4chan moonbutt story

	You push your cart along, looking at the jars of bright candy along the shelves, stretching impossibly high into the ceiling.  Your hooves clop softly on the checkerboard tile floor pondering over them, when you feel a hoof tap you on the shoulder.  You turn, and a very well-dressed pony stands in the garden with the other guests.

	"Care for some assistance?" he asks, the party guests all lined up at the buffet table so they can pull the fabric along the sewing machines.  You politely decline and get on and walk around the shelves to see the rest of the party.  It's your cutecenera and you want things to go alright.  You walk up the stairway and find yourself poking your head up through an old, dark dungeon, the tax notice you've been putting off lie spread out in a bath tub on the far end.  Deciding not to enter, you go back down the stairs, swimming along the long, deep fountain that cuts through the middle of the garden.  The guests all take notice and laugh, and you roll over the side and laugh with them, hoping they don't discover what you're hiding in the hat box on the table.

	Suddenly, you feel a deeply troubling feeling.  You turn around and think you see a pair of glowing eyes in the crowd, but on second glance, there's nothing there.  Looking around for a bit, you turn back to the crowd and listen to them talk about the state of the lawn and how delicious hay fries are.  Then, a bit of movement out of the corner of your eye.  One of the statues above the hedges just moved.  You quickly look over at them, but see that there are no statues above the hedges.  Your eyes narrow suspiciously and you leave the table, holding your lawnmower out menacingly.  You walk beyond the guests to the long, empty, quiet part of the garden.  You hear somepony struggling and silently cursing to themselves around the curve of the castle.  You walk around it, coming into the corner and see princess Luna sprawled across the ground, mostly covered in marble-colored paint, except for one of her legs.  Several upended cans of paint lie next to her, and her tongue hangs out in concentration, trying to reach the tip of her leg with the paintbrush.  You stare at her for a second, taking in this bizarre sight.

	"Come on...reach...sister and her...ngh...cakes..." she mutters to herself.  You clear your throat, and she freezes.  In an instant, she's up on one hoof, posing as if she was a statue.  The guests in the garden all silence themselves, and you approach her and tap on her with your hoof.  You can see her eyebrows furrow and unfurrow, trying not to move.  What is the princess doing here?  Unless...  You wander back to the party, and all of the guests are silent, frozen, holding their dinner plates up and obscuring their faces from you.

	"Yes, you are correct." you hear a voice behind you say.  You quickly jump around, and standing upright before you is the Princess of the Night in all her majesty, peeling the last bits of paint off.  "You are asleep in your bed, dreaming.  I had hoped to observe for a much longer time, but lo, you have caught me.  Do you know why I am here?" she asks you, stooping over.  You look up at her, speechless.  The princess is here.  The princess is inside your mind!  What do you do?  What do you say?  Blush burns across your face.  "A pony of few words.  Ooh, what fun this will be!  Come, peasant!" she says, trotting on, leading you through the empty garden to a open doorway, "I did not see much of your dream, but I cannot help but sense something troubling you.  And if you do not tell me, then we shall investigate!  Here, we shall use this.  This palace is your mind.  Allow me to show you."  she says as you step inside.  "First, a demonstration.  If you know who I am and what I do, then it should already be here, right behind...this door, here." she says, stopping outside of a wooden door.  "Hither is the part of your mind dedicated to me.  Let us take a look." she says, reaching for the doorknob.  Suddenly, you realize that maybe this isn't the best idea.  You try to tell her no, reach out and stop her, but she's already turned the knob and opened the door.

	As it swings open, you're both treated to the sight of a small, ornate archive, like a library or museum, the shelves full of Luna memorabilia, the walls covered in royal banners and posters of Luna.  Most of it is general, safe-for-public images, but nestled among all of them are more private, scandalous depictions of the princess, all centered around a gorgeous fountain in the middle of the room, topped with a statue of you and Luna in a very...provocative position with one another.

	"O-Oh, my." she says, simply.  You're frozen in place, your face and ears burning red-hot and your heart hammering in your chest.  "Well, then.  It would seem that you are...well versed in the matter." she says, slowly closing the door.  You immediately try to explain yourself, but she holds a large, blue hoof up, silencing you.  "It is alright, peasant.  I am used to it."  You sink into your haunches, silent and ashamed.  "I have encountered similar mindscapes with countless young stallions, and quite a few young mares, too."  You plant your face into your hooves, ready to die of embarrassment.  "No, no, please do not feel embarrassed!  We are inside your dreams, and embarrassment will attract-

	Before she can finish, the sound of cruel laughter fills the air.  You look up, your face wet with tears, surrounded by your classmates from when you were a foal, all pointing and laughing at you.  You're a foal again, and you turn over to look at your flank, seeing your fake cutie mark and the large smudge up the middle where the paint rubbed off.  You sob, wiping your leg across your nose, and you sit and let them laugh.  With a solid, echoing thunk, Luna stamps down over you, eyes glowing, and roars at them like a lion, her teeth sharp and gleaming.  They all scream and run away, disappearing down one of the halls.  You watch them go despondently, and the princess stoops down to speak to you, appearing almost twice as big as she did before.

	"Nightmares.  Your negative feelings attract them like a moth to a lamp.  Please feel better, or more will come!" she says.  You avert your eyes and sullenly stare at the floor.  Some more noises echo out in the hallway behind you and you feel a powerful magic wash over you, as dark and blue as the night sky.  It envelopes you and lifts your small foal body off of the ground, laying you across the princess' back.  You can still feel the embarrassment eating away at you as she gallops down the hallway.

	"This is turning out to be quite perilous!" she gleefully yells, galloping.  You can hear the noises following you, getting closer.  Dark and unpleasant, voices and squeals and snarls mix together and echo terribly around the palatial hallway.  "We just need to find somewhere happier to go.  Here!" she says, her horn lighting up with magic.  The door ahead of you opens itself up, and she runs inside and slams it shut.

	You smell fresh air.  You look around, and see blue sky above you.  You're in Ponyville.  Sort of.  You aren't in any part of town that you recognize, but it's unmistakably Ponyville.  You let yourself down from the princess' back, back to your full-grown self, and find yourself in the middle of a market.  Stands and kiosks fill the empty road, but they are filled with familiar things and images from Ponyville.  It must be another one of those archives.

	"Ooh, what fun!  Ha ha ha!" she says, and you feel her large blue legs wrap around you and yank you in tight, hugging you.  Your heart is hammering again, and you can feel her blue hide practically shivering with excitement as she laughs.  You rest your face against her chest, returning the embrace lovingly, before you suddenly remember how you got into this situation in the first place.  You break off of her, turning your attention elsewhere before she gets any ideas.  "There.  This is where Ponyville resides in your mind." she says, as you pass a community job board kiosk, "The friends you have made should be here, too."  Friends, right.  That's a generous way of putting it.  "Now, you must tell me what is troubling you.  It has been many a moon since somepony's emotional baggage has tried to take a bite of my posterior, as yours just has.  It will be fun!  Now come, what is it?  Guilt?  Longing?  Avarice?  Regret?"  You look away.  You just want to wake up.  "Well, it looks as though you have been making friends.  Why, it seems as if you have already gotten quite along with that little pink one that yells a lot." she says.  You blush a little, thinking about how tame Luna's room must be compared to Pinkie's room, thankful that she didn't take you there instead.  You turn and see her at a booth.  "You seem to share her fondness for balloons." she says, picking a tire pump off of the counter and examining it.  No, you can't really say that you do.  Although, it does seem like every time you've tried to make friends, you always-

	You freeze.  You look up.  No.  The stand Luna was investigating is half Pinkie memorabilia, half air pumps.  Next to it is a balloon cart with dozens of balloons tied to the tank, all of them the same color as your hide.  Oh, no.  You look over at each of the stands, each one prominently featuring the new and interesting way you'd gotten inflated on that occasion.  No, she can't know!  This has been embarrassing enough as it is!  You trot on over to her and try to lead her away from the booth.  A billboard stands tall beyond the market:

COME SEE THE AMAZING INFLATING PONY!

It says.  A poster sticks to the side of a cart, the corners peeling:

WATCH AND BE AMAZED AS HE STRIKES OUT WITH EVERYPONY HE MEETS!

You tear the poster off, but there's another one painted across the side of a building:

UNABLE TO HOLD A JOB!  UNABLE TO MAINTAIN A NON-AWKWARD RELATIONSHIP!  NOPONY LIKES HIM!

	Your face is heating up.  You don't want to be here anymore.  You drape your foreleg over the princess and turn her away from the booth, walking towards the door.  She confusingly looks around at you, still clutching the bike pump in her foreleg.

	"Oh!  Where are we going?  No, we cannot leave yet, we have to wait for things to calm down outside!" she says, winking out of your grip in a flash of dark blue magic and appearing back by the booths.  "Remember, we are inside of your mind.  If you continue to feel embarrassed, the more embarrassing the dream will become.  Please, stay for a moment, tell me more about these, they are most intriguing!"  She says.  You bite your lip, getting impatient with the princess, and walk your way over to her.  She's examining a cart that looks like a popcorn machine with trinkets from Amethyst Dream's jewelry shop hanging inside the glass case, with helium tanks laid across and beside it.  "How peculiar." she says, rolling the tanks laid across it this way and that.  The trinkets are all spherical, and resemble you in some way or other.

	You try to tell her that you think this is a bad idea, when suddenly, with a loud metallic clank, one of the tanks starts violently hissing gas, the valve and regulator on the top busted off.  Luna jumps back, startled, and another one laying next to it does the same, and you get about as far as getting your mouth open to tell her when the whole cart lunges at you, smashing you into the side.  You fly backwards through the marketplace, clinging to the cart and trying to comprehend what just happened as it rattles, rolls, and jet-propels itself across the cobblestone road.  You look back among the various fixtures zooming past you and see you're headed right for a community job board kiosk.  You gasp just as a wheel catches on something, causing the whole thing to lurch forward and fling you off, and then-

SMACK

	You slam back-first into the side of the thing, your teeth clenched and your eyes shut tight in pain.  You're shaken, but, all things considered, it could have been a whole lot-

CRASH

	The cart catches up to you, smashing into you and squashing you into the job board like a pancake.  You lay there in the darkness in extraordinary pain, crushed and squeezed into nothing by the big, heavy hunk of metal and glass.  With a long groan, the cart tips back over, peeling itself off of you.  You slowly open your eyes to the daylight as it lands on its wheels and rolls away, no worse for wear.  The impact spread you all over the flat surface of the kiosk, stuck and compressed as flat as a piece of paper.  You feel your back prickle as you slowly become unstuck from the surface, and with a final tearing sound, you fall loose.  Your legs curl upward in the breeze as you curve effortlessly, drifted back and forth, back and forth, before settling across the ground, light as a feather.  You groan slowly, blinking your eyes in pain.  With a dark blue flash, princess Luna winks above you, looking down at you in concern.

	"Oh no!  Oh, dear!  My apologies!" she says, looking down at you.  "Here, I can fix!  Let me see..." she says, picking up a nearby helium tank with a long hose trailing from the top.  Your eyes widen and you do your best to shake your head, but you can't move.  She looks at it for a while, and then discards it.  "No." she says.  Your body relaxes, filled with relief.  That was a close one.  "Ah-ha!" she says, holding aloft the tire pump she picked up at the Pinkie booth.  All you can do is look on pitifully as she shoves the hose in your mouth, sets the pump upright, and starts feverishly pumping the plunger up and down.  Air travels in great, big bulges down the hose as your cheeks and face puff up, feeling the sweet relief of air filling your lungs, restoring you to the third dimension.  Your chest and belly rise up, your legs all filling back out like those long balloons they use for balloon animals.  But it's too much.  Your cheeks grow and strain at the rush of air, your belly filling up and up and up, bulging outwards.  You try to say something, but it comes out as "Mmmph!"

	"I cannot give up yet.  We cannot, we will not, leave this dream until I have set your mind at east." she mutters to herself, focused intently on pumping.  You reach out to her, bloating and bulging and groaning and swelling with each pump, your flanks widening to accommodate your rounder frame.  You fill up and out, your legs fattening up with air as your expanding body grows against the cobblestones.

	"Mmmmmmph!  MMMMMMMPH!" you yell, in vain, as she obliviously keeps pumping you bigger, and bigger, and bigger.  It could be worse, you suppose.  At least you're not floating.

	As soon as you think that, you feel gravity lose its hold on you.  You shake your head, wide-eyed in disbelief, as your huge, inflating body starts to lose contact with the ground, your round bulk slowly ebbing away from the cobblestone beneath you.  "Mmmmmph!  Mmmmmph!  Mmmmmph!" you scream, trying to get her attention as you wiggle your puffy legs at her, your gigantic, round body helplessly rising from the ground, creaking and stretching like rubber.  But, she remains focused on pumping.  You clear her eyeline, rising above her waving, sparkling mane, and gently drift upwards like a balloon.  You lazily twist and bob on the end of the hose, mumbling worriedly all the while, as your great, big rump rises to the sky and you can only look down on her, the hose in your mouth trailing down, bulges of air pumping upwards and upwards and into your mouth.  You look around, your big, inflated, and increasingly stubby legs sticking straight outwards, and you waggle them up and down.  You reach the length of the hose, bobbing down like a delicate balloon as it goes taut.

	"This should be sufficient." she says below you, "I am determined to turn this into a happy dream by the time you wake...up..." she says, looking at the empty patch of ground where you just were.  She looks up and around, getting to her hooves.  "Peasant?"  she asks.

	"MMMMMMMMMMMPH!" you yell, waggling your hooves as you slowly drift back and forth.  You wiggle your rear legs as best you can, your big, inflated butt cheeks squeezing up and down on your tiny tail as you do so.  She looks around, more frantically.

	"Little one?"

	"MMMMMMMMPH!  MMMMMMMMPH!"  She looks around and spots the hose sticking straight up, follows it up, and then spots your massively inflated body swaying around above her, jumping back as she does.

	"Oh good heavens!" she shouts, "I will fix!" and grabs onto the hose.  Your eyes widen and you try to shake your head "no", wiggling your hooves back and forth as best you can, but with a firm tug, the hose pops out of your mouth.  A torrent of air rushes out, sending your huge, round body flying into the wall.  You bounce off of it and careen downwards into the ground, colliding butt-first into stands, booths, and kiosks, tearing off awnings, flipping tables, and breaking everything as you pinball around, idly hoping that you aren't messing up your brain in the process.

	You bounce off of this and that, returning to normal size, and expel the last of the air in your body, rising up, and up, and up...

	"I AM SORRY!" you hear Luna shout, and then-

SMACK

	You collide with the ceiling, your eyes shut and your teeth gritted.  You adhere to it, braced for gravity to reassert itself and for you to start falling back down, but a second passes, and you feel strangely reoriented.  You open your eyes and see darkness.

	You sit up in bed, soft golden light projecting across your wall from the street lamps outside.  You flop back down, sweating, and thank Celestia that it was only a dream.  You hope that it was only a dream.

	You walk slowly down the hallway, trying to keep your hooffalls as quiet as possible.  You look ahead and behind you, but there's nopony around but you.  You find the door, you think it was this door, and look back and forth one more time for good measure.  You slowly open the door, revealing the ornate archive dedicated to Princess Luna.  Everything is intact and where it should be.  All except for the fountain.  Something is very different about it.  It burbles away, supporting a mother-of-pearl seashell as it did before, and on top is a statue of you and Luna.  But now she's reclined on her back, lovingly holding a pump, and a long hose extends upwards to you, floating, round, and inflated.

	Your eyes are wide, your heart hammering, and a cold sweat runs down your piping-hot blushing face.  You slowly back out of the door and close it.  You wonder how far Pinkie's room is from here.