I am not suicidal. I am attached to life — fiercely so, to the extent that I would take torture for a couple of years over death. I can't die for someone, and would do anything to live.

I hate suffering.
I fear death.

Yet, I have suicidal impulses on a daily basis. Whenever I cross the road, I feel he impulse to throw myself in front of a car. I've been dealing with it, but I'm scared. What if I slip? I have many bad impulses in general, but I fear the suicidal ones. It's not a few times either, it's several times. Every. Single. Fucking. Day. I don't want to die. I don't want to kill myself. I don't want to slip.

Help me.

P.S: I am atheist, and have no intention of changing religion.

P.P.S: I am not depressed either. I occasionally get bouts of depression where I do feel like killing myself, buy I don't fear those, as I'm still in control. It's those irrational impulses to just end myself. Throw myself of a building. Jump in front of every fucking car I see. I'm scared of myself.