Thread 68: Stories 16-30

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>Lyra
"Bonbon"
'AJ'
[Pinkie]
~~~

>...Is... is that...

"OH FUCK NO!"

>THEY'RE BACK!

"THEY'RE FUCKING BACK!"

>DEATH DESTRUCTION AND CHAOS!

"WE'RE ALL GOING TO BE SUBJECTED TO MORE BULLSHIT INSANITY!"

>GAME OVER MARE! GAME OVER!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

>NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

>"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

~~~~

'...Think folks round here missed us?'

[Pfft, obviously!]

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>Cadence
"???"
~~~~

This was it.

Recent events had brought her low, made her honestly question her place as the princess, made her even wonder if she should hand over her crown altogether and made her wish for nothing more than to give Shining all of her magic and let him take her place. These events such as her failure in stopping the infected, her uselessness to help even save her own hide when attacked, and the entire event with Eighteen and her own actions nearly leading to someone being able to fail to love ever again at all... these events made her wonder, deep down, if she had not just been some kind of cosmic mistake, a giant joke on the universe.

But now... she felt back in the swing of things! She, at last, was making strides, making changes, making real things real! Her recent actions with the changelings made her think that she could do all this! She could be the Princess of Love! She could help lives, foster love, everything! She could do this!

And with that in mind she strode with determination, with pride. She had made a terrible, terrible mistake before regarding someone she cared about, and had let what was obviously toxic mentalities grow within them far beyond what she should have. She had allowed fear to override other feelings, and forced repression, not expression. No more! She was going to confront this head on and be a Princess of Love! She could, she knew now! She could do this! Nothing was going to distract her!

>Forty Two?

The soldier bug paused in her punching against the bag of sand, something she did often that honestly Cadence had never understood seeing as her strength was entirely dependent on the amount of love she had, not muscle mass. Instantly, Forty Two was before her, wiping sweat from her brow that obviously wasn't there, since chitin wouldn't sweat... or would it? This was all very confusing, she realized.

...Maybe she was a little easily distracted.

"Princess, is there something I can do for you?"

>...Seriously, Forty Two? You steal my covers every other night and helped me make my OnO character from scratch, I don't think you need to be very formal with me.

"It is merely for appearances, should another walk in. With the recent changes, it is imperative we show proper appreciation to the public so they may understand just what an opportunity we've been granted. Fostering goodwill and nationalistic pride on your part due to us thinking so highly we regard you with greater respect than Canterlot."

>...Seriously? It's not that big a deal.

She might as well have said "The moon isn't that big!" considering the look Forty Two gave her.

"Princess... you... you really did give us something amazing with this. This is the first time... I don't have to fear for my hive in an unsteady place, I don't have to go to... drastic measures to show everyone that we can bleed too. I don't... I don't have to choose between protecting you and protecting my hive. This is the greatest gift you could have given us..."

She lowered into a whisper the more she talked, just as she always did. She always got so quiet when she was giving thanks...

But she was so sincere. Nothing but the honest truth from her, nothing.

>Well... well of course, I couldn't just leave you all over there after what happened. It's a change, but I wouldn't-

"I... I know, Princess, you do not have to explain to me. I know that you, better than most, would understand, and I merely wished to explain I give my thanks for it. You have offered us a place in this land... and I will defend it with everything I have. All of it."

>As opposed to what you were doing before?

"...I can try even harder."

She knew that was insincere, of course. She very much doubted Forty Two ever went less than absolute, but she could at least humor her.

>Well, I hope you won't be too tied up from that A-team stuff-

"I won't."

...Ominous.

>Well... of course. But Forty Two, that isn't what I wanted to talk about.

"Have one of the Hive been acting up? Point me in their direction, I will straighten them out... with punches. Punching not-straight things works every time... almost every time. Depends on the changeling."

>...Right. Well, no, it has nothing to do with them, they're all behaving and stuff, way better than expected even. No, this is more about... you.

"If you worry that I am not in prime condition due to my excess of 'outside training', I assure you I can delay any further of that matter should you require my presence more closely to this location."

>It's not that either.

"If you have someone you wish me to deal with, I will gladly-"

>No! No no, not that. Forty Two... I think it's time we talked about what happened... back at the invasion.

She could hear it. She could hear the metal snap of a bear trap locking in on the changeling's leg. From the way her eyes went wide and a tiny trickle of blood seeped out of her mouth from where she had obviously bitten down, she knew she had just essentially set off every warning bell the changeling had.

"If you are referring to my strange use of an unknown power, I am researching into-"

>Forty Two, come now. We both know that's not what I'm talking about. We need to talk about what you said.

"...Ah. Well, to clarify, it is well known that stable blood flow into the cranial region is necessary for proper functionality for both changeling and pony, it is a trait we all share. With at least two units of blood missing from the body, it is entirely possible that the brain becomes strained and fires off neurons at miss-managed rates. This is why blood loss often leads to delusions, hallucinations and lack of motor functions. I fear that overly straining my body in the wake of severe damage increased my blood pressure to the point it-"

>Forty Two... come on now. I'm not bright, but I'm not that dumb-

"YOU ARE NOT DUMB! I don't care what they keep saying because they don't know better! They're idiots, not you! YOU ARE NOT DUMB AND STOP SAYING IT OR I WILL... I'll... I'LL HIT SOMETHING!"

The racketing shift from 'coldly robotic' to 'fiery and intense' was as shocking as it was worrying. The only comfort she had was the oddly twisted look Forty Two took on immediately afterwards, as if she were attempting to physically swallow her words.

"...A-hem. I fear I am becoming dehydrated, perhaps we should continue this conversation at a more reasonable date when I am not-"

>Forty Two... it's okay.

She was as gentle as a mother as she placed her hooves on the stock still soldier's shoulders, and as soft as a lamb's coat as she looked into the other's eyes.

>I'm not upset that you... you feel like that, really. I understand-

"I don't know what you're talking about. My feelings are strictly professional in all regards-"

>No!

She couldn't shake someone so much physically stronger than her, obviously, but still she tried.

"Princess, I worry that the precedent set by Eighteen and my Queen have skewed-

>No I said! NO! We are not slipping back into that! Forty Two, come on! You know I'm not going to hate you for it, it's fine!

"Slipping back into what? I am as I have always been-"

>Forty Two!

"I just wish to defend you and your home due to the kindness shown, I have no other desires to make note of-"

>FORTY TWO! For the last time... IT. IS. FINE.

"..."

>...

"...H-how can it be fine?"

Broken. Like a voicebox on a doll that had been cracked, like a movie that had a tear in it's reel. That's the only way she could describe it, the closest she can manage.

"How... how could that be fine? Y-you... y-y-you keep doing so much for me, and I... I..."

>Forty Two... I'm the Princess of Love, you really think I don't understand?

Sternly, to her surprise, the soldier gripped her, locking onto her shoulders, hard.

"T-then make it stop! You have to know how love magics work, just... just hit me with something real quick! I've tried everything! I've tried everything to make it stop! But even when my mind stopped talking to me, it was still there. It was still something I had to fight and hit, but it never stayed down. Just... just use your magic on me, and then I can go back to serving you, and you don't ever have to worry that I'm like... like them... just... turn it off."

Through all the shock, the horror, the downright uncomfortable fear that raced through her at that moment, Cadence found an odd thought wiggling into her mind.

...Can she actually do that?

Was it possible, with all her magics, to turn love off? To simply repress it, or be rid of it? Love can be drained, it can be used as energy, someone can run low on it, but was it possible to simply take part of it away? Was it possible to set it aside and be rid of it, just like that? In theory, it was sound. In theory she just had to remove it as Chrysalis had, draining it with magic and moving it from one place to another. Was it possible, after all, to do that?

She felt an odd pang in her chest, but paid it no mind. Instead, her thoughts drifted. In all honesty, before the event with Eighteen, Forty Two had always been the one she was most... worried about, concerning Shining. Not that she even entertained the thought he would cheat on her, obviously. She completely trusted him in that regard. But Forty Two was... different than Eighteen and Chrysalis. She and Shining were the closest, and had been near each other the longest. Before Eighteen swept in and kept him from dropping dead tired, before Chrysalis had managed to worm her way into the castle, there had been... her. A funny little punchbug helping him train and growing with him. She was there since the very start of all this, and had the most time for something to grow... mutually.

She would admit to herself, and very little else, that it had bothered her something fierce when she had realized that Forty Two obviously felt something more than just friendship. She felt somewhat betrayed, taken advantage of, like she had just been pretending this whole time and was just doing a better job of worming her way into her life than the other's had. It was only the drastic passage of time with no action on her part that assuaged that fear.

To be perfectly honest with herself, she wouldn't mind at all to finally have a friend who didn't feel 'that way' about her husband. It would probably be nice to never have to worry no matter how much time they spent together, be it a year or several decades, and never fear something growing where it should not. She could probably save herself a lot of worried nights, and Forty Two quite clearly wanted this every bit as much.

“C-...can you? Can you do it?”

She sounded so hopeful, so desperate, so needy that for a brief moment Cadence honestly thought she was going to reply... “Yes.”

>No.

Her own voice surprised her, and hurt her, just as much as it did Forty Two.

“O-oh... oh, yes, I understand. It is likely... likely dangerous because I am a changeling, and effecting my emotions could effect how I process my energy. You know... you know I would be willing to risk it, but you would not. You are too... too caring. I am sorry for asking that of you, I know it goes against everything you stood for. I'm sorry... that must have been so offensive to you.”

Defeated, tired hooves hit the floor, barely able to hold herself up. With it, a helmeted head tilted forwards, covering her eyes.

>...Forty Two?

She didn't answer, barely even gave a noise of affirmative.

>...Why does it bother you so much? You can't help it.

“...Are... are you serious?”

She looked back up, back up so that Cadence could see the wide, stupefied look in her eyes.

“You... you do so much for us, all of us, are here when we need you, and then.... you work so hard to make sure your citizens are happy, you have to put up with so much strain on your life, you're one of the most loving, caring beings on the whole planet... and yet something simple, something basic to all things, a friend you can trust... just keeps slipping away. It isn't fair. It isn't fair, and you deserve better than that.”

A hoof stamped down, shaking the ground.

“...Eighteen and Chrysalis used to always say things like “Cadence never does anything” or “She's completely ancillary” or “Shiny should go on to someone who actually does stuff with him” or “we'd be better for him than her”, and every time I just want to hit them. They're my best friend and my Queen, and yet every single time one of them said something so utterly stupid I just wanted to punch them and punch them until they shut up. They stopped... they both stopped so long ago, before Chitania even, and that made me so happy. It made me happy when they stopped, just because it meant I didn't feel like hitting them anymore. I hate that... I hate feeling like I want to hit them, but I did. I can't help it... but I hate it anyway.”

Gently, far more gently than Cadence thought the massively strong changeling was capable of, a hoof was placed at her side.

“...If anyone ever says that you don't work hard enough, or that you're useless, or that... you don't deserve Shining Armor... don't tell me. Don't tell me because I will hit them. I will hit them because they are wrong. You are smarter than they know, you have more resilience than you let on, and you are more bea... more better for this than they could be. You deserve it, and this, and him, and... and I just hate that you can't get more.”

So touched, she didn't even pay any mind to the odd slip at the end. So heartfelt, she couldn't even bring herself to speak the denials she had with every word.

“I'm sorry... I couldn't be someone you could trust.”

>...Forty Two...

A ethereal pink hoof cupped under her chin, and forced their eyes to connect.

>...I do trust you. I'm not worried, and I'm not afraid, okay? You... you're my friend, and that's the end of it, and no matter how you feel about Shining, that's never going to change. Never.

She choked, again. It was so rare to see Forty Two cry, not since she had broken down in thanks back when she first arrived, or during her confession, did she truly see her cry. But there they were. Tears of relief, streaming down her face.

“T-thank you. I don't... I don't deserve it.”

>Oh dear, of course you do. Don't let anyone tell you different.

There was something... odd in her eyes, Cadence noticed. Something strange behind them, something strange within them... something powerful. Something Cadence found, she simply did not understand.

>Okay? So... so no more worries about this. And I don't want to see you hitting yourself to stop it anymore! How you feel is how you feel, and I trust you completely enough to think you won't go after my Shining.

“N-never!”

>Good. Good then, the matter is all settled.

“...That's it?”

It was an odd question, going along with an equally odd glance, but nonetheless Cadence found herself nodding in acceptance.

>Yes! That is it. No more needs to be said, and you're fine. I'm glad you could finally let this out.

“Oh... oh, yes. Thank you so much, I've been holding this in so long...”

>Well, hold it in no longer. I'm glad you can stay here more often, Forty Two! We need to go do something, just you and me, you know? Girls night out!

“Oh... uh, I'm not very good at-”

>It's settled then! Whelp, back to work, still a lot to do over here for you guys!

“...R-right! Right! Of course, the move must be very difficult. Do you need any assistance from me-”

>Nope, I've got it! Thanks, though! See you later!

“Right... s-see you... thank you.”


She felt like a burning star in the sky as she literally skipped off, little flutters of her wings beating with every hop off the ground. She felt in control, in power, capable at last of real, lasting change. She could handle the questions of love, she could live up to her title, she could do this! She was Princess Cadenza Mi Amore, at last!

Which is why she might have found it odd, had she turned around, that Forty Two just sat there in the wake of it all. Sat on her haunches on the floor with forelegs tucked in the middle and a blank, empty look on her face. She just sat there and processed it, processed everything said and that had happened as her eyes remained locked in on her retreating form, every moment until she left her sight.

“O-okay, so, it's okay, but...”

And she found... she was utterly lost.

“...But what am I supposed to do about it...”

The answers, she found, didn't come to her, no matter how many times she reviewed the discussion she had just had. She knew so very little of social norms as it was, and with this wrench thrown into it, it made even less sense than before. She still had no idea what to do with it or how to keep it in check, or if she even should keep it in check, or to what degree, or if she should tell Shining Armor so he was aware, or if she should tell her Queen so she knew she might be compromised, or....

So she just kept repeating what happened, just kept thinking about the discussion, just kept thinking about Cadence's wide. sparkling eyes looking into her own, every word spoken out of her soft, smooth lips, every sound from her heavenly voice, every twitch of her face, how warm she felt when Cadence looked to her and said... just like how she felt with... with....

“... Oh love-damn it, really?...”

She had promised Cadence she would not hit herself, and she always kept her promises.

...But maybe just one more, for old times sakes.

“I hate you, brain.”

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NC

>Applejack, I'm noticing you have a lot of trust issues with Chrysalis... don't! Don't do that.

>Celestia! I notice you're feeling bad because you got a bit lazy.... stop feeling bad!

>Twilight, I know you're worried you'll cause destruction with your inventions... it's fine!

>Fluttershy, I notice you're worried you're worried that you'll unleash the chaos again... don't worry so much!

>Everyone!.... It's fine!

And then Equestria was a utopia.

~~~

>18, I notice you're worried about going too far with Shiny and causing me to snap back. Well, don't! It's fine! You just need to-WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?

"You said it was fine!"

>...Oh, yeah, probably should clarify.

"I'll say."

>...Gonna get off him now?

"Uhhhh, we're kind of-"

*BLAM!*

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 >AJ
"???"
~~~~

>....Ya' know, while Ah'm here.

*Walks up to Ponyville school*

*Opens door*

>...

"AND THE DARK SHALL RISE AGAIN AND CONSUME THE LIVING! FLESH TORN FROM BONES IN RIPPING TEARS! DEATH SENT UNTO THEE FOR ALL IT IS WORTH! BLOOD AND ICHOR SPILLED UPON THE GROUNDS TO WET THE EARTH FOR THE SOIL THE DAMNED SHALL WALK UPON! AND THROUGH IT ALL, I! WILL! BE! THEIR! GOOOOODDDDD!"

>....Huh.....

*closes door*

>...Snails sure got weird after we left.

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Fluttershy"
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but if you're reading this, you are catching up! Now for our main guest...FLUTTERSHY!!!

"H-hi?"

>We're going on a trip with Sombra! The Everfree forest! We're going to be in the wilds and there'll be danger! Are you excited for what's coming?

"...no."

>But we're going to get so much spotlight!

"N-no thank you. I don't need to be in the spotlight."

>Ahahaha you talk like you have a choice!
Fluttershy wakes up with Pinkie in the room packing bags.
>I got everything ready for you!

"Oh dear..."

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 >18
"???"
~~~~

>HA HA! I have vanquished you one more, PAPERLORE! Your might is nothing to my own abilities to defeat all the harbingers of ignorance! I slay thee with my pen, which is mightier than the sword! UNTO THEE! I STAB INTO YOUR HEAAAAaarrt........ oh.

"..."

>...Poindexter.

"Eighteen."

>You, uh, you didn't knock.

"That I did not."

>...

"..."

>...Would this make more sense if I mentioned that, occasionally, this paperwork comes to life and attacks?

"This is supposed to make more sense?"

>No, really, it does. I had to summon Fifty Five in order to have him do battle with it for the few days I took off. His fire powers were super-effective, and yet he could not destroy it. It is a beast.

"...Again, this is supposed to make more sense...."

>...Poindexter.

"Eighteen."

>You wanted to see me?

"Uh... uh, yeah. I just wanted to, you know... say I was sorry for ruining your date."

>Apology noted and accepted.

"...Seriously? Just like that?"

>It's amazing how forgiving some beings can be when you just ask them, isn't it? Wink wink.

"...Yeah. Sure. So, we're cool?"

>I have not had you jettisoned from my office and placed in a bag before being tossed into the snowiest hill on the snowiest peak at the dead of night out in the wasteland that surrounds us.

"..."

>I think about things.

"Right..."

>...Date ended on a high note, in case you were wondering.

"Really!?"

>Pfft, not that high, I WISH that high.

"Oh... Eighteen?'

>EEeyup.

"Do you think I should keep... you know, trying with Maney?"

>...I'm currently dating a MARRIED stallion after months of unsuccessful lusting and suffering, I do not think you should be taking my advice on this.

"...Fair enough."

>...Wanna help me fight Paperlore?

"Why not call it something like The Requisitioner?"

>...Fuck that's good.

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 >SA
"???"
~~~~

>Bill, bill, bill, bill.... law? Law. Bill, bill, bill-

"Dun nun nuh nun."

>....

"Dun nun nuh nun."

>...

"Dun dun dun dun dun dun duh nuh nuh nuh~"

>...

"Thump thump thump thump dun dun nuh nun, NUH NUH NU NUHHHHHHHH~!"

*CHOMP!*

>OW!... Two! No biting!

"Buh uhm a sharfh!"

>Pretend bite, don't ACTUALLY bite!... Wait a minute, who let you watch Jowls!?

"....Nooooobody...."

>...

"...A'fore you ask, it wasn't not-mom."

>That is actually managing to worry me more.

"It was, uh... it was Spike."

>...And this isn't Chrysalis telling you to say it was Spike.

"Nu uh! If not-mom told me that I'd tell you she told me that! But if she didn't tell me to tell you it was Spike then I wouldn't tell you it was Spike!"

>...Fair enough?

"....Soooo-"

>So, me and Uncle Spike need to have a little talk.

"Kay."

>...

"....DUHNUH NUUUUUUUUUH!"

*CHOMP!*

>WHAT DID I JUST SAY!?

"RAWR!"

>...At least you're not traumatized.

"AH'M AH SHAWK."

>I don't know if this is better.

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 >42
"42's noggin"

---

>Oh shit, oh fuck! I love them both! Oh sweet Celestia why do I love them both!?

"Woah, woah, woooaaah, slow down!"

>Brain! You're back!

"...I never left?"

>Shut up! Think!

"About...? Oh, oh! Ohhhhhh okay, you finally acknowledge it! Gonna stop hitting yourself now?"

>I promised Cadence I wouldn't...

"Good!"

>BUT FUCK ME! I LOVE THEM BOTH??! WHY?!

"Because they care for you and no one else other than 18 has ever really been as close and she's more a sister than anything."

>...O.K. But... I just... what do I dooooooo-hoo-hooooo?

"Just... what did Cadence say?"

>She said to relax, it was fine!

"Sooo... do that? You love them, big whoop, they know, now you're okay with it. So everyone wins?"

>No! It's not okay! It's... huh.

"Huh...?"

>Why is it bad?

"What?! Now you're like this? It isn't!"

>Well... uh, yeah... I guess. I uh... hm.

"So, what if I make you think about thiiiiiss...?"

>...

"Hm?"

>...

"Yes, that's you between Shiny and Caddy."

>...

"Not gonna hit me?"

>...

"You're scaring me now."

>...~Meepmeepmeep~

"Wha--"

>I'LL BE IN MY BUNK!

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>Chrysalis
"77"
'88'
~~~~

>So, how's she adjusting.

"It's been... a challenge."

'That's her way of saying I've broken more crystal than a drunk miner in a crystal... mine... thing... I don't know, do you mine crystal?'

>Oh for the love of... tell me what you broke so I can pay for it.

"Actually, they're rather understanding concerning her disability."

'STOP CALLING ME A CRIPPLE!'

"I didn't!"

>Ugh... Eighty Eight? Stop freaking out so much.

'WELL I'M SORRY! I JUST MOVED FROM A PLACE I BARELY RECOGNIZE TO A PLACE THAT DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING EXIST WHEN I GOT FUNGIED! I'M A LITTLE ON EDGE! Speaking of, EDGES! THEY HURT!'

>...So, what, you want to go back to the place with the racist guards? No, yeah, that'll be so much better. Blind changelings surrounded by racist assholes, and bonus! You're the one who kicked their ass and took them over a bit ago.

"Majesty!"

>If you want cushy kids horseshoes, go bug Celestia or something. You want to go back? I'll take you there and even pay for your apartment, but I'm not going to sugar coat the fact that place is full of assholes who see you as an invading bug monster they have full authority to harass.

'...'

"...I mean, she's not wrong, she's just kind of being...forceful about it."

>Just say I'm being a bitch about it.

"I'd rather not, don't want to-"

'You're being a bitch about it.'

"..."

>HAH! So, what, you want me to assign you another handler? Seeing eye changeling?

"Majesty, I am perfectly capable of-"

'I DON'T NEED A HANDLER!'

WHAM!

>...See, running off only works if-

'I KNOW!'

>... Dunno what you're talking about, she seems to be adjusting fine!

'PLPLPLPLPLP!'

>HAH!

"...I admit, when I learned you survived, this was the last thing I expected... I do not know if the zombie thing was better."

WHAM!

'WHO PUT ALL THESE FUCKING WALLS HERE!?'

>We're in a castle.

'...since when!?'

>HAH!

"...scratch that..."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
>Celestia
"???"
'Guard'
~~~~

>Applejack? What's this commotion I'm hearing? Apparently there's a long line in front of... your...

'Majesty! The other Princesses wished me to give you this note!'

~Dear Celestia, goin' on an adventure, don't know how long it'll take, ya'll can handle the paperwork.~

>...A-all of them?

'Hm? Oh, yes Majesty! All of them!'

>...

'Princess?'

>N-noooooo...

'Princess? You're looking a little-

>NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

'Uh...'

>I have no choice, I have to use this! THE FORBIDDEN TECHNIQUE!

'Should... should I step back, or-'

>THERE'S NO OTHER OPTION!

'I'm legitimately terrified-'

>FORBIDDEN SUMMONING TECHNIQUE, BUBBLEHORSE!

THOOOOOOM!

'....'

"...Celestia."

>SHINY HELP!

"Help with what?"

>They left me all the paperwork!

"...And you want me, a foreign royal, to help you do it."

>YOU OWE ME!

"..."

>PLEASE! PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE! I'LL GIVE YOU A SUPER SPECIAL REWARD!

"How special?'

>YOU KNOW WHAT I WILL GIVE UP FOR THIS, AND YOU CAN HAVE IT!

"But what about-"

>NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW!

"...M'kay."

>Phew! Had me worried there.

'...'

>You saw and heard nothing.

'Y-yes, Majesty...So-'

>LEAVE!

*GONE!*

>...Seriously, thanks, could not handle this alone.

"Heh, you know I'm here for you, sunbutt."

>Aww.

"...So, do you have a towel?"

>In the corner. Would you like me to handle your rubber duck?

"Mr Quackattack is staying with me, thank you."

>Sorry about interrupting Shiny Time.

"Sacrifices must be made..."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>32
"Fancy Pants"
'Fleur De Lis'

32 had to admit, it had been a long time since he'd been in a house as grand and majestic as that of Fancy Pants.

Castles didn't count.

He honestly never thought he'd be in a house again after getting trapped in the caves...after taking control of the Morlocks...after jail...after jail again.

Yet here he was, sipping tea of all things with the premiere pony in terms of opulence in the capitol of Equestria.

"-and we were simply heartbroken to hear that your fine people had just up and left Canterlot. Over a misunderstanding, I hope, I know first hoof those droids my fellows are all using these days are a tad trigger happy."

'Honestly, it's so gauche, just throwing a robot at a problem. I'd never use one to apply my makeup.'

"Not that you need it, dear."

'Oh you. You know, Mr...'

>32.

'32, so...simple.'

>Is that a problem?

'Oh no, perish the thought, I find most names around her rather pretentious. Did you know Fancy's Grandfather was named Schmancy? We're just running out of words at this point.'

"Quite, but yes, we've not a single robot in our household, in fact I hired quite a few of the help my friends released."

'They work in shifts.'

"But enough posturing, my good sir, whatever can we do for you?"

>Well...I'm in the market for some real estate...

"I see? Trying to get a home before the ones who moved away come back?"

>Hm?

"Oh you weren't aware? Yes, quite a few of the shop owners and aristocrats that took their leave after the last few disasters are coming back. I believe they felt your race being in the city was bad luck."

'The very idea of it's enough to make me quite miffed.'

"But I'd be happy to see you in your own home. I'll even discount the rent."

>Oh that won't be necessary, I can pay.

"Now now, I would never accuse your race of being mere paupers but-"

THUNK.

CRACK.

"'...'"

>I'll uh...I'll also cover the coffee table. I didn't think it'd be that heavy.

"Mr. 32, this uhm...this would cover quite a lot more than just a rent..."

>I'm well aware, but I'm here for the long haul. Now tell me, would you happen to know if THIS address was still available?

"...that one? Erm...Mr. 32, I don't think you want that address."

>I assure you I do. For all the reasons you're about to say I don't.

"I...uhm...I see. May I ask why?"

>Because I've found that the most change can be accomplished when someone does something so very very stupid.

"I'll draw up the paperwork then, and will you-?"

>No I believe I'll handle introductions to...my new neighbors.

"'...'"

>...also do you know a good speech therapist? Someone with a knack for getting rid of verbal tics, particularly the 'sinister' kind?

"No."

>Drat.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Celestia
"Spike"
~~~

>You mean, they just left?

"Just left for Ponyville to help Sombra out with something, I don't know what."

>And they didn't take you?

"Meh."

>Huh... well, I do suppose this means you're available for a bit.

"I guess I am."

>...

"..."

>...You know, you and I never do anything together, you want to go slide down the side of the castle?

"....C-can I ride you during?"

>...Yes.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>13
"Citrine"
~~~

>...

"U-uh... is there a reason you're wrapped in-"

>Yes.

"Oh, okay...."

>...

"...Can you breath in all that-"

>It would be lucky if I would just die, so yes. Yes I can.

"Ahhhhh..."

>...

"..."

*pippipip*

>Please stop popping the bubble wrap.

"I can't help it!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Aj
"Big Mac"
~~~

>Hey big brother, how's it goin' round these parts?

"Eeeyup."

>...Wow, Ah' never noticed a'fore, but ya' sure got a limited vocabulary.

"Uh huh."

>...So, Ah'm gonna be goin' off soon, girls are takin' longer than expected, but jus' wanted ta' make sure everythin' is still goin' smooth with me gone.

"...Hmm..."

>...

"...Eyeeup."

>Good ta' hear, Mac.

"..."

>...How much did ya' gamble?

"Ah' only lost fifty bits this time!"

>DAMN IT MAC!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>42
"Brain"
~~~

"Heyyyyy! Guess who's back!"

>Fuck you.

"...That would be pretty difficult, if you think about it-"

>No, seriously, fuck you. I just got a handle on this. I JUST got a handle on this! She's not mad! I'm not a terrible friend! I just finally got just a bit of sanity back into my life and now I can't stop thinking about HER!? HER!? I can't stop thinking about Cadence now! This is the weird Shiny thing, only it makes less sense now! THIS MAKES LESS SENSE!

"Maybe you just like them both?"

>We don't do that, ponies don't do that! You can't like two at the same time! That's not how it works!

"...Then explain Shining and 18."

>FUCK YOU!

"Look, I don't know what you're banging on about- and please don't actually-"

>I'm done hitting you, actually. Promised Cadence I wouldn't.

"...and no qualifier for 'don't talk to yourself and blame your frontal lobe for your own problems?"

>...Why are you being so stupid!?

"Your delusions that I'm a separate entity on the matter is very thin, you've already pretty much accepted I'm just you and you're just talking to yourself while looking like a loon, we're just waiting for the last scales to fall from your eyes."

>...

"...Don't."

>Nnngggh.

"Don't do it."

>Nggghhhhhh.

"You promised her."

>NNGGHHHHH!

"..."

>...You there! Solider! I wish to test how strong you are! Hit me in the face!

"Oh for the love of-"

*POW!*

>LOOPHOLE!

"Someday you will realize how sad this is, and I will be there... being your brain. Because I am-"

>AGAIN!

*POW!*

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________