (Short One-Off)

= - a jump in time/break in post dumps.
>"One more bartender, over here."
>You are Anon
>And your sitting with Shining Armor at your favorite bar, the Flanking Maneuver
>You take another drink of your cider, loving that burn in your throat
"So, pregnant huh?"
>Shining lays his head in his hooves on the bar, muffling his voice
>"Yeah, you would think I would be happy, hell, ecstatic even. Honestly man, I'm really scared."
>You take another drink and wink at the purple mare behind the bar as she pours Shining another drink
"Ah don't be, you'll be fine. Hey, if you guys ever need any help, you can always talk to me."
>Shining's head rises and he looks at you quizically
>"Anon, you can deal with kids?"
>To? Of course
>With? Maybe
"Sure, I babysat those three fillies for the girls a few times."
>You were all in a good agreement
>20 bits each said they didn't see you with a can of Pale Wheat and that you ate fruit instead of hayburgers
>That orange one was a hell of a business mare though
>You should take her to one of your card games sometime
>He looks to the small glass filled with amber liquid in front of him
>"Yeah I guess you did, huh?"
>The glass goes up and the liqour goes down, and Shining sets it back with his magic
>"I just don't know man, It's scary. Knowing that I'm going to take care of like, a living thing?"
>You pat him on the back and get off of your stool
"Your parents and mine probably thought the same thing, now don't sweat it."
>You stifle a burp with your sleeve
"Now, onto the important question, how do we get home?"
>The carriage you flew with was parked outside, but the pegasi that piloted it were inside passed out on the ground
>They sucked at speedball
>Shining looks around and shrugs
>"Walking?"
"Sure."
>You both turn and walk towards the large castle across the city
==============================================================
>"Oh I used to worship whiskey, now I only drink the lord!"
"And I take my coffee, cream and seven sugars!
>"Before we meet we stand out on the sidewalk as it pours!"
"Swappin' one addiction for another!"
>>"Coffee God and Cigg-"
>"SHINING! ANON!"
>Cadence is sitting at the top of the staircase leading to the entrance of the castle, her mane looking a bit destroyed
>Destroyed like careers in art
>Destroyed like sitcoms
>Destroyed like-
>"Do you know what time it is?"
"Uhhh..."
>"Uhhh..."
>You and Shining look at eachother
>>"No?"
>Cadence shakes her head
>"3 A.M."
>Shining looks away from her and rubs the back of his head
>You look downwards and kick the concrete with your shoes
"But mom, I don't have school tomorrow."
>Cadence's face doesn't change
>"Anon, go home and get some rest."
"Fiiiine."
>You turn to Shining and mess up his mane a bit before walking towards your home
>"Later Anon"
>You raise a hand and wave behind you
"Seeya Shining, Love ya Candy."
>You hear an annoyed grunt from behind you
>"Love you too, Anon. Goodnight."
>And with that you hear the heavy *thud* of the doors closing
>You pull your suit jacket closer to you as a stiff breeze blows through the cobblestone streets
>You always loved the night more than the day
>Quiet, Chilly, Lights.
>Perfection.
>The click of your shoes against the ground is all that breaks the silence around you before you get to your home
>A sizable place, but still modest enough to show your not loaded
>You would never want to look like one of those rich pricks
>Fuck Blueblood
>You fish the keys from your pocket and unlock the door with a click
>Flicking on the light, you kick off your shoes and head to the couch
>You flop down face first and turn on the TV
>Yeah you had a bed, and it was comfy
>But this way is more fun
>You fall asleep to Delso scoring some weed from that dude in the PictureShack
========================================================================
>Be Anon
>Be 10 months later
>You are currently trying to flag down a taxi-carriage
>You were talking to this one mare at the bar when the bartender turned on a TV.
>A news station was broadcasting the birth of the new princess, and you forgot that you should fucking be there
>A bright yellow carriage is landing next to you, and you can see a dingy brown pegasus pulling it
>"Geht In, Twenny-foive effry ten moiles"
>You were riding all the way to Canterlot
>This was going to get expensive, but you really have no other way
"Alright"
>You clamber into the cramped wooden box
>It smells of cheese and rotting fish
>God Why
>The pegasus pulls out a box of smokes and pops one of the tiny sticks of tobacco into his lips
>He hits a small cap on the end with his hoof and the tip alights
>With a woosh his wings spread and in one great motion you take off towards the sky
>"Whey ya headid?"
"Canterlot."
>"Ah, Ye goin ta see the royal baby eh?"
"Yeah, got a buddy there too."
>"Weyll thass gotta be a fun time then, innit?"
>The rest of the flight goes on silently, and you can see the counter at the front ticking away your funds
>You headed a business here, money wasn't -much- of a problem, but you'll be damned if you give it all away on a ride.

>The carriage lands, and you begin to get out
>"Oi! Ya weren' thinkin ye were gonna get out wihtout payin, did ya?'
>Fuck
"Just come with me as insurance."
>He mulls it over for a second, before sighing
>"Olrite, let's go"
>You are at the back of a sizable crowd, and you have to get in there
>You snap your fingers, and a lightbulb forms above your head
>Cartoon physics are weird
>You fish in your breast pocket and find the thing you were searching for
>Pulling out the ivory rectangle, you hold the Imperial Rosette above the ponies' heads
>The pegasus with you is in awe, along with the other ponies as they clear a path
>You walk through the crowd and make it to the front door
>The attendant at the front desk shines a face of realization as she sees the rosette
"What floor?"
>"F-Fifth."
>You take the pegasus to the elevator and you both enter as you press the "5" button
>After a lengthy and decidedly awkward elevator ride, you sprint to the door surrounded by paparazzi, the shutters drawn on the window in
>You run to the door and tackle it open with a crash
"Hey I mad-"
>"Push!"
=================================================================================
>You are Anon
>And you are scarred for life
>Yeah you were into some sheisty shit, hell you practically fuck horses, be it normal here or not
>But birth was never your fetish
>You sit in the small chair in the corner while the happy parents oogle over the foal
>Shining looks over to you sitting down, and despite his smile he has the same look in his eyes as you, but you can see ecstatic wonder in there too
>"Anon, come over and look at the baby"
"Yeah, alright"
>The pegasus from earlier is sitting in complete awe, he witnessed the royal birth
>You get up and walk over to the ball of rags
>When you get close, you can see the face
>The eyes are closed, but your heart melts at the sight
>The foal is small and pudgy, with a white coat and the mane is lavender with sky blue streaks
>You see the short horn atop it's head, and it stirs just a little bit
>Cadence motions for you to hold it, and you grasp it gingerly
>Goddamn, the things you could do...
>Wait, this is your friend's baby, why the fuck would you do that?
"Hey there, little horse."
>Cadence chokes out words between her happy tears
>"Her name is Flurry Heart
>It's eyes open, large blue and white globes taking in your sight
>She looks scared at first, but you poke her in her soft belly and she begins to giggle
>The sound makes you feel clean, and you try to shake off the alien sensation
>You rub your finger in circles on her belly and she begins to laugh, before the rag is swept off of her in a loud *whoosh* and the space is filled with sizable wings
>You really feel like you shouldn't love this thing
>But do you care?
>Probably not
>You hold the little ball of white fluff close and nuzzle it
"Hey there Flurry, I'm Anon."
>She looks at you with her eyes open in amazement
"Im going to be your uncle."